You guys, I know I’m late on a new blog, but things have piled up early in the week – two doctor appointments (checkups only, no need for alarm), a bad-news bomb about a local friend (an aggressive cancer that sounds like something out of a horror movie), the usual work obligations, PLUS I’m trying out a new book club tonight and still have reading to get through.
But! Another thing I had to get off my plate early was this Free Press op-ed, which I’ve posted on my social channels already, but if you haven’t seen it, I’d appreciate you giving it a click. It’s not paywalled, and I think it has, y’know, a message that goes beyond my community.
Oh, and the takeaway from at least one of the checkups? “You have the cardiac rhythm of an elite athlete,” my PCP said. This week, I’ll take it.
Later this week, let’s shoot for something longer.
Jeff Borden said on November 15, 2023 at 12:24 pm
Bravo! Well done. More evidence that regardless of what happens to that bloated orange cancer, the damage he has done has seeped into every facet of American political life. . .and we’re all the poorer for it.
A dear friend of ours was a township trustee in Southwest Ohio for many years. The area was growing fast, money was pouring in, housing developments were arising (four-or five-bedrooms, three-car garages) and the economy was growing. She loved being part of the solution and was a big advocate for parks and green spaces while still being pragmatic enough to appeal to developers and contractors. So, she figured maybe she’d make a good county commissioner.
Except that at candidate forums the questions directed at candidates were not about extending sewer lines, managing flood plains, repairing roadways and bridges, etc. Nope. She was asked about her stance on abortion, which a lowly county commissioner has zero say over, and about her stance on the First Amendment gun rights, though again, a county official has no say in the matter. It was a thoroughly disheartening exercise for her, but so indicative of the divisions among us that seem to threaten any compromise or progress at all.
Where will this end? I shudder to think.
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Deborah said on November 15, 2023 at 2:42 pm
Good points, Nancy. Have you ever thought about running for public office of some sort? Actually I think a lot of folks who comment here would help governance in a lot of places, in a lot of ways. Sherri does this and sounds good at it. I realize it sounds like a big headache in a lot of ways but communities need good people who have their heads screwed on properly to help us all. Both of the Jeffs seem plenty knowledgeable of local needs, and many more of you. Dorothy? Have you ever thought of it? I don’t want to leave anyone out. Democracy needs thoughtful people running, not extremist.
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Mark P said on November 15, 2023 at 3:22 pm
When fascists took over Germany, that former bastion of culture, it took two million tons of antifa bombs and a half a million dead civilians to end their reign. The Germans hauled their cities away in wheelbarrows. What will it take to end it here if the fascists take over?
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Jeff Borden said on November 15, 2023 at 4:26 pm
The QOP is largely a party of nihilism. This generation has no ideas…only the hunger to smash and pull down things…especially if it benefits “those people.” I’ve yet to hear any challenger to tRump talk about infrastructure, climate change response, addressing income inequality, actual immigration plans beyond deportation, the aging American work force, etc. The party is far better at creating a crisis than solving one.
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Suzanne said on November 15, 2023 at 4:39 pm
Do not discount the Mike Johnson Christian Dominionist wing of the wing nut party. They are nihilists who want to burn it all down so Jesus’s people can be in charge and run things right. Democracy isn’t good for them as only their ideas are sanctioned by God and only their ideas will make the country thrive. Thus only their ideas should be allowed. They don’t need policies because Jesus will tell them what to do and bless every bit of it. Those who aren’t on board with them and don’t count because they are going to burn in hell anyway.
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Jeff Borden said on November 15, 2023 at 5:00 pm
Suzanne,
It’s why they scoff at climate change. All part of god’s plan. They seem to forget the old adage god helps them that help themselves.
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alex said on November 15, 2023 at 5:34 pm
Seems people are impervious to facts not only when it comes to politics. I questioned a local airbnb posting on Facebook today regarding some errors of historical and geographical fact being used in the advertising. I offered a correction and even provided documentation, but the owner doubled down. I suspect she misread a local history book because she certainly gets some of the information correctly, but the information has to do with a locale seven miles distant from the building that she’s advertising.
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FDChief said on November 15, 2023 at 6:11 pm
We’re in our third week of the Portland public school teachers’ strike.
Both sides – the district and the union – more or less agree that the vast majority of the union’s demands are eminently reasonable, the fix for decades of financial neglect and institutional ineptitude.
Both agree that the public schools are funded well below the amount that the State of Oregon determined was minimal for a satisfactory result.
The state government – while planning to disperse multi-millions in this year’s “kicker” (a ridiculous fiscal gimmick that requires the state treasurer to guesstimate tax revenues each biennium and refund anything collected over that amount – it pays individuals pennies and corporations thousands) – has refused to kick down more $$$ , and there’s been little public pressure to do so.
So it’s not like there’s some malign external force pressuring us to be shitty. We could have a better country, state, or city…but that would require us to be better, smarter, more engaged citizens. To start worrying more about drains, roads, schools, and the taxes to pay for them than guns, Jesus, abortion, and gays kissing.
I ain’t holding my breath.
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Julie Robinson said on November 15, 2023 at 6:17 pm
Very well written op-ed, Nancy. I think most of us have seen this in our communities or within our friend group. My college friends have almost all gone over to the dark side, and it’s really surprised and sickened me.
My Dad was well known in our small town because he was a radio news and sports guy and had a large presence. The Democrats tried to recruit him to run for mayor, not realizing he was a registered Republican. He was completely impartial on the air, aside from cheering on the local sports teams.
Our daughter is being encouraged to run for city council by one of the county commissioners, and she’s considering it. I couldn’t stand sitting through all the meetings; I’ve put my time in on boards and am burned out on those. Give me a direct task to do instead, and I’m much more effective. Since I have a knack for doing financials, people are always happy to find someone for that, and it gets me out of going to meetings.
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David C said on November 15, 2023 at 7:38 pm
We had a slate of Moms for Liberty candidates for our school board. Fortunately, only one won and she was the only one who actually had a child in the district. The other two were home schoolers. The one who got on the board hasn’t been horrible. They have a way of wedging themselves in slowly though so we’ll see. They campaign through fundie churches and the fundie, churchy people show up to vote.
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Deborah said on November 15, 2023 at 8:32 pm
Julie, From what you’ve commented here about your daughter she sounds like someone who should run for public office, she’s young, she’s committed, she’s knowledgable, I hope she does it. Good for her.
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alex said on November 15, 2023 at 8:54 pm
And why would anyone serve on the board of a school district where they wouldn’t send their own children?
My ex was a teacher and back when we were together his school system changed from appointed school board members to elected. And suddenly they no longer had philanthropists and community-minded people making decisions for the school corporation. They had batshit renegades trying to wreak havoc and revenge. He and numerous colleagues who were excellent teachers took early retirements and the place went to hell. One of our friends, a former foreign language teacher in that school system who went on to become quite wealthy in other endeavors, tried to endow the school with a foreign language scholarship but the department of foreign languages was so diminished and disorganized and such an incompetent steward of the money that after only a year she had to withdraw it.
The people I know who were teachers weren’t in it for the money. They were in it for the love of the job. They aspired to be like the best teachers they’d had. The profession isn’t attracting people of that caliber anymore, and the same can be said of school boards.
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Julie Robinson said on November 15, 2023 at 9:14 pm
Deborah, I kind of hope she doesn’t. She’s already working way too many hours at her job, as well as serving on three boards. She chairs one and vice-chairs another, and throws herself into the work, not just showing up for meetings. She’s dirt-poor and would have to fundraise to the max. The protective mom in me can imagine trolls commenting on her appearance or what she says with their snotty troll words and I might have to fight them. Wouldn’t we all?
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Jeff Gill said on November 15, 2023 at 10:03 pm
Elite athlete — oorah. Well done, ma’am.
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Dorothy said on November 16, 2023 at 6:44 am
As flattering as your suggestion is, Deborah, I’d be a disaster in politics. I have no filter – I say what I’m thinking most of the time and the older I get, the bolder I get. I mean I’m not rude to people, and I know how to be diplomatic, but being involved in politics would be like going to another country and not speaking the language in my case. My foray into that world will be limited to being a poll worker. I like to think that just doing that and having my neighbors see me there telegraphs that I’m serious about being a contributor to the community and am willing to help where help is needed. And after the 2020 election and all the shit it stirred up, poll workers are needed more than ever. Also I put a sign to vote YES on issue 1 in my front yard. I know I’m surrounded by Republicans, so imagine my delight when my next door neighbor Patti told me about a month ago that she was happy to see me put that sign up. She said she and her husband are rather liberal and was glad to know how Mike and I lean politically. Baby steps!
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Alan Stamm said on November 16, 2023 at 8:08 am
You also have the language rhythm of a graceful writer, so take that too.
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David C said on November 16, 2023 at 11:17 am
And why would anyone serve on the board of a school district where they wouldn’t send their own children?
Because Jesus whispered in their ears, Alex.
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FDChief said on November 16, 2023 at 1:30 pm
Alex: “He alone, who owns the youth, gains the future,” ~ Adolf Hitler
That’s why. The blackshirts of 2023 know there’s nothing compares to The Classics.
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Dexter Friend said on November 16, 2023 at 2:50 pm
My Bitdefender protection won’t let me access this on my desktop saying dangerous URL content has corrupted the site. Then my bookmarks drop-down sent me to a no- exists page.
I read your GP story and also Keith’s story about Shawn Fain.
I studied all the slates before mailing in my vote and I am sure we got the right slate in, and Shawn Fain is going down in history right behind The Brothers Reuther.
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Deborah said on November 16, 2023 at 4:43 pm
Dorothy, I know what you mean about learning how others are more progressive than you thought. Some of the people we met as caregivers and friends of uncle J, turned out to be Democrats that we would never have expected. They live in a congressional district in northern Illinois where Adam Kinsinger was primaried out of running for another term, because he was considered too liberal soley as a result of his being on the Insurrection investigation committee, and now an anti-Trumper. Anyway finding out that these people we have come to know and love are Democrats was surprising to say the least, but so pleasant and reassuring.
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Deborah said on November 17, 2023 at 8:29 am
This is how workers unite for better pay and working conditions https://www.npr.org/2023/11/17/1213157550/tesla-sweden-union-workers-boycott
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LAMary said on November 17, 2023 at 9:02 am
My brother was on the school board a few years after his kids graduated high school. In a town that was nutso about the high school football team, spending stupid amounts of money rebuilding the stadium, my brother got more sports for girls, transportation for special ed, more accommodations for special ed students, and more funding for libraries in each school. He wanted to be on the school board because he saw what was wrong when his sons were there.
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Deborah said on November 17, 2023 at 1:38 pm
Even if you don’t have kids you can still be interested in what public schools are teaching and how they’re run. Everyone has been a student at some time or other in their lives and remembers the stuff that could have been better. And obviously other people’s kids grow up to be adults that will have jobs, vote, live in communities etc and we all want them to be good citizens who have enough smarts to do all of those things well. Where it goes off the rails is when school board members think everyone should have their particular religious beliefs or ideological perspective.
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alex said on November 17, 2023 at 2:29 pm
Well, two weeks into retirement and I’m getting dicked around by my former employer as regards continued insurance coverage under COBRA. The HR person who handles these things is being needlessly difficult and giving vague answers. I’m tempted to consult legal counsel if this shit continues.
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Bruce Fields said on November 17, 2023 at 2:48 pm
That may just be normal for COBRA, I never found anyone helpful when I had questions about it. Once you sign up, it’s retroactive, so as long as you sign up in time (60 days?), it works out in the end. Alternatively you can sign up for a marketplace plan instead, worth comparing if you haven’t already. (I think that’s not retroactive, though, so you’d end up with a coverage gap? This stuff always seems needlessly confusing…)
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alex said on November 17, 2023 at 3:08 pm
As an example, HR guy says my premium was $169 a month. My W2 shows my insurance as having been around $600 a month. He says I have to send payment to him, but doesn’t say whether it’s one month or the next seven months (when the plan is up for renewal) that he’s wanting. He’s probably hoping to wear me out so that I’ll go get Obamacare instead, but I intend to stay with this plan for as long as I can because it covers things that other plans won’t and I don’t want to have to go through changing drugs and not getting things covered and all that kind of horseshit for a new insurance carrier.
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Julie Robinson said on November 17, 2023 at 3:21 pm
Alex, did you work for a small firm, or large? Dennis couldn’t COBRA because his company was too small. I’ve forgotten all the details, but they ended up just giving him coverage for a few months and then it was ACA. No one at the company even knew this, by the way. While pre-retirement planning, we consulted with an insurance broker. It was the first thing he told us. Hope that isn’t the situation for you, though ACA ended up costing less.
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alex said on November 17, 2023 at 4:22 pm
We have over 20 employees which is the threshold for COBRA.
The HR guy finally admitted I was his first ever COBRA employee and he doesn’t know what he’s doing and needs to get some guidance from our executive committee. My premium is going to be more like $700 a month in any case. Although I had intended to pay for it out of my Social Security check, my dad the other day offered to cover it. He says his money is going to be mine anyway so I might as well use it and live without any financial worries. Between him and my generous husband I couldn’t be more grateful. I haven’t had to make any significant sacrifices even though I was prepared to do so.
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David C said on November 17, 2023 at 6:00 pm
My dad passed away this morning. His suffering is over. We finished planning the memorial and my mom did really well, other than calling me Don through the whole thing. Don was my dad’s youngest brother and my favorite uncle, so being called by his name was kind of a compliment. This is the first time I’ve ever participated in planning a funeral and I thought it was really comforting.
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brian stouder said on November 17, 2023 at 6:37 pm
David – it sounds like your family and you are ‘doing it right’! Here’s wishing you and yours all the best, going forward
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Jeff Gill said on November 17, 2023 at 6:49 pm
David, blessings with you on this journey. And peace.
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Deborah said on November 17, 2023 at 10:29 pm
David C, as you said his suffering is over, thinking of you as you continue dealing with what is before you and your family in the days and months ahead.
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Dorothy said on November 18, 2023 at 5:49 am
My sympathies to you, David C., and to your family. Planning funerals is not something we ever ‘train’ for and of course doing it for the first time is learning as you go. My husband was 16 when his paternal grandfather died, and his dad was not the least bit helpful to handle the funeral, and much of it fell to him. His dad had his own struggles (depression) which we weren’t aware of until much later in life.
Alex I’m glad for you that your dad made that offer. It was a graceful and kind, fatherly thing for your dad to do! I’ve been thinking a lot lately about parenting in general because my former brother-in-law is being a real dumbass about his daughter. I will not go into details but when I heard the latest about some decision he made, I bellowed at my sister “If I still had his phone number THIS is what I would be calling him about and screaming at him about!” And there have been plenty of dumbass things he’s done since they separated and divorced.
I also saw a woman talking rudely to a man I assumed was her dad in the parking lot at Meijer yesterday. He reached a crushed empty water bottle to her and said “I found this in the back seat.” She hollered back at him “Yeah I know, I put it there! I want to put it in the recycle bin when I get home!” Why she had to yell that at him instead of talking in a normal tone of voice I’ll never know. I really had to resist the temptation to scold her because every fiber in my being wanted to. His face fell as she was yelling at him and my heart broke a little, wondering if he is subjected to that kind of treatment on a regular basis. One of these days if I act on my impulses I’m probably going to pay a high price for it. I just hate seeing people mistreated, especially someone around my age.
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Julie Robinson said on November 18, 2023 at 10:35 am
David C, I hope you will continue to feel healing as you go through the grieving process. And I’m glad the funeral planning was part of that.
For others facing this, may I recommend having a good friend or member of the clergy to walk you through the funeral home visit. In my experience, they will try to upsell you on every aspect of it, and it isn’t good to be making such big decisions when you’re tired and emotional.
When my sister died, the funeral home tried to sell us an expensive urn, even though her ashes wouldn’t be ready by the time of the memorial. Next they offered to host and cater her memorial, print programs, print memorial cards, write and publish the obituary, make a slide show, etc. Each time my daughter piped up with the response that the church would do that. Sorry, Mr. Slimey Funeral Director, we just want the ashes.
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Deborah said on November 18, 2023 at 11:10 am
I had to make the funeral arrangements for my Dad’s funeral. He had remarried years after my mother died and his wife (I never called her my stepmom) didn’t know him very well, it became clear to me at the funeral home. I had to answer all of the questions for a form the funeral guy was filling out, like what was my Dad’s mother’s name etc. Granted they married after my Dad’s mother and father had died, but it seems to me that would be something you’d know about your husband. His wife had buried 2 husbands previous to marrying my Dad. My Dad had diabetes later in his life and his wife kept encouraging him to eat things he wasn’t supposed to, no wonder she buried so many husbands.
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Deborah said on November 18, 2023 at 11:30 am
Am I the Asshole? My brother-in-law and his wife and my sister-in-law are visiting us tomorrow, they are going somewhere else for Thanksgiving so this is our time to get together with family. The only thing is that my sister-in-law has had Covid, today is the 5th day of her infection and is supposed to be the last day she is contagious. But she is supposed to mask for 5 more days. So that means she will be masking while at our place and I suppose that means we will all need to mask. She still plans on coming. My husband asked me what I thought because his sister asked him if we were OK with her coming over. I feel bad about being the one to say she should not come and I don’t know what to do. My husband is OK with her being here masked etc but we will be serving food and drink, how are we supposed to stay masked while eating? Our place is small and we’ll have to have a window open for air flow. I keep hoping that the sister-in-law will bow out but I also feel bad because she lives alone and has been looking forward to this get together.
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Suzanne said on November 18, 2023 at 1:11 pm
My sympathy David on the passing of your father. Even when it’s time, it’s still hard. May his memory be a blessing.
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tajalli said on November 18, 2023 at 1:55 pm
Deborah, you are being practical about your health and your SIL is relying on guilty feelings to encourage you to compromise your health. She could stay away and FaceTime and/or arrange another visit when she’s well.
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Dorothy said on November 18, 2023 at 3:42 pm
Deborah you are not being an asshole. You are looking out for your health and your husband’s. I think your SIL is trying to let someone else take responsibility for making a decision that she can’t do herself. This sounds a little nuts but could she eat on a tray in a bedroom so the rest of you can eat in the dining area unmasked? If she wants to see people this would be the best compromise in my opinion.
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brian stouder said on November 18, 2023 at 5:02 pm
What Dorothy said! If someone wants to be upset about it in future years (which I hope won’t be the case) – I’d still take THAT as opposed to the range of much-worse possibilities
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Jeff said on November 18, 2023 at 6:27 pm
Julie — bless you and your daughter on sitting in on funeral home meetings. I try not to intrude, but when the family wants me and the funeral home people try to rush me out, I get as stubborn as you’re ever likely to see me. And yes, I think I’ve saved families from lots of up-selling, which is most emphatically a thing . . . worse now that a majority are going with cremation, so they’re scrambling to add on what they can. It used to be for a basic funeral charge when the service was at the church there’d be staff coming to assist, but if it’s an urn only, they ask me to come pick them up (or did, I’ve been out of this since Sept. 2020).
Deborah, if your s-i-l is comfortable masking except when eating or drinking, and you have good ventilation, the track record is good; it’s when the presence of food and drink means people just say screw it and toss the mask for hours of sitting and talking in an enclosed space that the risk ticks up. Ventilation and air turnover is key. My wife would feel very much as you do, so you’re not alone. But if this lady lives alone, five-six days in, and she’s willing to mask when not at the table eating, you have fairly low risk. Not zero, to be sure.
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nancy said on November 19, 2023 at 12:20 pm
A friend of mine here is a funeral director, and I love the stories he tells. My favorite involved a well-known and wealthy businessman whose wife predeceased him. He wanted to punt every decision to the funeral home, just send him the bill, etc. The director said we can’t do that, it’s unethical and illegal, you have to make some of the calls. So he asked for the “nicest” casket they had — i.e., most expensive — and chose that. “Could we make it nicer?” he asked. “I guess we could line it with bronze,” the funeral director said, and the businessman waved his hand, sure, make it so. So the wife was laid to rest in a very fancy, bronze-lined casket, and he followed her a few years later.
Some of his other stories are grim, like going to the morgue on Christmas morning to pick up two fatal ODs, one a mother of young children. But I live for the good ones.
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Deborah said on November 19, 2023 at 6:58 pm
So the family get together was just fine my sister-in-law masked and stayed as far away as she could. We had a window open so we had good airflow. We shall see what happens. A good time was had by all I think even the masked one.
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Deborah said on November 19, 2023 at 7:22 pm
How do you compare these two first couples, the Carters and the Trumps? They could not be further apart. Just try to put Rosalynn and Melania in the same bracket. RIP Rosalynn Carter.
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Deborah said on November 19, 2023 at 8:02 pm
Read this on Post: Picture this trump with a tool belt with a hammer and nails and a measuring tape to help other less fortunate to have a home
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Jeff said on November 19, 2023 at 8:05 pm
Close to twenty years ago, Rosalynn Carter came to Denison University, and I had the chance to help set up a reception for her and the program she was coming to promote, so I was early to the campus building where it was happening, moving tables and setting up chairs and such.
She and her two Secret Service men showed up early, and the faculty in charge of the event talked to her and I faded back into rear of the room, which opened onto a balcony. The people coming to the reception started flowing in up the interior stairs, and suddenly the profs pivoted to something they wanted to set up, and Mrs. Carter retreated back towards where I was waiting. To be perfectly honest, I had made a point of putting a Habitat lapel pin on the jacket I was wearing. It worked.
She turned, saw my pin, walked right over and introduced herself (ha!), and I explained my involvement with Habitat and more with a transitional housing program. Her immediate question was about how we dealt with mental health issues. She knew her stuff, and I told her what our problems were in navigating that interface, with Medicaid billing a big complication.
The crowd grew, but between the refreshments and the punch, they all talked to each other while lining up for nosh, and Mrs. Carter and I stepped back onto the balcony. One Secret Service agent had stayed near the interior stairs and entrance; the one with her handed us both cups of punch he’d grabbed, smiled at us and said “I’ll stand here in the doorway so you two can talk.”
We chatted about Habitat and how builds went and what “Jimmy” liked to do (framing), whom she referred to often, but not cloyingly so. Clearly a partnership, and a loving relationship, which everyone knows, but it was sweet to hear by inference. She had opinions about how Medicaid and mental health was working, and certainly (this is I think 2005) was talking in terms of single payer as the only logical, practical solution; she was curious about how we handled incoming persons who didn’t have Medicaid and were reluctant to sign up for it. I’ll admit the challenge as the crowd grew and the hubbub increased around us was that she was very soft voiced, and approximately half my height (or so it seemed), so I increasingly crouched to bring my ears a little closer.
To my everlasting frustration, we had just started talking about how she wished churches had taken more of an interest in mental health treatment & recovery, when the event leader came up to our doorway, and said to the Secret Service agent “We need Mrs. Carter to help us get started.” She asked if I was coming to the big evening event, and I said yes, and she said “Maybe we’ll get to talk more then; you take care.”
I did see her in Swasey Chapel that night. She waved at me across the crowd at one point as people were settling in; afterwards, there was an event with students planned, and I went home because I had an early morning the next day. But I remember that wave, and her smile. Godspeed, ma’am.
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David C said on November 19, 2023 at 8:52 pm
I looked at the price list for the funeral home handling dad’s funeral. The price range for caskets was $850 to $55,000. How crazy do you have to be throw $55,000 in a hole in the ground. There’s a funeral director who does YouTube videos and did one about what a clusterfuck getting President Kennedy’s body from Dallas back to Washington was. It was all due to someone from the Secret Service asking for the most expensive casket. It was bronze, heavier than hell, and it was dropped and broken loading it into Air Force One. Jackie thought it was gauche and had it swapped out. So be like Jackie, not like the Secret Service. Just say no to bronze caskets.
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Jeff said on November 19, 2023 at 9:32 pm
And the one briefly used casket, as I recall, ended up dropped far out to sea in the Atlantic, just to keep it from becoming a morbid tourist attraction.
Edit – https://www.cbsnews.com/news/jfks-coffin-dumped-at-sea/
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