My friend Jimmy runs a monthly writing group in a local community center for addicts. You don’t have to be an addict to attend, but he’s a recovering alcoholic and thinks writing can be therapeutic for some. He’s very clear that the group is open to anyone, and lately I’ve found it fun and a good exercise, whether or not you’re stuck in a rut. It goes like this: You walk in, and collect four cards from four face-down stacks — a place name, an inanimate object, and animal and something else. You have an hour to write a sub-1,000-word short story incorporating all four. Today, mine were Guadalajara, paint, prairie dog and kerosene.
This is the story I wrote. It’s not Ernest Hemingway, but so what? Low stakes! Fun! Stay away from the news for a while! We can get back to that later this week, and of course you can discuss anything comments. In case you’re wondering, this story is untitled. But here it is:
“Get in the car,” he said for the fifth time. Yelling it this time.
“Guadalajara?” she called back, hand cocked to her ear, like she was having trouble hearing him. “Sorry, I didn’t bring my passport.”
And with that, the girl slipped around the fence and into the alley, where the car couldn’t follow. Tom and I looked at each other, brushes still working, because you didn’t want to be caught as an active spectator to a domestic squabble, not in this neighborhood. “MotherFUCK,” the boyfriend, or husband, or whatever-he-was-to-her exploded, before dropping the Challenger in drive and peeling off.
Tom dipped his brush in the paint and resumed his work on the fence. I had started at the opposite end, and we were working our way to the middle. We were now close enough to have a conversation, or at least the kind of conversation you have when you’re doing a job that doesn’t require much of your concentration. Painting a fence is one of them.
“She was a fine-looking woman,” I said, dipping my own into my personal bucket of Navajo White. Tom’s was labeled Ghost White, and I figured this would be a problem when our work met up in another few minutes, but the guy who gave us the job said it didn’t matter, white is white and stop asking questions. “But fine-looking women often come with a lot of strings attached. Ones you can’t use to pull her back in the car, as that guy found out.”
“Strings?” Tom asked, putting Ghost White stripes on the next panel. “Like what kinda strings.”
“They’re touchy, women like that,” I said. “You gotta pay attention to them all the time, but it’s gotta be the right kind. They want to be told they’re beautiful every day, but if they got a zit or their hair’s a mess or they’re on their period, then they tell you you’re a liar, and sometimes that starts a fight. ‘What else are you lying about,’ etc.”
“And how would you know all this,” Tom replied. “You don’t strike me as a guy with a lot of experience dealing with beautiful women.”
“See, that’s where we’re different,” I said. “I think all women are beautiful, although that one was especially so.”
Tom fell silent, and I continued my Navajo White conquest of the fence. We’d be standing shoulder-to-shoulder in a few minutes.
“My cousin Cheryl’s a woman, and she’s ugly as a dog’s ass,” he finally said. “So I think you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Five minutes it took you to think of one woman you know who’s ugly,” I said. “I’d say that proves my point.” The last few words were drowned out by the roar of the Challenger, coming around the corner again. He’s looking for his woman, I thought. I hope he doesn’t have a gun. But who could shoot a fine-looking girl like that?
He stopped the car in front of us, and revved it a couple times. Tom and I turned around.
“Where’d she go,” he demanded through the passenger window. “That bitch. I know you seen her.”
“Mister, she went down the alley and we ain’t seen where she went,” I said, turning up the Downriver twang to about 7. “I’m sorry about that.”
The tires chirped as he roared off, and half a minute later, a head popped up over the fence, like a prairie dog if prairie dogs were hot brunettes. She slipped around the end of the fence as another car pulled up, this one with an Uber sticker on the windshield. “Thanks, guys, but I need you to play dumb if he comes back again.” She blew us a kiss that melted my heart a little bit.
The Uber pulled away, the memory of her long thigh slipping into the front seat still throbbing in my vision as we turned around and saw Ghost and Navajo White close enough to see that white may be white, but these two were still only fraternal twins. A few more strokes and we’d be done.
“Time to clean up,” Tom said. I suggested we use kerosene. Outside, there wouldn’t be a fume issue. Tom went to the truck and came back with the can. The Challenger came around the block and passed us slowly, one more time. We ignored him, but he stopped anyway.
“That fence looks like shit,” he yelled. “It’s two different colors.” And he peeled out again.
“I see why she got out of the car,” Tom said.
Jeff Gill said on September 29, 2024 at 5:06 pm
That was time well spent, I’d say.
Oddly, I looked in out of having felt a twinge this morning: having stayed up too late watching SNL after first getting sucked into the Alabama-Georgia game, it crossed my mind to tweak Prospero/Michael Johnson on UGA’s close loss. Now there’s a thought nearly a dozen years out of date.
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David C said on September 29, 2024 at 6:20 pm
I think everything I write reads like it was written by a former tech writer, which I am. I must admit, I’ve never seen prairie dog in a maintenance manual. I could whack it in somehow, I guess. “Torque the M8-1.25 x 25mm bolt to 12 Nm or until the prairie dog howls.” See. Whatever short story I wrote given four words would bore the shit out of everyone.
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Joe Kobiela said on September 29, 2024 at 6:37 pm
Rugby player, helicopter pilot, Rhodes scholar, and a pretty fair song writer, rest easy Kris country won’t be the same, the ones ridding on your name aren’t worthy of the ink in your pen.
Pilot Joe
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nancy said on September 29, 2024 at 7:26 pm
Oh, and as to the last thread, I think it was Julie who said that people in N.C. weren’t prepared for the hurricane because they don’t get them often. I disagree. The weather hit those mountains very differently than it did Florida. The elevations plus the rain made for a whole lot of water seeking its own level, ferociously.
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Jeff Gill said on September 29, 2024 at 7:43 pm
“You can look at Nashville pre-Kris and post-Kris, because he changed everything.”
~ Bob Dylan
P.S. Kristofferson passed Ranger school & had the tab to prove it. Polymath and then some.
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Sherri said on September 29, 2024 at 7:57 pm
Not many places are prepared for that much rain in that kind of time frame. Ironically, Asheville, NC is listed as a good place to go to escape climate change, because its elevation means it doesn’t get as hot.
When you get a large amount of rain in a short amount of time, particularly in mountainous areas, you get flash floods. That’s how 50 people got stranded on top of a hospital roof, and couldn’t even be rescued by boat. The water rises so fast there’s not enough time to evacuate.
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Pam said on September 29, 2024 at 8:03 pm
Great story! I was wondering how you would work in Kerosene.
Speaking of Kris, I didn’t know until fairly recently that Kris wrote the lyrics for the song Bobby McGee. One of my favorite songs.
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Brandon said on September 29, 2024 at 8:41 pm
Los Angeles Times: “‘As though Kanye was never there’: Buyer of Ye’s Malibu home plans to fully restore mansion
“My goal is to make it as though Kanye was never there. The house will be restored right back to what it was,” said Belmont in an interview with The Times.
Belmont said that he has gone through the house and that its structure is not too damaged. The changes Ye made were “mostly cosmetic.” His biggest gripe is with the “No More Parties In L.A.” rapper’s removal of the glazing of the floors.
“That was a really dumb move. Really no purpose,” Belmont said.
Ye had many ideas about what he wanted to do with the house, Belmont said, including turning the stairs into a slide, the floor into trampolines and the entire outside of the house camouflage.
“It would have required extensive review… There’s a process to it and he does things his own way, and the city of Malibu, they don’t care who you are they’ll hold you accountable,” Belmont said.
The home was previously owned by Richard Sachs, but was purchased by Ye in 2021 for $57 million. The deal that closed Thursday was negotiated between Belmont and Jason Oppenheim, who represented Ye in the sale.
Belmont said he plans to spend between $6 million and $8 million on restoring the home. He will work with Marmol Radziner, who did the initial build of the house. Belmont’s goal is to flip the house for a profit to benefit investors in his company, which allows members of the public to micro-invest in high-end real estate.
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Jeff Gill said on September 29, 2024 at 9:00 pm
Kris wrote this one, too, which still amazes me…
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_Day_at_a_Time_(song)
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Deborah said on September 29, 2024 at 9:25 pm
My kind of story Nancy. I call those slice-o-life stories where you get a brief glimmer into a random someone’s life. I like movies like that too. Always have, don’t really know why I find it so fascinating.
Did I mention that I’m flying to St Louis very early in the morning to meet with a friend I’m collaborating with on a design project. Here’s a website you can peruse about the project. The foundation is looking for an executive director for it https://www.jdbrubaker.org/ click on the Mindhaven link if you’re curious about the position. Know anyone? They’re accepting applications starting tomorrow. My husband is one of the trustees and mainly in charge of the project.
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alex said on September 29, 2024 at 11:10 pm
That was fun! I wonder if having arbitrary constraints like a prairie dog, kerosene, etc. is a good method to compel writing when nothing else comes to you. Looking forward to more.
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alex said on September 29, 2024 at 11:38 pm
Oh, and if there were such a thing as truth in advertising, Navajo White would be called Bacterial Infection Yellow.
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Brandon said on September 30, 2024 at 12:59 am
@Jeff, I thought at first you were talking about the One Day at a Time theme song.
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Jeff Gill said on September 30, 2024 at 6:49 am
Brandon, that would indeed bend the mind.
So while you’re here enjoy the view; keep on doing what you do. Hold on tight, we’ll muddle through…
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Alan Stamm said on September 30, 2024 at 7:25 am
Channeled Elmore Leonard a bit here, in a good way. I like it, especially the coming-together movement that pulls readers along until we’re also shoulder-to-shoulder with Tom and the narrator.
An hour well-spent. Thanks for sharing it.
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Suzanne said on September 30, 2024 at 10:14 am
Loved the story.
I participate in a book club and 2 women in it predictably don’t care for books with plot that meanders or is non-linear, no matter how beautiful the language. I always contend that the plot doesn’t matter so much because a good writer can make almost anything interesting. These 2 women always look at me like I am goofy when I say this but I think your very short story proves my point. How interesting are 2 guys painting a fence? Quite interesting when written by someone who knows the craft of writing well! Well done.
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kv450 said on September 30, 2024 at 10:28 am
Great story!
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basset said on September 30, 2024 at 10:48 am
Good one, keep going.
So the Chicago White Sox now are the worst major-league baseball team ever, 141 losses in a 162-game season.
Seems to me that’s a good reason to “relegate” them, the way it’s done in UK football… each season the worst team or two moves down to the next lower league and the best team from the lower league moves up.
This would put the Sox in the International League, making room for the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders to move up. Or, if they went to the other league on that level, they would replace the Sugarland Space Cowboys in the Pacific Coast League.
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ROGirl said on September 30, 2024 at 11:33 am
Downriver twang, from the heart of Taylortucky.
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Hank Stuever said on September 30, 2024 at 11:50 am
Brilliant!
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Icarus said on September 30, 2024 at 12:16 pm
Alex from the last thread, how did your stuffed peppers turn out?
I am exceptionally pleased with this Slow Cooker Basil Chicken Coconut Curry Recipe, I found that I had most of the ingredients at home already. Whenever I try a new recipe, I do my best to use all the ingredients and follow the directions to the letter. This one scared me a little because of the jalapenos which I’ve avoided most of my life.
I was out of Chile powder, so I used this Mexican Adobe seasoning we got from Fresh Farms in Grosse Pointe. I also didn’t brown the chicken thighs first as I read a comment that it works fine either way and the point of Slow Cooker/Crockpot recipes is less work.
Nighingale stocks up on sales and we had a ton of chicken thighs in our deep freeze. The boneless/skinless package I used was just under 3 lbs so I tinkered with the spice ratios a little. also, Natasha loves mixing ingredients so it was easier to round up on some of them.
Finally, I didn’t understand that seeded meant taking the seeds out. Luckily, this recipe has enough Coconut Milk that it wasn’t too hot to handle.
https://thefoodcharlatan.com/slow-cooker-basil-chicken-in-coconut-curry-sauce/#wprm-recipe-container-27017
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Steven Schultz said on September 30, 2024 at 1:23 pm
I was wondering how you were going to work “prairie dog” into the story. Your solution was evocative and quite funny. Well done all around!
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Julie Robinson said on September 30, 2024 at 2:06 pm
Anyone else having cell phone problems today? It seems Verizon is the worse, with T-Mobile and AT&T also having issues. I have one bar and earlier this morning could make a call out and get one call in, but both my kids are out completely, even for texts. It’s making my talky-talky daughter nuts, and she hasn’t been able to make a few calls that were supposed to happen. Son says when his wife called, she got a number disconnected message. He’s been in auditions and interviews, so is afraid he’s gong to miss a good opportunity.
BTW I have an old Samsung and they both have fancy Pixels. I was thinking of getting a Pixel next time because of the camera; not so sure now.
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alex said on September 30, 2024 at 2:33 pm
Icarus, the stuffed peppers were a hit with my dad and my brother. And that coconut curry chicken looks like it’s worth a try next time I do family dinner.
Getting ready to go enjoy my favorite perk of retirement, which is the freedom to take off and visit people I haven’t seen in a million years. So first stop will be tomorrow in Wadsworth, Illinois, to see an old college classmate and go horseback riding. She’s neighbors with Simone Biles and Jonathan Owens and so I’m gonna get another selfie in front of a Simone house. Earlier this summer I got one in front of Simone de Beauvoir and Nelson Algren’s fuck shack on Lake Michigan.
From there I’m going to Crystal Lake to visit former co-workers, a married couple. We all met at our first post-college jobs at a publishing house back in the 1980s. They’re still working and putting their kids through college.
After that I’m probably heading home unless I stop to see friends in Chicago. But I need to be home in time for a neighbor’s soiree on Saturday, for which it looks like we’re going to have good weather.
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David C said on September 30, 2024 at 2:43 pm
My work phone is on Verizon and we got an email message that they are having problems with that network.
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Dorothy said on September 30, 2024 at 4:39 pm
I figured the kerosene would come into play having to do with the paint, but the prairie dog reference was really clever and I LOVED the hell out of the whole story! Great job! I’d love to have more of that story but maybe the magic lies in the completeness of what you already wrote.
Julie the Verizon thing has been publicized a good bit today but I was out with a friend for lunch, and before that I did some retail therapy. My son mentioned the Verizon outage first, around 10 AM, and then I saw some stuff on Twitter about it. (I refuse to call it X because it’s still at twitter.com)
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Jason T. said on September 30, 2024 at 11:37 pm
Great story!
I wish I could write fiction. I took a fiction-writing course in college taught by the late Hilary Masters; he was kinder to my work than he should have been, because it stunk on ice.
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Jeff Gill said on October 1, 2024 at 7:06 am
Happy 100th birthday, Jimmy Carter; regardless of your politics, the finest post-presidency we will ever see in American history. He & Rosalynn set the bar high.
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basset said on October 1, 2024 at 9:23 am
Amen to that. Now, from the sports world… Dikembe Mutombo, then Pete Rose, who will be number three?
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JodiP said on October 1, 2024 at 3:11 pm
Really wonderful story that pulled me along. I love that the woman got away!
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Deborah said on October 2, 2024 at 1:21 am
I watched the debate on the plane back to Chicago from St.Louis. I paid the $8 fee to get wifi from Southwest and it was worth it. I thought both guys came across as intelligent and articulate about their positions. But interestingly I thought Vance had an obvious tell, whenever Walz confronted him with a truth particularly about Trump that he (Vance) would have to tap dance around he would shift his eyes around and look up to his left for a couple of seconds then look down or over at Walz. That shift of the eyes was a dead give away to me. I think Vance would be a lousy poker player. Did anyone else notice that?
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Deborah said on October 2, 2024 at 1:39 am
I just realized that I misspoke as they say. Vance looked up to his right not his left when he was performing his tell, probably totally unconsciously. But he did it so consistently that it had to be obvious, at least it was to me.
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Jeff Gill said on October 2, 2024 at 7:22 am
Or: https://youtu.be/qDc_5zpBj7s
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Suzanne said on October 2, 2024 at 9:15 am
Vance came across as rational and sincere unless you know enough about him to know that most of what he said was a lie. I wish Walz had called him on that more. Vance has done nothing as a Senator because ultimately, he doesn’t believe in democracy, so why would he?
What showed me his true character was when he angrily went after the moderators for calling out his Haitian immigrant lies and the way he condescendingly repeated the moderators’ names over and over and over (“Well, Nora, blah, blah, blah…” on almost every question). I don’t know about you men, but most women know this type and they are 99.9% of the time jerks. He was subtly but forcefully letting the women moderators know he was above them.
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