Happy New Year to everyone, but especially you, my loyal readers, who have kept me maintaining this blog for, good lord, going on …24 years this month? It’s been that long? Amazing. We’ve lived through the Blog Craze, remained steadfast through social media, and who knows, maybe we’ll be popular again before cancer or random gunfire or a drunk/distracted driver takes me out. Not to be morbid, but I read the news yesterday oh boy, and I don’t see a lot to smile about.
That said, I’m still smiling. My 2024 one-word resolution, which I can’t remember, isn’t dong me much good, so I’m not making one this year. I have goals, of course, one being: Work less. Or rather, work less for others, more for me. The Biden stock market, decent luck and a lifetime of reasonably careful money management have left us reasonably comfortable, so I’d like to throttle back the freelance writing and write more for myself. Here, and elsewhere. So that’s the big one.
The others? The usual. Declutter. Death clean. Unfuck that which is fucked. Not to get too personal about our finances, but we’re investigating whether we can afford to bestow a chunk of cash on Kate to help her buy a house. Nothing fancy, but something that will allow her to start building equity on her own. As an all-1099 penniless artist (but a happy one!), she’ll never be able to do it on her own income, I fear, and it’s time for her to join the Sisterhood of Worrying About the Roof. As a boomer who benefited from an economic system that has since disintegrated, I have strong feelings about hoarding generational wealth. (I’m against it.) She’s our sole heir; might as well let her have some benefits now.
Entry level for a house in Metro Detroit that you don’t have to evict the raccoons from first: Roughly $200K. This is insane. But it’s the way we live today, so.
We’re taking the tree down today. I’m also pleased to report that yesterday’s ham-and-bean soup not only fulfilled the traditions of New Year’s dining, but it also used up the last of the Christmas ham, AND the accompanying Caesar salad did the same. As a Midwesterner, nothing makes me happier than using up leftovers. (Unless it’s buttoning up the house for winter.)
So, speaking of social media: A while back I joined a Facebook group about a concept called radical unschooling, just out of personal curiosity. I don’t radically unschool anyone, and am in fact a big believer in public education, but I’m also aware of how often it fails children who don’t fall into the mainstream, and while there are a fair number of utter crackpots in this group, there are many whose children struggle with structure. For the unaware, “radical unschooling” takes homeschool a step further, into basically trusting children will be led into learning by following their own instincts and interests. (Yeah, I know.) Kids stay home with a parent and, in the idealized version, go for a walk in a park and ask questions about plants and birds and wind and so forth, which the parent answers or, more often, directs the child to library books or YouTube videos or other resources that can answer them. But it’s pretty clear the idealized version doesn’t always pertain. One post asking for advice from the group was from a mother who went to a homeschooling fair and was scolded by a reading expert because her daughter was 8 years old and still illiterate.
“I thought she’d just naturally pick it up, and now I feel really bad, because this woman told me I’d missed a window!” she mourned. Whew.
A lot, and I mean a lot of the posts, suggest that someone’s child is neurodivergent, at least a little. And one topic comes up time and again: “Sensitivity issues.” One mother writes that her child won’t allow her to brush their curly hair, and now it’s matted. A child acts out in public, violently. Her kids have no self-control. The answer to many of these concerns seem to always be: The child has sensitivity issues. So my question for the group is: Who diagnoses sensitivity issues? I get the feeling lots of these parents aren’t into western medicine, so I doubt much of it is coming from doctors. Are sensitivity issues the new “oh I’m gluten-intolerant,” or is this just an extension of how we understand kids who are on the spectrum?
On to current events. :::opens newspaper page, slams it shut::: Ai-yi-yi, 2025. Let’s get through it in one piece.
Jeff Borden said on January 2, 2025 at 10:30 am
I’m with you on spreading the wealth. We’re childless, but I’m giving money to those I know truly need it. This includes a younger couple (dog acquaintances) where the wife (40) has ALS and her husband has given up his dental practice to be her caregiver. They also have a 5-year-old daughter. Another is a very old friend who through no fault of his own has had multiple jobs pulled out from under him to the point of losing their house. A third cared for her mother during Alzheimers, only to receive zero inheritance.
We continue to support a wide range of charities, but there is something to be said for helping those you know. It’s a good feeling.
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jcburns said on January 2, 2025 at 11:33 am
I think I’m sensitivity-issue-intolerant. Gonna have to have that tested.
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Deborah said on January 2, 2025 at 11:34 am
If you’ve got money to leave, leave it where it can do some good. I’m talking about if you’ve got lots and lots of money to leave. Like my husband’s uncle did, leave enough for your heirs, not more help than they need, then use the rest, the biggest chunk to do some good in the world. I’ve probably mentioned this before, the shirt sleeves to shirt sleeves syndrome, also called rice bowl to ricebowl: Three generations is all it takes to gobble up a fortune, if you only leave it for your heirs.
Helping your kid buy a house while you’re still around, is a great idea. The generations coming up now are at a disadvantage, one that us boomers didn’t have, paying for college, marrying, buying a house and having kids were in most of our sights. Not so much for kids starting out today.
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basset said on January 2, 2025 at 12:18 pm
Wasn’t there some big event coming up with the band? Maybe that’ll help.
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alex said on January 2, 2025 at 12:54 pm
My parents helped out both my brother and me with downpayments, and both of us bought wisely in locations where our equity rose exponentially. In my case, I had a condo on Lake Shore Drive in Chicago that quadrupled in value. I took my equity from that and bought myself a nice property back in my hometown in an exurb that was destined to become the hot new place to live. My parents also gifted me an adjacent property when the owner died and her son offered it to us on the cheap, and it has also more than doubled in value while providing substantial income.
The secret is to buy modestly in a good area, or one that foreseeably will appreciate over time. When I got my first condo, the East Lakeview neighborhood was a bit shabby, but it was a no-brainer that anything on the lakefront would only increase in value. I wish now that I’d bought in Uptown or Edgewater, which back in the 1980s were quite dumpy and homes were even cheaper but those who invested there reaped even bigger rewards.
I suspect “neurodivergent” and “autism spectrum” are just new words to describe normal human variants that we used to regard as eccentrics, nonconformists, individualists. Overlapping with this are a lot of “ADD/ADHD” diagnoses with pharmaceuticals being offered up as cures for children who don’t fit in socially or who are intellectually underwhelmed by their public school education and perform poorly because of boredom.
As for gluten intolerance, I’ve known several people who were never diagnosed with celiac disease but who report improved physical and mental wellness when they stopped consuming gluten and they advocate stridently for quitting gluten; I believe them, but I suspect that their sensitivity is, in fact, to processed foods made with gluten.
For all I know, I could be on the “spectrum” along with my entire family. We’re all oddballs. I think the medical-industrial complex is forever inventing new ways to pathologize everyone so that it can sell us more shit.
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Suzanne said on January 2, 2025 at 1:15 pm
Our cat began the new year by puking on the carpet on New Years Day and today, tipped over her litter box. Doesn’t portend a good year.
Our kids will never have the opportunities that our parents had. My parents bought a house and 10 acres of land in the early 60s for $17,000. It’s now worth about $500,000. My now deceased in-laws built a large ranch house on 30 acres of land in the late 60s for about $75,000 and it sold within the last year for over $2 million. We bought a house in 2023 for $220,000-ish and even if we live 10-15 more years, we will never see the return on our investment that our parents saw. Yeah, yeah, I know, the parents made less money but the last 10 years or so of our working lives, neither my husband or I ever got substantial raises. Our kids don’t stand a chance.
I know a family who did “unschooling”. One kid went to college but has, to my knowledge, never done anything related to that degree. He didn’t learn to drive until he was in his mid 20s. One kid apparently didn’t learn to read until he was 10 or so. There is a daughter who didn’t go to college and is now married and they are “homesteading” somewhere in Minnesota, and think bathing more than once a week or so is not healthy. Probably drink unpasteurized milk, too.
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David C said on January 2, 2025 at 1:15 pm
I’m told we have enough money to last until we’re 95. I wish I could believe them. If we need a decent nursing home for one or both of us, we could piss it all away in no time. We feel we need to move closer to family to get whatever support we can get from them seeing as we have no children.
We’ve done OK on house appreciation for where we live. We’ve doubled plus a bit in the sixteen years we’ve owned this house. But we’re moving back to West Michigan where things have gone nuts. We bought a better house here than our last house in Michigan for the same price. Our last house in Michigan has appreciated about $75,000 more than this one. Our first 960 sq.ft., two bedroom house in Michigan sold for about what we figure we’ll be able to get for this one. All I can do is hope things work out.
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Deborah said on January 2, 2025 at 1:17 pm
I finally decided to have a two word resolution this year, which I will promptly forget soon. My two words are “Decency” and “Discipline”. Decency is the word that Biden used to describe Jimmy Carter, and with the coming administration it is something that will probably be scarce, so I’ll try to keep it in mind for myself. I chose Discipline because it’s something I need to keep me away from doom scrolling and having the energy to walk and eat properly so I keep my health.
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Deborah said on January 2, 2025 at 1:20 pm
Today is LB’s birthday and it’s a big one. I can hardly believe I have a daughter that age already.
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brian stouder said on January 2, 2025 at 2:37 pm
Deborah – Happy Birthday to you! Yeah yeah yeah – it’s your daughter’s debut-day in the world, but YOU did the birthin’! (I know just enough to realize I know next-to-NOTHING about enduring a real-live actual birth-giving day!)
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Ann said on January 2, 2025 at 4:00 pm
Aha, a safe place to discuss a reddit post in the Upper Peninsula subreddit. Looking for a part-time nanny with references and experience with children with(of course)sensory issues for kids aged 1 and 3 in L’Anse. Just moved to the area and unfamiliar with where to look.
Listen, lady: a) part-time nannies are very hard to find b/c if they’re an experienced nanny they can have their pick of full-time positions, b)L’Anse has a population of 1900. Nearest town that’s any bigger is Houghton and it’s a 40 minute drive away and only has 8,500 residents, c)your prior posts tell me that you’re somehow both totally disabled with schizophrenia and also making good money delivering pizza. Good luck!
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Julie Robinson said on January 2, 2025 at 4:25 pm
Hmpf. Sounds like radical unschooling is an excuse to let your kids run wild. Pretty sure our son would have played video games 24/7. And to not know that a child should be reading before the age of 8? I’d report her to CPS. There is indeed a window, and at 8 youv’e made it exponentially harder for your child. Woo, this one’s got me feeling judgy.
Happy Birthday, Little Bird, and to mama Deborah. Personally I’d give birth a few more times if it didn’t involve actual pregnancy, which was miserable and medically dangerous from start to finish.
For tax year 2024 each parent can give a child 18K before any tax consequences occur. You have to write a letter stating you’re giving the money voluntarily, and for a down payment as opposed to living expenses. Historically lenders haven’t been crazy about giving mortgages to 1099 folk, but I hope that’s changed. I’m all for helping out when you can, especially for creatives, who will never make the money they deserve.
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David C said on January 2, 2025 at 4:44 pm
Some of my first cousins once removed were home schooled. They’re pretty good at reading and basic math. The only science they know is fundie science. Think Ark Experience and climate denial science. My cousin is a self-described mama bear, which is right wing for helicopter parent. Somehow, they think just because someone had sex that took they’re education experts.
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ROGirl said on January 2, 2025 at 4:54 pm
I would bet that the kid who wouldn’t let mom brush their hair was sensitive because mom pulled too hard and it hurt. That resonates with me, I went through a similar experience, although my hair was straight.
My next-door neighbor moved a few years ago, and when she told me how she was asking I was shocked at the amount. I’m glad I bought when I did.
I’m hoping for health and democracy in 2025.
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Jeff Borden said on January 2, 2025 at 5:29 pm
The story of the cybertruck bomber in Las Vegas is really, really weird. A highly decorated soldier described by his uncle as a “super patriot” who loved tRump. But the uncle said his nephew was so skilled in military destruction he would’ve done a much better job of building an effective explosive device than what occurred outside tRump’s roach motel. Baffling, really. Just baffling.
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Little Bird said on January 2, 2025 at 6:31 pm
Today I am 50 years old! Deborah and my stepfather took myself and two friends from my early childhood to lunch at a lovely Japanese restaurant. A fantastic meal! Later a few friends are joining me and the childhood friends at the home where I am dog sitting for further celebration.
This year declutter is high on my list.
I still don’t really feel 50. More like 25, but with a bum hip and an inability to stay up past 9PM.
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SusanG said on January 2, 2025 at 7:12 pm
Autism, often a debilitating condition, is now over-diagnosed. In Indiana, it’s led to Medicaid grifter heaven.
“ From 2017 to 2020, state Medicaid payments for fee-for-service ABA services grew from $14 million to $102 million ― the second-highest in the nation, according to the federal audit. Auditors examined claims from 2019 and 2020 to see whether they complied with federal and state requirements.
They found a number of claims in which the notes associated with the claim did not match the documentation actually required for awarding the claim; the service was provided by uncredentialled staff; or the service was provided to children who did not receive the proper diagnosis or referral for the service. These were the basis for the estimate that $56.5 million worth of ABA payments were “improper.”
IndyStar, Dec. 19,2024
Unschooled children are screwed. The best way to diagnose learning and/or behavioral problems is in a structured learning environment. Teachers have the training and experience to recognize something’s wrong and know how to navigate the system so children get the right services.
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Jeff Gill said on January 2, 2025 at 8:06 pm
Little Bird, revel in your youth! And happy birthday to you, with or without round numbers involved. You warrant some celebration, and congrats to your parents, of course.
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Gretchen said on January 3, 2025 at 1:55 am
I have a 2 year old grandson in New York who has sensory issues, speech delays, and an autism diagnosis. The city sends out evaluators who decide what services are needed and assign staff to do it. He has one woman who comes out to the house 2 hours 5 days a week, and speech, OT, and PT a couple of times a week as well. New York seems to be very proactive about early intervention. It’s a huge contrast to my friend’s 37 year old autistic son. She had to drive to a distant suburb once a week to get him OT, and pay for it herself. He is so delayed that he can’t live on his own. I’m hoping that the intensive early intervention for grandson will result in a better outcome.
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Gretchen said on January 3, 2025 at 2:00 am
I just heard of a neighbor who pulled her 11yo out of school because he was having violent outbursts. She doesn’t seem to be doing anything with him besides shielding him from the discomfort of school. My 11yo grandson, who is on the spectrum, goes to the same school, which has been great about interventions. They give him special classes so he won’t be bored, and a « friendship class » to help his social skills, which were very lacking. It’s made a huge difference in both his behavior and happiness. The other mom is doing her boy a grave disservice, and it sounds like it’s because they don’t want the kid « labeled ». You have to get the label to get intervention. I fought for years to get my now-40yo son « labeled » ADHD before the school district would give him help, and it was helpful but far too late. It seems they’re more afraid now of running afoul of the ADA and getting sued, and that’s a good development for the kids who need intervention.
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Gretchen said on January 3, 2025 at 2:12 am
I’m always amazed at these parents who look at public school teachers who spent years learning their craft, years thinking of the best ways of teaching something and projects to support that, have the support of gym, library, art and music teachers and the ideas of other teachers in the building, and think they can do a better job winging it for all subjects and all grades. A lot of them end up giving the kids a pile of worksheets and think they’re doing the job.
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Alan Stamm said on January 3, 2025 at 7:30 am
Admirable instinct to carve a way to lift Kate with warm hands rather than posthumously. Each of you benefit tangibly and emotionally from thoughtful generosity.
The last word intrigues: “. . . write more for myself. Here, and elsewhere.” Book and/or Substack are all that pop to mind, though I’ve been known to lack imagination.
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alex said on January 3, 2025 at 9:32 am
So, I guess instead of sitting around getting your hygge on, it’s better to do fartleks:
https://wapo.st/3BUADLZ
As someone who was born exercise-averse, I think I may try it. And give up alcohol, now that we’re suddenly bombarded with the news that it’s the third leading cause of cancer. (No gift link for this one.)
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Heather said on January 3, 2025 at 12:19 pm
My cousin’s wife is home-schooling their child, in part I suspect because she doesn’t want to have her tested and “labeled” on the autism spectrum. She maybe gets 45 minutes a day of instruction. The little girl seems very bright and social, so it really seems to me to be doing her a disservice. And apparently the state they live in mandates testing at age 7 anyway.
The news on alcohol is really bumming me out. I’m not a huge drinker and am already trying to cut down, but I do like my wine.
I also started doing what I guess are fartleks while swimming–I swim as fast as I can for a couple of laps.
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Dexter Friend said on January 3, 2025 at 2:04 pm
My house was built in 1920; I have been living in for 43 years. Four roofs, 2 taken out by those goddam Maple trees .
If I was planning on buying a $200G house, I’d demand a new steel roof be nailed on before any financial transactions took place. In Detroit, maybe $25Gs? Do it.
Mike Johnson 216, Hakeem Jeffries 215, 2 “other”. Johnson appears to lose this first round for Speaker. 3 Republican defectors, voters voting for people not even running. And away we go. We just don’t know at this minute.
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Julie Robinson said on January 3, 2025 at 2:31 pm
Last year I got totally caught up in the Speaker’s race, and lost half a night’s sleep streaming it live. This year, nopers. I’ve no control anyway and my plate is too full.
When we were looking to buy in Orlando, we thought we could get a fixer-upper for 100K or so. The closest thing we saw was 150, and it needed to be stripped out completely and rebuilt. It was so smelly and nasty the realtor wouldn’t even go in. No doubt he knew that would disabuse us of our thoughts quickly, and he was right. In our neighborhood today that nastiness would be at least 400K. It’s no wonder the younger generation finds itself priced out. We’d be priced out too.
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Dexter Friend said on January 3, 2025 at 2:36 pm
Johnson persuaded 2 holdouts to flip and was elected Speaker.
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alex said on January 3, 2025 at 4:05 pm
Hakeem Jeffries getting one less vote than Johnson was all the persuasion any Republican needed. Guess we’ll have to wait for another day to watch him get eaten by his own.
Don’t worry, it’s surely coming.
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Jeff Gill said on January 3, 2025 at 9:41 pm
Alex:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udfhBjR-FtA
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jim h said on January 4, 2025 at 12:22 pm
I think Shipley is a lying liar: https://thehill.com/homenews/media/5067162-washington-post-cartoon-jeff-bezos-donald-trump/
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Joe Kobiela said on January 4, 2025 at 1:14 pm
Mrs Nancy we are doing the same thing with our daughter, flew up today to willow run to look at houses in yip and Belview, and your in the ballpark cost wise.
It’s nice to be able to help.
Pilot Joe
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Jakash said on January 4, 2025 at 1:14 pm
As for Alex’s reference to alcohol, I suppose that if there’s a good time to reconsider one’s attitude toward hooch, Dry January would be one.
That being said, observing the ever more draconian attitude on the part of medical experts toward the health consequences of drinking has been quite dispiriting, so to speak. From “the French paradox” and one or two glasses of wine perhaps actually being good for you, and a person’s own interpretation of the psychological benefits of “taking the edge off” to “there is no safe level of alcohol consumption,” calls for a grain of salt or two (perhaps chased with a stiff drink). Or not.
International guidelines vary, but in Canada the recommendation is that “to avoid alcohol-related consequences for yourself or others” one should limit oneself to 2 drinks or less. Per week! Ouch. I can’t imagine how Homer Simpson and the gang at Moe’s Tavern are taking the news.
It’s funny to me how the crusade against alcohol gets ever more stringent, while the exercise recommendations seem to go in the other direction. Since many folks just don’t want to start moving no matter what, the powers-that-be keep trying to suggest less taxing and time-consuming options, stressing that “anything is better than nothing.”
Fortunately, the non-alcoholic beer options continue to expand. We just picked up a case containing 4 different NA brews from Costco for a pretty good price. Except that paying craft beer prices for stuff that isn’t really beer irks me, in general. Replacing the NA beer with store-brand fizzy water is the economical way to go, but it gets a little boring.
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Brandon said on January 4, 2025 at 3:26 pm
A list of non-alcoholic drinks.
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Julie Robinson said on January 4, 2025 at 3:32 pm
Most of us here are probably too old for these new guidelines to make much difference. The damage has already been done.
Smoking, though, that’s a whole ‘nother thing.
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Jakash said on January 4, 2025 at 4:15 pm
Thanks, Brandon. Hmmm… barley water, birch sap, hot chocolate or a milkshake. Which to choose? I do like kefir pretty well.
Yeah, you’re surely right about that Julie. As with sun damage. I can slather on all the SPF 50+ I want and it ain’t gonna retroactively protect me from days and days of playing in the sun in the ’60s and ’70s. But… but… but… “moderate drinking” was supposed to have been okay. D’oh!
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David C said on January 4, 2025 at 6:14 pm
Like with most studies of food, alcohol food?, sure why not, it’s really hard to parse out the signal from the noise. You can’t lock people away and require them to drink certain amounts or lock people away an make them be a teetotaler control group. So you depend on people’s memories or diaries which people tend to fudge. That’s why we get whipsawed from week to week with “did you hear the latest study on whatever: alcohol, coffee, fatty foods, aspartame”. The studies are all over the place. They’re teasing out rounding errors. I think a lot of it is people are looking for the next tobacco to tsk, tsk people about. There was no doubt about tobacco and it should be tsk, tsked. For the most part with food and food like substances, it isn’t there. Eat whateverthehell you want in moderation, drink in moderation. Get off the wellness train and enjoy yourselves, in moderation. You’re going to be fine.
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