For those of you who wonder why — why on earth — the idea of returning to the Fort next spring fills me with dread and woe, look no further than a tiny little story swirling around the city like one of those dust tornadoes you see in urine-scented alleyways. It’s so depressing, from every possible angle, that you just want to smash your head against he wall out of sheer joy.
Yesterday: Democrats’ jokes called crass, caroled the Journal Gazette: Allen County Democratic Party Chairman Randy Schmidt said he will investigate questions of inappropriate content on the party’s Web site, but he said the humor on the site is similar to that of late-night talk shows. The party’s site contains links to sites that sell buttons with slogans such as “Hi, My Name’s Dubya, and I’m an Idiot” and “Ask Me About Bush’s Lobotomy.”
Of course, no story that pokes Democrats with a blunt stick would be complete without a quote from Steve Shine, chairman of the Soviet-style Allen County GOP organization. You have to know Comrade Shine to fully appreciate the way he talks; pompousness is such an ingrained part of his DNA that he makes Rush Limbaugh look like Mother Theresa. Plus, he had a career in radio for a while, and has a deep, resonant AM-radio-guy voice. When it delivers comments like this, it threatens to reduce my molars to powder: Allen County Republican Party Chairman Steve Shine called the content “totally inappropriate” and crass. “I’m rather appalled at the inappropriate sexually oriented comments, which appear to be extremely demeaning to women,” Shine said. “I don’t think that will set well in the City of Churches.”
But you don’t get feel the enormous depressing weight of it all until you actually go to the Democrats’ site, which looks as though it was designed by a blind man with a Geocities account. The only amateurish, annoying, ugly-ass detail it lacks is flashing type, although it has everything else — pointless highlighting, clip art, grammatical errors, the works. It’s no wonder the GOP stays cemented in virtually every county office when this is the best website the other side can come up with, not that theirs is much better, but at least it looks like someone read the manual first.
The second-day story is everything you’d expect: The “crude humor” — which remember, consists of material that displeased the head of the GOP — has been “cleansed” from the site. Huzzah. The world will sleep a little sounder tonight.
Remember: It’s the liberal media. And this is in the Democratic newspaper. I give up.