Today’s rundown.

We have two items on the agenda today:

1) Set the speed-dial on stun, start firing at 10 a.m. and, insha’Allah, score tickets to the Iggy Pop concert at the Fox Theatre in April, and;

2) Drive to Fort Wayne. Kate’s been clamoring for a trip to see her old friends there, and we finally got it together. I intend to collect on payment for that big editing job I did back around Christmas time, the payment being: Dinner. I told my host to choose a venue suitable to the quality of the work, which means we might end up anywhere from Joseph Decuis to Coney Island. It’ll be a short stay — 36 hours at the most — so I doubt I’ll be picking up the tab for all comers at Henry’s, but one of these days, Alice…

(Acknowledgement of The Truth Department: Detroit is a coney-crazed town, and its Mosque No. 1, so to speak, is a greasy little place downtown called Lafayette Coney Island. It’s open all the time, a great stew of humanity, with swarthy countermen and that ineffable Billy Goat vibe. At bar-closing time, it resembles the set of a Fellini movie. But I ate there exactly once, and feared for my health. I still have yet to find a coney here that’s the equal, taste-wise, of Fort Wayne’s Famous. So I wouldn’t mind eating there at all. They serve Cokes in the little 6.5-ounce bottles. Mmm.)

So let’s kick off the bloggage with a Fort Wayne theme. Hoosiers of the 3rd congressional district, this is your congressman, a man who claims 65 percent of all drug-related ER admissions are for marijuana use.

Man, I’m tired of people tailgating me, too. But I stop short of gunfire.

Do we want to wait until they develop weapons of mass destruction? Or do we want to nip this chimp thing in the bud? Your call, America. Bonus amusement: The landmark observation also supports the long-debated proposition that females — the main makers and users of spears among the Senegalese chimps — tend to be the innovators and creative problem solvers in primate culture.

I’m not laughing at Britney anymore. If only she could sing, you could call this breakdown the Full Judy Garland. (Here we see the female chimp using a crudely fashioned spear.)

Ever wonder just how the camera adds 10 pounds? Slate’s bird-dogging that one:

Bad lighting, mostly. The flat, even illumination on the red carpet makes it hard for the camera to capture dimension, unlike in a photo shoot with flattering soft lights. Cast from an angle, light creates shadows that sculpt the face and body by hiding unwanted flesh. Softer lights can hide wrinkles and smooth out the skin for women, while harsher lights on male faces exaggerate lines for a chiseled look. Without the aid of shadows, however, light exposes the imperfections of the face and body and makes the resulting image bigger and flatter. That’s why everyone avoids white dresses—which cast fewer shadows under even lighting—except the thinnest actresses, like Nicole Kidman.

Off to bird-dog Iggy! Back after the weekend.

Posted at 9:25 am in Current events, Popculch, Same ol' same ol' |
 

11 responses to “Today’s rundown.”

  1. 4dbirds said on February 23, 2007 at 11:15 am

    A coney is a hot dog place?

  2. colleen said on February 23, 2007 at 11:21 am

    Coneys are usually hotdogs with a chili sauce and optional onions and cheese.

    I hear the reason Oprah looks so fabulous on her show is the magic of her lighting people.

  3. ashley said on February 23, 2007 at 11:30 am

    I had chili cheese dogs from Sonic on Saturday night. I didn’t even get heartburn. Of course, I can even eat Lucky Dogs without heartburn, unless my pyloric valve sticks.

  4. Wanker said on February 23, 2007 at 11:34 am

    I think I prefer the chimps at the National Zoo wacking off instead of making WMDs.

    You can teach a old species new tricks. Chimps are not dumb animals and have been able to be “taught” many things including sign language–is it really that much of a stretch for them to learn to make and use spears after all they come from a continent where the the spear has been the main weapon of choice by african people for thousands of years. Another point to ponder is since this group of scientist “spent years” gaining the trust of this group of chimps, do we dare ask the question that maybe a few of the scientists picked up sticks over the years and used them to poke things–maybe even gave the chimps a little help and encouragment–just to say a few years down the road Eureka!!! we have proven that our ancient ancestors “discovered” how to use tools. Puhleeeeeze. Oh well–I guess the masses will just be OMG astonished! at this latest manipulation. I am so proud that my species has finally succeeded in teaching another to make weapons and use them to kill others. The fact that it was the females that ummm spearheaded this effort just goes to show you that keeping women barefoot and pregnant has been a pretty good strategy for us guys over the years. Maybe this will wake the NRA up and they will finally stop teaching women how to shoot guns.

    This just in: PETA has called a press conference later today in which they will condemn all chimps for killing and eating those little bush babies because after all bush babies are people to.

    SAVE THE BUSH BABIES!!!! That are some damn cute but taste just like chicken

  5. LA mary said on February 23, 2007 at 11:45 am

    Sticky pyloric valves seem to be a problem for folks in New Orleans. You’re the second one I know of.

  6. Rory on Lawn Guyland said on February 23, 2007 at 12:40 pm

    Hey, your Congressman is a nutjob. That’s all.

    –Rory

  7. Daniel said on February 23, 2007 at 1:04 pm

    Speaking of Judy Garland, THE JUDY GARLAND EXPERIENCE is an exciting and popular new group on Yahoo. We feature amazingly rare audio files, great photo’s, lively discussiions, and the most eclectic group of Judy fans anywhere! The only thing missing is you!
    Please stop by and check out our little Judyville, you may never want to go home!

    http://movies.groups.yahoo.com/group/thejudygarlandexperience/

  8. mouse said on February 23, 2007 at 3:42 pm

    Small wonder people in rest of the U.S.think us Hoosiers
    are all f**ked up.Great perfomance by Mark—nutjob is
    to kind.

  9. Laura said on February 23, 2007 at 3:59 pm

    Oprah looks pretty terrific in person, too. She must get more sleep than I do. Yeah, that’s probably it, right?

  10. brian stouder said on February 23, 2007 at 4:33 pm

    But didja get the Iggy Pop tix?

    THAT is the question that inquiring minds want answered!

    Souder is hopeless; and Coney is not just a place, but a state of mind. Here in Ft Wayne, if someone in the office makes a Coney-run and brings them back, everyone with a nose knows

  11. Dave K. said on February 24, 2007 at 4:12 pm

    Hey Joe, did you see your ol’ buddy Souder on TV? I really can’t believe that that IDIOT beat a good man like Tom Hayhurst. When the Steelworkers marched in with Tom at Souder’s hometown parade it was gratifying to see the support we got. Too bad there weren’t more folks in Grabill to vote Dem!

    Joe’s big bro., Dave