Death to adverbs.

I don’t know if there’s a way to search how many times I use words ending in “ly,” but I’m taking a vow today: No more adverbs. OK, fewer adverbs. OK, just no more of the bad ones.

Which are? The ones that appear in newspapers these days. The big three chapping my ass at the moment are “deeply religious,” “wept openly” and my current bete noire, “visibly shaken.”

There was an upset in the mayoral primary in Fort Wayne Tuesday. A reporter describes the scene at GOP headquarters:

Peters, who had the backing of the majority of Republican elected officials, left Republican headquarters on Main Street visibly shaken. “You don’t embark on a process like this without feeling you’ll prevail,” he said.

The first sentence writes the check; the quote bounces it. The candidate in question is a veteran pol and corporate HR executive, something of a career bureaucrat, and I bet the last time he was visibly shaken was when the Hurryin’ Hoosiers were upset at Assembly Hall. Yes, he was the favorite, but “visibly shaken,” to me, means he was pale, trembling, confused, teary, whatever. And if he was, then say so, dammit.

“Wept openly” — there’s another one. I suppose it’s possible to hide one’s weeping, behind your hands or in a bathroom somewhere, but if you’re in a position where you’re visible to others, your weeping is pretty open. You’re not fooling anyone with that “I must have something in my eye” trick, you know. “Wept unashamed” is better, if you have to point it out. (I had an editor once, Richard the Fabulous, who had the most deadpan sense of humor on the planet. He liked to say, “I wept openly” in describing some cheesy movie he’d just seen; it was code for “boy, did that suck.”)

“Deeply religious” — we all know what that means. Crazy religious.

I’m not the first one to say this; see Roy Peter Clark and Chip Scanlan on the same subject, both from Poynter.

Oy. It’s been a week, hasn’t it? I feel as though all I’ve done is rattle keys and approve comments. Thanks to all who stopped by, but if I’m going to make a living I can’t sustain this pace. Deadlines are callin’ and today I sign a contract for my summer project — text for a coffee-table book. Why Nance, you’re asking. Doesn’t that boil down to “cutlines?” No, it doesn’t. But it doesn’t add up to a 90,000-word manuscript, either. More like 20K, for a book with a nice history theme, which means lots of library research, old photos, microfilm and, because this is a Detroit project, deep sighing. It’s impossible to look at What Was in this city without mourning What It All Came To. I can be fairly dispassionate about the way societies change — the wheels turn, etc. — but “no regrets” isn’t really in my DNA, either. I’m not a Detroit defeatist; the city remains, even in its ruin, endlessly interesting and worth sticking around to see what comes next. But it was once something so grand, and you have to give that a moment of silence, too.

More on this project as it gels.

Do we have bloggage today? We do.

Just another day in the D:

One night last week, someone firebombed an abandoned house on Caldwell Street in northeast Detroit that was 4 feet from a home occupied by 22-year-old Adrian Griffin, a small, taut woman who awoke in a bedroom radiating heat like an oven.

When she opened her eyes, she saw flames from next door licking through a cracked window. She jumped out of bed and rousted her younger brother and sister. They escaped and stood on the sidewalk, watching the flames consume their home.

As she stood there, Griffin said, she thought to herself: “Is that fire engine smoking?” Yes, that was smoke. It was pouring out of the motor of the principal pumper engine on the scene, and it eventually forced the firefighters to shut down the pumper and rely on other equipment.

You live next door to an abandoned house, which is then firebombed by an arsonist, which sets your own house on fire, and the fire fighters arrive, and the pumper breaks down. Someone once told me that “living on the south side of Fort Wayne is a political act,” probably with an index finger raised in the air. But let it be said: Living on the south side of Fort Wayne is to living in Detroit what watching “Black Hawk Down” is to actually fighting on the streets of Mogadishu.

Meanwhile, Golden Wheel honoree Ron hits another one out of the park with his explication of how Michigan teachers will end up bankrupting us all. OK, a bit of overstatement, but not much. Probably not for non-Mitten residents, but for all interested in how these things get out of hand.

That’s it for me. On to the gym; my knee’s finally up for more abuse.

Posted at 8:39 am in Media, Same ol' same ol' |

53 responses to “Death to adverbs.”

  1. brian stouder said on May 10, 2007 at 9:14 am

    Well, on the Ft Wayne mayoral primary, Pat ‘the local talk radio lip-flapping tool’ White was as deeply embittered, openly angry, and visibly shaken on his 3pm show yesterday as I could possibly have hoped!!

    Last time ‘his’ candidate went down in flames in the primary, he cried and cried about how those dirty Democrats crossed over JUST to beat his buddy, etc etc etc…..and THIS time he went onto a semi-incoherent rant about how we should all be ASHAMED!! ASHAMED I say – that only 9% of us even bothered to vote in the primary!!

    As it turns out, 14% of us voted…still a paltry number, but his error was more than half wrong – as usual!

    I suppose this marks some progress; at least he didn’t go on about Democratic dirty tricks and other dark theories (if you get my drift. He is very into ‘dark theories’ as he justifies his visceral opposition to the FWCS renovation initiative)

    And on the other hyper-local thing, my mom lives a block north of McMillan Park in Ft Wayne…the heart of the dreaded Southeastern quadrant. Northeastern (like Pat White) and Southwestern Ft Wayne people resent even being IN Fort Wayne, let alone that they have to share the city (and the election outcomes) with the people in the much-maligned southeast.

    Nance has it about right; things happen quickly there sometimes (there was a drive-by shooting 3 blocks away, when I was mowing the yard last week), but not very often

    1427 chars

  2. alex said on May 10, 2007 at 9:49 am

    Visibly shaken? Nah. That’s somebody who just survived an SUV rollover and manages to be ambulatory at the scene. Nelson Peters looked bummed out, which might seem like gutter slang to the last few bluehairs still reading the News-Sentinel, but it would be more understandable to most.

    Funny, the day before the election I was approached by the victor while sitting in my car in a rush hour jam. All around were children holding up Vote for Kelty signs in a fairly impressive effort. When he introduced himself and asked for my vote, I told him sorry but I’m not a city resident. To which he replied, “Pray for me, then.”

    Traffic had begun moving and I didn’t have the heart to tell him I wouldn’t be doing that either. He seems like a genuinely nice man, just way too much of a lightweight to follow such tough acts as Graham Richard and Paul Helmke. And way too crazy religious for my tastes, and I suspect most people’s.

    929 chars

  3. sdh said on May 10, 2007 at 10:17 am

    It’s impossible to look at What Was in this city without mourning What It All Came To.

    I think this is true of all of the industrial cities of the north. I certainly live in one.

    190 chars

  4. nancy said on May 10, 2007 at 10:22 am

    sdh, I see you live in Rochester, NY, so yes, you get to say that. The WSJ had a great story last week about Youngstown, Ohio, which is pursuing a radical urban renewal plan — letting abandoned neighborhoods go back to prairie in an organized manner. (That’s exactly what happens here, but in a highly unorganized manner.) They’ve faced facts: The industrial revolution has moved offshore and the good times ain’t ever coming back. I admire their honesty.

    456 chars

  5. brian stouder said on May 10, 2007 at 10:34 am

    letting abandoned neighborhoods go back to prairie in an organized manner.

    I have noticed that houses are disappearing, and being replaced by grassy gaps, scattered around town. Driving down Pontiac street, the neighborhood has a somewhat gappy, toothless look. The green spaces are all mowed, and some have benches and flowers

    338 chars

  6. John said on May 10, 2007 at 10:34 am

    “And way too crazy religious for my tastes, and I suspect most people’s.”

    Hmmm…I know what you mean but just how crazy religious is one allowed to be before crossing over the line?

    There was older gentleman (passed on now) in town who created a backyard shrine of bathtub Jesuses and Marys. He didn’t bother anyone (other than the city by failing to keep his taxes paid) and allowed others to come visit/pray in his sanctuary. I would probably put him in the crazy religious pile, but his religious practicing didn’t bother me nor anyone else.

    Oh the other hand, there are the crazy religious folks who find their calling in showing up at funerals and spreading the Good News by screaming hate speech. These folks bother me.

    So does it come down to the public practice of religion as the arbiter of whether a person is too crazy religious?

    965 chars

  7. alex said on May 10, 2007 at 11:07 am

    Well, John, when a stranger or nonintimate acquaintance gets religious in front of me it’s not much different than if that person were getting naked in front of me. To my sensibilities, it’s an invasion of my privacy. Why? Because I wouldn’t be at all comfortable behaving reciprocally.

    I’m particular uncomfortable when a politician is figuratively putting his pecker or her twat in my face. They just shouldn’t do that.

    424 chars

  8. brian stouder said on May 10, 2007 at 11:24 am

    when a stranger or nonintimate acquaintance gets religious in front of me it’s not much different than if that person were getting naked in front of me. To my sensibilities, it’s an invasion of my privacy. Why? Because I wouldn’t be at all comfortable behaving reciprocally.

    Well, Alex – just for the sake of discussion – wouldn’t this same standard make mothers who breast-feed in public an invasion of your privacy?

    (to be clear, I find asking random people on the street to “pray for me” somewhat odd, too; although if he gets elected that might be a less-odd request!)

    591 chars

  9. John Brown said on May 10, 2007 at 11:26 am

    Mr. Peters looked like a guy who just got passed over for a promotion that he had been angling for his whole adult life. His opponent was able to get the nutjob core out to vote by convincing them that if they voted for him, he would do less than any other recent mayor. The old “less taxes, less government” speech.

    319 chars

  10. John said on May 10, 2007 at 11:31 am

    The Reverse Golden Rule: If done to you what you wouldn’t do to someone else, then it must be (at the minimum) inappropriate.

    Does your sense of privacy extend to your observations while in public? I was out to lunch last Friday and observed an older couple say grace before their meal. This was certainly a PDR (public display of religion), but I wasn’t offended by it. If you are offended by someone’s public behavior, then say so. Don’t call it “crazy religious behavior”, but rather “crazy behavior”.

    512 chars

  11. Sally T. said on May 10, 2007 at 11:39 am

    I was at GOP headquarters and his eyes were red and watery. It reminded me of watching my 7th grade daughter’s dance team tryouts and the tears and sobbing of the girls that didn’t make the team.

    On the pray for me thing, “lighten-up Francis”.


    255 chars

  12. Marcia said on May 10, 2007 at 11:46 am

    Alex, I’m praying for you.

    26 chars

  13. Scout said on May 10, 2007 at 11:52 am

    >If you are offended by someone’s public behavior, then say so. Don’t call it “crazy religious behavior”, but rather “crazy behavior”.

    149 chars

  14. Scout said on May 10, 2007 at 11:59 am

    I had written a rather lengthy comment about the above quote. It apparently got eaten, so I suppose my attempt to engage in the conversation with now be winnoed down to just this:

    I think the word “crazy” is used in reference to Nancy’s writing, “The big three chapping my ass at the moment are “deeply religious,” “wept openly” and my current bete noire, “visibly shaken.” “

    391 chars

  15. derwood said on May 10, 2007 at 12:00 pm

    Gotta go with Alex on the “crazy religious” call. I cringe when people I don’t know wave their religion at me personally. I have no problem with religion, I just believe it is a personal matter. I don’t need or want to know what your beliefs are. As far as the PDRs, my wifes family likes to make a huge production in a restaurant before they eat. It is very loud, praying, hand-holding spectacal that is only done to make sure everyone else in the buidling knows they are praying. I get up and go wash my hands before they start.

    533 chars

  16. Dorothy said on May 10, 2007 at 12:01 pm

    I will, too.

    12 chars

  17. Marcia said on May 10, 2007 at 12:02 pm

    Sally, too.

    11 chars

  18. nancy said on May 10, 2007 at 12:04 pm

    Let’s ease up on Alex. He is a good guy, if a hell-bound one.

    Here’s my objection to being asked to pray for a politician: It’s the same as being asked to pray for a sports team. It just sounds so amazingly presumptuous of God’s will, never mind the idea that God even gives a fat rat’s ass who is elected mayor. Those of us who have prayed have all been selfish about it, whether we’re asking to pass a geometry test or recover control in a black-ice skid or make someone else find us irresistible. But in the fullness of time, I find something creepy in viewing God as a celestial ATM machine. if I were to take up praying again, I think the only one I would make would be some version of “help me see what I should do.”

    Maybe that’s all Kelty was asking for, but it just sounds kind of icky, so “go, team.” This is why I get cross-eyed with rage when I hear George Bush expound on God’s plan for his life. If 3,000 innocent people had to die in a ball of fire so that Bush could find the strength to wage the global war on terror, then he’s not worth worshipping.

    1073 chars

  19. Marcia said on May 10, 2007 at 12:07 pm

    Good Lord, I was kidding.

    I’m in a pissy mood because I am spending all of my time on graduation announcements. Okay, who had the brilliant idea of inner and outer envelopes and little sticky thingies for the cards with his name, and why did I procrastinate about ordering the pre-printed party invitations so that I now have to write them by hand?

    Oh, wait, I know, because this is the kid who, despite his genius-area IQ, was not exactly sure if he was going to pass all of his classes and graduate. ‘Cause, you know, doing projects and homework and stuff just isn’t so important.

    The ceremony is at the Schott. If he actually does walk and get a diploma, I think I’ll immediately head for a campus bar.

    717 chars

  20. Kirk said on May 10, 2007 at 12:10 pm

    Seems to me it’s a matter of degrees. If someone at the next table in the restaurant wants to say grace before he eats, I consider it unusual but not offensive. If that person asked me to join him or to be quiet or something like that, that would offend me. When I go to a NASCAR race, I know there’s going to be a giant pre-race prayer. I don’t have to bow my head but, out of respect, I hush up for two minutes. When some Jehovah’s Witnesses or Mormons ring my doorbell in an effort to convert me, they’re invading my privacy and offending me, and I will put them to flight.

    576 chars

  21. Marcia said on May 10, 2007 at 12:14 pm

    Grace before dinner is such a Christian cliche. I’m not all that interested in pursuing a mindless dogmatic faith.

    Anyway, back to the topic at hand, or not really, because I’m not talking about adverbs nor about journalists.

    But I am irritated at something I read in print; does that count?

    One of the attorneys responsible for the life is short get a divorce billboard was whining about it being taken down due to, not public outrage, but the mere lack of a permit.

    She said she felt she had been “violated.”

    This made me want to slap her and say, look, sweetie, obviously you’ve never had anything happen to you in your life that could actually fit that definition, or you wouldn’t be tossing it around in that manner.

    I mean, come on. Violated?

    770 chars

  22. Kirk said on May 10, 2007 at 12:31 pm

    Justifiable irritation, Marcia. Of course, as a lawyer, she’s used to getting paid to exaggerate.

    It’s not an adverb or an exaggeration, but I just reached the “That’s enough” point with an expression in a story that one of our reporters is writing for this weekend. The surgery patient she’s writing about isn’t getting several drugs or a combination of drugs or a mixture of drugs, she’s getting a “cocktail” of drugs. How ridiculous.

    439 chars

  23. Connie said on May 10, 2007 at 12:56 pm

    Marcia, I feel for you, I was in your place last year. But the open house is far worse than the invites. I did the party invites on the computer. And I made the about to graduate kid do the inside envelopes and put it all together herself.

    242 chars

  24. Rumpled_Foreskin said on May 10, 2007 at 1:10 pm

    Wait a minute.

    If a tree falls in the woods, and there’s nobody there to see or hear it, has it really fallen?

    If one does not weep openly, has one wept at all?

    173 chars

  25. Seamus said on May 10, 2007 at 1:13 pm

    Yes, adverb creep is underway. Denouncing this is certainly profitable.

    But you also miss the point. You are taking what has clearly become cliche and complaining about a trivial aspect.

    The ass chapper that would be a more meaningful thing to complain about is the fact that each of these usages are misbegotten attempts by the writer to hide the fact that editorial commentary has just been introduced into what otherwise masquerades as a declarative sentence. In particular, “wept openly” is clearly perjorative. “Visibly shaken” not so much, yet it does retain the aura of an unapproved display of emotion. “Deeply religious” is context-dependent, but it always indicates either the writer’s approval or disapproval.

    Remove the adverbs from each of your constructions and what remains? Wept, shaken, religious. In today’s journalism, these are still words of judgment.

    893 chars

  26. Dorothy said on May 10, 2007 at 1:28 pm

    I was goofin’ around too! I guess dry wit doesn’t come across in the comments.

    I’m just sort of in a weird mood today. It’s my husband’s 50th birthday, and one year from today my baby will be getting married. Same baby is graduating one month from today and he declined to get graduation announcements. So I have nothing to do. Except, of course, surf the ‘net trying to find a house. And worry that mine won’t sell in 2 or 3 weeks so I don’t have to stay here alone. None of this has me visibly shaken, I might add.

    Other than that I’m just peachy. And not praying for Alex.

    589 chars

  27. alex said on May 10, 2007 at 1:32 pm

    Lighten up? I was just trying to get pecker and twat past the spam filter. Hey, it worked.

    Actually, I have no problem with people saying grace amongst themselves, or even building bathtub shrines in their yards if that’s what blows their skirts up. Or breast feeding. I’m not even all that put off by Matt Kelty trying to cadge a buck from me at the celestial ATM machine, but mannerswise he might as well have been stickin’ his thang through my car window.

    461 chars

  28. sdh said on May 10, 2007 at 1:32 pm

    Kirk… “cocktail” is the term doctors use, it wasn’t made up by the reporter. And in that context it is a correct usage of the term. It also says something about the culture of doctors, doesn’t it?

    Grace before dinner is such a Christian cliche. I’m not all that interested in pursuing a mindless dogmatic faith.

    Perhaps it is cliche for many people and many families… but it was never cliche in my grandfather’s house. Just because a daily ritual might be a matter of rote for many people doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have a grace of the profound for a few.

    Anyway, I really don’t mean to come off as so contrarian… I was originally going to respond to Nancy’s comment about these northern industrial cities.

    Rochester has its charms (despite the copious amounts of snow, the winter is usually mild), but its problems are inherently larger than itself: mired in the way in which town-city boundaries were established, and shackled to the bizzarro-world that is NY state politics, being ever so dependent on state aid just for mere survival. Also, Rochester still has the urban scars of Robert Moses (interstate spurs abound here) and urban renewal. Any comprehensive large-scale efforts (a la Youngstown) would require a tremendous amount of intergovernment cooperation–something which is not going to happen when every politician is more concerned about preserving what they have, because it is slip-slip-slipping away, than trying to till the ground for a new tomorrow. I would imagine that Detroit is much the same.

    1546 chars

  29. Kirk said on May 10, 2007 at 1:39 pm

    I know the medical community uses “cocktail,” and if it works there, that’s fine. But it’s a good example of jargon that shouldn’t be promoted into the vernacular. Unfortunately, too many reporters have a tendency to regurgitate what they hear rather than turn it into everyday English.

    286 chars

  30. nancy said on May 10, 2007 at 1:43 pm

    Sorry Seamus, but I can’t get on that particular bias train. Someday someone will invent a reporting machine that can write down facts and report them free of bias, but until then, editors are going to have to trust that their reporters have eyes and brains. If I say someone was shaken, then they are goddamn SHAKEN, and IT’S GOING IN THE PAPER.

    You see why I’ve been such a smashing success at my trade.

    Alex, thanks. Now I have the picture of Matt Kelty’s pecker in my head. And soon someone’s going to Google “matt kelty’s pecker,” and come here. I’ll watch my stats.

    578 chars

  31. nancy said on May 10, 2007 at 1:49 pm

    Kirk, there’s a fine and shifting line between using terms of art and confusing the reader. I’d much rather have someone use jargon judiciously — meaning “that which is understandable through context” and give me a sense of how a group uses the language, than dumb it all down. I know a cocktail is a mixture of different types of liquor, so if you say “drug cocktail,” I know what that is.

    The worst offenders on this score are education reporters, who pick up school-administration jargon like flypaper and like to spew it all back in their stories.

    556 chars

  32. 4dbirds said on May 10, 2007 at 2:13 pm

    Congrats on your graduate Marcia. I have a graduate this year also, with honors from GMU. He refuses to attend the ceremony. I was shaken and wept openly but not being deeply religious or any kind of religious I let it go. He says he’s thirty, a man damn it, who was a non-com in a war and he isn’t walking across any stage with a bunch of 22 year olds. Sigh. Glad you son is giving you a nice memory.

    407 chars

  33. jcburns said on May 10, 2007 at 3:05 pm

    A staggering 22,774 words ending in LY on (including comments), as of this moment. (grep ly\b, for all you UNIX fans.)

    125 chars

  34. nancy said on May 10, 2007 at 3:12 pm

    Really? I find that totally, utterly, sadly out of line with expectations.

    74 chars

  35. LA mary said on May 10, 2007 at 3:30 pm

    I use the word silly a lot. You can subtract those.

    51 chars

  36. brian stouder said on May 10, 2007 at 3:37 pm

    Holy Moly! that’s a really ugly statistic! Well, b’golly, gotta fly.

    68 chars

  37. Jim in Fla said on May 10, 2007 at 4:31 pm

    Perhaps we should quickly head to the nearest AA (Adverbs Anonymous) meeting…

    My name is Jim, and I’m an adverb abuser…

    126 chars

  38. Scout said on May 10, 2007 at 6:31 pm

    I like Alex…

    14 chars

  39. joodyb said on May 10, 2007 at 11:13 pm

    I’m always(no -ly!) interested in the ritual of saying grace in the households of others. perhaps this was a peculiarly(adv) frontier/agricultural/nomadic behavior, not casually performed. its routinization devalues it. how did it get to be called grace, anyway? grace of god, of course, gracing the food. grace is a scant concept nowadays. and such a good one, when you think of the trickle-down of modern-day religion. then there are all the funny forms of grace kids come up with, at camp, etc.
    you don’t see it much; i certainly don’t, running with the pagans i do. consider the presumption of asking those at table to pray; everyone in my town is like me, it’s fine, a homogeneous exercise. it’s like dude saying ‘pray for me.’ oh, you really(adv) don’t want me doing that. just who do you think who i pray to?
    more and more i find myself in circumstances where i just have to bow my head in silence until the talking stops. and i’m not even sitting down! like anyone ever reciprocates in that regard.
    pray for me. really(adv)! the nerve!

    1048 chars

  40. Danny said on May 10, 2007 at 11:47 pm

    Wow. Odd day around here. I was busy doing a dog-n-pony show for my benevolent corporate overlords.

    I like Alex too. And Mary too. I just can’t abide Stouder. Oh and Marcia and Dorothy really piss me off.

    That is all. Good night. 🙂

    245 chars

  41. Marcia said on May 11, 2007 at 6:45 am

    Danny, ain’t nobody afraid of you.

    Thanks for the wishes for my graduate. I really do pray for him.

    And on that note, I did not mean to offend anyone who enjoys a sincere moment of grace before eating. But as anyone who read my blog knows, I am on a bit of a deconstructing Christianity kick–not discarding it, just trying to break it down to the basic elements and leave out all the extraneous this-is-what-an-American-Christian-looks-like crap.

    I really, really mean that sincerely. Truly. Honestly.

    515 chars

  42. brian stouder said on May 11, 2007 at 6:48 am

    Well, I’m about due to forget to do the ‘close italics’ (or whatever) trick again, and then get pitched back onto posting suspension….so you will only have to battle M and D, and not ol’ bs!

    192 chars

  43. Marcia said on May 11, 2007 at 6:54 am

    Well, I can see banning Brian, but where’s my last comment?

    66 chars

  44. nancy said on May 11, 2007 at 7:02 am

    In the Akismet spam file, Marcia, but no more.

    46 chars

  45. Jolene said on May 11, 2007 at 8:15 am

    Chiming in late re “drug cocktail”: This term also has a more specific meaning than “mixture” or “combination”, as it generally refers to several drugs taken together for a specific condition.

    For instance, people w/ psychiatric disorders often take several drugs to address their illness. People w/ depression, for instance, might take an antidepressant plus other drugs meant to augment their effects. Some examples include synthetic thyroid, beta blockers, or others.

    At least in the medical community, one wouldn’t typically use “cocktail” to refer to two different meds taken for, for example, hypertension and arthritis.

    636 chars

  46. brian stouder said on May 11, 2007 at 8:17 am

    Speaking of deconstruction and basic elements and so on, and with an acknowledgement that we are on slippery ground whenever we try and read too much into a picture –

    the mug shot of the ex-HBO CEO is creepy!

    (there is an article at msnbc today, and you can scroll down to see the central-casting ‘heavy’ mug shot of Chris Albrecht…if I put the link in, it will kill the post)

    The easy joke is that this guy really does think he’s Tony Soprano (only without the wet work, presumeably)…but on second thought, reading that interview with David Milch, this all almost looks scripted.

    It is almost TOO HBO-like…glossy violence (smacking around a woman at the MGM Grand after a big big PPV heavyweight championship fight), hard-boiled gangsta look, fast fall from grace, and immediate replacement by another guy ‘with issues’; and all within weeks of the finale of the network’s big big show

    905 chars

  47. Eric B. said on May 11, 2007 at 8:32 am

    Some people have a secret “rage word,” that inexplicably turns them from serene human into raging monster. For me, that word is … bizarrely.

    143 chars

  48. Dorothy said on May 11, 2007 at 8:58 am

    Eric for me the word is “irregardless.” Which is NOT really a word.

    I want to sit next to Jolene at a dinner party one night. Of course the fact that I’m on an anti-depressant and a beta blocker have something to do with my desire to get to know her better.

    263 chars

  49. Marcia said on May 11, 2007 at 9:16 am

    Irregardless, Dorothy, we’re going to be practically neighbors. Bizarrely enough.

    (Ha. Two ly words and Dorothy’s choice of rage. I win.)

    143 chars

  50. Marcia said on May 11, 2007 at 9:17 am

    Oh, man, as soon as I hit post I realized that I should have said irregardlessly. Then I would really have won.

    119 chars

  51. brian stouder said on May 11, 2007 at 9:23 am

    At that point, Marcia, all you’re doing is making the rubble bounce higher

    74 chars

  52. Jolene said on May 11, 2007 at 11:31 am

    “I want to sit next to Jolene at a dinner party one night. Of course the fact that I’m on an anti-depressant and a beta blocker have something to do with my desire to get to know her better.”

    There’s a reason that example was on the tip of my tongue.

    255 chars

  53. Dennis said on August 14, 2007 at 5:25 pm

    Matt Kelty is currently being arrested for an undisclosed number of charges stemming from the grand jury investigation that concluded today.
    Obviously we don’t know whether this means he is facing one misdemeanor charge, or all three initial charges including the felony, so stay tuned and I will update this thread as soon as news starts to flow forth from the Fort.

    Anyone have a scoop on this? Let’s hear it.

    415 chars