OK, I said I’d be back, and I’m back, with goodies this time. Not tasty baked goods, but something I stole from somebody else.
WashPost humor columnist Gene Weingarten frequently starts his Tuesday chats with polls. Today he had two — one very serious (on a child-sex-abuse case), the other considerably not (on rating 15 guy-walks-into-a-bar jokes). I recommend the second.
For some stupid reason, he separates the polled into men and women, so choose your poison. And if there’s some reason the links don’t work, because of cookie issues or whatever, go back to the main page and enter that way — it’s near the top.
I was pleased to see I agreed with Master Judge Dave Barry on the three funniest, but we differed sharply on the three lamest. If nothing else, you’ll pick up more than a dozen new guy-walks-in-a-bar jokes.
brian stouder said on September 25, 2007 at 2:24 pm
best – 3, 6, 10
lamest – 15, 13, 11
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nancy said on September 25, 2007 at 2:29 pm
Nope. The best are 2, 5, 15. The worst are 1, 3 and 12.
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Robert Rouse said on September 25, 2007 at 2:29 pm
Okay, this might be a little un-PC, but no one ever accused me of being PC.
“A baby seal walks into a club.”
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Joe K said on September 25, 2007 at 2:37 pm
a priest a rabbi and a nun walk into a bar,
Bartender say’s
What is this some kind of a joke.
Joe K
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alex said on September 25, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Where did Dave Barry rate them? I didn’t see that part. I saw the breakdown on respondents and I’m basically in a tiny minority on every last one of my choices:
Funniest: 1, 7, 11;
Unfunniest: 5, 6, 10.
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Dorothy said on September 25, 2007 at 3:26 pm
I liked 1, 12 and 15 the best. I’m partial to jokes about “rustling” because of this one:
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying in a pile of leaves? Russell
Worst: 3, 4, 10
Nancy I met Mark Ellis today! I actually got to eat lunch at the same table as him. It was an all-employee lunch at the college and I told him about how I follow your blog, etc. He was nice to talk to.
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nancy said on September 25, 2007 at 4:09 pm
Oops, I’m wrong. I only tracked with Barry 2/3 of the way:
Dave picked as best 2, 6, and 15, which are the amnesiac, the Chihuahua and the big pause. As worst, he picked 3, 4, and 14, which are jumper cables, brain, and giraffe. )
(He and I were in almost complete agreement. I liked jumper cables more than he did.)
To his choices, I add, as best, 5, which is, Descartes, and as worst, cowboy, which is 12.
Dorothy, is that ex-Dispatcher Mark Ellis? Working at Kenyon now? Tell him I said hi.
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MaryC said on September 25, 2007 at 10:49 pm
Best: 2, 15, 13
Worst: 9, 10, 14
Interesting part of this (to me, anyway) is that my favourites were pretty much everyone’s favourites (including 2/3rds of Dave’s) but my choices for worst weren’t that common. I hate puns with all my heart although I am partial to the Russell joke and laughed like a drain the first time I heard it.
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john c said on September 26, 2007 at 8:40 am
15 clearly was the finniest. I laughed out loud at the punchline.
But they didn’t include my all-time favorite:
Grasshopper walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Hey mac, we’ve got a drink named after you.” and the bartender says: “Steve?”
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john c said on September 26, 2007 at 8:40 am
Oops, I mean the grasshopper says: “Steve?”
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Jen said on September 26, 2007 at 9:17 am
Mushroom walks into a bar (right after the cheeseburger leaves), and the bartender says, “I just told the other fellow, we don’t serve food here.” Mushroom replies, “You don’t understand…I’m not food…I’m a fun-gi.”
Horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?”
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ashley said on September 26, 2007 at 10:04 am
Ann Coulter walks into a bar, and the bartender asks her, “Why the long face?”
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ashley said on September 26, 2007 at 10:10 am
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, “Olive or twist?”
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, “For you, no charge!”
A baby seal walks into a bar. “What can I get you?” asks the bartender. “Anything but a Canadian Club,” replies the seal.
A guy walks into a bar with a dog. “This dog is the smartest dog in the world.” he says. “He can answer any question.” “Oh yeah?” says one of the patrons. “Prove it!” The man turns to his dog, and asks, “What is over our head? ” “Roof!” “How does bark feel?” “Ruff!” “Who is the greastest baseball player who ever lived?” “Ruth!” The patrons, growing tired of the show, throw the man and his dog out of the bar. The dog then turned to the man and asked, “Should I have said Joe Dimaggio?”
A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.
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nancy said on September 26, 2007 at 10:12 am
Ashley, the e-mails sending me your comments indicate you’re posting from a .mil server. Have you hacked the Pentagon’s guy-walks-in-a-bar jokes database AGAIN? They’re not going to go so easy on you if you get caught again.
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ashley said on September 26, 2007 at 10:17 am
Comrade, you mess up my clearance, we gonna have *words*.
And what else do you think we keep on these servers? Iraqi intelligence? Plans for victory?
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brian stouder said on September 26, 2007 at 10:22 am
A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.
reminds me of what the dyslexic atheist proclaimed – “There is no Dog”
They’re not going to go so easy on you if you get caught again.
it could be that Ashley is actually posting from the commons area at Gitmo, even as we speak
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MaryC said on September 26, 2007 at 10:38 am
Oops, I mean the grasshopper says: “Steve?”
john c, you tell jokes the way I do!
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ie said on September 26, 2007 at 10:50 am
Nancy – the site is all better now! Thanks.
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derwood said on September 26, 2007 at 10:57 am
Funniest: 5, 12, 15
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ashley said on September 26, 2007 at 12:04 pm
“it could be that Ashley is actually posting from the commons area at Gitmo, even as we speak”
Yeah, but Brian, the cigars are heavenly. I just gave them my Koran, and things went much easier.
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James said on September 26, 2007 at 6:52 pm
A toothless termite walks into a bar and asks, “Where’s the bar tender?”
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