Marital aids.

What's on sale this week?

You younger readers may want to sit down for this next part: Once upon a time, the only thing you needed for great sex was a can-do attitude and a filthy mind. All the other stuff that goes along for the ride — raw oysters, lingerie, a firm mattress, bourbon — is just frippery. Fun frippery, sure, but not necessary. How this universal human experience of joy came to be seen as wanting, I have no idea. Maybe someone thought plain old sex was too ’70s, too granola, too hairy-legged or something. When I learned young people were piercing their tongues for the express purpose of “improving” oral sex, I could only shake my head and recall the old joke, about what a man says after the worst bj of his life. (“That was great.”) I tell you this so you can know where I’m coming from when I tell you what I found in my Sunday newspaper ad insert, among the grocery ads. Yes, it’s a marquee position for KY’s latest concoction, a “couples lubricant” called Yours & Mine.

(And yes, let me pause for a moment to imagine the many geezers I toiled under in the newspaper business — the same ones who fretted over every too-high hemline in a fashion story and too-suggestive title in the movie listings — peeing their pants over this. Alas, they are no longer in a position to turn down advertising, even pre-print, and needless to say, if “Sexual Perversity in Chicago” were being made into a movie today, no one would have to change its title to “About Last Night” for fear of not being able to advertise it. It might help if they cast someone other than Demi Moore and Rob Lowe, however.)

At this point, I’d like to add a little musical accompaniment:

Now that I’m a geezer myself, of course I wondered why “he” needs a lubricant at all, unless Yours & Mine is just an elaborate cover for a gay thing, in which case I don’t think they’d be advertising with salad dressing and barbecue sauce.

But as you can see, the hook isn’t just that there are two flavors here. Hers is “thrilling,” his is “exciting,” and then there’s a strong hint that together, they’re greater than the sum of their parts — “one amazing reaction.” Are they referring to plain old friction, or is this like one of those tricks Brian Cranston pulls in “Breaking Bad”?

The ad is coy, the website, even more so. (Warning: Extreme Flash-heavy.) My guess is, there’s some sort of chemical reaction when they get together. What sort, I don’t know, but I can speculate. Perhaps the baking soda/vinegar kind, or maybe the Mentos/Diet Coke variety. I hope it’s not aluminum foil and toilet cleaner, as that would be very unsexy. But you never know. I think drilling a hole in your tongue isn’t exactly the height of erotica, and you’ve seen what I know.

Someone with a deeper background in advertising might like to weigh in and tell us about how difficult it is to sell sex products in traditional media. The old-line MSM may be dying, but they still wrangle millions of eyeballs on a daily basis, and successfully placing an ad like this — one that frankly sells the sex, not “feminine comfort” or some other euphemism — is no small accomplishment. Even if the pitch has to be made to, er, married couples. On the website, two mini-ads feature “Mr. and Mrs.” couples, and the tagline is “Couples that play together…stay together.”

In other words: Do it for the children!

Speaking of marital relations, Jenna Bush’s wedding went off without a hitch (that we know of), and the pictures (that we saw) were lovely. An old pro of the wedding racket told me once all brides either gain or lose weight going into the big day, and it seems Jenna was a loser — she really looks sensational in her dress. The party-girl beer fat is gone now that she’s grown up a bit. She’s taking hubs’ name, settling down in Baltimore and we won’t hear from her again until the baby or rehab. It’s NotJenna I’m a little worried about now:

I see her sister picked out a meh dress and made her put flowers in her hair — entirely within her rights as the bride — but there’s something about that smile that looks a little …off. And why is she doing that thing with her shoulder?

Recent rotator-cuff surgery? Mainlining “America’s Next Top Model” reruns? Or just whatever mom takes every morning to get through her days?

Not much bloggage today, but there’s this: Yet another first-the-earth-cooled explanation of the credit crisis, in simple enough language that a toddler could understand, via This American Life. It’s my firm belief that if Barack Obama started talking about Wall Street in language like this, John McCain would surrender by June 1 and, if we were really lucky, we might be able to rush Washington with pitchforks and torches. In the meantime, listen and simmer.

Posted at 8:51 am in Current events, Popculch |

41 responses to “Marital aids.”

  1. MommyTime said on May 12, 2008 at 9:07 am

    The poses in that last photo look like what happens when your friend in high school says “let’s pretend we’re fashion photographers” and you take turns being the photographer and the model. I’m sorry. That wasn’t nice to say. Okay, off to read your bloggage link and perhaps get some more brain cells for the morning, so I can say something useful somewhere at some point.

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  2. del said on May 12, 2008 at 9:28 am

    Does anyone recall Ross Perot’s anger at George Bush’s alleged involvement in disrupting Perot’s daughter’s wedding?

    Last week on a weekday at about 5:00 p.m. my 8 year old daughter and I were watching a Discovery Channel story about a baby penguin when a commercial came on for “Extenze” and a woman in close up started talking about her man getting larger. . . Don’t mean to be a prude but c’mon. At least a little later in the evening?

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  3. velvet goldmine said on May 12, 2008 at 9:30 am

    Is that flowers in her hair or just two bushes blending into one in the top photo?

    That’s a terrible joke, sorry….meaning, is Barbara hair kind of blending in with the flowered shrubbery?

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  4. John said on May 12, 2008 at 9:31 am

    Just a quick note from someone over 50 with 28 years marital experience: Astroglide—worth its weight in gold.

    ‘Nuff said.

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  5. del said on May 12, 2008 at 9:32 am

    Notice the large cross in the background of the 1st photo? Sinclair Lewis said that when fascism comes to America it will come in one draped with a flag and holding a cross. Sorry. A little too heavy for the morning coffee break.

    Better replay the Barry White song . . .

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  6. Jolene said on May 12, 2008 at 9:40 am

    I don’t think the flowers were in Barbara’s hair, Nance. I think she’s standing in front of a flower arrangement. And, yeah, those poses are strange. And Laura’s dress could be used to illustrate “matronly” in the dictionary. Surprises me, actually, as she is usually well turned out in a conservative way. And yes, Jenna looks great.

    I was kind of amused, actually, by the way they kept the press at bay. When you are the prez, you have quite a security detail at your command. I understand that the airspace for 15 miles around the ranch was controlled.

    The WaPo reporters assigned to the story did one short piece on TV w/ the proprietor of the local souvenir store, wrote one story that focused on how they couldn’t get any information before the wedding, and another afterward in which they reported a few details of the pre-wedding dinners. Seems the people at the restaurants where those dinners were held didn’t know until almost the last minute who they were cooking for.

    They could have saved Argetsinger’s travel expenses and paid a copy editor for a month.

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  7. nancy said on May 12, 2008 at 9:50 am

    She’s got some kind of floral garland in her hair, and I’m putting a round of beers on it. Laura’s facelift is starting to look a little, um, surprise!

    You know, with the aggressiveness of the paps these days, I really don’t blame them for clearing air space and operating under a DefCon 4 security umbrella. The couple has a right to throw the kind of party they want, and I’d imagine air-space clearance is probably standard anytime the leader of the free world is in the vicinity. But yeah, you’re right — why bother sending someone to cover an event they can’t get within a dozen miles of?

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  8. Dorothy said on May 12, 2008 at 9:55 am

    Astroglide – is that something the Jetson’s dog invented??

    Sorry John, that was too good to resist.

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  9. John c said on May 12, 2008 at 10:03 am

    I thought exactly the same thing when I saw that pic. Jenna looks great and not-Jenna looks like she’s wasted and goofing around trying to pose like a model. I also thought Dubya looked great. And I can’t stand the guy. Hope they had a nice wedding, though. Everyone should have a nice wedding.
    My beef with the sex ads, much like del and the Discovery Channel, is the one that appears every day in the Freep on the sports agate page. My 9-year-old reads that page every day, running through the scores with ol’ dad while the latter makes his breakfast. It’s a great part of my day and not just cause I’m getting the scores. Baseball is something we can share all our lives and it’s nice to see it taking shape. Plus I feel like I’m swimming against the tide, creating a little newspaper reader. It ticks me off and makes me feel like an old geezer when I see the “Sex For Life” ad and wonder what he’s thinking, and when he’ll ask me about it.

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  10. Jolene said on May 12, 2008 at 10:11 am

    You win, Nance, although I don’t know how you could have figured that out from these photos. You can see it more clearly in the fifth photo in this series.

    Meanwhile, have you all checked the headlines re the earthquake in China?

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  11. colleen said on May 12, 2008 at 10:12 am

    NotJenna always looks kind of skanky to me. I think Jenna looked terrific, for sure. I read somewhere the bridesmaids were supposed to look like Texas wildflowers or something….

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  12. nancy said on May 12, 2008 at 10:18 am

    It is hard to see, but my amazing eye explained: The floral arrangement on the right side of the altar is all white, but you can see a purple flower in NotJenna’s hair. Face facts, people: The Bushes are not a family that could tolerate asymmetrical floral arrangements, especially on an altar.

    I do note that she took it off for the rest of the pictures. I can just see her, high heels sinking into the turf, third glass of wine in hand, squealing, “If that’s another goddamn bee I am throwing this thing in the lake. It is! It’s a bee! Take the picture quick because this is the LAST one!”

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  13. Connie said on May 12, 2008 at 10:20 am

    What John said. Go to the astroglide web page and they will be happy to send you a free sample.

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  14. Jolene said on May 12, 2008 at 10:39 am

    Oh, and speaking of sex, here is Tom Shales on VH!’s four-part series called Sex: The Revolution. He doesn’t say whether there’s any discussion of Astroglide in the series.

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  15. moe99 said on May 12, 2008 at 10:43 am

    At times like these, I always remember the aphorism: Politics is hollywood for ugly people.

    Jane Hamsher, Quentin Tarantino’s former producer, knows a thing or two about Hollywood, and it is her contention that John McCain is so full of botox, that he can’t wiggle his eyebrows. I think we should all focus on that when next he appears on our tv screens.

    And eww to the reason for pierced tongues. Why am I always the last to know these things?

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  16. Pam said on May 12, 2008 at 10:47 am

    NotJenna has round shoulders (like moi, even when I was skinny). If she didn’t pull them back, the dress would droop in the wrong place. But still, she looks like she’s operating on a couple of doobs. Personally, I’m happy for the media blackout. It’s never a great day to see too much of dubya and company on TV.

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  17. Sue said on May 12, 2008 at 11:48 am

    1. Even I would would have picked a better dress than Laura.
    2. (In gyne’s office: “Yes, doctor, it’s been foaming down there for a few days now. I can’t imagine what caused it.”)

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  18. Julie Robinson said on May 12, 2008 at 11:51 am

    NotJenna was clearly being instructed by the wedding photographer to contort her body in yet another of the poses they inflict on their victims. Those people are pure evil.

    And now I know why I couldn’t get on NNC at the internet cafe in Florida. Their filters rejected anything they considered prurient.

    Oh, well, missed you all and happy to be back. My big sis ended up with a quadruple bypass with side orders of pneumonia and diabetes, but she’s back on the road to health again and I get to see my nuclear family for a couple of weeks. Today our son Matt is 21 and we’re taking him to Club Soda for his first legal drink. Cheers, all.

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  19. michaela said on May 12, 2008 at 12:13 pm

    You know what strikes me about those pics of the Dubyas? The prez and Jenna look legitimately, naturally happy. My HTML skillz are lousy, so I will just refer you to shot #3 in the NYT slideshow; I dare say the emotion there looks genuine.

    Laura and NotJenna, meanwhile, look stiff and uncomfortable… I wonder if they disapprove of the match, as Jane Austen would say? Or are they just grumpy in general?

    Julie, I hope your sister is on the mend soon. I’ve just recovered from pneumonia, and that alone threw me for a loop. Can’t imagine dealing w/ diabetes and heart surgery along with it…

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  20. John c said on May 12, 2008 at 12:17 pm

    I hadn’t heard about McCain and botox. But I’d urge my fellow dems to be careful there, seeing as how he has his share of war wounds. I think I read somewhere he can’t raise his arms to put a coat on.

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  21. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on May 12, 2008 at 12:30 pm

    Not botox, but scar tissue — along with the shoulder thing johnc alluded to (he was hung by his arms from an overhead bar in the Hanoi Hilton for enough weeks straight that they just don’t lift up any more, so he does need assistance to put on a jacket).

    A legit concern about Johnny Mac is that he had facial melanoma enough to have half his face peeled back and surgery twice, with follow-up treatment. On the right side of his face, as you’re looking at him, he’s got a vertical scar from temple to almost the jawline, and in official photos close-up you either see the other side or a flipped photo.

    I suppose he’s gone along long enough that the danger of a reoccurence is over, but it was no small thing and a fair question for media follow-up (see Tsongas, Paul). If they used some botox to keep it all looking normal, i’d say better that than pancake, but you can’t watch his eyebrows and forehead in a public forum without knowing he has full mobility where most cosmetic botox goes.

    Update: just went and checked — the last procedure was seven years ago, so i guess you can call him clear on that score.

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  22. alex said on May 12, 2008 at 12:33 pm

    (In gyne’s office: “Yes, doctor, it’s been foaming down there for a few days now. I can’t imagine what caused it.”)

    Recently I read a rather glib medical dictation by physician:

    SUBJECTIVE: Patient presents complaining of “cottage cheese in my puddin’ thang.”

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  23. whitebeard said on May 12, 2008 at 12:53 pm

    Ah, the old newspaper days when the censors were on every floor including one stunningly beautiful composing room person who made a grand fuss about a perceived camel-toe in a swim suit ad and it never saw print, thanks to her vigilance.
    Then there was the person who bought bad-word finder software that was so dumb that it blocked any mention of a VW Passat because there was an “ass” lurking there to contaminate young readers under 62.
    In Montreal, the abbreviation of the Confederation of National Trade Unions being CNTU, proofreaders were on constant lookout for mixing up of the letters.
    In The Soo, the composing room foreman pounced on me first thing in the morning to change the Ann Landers headline that read “A Good Frig Is All She Needs.” Perhaps she also required that kind of attention, but what she really needed was a good refrigerator to keep her box lunch cold.
    The headline on a pet store in another paper “Two Friends Like To Do It Doggie-Style” made the first edition and the headline writer did find a job at another newspaper.
    Back to Canada, the story about Karsh, the famous photographer of prime ministers and the like. including Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau whose photo was hanging on the gallery wall in Parliament, accepting lesser assignments, earned the headline “Now You Too Can Be Hung Like Trudeau.”
    Another Montreal story about the decrease in the number of pawn shops with their distinctive three golden globes to attract attention. “Man With Three Balls Rare Sight On (Whatever) Street.”

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  24. nancy said on May 12, 2008 at 1:02 pm

    Agreed on whoever said Dems shouldn’t press the botox issue. Lots of people use botox for non-vanity reasons, and given how often McCain is photographed, I’d give him a pass on it. Obviously he’s an old man and he’s never lied about his age. If he wants to look just a little less grizzled in a culture as image-obsessed as ours, I say let him.

    I never understood all those stupid “silky pony” references to John Edwards. He’s a great-looking guy with great hair, and somebody once caught him on video committing the crime of combing it before going on national television, ergo he’s a talking hairdo.

    Don’t get me started on the Hillary’s-a-hag stuff. Just don’t. (And I believe that both her and Laura Bush have had a bit of work done by a very good plastic surgeon.) This whole campaign has been groundbreaking for a woman, so I think we can allow her to do what she thinks she needs to do.

    As for the Bush twins, I always found it interesting that they were fraternal twins who came out looking exactly like one parent but not the other, and how often they’re photographed next to the parent they favor. It’s even sort of eerie, how Jenna the party girl/image of dad chose Texas and Barbara the smart one/image of mom the librarian went to Yale. A real soap opera of a family, this clan.

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  25. Catherine said on May 12, 2008 at 1:14 pm

    Jenna looks beautiful and happy, as one hopes for any bride. I for one liked the dress, having seen enough skanky and clearly uncomfortable strapless wedding gowns.

    Laura is obviously a victim of too much botox. The effect is called cat’s eye, when the corners start to turn up. See Kidman, Nicole, and also my dermatologist (although wouldn’t you, if it’s free?).

    NotJenna gives me a bad-body-image vibe. Already quite thin, but still certain that her arms are too flabby. Hence holding them away from her body so the “fat” isn’t smashed flat.

    W, well, I can’t even look at him anymore, much less listen.

    And, thanks for the aluminum foil and toilet bowl cleaner link. I am seriously going to rush out and do that.

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  26. Julie said on May 12, 2008 at 1:27 pm

    I’m glad I’m not the only person in the world who is convinced Laura is juiced to the gills.

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  27. Jolene said on May 12, 2008 at 1:31 pm

    Now I feel like I’m entering one of those conversations about whom the new baby looks like, but . . .

    I think Jenna looks more like Laura, especially in shape of face. Also, she’s a teacher, has written one young adult book, and, recently, has published a children’s book w/ Laura, so she got those teacher genes.

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  28. Scout said on May 12, 2008 at 2:03 pm

    From day one I suspected that the person who dresses Laura is a liberal mole and this outfit confirms it. Dear God, just when you think she can’t look any less stylish… And yes, her botox seems to be hardening. Bless her heart.

    NotJenna looks really baked… I’ll have what SHE’S having!

    You’d never know just by these pictures what an evil putz the father of the bride is, would you?

    The bride – radiant!

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  29. Hattie said on May 12, 2008 at 2:30 pm

    I’m laying my snark aside, because even these people deserve a nice wedding.

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  30. Julie Robinson said on May 12, 2008 at 2:39 pm

    BTW, I saw a lot of women with that surprised look down in Florida. Besides the eyes, several had a weird joker-style smile that extended halfway into their cheeks and simply would not stop, even when they frowned. It made for an unforgettable look, what with the shorts and black pantyhose in 90 degrees and all.

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  31. MaryC said on May 12, 2008 at 2:41 pm

    Laura looks strikingly like Nancy Reagan in that first photo, doesn’t she? At least in the face (Nancy wouldn’t have been caught dead in that dress). Same surprised eyebrows, same prominent chin and cheekbones where the skin has been pulled back.

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  32. caliban said on May 12, 2008 at 7:34 pm

    My better angels say leave ajenna Bush alone. But, I think, let her deal with crap like Chelsea Clinton had to. I think on of them has more resources, but I don’t know that, and they’re both kids. Modern weddings are archaic gatherings of people harboring internecine jealousies, familial devotion dislikes that may rise to hatred , like the Thane and Mrs. NacReth getting hitched.

    Something obscene always happens. I was boxed in and made to marry the mother of my child in a parodic double ceremony with a sister in law and her beax that my father-in-lawdespised so much I had to take my wife’s sister out of the home after she’d been tied to a Lally column to keep her from the worthless jackass. Some dumbass ideation of some dumbass Sicilian form of honor about the eldest daughter required to get hitched first.

    At one early point of the reception, in as tony aa place as Boston offers, and Boston is tony, other groom’s brother reported to the head table that “Ma fell down.” During the dancing, I guess, and I guess she was lit. Both marriages ended in divorce. Quelle surprise.

    Whatever. Many weddings are atrocities that the crucial participants either live through or they don’t. My ex-wife lived on through. and she’s happy and I’m not unhappy and we had a perfect child. We should probably have had the sense to run like hell

    I tend to avoid weddings. I’ve a (I guess) second cousin (my cousin’s adopted daughter) that’s so gorgeous she was a born degas model, and she’s smart and strong. She married a guy I thought pretty shady, and I thought about how my daughter idolized her cousin. They’re doing fine, and my keed has found a guy she thinks is fine, and he’s given her a chunky diamond. Funny how things turn out.

    I owe an apology.


    Mine’s gray and red these days, so no matter how much I despise shaving, I’m forbidden to let nature take its course. Fortunately, I’m encouraged in other matters of nature and even sometimes the unnatural.

    I apologize for being snide, but I won’t get over Guv Dean’s abandonment of Kerry when the lying jackal Swiftboaters struck. Seriously, how does anybody with a brain and a cinscience let this swift boat sit go on? His response was a guerilla raid on Democrat central with the implied message that the Presidential race didn’t really matter all that much. Edwards was no better. Isn’t the job description for a VP nominee pitbull, to eat purveyors of scurrilous attacks alive? And wasn’t Kenneth Blackwell empowered to game Cuyahoga County by the retreat to Naderist omphaloskopsis by lots of the same people that have gotten holier than thou these days and rebranded as “progressives”?

    Everybody abandoned Kerry. From the point of view of someone that battled in Grant Park, you can all just shut up about liberal being a dirty word. Fact jack. Kerry was a hero no matter what whores like Brent Bozell say. W protected and stocked the O club. Kerry was way up the MeKong, and he got shot and he did what he had to do.

    The SwiftBoat attack on Kerry had less to do with 2004 than it had to do with how much they hated Kerry for the BCCI investigation, and exposing Nixon years before that. Raygun unwitting criminal., no shit, he pardoned all the criminals. Kerry embarrassed these asshole criminals, if Americans weren;t morons and they held a grudge. And since they were terrorists of a state variety, they held a grudge like Chiggurh.

    I just watched No Contry for Old Men. John Kerry is Lewellyn Moss. Soebody want to tell me Kerry wasn’t screwed over by the true believers?Baileded and voted for Dean and Nader’

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  33. MichaelG said on May 12, 2008 at 9:45 pm

    I truly despise Bush but I must admit the bride looks very nice. I have nothing against her and would agree that she deserves a happy wedding. The mom looks, as she always has, like she dresses out of a 1977 Monkey Wards catalogue. She also looks like she saved a few bucks when she selected her plastic surgeon. The sister? I don’t know. All the speculations in the comments sound plausible to me.

    As far as looking under the weather goes, well . . . I certainly can’t say anything, though Mom does look rather loopy. I got quite toasted at my daughter’s wedding. That was a great party.

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  34. basset said on May 12, 2008 at 10:43 pm


    when I see two tubes packaged up like that I think epoxy, can’t help it.

    Caliban, Michaelj, whatever name you’re using this week… do you ever go back and read that runon crap you posted when you were too stoned to type straight?

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  35. Joe K said on May 13, 2008 at 12:36 am

    Is it just me or does everyone else skip over Caliban’s post’s ??

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  36. Terry WAlter said on May 13, 2008 at 12:59 am

    Now that the wedding photos have been released, I eagerly anticipate pictures from the honeymoon… OK, you’re the presidents’ daughter, college graduate; and you CHOOSE to live in Baltimore???

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  37. MarkH said on May 13, 2008 at 4:47 am

    Sorry, y’all, I don’t agree. I don’t think Laura has had any major work done, just a great aesthician with some great chemicals; ok, maybe botox here and there. To me she just doesn’t show the signs of “major work”. It all looks too natural, nothing remotely like The Joker, ala Mary Tyler More these days, or, God forbid, Jocelyn Wildenstein. Same for Hillary, Nancy. Lots of money and time on skill, facial chemicals, but that’s it. Both women have changed over the years, but no suddenly reappearing eyelids, obvious stretching, or abnormally smooth facial skin over wrinkled necks, like Barbara Walters. Laura has always looked great, but perhaps suspiciously so; she certainly hasn’t changed much in eight years. Just my $.02.

    And here’s something I didn’t know about Laura:

    Don’t know what to make of the twins, except notJenna always struck me as the, uh, kinkier, of the two. Not as overtly attractive as Jenna, Barbara has the look and demaeanor of one who carries, shall we say, secrets of sexual skill. Her pose in the photos is a clue, classic red carpet celebrity: back straight or arched, arm facing the camera pulled back so the tits are out (sort of, with her). All about the “presentation”. All female celebrities have got this down.

    And, Basset, I’m glad someone else besides me figured out who Caliban is.

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  38. Kevin Knuth said on May 13, 2008 at 7:42 am

    Those KY containers look a bit phallic…….marketing ploy or are they expanding to “toys” as well?

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  39. Jen said on May 13, 2008 at 8:24 am

    “I for one liked the dress, having seen enough skanky and clearly uncomfortable strapless wedding gowns.”

    Catherine, I, too, am very glad that Jenna had the sense to wear a wedding dress with straps that wasn’t flashing cleavage all over the place. All anyone does when they wear a strapless gown is tug it up all the time. Thank goodness my best friend is allowing me to put straps on my dress when I am her maid of honor this summer or I’d be tugging and flashing everyone at the wedding. My wedding dress and those of my bridesmaids will have substantial straps and be relatively modest in the neckline.

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  40. brian stouder said on May 13, 2008 at 8:32 am

    I’d be tugging and flashing everyone at the wedding. I bet dad’s stomache just hit turbulence!

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  41. Dorothy said on May 13, 2008 at 10:08 am

    It’s not just you, Joe K.

    I’m hoping Jenna & Henry get some good mojo from the wedding date they chose. My parents got married on May 10, 1944, and it was a good date for them for 61 years. It’s also my hubby’s birthday, and would have been my son’s wedding date as well. But that worked out the way it was supposed to work out.

    I’m not one to analyze pictures/faces/expressions/etc. I hope they all had a wonderful day, as all weddings should be. Except it didn’t work out that way for this low-life couple from Pittsburgh. (Sorry, I’m trying VERY hard to do a hyperlink but just can’t seem to do it here in Mozilla Firefox!)

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