nancynall.com » Miss? Another cocktail.

Miss? Another cocktail.

One of the things I like about my Russ­ian teacher is that she’s a bit older, retired after 30 years in the pub­lic schools, and unlike my UM grad-student TA, we share a com­mon ini­tial ref­er­ence point for Rus­sia — the old Soviet Union. She shares her library of Soviet-era books with me, and under­stands what I’m ask­ing when I won­der whether young Rus­sians ever call one another tovar­itch (com­rade), you know, iron­i­cally. Some things seem to have made the tran­si­tion from Com­mu­nist Rus­sia to oli­garchi­cal Rus­sia intact, how­ever. Take the national air­line, Aeroflot:

It is nor­mally a moment of cheery reas­sur­ance when an air­line pilot greets pas­sen­gers dur­ing prepa­ra­tions for take-off. But Alexan­der Chep­levsky sparked panic on flight Aeroflot 315 when he began to speak.

His slurred and gar­bled com­ments ahead of a flight from Moscow to New York con­vinced pas­sen­gers that he was drunk. When he appar­ently switched from Russ­ian into unin­tel­li­gi­ble Eng­lish, fear turned to revolt.

It gets bet­ter. After the air­line sent reps to calm the pas­sen­gers, they offered this com­fort­ing ratio­nal­iza­tion:

One sought to reas­sure them by announc­ing that it was “not such a big deal” if the pilot was drunk because the air­craft prac­ti­cally flew itself.

And then the pilot finally came out of the cock­pit to face his accusers:

Mr Chep­levsky did lit­tle to ease pas­sen­gers’ fears by refus­ing to leave the cock­pit to show that he was sober. When he was finally per­suaded to face them, wit­nesses said that he appeared unsteady on his feet and had blood­shot eyes.

“I don’t think there’s any­one in Rus­sia who doesn’t know what a drunk per­son looks like,” Katya Kush­ner, one of the pas­sen­gers, told the Moscow Times, which had a reporter trav­el­ling on the flight.

Well, they can’t all be Ches­ley Sul­len­berger, I guess. That last quote made me gig­gle — vodka is to Rus­sia what gin was to Vic­to­rian Eng­land, i.e., what crack cocaine was to late 20th-century urban Amer­ica. Remem­ber crack? Remem­ber crack babies? Amer­ica was birthing a gen­er­a­tion of mon­sters, we were told, a zombie-youth corps that would doom our already impov­er­ished cities to true night­mare sta­tus. I believed it. You prob­a­bly believed it. And guess what? It’s not true. While smok­ing crack dur­ing preg­nancy isn’t harm­less to infants, and while it’s true that babies can be born addicted to drugs, the life­long effects are about roughly equiv­a­lent to…well, let the NYT nut graf tell the tale:

Cocaine is undoubt­edly bad for the fetus. But experts say its effects are less severe than those of alco­hol and are com­pa­ra­ble to those of tobacco — two legal sub­stances that are used much more often by preg­nant women, despite health warn­ings.

All of this is lead­ing to some­thing you prob­a­bly already read — it’s got­ten a lot of cir­cu­la­tion in the last few days. I nor­mally hate “the speech he should have given” pieces, but Radley Balko’s thoughts on what Michael Phelps should have said about that bong pic­ture breaks the bounds of the genre by being actu­ally read­able and, um, true:

I take it back. I don’t apol­o­gize.

Because you know what? It’s none of your god­damned busi­ness. I work my ass off 10 months per year. It’s that hard work that gave you all those gooey feel­ings of patri­o­tism last sum­mer. If dur­ing my brief win­dow of down time I want to relax, enjoy myself, and par­take of a sub­stance that’s a hell of a lot less bad for me than alco­hol, tobacco, or, frankly, most of the pre­scrip­tion drugs most of you are tak­ing, well, you can spare me the lec­ture.

It goes on, and it’s worth read­ing. I gen­er­ally object to drugs on more prac­ti­cal grounds, i.e., does the world need more stu­pid peo­ple pinned to their couches, laugh­ing at “Jack­ass”? But it’s a free coun­try, and you don’t have to join them, and Balko’s argu­ment is sound. When it comes to drugs that really take a toll on soci­ety, it’s hard to top alco­hol. This isn’t an argu­ment for pro­hi­bi­tion. We already had it, and we lost, or rather we scram­bled to some sort of Gaza/partition deal, where alco­hol is OK but other drugs aren’t. So the swim­mer who earned 14 Olympic medals has to grovel and pre­tend what he was pho­tographed doing is pre­cisely the same as inject­ing a speed­ball into his arm. While some­where halfway around the world, the dark com­edy of Aeroflot and its drunken pilot unfolds as farce.

I don’t get it, either. But I appre­ci­ate it.

And so we come to the news I’ve been avoid­ing so far: Amy Wel­born, my ex-neighbor in Fort Wayne, lost her hus­band sud­denly yes­ter­day. Michael Dubruiel went for a run at the Y, col­lapsed and died of sud­den car­diac arrest. They had recently relo­cated to Alabama and were lov­ing their new home (even while their old one sits like a rock on the mori­bund Fort Wayne real-estate mar­ket). Besides Amy, he leaves behind two lit­tle boys and all the usual holes in many other lives. This is the third time in a year that some­one I’ve known has died and left lit­tle chil­dren with­out a par­ent. Worst year ever.

57 responses to
“Miss? Another cocktail.”

  1. jeff borden said on February 4th, 2009 at 10:59 am

    Con­do­lences to you on the death of your friend. We lost two great pals over the past cou­ple of years who were only in their mid-40s: one to a stroke that led to a brain anuerism that killed him and the other to a heart attack. Allan had remar­ried for a sec­ond time just two years ear­lier and left behind a 7-month-old daugh­ter. I cried as much at his funeral as I did at those of my mother (84) and father (86). They had led long, good lives and were ready for the next phase. Allan (who left the baby daugh­ter behind) had every­thing to live for and was only 45. I still mist over when I think about that lit­tle one never being able to remem­ber what it was like to be held by her dad.

    Re: Phelps. The drug poli­cies in this coun­try are insane. There are some 600,000 Amer­i­cans in prison for marijuana-related offenses. Are some of them bad folks who deserve to be there? As Sarah Palin would say, “You betcha.” But most are no threat to soci­ety. Yet we act like these guys are the embod­i­ment of the Pur­ple Gang. Dri­ving while stoned should get you the same treat­ment as dri­ving while drunk, but I’m at a loss as to under­stand how soci­ety is threat­ened if friends sit around pass­ing the pipe while watch­ing “Harold and Kumar Go To White Cas­tle.”

    Then there’s the racially cock­eyed way we impose jus­tice.

    A black teen on the West Side of Chicago gets caught with a cou­ple of rocks and he is head­ing for prison. A white teen in the north­ern sub­urbs gets caught with a gram of pow­der and he heads for coun­sel­ing and then a return to school. Why is smok­ing coke worse than snort­ing?

    And we haven’t even broached the REAL prob­lem — the increas­ing use of pre­scrip­tion drugs. Lots of kids are get­ting a buzz from the pills they find in Mom and Dad’s med­i­cine cab­i­net.

    Nancy, you alluded to Pro­hi­bi­tion. Most his­to­ri­ans and crim­i­nol­o­gists find the nation­wide roots of La Cosa Nos­tra in the rich pay­day that befell those mob­sters who cir­cum­vented the law with ille­gal hooch. . .a pur­suit so prof­itable it was worth killing rivals to pro­tect. We face a sim­i­lar sit­u­a­tion today, but the gang­sters are not so dis­cern­ing as those who worked for the Mafia, who tended to kill each other. Today, if there are five inno­cent chil­dren near your intended tar­get, well, that’s just col­lat­eral dam­age to your mod­ern gang­banger.

    It’s still polit­i­cal sui­cide to even broach the sub­ject of revis­it­ing drug laws. The iner­tia ben­e­fits no one but the gangs, who just get richer and more vio­lent by the year.

  2. Dorothy said on February 4th, 2009 at 11:01 am

    Oh my good­ness, how sad about Amy’s hus­band. Her fam­ily will be in my prayers. I had for­got­ten about the other lady you men­tioned in the link, but Ash­ley Mor­ris would be a third per­son to leave so sud­denly. What a world…

  3. LA Mary said on February 4th, 2009 at 11:03 am

    There was Ash­ley as well. He had some lit­tle guys, didn’t he?

  4. nancy said on February 4th, 2009 at 11:08 am

    Yes, I for­got he was in the last 12 months, too. I’ll fix that.

    Hana Mor­ris is fur­thest down this road, and from her blogs of late, it doesn’t sound like she’s hav­ing an easy path.

  5. Gasman said on February 4th, 2009 at 11:31 am

    Nancy,
    My deep­est sym­pa­thy and empa­thy. My wife’s cousin, 50 years old, died a cou­ple of weeks ago. He had a mas­sive heart attack in his sleep and never woke up. He had no symp­toms and no warn­ings. We are still a bit numb. The sober­ing real­ity is that increas­ingly we feel like sur­vivors as our rel­a­tives, friends, and con­tem­po­raries start falling around us. Let us honor their mem­o­ries and toast them fondly with hap­pier mem­o­ries and bev­er­ages of our choice.

    Bon voy­age, mes amis!

  6. Catherine said on February 4th, 2009 at 11:37 am

    I will keep Amy and her boys in my prayers. I lost my mother when I was about their age. All I can say is, it sucks.

    What Jeff said about drug pol­icy, and what Nancy said about alco­hol being more toxic in the womb than cocaine or tobacco. If you’ve ever worked with a child with Fetal Alco­hol Syn­drome (I had one in a Sun­day school class), it’s just… such a shame. The odd thing is (accord­ing to my sis­ter the OB) that it’s dif­fi­cult to pre­dict which chil­dren are going to be born impaired. If you’re drink­ing while preg­nant, the odds of a FAS baby are some­thing like 1 in 4. The pla­cen­tal bar­rier really does work its magic in many cases. And in other cases, much less drink­ing still leads to FAS — hence the warn­ings about drink­ing while preg­nant — but hon­estly, is there any other legal, non-prescription, ubiq­ui­tous sub­stance that can cause such fetal dam­age?

  7. coozledad said on February 4th, 2009 at 11:52 am

    I remem­ber read­ing a sim­i­lar story about a Russ­ian jour­nal­ist who was on a pas­sen­ger train head­ing not quite to Siberia. The engi­neer walked back to his car bear­ing a cou­ple of bot­tles of vodka and offered him a drink.
    “But who’s dri­ving the train?”
    “This leg is another eigh­teen hours, and besides, the damned thing’s on rails. Chill.”

  8. brian stouder said on February 4th, 2009 at 12:30 pm

    The funny thing about death is its (alto­gether coun­ter­in­tu­itive) power to astound us, at any time. The sur­prise never gets old.

    Aside from that, if an Olympic cham­pion WERE to lec­ture us that “dur­ing my brief win­dow of down time I want to relax, enjoy myself, and par­take of [an ille­gal] sub­stance… well, you can spare me the lec­ture.”

    I would take the deal and spare him the lec­ture.

    And I would ask that, in return, the rest of us bor­ing law-abiding folks should like­wise be spared the lec­ture (from ‘open-minded’ cul­tural scolds and the like) about how it’s just non­sen­si­cal and unfair that spon­sors aren’t bang­ing down his door to give him the mil­lions he thinks he would have got­ten, if his actual behav­ior matched his All Amer­i­can good fella image (other than, say, Zig Zag)

    Deal?

  9. Hoosier said on February 4th, 2009 at 12:41 pm

    No Brian death does not always sur­prise one. Some­times one prays for the pain and suf­fer­ing of a loved one to end. And when it does, its a releif; a joy that the suf­fer­ing is over.

  10. Rana said on February 4th, 2009 at 1:05 pm

    Nancy, I’m sorry about your friend.

  11. Jeff Borden said on February 4th, 2009 at 1:09 pm

    Brian,

    No lec­tures from me. By the same token, I have zero prob­lem with a 23-year-old ath­lete act­ing like a typ­i­cal 23-year-old, par­tic­u­larly given the hell­ish train­ing sched­ule he endures for most of the year. Those who want to tar this excep­tional com­peti­tor because he smoked some dope and drank some beer –par­tic­u­larly those who do it as they sip a dou­ble Scotch or a mar­tini after work– prob­a­bly would be well-served to look back to their own youth­ful dis­cre­tions before they fit the kid for his prison stripes.

  12. whitebeard said on February 4th, 2009 at 1:17 pm

    I lost my two broth­ers, years apart, but both were 58 years old, one a heavy smoker, sud­denly as he walked down­stairs to his car, and the other on dial­y­sis and every­thing else fail­ing, peace­fully in his sleep. It seems unfair that one’s younger broth­ers should die first; there was so much more to talk about.
    So my prayers go out to the widow and her young boys.

  13. Deborah said on February 4th, 2009 at 2:08 pm

    I’m in my late 50s. A cou­ple of weeks ago I had a close friend die, aged 64, and 2 acquain­tances died a bit before that, one was my age and the other a cou­ple of years older. So I guess this will con­tinue to hap­pen as I age. I don’t think I’ll get used to it.
    Regard­ing drugs, I totally agree that we have a sys­tem that’s totally bro­ken. I had a large bev­er­age com­pany as a client once, they make bour­bon and a bunch of other adult bev­er­ages. They spend a ton of money on lob­by­ing, I don’t think things are going to change eas­ily. Alcohol.Firearms.Tobacco.

  14. nancy said on February 4th, 2009 at 2:15 pm

    I didn’t want this to become a mourn­ing thread. While I like Amy and knew Michael a lit­tle, we’re not close and weren’t friends beyond read­ing one another’s blogs, cor­re­spond­ing about this and that, and them com­ing to a Christ­mas party at our house a few years back. (At which their son, who was then about two, took the baby Jesus out of the Nativ­ity scene and showed him to us. He dropped the fig­ure to the car­pet and the dog, who as usual was being dri­ven INSANE by our party guests with all their FOOD, lunged for B.J. and we nearly had an inci­dent. I think they were mor­ti­fied, being far, far more reli­gious than us. I thought it was just funny. Stu­pid dog. Ha ha ha.)

    Any­way, I think what’s hap­pen­ing to me/us this year is sim­ply that we’ve reached That Age, when the phone calls that come aren’t nec­es­sar­ily good news. I’m at the point where when I receive e-mail with the sub­ject line Big News, I no longer assume it’s about a great new job, a preg­nancy or other glad tid­ings. It’s just as likely to be about tumors, ill­ness and death. “The age of grief,” Jane Smi­ley called it in one of her books. That’s it.

    When these things hap­pen I inevitably pause to reflect on how bad oth­ers have it. There was a man in Fort Wayne who lost his brother at the World Trade Cen­ter, and both his chil­dren in a sin­gle car acci­dent a year or two later. None of us live in Iraq. Imag­ine being a woman in Dar­fur when the jan­jaweed blow into town. Most of us have pretty good lives, which we’ve worked hard to get, so we can sit around at our com­put­ers through the day chat­ting with strangers. Bad things hap­pen, but we’re mainly spared real cat­a­stro­phe.

    My par­ents made a bunch of new friends in their 50s, and com­menced a social whirl of fun that sus­tained them until they reached assisted liv­ing. I think maybe that’s the answer to the age of grief. Keep pass­ing the open win­dows, you know?

  15. jeff borden said on February 4th, 2009 at 2:48 pm

    I will change the sub­ject. Read­ers of NN.C. How immoral am I for want­ing Dick Cheney to keel over as soon as pos­si­ble? How rot­ten am I as a per­son for wish­ing this blight on Amer­ica would go off to what­ever eter­nal pun­ish­ment he so richly deserves sooner than later?

    In his lat­est pro­nounce­ments on how Pres­i­dent Obama is endan­ger­ing us by scrap­ping the law­less meth­ods of inter­ro­ga­tion favored by him and his fas­cist bud­dies Adding­ton, Libby, Yoo etal., you can dis­cern his fer­vent wish that more Amer­i­cans die in a ter­ror­ist attack so that the filthy work done by him and his pack of jack­als is jus­ti­fied.

    It’ll be good for Repub­li­can elec­toral prospects, too.

    Is there a politi­cian in mod­ern times more awe­somely mon­strous than this pseudo-patriotic, five-time draft defer­ring chick­en­hawk S.O.B.?

  16. Sue said on February 4th, 2009 at 3:08 pm

    Ok, before this com­ment board explodes re Jeff Borden’s com­ment, I would just like to say that my hus­band and I have decided that we are going to send an email to com­pa­nies that drop their Michael Phelps endorse­ments. The emails will all begin with the fol­low­ing sen­tence: “Dude. That was haaaarsh…”

  17. beb said on February 4th, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    Jeff B. — Not good enough of an effort to change the sub­ject, alas.

    I was read­ing the other day about some researchers who made biodiesel out of used cof­fee grounds. It seems that ever after being used to make cof­fee, the gorunds are still about 10-15% oil, which can be squeezed out and make into diesel fuel. It’s said to smell a bit like a cup of cof­fee. As opposed to the biodiesel made from used fryr fat that smells like french fries. So save your cof­fee grounds, folks, they may be worth some­thing some day!

  18. Jeff Borden said on February 4th, 2009 at 3:20 pm

    Beb,

    Sheesh, what’s a guy have to do, lol? I should be immune to that creep after eight years, but Cheney’s san­ti­mony and smug­ness always push my but­tons. One more exhibit, I guess, in my emo­tional retar­da­tion.

    We drink a lot of cof­fee around here, but I won­der how much more we’ll have to con­sume to do our fair share for energy inde­pen­dence.

  19. LA Mary said on February 4th, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    Can I add Rush Lim­baugh to the list of peo­ple I have no desire to ever hear of , from, or about again? He’s a rich drug addict who deserves no atten­tion, no respect.

  20. Dexter said on February 4th, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    Lin­den Nel­son was very inter­est­ing on the Frank Beck­mann Show on WJR this AM…’tis true: the movies are com­ing to The D.
    http://​www​.freep​.com/​a​p​p​s​/​p​b​c​s​.​d​l​l​/​a​r​t​i​c​l​e​?​A​I​D​=​2​0​0​9​9​0​2​030361

  21. Dexter said on February 4th, 2009 at 3:26 pm

  22. brian stouder said on February 4th, 2009 at 3:42 pm

    Jeff – agreed.

    edit: Mary – Agreed!!

    The NY Times still hasn’t posted their red-pencil (or blue?) quiz answers…and it was a DIFFICULT quiz.

    It became appar­ent (to me, any­way) that the more you try to “fix” things, the more things appear to need fix­ing! – quite dif­fi­cult.

    Any­way, I just wanna know whether the ‘just’ gets the red pen­cil in the first prob­lem. If I got noth­ing else cor­rect except just that one thing, than I’ll be happy as a pig in mud!

    btw – Just found out that our W2′s are all incor­rect, and they will be re-issued. As it hap­pens, we were await­ing other doc­u­ments any­way; but we came that close to Daschle­ing our taxes all to hell! (A buddy told me that Wes­ley Snipes is going to be nom­i­nated to an admin­is­tra­tion posi­tion…)

  23. Gasman said on February 4th, 2009 at 5:44 pm

    One more attempt at sub­ject change.

    This might be the one head­line from CNN​.com that I get printed on a T-shirt:

    “Healthy kid­ney removed through donor’s vagina”

    http://​www​.cnn​.com/​2​0​0​9​/​H​E​A​L​T​H​/​0​2​/​0​3​/​k​i​d​n​e​y​.​v​a​g​i​n​a​.​s​u​r​g​e​r​y​/​i​n​d​e​x.html

    Ewww!

  24. nancy said on February 4th, 2009 at 6:03 pm

    That wasn’t all that amaz­ing to me. My BFF just got her uterus removed the same way; it’s just a few extra inches of reach.

    Liked the Slate head­line, how­ever:

    Vagi­nal Innard Course

  25. brian stouder said on February 4th, 2009 at 6:32 pm

    A post script on the traf­fic sign link Nance posted the other day:

    http://​www​.msnbc​.msn​.com/​i​d​/​2​9​0​17293/

    …in Indiana’s Hamil­ton County, the elec­tronic mes­sage on a board in Carmel’s con­struc­tion zone warned dri­vers of “RAPTORS AHEAD — CAUTION.”And signs in Austin, Texas, recently flashed: “NAZI ZOMBIES! RUN!!!” and “ZOMBIES IN AREA! RUN.” Offi­cials in Illi­nois are con­cerned the rewrit­ten signs dis­tract motorists from heed­ing legit­i­mate haz­ards down the road. The hacked sign on Tues­day orig­i­nally warned dri­vers of crews replac­ing guardrails.

    And the punch line is:

    In Illi­nois, tam­per­ing with an offi­cial traf­fic con­trol device is a mis­de­meanor pun­ish­able by up to a $250 fine — half what a cul­prit might have to pay in Texas if caught. If con­victed in Indi­ana, a cul­prit faces up to a year in jail and $5,000 in fines.

    If’n you get froggy in Indi­ana, be warned: Homey don’t play dat shit!

  26. JGW said on February 4th, 2009 at 6:34 pm

    Aeroflot, wow where to begin. I’m an air­lin­ers nut and divide my time between here and A.net (air​lin​ers​.net). I love the old Russ­ian metal, like IL-62, Tu-154, etc. Wish I could fly on one some­time. Their famed for the use of over­head recov­ery, basi­cally a mil­i­tary approach to approach and land­ing. You basi­cally fly toward the air­port pretty much at an alti­tude above 10,000 feet. Then you spi­ral down in a very tight pat­tern, not like a stan­dard pat­tern here. They dive in to land because that’s how the Russ­ian air force taught them, helps to avoid SAM’s. I think my favorite Aeroflot story involved an Air­bus, not a Soviet era jet. On a long leg over Siberia the pilot decided it would be OK to let his teenage son fly the plane (it was on autopi­lot). The pilot showed him how to adjust head­ing and speeds, etc. At some point the son acci­den­tally nudged the con­trols and the plane pro­gressed from an almost inperctible turn to a high G death spi­ral. The had to yank the kid out due to the G forces and they couldn’t get con­trol back and ker-splat. They also had a con­trolled ditch­ing in the 1960′s while test­ing a new Tupolev. The gear wouldn’t come down and they flew around until fuel became an issue. Then they decided in prac­ti­cal terms that they should take the fire axe and chop trough the floor, hop­ing they could get to the gear and drop it man­u­ally. They hacked the crap out of the cabin floor, no luck on the gear, so they landed in a river. A Soviet Sully.

    That story and more Russ­ian fun is on tap at:

    http://​eng​lishrus​sia​.com/​?​p=2201

    On another topic – Am I the only one spooked by Cheney’s crap about a nuclear ter­ror­ist attack. If that hap­pens it will likely be from the bomb hid­den under Cheney’s tool shed. What both­ers me is that long before 9-11 the gov­ern­ment played up Bin Laden as evil incar­nate and to me it was smelling like a telegraphed punch.

    Heck he’s still foot­loose and fancy free, quak­ing in his san­dals, but not in a cave. I’ve heard well sourced rumors he is on ice and has been since 2004. He’s more use­ful as a gob­lin than a mar­tyr.

    I still say those moron Saudis and Bin Laden couldn’t crash a car into a falafel stand yet alone pull this one off with­out some­one see­ing it com­ing. Tom Clancy spelled out the basics ten years before 9-11 in Debt of Honor. I lost two friends on 9-11 and my fam­ily spent 8 hours think­ing my cousin’s wife was dead. Her last call was “I’m still on the 17th floor and it’s start­ing to come down.” She was OK but my aunt had a lot to deal with that after­noon.

    So if a city gets nuked I say look at the Occam’s Razor answer. And those bas­tards will go for NYC….. Elim­i­nate the lib­er­als in a quick stroke and hit the reset but­ton.

    OK, I’m start­ing to sound like Cal­iban but I found Cheney’s remarks to be scary, it was just like the OBL scare every­one warmup in the late Clin­ton years and the early Bush days.

  27. jeff borden said on February 4th, 2009 at 6:37 pm

    After los­ing three clients in the past six weeks and with lit­tle or no prospect of replac­ing them in the fore­see­able future, I am pon­der­ing a career change.

    Hence­forth, I will be called Tom the Plumber.

    Like my role model, Joe the Plumber, I am actu­ally not a licensed plumber. And like my role model, Joe the Plumber, my first name is not really Joe. Unlike my role model, Joe the Plumber, I do not have any tax liens against me, but if this year con­tin­ues, per­haps I can accom­plish that feat, too. I also intend to bang my head against the wall for as long as it takes to lower my IQ sub­stan­tially to the level of my role model, Joe the Plumber.

    Thus, I should be well-positioned to be a pun­dit, a cam­paigner, a war cor­re­spon­dent, an eco­nomic adviser to the Repub­li­can Party and a cos­mic star to which con­ser­v­a­tives will be drawn like moths to flame.

    I men­tion this because I see that my role model, Joe the Plumber, is call­ing the stim­u­lus pack­age “wel­fare” and say­ing that the only thing Repub­li­cans need to do in the face of the worst eco­nomic down­turn since the Depres­sion is “cut bills and kick ass.” And he is draw­ing cheers and huz­zahs from the GOP.

    If this portly bald loser from North­west Ohio can do it, I believe a skinny bald guy from Chicago can, too.

    Thank you for your time and con­sid­er­a­tion.

    Tom the Plumber

  28. Deborah said on February 4th, 2009 at 6:44 pm

    “but we came that close to Daschle­ing our taxes all to hell!” A new term is born – Daschle­ing your taxes. Sounds like a keeper. It’s got stick­ing power.

  29. MichaelG said on February 4th, 2009 at 6:55 pm

    I’m already tired of the Obama admin kiss­ing Repub­li­can ass. Read Josh Mar­shall or don’t if you don’t want to get depressed. More. And the sit­u­a­tion her in Calif is rapidly approach­ing the cliff and the geniusesses (what is that plural any­way?) under the dome are just whistling. They lack the tal­ent to fid­dle. I think I’ll turn to drugs. Maybe I can bum a hit from Phelps.

  30. paddyo' said on February 4th, 2009 at 7:15 pm

    “Rap­tors ahead” . . . ahh, I’ve passed “EAGLES ON HIGHWAY” on I-70 in east­ern Utah many times dri­ving home to Nevada to visit fam­ily and friends, and often won­dered how come that rock band never wan­dered out there to do the oblig­a­tory album cover photo shoot along­side those diamond-shaped yel­low warn­ings . . .

    As for reach­ing “that age” when folks start dying all around you — or, at any rate, when you start notic­ing it more — yes, a friend and fel­low recov­er­ing news­pa­per reporter took ill over the week­end after Thanks­giv­ing while vis­it­ing fam­ily, got home to Philadel­phia and appar­ently died right there, alone, in his house. A big attack on an over­sized (lit­er­ally) heart.
    For­tu­nately, Larry and his sis­ter exchanged a daily e-mail and she was able to get friends/ex-colleagues from the Inky to go by to check on him before too long. (A very good rea­son for those of us who are sin­gle to do the same, no?) He was a year or two older than I, but not yet 60.
    For some rea­son, that one really reg­is­tered. I expect that sen­sa­tion will only become more com­mon . . .

  31. Jeff Borden said on February 4th, 2009 at 7:18 pm

    Michael,

    I also have been dis­ap­pointed with the O-man, but then I have to remind myself it has been exactly two weeks since he took office. I also have to remind myself that many times dur­ing the cam­paign I thought he was off in the wrong direc­tion and each time he sur­prised me.

    My guess is he has adopted this strat­egy for a rea­son. . .prob­a­bly to paint him­self as an accom­mo­dat­ing leader who is try­ing to live up to his rhetoric about mov­ing beyond par­ti­san labels. . .but also to iso­late the Repub­li­cans as petu­lant, obstruc­tion­ist par­ti­sans who would rather see mil­lions of Amer­i­cans suf­fer and our econ­omy col­lapse rather than coop­er­ate.

    It is truly hard for me to under­stand how the GOP has reached this state of mori­bund intel­lect, where the only thing the party knows how to do is demo­nize its rivals. Just as it is hard for me to fathom how W. and Cheney emerged as great pro­tec­tors when the worst ter­ror­ist act in our nation not only occurred on their watch, but was pre­ceded by action­able intel­li­gence months before 9/11.

    A dead rat­tlesnake can still inflict a bite. An almost dead polit­i­cal party appar­ently can do the same thing. And both deal in poi­son.

  32. alex said on February 4th, 2009 at 7:32 pm

    What Jeff B said. The new head of the Repub­li­can Party (the fat white one, that is) has a lower approval rat­ing than Jere­miah Wright or Bill Ayres, accord­ing to this:

    http://​www​.thedai​ly​beast​.com/​b​l​o​g​s​-​a​n​d​-​s​t​o​r​i​e​s​/​2​0​0​9​-​0​2​-​0​4​/​a​m​e​r​i​c​a​-​t​o​-​r​u​s​h​-​d​r​o​p-dead

    Whodda thunkit?

  33. joodyb said on February 4th, 2009 at 7:45 pm

    pad­dyo’: your story is espe­cially instruc­tive fol­low­ing the demise of that poor fel­low in the book depos­i­tory. such a basic thing, to be aware of those in our daily midst. those gladys krav­itzes among us have their pur­pose in the world.

  34. MichaelG said on February 4th, 2009 at 7:46 pm

    I hope you’re right, Jeff. It just looks like a famil­iar old pat­tern to me.

  35. brian stouder said on February 4th, 2009 at 8:07 pm

    Alex, that was a GREAT arti­cle about Uncle Rush! I espe­cially liked this:

    Lim­baugh was the least pop­u­lar of the all the polit­i­cal fig­ures the firm polled. He polls seven points lower than Rev. Jere­miah “God Damn Amer­ica” Wright and eight points below for­mer Weather Under­ground domes­tic ter­ror­ist William Ayers.

    haha­ha­ha­ha­haha!!

  36. LA Mary said on February 4th, 2009 at 8:20 pm

    Stephen Col­bert really went after Rush last night. I was more aggres­sive than he usu­ally gets.

  37. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on February 4th, 2009 at 8:40 pm

    Purely per­sonal kvetch, borne of great weari­ness — i feel, in real-world space, let alone blo­gos­pher­i­cally, caught between fel­low wor­shipers who think cre­ation­ism is not only fine, but nor­ma­tive, and fel­low pro­fes­sion­als who think belief in any kind of spir­i­tual real­ity is the source of every sor­row in the world.

    Like­wise, i feel polit­i­cally caught between those who think a Human Life Amend­ment would result in cup­cakes and pup­pies for every­one, except abor­tion­ists who should crackle in McD style deep fry­ers for longer than it takes me to read a 1040 man­ual, and folks who really do believe Cheney wants to eat pup­pies like cup­cakes, using the Con­sti­tu­tion for parch­ment muf­fin lin­ers because he really just wants to make a for­tune for his Satanic bud­dies, while BusHitler tor­tures Gitmo cap­tives with excess carbs.

    I just want a month in New Zealand, prefer­ably by Hawkes Bay, morn­ings pick­ing kiwi fruit, and after­noons at the beach with a stack of Dick­ens and O’Brian and Davies and Irv­ing nov­els. (John or Wash­ing­ton.) Sun­days i’ll just preach to the koalas among the euca­lyp­tus trees.

  38. MichaelG said on February 4th, 2009 at 8:53 pm

    Teens who `sext’ racy pho­tos charged with porn

    Feb 4, 3:38 PM (ET)

    By MARTHA IRVINE
    CHICAGO (AP) – Though youth is fleet­ing, images sent on a cell phone or posted online may not be, espe­cially if they’re naughty.
    Teenagers’ habit of dis­trib­ut­ing nude self-portraits elec­tron­i­cally – often called “sex­ting” if it’s done by cell phone – has par­ents and school admin­is­tra­tors wor­ried. Some pros­e­cu­tors have begun charg­ing teens who send and receive such images with child pornog­ra­phy and other seri­ous felonies. But is that the best way to han­dle it?
    “Hope­fully we’ll get the mes­sage out to these kids,” says Michael McAlexan­der, a pros­e­cu­tor in Allen County, Ind., which includes Fort Wayne. A teenage boy there is fac­ing felony obscen­ity charges for allegedly send­ing a photo of his pri­vate parts to sev­eral female class­mates. Another boy was recently charged with child pornog­ra­phy in a sim­i­lar case.
    In some cases, the pho­tos are sent to harass other teens or to get atten­tion. Other times, they’re viewed as a high-tech way to flirt. Either way, law enforce­ment offi­cials want it to stop, even if it means threat­en­ing to add “sex offender” to a juvenile’s con­fi­den­tial record.
    “We don’t want to throw these kids in jail,” McAlexan­der says. “But we want them to think

    http://apnews.myway.com//article/20090204/D964VRQG0.html

    This is incred­i­ble. Does that numb nuts pros­e­cu­tor have any idea what charg­ing kids with child porn can do to them? For­ever. What is he think­ing? Whence this peren­nial impulse to crim­i­nal­ize kids? Allen County, IN must be the most peace­ful, crime free place on earth if this is all the DA’s office has time to do. It must be won­der­ful. No mur­der, no rape, no rob­bery. No white col­lar crime. Gosh. What a utopia. Noth­ing but those awful hor­mone rid­den kids.

  39. beb said on February 4th, 2009 at 9:41 pm

    Dog for­bid that a prosceu­tor ever be seen as soft on porn. So, yes, even though it could ruin a kid’s life, they will attempt to pun­ish these kids for send­ing dirty pic­tures of them­selves. This Chicago story isn’t first. It’s dumb for kids to do that But that’s kids for ya.

  40. brian stouder said on February 4th, 2009 at 9:50 pm

    I think it’s a hel­luva prob­lem, really.

    Think about it. Once these under-aged nude pho­tos are cre­ated and sent, they are in the ether for­ever. If the pol­icy is that kids won’t be pros­e­cuted, then the (adult) sharks will exploit that loop­hole. (how much imag­i­na­tion does it take to con­jure up some scum­bag load­ing his kid­die porn files onto a phone that is nom­i­nally his kid’s? etc)

  41. JGW said on February 4th, 2009 at 11:08 pm

    Note to Tom the Plumber –
    Yes­ter­day I ran­domly descended to the place obscure com­puter parts go to die. My wife calls it the base­ment. I was look­ing for a DVi-VGA adapter. It’t not relevent to the story.
    I went down there to find a pin­hole leak from my water heater. Debated fix­ing it myself to avoid Apos­tolic land­lord grief. Due to a very tight clear­ance between the hot and cold lines instead of cut­ting out the T, I called the land­lord. Took him less than an hour or work minus three trips to Lowes.

    Since the elec­tric water heater got wet I left the breaker off for 24 hours. This morn­ing I went to turn it on and my gut said, at least go look. Well how about 6 inches of water at about 37 degrees and a pow­er­ful jet spray­ing from the main.

    Seems the land­lord tigh­t­end a drain relief on the main valve, and he cracked it. It burst some­time after he left and I enjoyed my bath­room after 10 hours of “If it’s yel­low, let it mel­low.”

    Today the land­lord enjoyed 7 hours in the chilly base­ment. I had lunch in Fort Wayne and waited until my 17 year old called with an all clear mes­sage….

    If it was only warmer and fil­tered I was close to the indoor pool I desire.

  42. MichaelG said on February 4th, 2009 at 11:15 pm

    I’m not quite sure what you, Beb and Brian, mean here. Are you in favor of pros­e­cut­ing these young­sters for what are extremely seri­ous crimes, in the inter­ests of some­how maybe pos­si­bly hope­fully pre­vent­ing the fur­ther dis­sem­i­na­tion of pic­tures that are already out there? Please clar­ify. I see some irony with Beb but none with Brian.

  43. MichaelG said on February 4th, 2009 at 11:22 pm

    Lord, JGW, I know. I’ve also replaced water heaters a day after they should have been replaced. I was lucky that the last one was in the garage so clean up was minor. We brought the new water heater back from Home Depot in a Geo Metro. Yep, one of those lit­tle shit boxes. I dropped the rear seat, ran the front pas­sen­ger seat all the way for­ward and reclined the back all the way. Then I cut a piece of ply­wood to fit. The new water heater lay on the ply­wood and the hatch even closed in the back. We had to take two cars. Pretty lucky. They had plum trees on sale that day and I stuffed one down the sun­roof on the Ford.

  44. JGW said on February 4th, 2009 at 11:51 pm

    Have to shame myslef. In a pre­vi­ous post I basi­cally used the word basi­cally as if I was basi­cally Car­o­line Kennedy (would not hit it) say­ing “You Know.” Well you know.

    EDIT – In a pre­vi­ous life I asso­ci­ated with a NJ lawyer and asst. pros­e­cu­tor who had Cape Cod roots and he and his brother divided their prac­tices between NYC, NJ, Cape Cod, and Palm Beach. Tough life. The brother of my asso­ciate was involved in the nephew raper case. What stuck with him is for all of their Kennedy money and power, the famed man­sion there has no cen­tral air, and they have win­dow units, and some rooms just have fans in the win­dow. Sounds like my house. With less booze and guilt.

  45. Dexter said on February 5th, 2009 at 12:00 am

    Yahoo has a video up…a snake’s remains have been found in Colom­bia, related to the boa constrictor…snakus gigan­ti­cus or some­thing like that…goddam thing was 45 feet long and snacked on crocs and could have eaten a COW.
    Sweet dreams :) ;)

  46. moe99 said on February 5th, 2009 at 1:02 am

    Ok, here’s my Russ­ian vodka story.

    In 1995 the head of the Antitrust sec­tion of the Wash­ing­ton Attor­ney General’s office spent a year in Belarus, teach­ing lawyers and other gov­ern­ment offi­cials about the laws of com­pe­ti­tion in the US and Europe. When his year was over, he got the gov­er­nor to pay for a del­e­ga­tion of Belaruss­ian offi­cials to come over to the US for a sev­eral week visit (with their KGB han­dlers too). When they arrived at the SeaTac air­port, they set off all the dogs in secu­rity, because along with the copi­ous amounts of vodka in their suit­cases, they had packed large quan­ti­ties of pig fat which they believed, if they ate before drink­ing their vodka, enabled them to drink that much more vodka.

    Well two other cou­ples and my ex and I hosted the group for din­ner one night and they brought vodka, lots of vodka with them. They opened the refrig­er­a­tor and the stove to make sure that they were real (they’d been told that American’s houses were stuffed with fake appli­ances). Then they got down to eat­ing our grilled salmon and drink­ing their vodka neat, which they did with furi­ous and sin­gle­minded aban­don, toast­ing all of us numer­ous times, and singing loud, long Russ­ian songs. We’d been warned about drink­ing, so all but the ex hus­band took very tiny sips to nurse our one shot glass for most of the evening.

    The ex (the cur­rent Trea­surer for the state of Washin­gon) was two sheets to the wind as a result of his attempts to keep up with the Rus­sians, and very vocally and exten­sively sick there­after (I have black­mail pic­tures some­where).

    But they left 3/4 of a bot­tle of vodka with us as a part­ing gift for the evening, and I put it in my freezer and it lasted for almost two years. It was extremely good. I still have the bot­tle and the top name on it in cyril­lic is ‘rapevka’ only the e is back­wards and the v is upside down. and there are two dates to either side of that: 1893 on the left and 1993 on the right. The num­ber 100 is promi­nently dis­played in sil­ver under the other name on the vodka bot­tle which looks like ‘kpbi­w­tavb’ again with the v upside down.

    PS. The other good story to come out of their visit (at least the one that is print­able gen­er­ally) was when they went to Costco and were being shown around. The first ques­tion from a group mem­ber to the Costco rep­re­sen­ta­tive was, “But what do you do when you run out of all this stuff?”

  47. nancy said on February 5th, 2009 at 1:20 am

    That first name is, translit­er­ated, “garelka,” and what I can find via Google says it’s Beloruss­ian vodka — don’t know if it’s a brand name or just their own dialec­tal word for the stuff.

    The sec­ond word is “krish­tal,” which sounds like “crys­tal” and is likely some des­ig­na­tion of its qual­ity. 100 sounds like the proof, or, given the dates, maybe a des­ig­na­tion of its cen­tury mark.

    Vodka itself is a diminu­tive of “voda,” the word for water. Putting the “ka” end­ing on it implies mis­chief — Rus­sians have more ways to make diminu­tives and endear­ments than any other lan­guage. So Mikhail Barysh­nikov is Misha to his friends, Mishenka to his lover, and Mishka when he’s mis­be­hav­ing.

    You see why so much great poetry was writ­ten in Russ­ian. All those harsh Ks and glot­tal sounds, but rhyme after rhyme in its end­ings.

  48. Catherine said on February 5th, 2009 at 1:35 am

    So when my cousin calls me Katrinka, is that a nice thing?

  49. Dexter said on February 5th, 2009 at 2:48 am

    Good story, moe99. I used to be friends with an old man who was a WWI vet­eran. He had a keen inter­est in the world, and he sub­scribed Soviet Life Mag­a­zine for me for sev­eral years. I learned a lot from that mag­a­zine, but the claim they made that Rus­sians always drank water glass sized tum­blers of vodka for break­fast, to wash down their pick­led cucum­bers , turned out to be not uni­ver­sally true. Most Rus­sians drink a glass of yogurt for break­fast, and have a hunk of sour rye bread and maybe have tea.
    If you want a primer on Rus­sia, this is as good as I have found:
    http://​www​.answers​.com/​t​o​p​i​c​/​russia

  50. whitebeard said on February 5th, 2009 at 2:53 am

    The cold­est cap­i­tal is not Moscow, to get really cold the Rus­sians must travel to Ottawa and expe­ri­ence the Cana­dian air masses first hand. I expected warmer weather when I moved to Con­necti­cut years ago but we have had the cold­est Jan­u­ary in 15 years and the tem­per­a­ture now is zero and the bath­room pipes have frozen again (about the 10th time this dreaded win­ter of win­ters).
    I am run­ning the elec­tric fan/heater in the bath­room to thaw the pipes and think­ing of the 45 degrees fore­cast for Chicago next week when I am there for the auto show press pre­views.
    I am not too wor­ried about leav­ing the house for Chicago because we have our handy­man liv­ing with us in the depths of win­ter while his house nears fore­clo­sure and the Grand Old Pub­lic util­ity has cut off his elec­tric­ity.
    Isn’t this depres­sion great, just what we needed to cleanse the econ­omy, the mar­kets, the hedge funds and the obscene bonuses from our sys­tem.
    Katrinka has a nice ring to it, with a hint of mis­chief in the air.

  51. Dexter said on February 5th, 2009 at 3:15 am

    white­bear­duka, I feel ya on those effin’ pipes…my upstairs faucet is run­ning a solid stream and I am about to check it again.
    It’s cold here, too…must be zero again, but no wind until day­light, I think the man said. Sat­ur­day can­not get here quickly enough…I have to bust-up that ice dam on top of my eavespout­ing.
    I have been one of the crazy-old-guys-on-a-bicycle-in-the-winter for over thirty years in this town, but not this win­ter.
    Since this stel­lar sea­son vis­ited its damna­tion upon us, I have cycled exactly 1/4 mile. Ice every­where, snow piled high, it seems it’s always about 8 degrees…
    well sir, Gas­man doesn’t like me stay­ing up this late, he gave me hell last night, told me to GO TO BED !
    I am scared he will chas­tise me again…off to Face­book and Twit­ter a while!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Eddie Schwartz has died in a Chicago nurs­ing home. He was a media junkie and long-time radio per­son­al­ity, and he was great on the radio…dead at 62.
    http://​www​.chicagotri​bune​.com/​n​e​w​s​/​c​h​i​-​h​e​d​-​e​d​s​c​h​w​a​r​t​z​-​0​5​-​f​e​b​0​5​,​0​,​3​0​9​7​4​4​6​.story

  52. brian stouder said on February 5th, 2009 at 8:26 am

    Well, hell. I com­pre­hen­sively failed that edit­ing quiz

    http://​top​ics​.blogs​.nytimes​.com/​2​0​0​9​/​0​2​/​0​4​/​q​u​i​z​-​a​n​s​w​ers-2/

    but the unkind­est cut is that they just could not care less about the word “just” in the first prob­lem. I fooled and fooled with that para­graph, and do you know what the sum total of their fix was?

    1. The last sen­tence includes a so-called comma splice: two inde­pen­dent clauses joined only by a comma. A semi­colon or per­haps a dash would work.

    That’s it! There ain’t no more! I now admit to myself that copy edit­ing isn’t in my future (let alone my ‘present’!)

    btw MichaelG – all I meant about the sex­ting thing was that I DO want a vig­or­ous offi­cial (crim­i­nal jus­tice) response or inter­est in these cases, so as to keep it rare. I’m all for flex­i­bil­ity within that response, but in essence this seems to reduce to “sex­ting” = “child sex­ploita­tion”

  53. Kirk said on February 5th, 2009 at 8:50 am

    Brian, kudos to you for hav­ing the courage to put your edit­ing quiz answer out there for all to see. Believe it or not, I would have changed that comma to a semi­colon and left the “just,” too, but I have been paid for a long time to fig­ure out such things “Just” is overused, but it serves a pur­pose there, I think.

    I didn’t get seri­ous about answer­ing the oth­ers, but I did give them a look, and they’re def­i­nitely tough ones.

  54. LA Mary said on February 5th, 2009 at 10:54 am

    MichaelG,
    I have done the same errand in a 1980 Dodge Colt. Water heater in the Colt and an olive tree in the other car, which was a 1974 Kar­mann Ghia. There must be some­thing in the water here in CA.
    Speak­ing of which, where’s Danny been lately?

  55. brian stouder said on February 5th, 2009 at 11:25 am

    Alex would say (and he begins to sway me!) Danny has been leav­ing his mark here under a nom de plume

  56. Ricardo said on February 7th, 2009 at 4:08 pm

    I say to the crit­ics of Michael Phelps: Next time you go to the Olympics instead of Michael Phelps. You bet­ter come home with mul­ti­ple gold medals, oth­er­wise keep quiet.

    As for pot, it comes out of the ground and you smoke it or ingest. What could be more nat­ural than that? How many ingre­di­ents and how much pro­cess­ing does it take to make scotch?

  57. Gasman said on February 7th, 2009 at 8:42 pm

    Ricardo,
    It takes three ingre­di­ents to make Scotch: water, malted bar­ley, and yeast. The ingre­di­ents are strictly reg­u­lated and you can be sure that any Scotch you buy is going to be free of unknown impu­ri­ties.

    Unless you grow your own dope you have no idea what the hell you are smok­ing. You assume that the grow­ers aren’t adding nasty-ass chem­i­cals like fer­til­iz­ers and such. That is fool­ish. The crop, after all, is ille­gal. It’s not like pro­duc­ers have much to fear from the FDA.

    Scotch is health food com­pared to dope.