Tuesday mornin’ coming down.

I was taking out the trash early this morning when my neighbor, who works for Autoweek and frequently brings home a test model for a day or three, left his driveway in a red Chevy Volt. The only sound it made was the whisper of the tires on the pavement (and the slight scrape of the front fairing, just a smidge too low to go out a driveway headfirst without touching). Price of gas today: $3.89.

I wonder where he plugged it in overnight. (I’ll take “the garage” for $200, Alex.)

Mercy, it was a rough night. Didn’t sleep much at all, and I don’t know why, as I am most definitely not one of the “sleepless elite,” the tiny slice of the population that legitimately needs little shuteye to make it through a day. So seeing as how my brain is failing, l think we need to make this a popcorn-y, snack food-y sort of entry today, and you can take it from there:

I am falling behind on my royal-watching. Monaco is getting a new princess? And she’s a South African blonde giantess with shoulders that make Michelle Obama look like Wally Cox? A former Olympic backstroker? And she’s marrying this bald 52-year-old dweeb who already has two out-of-wedlock children? For the sake of the world’s gossip consumers, I hope they have one of those very modern marriages, where it turns out she’s a lesbian, or, even more shocking, a great lady who can bring a bit of class to that palace full of commoners. How many kids has Stephanie produced by how many bodyguards? Caroline is on her third marriage, her second to the kind of guy who cheats in view of paparazzi? A giantess can only improve the line, although lord knows they’ve had enough new-blood infusions to last a while.

My inbox has filled in recent days with ham-handed phishing attempts. Please send your account number and log-in to this address as soon as possible, your account has been breached! Help I am stranded in a hotel in London, and I am sending this poorly spelled email to everyone in my inbox in hopes they will wire me sums of cash! I assume this is why.

Speaking of blood-will-tell, getta loada the Judds these days. As Tom & Lorenzo say, “Sweet Jesus on a breadstick. We’re speechless.” Plus a lot more.

Time to make some eggs and plan for the tatters of a day.

Posted at 8:53 am in Current events, Popculch |

46 responses to “Tuesday mornin’ coming down.”

  1. coozledad said on April 5, 2011 at 9:22 am

    Those girls will take their potato salad any old way. Hope nobody else wanted any.

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  2. Connie said on April 5, 2011 at 9:32 am

    I got that Epsilon breach email from Citibank. Who I do not believe actually has my email address. No personal financial data was included in the breach. According to them.

    And one last time, Go Butler. It was an ugly game, but hey, they’re my team. I have two degrees from two Big Ten schools, but it will always be Butler for me, win or lose.

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  3. Connie said on April 5, 2011 at 9:33 am

    My brother in law works at the GM Proving Grounds and gets a car for a weekend once a month. Says the next one will be a Volt, perhaps we’ll get him to cruise over for a visit.

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  4. Mark P. said on April 5, 2011 at 9:54 am

    I see two possibilities to explain the marriage. One is that the prince is really a prince of a guy, despite appearances. The other is that he’s a rich guy, and being the princess has great prestige. Is there a third possibility?

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  5. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on April 5, 2011 at 10:07 am

    You’re having taters with your eggs?

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  6. Suzanne said on April 5, 2011 at 10:17 am

    At least I am familiar with the Judds, who are making me feel thin and pretty right now. No clue about most of the other people; no clue whatsoever. Never heard of ’em.

    The sleepless elites story proves to me what I’ve thought for years–the hyperactives are taking over the world and making life h**l for the rest of us, who prefer a little slower pace.

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  7. Mark P. said on April 5, 2011 at 10:21 am

    Suzanne, don’t worry about “sleepless elites.” Most of them just think they can get by on little sleep. They are the ones who often stare off into space when you talk to them because they are experiencing microsleeps. A large fraction of them will die in auto accidents. The rest of them, the true short-sleepers, are mentally unbalanced. They are going to end up building extremely elaborate cityscapes with the Brooklyn Bridge out of toothpicks.

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  8. ROgirl said on April 5, 2011 at 10:38 am

    RE: Wynona and Naomi. An ex-boyfriend used to call them Wyoming and Winnebago. And these days they are.

    As Pete Campbell said, “Christ on a cracker.”

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  9. nancy said on April 5, 2011 at 10:41 am

    I sautéed some mushrooms and garlic, added a double handful of spinach, and then, when it wilted, scrambled in two eggs with a li’l cheese. Plus a fruit salad. It’s more than I usually eat at breakfast, but I won’t be able to eat again until after 3, so it’s gotta last.

    I don’t like to fat-hate on the Judds, and I’m not. There’s something very old-Hollywood about both of them in their fun outfits. They remind me of something Joan Rivers said, about how the red carpet used to be a whole lot more fun before there was such a job as “stylist.” These ladies obviously pick out their own clothes, which makes them more interesting than the parade of tastefully dressed and coiffed starlets in one Marchesa gown after another.

    Wynonna is totally Sturgis, though.

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  10. coozledad said on April 5, 2011 at 10:56 am

    She could be more Sturgis, with denim drawers and a tramp stamp. But that’s venturing into Grand Guignol territory and it doesn’t pay to think about it.
    Actually, something about her outfit makes me think “Half Willie Nelson”.

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  11. Deborah said on April 5, 2011 at 11:10 am

    Regarding the fiance: I’d give anything to have those shoulders.

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  12. 4dbirds said on April 5, 2011 at 11:20 am

    When I was in the army, there were always studies on sleep trying to find ways to get soldiers to stay awake and alert longer. I think they were and probably still are looking for the magic pill that will eliminate the need for sleep. I told my husband I thought that was the worst thing that could happen to humans and he asked me why since hopefully one wouldn’t feel tired with ‘the pill’. I told him I feared that life as we know it would change. With a pill to eliminate sleep, people would start taking second jobs, then that would spur the expectation that others needed to take second jobs and pretty soon the economy would be as such that you’d have to have a second job to get by. We would become slaves. Well moreso than now.

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  13. Jeff Borden said on April 5, 2011 at 11:24 am

    I am a big fan of Miranda Lambert since hearing her song “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.” I don’t follow country artists much, but understand she won some kind of “American Idol” style country music competition and that she’s been writing and singing songs since her early teens.

    While I still dislike most of the factory-produced tunes from the Nashville studios, I have been seeking out more country music on satellite radio and have come to the realization that no one writes great, funny, crazy lyrics like country songwriters. There are a lot of great young writers out there and some grizzled veterans who never went the Big & Rich route and still churn out extremely listenable songs.

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  14. prospero said on April 5, 2011 at 11:27 am

    Um do you have that Prince Albert in cans?

    Mark P., or huge mud mesas in the living room. Heard Keith Emerson play the mothership music, stoned to the gills, in the old Boston Garden. Awe-inspiring experience. Speaking of the garden, back in the 70s and 80s, if you sat in the cheap seats for a Celts or Bs game, you left stoned. There was a more or less permanent haze of pot smoke in the nosebleeds.

    Here ya go, Nancy. Or, even better. Or, that sublime feeling of waking from a particularly entertaining dream.I experience insomnia, fairly frequently (Would that get me a medical marijuana card in Michigan?) , and it sucks bigtime. It’s actually physically frustrating. I don’t believe in the sleep elite. Eschewing REM-stage sleep and curtailing dreaming can’t be healthy. It definitely takes a lot of fun out of life, and makes people dumber.

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  15. prospero said on April 5, 2011 at 11:53 am


    What purports to be country these days? Jewell? She’s glamorous and a serious yodeler. So maybe. There’s only one Judd worth considering and that’s Ashley, a very good actor. Keith Urban is a shredder and plays rock ‘n’ roll. Excellent guitar player.

    Waymore saw the writing on the wall.

    Y’all complain about the weather, but none of you do anything about it. We have an idyllic 78 degree day here, but 25 mph winds. NG for bike riding amongst ignorant tourists and arrogant Islanders in Urban Assault Vehicles.. Good for opening all the windows and playing Lou Reed live. Sweet Jane on Rock n Roll Animal.

    Now shouldn’t there be a style manual for internet posting? I think novels bold, albums bold, songs ital. Anybody that types loose for lose, a fucking pariah. Seriously, how stupid is that. And anybody that types Me thinks. Will Speare rolls over in his grave. And look you aholes “spot on” is some moronic twit Brit slang. Why has this sort of nonsense proliferated on the tubes? Pardon my billiousness, but I didn’t get proper sleep last night. But seriously “loose” for “lose”? Raised by wolves?

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  16. LAMary said on April 5, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    Ms. Wittstock is quite the amazon. That grey one-shouldered dress looks wonderful on her, but as one of the commenters said, it looks like she’s carrying a beer can.

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  17. beb said on April 5, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    OK, that picture of Wittstock in the grey dress: bra or no bra? I say no bra.

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  18. moe99 said on April 5, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    Prospero, you ever tried melatonin for sleep problems? I love it because it ramps up the dreaming for me.

    ps, have we discussed the safety bonuses that Transocean execs got for their excellent work last year?


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  19. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on April 5, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    Moe — http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SG4WOUB3wB4

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  20. Connie said on April 5, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    Correction to earlier post. I received a letter from Citibank, not an email. They really don’t have my email address.

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  21. prospero said on April 5, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    Well and Jabba the Judds. I’m afraid they ate Ashley, who is an excellent actor, and fairly beautiful. She looks like my beloved companion. Her Kentucky hoops obsession is naive. They cheat almost as much as Connecticut. Cheating in college hoops is so rampant, it’s hard to keep track of it. A few years ago, UGA hired Jim Harrick who cheated like a bastard. Now we haave a squeeky clean coach and a bunch of good players. Watch for Trey Thommpkins to be the next Kevin Durant, but I know he loves school and campus life, so I hope he’s back for senior year and a diploma. The Connecticutt hoops program is about as far as you coud throw it. And for the real Bulldogs, Travis Leslie is the starter. Apologies to Butler, great season. And I really wanted to see UConn go down. Cheating on the field of play is heinous, like Reggie Jackson

    And when the Judds sit around the house, they sit aroooouuuund the hoooouuuuse.

    And you baseball fans, I supppose Reggie Jackson didn’t cheat his ass off in the ’77 Series. He stuck his fat ass in the way of a relay throw on a double-play, in the outfield. You cheat in the World Series, you are an asshole. And he clearly cheated. Mr’ October was a fraud. He knew he cheated. He would never have had the opportunity to hit those homeruns. A flagrant sports asshole. What a dickhead. If you reach the pinnacle of your sport and then you flat-out cheat, what sort of man are you?

    How Uconn got there. Cheated, just like Calhoun. Having played sports, I really find it reprehensible when people cheat in sports.

    Butler is not the Buldogs, UGA is. But I followed these guys, and they played serious hoops. Well Done. Near-Bulldogs. Gawd I wanted UConn to be humiliated. Calhoun is the scum of coaching
    Country music has ceased to exist. It’s all rock ‘n’ roll. Or you think it’s the Avett Brothers. Are we kidding? Who’s to say?

    VI love the Furler bullsogs ans the raxixLLY Qy best A YOUE HIR DOE AURW, QHrwcwe, , WhTECWER I Ais, You can;t say, I;m bor QONSWE NS BIT CUKKIE ZIE KIE

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  22. prospero said on April 5, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    can they plau football? Butlwr Bulldogs, but they aren’st the real Bu;;dogs. I have gone all in for the hoos version of some bulldogs. Stand up dor the football version. UGA Buldogs graduate a lot of kids. Onxw grDUtion rates are a joke, Moat atudentss take time off, It took me 5 years ro graDUATE. MOST KIDS TAKE LONGER THAN FOUR YEARS. We can’gt consider four years as normal. I can’t say you people have a ridiculous wharsoever, you can bury me in a bunch of horseshit, I couldn’t care less if you read a mighty kiss my ass but you are so full of crap, i don’yt cRW. QHtwcwr I mwN, YOUare LL QGr qw xEW BULLSHIT/
    way to go RW YOU KISSING?
    You arE ahitHEEL, we crw. As ew zzo muxh bu;;ahir. YOU ARE DESPICABLE ASSHOLES,

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  23. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on April 5, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    So, the grey dress lady — is that a Coors Light in her right hand? I salute her, whomever’s queen she is.

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  24. alex said on April 5, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    22. prospero said on April 5th, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    Good heavens, man, even when I drink that early in the day I can still type and proofread.

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  25. Deborah said on April 5, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    It’s a bejeweled evening clutch purse not a Coors can, I googled “Charlene Wittstock evening clutch purse” and found it in google images, it’s on some website called The Royal Forums but I can’t figure out how to link to the photo of it.

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  26. prospero said on April 5, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    No, you can’t. I claim that anybody that says loose when they mean lose is a fucking moron,

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  27. 4dbirds said on April 5, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    Prospero, typing loose and looser for lose and loser is a running internet joke much like ‘internets’.

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  28. prospero said on April 5, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    I was rooting for Butler vs. the Connecticut dceaters. Whatever, I believe the Conn program is rampant with cheating, The girls program is rank with cheating. On the other hand, Maya Moor’s commentary on losing to Notre Dame was classy. There is no way a kid can deal with a loss better than that kid did. Maya Moor is almost as cool as Teresa Edwards. And that is saying a lot.

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  29. prospero said on April 5, 2011 at 3:51 pm

    On the women’s side of hoops. how did it it take so long to acknowledge Teresa? Are people kidding? This is Bob Cousy of women’s hoops/ This is a joke right? Greatest women’s basketball player ever. This is a no=brainer.

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  30. Dexter said on April 5, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    Country Rock, the kind I dig. Check it out.

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  31. MarkH said on April 5, 2011 at 4:19 pm

    Dexter, I liked that performance, too, and I suuure dig Carrie Underwood. But, notice the director didn’t linger on her close-ups much? She was so whipped out lip-syncing, which she apparently hasn’t mastered yet. Tyler either has it nailed, or was actually singing live. IMHO.

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  32. Marjorie of Connecticut said on April 5, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    Nancy, I’ve been lurking for a while, but I had to de-lurk to say that anyone who mentions Wally Cox has my admiration. Thank you.

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  33. Dexter said on April 5, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    I love Ashley Judd. An endearing moment was when, in a hard rain, she ran barefooted toward the winner’s circle at Speedway, Indiana, after her man had just won the 500.
    I have become acquainted with a Nashville author named Patsi Bale Cox. We go to the same blog and we are facebook buddies. She has written bios a-plenty, I think her most famous book was her Garth Brooks book…she lived with the Brooks family a few weeks to get the true feel of the man’s life.
    She interviewed Ashley Judd for a story or a book, whatever…and the interview was conducted in a Kentucky cabin way back in the holler (again, whatever…), Ashley barefoot, no makeup, old jeans and a sweater…ya just can’t more country than that girl. Then we see her at The Kentucky Derby in her fancy doo-dads and her Derby bonnet, and she is the queen of the party.
    I think I already said I love her.

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  34. Suzanne said on April 5, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    MarkH re: lip-syncing. I think they all do it. Most of the modern singers use auto-tune so much that they really are unable to do it live. If they did, they would probably sound awful. I heard a sound guy interviewed on the radio a few months ago. He said Taylor Swift can’t carry a tune in a bucket, but sounds fine after all the filtering.

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  35. MarkH said on April 5, 2011 at 9:01 pm

    I agree on the lip-syncing, Suzanne, much to my dismay. I would have thought everyone would have learned their lesson (or learned how do do it so as not to be caught) after the Ashlee Simpson SNL whip-out. You’re right; not many performers can handle all the gyrating done on stage these days and manage to sing well at the same time. It’s just that Underwood couldn’t even manage to make the lip-syncing look good.

    Also, I have to disagree with that sound guy, who may be just cynical and jaded. I firmly believe you can’t get where Swift is without being able to carry a tune, sing well. By all appearances, she did sing live on SNL and did quite well. The problem with some of these young cuties is they have no strong voice to project with. So, OK, maybe she needs some “filtering”, but maybe she’ll get stronger in the voice department. She’s only 20.

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  36. Little Bird said on April 5, 2011 at 9:06 pm

    My ex-boyfriend’s accounts got hacked a year or so ago. I got an e-mail from him telling me he was stranded in London with no cash, and unable to access his bank accounts. Given that he had just been at my house that morning, and it was barely noon when got the e-mail, and the fact that he would never have gone to London A) without me, and B) without telling me, I knew this was fake. His co-worker also got the same e-mail. He looked across the room and said “Dude, I don’t care if you’re stuck in London with no cash, I’m not giving you any money.”

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  37. prospero said on April 5, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    Everyone acts like hoops is over. How ’bout the ladies. I dislike Notre Dame on principle, but I love the way women play ball, and I can’t see my way to root for anything to do with that little W school A & M. Let ’em try that 12th man against UGA. Carried off. Student athletes. Even if the guys aren’t. I was a tutor for the UGA athletic department and defended several girl hoopsters against pure asshole TAs that despised them because they were jocks. Seriously defective human beings. But, TAs, you know. officious assholes, invariably. Morons that constantly put Me Thinks in their awkward emails to incredibly homely would-be lovers. And get out their red pens for lose instead of loose. Self-righteous morons and Aholes. It was job satisfaction catching these shitheels in grammatical errors, and it built up the kids’ confidence. I’d repeat, these kids were dedicated and serious about school.

    I recall a very good SS from the softball team that got a D from some dumbass TA on a writing assignment. She said, “I’ve never had a D before”, and she was distraught. Total bullshit, a B paper at worst. Some seriously dumbass bitch that thought she was striking a blow for nerdly girls. What a crock. Anyway, I coached the kid to a terrific essay, which also got a bad grade. I took it to a departmental hearing, and exposed the asshole for being a bigot.

    Can nobody shoot? Guys couldn’t, last night, now , same thing. Just seriously bad shooting. Wow. Officiating is going ND. Reach-in vs. A&M was dlearly a clearout by ND player. Pure bullshit.

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  38. Suzanne said on April 5, 2011 at 9:37 pm

    Re: Taylor Swift. The guy I heard interviewed said her strength is her song writing. And you are right, she is young and her voice may get better. He wasn’t really criticizing her, just using her as an example of a well known singer who really couldn’t sing very well.

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  39. Deborah said on April 5, 2011 at 10:19 pm

    Not a Democratic rout in Wisconsin so far but it’s still early. Sue?

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  40. prospero said on April 5, 2011 at 10:47 pm

    Could Madonna actually sing? I really don’t think so. Taylor Swift? who knows? When ajoni was that age she wrote Both Sides Now. Young Taylor written amything that good? Or gotten such a perfect singer as Judy Blue-Eyes to record it? Don’t think so. She really seems like a good kid, and I hope everything goes well for her. Now Jonie, she basically had Valhalla’s voice when she was just a kid. How old was Joanie when she pulled this shit? I’m a pretty good cook, I’m sitting on my groceries? One awesome babe. One awesome woman. Clear pushoff by ND, been doing this shit all game.

    How old was Joanie then? About as old as Taylor Swift. Ever write a song this good, kid? She seems like a good kid, and I hope the best for her, but she ought to talk to Joanie Mitchell, and Norah Jones, who seems to have figured out how to play this sort of thing.

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  41. MichaelG said on April 6, 2011 at 12:05 am

    Lip-syncing etc. Those people aren’t singers, they’re performers. You want a singer, call Ella.

    My favorite Joan is still Baez.

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  42. Deborah said on April 6, 2011 at 12:15 am

    Joni Mitchell is the it girl, no matter how you spell it.

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  43. Deborah said on April 6, 2011 at 12:35 am

    I can’t sleep tonight because I’m on pins and needles about the Wisconsin Supreme Court election. For some reason I believe that it is extremely telling for the future. I have no idea if this is a realistic prediction of the future but it has me in its thrall.

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  44. Dexter said on April 6, 2011 at 12:58 am

    Kirk: Tip a Hudey for me…4 and oh…first time since 1990. 1990? Chris Sabo and Junior and Larkin and Morris. Maybe again? (Reds won World Series that year)

    In the end Notre Dame had no chance. No player can just continually receive a pass and turn and lay it in, unchallenged, all game long. Notre Dame had to converge on Adams (#23) and keep fouling her if that’s all they could do, but no, they backed off every time and let her have her thirty points.
    It’s not like she is tall…she is an under-sized center, actually. It was as if ND was intimidated by Adams’s wide body.
    Aggies were really well coached and determined, and smooth, too, most of the night. Notre Dame had a great , great year in women’s basketball, but in the end, it was the Aggies who had the dagger, the kill-motive, and in turn the trophy.
    As a casual part-time viewer of the women’s basketball programs, I don’t feel bad at all for ND…the Aggies were deserving, in this far-superior game, compared to Monday night and the men’s game.

    He thought I was nuts
    No more ifs and ands or buts
    (Court and Spark, 1974–I bought the vinyl 33 back then)

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  45. Dexter said on April 6, 2011 at 1:08 am

    a lullaby, one more Joni song, a real good one, too


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  46. Sue said on April 6, 2011 at 8:23 am

    Deborah, as of 7 a.m. the WI State Supreme Court race was too close to call, a separation of about 500 votes with a few places not in yet, and those not predictable in the way that Dane County/Madison (Dem) and Waukesha/Washington County (Repub) were. It’s astonishing; this statewide race could ultimately be decided by 1000 votes.
    The Milwaukee County race (for Scott Walker’s old seat) was a rout, 60-40 or something like that in favor of the Dem candidate.

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