Create the problem, sell the cure.

We sure do spend a lot of time worrying about things like this:

Especially when a far more effective odor neutralizer is available as close as your nearest matchbook. But it probably doesn’t smell like rainbows and unicorns, either.

And that’s why I’m glad my cell phone has a camera in it. Because you never know what you’ll find at the hardware store.

I hope it’s not too abrupt — or distasteful — to change the subject to food now. I have to apologize for not including a Saturday Morning Market photo last weekend, because I was certainly there, but conditions in the scrum in front of the poultry sellers weren’t conducive to photography. I got my turkey — a breast, anyway. And I got most of the other elements of the traditional meal. After years of trying to make Thanksgiving mine, I’m giving up and letting it be everyone else’s. Menu: Turkey, dressing, mashed you-know-whats, green beans with roasted onions, Waldorf salad, pie. No more sweet potatoes (I’m the only one who eats them). No more trying to nudge the feast to a later hour; Alan’s sister can never spend the night, so a late lunch is the best I can do. I will not give up the wine, and anyone who tries to make me, I will cut. It makes the afternoon snooze that much easier.

New this year: Brining. Never done that one. I’m using the Pioneer Woman’s recipe. Any advice would be appreciated.

Detroit is a great Thanksgiving town, maybe the best. Natives do the parade (usually as the guest of someone with an office or condo overlooking the route), maybe the Turkey Trot run, followed by the Lions game, followed by dinner. One of these days.

Monday, Monday, how I hate thou thee. Let’s blog it up and get on the road.

From David Frum, the cri de coeur of the moderate Republican:

We don’t usually delude others until after we have first deluded ourselves. Some of the smartest and most sophisticated people I know—canny investors, erudite authors—sincerely and passionately believe that President Barack Obama has gone far beyond conventional American liberalism and is willfully and relentlessly driving the United States down the road to socialism. No counterevidence will dissuade them from this belief: not record-high corporate profits, not almost 500,000 job losses in the public sector, not the lowest tax rates since the Truman administration. It is not easy to fit this belief alongside the equally strongly held belief that the president is a pitiful, bumbling amateur, dazed and overwhelmed by a job too big for him—and yet that is done too.

Come the revolution, I look forward to escorting these people to the gallows personally:

Carriers on international flights are offering private suites for first-class passengers, three-star meals and personal service once found only on corporate jets. They provide massages before takeoff, whisk passengers through special customs lanes and drive them in a private limousine right to the plane. Some have bars. One airline has installed showers onboard.

For those who haven’t heard, Jim Romenesko is back. First post: His side of the Poynter story.

And with that, I’m off. A short week, and after today, it will improve markedly. Hope yours does, too.

Posted at 8:36 am in Current events, Detroit life, Media |
 

81 responses to “Create the problem, sell the cure.”

  1. john G. Wallace said on November 21, 2011 at 8:46 am

    Brining – since you are cooking a breast think about reducing the time in the brine because it will soak in quicker than a whole bird.
    Also I have found a brand new 5-gallon bucket from Home Depot to be an ideal container for the brine and bird.

  2. coozledad said on November 21, 2011 at 9:06 am

    Americans have spent a lot of energy trying to mask the smell of feces, but all their efforts are in vain. Most men’s colognes serve only to enhance the dookie effect. I wonder how many guys are even aware they have that “turd poached in isopropanol” aura. Add the toothpaste smell to that, and you’ve got a cologne you could call American Male.
    I remember the old days of balsam fir bathroom air fresheners which called to mind Christmas trees and afflatus simultaneously.

  3. mark said on November 21, 2011 at 9:11 am

    Brining-

    I always brine. My tips:

    1. I agree with John. reduce the time for a breast only. 12 to 14 hours maybe, if it is large.

    2. Rinse thoroughly with cold water after brining and before cooking

    3. I’ve used different solutions and have never noticed much difference from fruits and spices or just plain salt and water. No downside to the extras, though.

    4. Kosher salt only.

    5. If you have a cooler large enough, using it is much easier than a bag. Throw some ice cubes in and close the lid. You can even set it outside to keep cool. No lost space in the fridge either.

    6. If you are going to baste, or make your own gravy, you will need chicken or turkey broth. A brined turkey doesn’t release much moisture. What is released comes out mainly in the last hour and is mainly fat (less of that if you have only the breast).

    7. Let the breast sit, covered, at room temperature for a couple of hours before popping it in the oven.

    8. However you choose to season before cooking, don’t add more salt. I smear mine with a mixture of soft, unsalted butter and favorite herbs. Over and under the skin.

    Good luck.

  4. coozledad said on November 21, 2011 at 9:16 am

    I find the juxtaposition of turd masking and turkey brining rife with opportunities for confusion.

  5. Julie Robinson said on November 21, 2011 at 9:22 am

    We are getting off easy this year and just bringing dressing, but I bought a turkey anyway and will probably fix it soon, just so we can make all those yummy turkey-leftover meals.

    When we host and people ask what they can bring, I ask them if there’s a dish they particularly want to have and if they’d like to bring that. That way they aren’t disappointed when they don’t see the traditional food of their childhood on the table. So, Nance would need to bring Waldorf salad and I would bring banana bread.

    A question for those of you who brine–how much salt stays in the meat? I’ve been buying the natural turkeys to avoid sodium for those with blood pressure issues. It seems like brining wouldn’t be good for those folks.

  6. caliban said on November 21, 2011 at 9:27 am

    We’ve had excellent results with Alton Brown’s brining instructions. Works well with whole fish, like salmon, too.

  7. Bitter Scribe said on November 21, 2011 at 9:56 am

    Wow, that Frum piece is something else. That guy will just get increasingly marginalized for his trouble.

  8. Connie said on November 21, 2011 at 10:02 am

    Only thing missing from your menu is must-have winter squash, preferably buttercup. We will be off to the madness at the in-laws, where my assignment is to bring a dessert that is not a pie. Lemon cake and chocolate/heath trifle have both gone over well in past years.

  9. Heather said on November 21, 2011 at 10:37 am

    Nancy, who tries to make you give up the wine at Thanksgiving? That’s just cruel.

    We always have mashed rutabaga, which I need to ask my aunt how to make without lumps, and fruit salad with marshmallows. The latter is a fond nod to family tradition–it was always on the table at my grandmother’s house. I’d never make it myself, but I’d miss it if it weren’t there.

    I have to make hors d’oeuvres. I’m a good cook but for some reason I always have trouble coming up with a good idea for this. Can’t be too heavy, can’t be hot, and has to hold up to a little travel.

  10. Deborah said on November 21, 2011 at 10:38 am

    Julie, I would bring the sweet potatoes. I mash them with lots of sour cream and top with pecans. I will miss them though because we’re not doing a turkey this year. Littlebird is still on a diet (she’s doing really well, lost 36 lbs so far!). We didn’t want to have to face all of the leftovers, that’s what kills you, weight wise. So we’re just going to pig out for one day, making butternut squash ravioli from scratch. Not low cal by any means but just for one day so it shouldn’t do too much damage. Of course we’re making some other decadent things that day as well so there will be penance. And to celebrate Littlebird’s success we’re going to have a glass of wine Friday afternoon at the newly renovated Pump Room bar.

  11. Dorothy said on November 21, 2011 at 10:39 am

    We’re using a new recipe for green beans this year – our daughter made a request. Since she has officially lost 50 lbs. since starting Weight Watchers in April I’m happy to accommodate her. Her favorite website, and the source of the green beans recipe,is skinnytaste.com.

    I love the idea of the brining, but 2 cups of brown sugar? I’m afraid that would not be good for the two diabetics at our table. However I did read in the comments that the combination of salt and sugar are important for the molecular osmosis taking place to moisten the turkey. Anyone know if the presence of that much sugar would be okay for a diabetic?

    I know Nancy has a birthday this week. Is it tomorrow? My co-worker Mary is going to be a first-time grandma tomorrow or Wednesday (it’s a boy Vincent!). Her daughter-in-law is being induced in Korea, where the doctors told her it could take up to two days for the baby to arrive. They must use a very slow pitocin drip!

    Edit: Heather – something simple and transportable – stuffed celery? My mom always had some cream cheese stuffed celery and peanut butter stuffed celery. Stacked side by side in two Tupperware containers, it should arrive intact.

  12. Little Bird said on November 21, 2011 at 10:42 am

    I add a few whole cloves to my brine when I do a brined bird. And a couple of bay leaves and a lot of peppercorns. But I’ve only done a whole bird, so you might want to reduce the amounts if you add those things.
    This year it’s going to be butternut squash ravioli, and a kale and brussels sprout salad. With a cranberry apple crisp for dessert. (and a pumpkin cheesecake as well). We wanted to do something different since it’s just three of us.
    I didn’t see Deborahs comment when I started typing… the number of desserts doesn’t really match the diet thing does it? Oh, well. It’s only one day.

  13. Dexter said on November 21, 2011 at 10:49 am

    We are deep frying the turkey again this year, and again our Thanksgiving feast will be on Saturday in Columbus. That’s OK, as on Thursday I can leisurely watch the TV parades and the Lions v. Packers.

    I think I’ll roast a highly seasoned chicken and have some parsnips and a few other things on Thursday.

    Be careful out there! As a follow-up to yesterday’s discussion, here’s a portion of a story from KPC News:
    — WATERLOO, Indiana — “A Spencerville woman was injured when a deer broke the windshield of the pickup she drove Saturday, the DeKalb County Sheriff’s Department said.

    Denise E. Johnson, 48, was northbound on I-69 near the 133 mile marker at 3:01 p.m. when a deer entered the road. It jumped as the 1996 Chevy K-1500 she drove approached, and was struck by the pickup’s windshield.

    Broken glass from the windshield entered the pickup, resulting in multiple lacerations to Johnson’s face. She was assisted at the scene by DeKalb EMS.

    Damage was estimated at $5,000.

    Also assisting at the scene was the Waterloo Fire Department”-END

  14. mark said on November 21, 2011 at 10:50 am

    Heather-

    Try smoked salmon. Add lemon wedges, capers, chopped boiled egg, dill sauce, etc. Elegant, can be prepared entirely in advance and travels well.

  15. Joe Kobiela said on November 21, 2011 at 11:45 am

    I have never seen a shower or private driving lanes or a massage on any private jet or turbo prop I have flown, the majority of people that use private aircraft are mid-managment, getting out and servicing customers, WORKING, God I hate people that write shit like that. The airlines do that because there service is so bad they keep losing more customers to me. “rant over”
    Pilot Joe

  16. Julie Robinson said on November 21, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    Congratulations to everyone on their weight losses. A nice lean turkey sandwich or turkey chowder won’t break the calorie bank. We boil the carcass for broth and use evaporated skim milk instead of cream, and fresh veggies of course, and it’s scrumptious.

    Instead of sweet potato casserole, my diabetic sister nukes the sweet potato and sprinkles Splenda brown sugar blend on top. It keeps her happy. We’ve also made a lower-calorie pumpkin custard without crust for her.

    My family always had jello on the table for holidays, too. There are a ton of horrible jello “salads” out there, to which I can only say, ick.

  17. LAMary said on November 21, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    In that photo, is that Deja-Poo next to the Poopourri? Does it smell like some poo you smelled before?

  18. Peter said on November 21, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    It’s a shame this product didn’t come out years ago – Harold Washington used to pronounce potpurri as “poo-poo-poorees” and they could have cashed in on that.

    Pilot Joe, I had a client who took Alitalia to Rome many years ago. Got bumped up to first class, where, among other amenities, they had an on-boad chef. Well, it was one tasty thing after another, but when they landed in Rome he was SO TIRED and wished they would have skipped the chef and just given him a sleeping pill.

  19. Brandon said on November 21, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    Your mention of Poo-pourri reminded me of Kobayashi One-Drop, which is fairly known in Hawaii, and sold at our local Longs.

    http://www.amazon.com/Kobayashi-10068105-One-Drop-Powerful-Deodorizer/dp/B000XCKMAI

    http://the.honoluluadvertiser.com/article/2008/Feb/28/bz/hawaii802280324.html

  20. moe99 said on November 21, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    Stay classy, NASCAR fans:

    http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2011/11/nascar_fans_boo_michelle_obama_during_event_honoring_troops.php?ref=fpnewsfeed_beta

  21. Suzanne said on November 21, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    The Frum piece pretty much echoed my thoughts. I used to be a pretty hard core Conservative, but a few months of unemployment, a few years of underemployment with no prospects in sight, and watching the GOP debates but not being sure if it’s really a Sat Night Live skit have changed my views considerably.

  22. caliban said on November 21, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    Irrefutable straight talk from Barney Frank on cutting military spending. There is no rational rebuttal to a single thing the Congressman says on this subject. Of course Salamander G. says Barney Frank should be in jail for housing market manipulations by Fannie and Freddie. Shit Newt, I don’t think Barney got anything like $1.6mill from those guys.

    The deficit and the national debt may be something like half as much a problem as hysterical GOPers claim (probably not), but at that, claiming Social Security is a considerable component of the problem is a bald-faced canard, and just more of that bullshit from W’s misguided initiative to privatize the social safety net. That would have worked out great in ’07 and ’08, right. The only rational place for large cuts is in spending on a military that is far too huge for any practical purpose in thee world as we find it, and reducing health care costs. The latter will never happen so long as private insurance companies and HMO’s who collude with the insurers and end up making government “bureaucracy” look as effective and efficient as Mussolini making the trains run on time. The US military-industrial complex and the US health care system as it currently operates are easily the two most execrable, dishonest, graft-ridden, ineffective and expensive bureaucracy in the history of human endeavor. This sorry state is a direct result of rampant capitalism and mindless reliance on the effects of “markets”.

    Moe, you know that Mrs. Biden and Mrs. Obama were actually promoting a program to develop jobs for vets returning from W’s two invasions, and that the drivers were very receptive and supporters.

  23. coozledad said on November 21, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    Officer Krispy Kreme meme. (Via Gawker):
    http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/the-pepper-spraying-cop-meme

  24. Scout said on November 21, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    Nothing works better than a quick courtesy flush and a match. Keeping a litter box in the bathroom is also handy – you can always blame any smells on it… provided you actually have a cat, of course.

    Thanksgiving preparation for us consisted of buying tickets to the annual Thanks-Living dinner at our favorite vegan restaurant. No fuss, no muss, no fattening left overs.

    From poop to food in one post – probably should have swapped the paragraph order.

  25. Maggie Jochild said on November 21, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    Yeah, thanks to this post and Coozledad above, brining will never feel like an option again.

  26. moe99 said on November 21, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/20/journalism-video_n_1082758.html?ref=media

    career advice for women thinking of going into the newspaper bidness back in 1940.

  27. Connie said on November 21, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Best turkey ever. My sister-in-law buys a fresh turkey and takes it to someone who turns it into a deboned turkey roll. Cooks up beautifully.

  28. Dorothy said on November 21, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    That sounds like some kind of magic trick, Connie. But then you wouldn’t have all those wonderful aromas wafting through the house while it’s cooking!

  29. Connie said on November 21, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    Dorothy, you do still have to cook it.

  30. Casey said on November 21, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    Joe Pilot- what do you fly? I ask cause my dad’s a flight instructor for Cesna’s Citation line of private jets. I’ve been able to go “up” in the simulators at the flight school, but have never been able to hitch on the actual plane while in flight anyway….I have checked a few out on the apron.

    Business class: our family has been able to cash in my husband’s frequent flyer miles and fly business class a few times between Detroit and Europe and again to California. (He did a LOT of flying one year) . On KLM. It was divine, flat reclining seats alone made all the difference in arrival energy. For super long haul flights, I would definitely consider the extra expense. But those first class seats and service described in the reticle are over the top if you pardon the flight pun.

    When we thought we’d be moving to Australia last year, we looked into flights to Oz, one of which offered a hybrid business and coach class. More legroom and deeper recline chair without the full flat, nor the steeper ticket price. Given the distance, time and the threat of DVT (husband is too overweight) I’d have paid it for certain.

    I still remember with fondness and wonder the first time I flew on an airplane. It was in 1969, I was 11 and traveling with just one sister and my grandma (who wanted someone with he cause she was a white knuckle flier). It was all that first class (domestic) is now.

  31. brian stouder said on November 21, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    OK – this struck me as funny:

    http://www.chem.info/News/2011/11/Plant-Operations-Lawsuit-Man-Fired-for-Refusing-to-Wear-666/?et_cid=2333487&et_rid=44004269&linkid=http%3a%2f%2fwww.chem.info%2fNews%2f2011%2f11%2fPlant-Operations-Lawsuit-Man-Fired-for-Refusing-to-Wear-666%2f

    an excerpt:

    A Georgia factory worker claims he was fired after he refused to wear a ’666′ sticker he feared would doom him to eternal damnation. Billy E. Hyatt says in a federal lawsuit this month that he was fired in March 2009 from the plant after he refused to wear the sticker proclaiming that his factory had been accident-free for 666 days.

    Why hell – all the guy had to do was go crash a fork-truck or some such, then POOF – problem solved!

    Plus – why did it take him two years to file the damned suit?

    And Pam usually wraps little gherkin pickles (or whatever the hell) in slices of ham (I think she uses a little cream cheese, too – but don’t quote me) for a quick/easy appetizer that travels well

  32. Julie Robinson said on November 21, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    At the Robinson gatherings most of us would probably eat whatever the hell as long as it was wrapped in cream cheese and ham. Or bacon. Definitely bacon.

  33. Little Bird said on November 21, 2011 at 3:31 pm

    It’s not a cold dish, but it’s a bacon dish. Wrap waterchestnuts in bacon. Drizzle with honey and sprinkle with brown sugar. Use a toothpick (that’s been soaked for a few hours in water) to hold it together. Broil for about three to five minutes. I’ve turned vegetarians into temporary omnivores with this one. I suppose they are still good even when they’ve cooled down, but they’re better hot.

  34. Mindy said on November 21, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    Lack of wine at Thanksgiving has been a sore spot of mine for years; the in-laws think alcohol is okay as long as it’s just one and only if there are no children present. Might damage them somehow – they could end up going to an establishment devoted to alcohol or one of them pool halls, and then where would we be?
    I’m always in charge of pies because we have the longest drive, and pies travel well. And a cheesecake. This year’s will be different than the one I usually make. Here it is for anyone who might be interested. Supposed to be the world’s greatest.
    http://www.momswhothink.com/cheesecake-recipes/juniors-new-york-cheesecake.html

  35. Connie said on November 21, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    My version: wrap whole water chestnuts in bacon. If you cut carefully you should be able to do 3 chestnuts per slice. Prebake in cake pan at 350 until bacon is cooked. That’s the part you do ahead. Before serving, mix 1 cup 3ach catsup and brown sugar. Place sauce in bottom of serving dish. Place wrapped chestnuts in sauce. Bake at 350 until hot and serve. One of my faves.

    Long ago we were going to an aunt’s house for Christmas Eve. Aunt tells my mother she will be serving wine. That is a first. Mother asks what kind of wine. Aunt replies “regular.”

    We anxiously awaited Christmas Eve just to find out what “regular” wine was. Turns out it’s Mogen David grape.

  36. brian stouder said on November 21, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    OOOOOHHHH – yes! I’ve had those bacon-wrapped water chestnuts, and they are very, very goooood!

    I have no dog in the holiday-wine fight; icy cold Diet Pepsi suits me fine

  37. Sue said on November 21, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    Mindy: drink afterwards and take the next day off.
    bacon/waterchestnut people: Have you ever heard of that appetizer that’s a date stuffed with a chunk of parmesan and then wrapped in bacon and baked? Even though I’m a veggie, I made it once just because the ingredients sounded like pure mixed awesomeness. They were gone immediately. I found the recipe in Gourmet (where ‘parmesiano-reggiano’ was required, adding to the awesomeness) but I assume you can find it in a recipe site.
    brian stouder: icy cold diet Pepsi since when? What happened to Coke?

  38. Jolene said on November 21, 2011 at 4:15 pm

    Country music live streaming from the White House tonight. An edited version will be on PBS tomorrow night. I’m not a huge country music fan, but this concert has Lyle Lovett, who I really like, Allison Krauss, and others.

    More info at http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/click-track/post/lyle-lovett-darius-rucker-dierks-bentley-talk-country-music-and-national-politics-at-the-white-house/2011/11/21/gIQApQsaiN_blog.html

  39. Jolene said on November 21, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    I wondered too, Brian, what happened to your attachment to Diet Coke. People could get the idea that you are a Romneyesque flip-flopper.

  40. Jolene said on November 21, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    Pretty much all Gourmet and Bon Appetite recipes are online at the Epicurious web site.

  41. Mindy said on November 21, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    Yeah, Brian, what happened to icy cold Vitamin DC?
    Sue – going there, doing that. As always.

  42. brian stouder said on November 21, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    People could get the idea that you are a Romneyesque flip-flopper.

    Hey – multinational soda pop/snack food corporations are people too, my friends….and I didn’t want to hurt Pepsico’s feelings

    (But indeed, while Coca-Cola Enterprises will always have a special place in my heart, still- icy cold Diet Pepsi has turned my head pretty comprehensively, in the past month or two. Indeed, their Obama-esque logo can’t help but dazzle…)

  43. Little Bird said on November 21, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    Sue, I have! Equally awesome is the date-stuffed-shrimp wrapped in bacon. Bacon makes the world a happier place. Well, my world anyway.

  44. LAMary said on November 21, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    I will second that ham wrapped pickle Brian mentioned. Go really jazzy and use good cornichons and black forest ham. You don’t need cream cheese. I have very fond memories of scarfing these when I worked at a gourmet store in NYC.

  45. Sue said on November 21, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    “Bacon makes the world a happier place.”
    Not for the Wilburs of the world it doesn’t.
    Bacon = Meat Candy

  46. caliban said on November 21, 2011 at 4:52 pm

    Anybody that rules out Thanksgiving wine has never had the Gewurzytraminers and Spatleses you can get this time of year. Good ones serve perfectly for both dessert and aperitif. And aside from following Nouveau Beaujolais, that’s it from me about wine. But a good Nouveau is about the most perfect wine with turkey meat. And I have always been happy to be born into the dark meat cadre. Little Bird. My brother Dave and I think everything in the world is more copacetic the more pork products abound, bacon in particular. We both used to drive my mom nuts about not enough bacon at breakfast after Mass (back when you were supposed to fast three hours before Communion). She would threaten us with 2 lb. apiece, but we knew it was all a good natured joke. Dave and I would have put that bacon away and demanded more in no time. We get a catalog from Burger’s Smokehouse. Bacon experts par excellence. They sell a very thick-cut, country-cure bacon with cracked pepper coating That I think is better than expensive prosciutto for starting sauce.

    Anybody going for turducken? What sort of scumbag idiot made that shit up? Or a Tofurkey? Seriously? I smoked Cornish Hens once for Thanksgiving and it went over big. I’d like to be clear on what y’all think is a turnip and what you think is a rutabaga. In my house, a turnip was a somewhat grotesque waxy ball that weighed about two shotputs, and looked like a rusty one.. You peel it and steem it till it is barely holding cube for. I know y’all sort of went over this talking about pasties, which I thought were brightly colored stars and swirls barely covering nipples on women otherwise naked above the waist, oh, I almost committed a homophone error that would have been awful and so bogus.

  47. Sue said on November 21, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    Huh. Karma’s kind of a bitch.
    http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2011/11/homeless_halloween_firm_goes_under.php?ref=fpa

  48. nancy said on November 21, 2011 at 4:58 pm

    A woman who contributes a food column to GrossePointeToday.com offered this recipe last year during the holidays; said it was a big hit at a movie party she catered when all the Hollywood folks were here:

    Dates stuffed with goat cheese and wrapped in bacon

    About 50 medjool dates (I find these at Costco)
    1 large package of goat cheese
    1 pound of regular smoked bacon (thinly sliced)

    Cut into each date, remove the seed, create a little pocket with your fingers, stuff with a small amount of goat cheese and wrap a piece of bacon around the date. I cut the entire pound of bacon into thirds and that seems to be the perfect size for wrapping. Place on baking sheet that has been sprayed with cooking spray. Bake at 400 for about 12-15 minutes or until the bacon is crispy and serve immediately.

  49. LAMary said on November 21, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    I may be repeating myself, but whenever I hear the word, “turducken,” I think of what one does in the vicinity of the gorilla exhibit at the LA Zoo. This is based on sad experience.

  50. Little Bird said on November 21, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    Oh, Nancy! That sounds divine!
    I cooked a turducken one year. For the maintenance guys in my building (one of them provided dinner for everyone else, I just cooked it). It came pre-assembled. And we had to go with the sans-bacon version (the bacon apparently gets wrapped around each bird and stuffed into the smallest) as one of the staff is Muslim and we didn’t want to exclude him.
    One of these years I want to deep fry a turkey. I have no idea where to do that in a high rise apartment building that doesn’t allow grills on the deck.

  51. caliban said on November 21, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    when Arkansas beats LSU, And UGA tramples Arkansas in the CG, how do things stand? Main thing is SEC is so much better, weenies talking about the ACC or any other conference can kiss they ass goodbye. If there is a pro quarterback that will still win the game when you ar in deep crap? That would have to be Matt Stafford, if you aren’t an idiot. Three times ? are we kidding? If a guy catches a ball covering the endline, he covered the line. This football move nonsense is painfully made up and stupid as shit. No way to say a word to any of you. Guy was taken hostages by criminals? I have to think, he is going to be very tough in the ninth. Things have looked slightly more serious. I hope he blows hitters away.

  52. Joe Kobiela said on November 21, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    Casey,
    Mostly cessna 310′s I do have 200hrs of pic in in King airs and crew in for a friend as a first officer on a citation bravo. Does your dad work for Cessna or some one like flight safety?
    Pilot Joe

  53. Dorothy said on November 21, 2011 at 6:49 pm

    Connie – I thought you meant it was cooked at that other person’s kitchen. My bad!

  54. David C. said on November 21, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    Pilot Joe @ 52. Ahh, King Airs. I spent many hours in the right seat of my previous employer’s King Air going between Grand Rapids and Columbus and/or Duluth. Nothing beats the view from the front window. I sure miss those days.

  55. MichaelG said on November 21, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    Ahh, nothing like a nice vintage Beaujolais Nouveau.

    That’s hilarious, Mary. I’ve seen Gorillas pitching at the SF Zoo. It does tend to scatter the crowd.

  56. caliban said on November 21, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    No way we get caught:

    Irrefutable straight talk from Barney Frank on cutting military spending. Put his hand up Sherri’s skirt. Bag this shit Nancy. Sometimes the rode goes on forever. I have been the What would we say, the firearms. You know how this comes out. Bitch, that is how it always leaves the male in this situation. I think you may consider. Who ia how whTEVER WE FUCK OVER EVERYBODY? NOPE? WE JUST SCREWED OUR BOYS.

  57. coozledad said on November 21, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    Every time I think the baroque vulgarity of your gel-haired, coked up MBA has peaked…
    http://www.dependablerenegade.com/dependable_renegade/2011/11/i-wonder-how-much-the-armored-plating-will-cost.html#comments

  58. MarkH said on November 21, 2011 at 7:43 pm

    Sherri? OUR Sherri?? Barney did that?? What’s his nn.c handle? How did he find her? Caliban’s right, Nancy. Put a stop to this right now.

  59. Brandon said on November 21, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    @coozledad: I noticed your “potato, meet muffler” comment on the DR site. Is that a reference to Axel Foley’s stuffing bananas in the cop car’s tailpipe?

    I don’t know if what look like luxury delivery vans are so much vulgar as banal, though. (Stretch Hummers are definitely the former.)

  60. coozledad said on November 21, 2011 at 8:05 pm

    Brandon: I was just thinking it would be easier to shove a potato into the tailpipe while a chauffeur is idling it than it would be to dump a quart of Karo syrup into the fuel tank, even though the latter is so much more rewarding.

  61. Sherri said on November 21, 2011 at 9:40 pm

    Caliban, I’m not Barney Frank’s type.

  62. Joe Kobiela said on November 21, 2011 at 9:48 pm

    David C,
    For any trip under 350 miles, nothing beats a King Air 200. Short field take off and landings, no problem, fill the seats check, over most weather no problem, Jet will get you there maybe 5min sooner, but at close to twice the price. BIG quiet cabin, and it flys like a Beechcraft, they have a feel all there own.
    Pilot Joe

  63. caliban said on November 21, 2011 at 10:36 pm

    Shit doesn’t stink. Girls don’t fart. What is wrong with people? I’d blame Peggy Noonan. Who believes women are too delicate for actual police work. What a moron.

  64. caliban said on November 21, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    Joe. You live in a world of your own. I wish I could fly planes. I really wish I could, but that is not the real world, by any stretch of the imagination, What we think and what is the real world, Not remotely the same. No shit Joe, when you fly into Hilton Head, let me know. I will buy you lunch, Meanwhile, things are absurd. I will take you to lunch and let things sort them selves out, So it goes. Don’t know what to say, but you are under arrest.

  65. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on November 21, 2011 at 10:49 pm

    Eric – the Columbus Post-Dispatch? Funny story, though.

    http://blogs.chicagotribune.com/news_columnists_ezorn/2011/11/they-can-have-him.html

    I recently preached at a church where the previous pastorate had not ended well. Offering my usual hyper-neutral “uh-hmmmmm, yeah, sure, uh-hmmmmmmm,” they took me into the office. The departing clergyperson had painted this central Ohio congregation’s church office blue & yellow. No worse finger-flight out a departing car window could have been flung than this provocational paint job.

  66. alex said on November 21, 2011 at 11:52 pm

    How did I ever live without brining?

    I was actually planning to forego turkey this year because it stinks to high heaven. The leg meat, when it’s cooking, I find particularly noxious, reminiscent in fact of some gross people I once knew whose sexual activities gave off a similar miasma. Does fresh smell better than frozen? Does brined fresh smell better still?

    I need a Thanksgiving-pourri. Or maybe I’ll just do a spiral ham.

  67. Crazycatlady said on November 22, 2011 at 12:36 am

    Being vegetarian I went ahead and bought a Tofurky. Yes, I’ve heard all the jokes. My journey into vegetarian cuisine is well documented in my remarkably improved lab values. Lower cholesterol, normal blood sugars, much improved Ac1 and for the first time in 20 years a normal(!) liver enzyme profile. And 50 pound weight loss. To me, it’s a miracle. So me and my Tofurky with wild rice stuffing and mushroom gravy will be so happy together. I don’t drink, but I may crack open a cranberry sparkling juice. Cheers to you, Nancy!

  68. moe99 said on November 22, 2011 at 1:00 am

    coozledad, that Mercedes van still costs less than Alan’s Escalade. Amaaazing.

  69. Casey said on November 22, 2011 at 1:47 am

    Joe pilot @52

    You got it on your second…he’s at Flight Safety in Whichita. Been there going on 25 years since the Air Force. He’s 75 and never wants to stop working. Loves to teach even if most of it is in a simulator not the air.

  70. Dexter said on November 22, 2011 at 2:12 am

    I used to drive to Lebamoff’s every year at this time to be first in line for the year’s release of Beaujolais Nouveau.
    I see MichaelG is also an aficianado of the new grape’s nectar.

    It’s not meant to keep, it’s meant to drink up quickly ,and when you uncork a bottle, pass it around and finish it off.

    I don’t miss or crave wine anymore, but I had fun with the ritual of the brand new wine every year…this year’s vintage was just released hours ago ….
    http://www.hauteliving.com/2011/11/the-release-of-the-2011-beaujolais-nouveau/

  71. Deborah said on November 22, 2011 at 3:12 am

    Dexter, my husband’s older daughter’s husband works for Georges Duboeuf in France. He’s French and they live in the Beaujolais area. He has something to do with sales and travels to the US a lot.

  72. caliban said on November 22, 2011 at 3:56 am

    Crazycatlady, My hat is off to you, but I still could not bring myself to sit down to a tofurkey. And I’m no huge fan of the real thing in the first place, but I only like the darkest meat available anyway, which I think, possibly deluded is lowest in cholesterol, but mine’s low anyway and I’m not worried about weight at 165 and 6″-1. Dexter, you are correct on the nouveau. I should cut myself off as you have, but I doubt I ever will, There is actually a terrific song on the subject by a terribly underrated band, the BoDeans:

    http://www.vh1.com/video/the-bodeans/58429/good-work.jhtml#artist=3243

    Unfortunately, there does not seem to be a version of Beaujolais on the net. But believe me, this is a great band.

  73. coozledad said on November 22, 2011 at 7:00 am

    Yeah, right, Fox News. And Bill O’ Reilly’s 600 watt dildo is a “medical device”.
    http://gawker.com/5861688/its-a-food-product-essentially-fox-news-starts-spinning-pepper-spray-cops

    No wonder their viewership ain’t got a hair on their ass.

  74. David C. said on November 22, 2011 at 7:07 am

    Of course it’s just a food product, coozledad. And waterboarding is just a cure for dehydration also, too.

  75. ROGirl said on November 22, 2011 at 7:26 am

    In light of the fecal focus of this thread, I’m still laughing over a line from “Community” a couple of weeks ago that referred to Activia as “the girl yogurt that Jamie Lee Curtis uses to poop.”

  76. Heather said on November 22, 2011 at 7:49 am

    Thanks to everyone for the hors d’oeuvres ideas. I considered bacon-wrapped bacon, but in the end went with Nancy’s goat-cheese-stuffed dates wrapped in the stuff. Managed to score the last box of medjool dates at Trader Joe’s last night!

  77. Dorothy said on November 22, 2011 at 8:34 am

    That’s funny, ROGirl. But I have to say it’s not just for girls. My hubby has used it frequently since his colon cancer surgery last January. Works like magic.

  78. basset said on November 22, 2011 at 8:53 am

    Joe and David, when we lived in Wichita in the early 80s Mrs. B. worked across the street from the Beech plant… with Boeing, Cessna, and McConnell AFB maybe a mile or two away, lots of interesting machinery taking off and landing. Beech Starships, B-52s, 747s… got to ride in a KC-135 once and lie in the boom operator’s position, quite a trip. Probably the most impressive sight… a B-24 and B-29 flying together over downtown on a Sunday morning, just passin’ through.

    Cooz, these guys are “officer Krispy Kreme”: http://www.copsdoughnuts.com/

  79. Deborah said on November 22, 2011 at 10:39 am

    Many years ago I was reaching for the powdered cayenne pepper jar high up in the pantry. The jar fell and broke and pepper dust came wafting up into my face. It was horrible. Fox and Co are disgusting.

    I’ve been eating probiotic yogurt as part of the diet Littlebird and I had been on (she’s still on it). It has had the opposite effect on me for some reason.

  80. Brandon said on November 22, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pepper_spray

  81. caliban said on November 22, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    And aside from screaming, and being an intelligent and gorgeous human being, Jamey Lee has about the most perfect pair of breasts ever seen, Like in that movie, Trading Places. Pardon me, but if y’all feel so free to discuss her bowels, I’ll discuss her joyful protuberances. Long may they wave.