Today’s theme? Massive mutilation of the human corpus. You’ve been warned.
First, from the world of journalism, one of my Facebook network posted this story. Tell me what you think:
Monica Thayer had been on the job just six days when she got scalped. Literally.
Her long brown hair caught in a machine at an auto parts plant in Barberton, Ohio, the Akron Beacon Journal reported, pulling her in and ripping off her scalp from her eyebrows backward to her neck.
The story’s by an L.A. Times-er, but a read indicates it wasn’t so much reported as read, rewritten and packaged for a new kind of news consumer — one who sees a grievous injury suffered by an $8-an-hour factory worker, new on the job, with no health insurance not as an outrage, but as a freakish event to make a person say Eeeeeewwwww!
Let’s see if we can write one even worse. I’ll go first:
The Indians are long-gone from northeast Ohio, but an unlucky factory worker learned the hard way that their harshest punishment is very much alive.
Who can top that? The woman, by the way, is still in the hospital. We need another revolution in this country, goddamn it. I nominate the writer of that travesty, one Connie Stewart, as cannon fodder.
But let’s move on. Because we’re not done yet. Fireworks injuries in
Macomb Oakland County:
A paraplegic man’s leg was blown off as he sat in his wheelchair setting off explosives on the Fourth of July.
“I believe he had been lighting fireworks on his lap then setting them down on the ground before they went off,” said Hazel Park Police Chief Martin Barner. “He lit one device that then slipped between his legs and went off.” The force of the explosion severed the man’s left leg just below the knee and blew it about 50 feet across the street where it hit a neighbor’s house.
There were “many beverage bottles” at the scene, but the cops were unclear on whether alcohol was a factor.
I really don’t know what to say about this, except that the one story I covered in my career that involved people being blown to bits — and I never went to a war zone — involved fireworks.
The guy lived, as far as I can tell.
Finally, not exactly a human-mutilation story, unless we’re talking about pulling your own hair out, but your tax dollars at work:
The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, a scientific agency that typically studies weather, climate change and other environmental matters, recently posted a statement on its website denying the existence of mermaids.
The post, titled “No Evidence of Aquatic Humanoids Has Ever Been Found,” states that “the belief in mermaids may have arisen at the very dawn of our species” and details a short history of mermaid mythology.
Neither NOAA nor any other federal agency has ever issued a statement about a mythical creature before, so what prompted this public denial?
A two-hour Animal Planet special called “Mermaids: The Body Found.”
Isn’t that nice? Don’t you feel comforted?
Two more days of this heat, and with any luck Sunday will be bearable.