Fashion. Show.

I don’t know about you, but on the day after a big awards show, I could spend hours reading Tom & Lorenzo’s take on the red-carpet outfits. Of course, the pans are the most fun, what with Zosia Mamet’s bizarre leather boobs, and Christian Hendricks’ ace putdown of Ryan Seacrest:

…she told Ryan Seacrest she picked this dress because it looked “like a Sargent painting,” which is absolutely true and the stating of such caused Seacrest to blink vapidly for a few seconds and weakly repeat “… a Sargent painting… ” because he CLEARLY had no frikkin clue what she was talking about. Anyone who can reveal Seacrest for the uncultured tool he is with one phrase is someone who deserves all the neck rolls and finger snaps in the WORLD.

(The Sargent painting in question.)

Cat Deeley’s rueful regret:

A lot of arching of the back with the arms clamped to her sides. A shame. Your instincts were telling you not to wear this, hon, but you fell in love with the sheer Bob Mackie-ness of it all, didn’t you? We can understand.

My personal best in show: Anna Gunn.

Claire Danes’ mistake:

You just barely have your nipples covered and you’re going with anchorwoman hair, clean eyes, and sensible diamond studs in your ears? Girl, no.

But if you’re just perusing the home page, the best of all is Miley Cyrus, trotting out yet another of her fun outfits, which includes black pasties, panties with suspenders, and a fishnet dress with a bunchy zipper.

Nothing says “I have no persona of my own” than freezing your face into nothing more than a logo for pictures and thinking that it makes you look interesting.

Yeah, she’s doing that tongue thing again.

I’m talking fashion because I can’t talk about “Breaking Bad” — the last few episodes are killing me. It’s simply magnificent, brave television, and you can read dozens of great TV critics pulling it apart. You don’t need me.

I’m out of gas. Enjoy the dresses.

Posted at 12:30 am in Popculch |
 

45 responses to “Fashion. Show.”

  1. Deborah said on September 24, 2013 at 6:03 am

    I agree Anna Gunn looked terrific. I watched Breaking Bad last night on demand because I fell asleep Sunday night after the long day of driving back from AZ. In some ways it is such a good show I don’t want it to end, and in other ways I’m so ready for it to be over.

  2. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on September 24, 2013 at 6:59 am

    Ah, the Sargent allusion will make me smile all day. Because it’s not only a lovely observation for her to have made in the first place, but it’s a wicked putdown without malice: he didn’t have to appear as gormless as he did, that was his choice entirely. No sin to not know American Impressionists, but Seacrest was trying to signal “hey, let’s keep all our cultural references within the Idol cast and guests, shall we?”

    It also makes me smile that someone at United Airlines decided to go back to “Rhapsody in Blue” for their ads; wonder if they still had the rights from the 70s?

  3. coozledad said on September 24, 2013 at 8:17 am

    Christine’s dress might be inspired by Seargent, but it’s got a lot of Madame Moitessier built in.

    Miley, tragically, looks like a younger, thinner version of Billy Ray with booblets. I wonder if the tongue thing is a stereotypy from badly paired genes or some powerful antipsychotic meds.

  4. beb said on September 24, 2013 at 8:20 am

    It is killing my wife that she has to work next Sunday right during the final episode of Breaking Bad.

    The other day I looked at a slideshow of dresses at the Emmy’s. Since the pictures and accompanying text are served up separately I wasn’t always sure that the comments pertained to the dress because they’d sometimes give a low score to what I thought looked pretty nice and vice versa.

    Zosia Mamet’s boob defining strap of leather was an OMG fashion don’t

    One of the worst, and it may have been bad photoshopping post-fact, was Paula Abdula. Not so much because she looked bad in the dress but someone her body looked about three inches wide and here head looked liked one of papier mache giant parade heads.

    I think Miley is just expressing her inner Wendy O. Williams.

  5. beb said on September 24, 2013 at 8:21 am

    It is killing my wife that she has to work next Sunday right during the final episode of Breaking Bad.

    The other day I looked at a slideshow of dresses at the Emmy’s. Since the pictures and accompanying text are served up separately I wasn’t always sure that the comments pertained to the dress because they’d sometimes give a low score to what I thought looked pretty nice and vice versa.

    Zosia Mamet’s boob defining strap of leather was an OMG fashion don’t

    One of the worst, and it may have been bad photoshopping post-fact, was Paula Abdul. Not so much because she looked bad in the dress but someone her body looked about three inches wide and here head looked liked one of papier mache giant parade heads.

    I think Miley is just expressing her inner Wendy O. Williams.

  6. beb said on September 24, 2013 at 8:28 am

    Sorry, for the double post.

  7. alex said on September 24, 2013 at 8:30 am

    I’m not sure which is the more peculiar fashion statement, Zosia Mamet’s leather boobs or Cat Deeley’s butt (she looks like she’s smuggling a stolen Sargent portrait in there). These folks have gazillions to spend, and probably have personal dressers shopping for them and doing their makeup. I could go to Target with a hundred bucks and make some of them look better.

  8. beb said on September 24, 2013 at 8:54 am

    alex, I think Sarah Silverman did just that.

  9. Linda said on September 24, 2013 at 9:00 am

    Alex, I’m sure your last sentence is perfectly correct. I think the emphasis that stylists have is on making female celebrities “stand out,” but not in a good way.

    I read a good book on the movie Imitation of Life, Born to Be Hurt by Sam Staggs, and he points out that costumers and dressers in the olden days of movies created a persona for female stars that was a whole package of style, skillfully highlighting their physical strengths and hiding defects. As an example (from another source), Barbara Stanwyck had a low slung, non-perky butt, so costumers created the optical illusion of a higher one by putting her in belts that were wide in the front, and narrow in the back, to draw the eye up. Can you imagine any celebs or stylists nowadays that are shrewd enough to do that?

  10. nancy said on September 24, 2013 at 9:04 am

    Old Hollywood had a million tricks like that up its sleeve. (New Hollywood has a few, but they’re mostly Adderall and hair extensions.) A lighting engineer told me the stars of old had it in their contracts that they had to get more foot-candles of light on them than everyone else on set. This was in the days when film stock had an ASA of 2 or 3, so you can imagine the sorts of lights they used then.

    Oh, and P.S., Alex: None of these women paid a dime for these clothes. Everything is loaned or comped by the designers, in exchange for us talking about it afterward. Only Russian mobsters’ concubines pay full price.

  11. Linda said on September 24, 2013 at 9:08 am

    Just so you can see Sarah Silverman’s $60 dress.

  12. Heather said on September 24, 2013 at 10:21 am

    To be fair, a large percentage of Seacrest’s audience probably didn’t know who Sargent is either. Thanks to Google, now they do. Education!

    I read once that Greta Garbo wore tiny, very tight braids near her hairline to smooth her forehead.

  13. velvet goldmine said on September 24, 2013 at 10:26 am

    I bet the first person Googling Sargent this week was Christina Hendricks, after her stylist or publicist fed her that line.

  14. Pam (the sister) said on September 24, 2013 at 10:39 am

    While I love TLO’s take on fashion, I will also admit to being a Fashion Police fan. Kelley Osborn said Zosia Mamet had a mask on her chest. Personally, I think if she had just torn off the mask and that filmy white piece attached to it, it would have been a lovely dress. I just don’t get why the leather piece?? Cat Deeley’s dress was unattractive IMHO. The things at her thighs that pointed out were there why? And Clare Danes? I just burst out laughing. Her dress needed to be pulled up in front. The back was OK, though. I watch FP and read TLO but I never actually watch the Emmies much. Too many cringe worthy acceptance speeches. Also noticed that other than the Colbert Report, I don’t watch many of the shows that won.

  15. velvet goldmine said on September 24, 2013 at 10:40 am

    On second glance, I see that wowza custom dress is by none other than Project Runway’s eccentric imp, Christian Siriano. Easily my favorite designer of any season, but more importantly in this context he is definitely the one who would have have the background to make that allusion. (And to feed her bombshell-as-brainiac aspirations, much the same way Marilyn Monroe always let it be known that she was reading James Joyce.)

  16. MaryRC said on September 24, 2013 at 11:24 am

    I liked Tom & Lorenzo’s comment this morning “Judgment is exhausting. We don’t know how God does it.” I’m wondering what they’ll say about Tina Fey’s dress which I thought was one of the best in terms of how it fitted and suited her.

    One thing I’ve noticed from following T&L is that the shoes must be comped too because they rarely seem to fit. The closed ones are often too large (see Zooey Deschanel) and the open-toed shoes are too small with toes spilling out over the end.

    So there these women are, having to break in new shoes that don’t fit, without pantyhose, and smile all the time.

  17. nancy said on September 24, 2013 at 11:38 am

    I don’t know why so many women go with these plunging-to-the-navel necklines. You have to have exACTly the right shape of boob to work that, and Claire Danes’ aren’t. J-Lo has them, or did, and I bet even she had a hell of a lot of help from tape and various other rigging.

  18. Jolene said on September 24, 2013 at 11:50 am

    I love looking at the dresses, but I can’t imagine the experience of answering the “who are you wearing” question repeatedly. Who wants to be a walking billboard?

    Of course, all this is rather outside my experience, but, to me, what you want is to be at home in clothes–to be at ease in whatever you are wearing, formal or informal. Hard to do when you are are having to be an exhibit rather than simply a person.

    That said, Anna Gunn was my favorite too. She is, I think, really beautiful. And her work in Breaking Bad has been stunning.

  19. Jolene said on September 24, 2013 at 11:55 am

    Agree re Claire Danes. Her gowns always seem to look the same on her as they might on a hanger. She’s a thin, angular woman–not, obviously, a voluptuous creature like Christina Hendricks. Somebody needs to help her figure out a look that better suits her looks and personality.

  20. James said on September 24, 2013 at 12:05 pm

    If Seacrest was the least bit hip he coulda said, “Oh? Dick Sargent?”

  21. James said on September 24, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    Tried to post this, and the server claimed it was a duplicate. Hey… Who’s running this site anyway?

    (Uh… That’d be my long-suffering big-hearted brother)

    Here’ My pithy comment:

    If Seacrest was the least bit hip he coulda said, “Oh? Dick Sargent?”

  22. James said on September 24, 2013 at 12:20 pm

    So NOW it shows up.

  23. Dorothy said on September 24, 2013 at 12:40 pm

    Don’t feel bad, James. I wrote a comment early yesterday morning, mostly to celebrate Julie’s daughter’s new job in Tampa, and then my words got swallowed up and disappeared. I didn’t have the time or energy to re-create the post. So Julie – if this one works, YAY for your daughter! I’m sure she’ll like the weather much better in FL as compared to WA.

  24. MarkH said on September 24, 2013 at 1:17 pm

    Seacrest can flush himself down the toilet for all I care, and I didn’t know Sargent from this morning’s breakfast.

    So, forget Christina, Clare and the rest of the snootiness. Merritt Wever ended everything for me. Haven’t had a crush like this since, well….

    Had I been in the house after her speech I would have run away with her in a New York nanosecond.

  25. Jeff Borden said on September 24, 2013 at 1:28 pm

    Thanks to Beb for mentioning the late Wendy O. Williams. I fondly recall her and the Plasmatics appearing on the old SCTV.

    I’ve been struck by the quality of Anna Gunn’s work on “Breaking Bad” but had never considered her a raving beauty until I saw her in that dress. Then again, her role is anything but glamorous on “BB.” As an earlier commenter noted, I cannot wait to find out what is going to happen –I hope poor Jesse somehow comes out all right even if he did murder someone– but I’m going to be quite forlorn that the program will be no more. The show has been so rich and complex, however, I’m fairly certain I’ll enjoy viewing it again pretty soon, as I’ve enjoyed reruns of “The Sopranos.”

    Finally, I love Sarah Silverman. Not just because I think she is strikingly attractive and very sexy, but because she is a fearless smartass who loves to tilt at windmills. I think a lunch or dinner with her would be a lot more fun than, say, Claire Danes.

  26. Jolene said on September 24, 2013 at 1:39 pm

    MarkH, have you watched Nurse Jackie, the show Rever is in? It’s one of my favorites, and Rever is charming in it. Best to start from the beginning if you can.

  27. Jolene said on September 24, 2013 at 1:42 pm

    Does anyone know what T-Lo’s Whiteboard category is about? I don’t see how the items in that category differ from any others.

  28. MarkH said on September 24, 2013 at 2:13 pm

    Jolene, no I haven’t, as I am one of those neanderthals that doesn’t get ShowTime or HBO (yet). So had never seen Wever before. As I HAVE wanted to watch Nurse Jackie, though, I am going to re-configure my DirecTV line-up, bigtime. Meantime I bet I can start with NetFlix. Thanks for the recommendation.

    Jeff B., I second your note on Wendy O. One of the most fascinating guests to regularly appear on Tom Snyder’s show as well, back in the day. Miley wouldn’t know her from Britney Spears. Also spot-on about funny, fearless Sarah Silverman.

  29. Minnie said on September 24, 2013 at 2:22 pm

    Jolene,as I recall, shots in that category are posted without comment. It’s up to the Bitter Kittens to pick them apart.

  30. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on September 24, 2013 at 2:35 pm

    Stouder seems to be otherwise occupied, so I’ll fill in: why does Clare Danes need to pull up her dress?

    (You’re welcome, Brian.)

  31. MarkH said on September 24, 2013 at 2:41 pm

    Jeff(tmmo) –

    As a t-shirt commonly available out here says, “Not all tetons are Grand Tetons”.

    Look at Danes’ photo again.

    You’re welcome as well.

  32. brian stouder said on September 24, 2013 at 2:55 pm

    Jeff and Mark – thanks! – and, Agreed!!

    Here’s a local story that made me say ‘wow’.

    http://www.wane.com/news/local/wabash-county-police-responding-to-possible-small-plane-crash-in-urbana

    the lead:

    WABASH COUNTY, Ind. (WANE) One person was injured Tuesday after the propeller of a small plane came off causing it to crash. According to Wabash County Sheriff Bob Land, the Fort Wayne Air Traffic Control received a call around 10:30 a.m. about a plane crash northwest of Urbana, Indiana. A short time later, the Wabash County Sheriff received a call from a person on the plane stating that the aircraft had crashed. The pilot of the plane, Rex Ott, 62, of Danville, Iowa told investigators that the engine malfunctioned and the propeller came off. Ott said he was able to control the 1963 Beechcraft and glide it into a soy bean field.

    It seems to me that at least one additional story should come from this. Somebody in Wabash County (or thereabouts) must have had (or will have) a “what the hell?!” moment, when they saw a propeller come fluttering down (or when they run it over, at harvest time).

    I’m assuming the thing would spin on the way down, and maybe go this way and that, with the shifting breeze – or maybe not; maybe the thing came down like a spear.

    I can just imagine some schmuck arguing with his wife over what kind of cereal to buy this week, only to be impaled by a javelin from God.

  33. Dorothy said on September 24, 2013 at 2:59 pm

    As much as I love Edie Falco, Merritt Wever is the best thing about Nurse Jackie.

  34. Bitter Scribe said on September 24, 2013 at 3:10 pm

    I don’t know that Hendricks’ comment to Seacrest constituted a “put-down.” It’s not her fault he’s art-history-challenged. At least he didn’t say “Sergeant who?”

  35. Bitter Scribe said on September 24, 2013 at 3:10 pm

    I don’t know that Hendricks’ comment to Seacrest constituted a “put-down.” It’s not her fault he’s art-history-challenged. At least he didn’t say “Sergeant who?”

  36. Bitter Scribe said on September 24, 2013 at 3:16 pm

    Oops. I’ve joined the double-post brigade. Sorry.

  37. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on September 24, 2013 at 4:04 pm

    Being just (in jet aircraft terms) east of Port Columbus, I can tell you on behalf of farmers around here that almost anyone who has more than 40 acres and a mule has a story (stories) about aircraft bits and pieces they’ve found in their fields. Various chunks of aluminum, steel, rubber, and of course blue ice have done their damage on harvesters all across the county, and most large farmers know who to call to get their settlement and repairs paid for depending on the part and serial number.

  38. Julie Robinson said on September 24, 2013 at 4:41 pm

    I’m rather late today but I agree about all the unflattering dresses. When did people forget that the aim was to look good? I keep imagining their kids coming across these images in years hence and being mortified by what’s exposed.

    Thanks, Dorothy! I just put Sarah on the plane back to the Northwest to wrap things up. Her dog and I are consoling each other with a lot of lap time.

  39. Deborah said on September 24, 2013 at 4:56 pm

    I don’t know how the double posted comments are happening but I will say this, don’t hit submit more than once. A couple of times I’ve been tempted because it occasionally takes a long time for it to stop “thinking” and show up. Once or twice I thought the comment completely disappeared but lo and behold it didn’t. And I’ve started selecting all and copying before I hit the send button if I’ve written something longish that I wouldn’t want to retype (like this comment).

    Three trips to the hardware store today trying to get the right tools to do this bathroom renovation. Ye gads there’s a different tool for everything and thank heaven for You Tube, you can learn how to do anything.

  40. Deborah said on September 24, 2013 at 4:59 pm

    I think I got put in moderation because I misstyped my email address, it doesn’t remember me anymore. Sorry about that Nancy.

  41. brian stouder said on September 24, 2013 at 5:08 pm

    Julie – now that sounds like a genuinely ‘lucky dog’!

    Aside from that – and on the other end of the spectrum from what Tom & Lorenzo show us, is this the world’s ugliest animal (excepting the Canadian goose Cruz)?

    http://www.cnn.com/2013/09/12/travel/blobfish-ugly-animal/?iref=obnetwork

    (if the blobfish isn’t, he’s in the running. And, don’t you love the name ‘blobfish’? I think the species needs to rebrand, for starters)

  42. Jolene said on September 24, 2013 at 5:12 pm

    If you happen to be at home . . . Bill Clinton and Barack Obama are talking about healthcare on MSNBC right now. They’re at the annual meeting of the Clinton Global Initiative.

  43. jcburns said on September 24, 2013 at 6:22 pm

    PLEASE only click once when you submit a comment. We’re doing a cache thing to help our poor hobbled server and the downside of that is that you may not see your comment show up immediately.

    That’s OK, y’know? The world doesn’t need THAT MUCH immediate gratification, right? Right?

  44. ROGirl said on September 24, 2013 at 6:32 pm

    Zosia’s boob mask with the white bib is a Project Runway design that should have been auf’ed (overworked, I question the taste). If they had been removed it would have been a decent dress.

  45. Suzanne said on September 24, 2013 at 9:05 pm

    Didn’t watch the Emmy Awards and know why. I have no clue who a great many of the people that Tom & Lorenzo highlight even are or what shows they are on! That leather bra thing dress is even made uglier by the actress’s adolescent slumping posture. It’s like she knows she looks ridiculous. Please, if I go out looking that ridiculous, somebody stop me!

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