Taking a work day.

I’m writing a story tonight, not my favorite kind (the ones with funny, quotable, interesting people) but something closer to its opposite (the ones with spreadsheets and ten million cross tabs), which means I am scowling, squinting, cursing and wishing for a monitor as big as the Ritz. Or at least as big as Al Gore’s. All of them.

So let’s go to some lively bloggage, and welcome the weekend.

One of those New Yorker casuals, “Missed Connections for A-holes.” Yep:

We made small talk in the checkout line at Trader Joe’s. You said that you literally could not live without the salsa you were buying. I wish we could talk again. You used “literally” incorrectly. It really pissed me off. I wish you could literally not live without that salsa, because then I’d take it from you.

Love the Oatmeal. The story of a very bad parrot.

I’m enjoying last week’s “This American Life.” Subject: Getting high. I’m sure a few of you folks might like it. Back to this spreadsheet, and have a great day, everyone.

Posted at 8:41 am in Same ol' same ol' |

22 responses to “Taking a work day.”

  1. brian stouder said on May 9, 2014 at 10:36 am

    Charts and graphs – these are definitive examples of ‘a little goes a long way’.

    My rule (if I were a rule-maker) would be that an article or essay can have one chart or graph, period.

    Multiple charts strike me as the graphic equivalent of “On the one hand/on the other hand” equivocating articles…

    although I suppose a clever person could make a venn diagram, and shoehorn up to 3 graphs (more or less) into their article

    438 chars

  2. brian stouder said on May 9, 2014 at 10:37 am

    (btw – looking at the Al Gore picture, it’s easy to see how he lost Tipper!)

    76 chars

  3. LAMary said on May 9, 2014 at 11:27 am

    I’ve got that picture of Al Gore and his desk(s) over my desk.

    62 chars

  4. Wim said on May 9, 2014 at 11:38 am

    Oh? What makes you think any of us would be interested in getting high? What do you know about us? How do you know it? You’re freaking me out. Is this weed making me paranoid?

    Brian–I guess that’s easy to see if you’re Brian Stouder. As I am not, I wonder: is it because he’s messy? Obsessive? Fat? What?

    318 chars

  5. alex said on May 9, 2014 at 11:46 am

    Wim, think football widow only without a Super Bowl to look forward to.

    71 chars

  6. Deborah said on May 9, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    I listened to that TAL about pot a couple of days ago and then spent some time trying to think which of my colleagues at work were actually high a lot of the time. There was one guy that we all figured was taking cocaine regularly but I couldn’t really come up with anyone that I thought was smoking weed on the job. I’m sure it was happening, it was just hidden, from me anyway.

    379 chars

  7. brian stouder said on May 9, 2014 at 12:33 pm

    Speaking of insidious powders – here’s a story with an attention grabbing headline. Looks like Proctor and God stepped right into it!

    Procter & Gamble Yanks “Neo-Nazi” Detergent Off German Shelves


    an excerpt (which made me think “who knew?):

    The use of Nazi slogans in public is banned in Germany, which neo-Nazis often try to circumvent by using codes. They use “88” to represent the phrase “Heil Hitler,” because “H” is the eighth letter of the alphabet. Similarly, “18” is used to stand for “A.H.” or Adolf Hitler.Procter & Gamble acknowledged Friday that the number was “unintentionally ambiguous.” Spokeswoman Melanie Schnitzler said the company has stopped shipping the offending powder, as well as a liquid detergent that was being promoted as “Ariel 18.”

    947 chars

  8. LAMary said on May 9, 2014 at 2:25 pm

    Well that explains the popularity of that Oldsmobile model among our German brethren.

    85 chars

  9. brian stouder said on May 9, 2014 at 2:52 pm

    Well – and which rock group had the big anthem “18” – I wanna say Alice Cooper…

    81 chars

  10. MarkH said on May 9, 2014 at 3:19 pm

    …or why Joseph Heller really changed the name to “Catch 22”. Leon Uris be damned.

    83 chars

  11. Andrea said on May 9, 2014 at 3:20 pm

    Since the thread is a little quiet today, thought I’d toss this brilliant interview from Colbert out to the group. The gun bit is truly inspired.


    247 chars

  12. Dexter said on May 9, 2014 at 4:05 pm

    *sigh* When I am reincarnated into the workplace, I shall choose the following workplace:
    straight outta Google:

    “Google is home to one of the most employee-friendly workplaces in the world. Employees can eat lunch at one of the company’s free gourmet cafes, visit the onsite hair salon or laundry center, get a massage — and bring their dog to work. Google’s dog policy provides employees with a basic set of guidelines including cleaning up after the dog makes [messes. I assume] and being mindful of allergic co-workers. The Google Code of Conduct specifically addresses cats at work, and the news is not good for feline fans: “Google’s affection for our canine friends is an integral facet of our corporate culture. We like cats, but we’re a dog company, so as a general rule we feel cats visiting our offices would be fairly stressed out.”—” [END]

    Wait a minute! No cats allowed? Well fuck THAT shit! 🙂

    927 chars

  13. Deborah said on May 9, 2014 at 4:08 pm

    MichaelG, how are you doing after your first chemo treatment? Resting comfortably I hope, with your family’s support. Been thinking about you.

    142 chars

  14. brian stouder said on May 9, 2014 at 4:24 pm

    What Deborah said.

    (I think I wouldn’t like working at Google. I’m officially and old guy now, I guess)

    108 chars

  15. Scout said on May 9, 2014 at 5:11 pm

    I love The Oatmeal too. That bird thing was a stitch. While there I came across How to Suck at Your Religion http://theoatmeal.com/comics/religion which I had not seen before. My Dog the Paradox http://theoatmeal.com/comics/dog_paradox is still the best. The Oatmeal is an awesome time suck while trapped at work on a Friday afternoon.

    335 chars

  16. Danny said on May 9, 2014 at 7:38 pm

    Man as usual to busy to hang out on blogsd, but since it is the weekend, I read this article by Tina Brown and was amazed at the how she still seemed to largely have her knives out for Monica in the BJ scandal. Two parties were responsible for that scandal…

    1. Bill Clinton
    2. The GOP

    Can’t believe that after all these years, Brown still has such a tremendous hard-on for Monica. I mean, she was a freakin’ lowly, young intern and he was the sophisticated, most powerful man in the world. End of story for crissakes! Plus, one rumor has it that Hillary approved the piece so as to get it out of the way well before 2016.

    Here’s the article, FYI:


    MichaelG, get well!

    781 chars

  17. Danny said on May 9, 2014 at 7:40 pm

    er “too” and “blogs”

    20 chars

  18. alex said on May 9, 2014 at 9:19 pm

    Monica didn’t make any money for being a whore the first time around. She won’t make the same mistake this time.

    112 chars

  19. LAMary said on May 9, 2014 at 10:34 pm

    I’ve got a friend who’s a recruiter for Google.

    47 chars

  20. Sherri said on May 9, 2014 at 10:55 pm

    I’ve got lots of friends who work at Google. They all joke about the “Google 15” – the 15 lbs you put on because of all the free food.

    134 chars

  21. MarkH said on May 10, 2014 at 12:18 am

    I read that Brown screed, too, Danny. I check into the Daily Beast, but Ms. Brown is so ’90s. Clearly Tina felt Monica wasn’t worthy and is thoroughly miffed that she herself wasn’t given the chance for a presidential scob. And, what’s a Clinton running for office without an accompanying conspiracy theory…

    309 chars

  22. Dexter said on May 10, 2014 at 3:28 am

    I guess this is real; a woman in Edmonton wigs out and attacks a dude on a train, and of course the cops hog-tie the man as he responds.

    182 chars