Until death do you part.

The other day I told Alan that if I opened a dog restaurant, I’d call it The Bowl. Or maybe just Bowl. More modern, that one. He replied that if he opened a dog restaurant, it’d be fine dining, and he’d call it Squirrel.

We will have been married 24 years in May, ladies and gentlemen. This is what we’ve been reduced to. Dog restaurants and complaining about the president.

What would a cat restaurant be called? Can Opener.

Doing better today, thanks. Got more sleep last night, for starters, and had a great swim this morning. My insomnia is worse than it’s been in a long time, and I’m not sure why. However, I do know that the first way you treat it is to get your shit right, your ducks in a row and just take better care of yourself. (A little melatonin can help, although it didn’t this week.) Do that before you call the doc for sleep meds. So, lentil soup for dinner, just one glass of wine, and all was better.

And then I woke up this morning and read all about Karen Pence, America’s second lady. He keeps a separate landline phone on his desk that only she has the number to. They exercised in the Indiana governor’s mansion on side-by-side treadmills (ugh, treadmills — go for a run outside, Pences!). And this startling detail:

In 2002, Mike Pence told the Hill that he never eats alone with a woman other than his wife and that he won’t attend events featuring alcohol without her by his side, either.

I recognize this as a cornerstone of the “marriage retreats” someone in Indiana was always throwing. The takeaway from these is always to concentrate more on one another, and avoid even the occasion of sin by not having separate lives beyond what is absolutely necessary. While on the one hand I understand the impulse — one of the few beliefs I hold in common with most evangelicals is to focus more on your marital relationship than your children — I don’t believe this python-like, wrapped-together model is healthy, either. As the great Esther Perel counsels, if you don’t get some distance, even just psychological distance, you will absolutely lose your fire. It’s a paradox, yes, but true.

And pro tip: If just sitting across a lunch table tempts you away from your marriage, man, you have more problems than I can advise you on.

Yesterday I told you about Dustin and the Olds, aka all his favorite bands, not one of which has an average age younger than Medicare eligibility. So enjoy this story about adjacent demi-celebrity Old wife that he passed along today:

Donna Betts, wife of founding member of the Allman Brothers Dickey Betts, was arrested after deputies claimed a video showed her standing on her dock, aiming a 30-30 Winchester rifle at a high school rowing crew threatening to shoot them.

What I found most alarming was the mugshot:

Ever since I started covering my gray hair with color, I knew the day would come when I would tip into Ronald Reagan territory, where the hair was such a mismatch with the face that it would be jarring. Every time I get a touchup, I ask my colorist: “Is it time to start transitioning to silver? Soon? Next year?” She always says no. I suspect she’s starting to fib a little. Hey, we can’t all be like Deborah with her icy-white fabulousness.

Back to brainstorming dog restaurant names. Or horses! How about Hay, Baby?

Posted at 6:28 pm in Current events, Same ol' same ol' |

97 responses to “Until death do you part.”

  1. David C. said on March 29, 2017 at 6:37 pm

    I’d call my cat restaurant “The Obligate Carnivore”.

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  2. alex said on March 29, 2017 at 7:02 pm

    No wonder Mike Pence is so deficient when it comes to candlepower. Poor man’s been suffering from severe hypoxia for several decades now. Even the Donald can only communicate with him through Mother. Sad!

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  3. Mark P said on March 29, 2017 at 7:19 pm

    Dog restaurant: Oh Boy! Dog food again! ( hat tip to Gary Larson). On the menu: “The best in farm-to-floor scraps.”

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  4. Dave said on March 29, 2017 at 7:37 pm

    Mrs. Betts is only 61, with a well lived-in look, and news reports here in Tampa Bay say she was intoxicated at the time. (Confessing I didn’t read your link). There have been ongoing battles between the school rowing team and the Betts couple.

    I don’t know about now but the Allman Brothers band ousted Dickey because of his severe drinking and erratic behavior. Guess you can only get away with that forever if your name is Allman but Gregg isn’t in the best of health and is giving up touring, I’ve read.

    A cat restaurant wouldn’t work Mouse into the name somehow?

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  5. alex said on March 29, 2017 at 7:56 pm

    Totally uninspired regarding dogs and cats, but how about a tavern for tropical fish? I’d call it Chums.

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  6. Heather said on March 29, 2017 at 9:54 pm

    There is a really good breakfast/lunch place in LA called Sqirl. No rodents on the menu though.

    One of my aunts is 75, and while I love her, I desperately want to tell her to swap the dark brown/black hair dye for at least a gentler light brown.

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  7. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on March 29, 2017 at 10:05 pm

    Feed Me.

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  8. alex said on March 29, 2017 at 10:29 pm

    Cheers for one curmudgeonly crank who sees things my way. His own way, really, but whatevs.

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  9. susan said on March 29, 2017 at 10:31 pm

    Nancy Pelosi needs a clew, also. She looks ridiculous.

    Cat restaurant: Barf-on-the-Rug
    Dog restaurant: Barf-on-the-Rug

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  10. brian stouder said on March 29, 2017 at 10:57 pm

    Italian cat restaurant: It’ll-Do

    That woman would look 2X or 3X better, if she didn’t do the silly lip-pursing thing

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  11. Deborah said on March 29, 2017 at 10:58 pm

    Aw shucks, Nancy, thanks. My hair started to turn white when I was in my late thirties going through a divorce. Right now I’m trying to figure out what to do with the length, meanwhile it just grows. I mostly wear it up in a clip or a scrunchee, when I wear it down it looks like Kelly Anne Conway’s hair so I don’t do that very often.

    The cat restaurant would have the same menu day after day after day, then it would abruptly change 5 times a day.

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  12. Deborah said on March 29, 2017 at 11:00 pm

    Mrs. Betts looks rode hard and put away wet.

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  13. Dave said on March 29, 2017 at 11:15 pm

    Only if you’re interested, tonight’s local news about Mrs. Betts: http://wfla.com/2017/03/29/wife-of-singer-dickey-betts-has-history-of-disrupting-events-with-guns/

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  14. Charlotte said on March 29, 2017 at 11:23 pm

    Growing my natural hair out, darker brown than I’ve seen in years, and with the grey … we’ll see when it’s grown out whether I keep it or not.

    And the Pences are why I thought, growing up, that marriage would kill me (I come from a long line of unhappy marriages on my mother’s side). Although from what I’ve read, Pence’s temptation is not other women …. but the older I get, the happier I am that Himself and I kept our separate houses and rotate between them on alternate(ish) nights. We met when we were older, we’re both oddballs, there’s no kids, and having a lot of room to breathe works for us (8 years last week).

    And this morning, drinking coffee in bed at his cabin, we watched a couple of hundred elk move up the side of Emigrant Peak. So, all good.

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  15. Rana said on March 29, 2017 at 11:52 pm

    I started going grey in my early 30s, so by my late 30s I was sick of dealing with roots and stuff, so just let it go. I’m lucky; stylists often compliment me on its color, as if I had anything to do with it. Currently I’ve got an undercut, which is one of those haircuts that looks crazy radical in the style photos, but is actually very practical.

    I still have a hankering for a wild streak of purple somewhere in there, though. I work for myself, I live in a big city, I’m old enough to not give a rat’s what other people think about my appearance, why not?

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  16. Sherri said on March 30, 2017 at 12:11 am

    No grey, my mom is in her late 70s and only has a little grey. I color my hair not to cover up grey, but because my hair is extremely straight and adding some color along with a good cut gives it at least the appearance of texture.

    Going in tomorrow for cut and color…

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  17. Sherri said on March 30, 2017 at 12:46 am

    So, VP My Pants and wife think that it’s super important to never expose yourself to temptation, yet it was no problem to run on a ticket with Grab ‘Em By The Pussy?

    The contortions good evangelicals like the Pences go through to convince themselves that they’re doing the right thing is truly impressive. trump apologized,to Karen Pence after the Access Hollywood tape? That’s nice, but how about apologizing to the women he actually assaulted?

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  18. ROGirl said on March 30, 2017 at 5:52 am

    Not ready to give up my Nice n Easy (switched from Loreal a few years ago). I started going gray in my 30’s, am probably about 100% by now.

    Does anyone else remember B. Kliban’s cat cartoons and the Mousies song about biting off their heads and eating their tiny feet?

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  19. ROGirl said on March 30, 2017 at 5:59 am


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  20. alex said on March 30, 2017 at 7:12 am

    This hangup about not eating with someone else’s spouse is definitely a real thing in fundie circles.

    When I was in college I had a summer internship at a small-town newspaper where most of the employees were provincial old farts. There was only one employee my age, a woman. I didn’t see anything wrong with asking her to join me for lunch, but the newsroom did. They were mortified. She was another man’s property. The publisher, fortunately, knew this was completely innocent and massaged things over, but those folks were primed to pick up their pitchforks.

    My other reminiscence of that time is of an old man in town, very red in the face, who kept popping up every time I was out working on a story, and I don’t think it was just coincidental. He was obsessed with the subject of homosexuality. “Where you going to school?” “IU.” “Aren’t there a lot of homosexuals there?” “I wouldn’t know.” “What are you studying?” “English.” “Isn’t that for homosexuals?” “Not particularly.” “What authors you studying?” “Chaucer, Yeats, ….” “Aren’t they homosexuals?”

    The more repressed, the more obsessed. I guessed.

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  21. Jolene said on March 30, 2017 at 7:46 am

    So, VP My Pants and wife think that it’s super important to never expose yourself to temptation, yet it was no problem to run on a ticket with Grab ‘Em By The Pussy?

    This kills me too. How do these people justify themselves? But as absurdity goes, nothing can top yesterday’s performance by Melania Trump, who, with all the fervor of a hostage video, spoke at a State Department honoring “Women of Courage” from all over the world.

    The Don, himself, gave a short speech celebrating the empowerment of women, at which he bragged about all the great women in his administration, which is, of course, mostly staffed by white men.

    What a world, what a world.

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  22. Suzanne said on March 30, 2017 at 7:49 am

    “The more repressed, the more obsessed. I guessed.” I think, yes.

    VP My Pants is such a strange, strange little man. Won’t meet with a woman not his wife but will stand in front of cameras and lie through his teeth for Pres. Pussygrab. Unreal.

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  23. Jolene said on March 30, 2017 at 8:11 am

    Here, by the way, are the biosof the women who were recognized yesterday. I wasn’t sure whether they were actually in the room, but, if they were, it must have been quite an experience for them. For people who have suffered and struggled in these ways to hear a speech from someone like Melania, well, as I say, quite an experience.

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  24. Suzanne said on March 30, 2017 at 8:11 am

    This from Twitter https://twitter.com/limericking/status/847185357972090882

    Mike Pence, an adult who is grown,
    Cannot sit with women alone.
    However, he can
    Stand by an old man
    Whose fondness for groping is known.

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  25. Andrea said on March 30, 2017 at 8:27 am

    Sorry to disagree with you, Nancy, but Esther Perel is a Kellyanne Conway-like figure who makes money off of being cute and saying provocative things. She is not ‘great.’ She believes that infidelity is a victimless crime, and that instead of judging, the wronged spouse should just change his or her perspective. I’ve posted about my own experience here before, so I won’t go into that now, but I will say that I cannot endorse Perel’s brand of gas lighting or let blanket –and unwarranted — praise of her by without comment.

    People who cheat usually have very many other options available to them. They just choose the one that is most convenient to them at the time, with no regard for what the impact will be on those around them. It is an act of supreme selfishness and should be judged. Even if a cheater is in an unhappy, sexless marriage (which my own certainly wasn’t!) they have the option of choosing to live with integrity. Always.

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  26. Marianne19 said on March 30, 2017 at 8:40 am

    Insomnia! What I know: Have a bedtime ritual that should include turning off screens at least a half hour before lights out; don’t stay in bed if you’re tossing and turning (my doctor said, “do something boring like dusting, but don’t read”);no alcohol after dinner and dinner should be a few hours before bedtime; step up your exercise but no exercise near bedtime; no naps; hot baths make you sleepy. I have read that Arianna Huffington has a book out about sleep, but have no first-hand knowledge of it. Good luck, I had a very bad bout in my early twenties, but got some professional help. Later, my new husband said, “you’re lucky to be one of those people who can get to sleep right away.”

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  27. Jim Sweeney said on March 30, 2017 at 8:41 am

    For horses . . . Feedbag (buffet, of course).

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  28. Mark P said on March 30, 2017 at 9:12 am

    ROGirl, I’m a dog person but I loved Kliban’s cat cartoons. I can give you that one verbatim without looking at the link.

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  29. Peter said on March 30, 2017 at 9:31 am

    Sorry for being late on this discussion, but Squirrel is genius. After a while, we never called for our dog by his name – we just yelled Squirrel and he’d show up in no time.

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  30. coozledad said on March 30, 2017 at 9:42 am

    If the feds really wiretapped Trump tower
    They’d have audio of hour after hour
    Of @realDonaldTrump massaging his stump
    To the “golden hordes” in his shower.


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  31. Mouse said on March 30, 2017 at 10:13 am

    Mouse’s Fine Feline Foods maybe?

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  32. Icarus said on March 30, 2017 at 10:14 am

    Cat restaurant: Dead or Alive
    Dog restaurant: Butt Scent

    my wife is having some wicked insomnia as of late.

    and I don’t know what to make of the whole won’t eat alone with another woman thing.

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  33. nancy said on March 30, 2017 at 10:19 am

    Unless I completely misunderstood Perel’s infidelity TED talk, she doesn’t call it a victimless crime at all. She says it’s not necessarily a fatal blow to a marriage, and goes a little into her theories of why even happily married people cheat.

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  34. 4dbirds said on March 30, 2017 at 10:53 am

    I am 62, a ginger with very little grey. I actually want to dye my hair blue/green/purple or something like that, professionally so it looks good, but from what I’m guessing from the comments, this would not be a good thing?

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  35. Peter said on March 30, 2017 at 11:16 am

    Icarus, I think Butt Scent would be a better name for a canine disco.

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  36. alex said on March 30, 2017 at 11:21 am

    An Italian dog restauraunt: Mangianus.

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  37. Suzanne said on March 30, 2017 at 11:31 am

    I have mixed feelings about those of us in the category of no-longer-spring-chickens getting our hair dyed pink, purple, etc. On the one hand, I think, why not? We are adults and can do what we want. On the other hand, when I see someone my age, which is middle age, I think, “Oh, grow up!”

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  38. Judybusy said on March 30, 2017 at 12:07 pm

    This Twitter feed was a funny response to some guy defending Never Eat with a Woman who’s not Your Wife.

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  39. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on March 30, 2017 at 12:08 pm

    I heard the Perel TED talk online, and I heard her saying that infidelity was a survivable injury to a marriage, but like any major load-bearing break, it would take some serious rehab to recover from (my words, not hers). I could see where the tone might have led someone feeling a bit more sensitive on the subject personally feel as if she was discounting the harm done, but I did hear it as more encouraging a couple, emphatically including the injured party, to consider the full set of possibilities moving forward.

    My wife and I don’t have a Pence rule, but I can say I’ve followed for thirty plus years the Graham rule, which I understand to be “I don’t close the door behind me on a room with a woman not my wife or mother.” My predecessor plus one in my pulpit left a wide path of broken glass that six years on (and twelve after the last of his incidents) I’m still occasionally sweeping up, but it’s a strong tug I find myself having to resist, the “can I speak to you privately” wish. I’ll speak one on one with women, but not with a door closed and/or with no one else in the building. And that’s pretty much a universal, so there’s no awkwardness about why with this woman and not with that one — unless you’re well past 80, it’s become known that I’ll guide us to the far end of the parlor or some other location where we can have privacy, but make sure there’s someone else in earshot.

    Candidly, I came up in the 70s and 80s hearing too many stories about accusations and implications, and I’ve had to clean up enough debris on a near-first-hand basis to know there are still wounded spots in many congregations around clergy and odd situations. I’m a terror on two-deep leadership with youth, and folks know not to press me on that (“oh, it’s fine if it’s you, go ahead and leave for the zoo with a van load of six youth even though the second adult backed out at the last minute…”). It’s an absolute for me, again so I can be clear and fair that it’s an absolute for anyone working with youth in our church.

    Having said all that, I think there’s a bit of overcompensation going on in what I read about the Pence’s, but the WaPo story doesn’t quite tell us what the story on her first marriage is. I have to gently remind spouses not infrequently that what is innocent and playful behavior for you and me is for your partner arm-waving that once turned into a backhand across the mouth for them, so you just have to learn how to hold your high spirits back, and so on. I’d cut her and them this much slack: if it’s a sore point from someone’s history, my own pastoral counsel would never be to tell her “oh, get over it, that’s not going to happen again.”

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  40. Sherri said on March 30, 2017 at 12:30 pm

    I think there is a difference in situation for a pastor, Jeff(tmmo), than just any man having dinner. I don’t necessarily agree with a blanket rule even for pastors, but a rule that treats women as the evil temptress rather than a colleague is very problematic in other fields.

    If no man had been willing to eat alone with me, or meet one on one with me privately, it would have put me at a disadvantage in my professional and community work. It reduces me to a bunch of reproductive organs, basically.

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  41. Deborah said on March 30, 2017 at 12:39 pm

    I’ve had meals alone with men before, lots of times, all related to work mostly, or male friends I made through work and still get together with for lunch or whatnot. My husband had/has plenty of meals alone with women, again mostly related to work. Nobody thinks anything of it. It sounds like Mrs. Pence may have trust issues with men, like she was cheated on in her previous marriage or something like that. Pure speculation on my part, of course. Pence is and was a handsome man (yes, pains me to say that since he’s such an asshole) and she isn’t particularly attractive. She looks just fine, don’t get me wrong, but she isn’t one you’d go out of your way to compliment in that way. So maybe she’s insecure about that? Who knows.

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  42. Sherri said on March 30, 2017 at 12:51 pm

    If women can’t get time alone with people in power, at a meal, over coffee, in a meeting, then it’s difficult to move up. You learn what’s needed to get to the next level, whether people think you are capable, what you need to do, what opportunities are there, usually in private conversation with someone higher up in the power structure. If you are a woman, you will have to meet with a man to do this, and if men deny this to you because of rules in their marriage, you lose a very important tool that men have.

    Before applying for the planning commission, for example, I met with three people to discuss it, two men and a woman, two who knew me my strengths and weaknesses well and one who could tell me about the workload and time commitment of serving on the commission. All of those meetings were private, over lunch or coffee, and critical to my decision to apply.

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  43. Bitter Scribe said on March 30, 2017 at 1:07 pm

    I don’t think Pence or men who think like him are afraid they can’t control themselves in the presence of other women. They think either the women will try to jump them or falsely accuse them of making a pass, because bitches be lyin’ sluts.

    As several other commenters have pointed out, this is just a stupid, sexist restriction that has the potential to be an annoyance, or worse, to women who are trying to work with men. It’s the same thinking that makes women in certain parts of the world have to wear veils.

    I would open a vegetarian restaurant for cats. And I would sic the ASPCA on anyone who tried to use it, on the ground that if you don’t know that cats can’t subsist on a vegetarian diet, you’re too stupid to own one.

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  44. Sherri said on March 30, 2017 at 1:10 pm

    If Karen Pence hasn’t gotten over the issues over her first marriage enough to not be able to trust her second husband after over 30 years, I’d suggest good therapy rather than rigid rules.

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  45. Heather said on March 30, 2017 at 1:11 pm

    I had an argument on Twitter with someone defending the Pence marriage comment–this woman was saying she didn’t want people gossiping and spreading rumors if they saw people who were married to others out together. I said that if I were always afraid of what others thought, I would never do anything, and also if I lived someplace where rumormongers and gossipers had so much power, or if those were my friends and neighbors, I’d move. We went around and around and then I looked at her profile and she was an anti-vaxxer, so not likely to respond to reason and logic.

    I’m not married, but I occasionally hang out with married male friends, and while rarely I might find one of them attractive, I would never do anything out of my respect for their wives, their relationship, and the institution of marriage.

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  46. Icarus said on March 30, 2017 at 1:12 pm

    @Judybusy t 38

    that isn’t some guy, that is the Right Wing Ken who really fires us his base. When a cop shoots a black guy, it’s “let’s wait until we have all the facts in” but when some kid in Oklahoma kills three intruders, it’s all “well that’s the end of the story” could not possible be any mitigating circumstances.

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  47. Sherri said on March 30, 2017 at 1:39 pm

    So many conservative positions, from this “no eating alone with a woman” to pro-life, dehumanize women. If you can’t think of a woman as a colleague or a friend, but only as a potential sexual partner, then you aren’t thinking of her as a whole human being. If you equate the rights and privileges and autonomy of an eight-cell embryo with those of a woman, then you aren’t treating the woman standing in front of you as a full-fledged human being.

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  48. Suzanne said on March 30, 2017 at 1:51 pm

    My husband won’t meet with a woman in an empty office by himself just because of the fear of being accused falsely; I would be uncomfortable to do the same with a man when there is no one around because if something happened, or I was accused of something, there would be no witnesses. But have lunch in a public place with someone of the opposite sex, or be at a party where there is alcohol without my husband? Why would that be bad? What does My Pants think would happen? Does he fear he’d get all likkered up and start groping women without Mother there to stop him?
    One thing evangelicals aren’t big on is manly self-control. It’s always the woman’s fault for being provocative.

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  49. coozledad said on March 30, 2017 at 1:51 pm

    How much clearer does it have to get that there was collusion?

    When you get down to Trump’s core of the core supporters, it won’t even even matter if they have video of him raping the thirteen year old. They’ll want it on pay per view.

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  50. coozledad said on March 30, 2017 at 1:53 pm

    Better link:

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  51. nancy said on March 30, 2017 at 1:57 pm

    I don’t think this is a Pence-y rule; I’ve heard versions of it for years, frequently on those better-marriage websites, and it really pisses me off. I *need* my relationships with my friends, male and female, and the thought of some Judgey McJudgerson implying I’m only there to flirt or get laid or whatever gets on my last nerve. Do I occasionally get a compliment from a male friend? Yes. Is that a bad thing? NO.

    Honestly, these people are always talking about the *joy* their religion brings them, but they all, to a person, sound miserable at heart. What is it they always say about liberals? That we can’t stand the thought of someone, somewhere, having fun? They should talk.

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  52. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on March 30, 2017 at 2:19 pm

    I’d suggest good therapy rather than rigid rules for a whole long list of people, Sherri. It’s good advice!

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  53. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on March 30, 2017 at 2:20 pm

    Nancy, that’s the Mencken line about Puritans, I thought.

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  54. Jolene said on March 30, 2017 at 2:20 pm

    Here is Ta-Nehisi Coates on the topic of avoiding temptation. His perspective is mainly about guarding against his iown mpulses.

    Based on a quote from the 2002 article in which Pence revealed his practices, that seems to be his motivation too.

    That last link is from one of three comments on this topic currently on The Atlantic’s website. See below for links to the others.

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  55. Jolene said on March 30, 2017 at 2:26 pm

    Both of the short articles linked below are good comments on the career-limiting effects of rules of the sort Pence relies on.



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  56. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on March 30, 2017 at 2:35 pm

    I’ve never heard of the “not dine alone with” part of the so-called Graham rule. I’ve read a bunch of his books and a bio, and all I saw — and what I affirm — is caution if not avoidance of closing a door to a room. And candidly, I have learned to be extremely cautious about *anyone* who is always coming up needing to “have a word with you privately” and making a big deal out of looking around, pulling the door shut, and so on.

    But I have one on one meals with all sorts of people. I guess it would be weird to ask for a private dining room, etc. (now THAT’S a throwback idea) with someone, but it’s never come up. There’s plenty of people in eyeshot, earshot if voices are raised, etc. So I’m not even sure what the deal with “a meal alone is,” unless you mean room service.

    There I think my wife would say “you’d better not be ordering room service with anyone but me, bud.”

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  57. Bitter Scribe said on March 30, 2017 at 2:52 pm

    Icarus @#46: I’m not sure what you mean by “mitigating circumstances” in the OK case. Those three kids broke into the house, wore masks and all-black clothes, and were armed with brass knuckles and a knife. It’s pretty clear why they were there. None of them AFAIK were shot in the back.

    But there is one thing about that case that bothers me a lot: Apparently they’re charging the young girl who drove the getaway car with “felony murder” because she took part in a crime where someone died.

    I can maybe see the felony murder concept in cases where a police officer or innocent victim gets killed, though even then I have misgivings. But to use it to charge someone in the death of an accomplice, at the hands of a cop or would-be victim? To me that makes NO sense whatsoever. That’s pure vindictiveness.

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  58. brian stouder said on March 30, 2017 at 3:28 pm

    So – speaking of ‘Until death do we part’ –

    at lunchtime today, I caught a darkly humorous news story about Vlad Putin, wherein he himself(!) denied meddling in the American election process, and then paraphrased “Ronald Reagan” by declaring (in Russian) “Read my lips – we didn’t interfere”…thereby misapplying the quote (GHW Bush made that statement regarding ‘new taxes’) and undermining his declaration (GHW Bush went on to impose ‘new taxes’ anyway, so the declaration was worthless!).

    Between Vlad the Inpaler and El-Trump-o, the world currently has a pair of completely clueless (and critically consequential) leaders of major powers

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  59. Sherri said on March 30, 2017 at 3:47 pm

    When I worked in tech, my boss was often a man. Certainly when it came to review time, I expected a private, one on one meeting with him, with the door closed. It was also not unusual for me to have one on one design meetings with a man in a room with a door closed, because design require a lot of talking, and that way we didn’t disturb everybody else trying to write code around us (this was in the days before open office spaces.) I acted like a professional, and he acted like a professional. As everyone knows, that’s not always the case, but since unprofessional, sexist behavior seems to have gotten worse in the intervening years, I don’t think the lack of closed doors are a solution.

    One of my pet peeves is that we always talk about holding students to high expectations and that doing so is good for them, that they will meet those high expectations. Then it seems we refuse to hold any expectations for certain people at all, other than the people we treat like children.

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  60. Jakash said on March 30, 2017 at 3:51 pm

    Can some of you swell folks help me out here? I saw this on Gene Weingarten’s twitter, but the problem escapes me. What causes the woman’s despair and why does the writer of this Post-Dispatch headline need to be fired?


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  61. brian stouder said on March 30, 2017 at 4:23 pm

    Jakash – as Dick Martin used to say to Dan Rowan (during their routine on spies meeting up and speaking in code to one another) – ‘they lost me at the bakery’ (at which point Rowan would say “But there WAS NO bakery!” – etc)

    I don’t see the problem with the headline – unless the criticism is that it implores the dead victim to ‘reach out’…dunno

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  62. Jolene said on March 30, 2017 at 4:23 pm

    Weingarten does not like the phrase “reach out to”. He explains his view here.

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  63. Deborah said on March 30, 2017 at 4:30 pm

    Jakash, I’m not sure, but it could be because it kind of makes it seem like it was the victim who was responsible for not reaching out previously? I Googled it and read the article, the headline was a quote from a policeman, don’t remember if it was a higher up in the force. Right after that quote, it goes on to explain that it’s not always easy to reach out for help.

    Domestic abuse is a huge, huge, complicated problem. I worked on a design project for a shelter for domestic violence, in St. Louis, coincidentally, the woman who ran the shelter told us a lot about the complications while we were getting basic info to help us with our design solution.

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  64. Christy said on March 30, 2017 at 4:43 pm

    ROGirl I not only remember the cartoon, I (or a sister) had the tshirt.
    “Oh I love to eat them mousies/mousies what I love to eat/bite the little heads off/nibble on they tiny feet” scans to the tune of the Oscar Meyer B-o-l-o-g-n-a jingle.

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  65. Kim said on March 30, 2017 at 4:58 pm

    I saw a perfect bumper sticker: Elect a clown. Expect a circus.

    For a dog restaurant: Wanna Eat? or Sit. Eat. Out.

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  66. Kirk said on March 30, 2017 at 5:00 pm

    Jeez, if Weingarten wants to fire someone for that headline, he’d want to commit suicide if he saw some of the heads I see damn near every day. “Reach out to” has become cliched, as he says, but it’s a quote from a cop and it fits the context of the story.

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  67. Jakash said on March 30, 2017 at 5:20 pm

    Thanks for the prompt replies, nn.cers! I guess Jolene has nailed it — and with a spot-on link, to boot. Well, ole GW is not one to shy away from hyperbole, that’s for sure. Since he noted in 2010 that “In the last half-year, the New York Times alone has used it more than 20 times,” the Post-Dispatch villain is at least in good company, and probably safe from actually being dispatched, I would assume… Of many, many problems I have with English usage these days (a number of which he referenced in that column), I wasn’t even aware of “reach out to” being an abomination. Nor does it really seem like one to me, alas.

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  68. Kirk said on March 30, 2017 at 5:46 pm


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  69. Judybusy said on March 30, 2017 at 6:45 pm

    Dog restaurant name: Treat!

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  70. Sherri said on March 30, 2017 at 7:30 pm

    Idea for everyone’s cat restaurant: https://mobile.twitter.com/dorseyshaw/status/847563000869523458

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  71. Sherri said on March 30, 2017 at 7:54 pm

    Since we can all multi-task here concerning the multitudinous ways the trump administration is awful, let’s take a quick look back over to the Russia scandal and Devin Nunes, where Burton Gellman has some interesting questions: https://tcf.org/content/commentary/trump-white-house-spying-fbi/

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  72. Deborah said on March 30, 2017 at 8:12 pm

    Meanwhile Pence broke a tie to pass Title X. Of course he did. Asshole.

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  73. David C. said on March 30, 2017 at 8:20 pm

    The next revelation on the Pence marriage is that they have twin beds and keep one foot on the floor at all times.

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  74. Suzanne said on March 30, 2017 at 9:13 pm

    Flynn may be flipping. Let’s hope he takes MyPants down with him. The was an article about it in the WSJ online. The comments were amazing. Very much of the “there is something rotten in Denmark” variety, which surprised me.

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  75. LAMary said on March 30, 2017 at 11:05 pm

    One of the desserts at the dog restaurant would be what we call doggy almond roca.

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  76. Rana said on March 30, 2017 at 11:30 pm

    ROGirl, I used to have that one on a t-shirt when I was a kid. Man, was I sad when I finally outgrew it.

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  77. Rana said on March 30, 2017 at 11:37 pm

    LAMary – ew. I know exactly what you mean. Dogs, man. Walking garbage bins they are.

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  78. ROGirl said on March 31, 2017 at 5:48 am

    Diners at the Treat restaurant?


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  79. Sherri said on March 31, 2017 at 1:05 pm

    The former editor in chief at the Observer shares her perspective on why Kushner won’t be effective at reinventing government.


    But I would like to be a fly on the wall when Kushner expresses his feelings to Tim Cook about the Macintosh operating system.

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  80. Danny said on March 31, 2017 at 1:57 pm

    I see these two headlines on Drudge today:

    WIKI STRIKES AGAIN: CIA computer code hides origins of its hacking…
    Disguises as Russian, Chinese…

    And I think the headline, which is not news, should be, “Spies Do Sneaky Stuff”

    Thanks, Captain Obvious. No Shit, Sherlock.

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  81. Sherri said on March 31, 2017 at 2:28 pm

    I would imagine that Drudge is trying to claim a false flag operation, that it was really the CIA hacking the DNC rather than Russia, so trump didn’t have any collusion with Russia. There’s a lot of shit being thrown around trying to distract from all the ties to Russia, but damn, there are a lot of them.

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  82. Danny said on March 31, 2017 at 2:33 pm

    Yeah, I get what he’s doing, but man, it is absolutely true that this stuff happens. Look at Stuxnet.

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  83. brian stouder said on March 31, 2017 at 2:57 pm

    …and Vlad’s clumsy denials yesterday really didn’t help!

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  84. coozledad said on March 31, 2017 at 4:52 pm

    Pussygrabber pissing on his own face again.


    And how dare us libs besmirch Putin. Him big strong white fella Republicans wanna bone.
    The CIA is obviously behind trying to tear down his uric acid satrap by monitoring his conversations with his fellow criminals. It just ain’t fair.

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  85. coozledad said on March 31, 2017 at 4:58 pm

    Hahaha. Trump trash don’t even know where the next fire is going to spring up. So they’re going after the cops.

    Every member of this administration is a fucking traitor. Whiny-ass traitors, too.

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  86. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on March 31, 2017 at 6:25 pm

    A good comparison between Coates’ take and Pence is part of this article, which I appreciated.


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  87. Sherri said on March 31, 2017 at 6:38 pm

    Personally, I have the same reaction to Coates and Pence. Coates may be far more progressive than Pence, and I respect their desire to maintain their fidelity to their marriages, but in both cases, they are failing to recognize women as colleagues. As I’ve said, it is a significant hindrance to women to be treated differently than male colleagues in this regard.

    Pence’s stance was not new or unusual to me. He’s not a freak show to me; I’ve known about the Billy Graham rule for forever. It’s just another way that some men don’t notice how they diminish women.

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  88. Charlotte said on March 31, 2017 at 7:22 pm

    What Sherri said @87!

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  89. Deborah said on March 31, 2017 at 8:35 pm

    “It’s just another way that some men don’t notice how they diminish women.” so true.

    Here’s something weird I’ve noticed since I’ve been back in Chicago: I’ll be walking down the street and someone will pass and there’s an overwhelming smell of pot. It’s weird because the person who walks by is usually just a random person, not a counterculture type or anything. I’ve noticed all ages, ethnicities, socioeconomic demographic. I have no idea if Illinois allows medical marijuana. It isn’t something I ever noticed before. Maybe it’s because Little Bird did some research relatively recently that I was privy to and therefore reminded of the smell or what?

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  90. Suzanne said on March 31, 2017 at 8:42 pm

    With both Coates and My Pants, it seems to me that at the end of the day, they both are saying they can’t trust themselves to control themselves near a woman who is not their wife. And that bothers me.
    But, I am not a guy, so maybe there is something I just don’t get about the male psyche.

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  91. susan said on March 31, 2017 at 8:54 pm

    Suzanne, the male brain. That’s what.

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  92. Suzanne said on March 31, 2017 at 10:06 pm

    Susan, LOL!!!

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  93. Rana said on April 1, 2017 at 12:04 am

    Deborah – it must be at least somewhat legal, because there’s a dispensary a quarter mile up the road from us.

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  94. Sherri said on April 1, 2017 at 2:05 am

    Am employment lawyer offers a take on the Pence no gurlz allowed at dinner rule: http://www.vox.com/the-big-idea/2017/3/31/15132730/pence-women-alone-rule-graham-discrimination

    It. Diminishes. Women. I believe in fidelity in my marriage, too, and have been married 29 years, and I would never ask my husband not to dine alone with another woman. I want him to mentor women at work, to treat them as friends and colleagues. He has women who report to him, and women who are peers. I expect him to treat those women as he would the men he works with, with respect.

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  95. alex said on April 1, 2017 at 10:26 am

    Deborah, you probably just didn’t notice before until you became familiar with the smell. A lot of people take their pot habit outside, especially in hi-rise neighborhoods. I didn’t get a clue until one time when I smoked a doob and some guests got off the elevator and told me they smelled it emanating from my condo and permeating the entire hallway.

    Some of my friends were out smoking one night when a young cop came up to them, smashed their paraphernalia and seized their bag of weed. They were in front of a school. The cop told them they could face increased penalties for possessing drugs in front of a school (never mind it was late at night and there was no intent to sell to children). He looked at their IDs and saw they were in their forties and said “What are you old fucks doing out here with this? Why aren’t you doing this at home?” He kept the pot and let them go.

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  96. basset said on April 1, 2017 at 10:52 am

    Got in at two this morning from a week in London and Liverpool, fourteen hours door to door from the hotel to home. Songs and stories to come… obligatory Beatles reference there…

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  97. Don Siedenburg said on May 20, 2017 at 5:56 pm

    Michael Pence says smoking will not kill you! However, he
    received a $100,000.00 gift from the tobacco industry to say that!

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