Two blondes, parted in the middle.

I have about 15 minutes to write this, so hey — expect typos.

Today’s Interesting Juxtaposition comes as the NYT magazine looks at the strange story of Goop, aka Gwyneth Paltrow’s “wellness” business that peddles not just incredibly overpriced creams and potions, but actual quackery, some of it harmless, some less so:

A gynecologist and obstetrician in San Francisco named Jen Gunter, who also writes a column on reproductive health for The Times, has criticized Goop in about 30 blog posts on her website since 2015. A post she wrote last May — an open letter that she signed on behalf of “Science” — generated more than 800,000 page views. She was angry about all the bad advice she had seen from Goop in the last few years. She was angry that her own patients were worried they’d given themselves breast cancer by wearing underwire bras, thanks to an article by an osteopath who cited a much-debunked book published in 1995. Gunter cited many of Goop’s greatest hits: “Tampons are not vaginal death sticks, vegetables with lectins are not killing us, vaginas don’t need steaming, Epstein Barr virus (E.B.V.) does not cause every thyroid disease and for [expletive] sake no one needs to know their latex farmer; what they need to know is that the only thing between them and H.I.V. or gonorrhea is a few millimeters of latex, so glove that [expletive] up.”

That is but one moment in a long, extremely entertaining read. But it gets to the heart of my complaint with Gwynnie. And then there’s the other blonde grifter:

In public interviews, Ivanka’s been a master of careful excellence, the artful dodge, the well-phrased nothing. As for her influence: She’s said only that if she disagrees with her father, it’s expressed privately and “with total candor.” …But the biggest question surrounding Ivanka has always been this one: How much of her identity is about herself? Her own name, her own brand, her own legacy? And how much of her identity is tied up in being her father’s daughter?

Actually, that last one’s not a hard question to answer at all: 100 percent. Ivanka’s clothes are basic career dressing — sheath dresses, skirts and blouses. She no more “designs” them than I do. If you click through, note the photo down low in the story, of Ivanka photographed in profile, hair in a bun, chin resting on a knuckle, as posiest a pose as was ever posed. Her fembot brain said, “Camera! Look thoughtful!” and that’s the first one that popped up. There isn’t an authentic bone in her body, or if there is, we haven’t seen it yet.

That both these pieces are about privilege, white/blonde/rich/genetic lottery privilege, goes without saying. That both these women lead (or led) “aspirational” companies is kinda depressing. Here’s my aspiration: To live long enough to see Ivanka become her mother, and all that implies — two more marriages, children grown into disappointments, face puffed with fillers and, of course, a “signature” hairdo. Straight and forever blonde, parted in the middle.

Fifteen minutes is up, and I have to shower and get to work. Sorry I’ve been scarce. Next week will be worse, at least until Wednesday. Try to get by without me.

Posted at 8:24 am in Popculch |

30 responses to “Two blondes, parted in the middle.”

  1. Icarus said on July 27, 2018 at 10:00 am

    I just figured Ivanka ended her clothing line to focus on a new one: Red Handmaid’s dresses

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  2. alex said on July 27, 2018 at 10:12 am

    Wish it were Gwyneth and Ivanka’s fifteen minutes that were up.

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  3. Jeff Borden said on July 27, 2018 at 11:04 am

    I’d certainly add Oprah Winfrey to your list, though she obviously is neither white nor born into wealth. She has championed slick witch doctors from Doctor Oz to Doctor Phil, using her enormous fame and audience to launch their television careers. And her exhortations to “live your best life” from her vantage point as a billionaire is more than a little rich. Yes, she is an amazing American success story. No, that doesn’t make her a goddess.

    Regarding the hellspawn of the Orange King, isn’t it safe to assume that Ivanka, Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber were raised primarily by a corps of nannies and family retainers? Our fearless leader has bragged more than once that he never changed a diaper in his life. Ivana’s “book” revealed he was wary of naming Donald Jr. after himself because the kid might turn out to be “a loser.” He must have been a very remote father figure until they hit adulthood and entered the family con game.

    BTW, check out the stories of Tweedledumb’s newest lady, Kimberly Guilfoyle, lately of Faux News and sometimes mentioned as a possible successor to Sarah Huckabee Sanders. While she claims to have resigned from Faux to work for the non-profit supporting the Orange King’s policies, there are reports she was asked to leave for sharing photographs of naked men and urging her audience to guess whose dick that is and, of course, for being mean, difficult and rude to makeup and hair people backstage. Clearly, the Faux culture of sneering sexual abuse isn’t limited to Roger Ailes, Bill Shine, Bill O’Reilly, Eric Bolling,

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  4. Bitter Scribe said on July 27, 2018 at 11:08 am

    I don’t have the time or the stomach to read that Times article, but…”latex farmer”? WTF? That OB/GYN just made that up for poetic effect, right? I mean no one could possibly believe that’s a real thing, could they?

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  5. alex said on July 27, 2018 at 11:50 am

    Clearly, the Faux culture of sneering sexual abuse isn’t limited to Roger Ailes, Bill Shine, Bill O’Reilly, Eric Bolling, et al.

    Au contraire, mon frere. In the Fox milieu a woman’s supposed to know her place.

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  6. beb said on July 27, 2018 at 12:18 pm

    Are we living in the age of maximum grift? It seems that way.

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  7. Sherri said on July 27, 2018 at 1:32 pm

    I have my second powerlifting meet tomorrow, and I’m a little stressed right now. One, it’s my second, so, expectations! I have a target I want to hit. Two, I’ve been dealing with a cranky back that I tweaked about 6 weeks ago that impacted my training, and still isn’t quite 100%. Three, my usual weight is a few pounds above my weight class, so I have to cut weight for the meet, and that’s always A little worrying right up until the point I weigh in. Plus, I don’t lift until tomorrow afternoon, so weighins for my session don’t start until noon, so that’s a long hungry morning! And four, because of childcare issues, my coach won’t be able to get there until right before checkin, and the meet is in Tacoma.

    And this is what I do to relieve stress in my life 🙂

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  8. Joe Kobiela said on July 27, 2018 at 1:59 pm

    Totally off topic, but currently over Cuba at 25000ft heading to the Cayman islands, weird to think not to long ago I would have gotten shot down.
    Good luck Sherri
    Pilot Joe

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  9. Scout said on July 27, 2018 at 2:18 pm

    I L’ed OL at: “With assaults coming from all sides, Goop began to dig its heels into the dirt, not only because dirt is a natural exfoliant and also contains selenium, which is a mineral many of us are lacking and helps with thyroid function.”

    This article gives a humorous view into airy fairy wellness culture, skewering some of its most silly aspects. G.P. herself comes out somewhere in the middle between being a good business person and a kook. Well written, and the last few paragraphs were hilarious.

    As for Ivanka, I’m not inclined to feel in the least bit charitable toward her grift. It is my fervent hope that the entire Trump brand is as popular as black mold by the end of this national nightmare.

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  10. David C. said on July 27, 2018 at 3:09 pm

    Ivanka is no more important in the scheme of things than Donald’s gold White House curtains. Same function, same IQ. It’s Mr. Ivanka who is a danger to us all. His IQ is lower than the curtains, but high enough to listen to the intelligence briefings and pass them along to anybody he thinks will bail-out him and his family’s real estate business. I’m sure Robert Mueller has more than a file cabinet’s worth on him, but the way these things work, he’ll be indicted toward the end. Who knows what damage he can do by then.

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  11. Gretchen said on July 28, 2018 at 8:59 am

    Ivanka doesn’t even come by the blonde beauty naturally. Her hair is bleached from dark brown – see Don Jr. – and she’s had a bit of plastic surgery to meet daddy’s expectations. Ick.

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  12. Gretchen said on July 28, 2018 at 9:10 am

    I saw a sad picture of Ivanka at about age 6. They were already bleaching her naturally very dark hair. Way to tell a little kid that your real self is not ok.

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  13. Linda said on July 28, 2018 at 2:02 pm

    Yeah, let’s hear it for being a rich skinny blond chick born on 3rd base. More on Ivanka:

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  14. brian stouder said on July 28, 2018 at 5:38 pm

    Well, lemme just say this much, for the one Trump who I can honestly say I admire – Melania.

    She has poise and grace as abundantly as her beauty, and – from this distance – she rarely ever makes the news (that “I don’t care” jacket to the contrary notwithstanding!).

    I’d guess she never asked for this First Lady gig, nor for a place in US history, and would have been perfectly content to live the high-life without notoriety, contrary to one of Hillary’s Main Sins – according to the right-wing fever-swamps…HRC publicly campaigned [rightly, imo!] on the proposition that she could do every bit as good a job as president – if not better! – than her husband or any other man.

    A total non-sequitur: we live in near-northwest Fort Wayne (in the shadow of channel-15’s tower), and a Huey Helicopter has made at least a dozen circuits up and over the neighborhood. Apparently a car-club is having an event over by Jefferson Blvd (near the Lindenwood cemetery main-gate, at whatever park that is) – and the “HUP-PUP-PUP-PUP-PUP” of the thing is unmistakable at this distance – which makes me wonder how the residents in the West Main Street area are dealing with it!

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  15. Dexter Friend said on July 28, 2018 at 5:40 pm

    Les Moonves. Jesus Christ, if they can get to him, they can get to Trump. A guy’d think so anyway. Moonves is a giant, a real tycoon type. I just wonder if #metoo can topple this king of kings. This “play or you’re finished” gimmick is so fucking wrong, right? But Charlie Rose was a raggedy pigeon and Moonves is the King American Eagle by comparison. Fuck. This merits attention, this is as big or bigger than Harvey Weinstein, because Moonves rules CBS and so, network TV.

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  16. Dexter Friend said on July 28, 2018 at 7:49 pm

    I am posting this for oldtime Hollywood fans, fans of TCM, and for voyeurs and the curious… some of this stuff sorta shocked me, most I already knew of:

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  17. alex said on July 28, 2018 at 9:56 pm

    Just finished the New Yorker story on Moonves by Ronan Farrow and it would appear that he’s one shameless piece of shit.

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  18. Deborah said on July 28, 2018 at 10:56 pm

    Well Brian, you’re a better person than me. I don’t share your respect for Melania. I see her as a typical shameless gold digger. Obviously she found herself in an undesirable position for her as First Lady. Sometimes I almost feel sorry for her but then, nah, she married the creep.

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  19. Sherri said on July 29, 2018 at 12:08 am

    Everything went well today! I made weight, I hit my goals, and I won my age/weight class. Now a break from competing to let my body recover and to drop down 5 lbs and train at that weight so I don’t have to go through the stress of making weight for a meet!

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  20. Dexter Friend said on July 29, 2018 at 1:50 am

    sherri, good job. When I was a kid 50 + years ago, weight training for baseball players was verboten. I think footballers practiced more on finesse, footwork and such. I don’t know when the whole thing flipped, but now all big league stadiums have workout rooms and elaborate weight-training set-ups. But back in 1966, I remember watching when our high school baseball coach screamed at our catcher when he caught him lifting free weights. The thought was muscles would tighten up and prevent fluid motions to throw out those base stealers. Somewhere down the line the kinesiologists won out.

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  21. ROGirl said on July 29, 2018 at 7:50 am

    It’s hard to muster any sympathy for the accidental first lady. She’s not her husband, but she latched onto the ultimate sugar daddy and certainly wasn’t naive about the price she would have to pay for being part of his life.

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  22. nancy said on July 29, 2018 at 7:59 am

    Zero respect here, too. She’s a highly paid sex worker, and from available evidence, isn’t working too hard these days.

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  23. alex said on July 29, 2018 at 9:08 am

    Trump doubtless misrepresented his wealth to her. There’s no amount of money in the world that could fairly compensate anyone for having to suffer his verbal and mental abuse 24/7 let alone the horridly unpleasant job of fucking him. The prostitutes have it relatively easy.

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  24. David C. said on July 29, 2018 at 10:07 am

    Why would she want her son to grow up around that emotionally stunted shitbag? Whatever kind of pre-nup she has, it seems like he’d have a hard time enforcing any of it right now. This would then be the most financially advantageous time to leave. When he gets done for money laundering, he isn’t going to get to keep the money if there’s anything left. I suspect he’s probably worth less than I am. He has a pile of debt and a bank that’s under as much legal jeopardy as he is so keeps loaning him money hoping to keep kicking the can down the road. She might as well grab some now before it’s gone.

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  25. brian stouder said on July 29, 2018 at 11:31 am

    David – I dunno; our neo-Nazi president (“Good people on both sides”, etc) is like a Deutsche Bank-Dirty Bomb; those krauts will probably take good care of Mrs Trump, to ensure her silence (even if her dirt-bag husband will not – or cannot!).

    This seems to be the Trumpian/grifter business model, to judge by how they dispose of all the other women with stories to tell.

    Hell, they coulda’ rented Cohen’s silence for a few more months (at least through the election cycle) – but the rule seems to be that you only pay off the pretty women who you use/take advantage of, and not the dopey men-folk

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  26. Bitter Scribe said on July 29, 2018 at 11:49 am

    If you want to be depressed, read Neil Steinberg’s recent columns on Trump’s appearance in Granite City, Ill. (“not incidentally, about as far from Chicago as he can get and still be within the state”). He spoke with some soybean farmers who are getting slammed hard by Trump’s idiotic trade tantrums—and they still support him! All is forgiven because “he’s a businessman.”

    Jesus Christ on a cracker, this is beyond pathetic. Obama gets excoriated for making health insurance affordable, while Trump’s victims praise him for blowing up the economy.

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  27. Jakash said on July 29, 2018 at 12:06 pm

    Yeah, when I read Brian’s comment @14, I was just gonna say “Wow.” Surprising. “she rarely ever makes the news” except for that one time when she clearly chose to own the libs in about the most obnoxious way possible. But Nancy’s concise, understated appraisal @ 22 seems to pretty much cover it.

    Well, our buddy Neil Steinberg, last heard about here in Mr. Borden’s July 26 comment at the end of the previous thread, made his report from Granite City in the Sun-Times Friday, and he should be put in a time-out with Brian, IMHO. ; )

    Basking in the glow reflected from the steel-workers’ orange jackets, he wrote a column that, also IMHO, was the journalistic equivalent of Jimmy Fallon mussing the dotard’s hair on the tee-vee.

    “But hearing him, I better understood his appeal. He has a vulnerable charm, at times a humanity.” … Trump said: “I could be one of you. I like you guys. I could be one of you.” About which, Neil opines: “That struck me as either sincere or an amazing facsimile. The workers, for their part, couldn’t give him a standing ovation because they never sat down.”

    Personally, I don’t need to travel to southern Illinois to realize that Hair Furor says a lot of things that a lot of people like to hear. Neil writing what’s essentially a puff-piece about those who actually *have* benefited from one of Dolt 45’s dangerously ill-considered policies was a surprise and disappointment, needless to say. Meanwhile this piece was ballyhooed on the front page of the Sun-Times with a photo of Trump and the screaming headline “The Man of Steel” and a tease noting that the rally “leaves Neil Steinberg believing Trump re-election in 2020 is a lock.” Sheesh! My kingdom for one of the NY Daily News headline writers! I surely hope he’s deluding himself, softened up by southern-style hospitality and locally-made pie, but who knows? What’s absolutely certain is that the outcome of the election will *not* be determined by the votes of downstate Illinois steel-workers, however.

    Oh, I see that Bitter Scribe has beaten me to the punch on referring to Neil’s recent excursion. Gonna just leave my comment the way it is, anyway…

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  28. Deborah said on July 29, 2018 at 1:20 pm

    You have to admit Trump has charisma, but so do many dictators, that’s part of how they get power. Only a part of how they get power though, the other ways are despicable.

    Northern Illinois is certainly green, have been enjoying that, and the midwest hospitality. Tomorrow morning we go to Chicago where I have a million things to do and only one full day to do them. We leave for our return trip to NM early Weds morning. When we are done with this trip we’ve calculated that we will have been in 13 different states, some only a tiny corner like Arizona and Kansas, but still…

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  29. Suzanne said on July 29, 2018 at 5:26 pm

    I see no charm in Trump. None. When he starts spewing his word salad bs about everything is the best, you people are the greatest, you are being screwed by the elites, and that disgusting sneer, I can never figure out what people see in him. At all.

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