Hands where we can see ’em.

I wasn’t going to say anything about Jeffrey Toobin. What’s the point? The news broke 48 hours ago. (I think, anyway. It might have been two weeks, or 10 years.) Everything that needed to be said has been said. All the jokes, made. All the takes, aired. Besides, I was feeling gloomy. I generally like Toobin’s work; he’s the contemporary historian that Bob Woodward should be, and as CNN talking heads go, he’s brighter and more accessible than most. I’ll miss him, at least a little.

Then the Rudy Giuliani news broke this afternoon, and all I can think is this:

When does it end? Do men actually die holding onto their cocks, hoping to wring one more thrill out of the little devil? I say this out of bewilderment, not exasperation. I like and appreciate men; they’re spectacular creatures, and I count many among my friends, but I will never not be astonished by their ability to, as Ashley Morris once said, follow their dicks to places they wouldn’t go with a gun.

Toobin is 60. Giuliani is 76. I didn’t think erections even arrived that easily for septuagenarians. (Maybe that’s what he was trying to get started when he stuck his hand down his pants. Or maybe he was just scratching his junk. Or maybe, in the old game said to be played by Christopher Hitchens, you can replace “heart” in any title, expression or what-have-you with the word “dick” and get a far more accurate statement:
The dick wants what it wants. The dick is a lonely hunter. Everybody’s got a hungry dick. And so on.


I’m cleaning closets this week. It’s emotional work, finding caches of old photos and letters. Emotional work is exhausting work, of course. I’m trying to get a post thought out in my head, but this is what you get for now.

Bloggage: The U.S. duck stamp, a competition for artists, has a new requirement this year:

The paintings submitted for this year’s federal duck stamp contest feature familiar images of wildlife art: A Cinnamon Teal bobs on a mountain lake. Two Brant tuck in to land in coastal chop. A placid pair of Red-breasted Mergansers float side by side, their jaunty crests aglow in early morning light.

But a closer look at the contest entries reveals other, less expected details. In scene after scene, wooden duck calls—which hunters use to lure in the birds—drift along the water or rest in the reeds. In several others, empty plastic shotgun shells litter the shallows and the shore.

This unusual abundance of hunting paraphernalia is the result of the Trump administration’s recent rewrite of the rules for the annual competition sponsored by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service (FWS). Unrelated to the Postal Service, the federal duck stamp is a permit required for hunting waterfowl. Each year’s contest determines the winning art that appears on the following year’s stamp. In May, the FWS changed the competition’s rules to make its permanent theme “celebrating our waterfowl hunting heritage.” And it added a requirement that all submitted artworks “must also include appropriate waterfowl hunting-related accessories or elements.”

Ai-yi-yi, this country.

Posted at 4:36 pm in Current events |

113 responses to “Hands where we can see ’em.”

  1. brian stouder said on October 21, 2020 at 4:48 pm

    We got a new storage shed, and have been moving/re-allocating the odds and ends that filled the old one (and the garage) over the past quarter century, and I’ve come across some old Telling Tales clippings (actual ‘clippings’, I should add, for the younger amongst us) that got me laughing.

    Anyway, I’ve obviously missed the Toobin story…. but I bet that surname will lend itself to whatever the story is….

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  2. Heather said on October 21, 2020 at 5:04 pm

    Some wag on Twitter suggested that maybe Viagra was a really bad idea.

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  3. Julie Robinson said on October 21, 2020 at 5:22 pm

    Well, since I’m not a guy I really can’t say. But I do remember the hand going there as soon as the diaper was off, some 30 odd years ago. So, I guess it feels really good?

    We got a third quote on car insurance and it was much better, with lower deductibles, so we’ve made our decision. And after two hours on the phone we have an appointment at the Tax Collector’s Office (that’s what they call the BMV in Florida) to title and license the car there, plus my husband will get his FL driver’s license too. We had to keep redialing, because they didn’t have a way to hold or leave a message. We had tried to make the appointment online, but to enter the portal you had to have a Florida license number. It was kind of an ordeal.

    After that I went over to my mom’s to help her with her absentee ballot. She’s had it for three weeks but when she finally decided to fill it out, she had lost the candidate sheet that told you which number oval to fill out for which person. After searching through piles of paper, which I am just itching to organize, I called the Election Board and they were nice enough to mail another one.

    On my way home I spent 15 minutes helping a neighbor chase down her dog. She’s in a motorized wheelchair and she takes her dog for walks on a long lease. This time she didn’t put the leash on before they went outside, and the dog was frolicking around and having a good old time. I don’t know that I really helped, but she was very appreciative.

    Then our next door neighbor caught me as I was going inside with a question, and that was another half hour. If it wasn’t for Covid, I could spend all my time going from apartment to apartment, just listening to stories. There are so many lonely people here. Cue Eleanor Rigby.

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  4. basset said on October 21, 2020 at 6:19 pm

    Where does this end? Every day brings something even more ridiculous, how is it going to stop? Will we even recognize normality if any part of it returns?

    Meanwhile, trying for a few non-stressful minutes, the canning adventure continues. Had some chili going in our old, cracked slow cooker when the ceramic inner pot started leaking onto the heating element… turned it off, went to Walmart and bought our first Instant Pot.

    Please discuss and advise as appropriate, we have successfully boiled water and gotten the pot to pressurize so that’s a start.

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  5. Suzanne said on October 21, 2020 at 6:38 pm

    I am trying desperately, with no success, to figure out how one accidentally whips it out. Pants don’t unzip themselves, or at least mine never have.
    It seems so not difficult; when working, keep pants on, private parts private. Even on Zoom.

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  6. Deborah said on October 21, 2020 at 8:38 pm

    Toobin had an earlier scandle when he got a woman pregnant after having an affair with her for ten years, he was married to someone else, don’t know if he still is after this latest event. He also went to a sex club with Roger Stone and wrote about it in the New Yorker. I’ve always liked his work though.

    Rudy Guilliani makes me sick, always has. My husband met him once when he was working on a master plan for Javitts Center. My husband said he was a big blowhard who loved to ride around the city self importantly in his big black vehicle flanked by his henchmen.

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  7. Sherri said on October 21, 2020 at 9:21 pm

    Toobin got the daughter of a colleague pregnant, denied paternity, tried to pressure her into an abortion, and refused to pay child support.

    There was also a story about sexual harassment that came out during the child support court case.

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  8. alex said on October 21, 2020 at 10:15 pm

    Well, since I’m not a guy I really can’t say. But I do remember the hand going there as soon as the diaper was off, some 30 odd years ago. So, I guess it feels really good?

    Julie for the win.

    The hand still goes there even when you’re on three antihypertensives and four diabetic meds and have zero libido.

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  9. john (not mccain) said on October 21, 2020 at 11:11 pm

    Wisdom from Game of Thrones:

    [the castle is surrounded by Daenerys Targaryen’s Unsullied Army, which is laying siege to the city. Bronn surveys the Unsullied legions below]

    Bronn : Men without cocks. You wouldn’t find me fighting in an army if I had no cock. What’s left to fight for?

    Jaime Lannister : Gold?

    Bronn : I spend my life around soldiers. What do you think they spend that gold on?

    Jaime Lannister : Family.

    Bronn : Not without a cock, you don’t.

    Jaime Lannister : Maybe it really is all cocks in the end.

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  10. Deborah said on October 21, 2020 at 11:49 pm

    We just watched the Netflix movie “Wasp Network” about Cuban spies. It was good except about three quarters through, the English subtitles disappeared and we couldn’t figure out how to get them back on. After fiddling around we finally had to put descriptive audio on, which is probably meant for the sight impaired. It was weird but we did make it to the end of the movie knowing what happened. It’s a true story, too complicated to describe here. It was directed by a French guy that we like, Olivier Assayas, he also directed “The Clouds of Sils Maria”.

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  11. Dexter Friend said on October 22, 2020 at 1:21 am

    L.O.D. just made a glaring error. Oh…that’s Lawrence O’Donnell. He was mentioning just how much can happen in a 13 day period, like we are facing until we flush the giant pile…well, L.O.D. said “the entire Cuban Missile Crisis OF 1963 began and concluded in 13 days…”.

    To us that were fucking terrified back then, we do not ever forget it was in October, 1962 when Miami, Florida, and other unclearly defined cities were so close to being nuked and leveled. Here’s the Wiki leader:
    The Cuban Missile Crisis of October 1962 was a direct and dangerous confrontation between the United States and the Soviet Union during the Cold War and was the moment when the two superpowers came closest to nuclear conflict.

    Lori called but was in pain and just checked in for a minute, telling me she was going in for a CAT scan. Later, after, she called her mom to report another surgery in imminent, as things are not good. When a person is on a morphine drip and is still in agonizing pain, all we can do is hope and pray. Carla Lee, my wife, is distraught also. A time to worry.

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  12. ROGirl said on October 22, 2020 at 5:54 am

    He couldn’t wait until his work Zoom meeting was over before playing with himself for a video sex call?

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  13. alex said on October 22, 2020 at 7:09 am

    Dex, I’ll be sending good thoughts your way.

    Basset, I haven’t used my Instant Pot for canning yet, or slow cooking either, but I swear by it if I want to make a pot of chili or just about anything else with minimal fuss and minimal wait time. Was seriously tempted to do some canning with it this year but ended up freezing most of my produce instead.

    My serrano pepper plants were veritable trees this year. I’ve never seen so many fruits and have no idea what to do with them so I made ten-count small baggies and stuffed them into larger freezer bags. I can’t imagine using more than one or two peppers in any dish.

    Not sure if I want to watch the debate tonight. I think they should cut the mic any time the debaters are out of turn, not just for the first two minutes. Here’s betting, though, that once Trump is gone they never have to do this again.

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  14. Deborah said on October 22, 2020 at 9:09 am

    I was convinced last evening while I was making dinner that I had the virus. I had a terrible headache and generally felt lousy. Then I remembered I hadn’t eaten much that day, just didn’t get around to it. After eating dinner I felt better. I’ve become more of a hypochondriac than I was before. That started us having a discussion about how we would manage to get tested here in Chicago if we really did start to feel ill. We don’t have a car anymore but we’re only a couple of blocks from a major hospital complex, Northwestern Memorial. But imagine how many people we would pass in our building and on the streets to walk there. We certainly wouldn’t inflict a Lyft or cab driver to get us there. I suppose an ambulance would be in order if we were really bad off.

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  15. Colleen said on October 22, 2020 at 9:45 am

    Good thoughts coming your way, Dexter.

    Regarding the instant pot..Haven’t canned with it, but I have made the world’s best pot roast with it. It’s also great for pulled/BBQ pork. I have only had one bad experience with it, and that was when I had the wrong cut of meat and tried to make the recipe anyway. We had carry out that night….

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  16. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on October 22, 2020 at 10:43 am

    Nancy, I thought I’d reached a level of equanimity with the photos, and then I started hitting a stratum of . . . diplomas. Degrees and awards I didn’t even know my grandparents had earned. Those birth certificates and marriage licenses and house contracts and death notices . . . my dreams these last few months of sorting three houses worth have turned to David Lynch and said “hold my absinthe.”

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  17. LAMary said on October 22, 2020 at 10:44 am

    I use my instant pot for any bean dishes, for Bolognese sauce, pot roasts, pork shoulder. You can make amazing pork shoulder to use in tacos and burritos etc. I would trust it for canning any time. I think my son cans homemade sauerkraut in his.

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  18. basset said on October 22, 2020 at 10:55 am

    Been reading up on that some, apparently not every model of Instant Pot gets hot enough to safely can tomatoes. Or something like that. Might throw a frozen pot roast in there tonight just because we can.

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  19. Jeff Borden said on October 22, 2020 at 11:07 am

    The best description of Rudy Ghouliani was penned by the late Jimmy Breslin, who described him as a small man in search of a balcony.

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  20. Jim said on October 22, 2020 at 11:55 am

    I am suffering a self-created ear worm. My head won’t stop the Oscar Mayer hot dog jingle with Guiliani substituted for wiener.

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  21. Peter said on October 22, 2020 at 1:16 pm

    Jeff TMMO @16: I think it was Kohn Pederson and Fox, the NY architects, who had a long wall in their reception area just filled with awards, but when you looked closer it was awards given to employee’s children or parents back in the day – for crossing guard, reading 10 books, science fair project, etc.

    When I moved into an apartment with a friend of mine, we went to Target and bought a couple of dozen picture holders, which we mounted on the living room wall. When people asked us who was in the pictures, I’d say I didn’t know – they came with the frames.

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  22. Deborah said on October 22, 2020 at 1:27 pm

    Totally off topic (as usual for me), have any of you had to find a handyman, and if so how did you go about finding someone? We have some minor work needed at the condo building in Santa Fe and the handy person we had has taken a full time job. This will be the fourth turnover of a handy person since we’ve had a presence there, which is 8 years. That’s probably normal, as those kinds of jobs are usually what people take when they’re between gigs. We’ve asked around, I’ve gotten some leads, called them but for various reasons, mostly hourly rates, we’re not a good fit. I’ve volunteered to be the person in charge of keeping track of what needs clean-up and repair.

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  23. LAMary said on October 22, 2020 at 1:30 pm

    That song title game is fun. How about “Dick Like a Wheel?” or “Piece of My Dick?”

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  24. LAMary said on October 22, 2020 at 1:41 pm

    I needed some deck repairs a couple of years ago. I asked around, got recommendations, but the guy I ultimately used was through Home Advisor. He did a great job, the completed job was a little less than he quoted, and he always showed up on time. Home Advisor called me to ask about him and gave him glowing reviews.

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  25. Peter said on October 22, 2020 at 4:09 pm

    Deborah, a lot of stuff goes in one of my ears and out the other, but how close are you to Santa Fe? A coworker of mine retired there and he may know someone.

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  26. Jim said on October 22, 2020 at 4:43 pm

    How about The Dick is Back?

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  27. LAMary said on October 22, 2020 at 4:46 pm

    “It’s a Dick Ache?”

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  28. Bob said on October 22, 2020 at 4:56 pm

    How about an old favorite: “My Dick Belongs to Daddy” or maybe the more romantic “With a Song in My Dick” Come on, everyone, sing along!

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  29. basset said on October 22, 2020 at 5:12 pm

    Tom Petty and the Dickbreakers. A Canadian band fronted by two sisters, “Dick.” And that Bill Monroe bluegrass standard, “Toy Dick.”

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  30. Deborah said on October 22, 2020 at 5:25 pm

    Peter, the condo building is in the city of Santa Fe, about 3/4 of a mile from the plaza.

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  31. Julie Robinson said on October 22, 2020 at 5:28 pm

    Deborah, are you on NextDoor? We have both given and received leads for work there. If there are any traditional hardware stores, you could go in and ask there. They may have employees who do side hustles, or they may give you leads. Home Depot and places like that contract out their services, and friends haven’t had good luck there.

    We spent the afternoon looking at lighting and boy howdy is there a lot of ugly stuff. About half of it comes with integrated LED lighting. I love LEDs but refuse to buy integrated. We found some possibilities but still have more places to look.

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  32. Deborah said on October 22, 2020 at 7:02 pm

    Julie, thanks for reminding me of Next Door, I signed up for that in Santa Fe but couldn’t remember the name of it.

    Are we all watching the debate tonight? It should be a doozy>

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  33. Bitter Scribe said on October 22, 2020 at 7:02 pm

    Do men actually die holding onto their cocks, hoping to wring one more thrill out of the little devil?

    I believe that in “The World According to Garp,” the title character’s wrestling coach expires that way, although it was unexpected.

    Not that that grotesque book is in any way a guide to life or anything.

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  34. Julie Robinson said on October 22, 2020 at 7:27 pm

    Someone dies or is gravely injured while giving or receiving a BJ in a parked car. It’s been many years since I read it.

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  35. LAMary said on October 22, 2020 at 7:28 pm

    That is what killed the coach. I think there was a porn magazine nearby.
    One of my neighbors has a son the same age as my older one. We were on a walk with the boys one morning. They were about 2 1/2 maybe. There was a guy who jogged by and my neighbor’s kids yells, “I have a penis!” and the jogger yells back, “Me too!” This seemed to please the kid.

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  36. beb said on October 22, 2020 at 7:43 pm

    Holy Butterfly ballot Julie! You mean the name isn’t printed on the ballot next to the oval you fill in? That’s an open invitation for voting for the wrong person.

    “Do men actually die holding onto their cocks” I can’t speak for all men, but I suspect a lot of them do. The weird thing about the Toobin story is that I’ve two explanatory articles. Both seemed in a jocular male voice but the byline suggests both were written by women. I pity the poor interns stuck having to explain that.

    Suzanne. alas he did whip it out and apparently for another video feed but forgot to close his zoom window.

    ROGirl — he was “multitasking.”

    Basset – we got an old fashion dutch oven and threw out our slow cooker. It’s great for everything and doesn’t come with any instructions. Just throw it on the stove and go.

    I need some small done on our house — grab bars at the back door and in the bath room. I’ll have to look into Home Advisor

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  37. Sherri said on October 22, 2020 at 8:18 pm

    “I Left My Dick in San Francisco”

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  38. alex said on October 22, 2020 at 8:35 pm

    Dick Like a Wheel

    Dick of My Dick

    Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Dicks Club Band

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  39. Julie Robinson said on October 22, 2020 at 9:30 pm

    beb, the absentee ballot has many, many parts. There is a card with numbers and ovals that must be filled in with black ink. There are separate sheets with the candidates and numbers, along with their party. After you fill out your card, you put it in a blue folder that has places for write in votes. The blue folder goes into a white envelope, which you must sign, date, and handwrite your name. After you seal that envelope, you place it in a larger gold envelope, which you also seal.

    There are two or three small slips of colored paper with additional instructions. They point out that every step must be followed or you will spoil your ballot. And the best? All the type is tiny, tiny, tiny. I had trouble reading it until I held it up next to my face. Mom got out her magnifying glass, which helped. But who are the main users of absentee ballots? The elderly, the ill, the disabled; all of whom would struggle with the ballot and instructions. It took us half an hour and we were nervous about doing everything correctly.

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  40. susan said on October 22, 2020 at 9:50 pm

    The Hallelujah Dick

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  41. LAMary said on October 22, 2020 at 10:32 pm

    The guy Garp’s wife is having an affair with gets it bit off by Garp’s wife. They’re parked in the driveway of Garp’s house. Garp has his kids in the car and they’re speeding along. He takes the car out of gear to coast into the driveway and at a pretty high speed rear ends his wife’s lover’s car. She bites off his dick. The kids in Garp’s car, I think a Volvo wagon, are injured or killed. I think it’s the younger son that gets killed.

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  42. Dave said on October 22, 2020 at 11:05 pm

    Our Florida ballot was two sheets, after filling them out, they were to be placed in a folder, folder was marked SECRET BALLOT, place that inside a envelope that had to be signed and dated on the back. We took them to a drop-off ballot box, which had two people monitoring the box. I looked tonight and both of our ballots have been accepted. BTW, I called the Board of Elections and they were looking for a signature that matched our driver’s license signatures.

    Out front on the sidewalk, there were numerous people waving Trump flags, Trump bumper stickers, and a few folks with Biden signs and literature.

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  43. basset said on October 22, 2020 at 11:35 pm

    Beb, we use a non-enameled cast iron dutch oven and a stainless one we got as a wedding present in 1981… just felt safer with a slow cooker, don’t have to watch it as closely.

    Main thing I like about the Instant Pot is that it’ll cook straight from frozen, just the thing if we didn’t think to take anything out for dinner.

    Didn’t watch the debate, didn’t think we could stand it.

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  44. Deborah said on October 23, 2020 at 12:03 am

    I watched the debate. You’ll probably all read about it if you didn’t watch too. Not much to say except I, along with many people, think the needle won’t move either way, but I guess we’ll see in the next few days.

    As Trump and Melania we’re leaving the stage she did another “get this guy away from me” move. She sure acts like she hates him. Try to find a video of that moment, it’s obvious.

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  45. beb said on October 23, 2020 at 1:28 am

    Michigan’s mail-in ballot is the same as the in-person ballot except it’s folded to fit in the envelop. Everything you need to know is printed on the ballot and generally in large enough print to read. Michigan uses the large optical scanned ballot that’s like a foot wide, two feet long and printed on both sides.

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  46. Dexter Friend said on October 23, 2020 at 2:54 am

    John Lithgow as Roberta had the line that went something like ‘I had mine surgically removed but to have it bitten off in a Buick!’. But don’t try to search for that scene unless you have an old VCR tape of it. When it appeared on cable as it aged, the editors cut it to the editing room floor. Poof, gone. I am a John Irving fan. My favorite books of his are “Last Night in Twisted River” and his classic “A Prayer for Owen Meany”.

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  47. ROGirl said on October 23, 2020 at 6:22 am

    Everybody’s Got a Hungry Dick

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  48. Suzanne said on October 23, 2020 at 7:28 am

    The clip of Melania showing her true feeling about her husband are right here:
    She probably willingly wore a mask so she could sneer at him without him seeing.

    I watched the debate. Biden looked and sounded like a statesman, Trump like a whiny toddler. The moderator tried to shut him up but failed. Why the mic isn’t turned off when time is up, I don’t know.
    I am sure many in the media will proclaim Trump as having a fine debate because he didn’t do a Toobin.

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  49. Peter said on October 23, 2020 at 7:51 am

    Thanks Deborah – I’ll contact my friend and let you know.

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  50. Heather said on October 23, 2020 at 9:42 am

    Deborah, you could also join a neighborhood group on Facebook if there is one and ask there. Or Angie’s List is always a good source for recs, but there’s a small fee to join.

    Good luck. I haven’t had great luck finding a good handyman to rely on. They can do the job but a lot of them have violated some boundaries in weird ways–either oversharing personal info, or the last one kept hitting on me. It was really awful. Then later when I complained about it on Facebook, I found out he had tried to kiss a friend who had used him for years! I have another friend around my age who always has her father there when she has repair people over and I thought that was kind of ridiculous. Now, not so much.

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  51. Deborah said on October 23, 2020 at 9:48 am

    What in the world is up with McConnell’s purple, bandaged hands and bruised face? He must have fallen again. He fell not that long ago and broke his collar bone, and he tripped on camera at a speaking engagement. Something’s not right.

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  52. LAMary said on October 23, 2020 at 10:29 am

    I bet McConnell got into a bar fight over a hooker.

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  53. LAMary said on October 23, 2020 at 10:31 am

    Angies List and Home Advisor are the same company. I don’t recall paying a fee to use Home Advisor.

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  54. Peter said on October 23, 2020 at 12:36 pm

    Not that I would give him any sympathy, but I did read that McConnell did have a childhood disease that causes his imbalance, although I’m too lazy to look it up.

    Update: I did look it up. Mitch had childhood polio and went to Warm Springs for rehab, with the expenses paid by the March of Dimes.

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  55. Julie Robinson said on October 23, 2020 at 1:04 pm

    You’d think a childhood experience like that would engender compassion, particularly when it came to health care.

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  56. David C said on October 23, 2020 at 2:18 pm

    I had an uncle’s who had hands that looked like that. He had leukemia.

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  57. beb said on October 23, 2020 at 3:48 pm

    ROGirl at 47 wins the Dick song competition.

    I didn’t watch the debate but my wife did, in another room. I kept hearing her mutter “mute the mic!” so I guess Trump was his usual self.

    Come January 20th I think the FBI needs to treat the whole White House as a crime scene. Also count the silverware.

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  58. LAMary said on October 23, 2020 at 4:23 pm

    Cold, Cold Dick?

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  59. LAMary said on October 23, 2020 at 4:36 pm

    Deep in the Dick of Texas.

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  60. Jeff Borden said on October 23, 2020 at 5:17 pm

    In the last several months of my dad’s life, he was on blood thinners and his hands sometimes looked like the mitts on Moscow Mitch. If dad so much as bumped into a door frame, it generated a large, ugly bruise. Moscow Mitch is 78. There are lots of potential reasons for his hands to take on that hue, but I prefer to think it’s all the blood on his hands for not doing shit to help Americans who are hurting in favor of seating Justice Handmaiden. Just read she will be –by far– the least experienced SCOTUS judge ever added to the bench. Lucky us.

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  61. Peter said on October 23, 2020 at 5:34 pm

    Deborah – I struck pay dirt – my friend said he can recommend people in various trades, or an all around jack of all trade. E-mail me at perdelyi@cromedesign.com and I’ll get you in touch.

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  62. Little Bird said on October 23, 2020 at 5:54 pm

    A whiter shade of dick…

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  63. alex said on October 23, 2020 at 5:58 pm

    No telling where McConnell’s hands have been. Maybe feeling up a purple people eater.

    Icky pix in Nymag:


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  64. LAMary said on October 23, 2020 at 7:04 pm

    I’m clinging to the ugly bar fight story for Mitch. I would have paid cash money to see that.

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  65. Deborah said on October 23, 2020 at 7:51 pm

    I wondered about leukemia too, I looked it up and it seems possible.

    Off topic again, today I saw a bit of a streaming video with AOC and Jane Fonda and holy cow Jane looks fantastic. She’s obviously had lots and lots of work done but it is very well done. I mean she’s over 80! She’s let her hair go gray and it looks great too, I think she looks better than ever.

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  66. beb said on October 23, 2020 at 8:33 pm

    LAMary: I’m clinging to the ugly bar fight story for Mitch

    Who would he be fighting 90 year old grannies? Anyone else in a bar would mop his ass while holding on to their beer.

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  67. LAMary said on October 23, 2020 at 8:42 pm

    He’d be the type to complain about a song they put on the jukebox. I take him to be Toby Keith fan. None of that Old Town Road stuff. Insults would be exchanged. Beer bottles broken and used as weapons. Ok, he’d lose in about ten seconds but Mitch just doesn’t know how to step back and let it be. Elaine Chao is used to having to patch him up.

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  68. LAMary said on October 23, 2020 at 10:01 pm

    Just thought of the Burt Bachrach tune, Anyone Who Had a Dick.

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  69. alex said on October 23, 2020 at 10:12 pm

    Alrighty already. I think we’ve had a total eclipse of the dick.

    You can also replace the word eyes with the word snatch in any song.

    She’s got Bette Davis snatch.

    Brown-snatched girl.

    Smoke Gets in Your Snatch.

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  70. Dexter Friend said on October 24, 2020 at 2:30 am

    That’s right…when I was a kid , a friend’s dad, who was just 47, had those colored hands. I thought it was from the injection drips for his leukemia. He died shortly after.

    “Your ballot has been received and will be included in the election night results.” I am good, reports the website.

    28 hours ago Lori went into a lengthy surgery for bowel resectioning. Her pain was much less intense when she woke up in recovery. Her doctors think it’s an inflammation disease caused as an after-effect of Covid19. Family wedding here in NW Ohio next weekend and all of the guests who were flying in have cancelled, and many local guests have cancelled too. Too bad.

    The new “Borat” film…words cannot describe the …well, no comment. It’s just more edgy than any other of his efforts.

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  71. ROGirl said on October 24, 2020 at 8:00 am

    I’m confused. You mean Mitch McConnell actually has lips?

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  72. Julie Robinson said on October 24, 2020 at 9:15 am

    Besides growing her hair out, Jane Fonda is rewearing red carpet outfits. In fact,
    she isn’t buying any new clothing. This is apparently a huge thing and to be supported, since fast fashion is an ecological disaster.

    So Jane and I have two things in common. I grew out my gray, and my closet is full of “classic” clothing.

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  73. Jakash said on October 24, 2020 at 12:55 pm

    Gonna have to gingerly disagree about Jane Fonda. We just watched “The Newsroom,” which she had a small, but important role in. Even then, when she was 74 – 76, she looked remarkably young, but at least it seemed like she had *some* wrinkles and while you could tell there must have been plenty of “work” involved beyond aerobics, it didn’t look quite as shocking to me as now. We saw her recently, (the Emmys, I suppose) and I just thought the way she looked was chilling. I mean, to each one’s own, but to have her face look like she’s 25 when she’s 82 is just weird and off-putting, to me. She always does a fine job, though — she’s a great actress.

    And I don’t wanna sound like Tucker Carlson, or something, but the idea that it’s bold and revolutionary that she’s 82 and is not going to buy any more clothes, but relegate herself to the thousands-of-dollars dresses that she already has is why people think “Hollywood” is so full of it. It took her till 2020 and California burning down around her to figure out that she doesn’t need more stuff? Better late than never, but please…

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  74. Julie Robinson said on October 24, 2020 at 1:05 pm

    Agreed that it’s a huge thing is crazy. Remember when Roslyn Carter said her inauguration ballgown would be the same one she wore when Jimmy became Governor of Georgia? People looked down on her for what was eminently sensible and sentimental. In her memoir, she said they kept a closet of gowns at the Mansion, and the women who worked there wore them interchangeably.

    As for the plastic surgery, I find it a turnoff, and it’s not something I have in common with Jane. My look is more Bea Arthur.

    Ooh–we have eight minutes now to edit. Thanks, JC!

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  75. LAMary said on October 24, 2020 at 1:45 pm

    Back when I used to take rolls of film to a camera shop to be developed, I saw a photo of Jane Fonda, taken by a customer of the shop. It was pretty close up and it was in a series of photos of some red carpet event. Her face looked scary. Everything was so tight it looked like it hurt to smile. The bod was good but the lifting and enhancing that was going on was not from aerobics. Bright sunlight was not her best lighting source.

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  76. ROGirl said on October 24, 2020 at 2:10 pm

    Jane has said the same line about not getting more plastic surgery since she started getting plastic surgery.

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  77. susan said on October 24, 2020 at 2:29 pm

    I think Nancy Pelosi looks equally grotesque. She is 80 years old, wrinkle-free, no sagging eye-lids, dark hair. Dianne Feinstein looks like a freak, with that plastic dark hair, baggy tired eyes. She’s friggin’ 87 years old. Why do they do this? Who are they trying to impress?

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  78. Julie Robinson said on October 24, 2020 at 3:22 pm

    Last night I attended a virtual cocktail party and there a woman whose face looked like that. It was bizarre and unmoveable, and I wondered if she had any awareness of how terrible it looked. She’s 64. I’ll be that age in a few days, and I’ve got some wrinkles, but then, I’m almost 64, and I’m okay with that.

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  79. Mark P said on October 24, 2020 at 4:36 pm

    It’s our culture. It’s OK for a man to look old, but it’s not OK for a woman. A woman can be strong and hold a position of power, but she’s still judged by how she looks. At least by men. At least by some men.

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  80. LAMary said on October 24, 2020 at 4:54 pm

    You got that right, Mark. I’m told I don’t look my age. Fat lot of good that does me when an employer figures out I’m 67, but whatever. I work remotely now, and I am often reminded of a very old New Yorker cartoon of two dogs, one sitting at a desk with a computer. He’s saying to the other dog,”on the internet no one knows you’re a dog.”

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  81. Sherri said on October 24, 2020 at 5:28 pm

    The evolution of the diner story.


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  82. Jeff Borden said on October 24, 2020 at 5:50 pm

    My wife’s favorite aunt continued to dye her hair jet black until her death in her 80s. In contrast, her mother never touched her hair, which was a beautiful snowy white. Why did Aunt Mary do it? It made her happy. What was the harm?

    As someone who began losing his hair at age 20 and now sports the classic “toilet seat” of hair on the sides and back with a completely chrome upper cranium, I long ago made a pledge with another balding buddy: no rugs, no plugs, no drugs. I’ve also never considered dying my very gray beard. A friend of mine younger by 15 years is using Just For Men on his beard to appear more youthful, but he’s in sales and feels he needs to look young and vital.

    I think plastic surgery is crazy and most of the work done is very obvious. For every Jane Fonda who seems to have found a great surgeon, there are hundreds of Ivana Trumps, who look like balloon animals with their puffed up cheeks and lips. But, again, it’s no skin off my nose if someone thinks it makes them look better.

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  83. Deborah said on October 24, 2020 at 6:50 pm

    I’ve got lots of wrinkles and sags and will obviously continue to get more. I don’t mind them on my face, but I hate my neck, I don’t know if that’s weird but Nora Ephron wrote about it, so it can’t be that strange. There won’t be any plastic surgery for me and that’s OK with me.

    The thing about Jane Fonda’s work to me is how well it was done. Ivanka and Melania have had well done work too, I guess it takes a boatload of money to get a good Dr. I’ve seen some really bad stuff out there, which makes me wonder why so many women go under the knife when it’s a distinct possibility for it to turn out ugly not to mention the painful ordeal.

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  84. LAMary said on October 24, 2020 at 8:01 pm

    Ivanka’s work isn’t that great. From the side her nose looks like an accident and her chin implant is visible. She got that work done when she was quite young, when her parents were pushing her into a modeling career in her teens. She’d look more like her brother Eric if she didn’t have that work.

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  85. Deborah said on October 24, 2020 at 8:15 pm

    I guess I only mostly see Ivanka from the front. LAMary, I laughed about your comparison to Eric. I remember seeing a photo of him when he was at his brother, Don Jr’s wedding and it was hysterical. All gums and bad hair. I read a description of Ivanka’s years at whatever prep high school she went to, one of her dorm mates described her returning after a holiday with bruises on the sides of her face, probably from plastic surgery to shave off the wideness that’s obvious from earlier photos of her.

    These people are such caricatures of real human beings.

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  86. Deborah said on October 24, 2020 at 8:29 pm

    Peter, I emailed your friend, thanks so much.

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  87. indiana Jack said on October 24, 2020 at 9:07 pm

    Jane Fonda never impressed me as an actor. She was sexy as hell in “Barbarella,” but that was a long time ago and it was still a pretty crappy movie.
    Plastic surgery seldom has its intended effect. We all know what’s happening.
    The same is true of Just for Men and other pathetic efforts to hold back time.
    My wife, now 70, has finally allowed her hair to grow out to its natural gray, and she looks fantastic. My scruffy whiskers are increasingly gray, so’s the stuff on my head. It goes with the territory.
    Dexter, I find myself worrying often about your unfortunate and challenging situation. The problem with empathy is that it’s usually accompanied by a sense of helplessness. I’ll continue to keep you in my thoughts.

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  88. LAMary said on October 24, 2020 at 9:22 pm

    I have about 12 grey hairs. I’m 67. Never colored my hair. When it goes grey I’m just letting it take its course. I blame the current crop of grey hairs on the pandemic and trump. I am unduly proud of my lack of grey hair since I had nothing to do with it being that way. I post my photo to friends from high school and I gloat. It’s unbecoming I know but tough shit.

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  89. Julie Robinson said on October 24, 2020 at 9:52 pm

    I found my first grey as a freshman in high school and probably had at least 12 by graduation. At 40 I looked 60, so you betcha I was coloring it. It has been freeing to stop.

    So, I’m very shallow and just spent 15 minutes looking at before and afters of Ivanka. Lots of creepy daddy/daughter pictures there.

    One of the reasons I appreciate British actors is that they look more like real people in their faces and bodies. How do you tell when a Brit has gone Hollywood? They get their teeth done.

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  90. basset said on October 24, 2020 at 10:00 pm

    Gray beard here, graying and thinning fast on top, if those were my worst manifestations of advancing age I’d be happy, hell, ecstatic.

    Went for Chinese carryout last night, nobody working there had a mask on, including the cooks. I did, and they offered me another from behind the plexiglass.

    Same at another Chinese place down the road, at least as far as I could see inside. They keep the front door locked.

    Called a Papa John’s less than a mile away for a pizza and the local number rang to a call center in the Philippines. That conversation went pretty much as you’d expect.

    Went to pick it up, 3 workers had no masks but plenty of attitude when I asked about it. First time I’d seen the “talk to the hand” move in awhile.

    Went to Domino’s, everyone had a mask on so we got our pizza there.

    If I were, of course, a real American instead of a weak little snowflake I would have remembered that the virus is over and we need to open up the country. It is what it is.

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  91. Little Bird said on October 24, 2020 at 10:28 pm

    I have some very noticeable grey streaks. When I was a teenager my stepmother tried to slam Deborah by pointing out that Deborah’s hair was going white (it’s even more white now and looks fantastic). Then she pointed out that she (stepmother) didn’t have a grey hair on her head. But here’s the thing, she (stepmother) frosted her hair so it ALL looked grey.
    When I got older and my streaks came in stepmother made a point to make fun of them. I just looked at her hair. Pointedly.

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  92. LAMary said on October 24, 2020 at 10:49 pm

    Julie, I think Helen Mirren looks great and I don’t think she’s done much if anything. The Tom and Lorenzo team refers to her as the Queen of Fuckfantastica. She looked good playing an older woman in Last Orders 20 years ago. A friend who was the cameraman on an interview she did around that time said he was sad she was going to play an older woman because she was so damn sexy.

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  93. Dexter Friend said on October 25, 2020 at 1:52 am

    Mister Clean here. I shave my face and scalp every morning. I would have horseshoe-ring baldness and grey hair, not my thing.
    Indiana Jack, thanks. Lori was having a rough time when the drugs wore off in recovery, posting that she would post again when the post-op drugs were adjusted. I figure having two abdominal surgeries back-to-back is akin to being gunshot.
    My step-grandson is pissing me off as he is giving Carla Lee hell for not being a “good enough Christian”. He’s 27 and a right-wing Christian-based nut. I cannot stand him. My wife has been in a hospital bed since June and he had her crying. He lived in Portland, Oregon now.

    It was a wonderful day for TV sports. Indiana U defeated number 8 Penn State in overtime, Michigan destroyed Minnesota Gophers on the gridiron, and then the most wonderful crazy/insane World Series game of all-time left me weeping with joy and happiness. It’s not at all that I hate the Dodgers or even like the Rays so much, it was just the way the game unfolded and finished, truly insane.

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  94. David C said on October 25, 2020 at 6:07 am

    My mom is 81 and has just one streak of grey in her black hair. I’m starting to get the streak in my black hair too. My formerly red beard has gone all grey though. I could probably cut it off but I haven’t been clean shaven since I was eighteen years old so why start now.

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  95. Suzanne said on October 25, 2020 at 7:21 am

    That IU game was crazy. I don’t watch a lot of football, but as an IU grad, I do watch them. My husband comes from a total crazy IU sports family so the games are always on in our house.
    I am still amazed they won as IU has a long history of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. And after the Sandusky debacle at Penn State, I don’t think the Nittney Lions should have been allowed to have a football program for years.
    So way to go Hoosiers!

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  96. Julie Robinson said on October 25, 2020 at 8:05 am

    IU surprised us all yesterday. When he saw how close it was, Dennis wanted to hear Don Fischer’s excitement, and was able to find his radio station online. I mean, how many more times will it happen? Don Fischer isn’t getting any younger.

    Helen Mirren deserves all the kudos TLo give her. I think even her boobs are real.

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  97. Mark P said on October 25, 2020 at 8:53 am

    I might have told this story before … my brother went to grad school with a guy whose hair turned white even before school. He always said he had prematurely gray hair. Many years later when he said it, someone told him it was no longer premature.

    My red beard started turning white in my mid-30’s. I’m not sure when my equally red hair started turning. It’s no longer red, but it’s not quite gray or white. It almost looks blonde. I guess it’s the mix of white and some leftover red. But there’s also a lot of scalp in there, too.

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  98. basset said on October 25, 2020 at 9:00 am

    I’m an IU grad and don’t watch or care about IU sports, nothing to do with me. How do those of you who are big sports fans form that connection?

    And I agree with Suzanne on Penn State.

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  99. Deborah said on October 25, 2020 at 9:17 am

    Because I’m not a fan I haven’t been paying attention, do they play these football games with crowds in the stands? I can’t imagine during this pandemic that would be allowed.

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  100. Julie Robinson said on October 25, 2020 at 9:43 am

    Football isn’t allowed on when I’m in the room, we only saw what was happening when we stopped watching a movie.

    Agree about Penn State.

    I played basketball in high school and got tickets my first year at IU, the rest just followed. But I
    rarely watch any sport at all now. The hype is too much.

    No fans at Big Ten games, other schools vary.

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  101. 4dbirds said on October 25, 2020 at 10:57 am

    LAMary, We share another commonality. I too have just a few strands of gray and I’ll be 66 in March. As with you I have some unearned pride about that.

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  102. Suzanne said on October 25, 2020 at 11:00 am

    IU only allowed the families of the players at the game, I think, so not many people and they were spread out. However, I saw a video online of fans greeting the team at the stadium after the game, crowded together, lots of them, and I could see one mask.

    And Pence is being his usual dense self after several of his staff tested positive but he’s not In quarantine But out on the campaign trail. The man is dense and evil.

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  103. LAMary said on October 25, 2020 at 11:43 am

    I watch Dodger games. Last night was crazy, but GO DODGERS.

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  104. Dave said on October 25, 2020 at 12:07 pm

    My enthusiasm for sports has declined significantly over the years, especially, no, there is no especially, but I have to pull for the Rays. The Dodgers have had plenty of glory in their long history but the Rays have been to the World Series only one other time in their much shorter history. Even so, I live down here in Tampa Bay and I haven’t been watching, I find it hard to pay attention to any sporting events on TV.

    Oh, I have some gray mixed in with the rest of the blond. I still have most of my hair, much more than I ever expected to have at this age. I just recently got a haircut after going without one for seven months, the longest my hair has been since probably my mid-20’s. I came home from the barber and my wife said I looked ten years younger, so there’s that. Who knows, I don’t think any of us looking into mirrors see the person the world sees.

    Yippee, IU, beating a Top Ten team. Our youngest is an alum, so there’s that connection, I guess.

    I do wonder what Mike Pence thinks when he wakes up at 3 AM, a time to have your darkest thoughts, at least I do. I can’t understand how he equates his professed faith with the man he’s serving and lying for, especially the lying. Does he really think he’s doing the Lord’s work? Dense Pence, indeed.

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  105. LAMary said on October 25, 2020 at 12:18 pm

    The Dodgers got burned twice by the Astros. They’re still pissed off about that. That’s not why I’m a fan. I’m a fan because a)Dodger Stadium is withing hearing distance of my house and b)Justin Turner. He’s a real journeyman ball player but he’s also a good guy. Among other things, he’s supporting small, independent restaurants by ordering hundreds of meals and getting that food delivered to people in homeless encampments. LA has a lot of those. Even before the pandemic made things iffy for restaurants Turner was doing a lot for food banks. I have a Dodgers mask with his number 10 on it.

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  106. Julie Robinson said on October 25, 2020 at 12:53 pm

    Pence is still on the campaign trail because he’s an essential worker. That’s what I heard on the radio. WTF?

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  107. Deborah said on October 25, 2020 at 12:59 pm

    I’ve lived in two big baseball cities, St. Louis and now of course, Chicago. In St. Louis we used to go to at least one game a year, which I enjoyed, and for a while there we went to a few hockey games a year, which I also enjoyed. I’ve only been to one Cubs game in my life, one Bulls game and no hockey or football in Chicago. I never watch sports on TV, neither does my husband. He played golf in his youth but never plays anymore.

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  108. Jakash said on October 25, 2020 at 1:04 pm

    Re: Basset @ 90. I don’t quite understand the rationale behind the people at the Chinese restaurant offering a masked person another mask, while they’re not wearing any themselves, but that’s some next-level Covoddity, there. The Chinese place we’ve been going to has a good set-up and they *sell* boxes of masks and gloves.

    Where we get carry-out from these days is largely determined by their current procedures. Pay before getting there, so no physical cash or credit-card exchange: essential. Curbside pickup, where they bring the stuff out to you: preferred, but not essential. One place we go to has a window opening right onto the sidewalk that means you don’t have to enter the building. Employees wearing masks: essential. I realize, and feel bad, that this policy discriminates against the most ma and pa-type places that don’t even take credit cards, but “it is what it is,” I’m afraid.

    You won’t need a detailed description to imagine what my hair looks like. I haven’t gotten it cut since the before times. A while ago, my wife said I look like Peppermint Patty. Now, she’s allowed that I’ve progressed to the point of looking like Benjamin Franklin, which I consider a more distinguished reference — though not a good look, to be sure. Checking out pictures of him was encouraging, however — I’ve still got a way to go before it’s really as long as his!

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  109. Dorothy said on October 25, 2020 at 2:03 pm

    Yesterday was the first weekend that Big Program Football teams played in Fall 2020 (that’s my made up name, not an official sports designation). Both of my kids have degrees from Penn State. Daughter majored in journalism, and double minored in American studies and international studies. Son has a master’s in cyber security. The football team situation re the pedophile coach and Paterno’s inability to face facts was an absolute disgrace. But it has no impact on what my kids achieved. And I disagree with how the game ended yesterday. No matter how many angles they showed that play, I still think IU should have lost. One of my best friends from Pittsburgh has a grandson who plays for Penn State – and he was the one trying to tackle the IU player during that last play of the game.

    I’ll always be a Pirates fan when it comes to baseball, and I didn’t even really realize there WAS a Tampa Bay baseball team, let alone the fact that they are playing in the World Series. But oh BOY what an ending to that game last night! We were whooping and hollering while watching the highlights on ESPN at 7 AM today.

    Did anyone see Adele on SNL last night? She looked amazing and I think she’s a fine actress. But her last skit about divorcees promoting a vacation in Africa was the funniest thing I’d seen in a long while. She broke character so many times and it got funnier with each stumble. Which is why it was so funny, because the skit itself was not very funny.

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  110. basset said on October 25, 2020 at 2:30 pm

    Jakash, was just talking with Mrs B about that situation and she said she had “forgotten” her mask… she was behind me. Next three places I went in by myself.

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  111. 4dbirds said on October 25, 2020 at 2:57 pm

    Watched an updated Rebecca on Netflix today. Loved all the mystery, brooding, of it. Today, the young wife would fire Mrs. Danvers immediately and would ask her husband what’s all the shit about your late wife? No mystery, just the air cleared or divorce.

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  112. LinGin said on October 25, 2020 at 4:00 pm

    Tweet of the day:


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  113. Deborah said on October 25, 2020 at 4:35 pm

    Did I mention that we watched Borat 2 last night? It was… something. Mainly we were astounded that people would be duped by the actors during the filming, and wouldn’t they have to sign off on their being in the movie for legal purposes? Including Guiliani?

    I no longer have Karen hair, it has grown out to the point that I now have Calista hair, unfortunately. I want to do something else with it but until our country gets a handle on the virus I just want to keep it simple, and the bob is about as simple as it gets.

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