An interesting topic came up in a group chat this weekend. Here was the precipitating statement:
Are old-fashioned manners outlawed these days? As a childless uncle and aunt, we’ve always been very generous to our nephews and niece. Now that they’re adults — my niece is studying law but the boys are working — we send them sizable checks. As of today, still no thanks. Hell, we’d settle for a text. All three are good people, yet they seem unaware of basic common courtesies.
It so happens this is something I’ve noticed myself. Wedding gifts in particular don’t seem to be acknowledged. (Not by Deb’s boys, I hasten to reassure her. They wrote lovely thank-you notes.) I bought one a few years back, working from the online registry, and as soon as I hit Purchase a robo-email landed in my inbox: Bob and Sue thank you for your generosity! The hell they do. They checked a box, maybe, on their registry, to enable the robo-reply.
I know I didn’t get a proper thank-you afterward.
And having had a wedding of my own, and knowing how insane they tend to get, I don’t think this is always a hanging offense. Couples get overwhelmed, cards fall off of boxes, shit happens. But with wedding gifts in particular, so often they’re sent directly to the bride’s or couple’s house before the wedding. You want to know they arrived, at least. Porch piracy is a real thing. But it seems weird to ask, although Alan did, once. He got a mumbled yeah I think so and only learned later the marriage didn’t survive very long, and maybe that’s why the thank-you was never sent.
I blame parents for not teaching their children better manners, although given the way Gen Z reacts when asked to do anything involving setting a pen to paper, maybe they did and they were just ignored. As my friend says, just send a text. It’ll probably be enough.
So, the great interregnum of the year is upon us. I hope you all had a lovely Christmas; I know we did. Gifts and food and more food and cocktails at 3 p.m., all of it. I got some wonderful gifts, large and small. I’m currently waiting for what is supposed to be more apocalyptic weather on Sunday, torrents of rain followed by plunging temperatures that may or may not lead to snow, but will surely freeze the puddles left behind. Good thing this is my vacation from my early lifeguarding shifts.
And I’m doing Dry January, again. In fact, I’m looking forward to it, after all the rich food and 3 p.m. cocktails of the past few days. I want to eat vegetables and drink sparkling water, or just plain old water. Settle in for the long haul until spring not feeling like the Goodyear blimp.
Couple quick things: For four days now, I have been unable to load this site — my own site! — on my phone, but it works fine everywhere else. Anyone else having the same problem? I get this error:
J.C. says he blames “the DNS services your phone’s provider is serving your phone with.” I have no idea.
Another housekeeping note: I reloaded the WordPress app on my phone, thinking it would be easier to post more often, with photos and such. Alas, these posts (like yesterday’s) seem to default to closed comments, even though I thought I changed that setting. I’ll keep tinkering, but be advised I’m aware of the problem.
Finally, let’s all take note of the example of Chuck Redd, the jazz musician who cancelled his Christmas Eve jam at the Kennedy Center after the toadies running it added you-know-who’s name to the building. Harvard is buckling. Big Law buckled. Big Media buckled. But this guy didn’t. Let a million Davids bloom. Keep your slingshot handy. We are on our own, we all know that now.
I was at the Eastern Market on Saturday when a Waymo taxi passed me. Someone was behind the wheel, which I take to mean it’s still undergoing testing, but we’ll likely have the driverless vehicles in Detroit before long. I texted a friend that I look forward to setting one on fire during the bloody riots of summer ’26. I was joking, but only kinda. We all know the year ahead will be grim, as the midterms approach and the Trumpers get more desperate. Be like Chuck Redd. Maybe we’ll get through this.
Deborah said on December 28, 2025 at 10:24 am
My husbands nephew had what he calls a Kardashian marriage. He and his beloved lived together for a few years, but then she asked for a divorce a couple of months after their wedding. We went to the wedding and everything seemed normal, I guess she just wanted to experience being a bride. Anyway we didn’t get a thank you note understandably. I have no idea what happened to the gifts.
A couple of years later the nephew married again, happily, and now they have 3 kids already.
I few weeks ago I mentioned that a friend in our book club had written a novel, it was reviewed in the New York Times Review. The name of the book is Simone in Pieces, by Janet Burroway, if you scroll down you can read the review, the book is quite good BTW https://www.nytimes.com/2025/11/18/books/review/new-historical-fiction-books.html?unlocked_article_code=1.AFA.BKPh.Z3qRv4NxCC1J&smid=url-share gift link.
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David C said on December 28, 2025 at 10:40 am
We get texted thank-yous from our young relatives and I’d say it’s pretty close to 100%. I’m perfectly fine with that. We don’t have many gift giving occasions with our millennial relatives anymore. When we do, more often than not, we don’t hear jack shit.
From what I hear about Waymo, they follow the rules almost to a fault. Where humans will bend the rules to get out of situations, Waymo won’t and sometimes make a mess of things because of it. I wonder how strict rule following will work out in Detroit where bending the rules, like a pretzel is bent, is the norm.
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alex said on December 28, 2025 at 11:03 am
I remember going to a wedding once and the gift thing turned out to be a disaster. Some stupid busybody arranging the gift table decided that it would be better to separate the cards from the presents. So nobody got any thank yous, least of all that person.
Last night we had a second Christmas dinner for relatives who couldn’t make it on Christmas. I count both meals as some of my best work ever, but it certainly helps that I sought out great recipes from the NYT cooking section. I seldom use cookbooks anymore; the web site is like an encyclopedia and the commenters always leave great tips.
No Drynuary in this house. Too many great winter dishes made with brandy, wine, spirits or beer, and all best washed down with hooch as well. I’m giving myself the munchies just thinking about cooking.
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jcburns said on December 28, 2025 at 12:15 pm
Nancy, your problem (as I said) isn’t your site or your iPhone. It depends on the infrastructure your phone can access to connect to the internet at any given moment. The infrastructure is different in downtown Detroit than in GPW. Different in the UP. Different in North Carolina. And so on. And most importantly, different when you connect to the internet via cellular radio vs WiFi. So!
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nancy said on December 28, 2025 at 1:05 pm
I understand, but it’s the same whether I’m on wifi or cellular, this place or that. I’m chalking it up to a biblical mystery and not worrying about it.
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Sherri said on December 28, 2025 at 1:06 pm
I’ve been getting the same failure periodically for a couple of months.
On Waymo, I wouldn’t say they strictly follow the rules. They sometimes don’t seem to know the rules. In both Austin and Atlanta, there have been multiple instances of Waymos blowing past school buses with their stop signs out, to the point that Austin asked Waymo not to operate during school bus hours (a request that Waymo didn’t comply with.)
In San Francisco, there was recently a large power outage, resulting in traffic signals being out, and Waymo couldn’t handle that. Waymo didn’t just blast through the dark intersections, though; it entered the intersection and stopped, causing all sorts of problems.
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Dexter Friend said on December 28, 2025 at 2:05 pm
A year ago my step-granddaugter graduated from U of Toledo. Her dad and mom and step-mom had a wonderful dinner party at a “fancy restaurant”, as Dad called such places…
I gave a card with yeah, a sizable amount of cash. A few days later a nice hand-written thank-you note appeared, stating I hadn’t needed to give like that, but she was very grateful. So the world is in some good hands, anyway. But…last week I got an invitation to her wedding; it’s in Grand Rapids. Oh, how I hoped it was Grand Rapids, Ohio. Well, no, it’s the West Michigan GR. The info, telling me to access the QR code for directions and attire, left me confused. A huge QR code…and listen: I can sit in my chair and aim at a QR code on the Vizio TV, so tiny, and it always works. This one was dead, nothing. Anyone else been getting invitations and announcements with no information, just a QR code?
UM Wolverines signed a football coach. He looks like the late Kris Kristofferson. I do not approve. I wanted a different, younger coach. Damn. And my Detroit Lions were the disappointment we never saw coming. Their offensive coordinator went on to coach the worst team last year in the division. Yes, the Chicago Bears, who are 11-4 and are in Santa Clara tonight playing the 49ers. That’s sports! Back to you, weather woman!
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Julie Robinson said on December 28, 2025 at 4:35 pm
My Mom was complaining about lack of thank yous just last night, however I noticed she received a gift from a nice lady at church and hasn’t written one herself. I did explain that the next generations don’t write or receive letters or cards of any kind, and probably don’t even have any stamps around. There are exceptions, and the lovely woman our son married is one. Thank yous went out and fast for both shower and wedding gifts, and were written by both of them.
Dexter, those darn QR codes are everywhere now but it does sound like there was a bad link on that one. We even have them in the pews at church next to the offering envelopes, and most of our donations come in that way. Makes it easier for me, since one of my jobs is to count and deposit the offerings.
I have been cavorting around outside and enjoying the perfect weather. Yesterday we bought some new flowers and filled in some holes. As we were doing that, our daughter informed us we were going to be on the garden tour this spring. Yikes! The yard is very much a work in progress with lots of unfinished areas, and scrubby grass I want to replace with ground cover. The perfectionist in me has reared its ugly head.
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Heather said on December 28, 2025 at 5:09 pm
I have actually gotten thank you notes in the mail from my cousin’s kids for high school and college graduation gifts of money. I’m sure my cousin and his wife were firm about doing that. I got a text from one nephew (who is 16) thanking me for his Christmas cash, but not the other. Usually I don’t get anything from either so that’s an improvement.
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Pam H said on December 28, 2025 at 8:11 pm
Thank you for the Long Post! It’s longer than what fits on a single page on the computer screen. Now, when first looking in, I don’t have to see that disgusting pig page you posted yesterday. Not what I want to see, especially the head. Ugh!
Perhaps wedding gifts should be sent with the words, “The Courtesy of an Acknowledgment of this gift is requested.”
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ROGirl said on December 29, 2025 at 6:42 am
When I saw that Michigan had hired the coach from Utah I figured that he was probably a Mormon (he is, according to Wikipedia), and that would provide a lot of cover for all the scandals that have accumulated in the past few years. If he can get them through a few decent and scandal-free seasons, then they will be able to hire someone younger.
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alex said on December 29, 2025 at 6:42 am
I had a witty neighbor lady who returned from a trip somewhere in Latin America and shared photos, including some taken at an open-air market where severed pigs’ heads were on display. When people would react with disgust, she would ask them “Why are you grossed out by its head but not at all squeamish about eating its butt?”
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Peter said on December 29, 2025 at 8:17 am
In the parts of Eastern Europe where my parents grew up, butchers made sure to display a fresh pig head when they got one – it was their version of the Krispy Kreme Hot Light, and locals knew there would be good goulash tonight. Now they can get fresh meat whenever they want – too bad they can’t afford it.
And, thanks to this website and the internet, TIL the name of that sign Krispy Kreme turns on when fresh doughnuts are available AND while that sign is lit you get a free hot donut with your order, but you have to ask for it at time of purchase.
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Dorothy said on December 29, 2025 at 8:37 am
First time I ever saw a pig’s head in a store was at Jungle Jim’s in Cincinnati. I lived in Cincinnati for 2.5 years. One time my older brother Greg came for a visit and we stopped by Jungle Jim’s so he could get the experience of it (for those uninitiated it’s an amazing grocery store). The pig’s head was wrapped up and my brother, who was probably 56 at the time, just exclaimed over it and laughed like he was a 12 year old.
The conversations in the comments yesterday about thank you notes and weddings made me a little extra sad. Yesterday was my son’s 13th, and last, wedding anniversary. Well, last with THIS wife. They split earlier this year and the divorce will be final pretty soon. But in an already crappy year, it was just the hardest thing to deal with. We live a short walk from his house. The grandkids are so young (8 and 3). I get upset just thinking of all the sadness my granddaughter has experienced since they told her in September. Jack is too little to understand it, but of course they are sleeping in two different houses off and on, and who knows what the long term effects are going to be? I know millions of kids have gone through this. But it feels different when you’re so close to the ones affected.
Fortunately it’s been a pretty ‘amicable’ separation and dissolution, as amicable as something like this can be. It’s not ugly and hateful and I’m grateful for that. We’re all adjusting and doing the best we can. I’ll be really glad to have 2025 in my rear view mirror very soon.
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Dexter Friend said on December 29, 2025 at 8:50 am
I believe it was Howard Hughes who insisted his financial affairs were to be handled either by Jewish accountants or Mormon bank people, as he was sure any other banks and investment groups would rob-him-blind.
When I posted above, I did not know the new coach is a Mormon. We can use some character and honest management in the Sports Departments at UM, Ann Arbor.
I read this about Howard Hughes many years ago, and always joke that when I hit the Big One in a lotto game, I will seek out a Jewish or Mormon wealth management team. People just *sigh* when I tell my little joke…50 years + of playing lotteries and still no “Big One”.
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Julie Robinson said on December 29, 2025 at 10:41 am
Dorothy, darn it! I’m so sorry for everyone, especially because I know you all spent a lot of time together. I hope you can stay close with those grandbabies; they will need your love and stability more than ever.
Based on what I’ve read about Mormon church elders, a Mormon is no more likely to be moral than anyone plucked off the street.
We had a conversation at Christmas about being a child in the Depression, and how everything but the squeal was used from pigs. Also: headcheese. Look it up if you dare. Ptui.
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Sherri said on December 29, 2025 at 12:41 pm
My grandparents used to slaughter their own hog (well before my time), and yes, use every thing. I do remember my mom cooking up pig brains when she could get them.
Whether it’s because he’s a Mormon or not, Kyle Whittingham ran a pretty scandal free and successful program at Utah for twenty years, and because he had already resigned at Utah to make room for his designated successor, there was no buyout required to get him. Given that the coach hiring season had pretty much ended, Michigan is very lucky to get someone as qualified as Whittingham.
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Deborah said on December 29, 2025 at 12:50 pm
Dorothy, as someone who left my marriage and felt the guilt and sadness of making a child’s life torn and complicated, I’m so sorry that your lovely granddaughter is having to go through that. There are organizations that help kids deal with splits in their families. LB went to one called Kids in the Middle when we lived in St. Louis. I feel for your grandson too but as you said he’s younger and not as aware of what is happening. LB was 12, I don’t know how old your granddaughter is now. It’s good that the divorce isn’t acrimonious, that helps too.
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kayak woman said on December 29, 2025 at 12:52 pm
JC also hosts my website and I have had the same issues (on my phone) as you since sometime last summer. They seem to be intermittent these days and I agree with the biblical mystery not to worry about. I am not really a football fan although I do like the ambience of football Saturdays in Ann Arbor and don’t mind having games on TV. I also wonder if being Mormon makes someone more moral than others. I grew up going to Sunday School (mainstream Methodist) but left religion (with my dad’s permission) at 16. I identified hypocrites at an early age.
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ROGirl said on December 29, 2025 at 2:04 pm
Mormons aren’t necessarily more moral than anyone else, but I will never forget seeing 2 short-haired and clean-shaven Mormon boys in their black pants and short-sleeved white shirts
walking along the Cours Mirabeau in Aix-en-Provence, past all the cafes full of people drinking coffee and
wine.
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Jakash said on December 29, 2025 at 2:27 pm
Don’t know if this is related to the website issues, but back when Deborah commented about Wordle I wrote a tedious reply, copied and pasted it, as usual, and hit “Submit comment,” but it didn’t get posted. I tried again about an hour later, but it still didn’t work. So, I gave up at that point and y’all were spared a tedious reply! 😉
I’m of a certain age, like most of the folks around here, and in my experience, nieces, nephews and the great versions that followed were never very apt to acknowledge gifts of any kind. Just recently experienced the wedding-related version that Nancy mentioned, which was a first for us.
Alas, though I’d like to be in high dudgeon about the decades-long trend, when I recall my own failures in sending notes to my own aunts and uncles, I just have to accept that, in my case, what goes around comes around. Oops.
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Dave said on December 29, 2025 at 3:52 pm
I don’t know about Mormon folk being more moral than others, my sister lived in Layton, UT, for several years and she thought much of her street seemed like a little Peyton Place. She thought part of what the cause was all of the young marriages of folks she met and children at a young age. This, of course, was over thirty years ago.
Dorothy, sorry to learn of the divorce, all of my siblings have been divorced, one of them twice, but the second marriages of all but one have lasted decades now. It’s a hard road, my one brother has a son he barely has anything to do with and I think part of it was the divorce when he was a young teen. My sister has a son from her first marriage and he has told my son a couple of times that my sister dotes on her two children from her second marriage more than him. It’s an unknown road to venture down, I’ve been grateful every day that we’re the ones who’ve stayed married. My wife has one brother and they’ve been married for 52 years now, just them, no children.
Pig head, our youngest son, who has spent a considerable amount of time in Peru and Chile, has pictures of a butcher shop in Peru with several pictures of cut up hogs. My father, who grew up on a farm, enjoyed getting a jar of pickled pigs feet occasionally and no one else ever touched it.
I sometimes have this website come up as NOT SAFE when using Safari browser on my phone. Other times, it comes right up without issue.
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Deborah said on December 29, 2025 at 4:23 pm
That “Not Secure” warning comes up every time on my lap top when I click on nn.c, it’s up right now, there’s a triangle with an exclamation point and then the words. I will check and see if it’s on my phone too, hold on, nope not on my phone. I just ignore it.
Only a few days left in Chicago, we leave for NM Saturday. We’ve got complications to Santa Fe from ABQ, the Groome shuttle bus has stopped service since Thanksgiving and the limo service we use sometimes isn’t available Saturday for some reason so we’re taking the train, which is fine, it’s only $4 apiece instead of over $100. It doesn’t always work timing wise for us to take the train but this trip it works out perfectly. The only thing I don’t like about the train are the scary looking guys who hang out around the station in downtown Albuquerque. I’ve never had anyone bother me but I’m not comfortable when I’m waiting for the train. It’s too bad because it’s a fantastic deal, a comfortable ride, sometimes scenic and better for the environment.
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Icarus said on December 29, 2025 at 4:30 pm
Since moving down here, we host Christmas and my wife’s younger sister drives down with her family and their dog. MIl and youngest sister are already down here. So a total of 15 people, two cats (ours) and a dog.
This was actually one of the best visits. There wasn’t any of the usual drama or agenda-struggles. if the only thing I have to complain about is them using every freaking utensil and plate, I call that a success.
And the Chicago Bears though they lost the chance of a first round bye after yesterday’s thrilling shootout against the San Francisco 49ers, have won the division and there will be at least one more week of Bears football for this fan.
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Dorothy said on December 29, 2025 at 5:47 pm
Thanks friends. Three of my four brothers are divorced – one of them twice. My youngest sister is divorced. All have kids. I know the kids get through it but it has to be really difficult for each one. I know my sister’s kids got therapy. My brother Dave’s first wife was alcoholic. She stopped drinking, but the damage was done and the kids were pretty traumatized. They turned out great eventually but had a rough go for awhile. They are both great parents in very good marriages now. So I have resources to turn to when I need a boost. My granddaughter will be 9 in March. She has friends at school and in our neighborhood hood whose parents are split up and some remarried. It’ll be all right eventually. But damn the first year is just f’ed up and sad.
I want to share a cute story about Jack, who will be 4 in March. A couple weeks ago his dad (my son) thought he could smell a certain scent near Jack. He said “Hey buddy, do you have gas?” And Jack smiled at him slyly and said “Daddy, I’m not a CAR!”.
Kid stories make everything better, don’t they?
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annie said on December 29, 2025 at 6:50 pm
my husband’s parents had a very acrimonious divorce back in the 1950’s when he was 4. it was not common then; he didn’t know anybody else whose parents were divorced! hard to believe now.
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Jeff Gill said on December 29, 2025 at 7:30 pm
Just learned this on social media: if you hit play on “In The Air Tonight” by Phil Collins at 11:56:20PM this New Year’s Eve, the epic drum fill will welcome you into 2026. In case you’re up that late!
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LindaG said on December 29, 2025 at 8:18 pm
I am old enough to remember butchering on the farm. A couple uncles and their families were usually involved. I remember an aunt scraping and scraping intestines to get them clean because they would be stuffed with sausage! I know about head cheese too. George’s International Grocery on Broadway (FW) might have pig heads and cow stomachs.
In Iceland in 2024, there were so many wild horses–more horses than people. A couple of us asked our guide if they ate horse meat in Iceland. She quietly said yes. I meant to look for it in the grocery store but forgot.
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Peter said on December 29, 2025 at 10:09 pm
An art dealer I worked with just out of college was a WWII veteran – his art school French classes helped his division out when they went through Normandy.
He told me that when they liberated one particular village, the mayor invited all the troops to a dinner at the town square. There were steaks and roasts for the soldiers, plenty of wine and cider as well.
When my friend talked with the mayor, he asked him how did he get so much meat for the troops? The mayor confessed: it was the family horse.
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Deborah said on December 30, 2025 at 8:50 am
Dorothy, Not to bring up a sore subject but during and after our divorce LB’s dad and I shared custody of her. LB spent 1/2 time with me and 1/2 time with her dad each week. That was hard on her. In hindsight I would have done something different but I’m not sure what that would have been. When LB got older she spent less time with her dad and he was ok with that, his wife wasn’t happy about LB being there, she had never had children and was clueless even though she had been a teacher.
I mention this because the joint custody choice isn’t as easy on the kids as we think it will be. I know one divorced couple who agreed to have the kids stay in their original house and the parents switched back and forth.
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Mark P said on December 30, 2025 at 11:17 am
I just saw an AP story about the government removing panels honoring black soldiers at a US military cemetery in the Netherlands. This shitty government of ours. I hate everything about it. I was washing out some cans to recycle because people have to handle a lot of the mixed recycling, and then I thought that these people are the ones who voted for Trump, and fuckem.
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Icarus said on December 30, 2025 at 12:07 pm
Ah Mark P @ 30: I googled it and was disappointed that it is true. I really don’t see how honoring black WWII soldiers is DEI and I want the few conservative friends I have left on FB to explain it to me but at the same time, I don’t want to post a link that no one will see because of the algorithms.
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Julie Robinson said on December 30, 2025 at 2:59 pm
Tatiana Schlossberg, who wrote so eloquently about her cancer journey, has died at 35. Really puts my issues into perspective. I’m so sad for her family and loved ones.
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Dexter Friend said on December 30, 2025 at 3:49 pm
Divorce papers finalized was a happy day. The breakup was awful, demeaning, demoralizing, incomprehensible feelings of “why, really” , hatred, sadness, and mostly a deep-seated non-aggressive anger.
She packed up her car and left for Virginia with her new man, after numerous encounters with men I thought were my friends. All revealed as she was leaving forever.
But ya know what? Best thing ever. I found a mate and was married 3 years later, for 43 years. So, you just gotta go with the flow. Life is a mystery of happenstance and luck…a crapshoot at best.
I am out the door in a minute to go buy my last lottery tickets until June. I am taking a break to re-coup cash from massive car repair bills. Happy New Year! “…because you never know what the tide may bring in.” 🙂
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Dexter Friend said on December 30, 2025 at 4:00 pm
When I was a young man, 4 of us went to Mexico for an adventure. I remember cheap tequila and stands selling lotteria tickets like young Robert Blake’s character sold “Hobbs” in “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre”. But also, fresh meats, especially chickens, hanging in the open, hot air, thousands of flies buzzing around it all. It made me feel ill. Nuevo Laredo is now a bad place to tour, well, it can be. Depends if it is or is not “all-shooty” that particular day.
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Jeff Gill said on December 30, 2025 at 7:29 pm
An amusing year end app to play with, generating fictitious cover stories from your social media:
https://covers.aesty.ai/knapsack/image/l8xxH9UEUh
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Colleen said on December 30, 2025 at 9:08 pm
Ah head cheese. It ain’t cheese. Some of my Hungarian relatives are fond of it….the same ones who eat kocsonya….aka jellied pig feet. They eat allll the pig.
I’m a fan of thank you notes. I grumbled as a kid when my mom made me write them, but I learned the lesson she was trying to teach me…if someone does something thoughtful, you’ll never go wrong sending a thank you note.
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Sherri said on December 30, 2025 at 9:12 pm
So, I think we attacked Venezuela, but nobody’s completely sure Trump didn’t just make it up? And Congress is just ignoring the whole thing. Certainly, we bombed Nigeria. And we’ve bombed Somalia, Yemen, and Iran during Trump’s first year of his second term (to date, he could still bomb a few more countries in the next few weeks.)
But sure, he’s the peace president. Give him a shiny prize, FIFA.
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Sherri said on December 30, 2025 at 10:26 pm
You tell your father, who’s 85 and lonely after your mother has died, to go on an online dating site. Next thing you know, he’s remarried, to someone who tried to assassinate the president.
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/12/30/style/she-tried-to-kill-a-president-he-loved-her-anyway.html?unlocked_article_code=1.A1A.jCgx.Urhirb7Cj3qg&smid=url-share
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