It appears spring is finally here. I kept the windows open all night and woke to the distant sounds of the early morning traffic on the freeway. (It’s not quite a mile distant.) I’m trying mightily to get back into three-posts-a-week mode, but as I noted earlier, current events are coming along so fast I don’t feel capable of dealing with them, something I have in common with millions of my countrymen.

That said, here are three stories to discuss, all gift links, two about you-know-who, the last just good writing.

First, we have the stupidest story of the lot, how the Secretary of the Navy was fired, because he couldn’t conjure a new class of battleships on an impossible timeline:

“They’ll be the fastest, the biggest and by far — 100 times more powerful than any battleship ever built,” Mr. Trump boasted at a news conference at his Mar-a-Lago estate and resort in Florida a few days before Christmas. (John) Phelan, a billionaire investor who has a home near the club, stood next to the president as he made the announcement.

Mr. Phelan’s job was to deliver the first of Mr. Trump’s battleships by 2028.

Fucking battleships. When we’re currently in a war where the deadliest weapon is a cheap drone. But wait, there’s more:

Presidents rarely pay close attention to military procurement, but Mr. Trump has spoken repeatedly about his plans for a new “Trump-class” battleship. In a February speech to soldiers at Fort Bragg, N.C., Mr. Trump insisted that he had helped design the new class of ships that bear his name.

“I put a little more spirit in the hull,” Mr. Trump told the troops. “I want that ship to look gorgeous, you know.”

For Mr. Trump, the ships recalled “Victory at Sea,” a documentary television series that ran in the 1950s and touted the role that battleships and other Navy vessels played in World War II.

“Did you ever see ‘Victory at Sea?’ ” he mused to reporters in January when talking about the new battleships. “What a great thing that is to watch!”

I can’t stand it. Meanwhile, the next target for the pimping of the capitol:

Next up on President Trump’s renovation tour of Washington, D.C.: the Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool, which he called “filthy” and “dirty” and in need of a major upgrade.

The president appears to think it should look more like a Florida swimming pool, because that’s who he’s hiring to “improve” it:

He said one contractor proposed removing the pool’s granite and replacing it with stone as part of a three-year renovation that would cost $300 million.

“I said, ‘No, there’s a better way of doing it,’” Mr. Trump recalled. “I said, ‘What we’re going to do is I’m going to call all three of these people that have worked for me in the past doing swimming pools.” He said he told the contractors to “give me a good price,” and one agreed to do the job for $1.5 million to $2 million.

He said the contractor began work two weeks ago and has “scrubbed” the surface of the pool.

“Now we have a nice, clean surface on which we’re putting an industrial grade swimming pool topping,” Mr. Trump said in a video on social media. “They said, ‘What color would you like, sir? It’s called American flag blue. I said, ‘That’s the color I want; I want American flag blue.’”

Blue. It’s not a fucking swimming pool, you brainless twit. It’s a symbol of tranquility and, y’know, reflection. Now it’s going to look like a water feature in the middle of a shopping mall. Which, p.s., don’t even have blue liners anymore.

Finally, I gotta note the passing of Joy Harmon, who fans of “Cool Hand Luke” might remember as the girl washing the car in front of the chain gang. A very well-done obit:

Joy Harmon, who needed only three minutes, a bucket of soapy water and a housedress held together with a safety pin to sear herself into Hollywood history as a chain-gang prisoner’s fantasy come to life in the classic 1967 film “Cool Hand Luke,” died on April 14 in Los Angeles. She was 87.

The scene itself.

“Anybody look dat good got to be named Lucille,” as George Hamilton said. “Pop, safety pin, pop!”

OK, that’s enough for Friday. See you next week.