Even as a native Buckeye, I don’t think I came across the rural Ohio hamlet of East Palestine once before that train derailed there a while back, and here it pops up again on Monday:
San Francisco 49ers owner Jed York pleaded no contest Monday to two misdemeanor charges after his arrest in East Palestine, Ohio, over the weekend.
Columbiana County court records show that York was ordered to serve one day in jail for each charge, to be served concurrently, and was given one day of credit for time served. He also paid two fines totaling $1,150.
Also according to those court records, York’s initial charge was “engaging in prostitution,” which was reduced to disorderly conduct and possessing criminal tools, and that “$160 seized shall be forfeited to MVHTFF (Mahoning Valley Human Trafficking Task Force).” When reached by USA TODAY Sports, the MVHTFF did not immediately have additional information.
What, one might ask, is the owner of the San Francisco NFL franchise doing in East Palestine, allegedly sporting with hookers? I asked my Ohio sports-news authority, who replied:
His mom is the sister of previous team owner Eddie DeBartolo, another Youngstown mafioso who was busted on a similar charge some years back. They just like that dirty trailer trash.
Ah, well. That makes sense. Robert Kraft, the Patriots owner, was busted for patronizing one of those massage parlors employing…what was the name of the place? Orchids of Asia Day Spa. It must have something to do with constant exposure to the heart-stopping beauties who populate the ranks of NFL cheerleading squads. One seeks something different, the way a man who can eat all the lobster and caviar his heart desires sometimes might enjoy a hot dog, just as a change of pace.
Anyway, thinking of East Palestine reminded me of one of Charlie LeDuff’s more ridiculous columns, when he was still employed by The Detroit News:
The poor folks of East Palestine, Ohio.
There they stood last week, staring into the sky, hoping to catch a glimpse of Air Force One, which at that very moment was supposed to be flying overhead — 150 miles from the White House as the crow flies — making its way from Washington D.C. to Detroit.
Yeah, I totally believe that happened.
Now it’s Tuesday, and I still haven’t got this done. My freelance work ramps up this week and next, culminating with Labor Day weekend, and after that I’ll have about a month of summer to enjoy. In the meantime, two items from the You Can’t Make This Shit Up file:
The racist racists in the Trump administration, including the director of the Art in Embassies program, describes this painting as “aesthetically terrifying” and “very woke.”
The racist who described it as such is Erin Scavino. Remember that name.
President Donald Trump said he is considering changing the name of Lake Ontario, the easternmost of the Great Lakes spanning the U.S.-Canada border, to Lake America, as the U.S.-Canada trade fight escalates.
“The United States is giving serious consideration to changing the name of Lake Ontario to Lake America in that we don’t expect to doing much business with Ontario any longer,” he wrote on Truth Social on Tuesday morning.
I hate the president. And all his racist toadies. That is all. Better get this up before something else derails me.