Before Jimmy Carter’s grave grows too much grass, I want to talk about his funeral a little more. It was, of course, interesting to see the seating of the first few rows, where the former presidents and other dignitaries were placed. There was a certain chatter, especially on the right-wing socials, about a shot of Obama smiling as Trump talked to him, which, depending on your degree of insanity, either means UNIPARTY or SEE THEY GET ALONG, SO PUT US BACK ON YOUR CHRISTMAS-CARD LIST. To me, it looked like polite cordiality, but that might be my own prejudice.
Melania looked utterly miserable. Karen Pence stared straight ahead and refused to look at Trump. Michelle Obama was said to have “a scheduling conflict” that could mean anything, but I’m choosing to think it meant no, I will not sit next to that racist piece of shit and you can’t make me. And I was struck by this photo:
The Quayles, Dan and Marilyn, of course. Now, we just watched “The Substance” this weekend, and I will never shame a woman for not going all-in on the insanity of cosmetic surgery, or even procedures. Part of me is glad she doesn’t give a shit about being anything other than properly presentable; I mean, she’s 75 now, and that’s a good thing, as anyone who’s checked out party pix from Mar-a-lago can attest. No one looks their best at a funeral, and it would be gross if anyone put in too much effort. It’s not about you. My only note, as we say in Hollywood, is that it’s time to rethink the hairstyle you’ve had since…at least 1984:
I haven’t thought about this woman in nearly that long. She will forever be fixed in my mind with the late ’80s, in Indiana, when she smiled sometimes but often had that who-farted look on her face. When I’m feeling empathetic, I think it must be terrible to be a smart woman who sailed through law school, and had the sort of steel-trap mind that drove her to choose induced labor for her first child, so that she could take the bar exam on schedule. (She was said to have sat on an inflatable donut.) She always seemed to be about 30 IQ points smarter than her husband, but she was imprisoned by her own politics, which called for her to be happy as a mommy and not ask for anything more. When I’m not feeling empathetic, I recall she was always kind of a bitch; I remember reading that she was distressed to learn the expensive D.C. private school she was enrolling her kids in also had the children of journalists in the student body, like our kids were common white trash who should have been happy in public schools.
It sounds like I’m saying I wish she was softer, but I’m not. I give her credit for her comment, when someone tried to imply her husband had screwed some woman he met at a golf tournament, something like: “Anyone who knows Dan Quayle knows he’d rather play golf than have sex.”
The world needs bitches, too, and this was before the modern political era, when an army of stylists would have descended upon her, dressed her in different clothes, cut and styled her hair and done their best to Stepford-ize her into something she wasn’t. People project whatever they want on you, anyway. Melania is a bitch, too, but there are millions of MAGA chuds who think she’s warm and elegant. Bottom line, Washington is a hard place to be anyone’s spouse, particularly at this level.
So yeah, we saw “The Substance.” An interesting movie overall, but very gory and, as so often is the case these days, about 15 minutes too long. Recommended for an inexpensive rental, but I’ll never watch it again. Demi Moore is naked for much of it, and Margaret Qualley ditto. Although one plays the used-up Older Woman and the other the super-hot Younger Woman, both look pretty ghastly rolling around in a white-tiled bathroom, but that is the point, I think. We rented “Conclave” on Saturday night, and it was way better than I expected.
The week ahead! Let’s enjoy it! We finally have some snow on the ground, so yay.
alex said on January 12, 2025 at 2:53 pm
Ah, Marilyn. I remember in 1984 they were making fun of her for wearing a hairstyle from 1964.
After GHW Bush and Dan Quayle were turned out of office after one term, Marilyn and her sister Nancy Tucker Northcott went on to write conservative potboiler fiction. Their first novel, entitled Embrace the Serpent, was embraced by Theater Oobleck, a Chicago satirical troupe who made raucous fun of it and used it as the basis for a sendup of Dan Quayle’s subsequent efforts to run for president. I remember they had a Fozzie Bear puppet to play the role of David Gergen. Very slapstick and off-the-wall.
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Jakash said on January 12, 2025 at 2:59 pm
“it’s time to rethink the hairstyle you’ve had since … at least 1984”
As someone who’s had the same hairstyle since about 1964, I resemble that remark. Once I was released to my own recognizance after an early lifetime of enforced buzz cuts, I refused to have it that short again. For a while I was in step. Then I was mystified in the ’80s or ’90s or whenever it was that I noticed my buddies’ teenage sons going for the really short look voluntarily. The general consensus is that mine has always been too long — not Bob Seger or Dave Grohl long, just mid-’60s Beatles long. Alas, my concern is not the length, but the amount missing from the top. But I refuse to even consider shaving my head, another popular option that cropped up to my mystification.
I remember once, decades ago, when a woman coworker remarked upon my recent haircut. Every 4 – 6 months, I would get it presentably trimmed and then let it go wild again. I griped, “why do you always mention my haircuts and not the other guys'”? To which she replied that since my haircuts were so infrequent, they were much more noticeable. I couldn’t argue with that!
tl;dr Mrs. Quayle’s hair is fine by me…
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Jakash said on January 12, 2025 at 3:09 pm
Tried to add this, but it didn’t work.
What I wonder is how often Marilyn Quayle and Margaret Qualley are mentioned in such proximity to each other. 😉
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BigHank53 said on January 12, 2025 at 3:25 pm
I started shaving my head about twenty years ago. It wasn’t so much thinning hair as the fact that my hair was, itself, very thin—thin enough that it wasn’t doing anything. My scalp wasn’t any paler where the hair had been. The heck with it. I think I’ve spent about a hundred and fifty bucks on clippers over the years.
I will grant that I was fortunate enough to have an ordinary-shaped skull and ears that don’t stick out too much.
I do have a female co-worker who gets a military cut and then grows it out to collar length. So a haircut about every eight months or so.
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Deborah said on January 12, 2025 at 3:52 pm
I’ve got the bob haircut which I’ve had most of my life, seriously, since about 3rd or 4th grade. Every once in a while my mother gave me a perm to try to get some waves, but all it did was frizz. Sometimes I had bangs too, I called it the little dutch boy do. I’ve had it off and on long and short but I always seem to come back to the bob about chin length, no bangs. I went through a phase in my midteens when I had a Beatles, kind of bowl cut. In my later teens it was parted in the middle shoulder length in a flip, that flip was impossible to keep for a whole day. My hair color was white blond for my early years, then blond, then dirty blond, then silvery, now white, it’s been white now for about 35 or 40 years, it turned fairly early.
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Jeff Borden said on January 12, 2025 at 4:21 pm
Have you seen the photo posted by the Carter Center of all the presidents seated at the funeral…except one. The photographer used a pillar inside the cathedral to block out tRump and Melanoma. Pretty cool. No wonder they seated them at the end of the aisle. They’re horrible people. They deserve each other.
By the way, when tRump is sworn in, who will hold the bible? Melania or Elonia?
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Jeff Gill said on January 12, 2025 at 4:59 pm
Speaking of David Gergen, just learned he is in care with dementia. His daughter was talking on some program about her father and caregiving, a subject that my ears pick up through three walls and around corners, even if I don’t register which platform I heard it on.
Loved the interaction between Obama & W. I have no doubt when Michelle heard protocol meant she had to sit between Barack & Donald (“Isn’t this cozy? boy-girl, boy-girl?” ~ Danny Kaye, White Christmas) said “Honey, there is no way on God’s green earth I am going; I can watch it on CNN, then.”
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David C said on January 12, 2025 at 5:51 pm
Whoever holds the bible, I believe it will light up in neon saying “Replicas of this bible are available for sale for $199.98, proceeds going to my favorite charity, ME!” A sort of waving of the green flag to start the grifting.
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Brandon said on January 12, 2025 at 8:45 pm
I remember reading that she was distressed to learn the expensive D.C. private school she was enrolling her kids in also had the children of journalists in the student body
Check out page 68 of the December 1991 issue of Spy magazine.
https://books.google.com/books?id=HGuuh5SIk_8C&pg=PA68&dq
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