I really don’t want to be like this, but it’s hot again and I’m back to hate-reading the publications that cross my path, some of which I even pay for.
For instance, a lame-ass op-ed published by the Detroit News, written by none other than Ted Nugent. It’s about better management of wildlife, a table Ted and I could sit down at and maybe find at least a little common ground. Deer are popping up in my suburb all the time now; on one of the local Facebook pages, a woman said she came across a doe with three fawns on a nighttime walk this week. I always heard that deer will have twin fawns when the livin’ is easy, but I never heard of triplets before.
The Canada geese are so plentiful now that when a beach closes for e.coli, it’s as likely to be because of goose poop than human.
There are other issues, but the bottom line is: I don’t object to hunting and never have. It’s an important part of managing the ecosystem in the absence of natural predators, and I don’t think anyone wants to release a wolf pack in suburbia. For now, it’s Bambi vs. cars.
Unfortunately, from this promising beginning…
Wise use — it’s common sense to us attentive common citizens, and our hearts and instincts compel us to perform our clear and obvious responsibilities to participate in God’s miraculous creation as conscientious hands-on stewards in harmony with nature.
…things go downhill:
Wild game and wildlife are thriving across North America as a direct result of this proven conservation model, and out of touch, even corrupt bureaucrats, and the equally disconnected fantasy-driven uneducated nature haters that they mistakenly listen to are a very dangerous scourge that good, caring people must be ever vigilant of and willing to push back and stop at all costs.
Those real-world healing powers of nature is what I have dedicated my life to, and the embarrassment of mismanagement in my beloved birth-state of Michigan must no longer be tolerated.
This, I think, is going to be the hardest stain to scrub out of the country, if it can even be done, once Ted and company have gone to their reward: “Bureaucrats” must never be overmatched, or even incompetent. They must be corrupt, which suggests maybe they were bought off by Big Bambi, I dunno. Ted goes on for a bit about patriotism (he’s performing his “we, the people” responsibilities, he says); more corruption, this time “blatant”; and finally gets to the point: He wants to shoot not only deer, but bear, mourning doves and sandhill cranes, which birdwatchers know as lovely creatures and he calls the “ribeye in the sky.” They damage crops.
Mourning dove hunting comes up from time to time; they’re not a nuisance, but they do flush in a manner that trap and skeet shooters enjoy, once they get bored with clays. And bears can be a pain in the ass around unsecured garbage, for sure, but the answer seems to be: Secure the garbage. Also, limit or eliminate all food sources, including deer corn and bird feeders.
Ted disagrees, needless to say. The answer is: Whack ’em and stack ’em.
Mostly I wouldn’t object, but he ignores the obvious problem here. What do you do about those wildlife that have moved to suburbia? Make the deer season all year, hell I don’t care, but I would care about bullets, crossbow bolts or even arrows whizzing through the neighborhood, and this is where most of the so-called problem deer are. Canada geese, ditto — they can shit in the middle of the lake all they want, but they like placid places like parks and golf courses, another place it’s difficult to bump them off without risking hitting a kid, or a duffer. Extending the season on up-north deer isn’t going to do anything for down-here deer.
And anyone who could kill a sandhill crane because they gobbled up some farmer’s soybeans ought to move to Texas, or some other bloodstained shithole. That’s where Ted lives, anyway.
Let’s move on. Let’s treat Edward Coristine, aka “Big Balls,” the way his camp treated — treats — anyone in the other camp who suffers a misfortune. If you haven’t heard, BB, a protege of Elon Musk and a DOGE “worker,” was injured in what police are calling an attempted carjacking in Washington. From the WP:
Coristine was assaulted around 3 a.m. Sunday in the city’s Logan Circle neighborhood by a group of teenagers attempting to carjack him and a woman whom police identified as his significant other, according to authorities.
Three a.m. on a school night? Whatever could BB and his girlfriend be doing out in the District at that hour? Could they have been buying drugs? Googling can you buy ketamine on the street in Logan Circle n’hood right now.
OK, I must scoot. After nearly 10 days in the shop, my car is being liberated later today. Time to flex the Amex card and go for a drive. Have a great weekend.