Wheels up.


As much as I hate to say it, this is about it for me. Tomorrow is our departure for the southern hemisphere. There’s an internet cafe down the street from our hotel. I will try to blog. I do not promise to blog. I will certainly take good notes for a big upload in eight days or so, but no promises for in between.

In the meantime, I’ll leave you with this timeless image of Christmas. What? You mean you don’t have a white fiber-optic Christmas tree covered with Holiday Barbie ornaments? Get one.

See you, oh, a week from Friday? Sounds about right.

UPDATE: OK, I can’t stand it. I have to leave you with this, a remarkably straight account on, er, “alternative” naming (of actual children, mind you), by a Freep columnist:

Of late, the surprise inspiration for names has been products. In researching a list from the Social Security Administration of babies born in 2000, Evans found 273 boys and 298 girls named Armani, and 526 boys and 741 girls names Harley.

Cars and alcohol seem to inspire names; perhaps the combination was the inspiration for the children themselves. Evans has noticed a smattering of names like: Skyy, Champagne, Chianti, Chardonnay, Courvoisie(r) and Guinness, along with Lexus, Infiniti, Jetta and Camry.

A couple years ago, a particularly heinous murder in the Fort was perpetrated by a man named Ronrico. “That’s what his mom was drinking the night she conceived him,” I told Alan. I meant it as a joke; little did I know.

Sounds like a good time to flee the country.

Posted at 10:27 pm in Uncategorized |

3 responses to “Wheels up.”

  1. Brian said on December 9, 2003 at 1:57 pm

    Great stuff, ddg. I was a bit disappointed that you didn’t have any San Diego area inspired Barbies, but then again, that probably is appropriate. 🙂

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  2. alex said on December 11, 2003 at 4:56 pm

    This just in–a FW: from a fellow Chicagophile:

    Highland Park Barbie:

    This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the Lexus or BMW SUV, gets lost easily, and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit.

    Cicero Barbie:

    This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a low-rider Chevrolet with oversized wheels and tinted windows and a Meth Lab Ken. Also available in a Mexican version.

    Lincoln Park Barbie:

    This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2, Starbucks cup, credit card and shallow Ken.

    Peoria Barbie:

    This white-trash model comes in Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, big hair, a six pack of Coors Light And a Hank, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and she can kick Ken’s hiney when she’s drunk. A pickup is available with Confederate flag bumper stickers.

    Halsted Barbie:

    This Barbie actually comes in two variations. One has long gray hair and arch-less feet, Berkenstocks, no makeup and a mutt. Or Boycut brown highlighted hair, Ambercrombie T and cargos, combat boots and a pitbull.

    Humboldt Barbie:

    This bee-atch of a Barbie comes with a knife to stab other Barbies in the back, miniskirt and tons of makeup. They are working on developing an “Hyde Park Barbie,” but she keeps getting shot.

    Lake Forest and Kenilworth Barbie:

    This True Blonde shops exclusively in town. She drives a Land Rover (sold separately). She has an MBA from Northwestern but has never worked outside the home. Her child’s stroller is bigger than your house and her tennis trophies are discreetly hidden behind CEO Ken’s golf trophies. She knows enough Spanish to talk with the nanny; Tagalog to speak to the cook; and Polish for the house painter and housekeeper respectively. Her

    family owns a winery in Napa, but she buys cases of “2-Buck Chuck” at Trader Joe’s. Hence the need for the rear-loading Land Rover.

    Berwyn Barbie:

    Big hair sprayed black with overdone makeup and housecoat, cooks up a batch of mean meatballs and lasagna. Comes with plastic covered sofas.

    Wrigleyville Barbie:

    Cubs hat and tank top, bleacher tan, Kosher hotdog and overpriced Old Style in hand.

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  3. KCK said on December 11, 2003 at 6:50 pm

    Here’s the perfect gift for Santa to give to Nancy:


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