How did Dear Abby do it? (Or was it Ann Landers?)
PERSONAL to: Maureen. You were right. The real reason to get an ice-cream maker is to mix up some frozen cocktails. Those Tolstinis were excellent, and tonight’s margaritas were likewise. My only regret is I didn’t pull together a fish-taco meal to go with it, but by the second margarita, who cares? Alan had a rough day at work today, and it felt like a true kindness to greet him at the door with a frosty cocktail in a frosty glass.
Now to work on my body, so the next time, I can be wearing a peignoir.
I’m a little surprised more people didn’t comment on the Schwarzenegger story. Maybe it was just me; I had an e-mail exchange yesterday with one of my freelance clients over why I hadn’t been paid yet, and at one point it occurred to me that the amount in question amounted to an evening-out expense report for four executives, and yet it’s ridiculously important for my fragile finances. And Arnold is getting at least a million a year — from a magazine. To consult. I can’t stand it.
I hasten to add, though, that the money is about the only thing I’m not liking about my new life. I write what I want, which is all I want. I just need to figure out a way to write more. And to rewrite my screenplay, finish the treatment on the second, and squeeze in some short stories and/or a novel. Maybe I need a consulting contract.
And I won’t be doing it while school is out, it’s clear. Even with one relatively unscheduled child, it’s amazing how quickly the days pass, and how unproductive they can be, due to the constant interruptions. I’m experimenting with the Digital Underground philosophy of child-rearing, i.e., “Doowutchyalike.” The problem is, whenever I say this, which I put in non-hip-hop language thusly, “Please don’t come to me for every little problem you have. If you want a popsicle, get a popsicle. If you’re having trouble with your friends, work it out between you. If you’re thirsty, pour yourself some lemonade. Just use common sense” — well, it backfires. I come downstairs to find three girls watching Nickelodeon On Demand and jumping on the couch.
“The key phrase here is: Use common sense.”
Actually, you might want to turn away now, and you certainly won’t want to click this (image-free) link in the presence of bosses or small children, but when I read a story that begins, “Is there any way of making my anus more pink or lighter in color? Mine is dark and I hate it. Any suggestions?” — well, I’m going to read the rest of it. It’s an interesting look at just where on the long continuum of body modification everything tips into lunacy.
And even though there’s just, you know, the one piece, I think that’s enough for you folks. Is it the weekend already? It is. Have a good one.
Bartleby said on July 14, 2005 at 11:59 pm
Wow. Bleach job … wow, wow, wow. You know, that’s the magic of the internets. Sit down, put hand to mouse, and there’s truly no telling just what you might see or read after a click or two.
Backdoor bleach. Truly, really, no-kidding bizarre, that it.
Bartleby said on July 15, 2005 at 12:01 am
“That is,” I meant to type. I’m going to have to learn how to do this one of these days soon.
mary said on July 15, 2005 at 1:18 am
Aargh. I have one 11 year old home for the summer with unscheduled time, and I’m attempting to close two, possibly three deals. He visits me to see if he can call a friend, have some milk, go outside to play basketball, put a bandaid on a scratch…
His older brother usually provides some entertainment and discipline, but older brother is on “C” track at his school. He starts in July, is out for November and December, out again for May and June. Younger son is starting middle school this September. He will be off in January and February, back in March, out in July and August. In other words, I will never have both kids to entertain each other for the next three years. Except on Christmas and Thanksgiving. This home office thing is looking less attractive.
Sleepaway camp is only two weeks off! Yay.
mary said on July 15, 2005 at 1:24 am
…and don’t get me started about Arnold. The reasons to find his governorship or whatever you call it objectionable are many. He’s a sexist bully. He’s phenomenally greedy. He’s also no better than, and in my opinion a lot worse than, the guy he got recalled. People voted for him thinking they might get another Reagan, and they got Jesse Ventura with more money, a higher IQ, and very powerful friends. I read somewhere that Maria Schriver vets everything that NBC reports about Arnold. Anti-Arnold doesn’t make it to the air.
Maureen said on July 15, 2005 at 1:33 am
Glad you like the cocktails. I never think there’s enough alcohol in them, but that’s just me.
Kevin Hayden said on July 15, 2005 at 7:23 am
I just saw that particular TV show 2-3 days ago. The porn star came in, gushing about how the rest of her was perfect (yeah, right) and she wanted a perfect ass, too.
Vanity may have a fair ass, but there are far better parts of a woman to feast one’s eyes upon, with or without bleach. And I couldn’t help but wonder who would bend over in front of a mirror to see their butthole to begin with? I get enough butthole watching viewing Faux News.
harry near indy said on July 15, 2005 at 7:43 am
well, you could always use makeup back there …
and don’t worry, nance, we in the midwest are usually two to three years behind the latest trends from the coasts, so it won’t hit here any time soon.
danno said on July 15, 2005 at 8:37 am
Thanks for the interesting link Nance! Now I’ll be ‘tensing up’ all day long every time I think about that article!! Ouch…bleach on my tookus?!Heading to ‘the fort’ this weekend for 3RF. I’ve heard it has gone way downhill in the past few years, especially the beer tent. Sad.
Randy said on July 15, 2005 at 9:11 am
This butt bleaching seems to be a reality that emerged from a myth. I remember somebody writing a short work of fiction about being the assistant to a famous TV star, and having to spend an entire day finding out if anyone could fix that one “imperfection” on an otherwise perfect body. It went around the net until people thought it was true. And now it is.
But since we already have v*ginaplasty available, it’s not a surprise, I guess.
colleen said on July 15, 2005 at 9:32 am
Hooookay. I thought it was bad that a deodorant company wants me to worry about the attractiveness of my armpits. Now I find there’s a whole (ahem) new inadequacy I need to fret over. Swell.
And re: the constant interruptions—I’m in an office all day, and my day sounds a lot like what you described, minus the cable tv.
Dorothy said on July 15, 2005 at 11:30 am
Just when I thought I’d heard everything….
mary said on July 15, 2005 at 11:44 am
You aren’t paying attention. It’s underarms, not pits. The tag line on the commercial is,”armpits to underarms in 30 days.” What the hell is that supposed to mean? I wonder what the anal equivalent would be? Asshole to what in 30 days?
Dorothy said on July 15, 2005 at 1:15 pm
…asshole to anal bliss?
mary said on July 15, 2005 at 2:04 pm
I’ve given it more thought. Once an asshole, always an asshole. At least in my experience.
Dorothy said on July 15, 2005 at 2:26 pm
Perfect, Mary! Simply perfect!