Yikes.

You’ve heard of a bad hair day? I woke up having a bad hair, face and body day. The dreaded triple! And, ironically, on the first day in many that I actually feel pretty good, my cold having been defeated by the superior forces of Immune System Systems, Ltd. My plan for early this morning was to rake leaves under the dreary gray sky. Then I saw myself, and thought, not even that, until I get a shower, a little mascara and a two-week juice fast.

Of course I feel this way. It’s November. My birth month, Kate’s birth month, Alan’s birth month — one long sprint from Halloween to the holidays. Anyone would fall apart midway through.

But speaking of women and their looks. I saw Queen Noor the former Lisa Halaby (sorry, but I find it impossible to call American women by their phony-baloney Arab-royalty titles, particularly when they rule over a place like Jordan) on Anderson Cooper the other day. She is a beautiful woman, in the Grace Kelly mode — an American girl elevated to a profoundly un-American place, and seemingly rather conflicted over it. She was talking about the bombing in Amman, of course, not saying much of any real interest; I recall something about Jordan being like one big family. So my attention wandered to her perfectly made up and chemically frozen face. I’m not one of those women who can read plastic surgery at a glance — it’s just not that interesting to me — but it’s hard not to notice when a woman is speaking of a tragic bombing in her adopted country and she can’t seem to make a facial expression of concern about it.

It was remarkable. Her lips were moving, and occasionally her eyebrows would make a heroic move of a millimeter or two, but otherwise, her face was as animated as porcelain. She seemed to know this, and was compensating by moving her head instead, little darting motions here and there that never gave the camera operator problems, but presented the semi-illusion of a spirit behind the words.

Very strange. I’ve never been a beauty, so I never had to worry about the Tragedy of Losing One’s Looks. (Like Nora Ephron, I’ve found that I tend to gain them over time.) It frequently seems beauty masks a howling void of insecurity.

I read somewhere that Lisa’s husband had a thing for the nannies. Figures.

OK, bloggage:

The Journal Gazette back in the Fort has been doing a lively series of editorials lately, “When One Party Rules,” addressing the county’s decades-long path under an insurmountable GOP majority. It’s been amusing, if for no other reason than this: The GOP likes to market itself as the party of frugal spending and lean government, when in truth they’re as greedy as any profligate Democrat administration, when given the chance to feed at the public trough.

But this editorial points out one of my favorite strange quirks of Indiana law, one that never failed to get a jaw-dropping reaction from newly arriving reporters in my time there: In the Hoosier state, county sheriffs are in charge of collecting delinquent taxes. And to make it worth their while, they get to skim 10 percent off the top of any monies collected.

Not for their office-administration fund, mind you. For the Support Your Local Sheriff’s Bahamian Vacation fund. For his (or her) personal salary.

As my ex-colleague Bill said, when he heard this: “Where are we? Medieval France?”

P.S. How much extra did the Allen County sheriff earn through this little fringe benefit in 2004? Only $128,334.

Nice work if you can get it.

Now to the showers, before I break any more mirrors around here.

Posted at 9:01 am in Uncategorized |
 

17 responses to “Yikes.”

  1. brian stouder said on November 15, 2005 at 9:30 am

    “I’ve never been a beauty”

    bzzzzt!!! wrong-oh!

    I realize you’re not fishing for compliments, but that remark is simply untrue. Granted – I’ve only seen you ‘in person’ on two occasions, 20 years ago; but you came across televsion quite well, and your N-S pic was always pleasant – and to top it off, you have a great voice for radio (coupled to a lively MIND – which is a rare, rare thing on Ft Wayne radio stations)

    Anyway – couldn’t let that one go by

  2. Nance said on November 15, 2005 at 9:38 am

    OK, stop now.

    The other day I saw Sarah Silverman, a woman whom I could not hold a mascara brush to, referred to as “average pretty.” By that scale, I think “not a beauty” is a kind description. But never mind that. I have a different scale than most people, I guess. I still think Richard Belzer is hot. (Although, objectively, I recognize that George Clooney is probably the better candidate for GQ’s cover. He’s hot, too. Totally.)

  3. brian stouder said on November 15, 2005 at 11:44 am

    “I still think Richard Belzer is hot. (Although, objectively, I recognize that George Clooney is probably the better candidate for GQ’s cover. He’s hot, too. Totally.”

    It is not original to say this – but the undeniable truth of the cliche’ keeps reasserting itself to me –

    as women become adults their ‘ideal’ tastes generally shift to older men; and as men age, their “ideal” remains stuck (by and large) on young women.

    So that these waifs that constantly populate the covers on the magazine racks look more and more like the girls in the neighhborhood, while the men look like their fathers

  4. 4dbirds said on November 15, 2005 at 1:39 pm

    I had lunch with Sarah Silverman in a deli a few weeks ago. Well she had lunch in her booth and I had lunch in mine. 🙂

  5. Nance said on November 15, 2005 at 1:44 pm

    And what did she have? The pastrami on rye? Potato salad?

  6. mary said on November 15, 2005 at 1:46 pm

    Oh. My. God. I think Richard Belzer is hot too. My excuse is that he looks like an old boyfriend of mine, but he doesn’t seem to be an asshole like the old boyfriend was.

  7. deb said on November 15, 2005 at 2:47 pm

    i sense an interesting thread starting here. i agree on richard belzer. i’d also add miguel ferrer, especially during his “twin peaks” gig, and j.k. simmons, the acerbic newspaper editor in the spiderman movies and also — much sexier — the shrink in “law and order.” oooooh,

  8. brian stouder said on November 15, 2005 at 3:23 pm

    Rachel Ray, baby! She can poor EVOO in my house any ol’ time

  9. Dorothy said on November 15, 2005 at 5:20 pm

    Sorry, I ain’t seeing it with Richard Belzer. But Colin Firth definitely has my vote! I never was one to swoon over George Clooney – the only thing I like about him is his eyes.

    But what matters more to me than looks is the ability to make me laugh. So I think I made the right choice in husbands! No one makes me laugh like he does!

  10. mary said on November 16, 2005 at 1:12 am

    Ditto on Miguel Ferrer. My neighbor Rob looks like him, and a few of the moms in the playground get tongue tied when he’s around.

  11. joodyb said on November 16, 2005 at 11:06 am

    ditto miguel ferrer. and his dad.

  12. mary said on November 16, 2005 at 12:37 pm

    Raphael Ferrer, who is Jose’s brother and Miguel’s uncle, was the teacher of the class in art school where I met the boyfriend who looks like Richard Belzer. Spooky, eh?

  13. brian stouder said on November 16, 2005 at 1:41 pm

    hahahahahahahahaha!!!

    Too funny, Mary!

  14. 4dbirds said on November 16, 2005 at 2:18 pm

    Sorry about being so late in responding. Sarah had what appeared to be a Rueben. I didn’t figure out who she was until I left. I kept staring at her thinking she was familiar and finally it hit me. I looked her up on the web once I got home just to be sure.

  15. ashley said on November 16, 2005 at 5:11 pm

    Sarah Silverman? Jimmy Kimmel left his wife for her? I don’t get it.

    The Belz, on the other hand, is married to Lady Chatterly. Yeah, that one. Boo yah!

    Me, I now have the hots for Sofia Vergara. And Jennifer Love Hewitt.

  16. basset said on November 17, 2005 at 12:40 pm

    there are two kinds of beauty… the highly-processed, art-directed movie and magazine cover kind… and the genuine kind, someone you’d actually encounter in real life.

    or, in male terms, “someone you might possibly have a shot at”…

  17. harry near indy said on November 20, 2005 at 5:24 am

    iirc, under indiana state law, the county sheriff gets a lot of profits from commissary sales and other small things like that.

    some say crime does not pay. some say law enforcement, if you get into the right office, sure as hell does.