I cannot tell a lie: Last night I kept one eye on the ice dancing while I was working, and day-um, it was great. Those Italians, who stared each other down? Priceless. I wanted subtitles: You clumsy piece of left-footed crap!

NBC, for once committing journalism, offers a good gallery of the sequined carnage. And Slate has it all in a nutshell: Given that ice dancing seems to require little more than basic coordination, mediocre rhythm, a terrible outfit, and a cheerleader grin, these falls border on the surreal. You would expect such a performance from Will Ferrell. You expect more from your Olympians. Thank goodness these wobbly ballerinas defied my expectations. Tonight, for the first time, I’ll turn on the Olympics with the express purpose of watching the ice dancing finals. I don’t care who wins, but I’ll be hoping that someone falls.