The stripper procrastinates.

It’s a mixed grill of bloggage that should lead to some fine snarkage in the comments today. Why? Because I have phone calls to make and another wallpaper border to strip. Since all the wallpaper in this house seems to have been applied with a space-age formulation of cement and epoxy, I don’t have time to dawdle. (Just once, I want to strip wallpaper that I hung, just for the pleasure of encountering strippable paper and easily dissolved glues.) I will be in and out on “breaks,” “five minutes of Me Time” and other procrastination throughout the day, so have at it, because the fruit hangs low today:

I shouldn’t laugh, because it’s not funny, is it? That a top-tier evangelical minister spent three years getting his wing-wang dang-doodled by a male prostitute, right? Are you laughing? I can’t even rouse a chuckle. At this point, the Cavalcade of Evangelical Hypocrites is like the last sketch on “Saturday Night Live,” and in its sixth or seventh minute, no less. The joke is so old, and has been told so often, that it’s, like, oh look look what’s on my lawn. It’s a sparrow! There’s something you don’t see every day.

I love this sidebar, though. This is worth a giggle: Claim against evangelical leader stuns Springs-area residents. “Stuns.” They’re “stunned” by this. Evidently they don’t read the newspapers in Colorado Springs.

For some reason — please, don’t ask me why — I followed a link to a video condensation of an interview Madonna gave earlier this week, justifying her baby-shopping. Once again, I’m struck by the prison so many women my age build for themselves with Botox. Like Queen Noor/Lisa Halaby, it seems Madge has opted to freeze her face with chemicals rather than allow it to form an actual expression, which could lead to wrinkling. It’s a pity, or maybe it isn’t, as Madonna was always a terrible actress, and her current cosmetic choices would seem to rule out any roles other than Third FemBot in Shower, but only as long as she doesn’t have to smile.

I got a call yesterday from a fast-talking hireling of the Republican National Congressional Committee. I know he was a real person, not a recording; I could just tell. And I tried without success to try to get him to shut up and think for just a minute about what he was saying: That I should vote for Mark Souder next Tuesday and save the 3rd District of Indiana from the likes of liberal Tom Hayhurst.


Didn’t do any good. How in the hell did they get my phone number? I’m sure I’m still probably on some voter roll in Indiana. It’s only been two years since I last voted there. But once you see — or even a computer sees — that telltale evidence: The landline telephone at a new address in another state, the lack of voting activity since 2004, don’t you start to get a clue? You’d think.

OK, I can put it off no longer. I take DIF in hand and mount the ladder. Wish me luck, comrades.

Posted at 12:26 pm in Current events |

18 responses to “The stripper procrastinates.”

  1. Mindy said on November 3, 2006 at 12:50 pm

    Lotsa luck with the DIF. It failed me terribly and I gave it the heave-ho in favor of something called Wallwik suggested by Professor Google. Saved my bacon, it did. It’s still in my basement. If you have more wallpaper to evict, I’ll mail it to you.

    When I lived in Colorado Springs, it was a place with a very tolerant attitude. Years later I learned that it became violently fundamentalist soon after we moved. Still must be that way to explain their shock.

    Phone numbers: My phone number hasn’t changed but the address did. Phone book still has us at the old place two years later despite my effort to change this. So if someone wants to plan my death and uses the phone book to find me, he’ll instead get the dumbasses that bought my old house.

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  2. Pam said on November 3, 2006 at 1:06 pm

    For terribly terribly stuck on wallpaper, I would recommend a steamer. We stopped using DIF in favor of the steamer some time ago, but I still use DIF to remove the left over glue on the walls because it makes the wall washing task a little easier. The only easy way to remove wallpaper is never to have hung it in the first place! After many harrowing projects involving the removal of wallpaper, we now have a NO WALLPAPER rule.

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  3. alex said on November 3, 2006 at 1:15 pm

    An interesting Souder item today: He’s trying to distance himself from the ugly commercials in his behalf paid for by his party, over which he has no control.

    I watched a debate between Souder and Hayhurst on PBS last night and came away pretty unimpressed with both, frankly. Souder’s great at pulling all sorts of numbers and minutiae out of his hind end in an effort to convince people he knows what he’s talking about, while Hayhurst spends too much time trying to burnish his bona fides as a Chreeschun, xenophobe and homophobe who’d be just like Souder, only with a health care plan.

    It’s coming down to a beauty contest as far as I’m concerned. I’m voting for old/craggy over petulant/pug ugly.

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  4. Danny said on November 3, 2006 at 3:47 pm

    OT: Borat. Anyone gonna see this (not I)? There is sooo much hype about this movie and and the critics seem to be swooning. But I’ve seen a few previews and am already tired of the main character and his schtick. Looks like it is going to really suck.

    Back on topic. Looks like it is disagreement day for me. Minor quibble, Mindy. “Violently fundamentalist” should apply to Islamic terrorists or pro-abortionists who beleive it is a fundamental right to have late-term, partial-birth infanticide. YMMV.

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  5. alex said on November 3, 2006 at 3:55 pm

    Just saw the latest headline about the top-tier evangelist. He only admits to doing meth and getting massages from the male prostitute, but denies the sex.

    And Danny, major quibble with your characterization of late-term abortions (which are never performed except when medically necessary). Minor quibble as regards fundamentalists. The ones who have paroxysms and seizures are the ones I consider violent, no matter which God they think they’re high on.

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  6. mary said on November 3, 2006 at 4:20 pm

    How about people who shoot doctors who perform abortions, or blow up abortion clinics?

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  7. Futz said on November 3, 2006 at 5:28 pm

    I had a great time with the rented steamer until I hit the wallpaper border in the bathroom. After struggling for quite some time to get even a small section down, it hit me that wallpaper in bathrooms is put up with steam-resistant glue. (Duh!) DIF to the rescue, although it was messy as hell.

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  8. Danny said on November 3, 2006 at 5:47 pm

    Yep, them too, Mary.

    About wall paper removal: I have tried multiple gizmos (steamers, etc) with little success. I would say it is almost easier to just drywall over the existing wall.

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  9. Danny said on November 3, 2006 at 6:05 pm

    Man, I’m just listening to a Stevie Wonder best of cd I bought this week. That guy is brilliant.

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  10. Dorothy said on November 3, 2006 at 6:48 pm

    I have that CD Danny (mine is “The Definitive Collection). Just love it, too. I always have to turn it up REALLY loud for “You Haven’t Done Nothin’.”

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  11. Scout said on November 3, 2006 at 6:56 pm

    The best trick I know to remove stubborn wallpaper is to use ordinary fabric softener in warm water. Just soak it all down with this mixture and a sponge, then scrape it off, glue and all with a broad scraper.

    The whole fall-out from Mr. Megachurch, the closet homo, is quite interesting. One of the things that always dismays me when some public homophobe accidently falls out of the closet is that even well meaning people tend to miss the point. They are so quick to point out that the guy led a double life, married with kids and respectable (good) and YET lived a hedonistic gay and perverted lifestyle on the side (ooo – obviously very bad). The thing that even the well meaning miss is that most of us who are gay do not do orgies and meth. It seems to be the self loathing hypocrites who always go to extremes.

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  12. Danny said on November 3, 2006 at 7:18 pm

    Dorothy, I might have to get that one too. The one I got, Song Review, is definitely missing some of his killer songs. But, today, I’ve been putting “I Wish” on repeat and CRANKING it. What a great song. I pulled up the lyrics an laughed my butt off!

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  13. Mindy said on November 3, 2006 at 7:28 pm

    Gosh, this is a fun thread.

    Danny — the fundamentalists in Co. Spgs were indeed rather violent as Alex perfectly defines it. Lots of seizures, etc. Friends who stayed there after we left were waiting for abortion clinics to be bombed and women shot attempting to enter Planned Parenthood. I purposely didn’t keep up with the goings-on because it had changed for the worse so drastically, so I can’t say. But it was the last thing I’d have imagined the place to become.

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  14. Kevin Knuth said on November 3, 2006 at 10:13 pm

    Nancy- DIF works great- but be sure to use a “paper tiger” to perf the paper first.

    Also, I bought a 1 gallon sprayer- much easier than using a small spray bottle.

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  15. brian stouder said on November 3, 2006 at 11:07 pm

    Well, I (for one) don’t like it when the stripper procrastinates – but I guess it’s all part of the show.

    Considering NN hasn’t posted, one wonders if she was overcome by fumes…or is simply fuming!

    Here’s hoping she successfully took it off…took it ALL off!

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  16. MichaelG said on November 3, 2006 at 11:56 pm

    Simple solution for wallpaper: Burn the place, collect the insurance. Last guy I knew who did it simply played dumb, heated the roofing tar on the gas stove and . . . In a restaurant the fryer is all. I will always get a big smile out of seeing those religious hyps getting theirs. The Delta syrah is nice and the Churchill isn’t bad either.

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  17. britt said on November 4, 2006 at 2:04 am

    Good Luck! Your posts always have a soothing effect on me… I’m smiling. Keep up the great work!

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  18. Ricardo said on November 6, 2006 at 9:27 pm

    Is it just my imagination, isn’t Borat a copy of the “I Kiss You” guy from the year 2000?

    As for Ted Haggard, why do they always follow this pattern?
    1 I deny everything.
    2 OK, I just called him for the drugs, not sex.
    3 I admit to some of the stuff.
    4 Bla, bla, bla.
    5 I’m guilty.
    Wouldn’t you feel better about the hypocracy if all the lying wasn’t added on?

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