The very expensive trash can.

Alex raises a question in the comments of an old thread: If Don Imus had referred to the Rutgers baseball players as lesbians rather than prostitutes, would the outcome today be different? Hmm.

“Nappy-headed dykes,” say, or (more likely) “tattooed dykes.” I don’t wish to be a cynic. But if I think his insult had been seasoned differently, had been about sexual identity — which all good Americans know is entirely a choice, something you pick out in a store like a pair of Levi’s — rather than race, Imus would be interviewing Frank Rich as we speak and we wouldn’t be looking at his Andy Rooney eyebrows in the newspaper today.

Since this topic is now so played it’s like discussing the weather (STILL TOO COLD), maybe we could take it away in that direction. Or maybe you’re as sick of hearing about it as I am.

Me, I went shopping yesterday. Nickel-and-dimed my discretionary spending away on things like foot cream and a misting fountain for Kate’s room (long story boiled short: she loves it). But I counted myself victorious, because I went to the Container Store and only bought two 99-cent plastic squeeze bottles and a marked-down iPod case. As soon as I walked through the doors I knew I was at high risk to produce a credit card and start making sweeping arm motions at entire aisles. The place is like a porn store for women, dangling the fantasy that we all hold in our heads — that somehow, somewhere, with the right filing system and a lot of clear plastic boxes, you can find a place for everything and put everything in its place.

Years ago, my sister bought a SimpleHuman trash can. It cost something like $130, which may strike you as insane (it did me, at the time), but everyone who experiences the marvel of this trash can is entirely sold on its clean design and smooth operation, then goes out and buys one. Yesterday I saw the logical upgrade — a $199 electronic model that raises its lid when you stick your foot in the sensor zone at its base.

No, I didn’t buy it. But I drooled. Afterward I came to my senses, the way a man who 20 minutes ago was thinking, “Hmm, yeah, Jenna Jameson might make a nice life partner for a guy like me” might wake up and say, “Um, maybe not.”

Visual joke: For sale at the checkout of the $199 trash can store? Copies of Real Simple magazine, pitched at the person vexed by owning too much stuff.

OK, we’re back on the road today. No. 1 on today’s to-do list: Find a babysitter. Because guess what snuck up on me? Tonight is Iggy at the Fox in Detroit. If necessary, Kate can sit in the car.

Posted at 9:49 am in Media, Popculch, Same ol' same ol' |

14 responses to “The very expensive trash can.”

  1. ashley said on April 13, 2007 at 10:31 am

    Come on…take Kate inside and let her know what kinda person mom *really* is.

    And now I’m reading on how “nappy headed” is “the other n word”. Jeebus. First the powers that be take my Richard Pryor albums, now I’m supposed to dump “Songs in the key of life”????

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  2. Adrianne said on April 13, 2007 at 11:30 am

    Headline I wish had appeared in our newspaper (guess the provenance of this one, for 10 bonus points)

    Pummeled by Lethal Lesbians of Doom

    You can’t make this stuff up.

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  3. alex said on April 13, 2007 at 12:13 pm

    Beats the hell outta me, Adrianne.

    Still busting out laughing over the “Houston, we have a problem” headline that recently ran in your paper.

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  4. cce said on April 13, 2007 at 12:20 pm

    I have no need for containers as I throw absolutely everything away. The Container Store leaves me cold save for that smart trash can you’ve been talking about. Now that sounds sexy.

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  5. michaelj said on April 13, 2007 at 1:15 pm

    Village Voice, Adrianne?

    I think I(gnora)mus probably would not have multilayered the insult, so he probably would have said “buzz-cut dykes”, and I don’t think he’d have gotten out of Rockefeller Plaza in one piece.

    It’s disheartening to see the twin Revs. Sharpton and Jackson as the banner-carriers for this cogent issue. Al’s 15 minutes should have ended with Tawana Brawley’s, and Jesse should have been way to busy falling all over himself apologizing in Durham to get involved. Could have been a twin bill with the kindly chuffy Coulter doppleganger Nancy Grace.

    Best thing that could come of this? Hair-trigger effect. Next time BabaLoofah O’Reilly says a kidnapped victim of child abuse was enjoying himself too much to escape; or Michael Savage characterizes the Voting Rights Act as ‘a chad in every crack house’; or the fatass junkie identifies another Halfrican-American; or, whoever pictures Mrs. Clinton in cornrows and a grille–the noxious vermin is immediately virtually-exterminated by his employer. Or by Tom Delay, if he can remember where he put the malathion.

    Regarding the comments from a few days ago about Home Diamondvision Jumbotrons.

    Nancy: Zorn riff today about Jolly Green Giant reminded me of the night the Spirit of Detroit went out for a ramble.

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  6. Scout said on April 13, 2007 at 2:33 pm

    michael j nails it… i hope it all has a ripple effect.

    as for accumulated stuff and such, i always feel much better after i’ve lightened my load… kinda like taking a great dump. sorry… 🙂

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  7. deb said on April 13, 2007 at 6:15 pm

    the container store is my idea of porn, too. i’m preparing to move, for the first time in almost 18 years, and the thing i’m most excited about is the opportunity to ORGANIZE EVERYTHING after we move in. this time, it will all be perfect, and my life will finally have both order and meaning. lined baskets, stacking coordinated boxes in graduated sizes, clear sterlite with jeweltoned lids, new bookcases…i am SO there. i almost swooned when i realized the new house has room for a new credenza. fare thee well, 20-year-old two-drawer filing cabinets!

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  8. michaelj said on April 14, 2007 at 5:56 pm

    Nancey. Could up something that actullay has to do with your understanding of what was being offered you.

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  9. LA mary said on April 16, 2007 at 10:51 am

    The container store stuff is too coordinated for me. Take me to a restaurant supply store, though, and I can do some very serious damage to my visa card.

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  10. MichaelG said on April 16, 2007 at 11:48 am

    You got it Mary! I’ve been shopping in restaurant supply stores for years. Afterwards it’s fun to walk through Macy’s and sneer. Splitting up with my wife in March led to several nice trips to Cresco.

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  11. LA mary said on April 16, 2007 at 12:08 pm

    Lexan food containers are my current fave. Far superior to tupperware for storing leftovers. Knives, serving and stirring spoons, cutting boards, big spatulas for lifting delicate fish fillets…stop me.

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  12. MichaelG said on April 16, 2007 at 4:55 pm

    Mason jars are great for some types of storage. They come in several sizes and are available at the supermarket for cheap.

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  13. LA mary said on April 16, 2007 at 6:58 pm

    I’m talking about the half gallon of soup sort of lexan containers, or the half a tray of lasagne size.

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  14. LA mary said on April 16, 2007 at 7:03 pm

    They had a simple human trash can on sale at Target this week, by the way.

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