nancynall.com » Our paperless society.
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Our paperless society.

Noth­ing like a death in the fam­ily to make you wish you were born a fish. The morning’s activ­i­ties here at Chez NN.C include a whole-house search for Alan’s Social Secu­rity card. It’s for a bank thing. Of course he knows his num­ber, but they want to see the actual card. Let me see the hands of those of you who can lay hands on your Social Secu­rity card within 15 min­utes. Yeah, thought so. After a while, I thought screw it, let’s get the replace­ment. There’s an SSA office two blocks from here; he can bring in his pass­port (which we can find) and get it while he waits.

But can you get it while you wait? Good luck get­ting an answer. The web­site offers exhaus­tive instruc­tions on how to request a card, but is vague on the while-you-wait part, which is impor­tant, because this all has to hap­pen today. A call to the office was in order. The local num­ber was dis­con­nected, and all inquiries now go through an 800 num­ber, which employs one of those auto­mated voice recog­ni­tion pro­grams but NO ACTUAL HUMAN BEING, and…and…

Alan reached some­one at the bank. Turns out they don’t need the card if they can see your W-2. Cri­sis averted. But a new res­o­lu­tion: This year, once and for all, assem­ble a “grab box” of key fam­ily doc­u­ments so we can avoid this non­sense in the future. I’m not the best record-keeper, but I’m good enough, but life is sim­ply grow­ing too complicated.

Per Kirk’s com­ments yes­ter­day, I’ve decided to stop feel­ing bad about enjoy­ing the may­oral scan­dal. It’s the story that keeps on giv­ing, and it would be…dare I say?…wrong not to smile once in a while. Last night’s big event was the mayor’s pub­lic apol­ogy, made at his church, but in an empty room, to one pool cam­era, no media allowed, no ques­tions, in and out in 12 min­utes. It was pretty much total crap­ola, as you might expect, all “I’m sorry” but no men­tion of what he was sorry for. He has to be very care­ful what he says now, because he’s fac­ing a per­jury inves­ti­ga­tion, and that’s not a charge to be tri­fled with. Once again, he showed his beguil­ing com­bi­na­tion of Street and Suit, in his dec­la­ra­tion “I would never quit on you.”

(Oh, why even men­tion it? I hear more man­gled Eng­lish on the evening news than any­where else in my world. Last night’s neol­o­gism: “fic­ti­tion­ally,” which seems to mean “fic­tional,” but has some extra syl­la­bles, mak­ing the speaker sound extra-smart. There was also “tenor” used incor­rectly, i.e. “The mayor struck the right tenor in his state­ment,” and this by an anchor.)

But the cherry on top was yet another per­for­mance by Steve Wil­son, WXYZ’s des­ig­nated Kwame-botherer. The sta­tion deployed its chop­per for over­head sur­veil­lance of the church, not just to get video but to let Steve know which door he was sneak­ing into. So Steve was right there to yell, “Who is Car­men Slowski?” as his honor stepped out of his SUV. The mayor Heisman’d him nicely. I’d say it was like a bear swat­ting away a smaller ani­mal want­ing a bite from the car­cass, but Wil­son is eas­ily as big as Kil­patrick. He’s truly a won­der­ful fig­ure, because his dis­tin­guish­ing fat-man fea­ture is a wat­tle that lends a com­i­cal note to the blowhard self-importance. Fol­low that last link, a tran­script of his 11 p.m. report, to get a sense of how he rolls:

I’ve faced the mayor many times in the last few years, usu­ally with ques­tions he hasn’t wanted to answer…and tonight proved to be no excep­tion. While most reporters and cam­eras waited at the side door…our Chop­per 7 “eyes in the sky” pointed me to where the mayor was head­ing — the front door, so when he pulled up and finally stepped out the car, I asked him one of the ques­tions so many of you have been ask­ing — and got a shove in return…As I first revealed last Fri­day and the Detroit Free Press con­firmed today, only days before the text mes­sage scan­dal broke a week ago, the mayor was here at a North Car­olina moun­tain resort eat­ing chocolate-covered straw­ber­ries, drink­ing fine French wine, and soak­ing in an aro­matic bub­ble bath with a woman using the name Car­men Slowski. Mrs. Kil­patrick and the couple’s three boys were back home in Detroit at the time…and the mayor has never explained why records show there were two peo­ple in his room, or just who was the mys­tery woman shar­ing his bub­ble bath.

“Soak­ing in an aro­matic bub­ble bath.” If you can’t laugh at that, you’re dead.

If the mayor’s lucky, the approach­ing win­ter storm everybody’s fret­ting about today will turn out to be a rip-roarer. Noth­ing like a foot of wet snow to get peo­ple talk­ing about some­thing other than bub­ble baths, not to men­tion “fine French wine.”

Note to self: Go shop­ping today, lay in a sup­ply of fine French wine. If we’re going to be snowed in, might as well do it right.

Do we have blog­gage? We have bloggage:

Steve Novick, can­di­date for U.S. Sen­ate in Ore­gon, really is a guy you’d want to have a beer with. Here’s why. (YouTube link, for those of you who avoid them.)

Don’t waste your time on “Meet the Spar­tans.” Slate says why:

Var­i­ous news sources have declared that Meet the Spar­tans has a run­ning time of 84 min­utes. Some online reviews peg the actual run­ning time at 68 min­utes. I went to a 5:30 p.m. screen­ing. After pre­views, the movie began some time between 5:44 and 5:47. The clos­ing cred­its started at 6:47. After a cast-performed ren­di­tion of “I Will Sur­vive” (note: this was a reprise of an ear­lier per­for­mance) staged on the Amer­i­can Idol set (note: not the real Amer­i­can Idol set), the cred­its ran over a black screen. Per­haps two min­utes later, the cred­its gave way to scenes that weren’t strong enough to make the first 60 min­utes, includ­ing Spider-Man remov­ing Don­ald Trump’s toupee. After about five min­utes of these deleted scenes, the cred­its started again. They moved at about 10 lines per minute. And, con­sid­er­ing the movie is about an hour long and prob­a­bly took about six hours to make, they included a sur­pris­ing amount of names; I’m guess­ing 8,000. By the time the cred­its had been slow-rolling for sev­eral min­utes, the other 15 peo­ple in the the­ater had gone home. As the cred­its con­tin­ued, I put on my head­phones and lis­tened to some music. At 7:09, more than 20 min­utes after the cred­its began, I was rewarded by the afore­men­tioned five-second, fake-Stallone-as-Britney bit. The lights went up and I left, shaken and depressed.

Not sur­pris­ingly:

This was the worst movie I’ve ever seen.

Thank God for the New York Times Thurs­day Styles, because who else is cov­er­ing the Slow Design move­ment? Ahem:

Katrin Svana Eythors­dot­tir, another designer from Ice­land, made a “chan­de­lier” from beads of glu­cose that clung to twine and caught the nat­ural light. After five months, the chan­de­lier dis­in­te­grated (as Ms. Eythors­dot­tir, who wanted to cre­ate a tem­po­rary, biodegrad­able object, had intended). It is true that a decom­pos­ing chan­de­lier seems sort of fast, but as it turns out a domes­tic object with a built-in expi­ra­tion date is a slow notion, said Car­olyn Strauss, a designer, cura­tor and the founder of SlowLab, a three-year-old design think tank with offices in Man­hat­tan and Ams­ter­dam that’s devoted to search­ing out the slow in cutting-edge design. “You wouldn’t buy that chan­de­lier and go away on a two-week vaca­tion,” Ms. Strauss said. “It’s an object you’d really cher­ish because of its tem­po­rary and there­fore pre­cious nature.”

No word on the cost. What­ever it is: Not enough.

OK, friends, I’ve wasted too much of the day already. Hang in there and enjoy yours. I’m after some fine French wine.

Posted on Thursday, January 31st, 2008 at 10:27 am
in Current events, Metro mayhem, Same ol' same ol'.

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20 responses to
“Our paperless society.”

  1. Jeff said on January 31st, 2008 at 10:43 am

    “Gross incom­pe­tence has to be treated the same as a sim­ple mis­take” says the judge as he dis­misses lia­bil­ity of the Army Corps of Engi­neers for the NOLA levee sys­tem. He exco­ri­ates them, but says the law allows no other rul­ing — just in time for Mardi Gras next week, no less!

    I’ll be check­ing back for Ashley’s reax .…

  2. John said on January 31st, 2008 at 11:07 am

    I have my Social Secu­rity Card in my wal­let. I did retire my draft card (clas­si­fied A-1) about 10 years ago, even though I was instructed to keep it on my per­son “at all times under penalty of law”.

  3. Connie said on January 31st, 2008 at 11:31 am

    I can lay hands on all three of our social secu­rity cards and orig­i­nal birth cer­tifi­cates in under a minute. I have been mean­ing to buy one of those fire­proof doc­u­ments boxes to put that file folder in, along with our var­i­ous life insur­ance policies.

    On the other hand when I had to sign my daughter’s demol­ished car over to State Farm I couldn’t find the title any­where. When I went to the license branch to apply for a dupli­cate title they insisted there was still a GMAC lien on the car, which I bought in 1997. Con­tact­ing GMAC to get a writ­ten doc­u­ment for a loan paid off six years ago was a real pain. The new title is still on my desk wait­ing for me to fig­ure out a bet­ter place to file it. I think I will put it with the birth certs and ss cards.

    I tried to call our local social secu­rity office last year and after sev­eral weeks worth of busy sig­nals gave it up.

  4. 4dbirds said on January 31st, 2008 at 11:39 am

    I think its my army train­ing to have all impor­tant doc­u­ments in order and eas­ily access­able because you never know “when the bomb is going off” so yes I can locate my SS card (and other impor­tant doc­u­ments) quite quickly.

  5. nancy said on January 31st, 2008 at 11:44 am

    In my defense: I can find the title to our boat trailer in a twinkling.

  6. LAMary said on January 31st, 2008 at 11:46 am

    Every Ice­lander I’ve ever heard of or met has been nuts. Bjork. A vul­ca­nol­o­gist I met in Col­orado who hang glides over active vol­cano craters. All crazy.

  7. John said on January 31st, 2008 at 11:46 am

    Con­nie, get a safety deposit box at your bank for just those kinds of doc­u­ments. Birth cer­tifi­cates, titles, deeds, pass­ports, insur­ance poli­cies, stuff you need maybe once or twice a year, but stuff you never, ever want to lose. I hate to be shilling for the man but they are quite cheap and convenient.

  8. Sue said on January 31st, 2008 at 12:08 pm

    A safety deposit box sounds like a good idea, but what do I do when I can’t find the key?

  9. ashley said on January 31st, 2008 at 1:21 pm

    Funny how a Fed­eral Flood can force you into get­ting a home safe for all the impor­tant doc­u­ments. All the kids’ SS cards, birth certs, and pass­ports; mar­riage certs, INS certs, car titles, insur­ance papers, every­thing. Also have my tib­ial rod in there, at least until I get it put in a shad­ow­box to remind me why I don’t have a motorcycle.

    And I’m not too keen on safety deposit boxes any­more. Espe­cially ones that flooded and peo­ple couldn’t get access to for months.

    Nance, you don’t think that the anchor actu­ally wrote that copy, do you? He’s gotta be like Will Far­rell in Anchor­man, and he’ll just read every­thing on the TelePrompTer.

    Another com­ing storm? Jay-zus. Tues­day in Chicago, it hit 50 degrees in the after­noon. That night, it was 0. With 50 MPH winds blow­ing my ass down Jack­son Street. Of course, today in NOLA, it’s 70, and I’m gonna get a truck­load of beads tonight.

    God, I wish I could vote for Steve Novick.

    And Jeff, this rul­ing sur­prises me not at all. Basi­cally, the flood con­trol act of 1928 states that the Corps is immune from pros­e­cu­tion, no mat­ter how incred­u­lously incom­pe­tent they are, no mat­ter how many die as a result of their com­plete clue­less­ness and faulty engineering.

    The plain­tiffs were try­ing an end-around, so that their posi­tion was that the canals were not flood con­trol, but ship­ping chan­nels. If it’s flood con­trol, the Corps has immu­nity. If it’s a ship­ping chan­nel, the Corps is the­o­ret­i­cally liable. Maybe some­thing will hap­pen on appeal.

  10. Dorothy said on January 31st, 2008 at 1:36 pm

    My hand is wav­ing madly — our Soc Sec cards are in a zip lock bag in the 2nd lower of my 4 small draw­ers in my big bed­room dresser.

    But I’m cur­rently liv­ing in tiny quar­ters, while the rest of my stuff is liv­ing between two stor­age units. So maybe I’m not qual­i­fied to brag about know­ing their where­abouts. They were among the nec­es­sary doc­u­ments I thought we might need while we are home­less, and I was right. Came in handy when I needed to get my Ohio driver’s license.

    Con­nie — keep the key in your jew­elry box, assum­ing you have one. And John, I’ve heard it rec­om­mended you NOT carry your SS card with you in case of being robbed or los­ing it. Too easy to use for iden­tity theft. When I’ve had a house to live in, I had a red zip­per bag with all impor­tant doc­u­ments inside my hope chest. A metal fire­proof box at home is an alter­nate if you can’t or don’t want to pay for a safety deposit box. But I’ve had those in the past, too.

  11. ashley said on January 31st, 2008 at 2:01 pm

    Oh, LAMary, I wrote a post all for you.

  12. MichaelG said on January 31st, 2008 at 5:00 pm

    I’m gonna do a slow read on that arti­cle. A word today, a word tomorrow . . .

  13. LAMary said on January 31st, 2008 at 5:23 pm

    I’l have to look at it at home, Ash­ley. No video on the work com­puter. I thank you for hav­ing my own post. I feel privileged.

  14. Eric Zorn said on January 31st, 2008 at 6:11 pm

    Sim­i­larly a few weeks ago our eldest was about to get his dri­vers license when, sur­prise!, they asked to see his Social Secu­rity card. Even though he had his pass­port in hand and we could recite the num­ber.
    It was two weeks and a trip to the SSA office before we could get another one. I ordered a spare for myself while I was there.
    Hey, col­lege tuition looks very steep and per­haps I can sell one of the cards to an immi­grant.
    Must add, how­ever, that not once in my now more than 50 years on the planet have I been asked to pro­duce this card. I think this is why we were cav­a­lier when Alex’s card arrived in the mail shortly after his birth. Used it as a TV Guide book­mark, as I recall.

  15. joodyb said on January 31st, 2008 at 7:58 pm

    we have the lit­eral grab box, which i try to keep in a semi-known loca­tion, con­tain­ing docs men­tioned plus pass­ports and immu­niza­tion records. swell until some­one doesn’t put his SS card back and loses his wal­let (thanks nn for the SS Ps&Qs, i just down­loaded apply for new card doc) or takes birth cert and doesn’t tell me. i have my orig­i­nal; mark does not. does this mat­ter? we have nota­rized copies. i don’t even have my son’s orig­i­nal. we never received it. prob­a­bly still in some drawer in mont­gomery county cour­t­house. ha!

  16. joodyb said on January 31st, 2008 at 8:06 pm

    oh, and don’t for­get to attach your lien release to your car title!

  17. ashley said on February 1st, 2008 at 1:16 am

    joody, use teh google and find the hor­ror sto­ries online from peo­ple who got wiped out in the fed­eral flood.

    Does this mat­ter? Oh hell yeah it does.

  18. LAMary said on February 1st, 2008 at 10:53 am

    Every­one we hire here has to pro­duce a social secu­rity card. No card, no job.

  19. Dwight Brown said on February 2nd, 2008 at 1:59 pm

    “Let me see the hands of those of you who can lay hands on your Social Secu­rity card within 15 minutes.”

    I keep mine in my wal­let. I don’t like doing that, but it does pay off sometimes.

    “Every­one we hire here has to pro­duce a social secu­rity card. No card, no job.”

    When I took my cur­rent job (at a very large com­pany I won’t name, and which I do not offi­cially rep­re­sent) they sent me an ori­en­ta­tion packet stat­ing where to go and what I needed to bring, includ­ing my orig­i­nal Social Secu­rity card OR a cer­ti­fied copy of my birth certificate.

    Cut to ori­en­ta­tion and paper­work day.
    “Here’s my driver’s license, and here’s my cer­ti­fied copy of my birth cer­tifi­cate.“
    “Okay, we need your orig­i­nal Social Secu­rity card.“
    “Uh, I gave you a cer­ti­fied copy of my birth cer­tifi­cate.“
    “Yes, but we need your orig­i­nal Social Secu­rity card.“
    “But the doc­u­ments you sent me said birth cer­tifi­cate OR Social Secu­rity card, NOT BOTH.“
    “Yes, but we need your orig­i­nal Social Secu­rity card.”

    Sigh.

  20. Michael said on February 4th, 2008 at 7:10 pm

    Here in Puerto Rico they want your SS card for every­thing, includ­ing your kids’ cards when they enroll in school. After that shocker, mov­ing down here, I keep the SS cards and birth cer­tifi­cates in an enve­lope in the fil­ing cabinet.

    The Euro­pean doc­u­ments keep get­ting lost, though. So every time we go to Hun­gary we get to sam­ple the bureau­cracy of the decade. It’s very instructive.

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