All-trivia edition.

We’re having a snowstorm. Very pretty. Every twig is outlined, all the dog poop is covered with a fresh blanket. I ran the blower around for a while and felt the strong need for another cup of coffee. Alan can finish it if he wants it done. Sometimes it’s fun to be the man of the house, but mostly it’s the same drudgery, only outside.

For the record, I am not yet tired of winter. I like this part of winter, the covering-up-of-dog-poop part. It’s the demi-winter that depresses me, when the world outside is brown, not white. But give me two weeks, and I’ll be ready for it all to be over.

[Sits for five minutes, stares at screen, wonders if it’s possible to be even more boring.]

For what it’s worth (noted: not bloody much), the Rolling Stone story on Britney Spears is up, in its entirety. It’s more interesting than I thought it would be, in that scab-picking kind of way. Fun fact: Paparazzi call themselves “paps” for short, which until now I’d always known as an archaic word for a breast, mostly used to apply to animals, in the Wild Kingdom sense: “[hushed voice] Let’s watch while the grizzly sow exposes her paps to her cubs, allowing them to suckle on this fine spring morning.”

Also, showbiz sucks:

There was a wig waiting for her by master coiffeur Ken Pavés, who created Jessica Simpson’s cascading fake tresses — it had been seven months since Britney shaved her head, and her real hair was less than six inches long. All she had to do was sit for the afternoon so the wig could be glued to her head, piece by piece, then remain very still for an hour so it could set, and she would be the old Britney again.

They say Madonna is using testosterone cream on her face as an anti-aging ploy, but it’s making her grow chest fuzz. I’m sure that goes really well with her dick, and makes her irresistible to her husband, but it’s times like this I’m glad a few wrinkles don’t make me want to stick my head in the oven.

Perhaps you’re wondering if I really spend time looking at this stuff all day. I don’t, but it’s inescapable. Just the other day someone told me Jennifer Lopez buys $2,000 jars of Créme de la Mer and rubs it on her ass. Some people consider politics inappropriate for polite conversation.

[Sits for five more minutes, stares at screen, wonders if it’s possible to be even more boring.]

OK, here’s something funny: “American Gladiators” wants you! The first time AG was on TV, the crew came through the Fort to recruit challengers. It was a festival of whining. Ninety percent of the applicants were eliminated at the pushups test, which they were astonished to discover had to be done on fingertips, not flat hands. (This makes pushups more difficult by a factor of a jillion.) “I’m a Marine, I can do pushups all day,” groused on rejectee. “This is ridiculous.” But that was nothing compared to the Gladiators themselves, who came in to sign autographs and pump up the crowd. Sit them down for an interview, and all they did was complain — their back hurts, they need knee surgery, their fingers are always getting broken, ow ow ow. For a celebration of physical toughness, it was like listening to the bingo players at a nursing home.

I notice the application asks for “a Poem or rap.” Good luck with that, glads.

OK, I’m going to go pump some iron. Never know when they’ll add a seniors edition. Later.

Posted at 9:47 am in Current events, Popculch |

29 responses to “All-trivia edition.”

  1. LAMary said on February 26, 2008 at 10:18 am

    On the celebrity front, somewhat, my dentist wrote me a scrip for Vicodin the other day. Maybe you’re expecting the wrong doctor to supply you with fun drugs. Maybe Heath Ledger saw a lot of dentists.

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  2. brian stouder said on February 26, 2008 at 10:43 am

    but it’s times like this I’m glad a few wrinkles don’t make me want to stick my head in the oven.

    I’m not one to champion botox, and I’m not one to run down women who seem to have aged like an oak tree, and I’m not going to say it was because of all those drugs she did, and it wouldn’t be fair to say that Mackenzie Phillips should never have her photo taken next to Vallerie Bertinelli….so I offer the photo attached to the story linked above without comment!!

    (but if I was GOING to comment, I’d say – Three Cheers for D’ecolletage!!)

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  3. Julie Robinson said on February 26, 2008 at 10:45 am

    Ouch, Mary–what were you having done? I got Vicodin after foot surgery and a scratched cornea. Small scrips, with no refills.

    And the doc gave me samples of something called Ultram (tramadol) after I fell on the ice and screwed up my shoulder. But after I read the info, which said it was an opioid and could be addictive, I only took two nights worth.

    Most of the time I only feed my chocolate addiction.

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  4. Del said on February 26, 2008 at 11:03 am

    FYI journalists — a blogger won a Polk award for journalism.

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  5. nancy said on February 26, 2008 at 11:15 am

    Unfair, Brian. McKenzie was always the “ugly” one with the teeth and the mouth and the gawk, at least compared to Miss Teen Cutiepie and her heart-shaped face and cascading locks and all.

    I think, given her history, McKenzie gets props for just living this long.

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  6. Connie said on February 26, 2008 at 11:21 am

    Yeah, my last vicodin scrip came from the oral surgeon. (I have a big hole in my mouth and will soon have a bridge.) I didn’t take any but they are tucked away for some future need.

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  7. Kirk said on February 26, 2008 at 11:27 am

    Doctor gave a friend of mine some Ultram. He took it and got so wasted that it scared him; threw ’em away.

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  8. Kevin Knuth said on February 26, 2008 at 11:38 am

    Funny you write this-
    “I like this part of winter, the covering-up-of-dog-poop part. ”

    Just yesterday, BEFORE the snow hit, I was thinking how much dog poop was in the backyard (we have two dogs).

    And I actually thought, “well, the snow will cover it all up”.

    One less chore to do, that always makes me happy.

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  9. Jeff said on February 26, 2008 at 2:45 pm

    With the south Florida power outage (sorry, i’m around journalists — massive power outage), i immediately thought of Skink, and wondered how he pulled this one off.

    Thinking his buddy Carl Hiaasen might know (but wouldn’t tell much), i went to his site to see if there was any breaking comment, and found this that Nancy and any other Warren Zevon fans will appreciate in a bittersweet sort of way — — though y’all may already have known this.

    Also check out the FAQ on “Basket Case,” those who grime and labor in newsprint-related tasks.

    And i still think Skink is the answer to “wha’ happened?”

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  10. Sue said on February 26, 2008 at 2:51 pm

    To this day I can’t listen to Warren Zevon’s last album. I heard it once and couldn’t listen again. What a loss.

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  11. Connie said on February 26, 2008 at 3:15 pm

    Cover up dog poop? Not at my house. When there is this much snow my old man Shih Tzu won’t even get off the deck, unless a path in the snow has been shoveled for him. This a.m. he made it about five feet from the door where he left his gift on the deck for all in the living room to admire through the sliders. Supposed to be 2 to 5 tonight so it will get covered up, at least until morning.

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  12. LAMary said on February 26, 2008 at 4:04 pm

    I wasn’t having anything dental done, actually. I called my dentist because I felt like every tooth on the left side of my mouth, both upper and lower, had an abcess. Horrible toothache pain. My pal the dentist said it was likely a sinus infection messing up my trigeminal nerve, and I should take some sudafed and he’d write me a painkiller scrip. Which he did. Now I just feel like I got punched in the face just below my eye. I’m taking antibiotics.

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  13. LAMary said on February 26, 2008 at 4:50 pm

    Hey, I have a job interview on Friday. Wish me luck.

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  14. Dexter said on February 26, 2008 at 5:02 pm

    My Black Lab made a bee-line to the neighbor’s yard this morning and pooped, contaminating his parking spot with one helluva mess. Not having yet pulled on my boots, I waited until later to retrieve the mess with my snow shovel and remove it from his driveway.
    So there I was with a shovel of snow and doo-doo, trudging through deep snow, when the man’s landlord comes walking up the drive. “Hello.” How ya doin’? —–Not bad, you? “OK”.

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  15. Dexter said on February 26, 2008 at 5:06 pm

    Also, it really warms my heart to see our little Jack Russell girl doggie running through snow deeper than she is tall.
    Simple pleasures for simple minds. Mine.

    Good luck, LAMary.

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  16. Dexter said on February 26, 2008 at 5:15 pm

    LAMary, after getting some re-surfacing fillings, I had the exact same symptoms as you. I was sure I had contracted some infection or had developed an abcess , and toughed-out a sleepless night waiting to call the doc or dentist for help.
    Then my sinuses began draining for two days, not pleasant, but then it wasn’t a mouthful of rotting teeth, either.
    I am no Spring chicken, and had never had sinus pain before, so I thought I was immune to it. I was wrong.

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  17. Sue said on February 26, 2008 at 5:16 pm

    Good Luck LAMary!

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  18. MichaelG said on February 26, 2008 at 5:31 pm

    Best of luck, Mary. Hope you snag a good one!

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  19. Julie Robinson said on February 26, 2008 at 5:33 pm

    Good luck LAMary! Hope your sinus pain is all better by then.

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  20. LAMary said on February 26, 2008 at 6:13 pm

    I could always interview on Vicodin. It would relax me.
    What’s sort of sad is I have a good job now that I mostly love. There’s just some bad shit going on here.

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  21. nancy said on February 26, 2008 at 6:21 pm

    I second the above, Mary. Fingers crossed.

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  22. Linda said on February 26, 2008 at 8:45 pm

    Mary and Brian:
    The picture of Mackenzie and Valerie shows the positive effects of having some meat on your bones–no use in starving it all off. It’s like the French say–after 40, a woman has to decide what she cares about most–her face or her ass. If the former is sufficiently filled out , the latter will be big, but if the butt is skinny enough, a 40+ face will often look haggard.

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  23. MarkH said on February 27, 2008 at 1:48 am

    Tramadol? Addicting? Hmmm…

    I had shoulder surgery last October, and my ortho had me try a few different pain killers; hydocodone worked best. Took care of the pain and helped me sleep, never felt it was habit-forming. Early on he had me try tramadol for work periods, as it was non drowsy. He said it was prescribed for truckers, for example, needing pain killer that wouldn’t put them to sleep. So I tried it and…nothing. Didn’t even affect the pain as well as extra-strength Tylenol. And, of course it didn’t put me out at all.

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  24. Dexter said on February 27, 2008 at 2:35 am

    Mixing things…
    The good doctor Thompson wrote that for ending stalemates, forcing the combatants into a room with a single bare light bulb burning, having them sit at a table on hard chairs and forcing them to alternate boiling hot cups of coffee with shots of Wild Turkey will have something breaking in short order.

    I recall taking two Vicodins with most of a half pint of bourbon to kill intense knee pain so I could slug out another shift in a factory.
    Do what ya gotta do.

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  25. Danny said on February 27, 2008 at 9:48 am

    I recall taking two Vicodins with most of a half pint of bourbon…

    Kids, do not try this at home…

    Mary, good luck on the job interview. I don’t know the situation, but I hope it is a good one and that you are bargaining from a position of strength.

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  26. Dorothy said on February 27, 2008 at 10:08 am

    Good luck Mary! I’ll be keeping my fingers and toes crossed. My son interviewed for a new job more than two weeks ago, and he knows they have called some of his references. Then yesterday they called and asked for a copy of his diploma, and his most recent job reviews. All sounds very positive. It will give him a $2.40 cent per hour raise if he gets it. Which will help with the college loan repayments for sure.

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  27. Danny said on February 27, 2008 at 12:19 pm

    Crap, William F. Buckley died.

    This must be why Nancy hasn’t posted today. Poor girl, she is too distaught. I’m sure we all feel the same here.

    But come on, girl. Chin up. Tally ho. Pull yourself together and try to put on a brave face. Do it for William.

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  28. Ricardo said on February 28, 2008 at 10:34 pm

    Crap, Buddy Miles died too! He went from playing in Jimi Hendrix’s band to a vacation at the Graybar Hotel. He also played drums with the second best guitarist of the time, Mike Bloomfield. Truly, nowhere to go but down for poor Buddy.

    Now, my niece is the same age as Britney and is bipolar. She acted up a lot over the years and will probably need to live with my brother and wife for many years (along with her two little kids). I’d just heard that Britney is also bipolar, the Rolling Stone article describes her episodes well and it reveals a very bipolar young woman from my experiences. I won’t be making jokes about Britney any more. Buying two parakeets and naming them after her sons does not sit well with me. I feel that if she doesn’t get help, she will end up like Jimi, Mike, Elvis, Janis, …

    I just participated in a major move for my company’s plant in Torrance (hybrid vehicles), moving the entire IT setup myself and completing the project yesterday. Five months in the planning. I am going to celebrate by getting my first colonoscopy. I wonder what kind of drugs I can get from this?

    My wife only got a script for high-powered iburofen from her dentist. She said she didn’t need them, but I paid for them anyway. Folks, these are the kind of iburofen you can get OTC in Thailand.

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