Reaching the tricky parts.

I think Time magazine touched this story a while back. Certainly some smart business reporter must have done it by now, too, looking at the dark world of the internet, where otherwise straight-arrow corporations come out to play.

Exhibit A: Gillette offers you tips on how to shave your groin. Why would you do this? Because “when there’s no underbrush, the tree looks taller.” Ha ha, let’s pause for a moment and listen to Don Draper spin in his grave for a moment. (Lung cancer took him. Too soon.) For the curious, Gillette offers similar videos covering armpits, chest, head, and back. (The videos use animation, not live models, so they’re SFW.)

Exhibit B: Budweiser recycles the old standby — guy buying porn gets embarrassed — into a Bud Light commercial. Two minutes of jokey fun about magazines called Tongue in Cheeks, and you don’t even notice you’re watching a commercial for watery beer. I have to say, however, that the casting is perfect — that guy looks exactly like the sort of cubicle drone who picks up a sixer of Bud Light on the way home from work, then decides to make a night of it with a dirty magazine. The real star of the show is the other customer in line, who is probably buying something other than beer.

I’m sure there are dozens more out there. Marketers aren’t stupid. Pube-shavers need a lot of razor blades. So you can’t run a spot like that on “30 Rock” — who cares? If they don’t tell you how to do it, someone else will, and they’re not as likely to tout your products. Sooner or later this stuff will end up on mainstream TV, and so you’d best watch those and get ready, because I’m sure Rod Dreher is already preparing a big whiny blog post on them, only by then he’ll be writing for the goddamn New York Times. (Sooner or later Ross Douchehat will run out of material.)

You know what else happens when you clear away the underbrush, gents? You look like the kind of guy who thinks an optical illusion really fools something other than the eye. Go buy some Bud Light.

Here’s another video I found en route to looking up the Gillette spots. By the hit count I may be the last American to actually see it, but still recommended.

Another scorcher ahead — mid-90s, we’re promised. So while we’re all sitting in the nice a/c, contemplate what the hell with Gov. Sanford. Argentina? Did he go for a spur-of-the-moment tango lesson? I could hear Keith Olbermann in his second-most insufferable persona last night beating this dead horse to a bloody pulp, and this isn’t going to help. But still — this guy sounds like he has a few screws loose.

You’ll be living in a van down by the river! Another gem from Detroitblog, a portrait of one of those singular community-activist types that make city life worth living:

In the early ’80s Hume bid on a neighboring city-owned marina, won as the low bidder, then the city canceled the sale without clear explanation. Hume sued, the city settled. He took the money, bought video cameras and started a company called Public Eye Video, a one-man operation that taped all council meetings after he found crazy statements made by council members never made it into the meeting minutes. “I videotaped their asses, so at least somebody would have a record of what the fuck they’re saying,” he says.

It drove them nuts. They tried to shut him down, but learned they couldn’t because it was a public meeting and he had a right to record it. Then they tried to cut off his use of their electricity, but he found a way to buy it directly from the City-County Building authorities instead. At one point council member Kay Everett lost it in front of his camera, shouting at Hume, “You’re very close to getting this thing rammed down your throat!”

As I’ve said many times in the last few years: And people wonder why I love this crazy-ass town.

Headline of the day: “‘You Light Up My Life’ Composer is Criminal Sex Monster, Naturally.” Hell yes.

Off to beat the day into submission. I suspect it’ll be sweaty.

Posted at 10:23 am in Media, Same ol' same ol' |

77 responses to “Reaching the tricky parts.”

  1. alex said on June 24, 2009 at 10:42 am

    You know what else happens when you clear away the underbrush, gents? You look like the kind of guy who thinks an optical illusion really fools something other than the eye. Go buy some Bud Light.

    Nance, if I’d had coffee it would have been out my nose and all over the screen.

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  2. coozledad said on June 24, 2009 at 10:48 am

    Well, prostitution is legal in Argentina, but you aren’t supposed to open a knocking-shop. I don’t know how you would enforce this, unless it just makes the job of being a building inspector more interesting.
    “These whores ya got here? Not to code. You’re gonna have to pull ’em out or I’ll be forced to write ya a citation.”

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  3. jeff borden said on June 24, 2009 at 10:58 am

    Are there any NN.C commentators from South Carolina?

    While I often tease my wife about the weirdos who seem to abound in her native Florida, there’s a whole `nother brand of whackdoodle prevalent in the Palmetto State. Look at the headlines out of that bastion of the Old Confederacy. Not one but two racial slurs from top GOPers in one week. Then Mr. GovernorFamilyValuesJudeoChristianNoFederalBailoutScrewThePoorAntiGayMarriage Sanford pulls a “Where’s Waldo” and returns to Columbia after a mysterious trip to Argentina, obscured by lies from his staff (or maybe from him) that he was hiking the Appalachian Trail? And even his wife and kids did not know where he was? And this guy is so popular down there that he was mentioned as a presidential contender in 2012??

    I lived in Charlotte for 4 1/2 years, which is closer to most of S.C. than the rest of N.C., but I never got close to fathoming the bizarre politics there. A state where you could not buy beer on Sundays, but could play video poker to your heart’s content? Where large numbers of evangelicals have moved to a single county so they can begin inculcate the local political offices and fashion a more Jesus-oriented society? Where Bob Jones University exists just an hour or two from the annual biker orgies at Myrtle Beach?

    There was always an interesting strain of rebelliousness melded to a religious self-righteous, but Sanford is really upping the game. The most powerful elected official in the state goes off the grid for days so he can “recharge” his batteries by cruising the coast of Buenos Aries, eh? But daytime temperatures in coastal Argentina are in the high 50s these days and the 30s by night, since it’s winter down there.

    South Carolinians, WTF is up with Sanford and the politics down there?

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  4. mark said on June 24, 2009 at 10:59 am

    Sanford: Go with the obvious. Sex or money.

    The shaving thing: The under thirty crowd can be “marketed” into doing lots of stupid things. The optical illusion bit makes no sense to me. By the time the goods are being inspected, closing the sale is usually a foregone conclusion. Appearing as a (relatively) large pre-pubescent would only be helpful with a small percentage of shoppers, unless there is a gay angle to this that I don’t (and don’t really need to) understand.

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  5. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on June 24, 2009 at 11:01 am

    Didn’t you know? All Republican governors have to go down and consult with Mengele from time to time (those Hitler cloning projects don’t run themselves, you know).

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  6. Anonymous (For Obvious Reasons) said on June 24, 2009 at 11:02 am

    Gray hair….just saying.

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  7. Catherine said on June 24, 2009 at 11:16 am

    Thanks for getting that stupid freaking song stuck in my head.

    Re Sanford, what mark said, plus add a splash of narcissism.

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  8. Rana said on June 24, 2009 at 11:28 am

    Three words: Ingrown hair. Stubble.

    *itches just thinking about it*

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  9. ROgirl said on June 24, 2009 at 11:28 am

    Argentina, Appalachia — sounds like a game of telephone. Another potential Republican presidential candidate apparently self-immolating in a messy pile of his exposed sexual adventures.

    Is the manshaving a porn thing? Just wondering.

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  10. jeff borden said on June 24, 2009 at 11:45 am

    Sanford’s behavior reminds me of that old elementary school story, about the kid who believed he was invisible to the teacher if he just closed his eyes. Sanford simply cannot be so stupid that he would be surprised at the hubbub his disappearance and reappearance caused, so you have to wonder about his judgment. News reports quote several of his fellow Republicans as being extraordinarily angry about this behavior, so this falls outside the usual Dem vs. Rep blather.

    As a resident of Illinois, I am inured to political shenanigans, but up here, it’s always all about the money. Hell, we’d have been happy if Rod Blagojevich just disappeared in Buenos Aries instead of grabbing cash with both hands. We’d pay his way. Instead, our weird politicians wind up disappearing in the federal prison system, lol.

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  11. alice said on June 24, 2009 at 11:55 am

    Jeff Borden: I’m from South Carolina, born & reared. All I can say is every family I knew had at least one “eccentric” at a minimum. Being from the Lowcountry I’ve always blamed the heat and the swamp gasses.

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  12. jeff borden said on June 24, 2009 at 12:00 pm


    That’s as good an explanation as any, I guess. You know, I wouldn’t want to give the impression I don’t like South Carolina. It’s a beautiful state and I always enjoyed myself there, particularly Charleston and the coast. But the politics down there just pretty much defy description.

    Since it’s going to be mid-90s and muggy as hell in Chicago today, I am going to use the heat excuse for any trangressions today, lol.

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  13. Sue said on June 24, 2009 at 12:05 pm

    MMJeff, could I have your take on this Cynthia Davis thing? How can anyone who is not in a Dickens novel use the phrase “hunger can be a positive motivator”?

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  14. peter said on June 24, 2009 at 12:25 pm

    Maybe the gov wanted to visit Evita’s old office – perhaps that’s the political equivalent of visiting Morrison’s grave, which reminds me of a line that works well with today’s entry: “Hear me talk of sin and you know this is it.”

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  15. alice said on June 24, 2009 at 12:34 pm

    At least we have Stephen Colbert now.

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  16. Mindy said on June 24, 2009 at 12:35 pm

    My friend’s photo of her dog Sasha staring into the car’s rear view mirror is a hit on I Has A Hot Dog today. Seventy-eight captions and counting. My favorite so far is Hello Claireeece….
    Sasha died in February after surgery to remove a large tumor on her liver. She was a sweet girl and we miss her terribly. Everyone, be sure to give extra hugs to the pooch in residence if there is one.

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  17. Sue said on June 24, 2009 at 12:36 pm

    I wonder if Stephen Colbert switches back to a South Carolina accent when he goes home for a visit. What do you think, Alice?

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  18. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on June 24, 2009 at 12:43 pm

    May i suggest Cynthia Davis be placed in a Dickens novel as soon as possible?

    The kindest thing i can say about her is that it seems pretty clear she writes her own stuff. Having said that, i could write a better critique of the summer feeding programs, having actually, oh, been to one or two or a few hundred — we host one at Water’s Edge Ministries in Buckeye Lake, one of the lowest household income zip codes in the state.

    We are lucky to keep the doors open, and providing the food would push us far beyond our capacity, since we’re busy spending it on other things legislators like Ms. Davis thinks churches and non-profits ought to do instead of providing school funding for, like tutoring, and job readiness for youth, and computer skills with working, post-Windows 98 software.

    I don’t want to accidentally help any Davis-ites out there, but the waste is truly horrendous at these feeding sites in the summer, and if she or a staffer had actually just gone to one or two and stood around or even (HA!) helped, they would have written about that — clearest sign to me this is pure political patella-reflex boilerplate, with very little thinking or heart (ok, no heart) going into it.

    But when the heavily subsidized high fructose corn syrup and sugar industries are all doing their best to help parents cheaply & easily hand the kids a two liter and a bag of chips on their way out the door (Rant on that, Ms. Davis, and then link to obesity stats, thank you; make sure to mention the shuttered and unmowed parks, let alone the end of rec programs statewide), our problem is that a bologna sandwich with a slice of garden fresh tomato and an apple with a halfpint of milk isn’t terribly appealing when there’s still a half bag of Doritos and a bottle of Dew at home. Nothing else, but there is that. You have to work some creative program tie-ins to make it work and go down the hatch, else the trash bags are awfully heavy and leak on your shoes on the way to the dumpster (which service we pay for, not the gov’mint, OK ma’am?).

    We teach table manners, sharing, and give nutrition and even home food prep ideas a shot, along with summer reading — since the Ohio libraries are all about to take one in the teeth, we may be the only summer reading program within ten miles of where these kids live. Did i mention most of the single parent households, whose head-of-households are out working as per welfare reform, have left their 9 and 6 and some 4 year olds home for the day? Mind you, no one leaves a 4 year old “alone,” they have an older sibling watching them, so you feel better, don’t you? That is, if you count 10 as older, which would be fine except of course, thanks to all the well-er off municipalities in the county, at state encouragement having barred sex offenders from living effectively anywhere in their bounds, so we have a stunning number of Tier III S.O.s living within a half mile of the 400 unit trailer park we’re at one gate of.

    I’m sorry, what was the question? Anyhow, thanks to Einsteins like Ms. Davis, we’re also flooded with kids who age out of foster care at their 18th birthday and are given a few hundred bucks and a suit/dress, and told “now you’re on your own, so you can finally get a driver’s license,” which they can’t, legally, as foster kids, and now they can’t afford driving school, which is the only way to get costs down other than Honor Roll, but we just bought the rat-trap, i mean, house next door for $32,000 and are trying to write grants to fix and house up to eight “emancipated former foster clients.” Food stamps are the only assistance we can get these young adults, and i’m sure Ms. Davis’ next Capital Report will explain why they should be motivated by hunger to plant a tomato patch instead of get further state aid, since they’ve “lived off of government handouts” for so long.

    You know, i went off Lisinopril six months ago, and was doing fine. Now i’m trying to think where i put the last bottle. But that’s my take on her.

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  19. Sue said on June 24, 2009 at 12:55 pm

    MMJeff, I sincerely apologize for upsetting you.
    But that was awesome. I wanted a view from the trenches, and I got it. I think you just spoke for every state, red or blue, because I think it’s going on everywhere to various degrees. Thank you.

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  20. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on June 24, 2009 at 1:03 pm

    Oh, YOU didn’t upset me. SHE, on the other hand, did, and lived down to every moronic stereotype of Republican that there is. Plus, she doesn’t know a thing about the reality she’s legislating on, and that strikes me as legislative malpractice. At least Newt Gingrich actually swings hammers at Habitat sites and Dubya stood in line with Laura serving meals to the homeless every holiday season.

    It’s like passing legislation you haven’t read! 😉

    And it’s only back up to 116/72.

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  21. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on June 24, 2009 at 1:20 pm

    OK, i will let this drop, but when she says “Parents naturally love their children and enjoy caring for their children just as much as ever during an economic downturn” — if you read that slowly, i’d say she’s right. Just as much. Yup.

    C’mon, this whole “parents love their kids and only gov’mint interference messes that up” deal is like those on the other side of the metaphorical aisle who say “children are naturally good and loving and caring and sharing.” That’s an ideological statement, not a statement based in anyone’s actual experience outside of Saturday tea at Grandma’s (and that when Mommy said “If you behave at her house, drink the dang tea, and play nice with each other quietly, then i’ll get Happy Meals on the way home, all right? Break something, and it’s prunes and spinach — i’m not kidding this time!”).

    Back before George Will lost his mind and his morals and his grip on his zipper, he wrote a book he ought to go back and read – “Statecraft as Soulcraft.” Among other things, he articulated a coherent conservative argument on something like the lottery: no problem with legal, lightly regulated gambling if that’s what the people want, but the state shouldn’t be seen as promoting it. Stay out of government promoting the something for nothing business.

    Likewise, positive parenting can be lightly encouraged by indirect means, and parents who endanger the health and safety of their children, reasonably defined, should face serious consequences; in between, tread very, very carefully.

    A summer feeding program, aside from giving the community necessary tools to help maintain a positive impact, helps counterbalance the way federal crop and commodity subsidies (corn syrup, sugar) undermines parental attempts to provide good nutrition.

    Not too far under this conservative Christian screed on summer feeding programs is a none too well disguised Darwinian cynicism. She’s got to know what’s really going on in poorer communities, no one is that stupid, even with extra effort; her argument only makes sense if she’s slyly saying “kids with parents who do the right thing will get more vitamins and minerals and be healthier, while parents who sluff off and give their kids crud should have to watch their lumpish spawn sit on their sofas and never enter the workforce, and it serves them right.”

    A smart conservative (i know, some of you’ns think that’s an oxymoron) would realize we have not only no children to spare, we have no skilled workers to spare, and need their minds and talents even on the most entry level honed to compete in the global marketplace that impacts even suburban St. Louis — so good job feeding healthy foods and teaching skills, you guys! Now teach ’em Mandarin, OK?

    You’re all in luck, a 1:30 appointment. Someone type in what Sanford says at 2 pm; i’m morbidly curious to see if he shows up, smiles, and says “none of your business, good day!” and walks away. But Iran may swamp even that tale today . . .

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  22. adrianne said on June 24, 2009 at 1:28 pm

    It’s got to be sex. Not money. Nobody is that stupid for money, y’all!

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  23. alice said on June 24, 2009 at 1:50 pm

    Sue, I heard Colbert give a talk once & he did his “Jawn’s Island” accent.

    A moment of levity: the dog just came in from a squirrel barkfest with bird poop on his back. I guess they’re tired of all the racket.

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  24. ROgirl said on June 24, 2009 at 2:36 pm

    Just started listening to the live feed of Sanford’s press conference. It’s an affair, he and his wife are separated.

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  25. Scout said on June 24, 2009 at 2:44 pm

    I am giving Jeff (tmmo) a standing ovation. Not only for what he does for others, which is monumental, but for the eloquent reporting of the conditions on the ground. Thank you, Jeff. You are my hero for the day.

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  26. Dexter said on June 24, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    ‘scuse me for dropping in like this, but I gotta believe there’s at least one TrueBlood fan here, another HBO smash-in-your- face Sunday night can’t-misser—I just wanted to share this website which is pretty good:

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  27. Jeff Borden said on June 24, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    You beat me to it, ROgirl.

    Man,it is cold-blooded to blow off your wife and four kids on Father’s Day to go see your mistress. He’s apparently also agreeing to step down as governor, so his political career is over. He won’t be missed. His grandstanding over the federal bailout money fluffed his rightwing credentials at the expense of the poorest and weakest citizens in his state.

    So, he’s just another philandering jerkball.

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  28. MarkH said on June 24, 2009 at 3:04 pm

    ROGirl was correct. Here’s the local angle:

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  29. Jeff Borden said on June 24, 2009 at 3:10 pm


    Sanford said he will resign his presidency of the Republican Governors Assn. Nothing about his tenure as governor of S.C.

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  30. 4dbirds said on June 24, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    Wow so much today.

    Jeff: you rule and I laughed at this “children are naturally good and loving and caring and sharing.” Anyone who thinks that never met my sister Mary. She was mean mean mean. She made my life miserable.

    Dexter: I love Trueblood. So much that I read every single one of Charlaine Harris’s (is that how the possessive ‘ is done after an s?) Sookie Stackhouse books.

    The adulterous Governor. I figured it was sex, but more like anonymous sex not an affair.

    I don’t know why I know this and I’m not proud of the fact that I know this but the under thirty crowd is very very groomed, uh down there. I find it icky and wonder why a grown man would like a woman who looks like a little girl but there you go.

    Someone (thank you someone) in comments earlier in the year told of using 5 gallon tubs to plant tomatos. Well I followed the directions and am the new mother of two thriving plants. One beefsteak and one roma. Woo hoo. I’m a gardener. Who would have thunk it.

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  31. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on June 24, 2009 at 3:36 pm

    Gawrsh, Scout, thanks.

    OK, proposal – let Obama finish his term, then declare an 8 year moratorium on men in politics. Fed, state, local, dogcatcher. I’m not kidding.

    I mean, McGreevey, Spitzer, Vitter, Edwards, Ensign, now Sanford, and that’s just the high points of the last five years in the Senatorial/Governorial locker room, let alone the high profile clergy crashes of the last few years in churches i know of & work with.

    As i angrily punched into Twitter while listening to the car radio, what is WRONG with men? And apologies to Moe who no doubt enjoys this even less than the rest of us, but i’m just stunned at the willful dumbness that men with official and public responsibilities are showing in recent years.

    Not that women won’t crash and burn a bit when holding down a plethora of high offices, but let’s see, shall we? And i’ll bet they won’t be STUPID and nasty enough to compound the dumbnosity on MOTHER’S DAY weekend.

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  32. jeff borden said on June 24, 2009 at 3:40 pm

    Jeff TMMO,

    If what I see in my classrooms is accurate, we are moving toward a society where women will run things. Overall, the percentage of women to men in college is now 60-40. Where I teach, it’s more like 70-30. Perhaps these bright young women will enter politics at the same rate as men and, if so, we might indeed have a different kind of government. Given how badly the male of the species has screwed things up, I’m happy to give them their shot.

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  33. Sue said on June 24, 2009 at 3:49 pm

    On a related note, the Chief of Police in Milwaukee just admitted to an affair with a journalist, who happens to teach journalistic ethics at UWM. The affair apparently started when she wrote a 5000-word extremely positive profile of him for Milwaukee Magazine. Yawn. What I want to know is, what motivated the person who anonymously sent copies of email exchanges between the lovebirds to the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, exposing the whole scandal?

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  34. brian stouder said on June 24, 2009 at 3:51 pm

    Every time South Carolina comes up, I think of the saying – ‘Too small for a republic; too large for a lunatic asylum’.

    I’d be willing to bet that Olbermann won’t make it 3 minutes into his show before he repeats that SC/asylum quip.

    Anyway – any NN.c entry that begins with a discussion of the finer points (so to speak) of groin-shaving, and ends with the proprietress vowing to have a sweaty time ‘beating the day into submission’ – is a GOOD entry!

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  35. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on June 24, 2009 at 3:57 pm

    See, Jeff B’s got the other side of this problem. What is the deal with men, anyhow? And i can’t believe it’s because we all got our feelings hurt by Title IX, and programs to help girls handle math, that young men in droves are avoiding higher education and particularly the more challenging fields. There’s a stream of conservatism that acknowledges the problem but blames the efforts to help women and minorities, which i’m not buying either on a gut level, or practically, either. If i’m up for a post where an African American woman named Sanchez is also on the list, i’m toast: so what? That’s the new normal, and doesn’t have a thing to do with staying at home to “watch” internet porn and drink lite beer and skip classes.

    From what i’ve heard about “The Hangover,” it could be a documentary. “Men behaving badly,” is turning into a redundant statement, the opposite of oxymoron. What’s the deal with men?

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  36. ROgirl said on June 24, 2009 at 4:03 pm

    It’s hard to get too worked up about a public figure having an affair any more. I mean, it’s not especially surprising. On a personal level it can be deeply hurtful to family and friends, of course, and there’s usually a tremendous amount of hypocrisy surrounding the whole thing that affects his position with respect to the public: the initial whispering, the denials, the accumulation of bits of evidence, the gathering momentum of speculation, and finally the awkward press conference confirming the rumors. But surprising? No.

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  37. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on June 24, 2009 at 4:23 pm

    Just so you can hear the conservative voices saying “Yes, we deserve a larger helping of ridicule when our leaders crash and burn like this.”

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  38. jeff borden said on June 24, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    I’m not surprised by much in the political world and certainly not by adultery. What I find aggravating is the rank hypocrisy of those who carry a Bible in one hand, and the flag in the other, while questioning the morality and patriotism of their ideological opponents indulging in the same behavior they claim to abhor.

    We see this time after time. Noted restroom cruiser Larry Craig is, of course, vehemently against gay marriage. Mark Foley, who lusted for teenage pages, led efforts to fight child porn. John Ensign is another grand defender of marriage who couldn’t keep his fly zipped. Newt Gingrich lectures on traditional values after cheating on his first two wives. Now Sanford comes along with his confessional.

    Damn, give me Wayne Hays. He was a cranky old-line Republican representative from Ohio, who had a dalliance with a blonde named Elizabeth Ray, who was hired to be one of his secretaries despite an inability to type. We didn’t begrudge Hays his fling –he never claimed to be on a mission from God or, when caught, that God already had forgiven him– but we were ticked off that taxpayers were footing the bill for his mistress.

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  39. Jenflex said on June 24, 2009 at 4:26 pm

    Thanks for the link, Dexter. I love (LOVE!) TB. Not enough to actually install cable, but a lot.

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  40. nancy said on June 24, 2009 at 5:30 pm

    Jeez, I finally make it to the pool and miss one of the more watchable press conferences in months.

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  41. Catherine said on June 24, 2009 at 5:31 pm

    Cynthia Davis sounds like the nuns and priests in the Irish orphanages.

    And, Jeff,… you GO! Loved the report/rant. And your pragmatism.

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  42. Jenflex said on June 24, 2009 at 5:40 pm

    Hear, hear, Catherine. Should Jeff change his name to “the mild-mannered, pragmatic one?” (TMMPO)

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  43. Danny said on June 24, 2009 at 7:50 pm

    Hey, everyone, sorry I was late getting here today. I just got back from hiking the Appalachian Trail. So what’s been going on?

    Errr.. nevermind.

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  44. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on June 24, 2009 at 7:56 pm

    I’d ask how Mount Mitchell looked in the early morning light, but having just seen what “The State” is running in tomorrow’s Columbia SC editions, never mind. The curse is that some sentences can’t be unread.

    My wife and i are planning to celebrate our 25th/her 50th by taking North Kaibab Trail into the Grand Canyon, down to Phantom Ranch by the Colorado River next spring — maybe the trip back out i can learn a few things worth teaching the Republican Party about how to clamber out of a deep, deep hole.

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  45. Danny said on June 24, 2009 at 8:00 pm

    How’s about, “Sir Jeffrey, the Lion-Hearted, Protector of the Realm, Encourager to Those Wearing Practical Shoes and Layers — ‘Cuz You Just Never Know About the Weather”

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  46. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on June 24, 2009 at 8:13 pm

    Hey, i was “Jeff” for a couple of years, and then in the Goeglein kerfuffle, two other rather intemperate Jeffs started posting, and i wanted to clarify who i was not. The TMMO suffix has been a pleasant identifier, but i can be happy going by anything other than “Mark Sanford.”

    Jeff TLHPRETTWPSLCYJNKAW is a bit much, even without the “Sir.” Danny, you may just call me “Your Ineffability.”

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  47. Jolene said on June 24, 2009 at 8:17 pm

    The curse is that some sentences can’t be unread.

    Right. I’m not sure whether I’d rather not have read Mark Sanborn’s email to his mistress or rather not have watched the How to Shave Your [Bodypart] videos. Unfortunately, I did both.

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  48. brian stouder said on June 24, 2009 at 8:21 pm

    And now, Detroit-style!, come the steamy e-mails, at least from the governor to the object of his desire

    You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that so fitting with your beauty. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light – but hey, that would be going into sexual details …”

    Every free-lance photo seller (I don’t feel like looking up the correct spelling of paparazi) worth his or her salt must be in a mad scramble to find images of this women with the ‘two magnificent parts’!!

    For the record, I think it was cowardly to resign from the GOP campaign committee, but not from his governorship.

    If anyone of you or I simply disappeared and missed 7 days of work, so that no one – including our family – had any idea where we even were, we’d simply be fired, as he should be if he won’t resign.

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  49. nancy said on June 24, 2009 at 8:25 pm

    Do you think “hiking the Appalachian trail” will become a euphemism? E.g.: “Darling? Would you like to hike the Appalachian trail?” Better: “I suspect you have been hiking the Appalachian trail with someone else.”

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  50. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on June 24, 2009 at 8:52 pm

    STOP – STOP – STOP – not the two magnificent parts line again.

    How about the euphemism “driving the Argentine coast”?

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  51. MarkH said on June 24, 2009 at 9:09 pm

    Brian just touched on something in his last graph: as a governor (or any elected official), isn’t it the easiest thing to do, to just half-bake a plausible reason for any type of “official” visit to anywhere, get a lying staff on board and make it stick? Rather than leave a gaping hole in your official schedule with no way to explain, so no lie your staff comes up with has any ring of truth? I mean, how hard is it to just establish a “fact-finding mission for how latino economic stimulus programs can work in my state”??? A few retail store and factory visits with your concubine, er, liason, uh, OFFICIAL GUIDE (yeah, that’s it!) and mission accomplished. Stupid people all around.

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  52. nancy said on June 24, 2009 at 9:15 pm

    Rachel Maddow just asked the State reporter who confronted him if he “seemed OK” — with just that subtext. This goes beyond stupid into willful self-destruction.

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  53. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on June 24, 2009 at 9:21 pm

    Ana Marie Cox proposed, even before the announcement — what if he’s just flippin’ insane? She of course did not flip, so to speak.

    There is a huge degree of dissociation going on here, which i suppose can often be an occupational hazard in political life; in a prosaic way, he’s just got an amplifier and reverb hooked up to the same softly spoken set of rationalizations that guys say all the time — “i was trying to help, we were both wanting to encourage each other’s marriage, things just happened, we couldn’t stop.” You’ve gotta have someone in your life to snort and say “Mark, c’mon, things just happened? Like in a dream, you realized your pants disappeared? C’mon, man up; you did the wrong thing and you didn’t want to stop and you worked at making it “just happen” again — right?”

    Which, may i add, is often greeted with vast, tearful relief and silent nods. But if you got no one in your life who can say that to you, the voices you hear inside your tiny little cranium do a great job of the old sitcom little guy on each shoulder scenario, with the one in the red suit always prevailing.

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  54. Jolene said on June 24, 2009 at 9:24 pm

    I like “driving the Argentine coast” as a euphemism. I’ve been seeing “hiking the Appalachian trail” suggested as an all-purpose excuse rather than a euphemism for illicit nookie. But, hey, both are good additions to the lexicon.

    Mark Sanford is not, apparently, an experienced liar.

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  55. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on June 24, 2009 at 9:26 pm

    Meanwhile, the Iran story should lead everything, EVERYTHING, but we have only audio, not visuals for what (may have) happened, while there’s this great visual of a sorry, sad, ultimately nonsignificant story from a national POV.

    Still waiting for the next round of cell pix, but the fact that ALL the Iran Twitter feeds are down tells me this is as awful as the one call that got through to CNN made it sound.

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  56. coozledad said on June 24, 2009 at 9:47 pm

    How about “Your areolas have always been like Oreo-las to me, babe.”

    My wife didn’t like it either.

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  57. brian stouder said on June 24, 2009 at 10:06 pm

    This story will have legs (so to speak) and will become a navel-gazing/thumb sucker (sorry)…because the newspaper (the State) has had the e-mails since December(!!), and found the woman some time ago. Why did they not, like, you know – REPORT this stuff?

    Aside from that, regarding the lexicon – I prefer “Darling – let’s do the Patagonia; no – I’ve a better idea – storm the Falklands!”

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  58. beb said on June 24, 2009 at 10:14 pm

    we’re supposed to believe that the governor flew to Argentina, was completely out of contact with his aides just to schtupp his mistress? The naked hiking celebration was more believable than that. I mean, it’s a long ways to go to have sex. Surely there were closer, private places they could have gone to? Las Vegas, maybe? How could the governor imagine that he could disappear for a week and not have someone come looking for him. Has he lost his mind? I’m more willing to believe he ran off to have some covert face lifting so he’d be all handsome for his prez run — not that that’s going to happen now.

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  59. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on June 24, 2009 at 10:25 pm

    It sounds like he went down there “to break it off,” which those of us who have talked friends off these crumbling ledges know means go “to see if there’s still a chance.” Which no doubt his wife already knows, or has figured out. She changed the locks two weeks ago and said “figure out what you want to do, and let me know through either my lawyer or my father, but do not try to sell me any more tired rationalizations, by phone, e-mail, or in person…got it?”

    Either the lady in Argentina said “non, finis,” when he got there, or the negotiation was still under weigh and seeking harbor when shots across the bow were fired from back in SC, and he came to a partial realization of “holy cr4p, i’m quasi-delusional” — and came home.

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  60. Danny said on June 24, 2009 at 10:26 pm

    Danny, you may just call me “Your Ineffability.”

    Okay, if you say so: “You’re an effin’ hill-billy.”

    Well, speaking of euphemisms, going down there “to break if off” sounds awfully suspicious, Pastor!

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  61. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on June 24, 2009 at 10:28 pm

    As Axel says a few times in “The Deer Hunter,” Effin’ Eh.

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  62. Danny said on June 24, 2009 at 10:33 pm

    Man, I can’t type or think tonight. I had to edit that last post three times. Being up since 2AM does not agree with me.

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  63. moe99 said on June 24, 2009 at 10:34 pm

    Jeff tmmo, what do you think of Jenny Sanford’s press release?

    South Carolina’s First Lady Jenny Sanford released the following statement Wednesday:

    “I would like to start by saying I love my husband and I believe I have put forth every effort possible to be the best wife I can be during our almost twenty years of marriage. As well, for the last fifteen years my husband has been fully engaged in public service to the citizens and taxpayers of this state and I have faithfully supported him in those efforts to the best of my ability. I have been and remain proud of his accomplishments and his service to this state.

    I personally believe that the greatest legacy I will leave behind in this world is not the job I held on Wall Street, or the campaigns I managed for Mark, or the work I have done as First Lady or even the philanthropic activities in which I have been routinely engaged. Instead, the greatest legacy I will leave in this world is the character of the children I, or we, leave behind. It is for that reason that I deeply regret the recent actions of my husband Mark, and their potential damage to our children.

    I believe wholeheartedly in the sanctity, dignity and importance of the institution of marriage. I believe that has been consistently reflected in my actions. When I found out about my husband’s infidelity I worked immediately to first seek reconciliation through forgiveness, and then to work diligently to repair our marriage. We reached a point where I felt it was important to look my sons in the eyes and maintain my dignity, self-respect, and my basic sense of right and wrong. I therefore asked my husband to leave two weeks ago.

    This trial separation was agreed to with the goal of ultimately strengthening our marriage. During this short separation it was agreed that Mark would not contact us. I kept this separation quiet out of respect of his public office and reputation, and in hopes of keeping our children from just this type of public exposure. Because of this separation, I did not know where he was in the past week.

    I believe enduring love is primarily a commitment and an act of will, and for a marriage to be successful, that commitment must be reciprocal. I believe Mark has earned a chance to resurrect our marriage.

    Psalm 127 states that sons are a gift from the Lord and children a reward from Him. I will continue to pour my energy into raising our sons to be honorable young men. I remain willing to forgive Mark completely for his indiscretions and to welcome him back, in time, if he continues to work toward reconciliation with a true spirit of humility and repentance.

    This is a very painful time for us and I would humbly request now that members of the media respect the privacy of my boys and me as we struggle together to continue on with our lives and as I seek the wisdom of Solomon, the strength and patience of Job and the grace of God in helping to heal my family.

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  64. Danny said on June 24, 2009 at 10:43 pm

    Classy, dignified, graceful. Better than he probably deserves.

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  65. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on June 24, 2009 at 10:55 pm

    IMO, she’s saying — i didn’t do the damage, and i’m not going to be the one who ends it. If you don’t want to try, don’t blame me, but don’t wait for me to call a lawyer because i have sons to raise, and some damage to repair. Get some help, prove you have even a hint of understanding of what you’ve done, and we can talk and maybe even pray together. But please don’t explain anything to me.

    One gets the impression he’s done lots of explaining to her over the last few months, and she’s not responding with “oh, i see, honey,” and he can’t deal with that. So two weeks ago, she said “here’s the deal, but i’ll do my part to the extent it takes to let you do your job,” and he went all “oh, i’m so hurt by that,” and ran to The Argentine at the earliest interval . . . where it sounds like he might have heard “what, are you kidding me? No, i’m staying right here.”

    And like the proverbial ass between two piles of hay, he stood baffled in Buenos Aires until the volume of emails on his Blackberry sunk in and swayed him to . . . wherever it is he’s standing right now. Which is a lonely place of his own making.

    While she has her dad sitting at the door of a house on Sullivan’s Island, possibly with a shotgun in his lap. Could be rock salt, might not be. Sanford and paparazzi may consider themselves on notice.

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  66. basset said on June 24, 2009 at 11:00 pm

    I keep hearing a Blue Meanie…


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  67. Danny said on June 24, 2009 at 11:10 pm

    The trial separation thing kind of reminds me of a (now) funny story from when I was a teenager and told my high school sweetheart that it would be best if we would break up … for the summer, only, of course.

    You see, there was this other girl who I really liked…

    Anyway, not only did I NOT get to go out with this other girl, but I got a good butt whoopin’ from my old girlfriend’s new boyfriend.

    It may not sound funny, but I do laugh thinking about some of the dumb things we did as teens.

    The moral of the story is don’t break up for the summer? Don’t get your butt whooped? I dunno. Something like that.

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  68. alex said on June 24, 2009 at 11:16 pm

    I believe wholeheartedly in the sanctity, dignity and importance of the institution of marriage.

    Oh yeah, Jenny? My man don’t fuck out on me. I’d say what we’ve got going beats the hell outta yours. Go back to Wall Street and sell your commodities to another bidder.

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  69. del said on June 24, 2009 at 11:24 pm

    Danny, I like what Morgan Freeman’s character says to the parole board in The Shawshank Redemption — something about wanting to go back in time to when he was 20 and whoop his own butt.

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  70. Jolene said on June 24, 2009 at 11:27 pm

    It’s not surprising, Danny, that this incident calls up teenage memories, as it seems to me that Sanford is acting exactly like a lovesick teenager. I feel sorry for him, to some extent. He’s fallen in love, it seems, and is acting in a way that is consistent with his political persona–that is, a sort of romantic idealist of the right. What he doesn’t seem to realize is that the opportunity to fall in love is all around us and that, if you are married, you’re supposed to walk away. You can’t always follow your feelings anymore than, in politics, you can always stick to your ideals.

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  71. moe99 said on June 25, 2009 at 12:33 am

    Alex, you castigate Jenny, you are flinging it at me. I figured I was willing to stay in the marriage because of two things: 1) the children and 2) the marriage itself, the most sacred vow in public that I felt I had ever taken, superseding even my oath as I was sworn in as an attorney. Someone once told me that the greatest gift a man can give his children is to love his wife, and this still rings hard and true with me.

    Again, you castigate Jenny, you are throwing rocks at more women than you know.

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  72. Jolene said on June 25, 2009 at 12:54 am

    Yeah, I didn’t get the rationale for busting on Jenny either. Her statement was a little overwrought for my taste, but, based on what little we know, it doesn’t seem that she’s done anything to justify verbal assaults.

    Granted, she is probably not a proponent of same-sex marriage, but I’m not sure that we gain respect for gay marriage by sneering at straight people whose marriages fail.

    Your remark seemed to lack your usual deft touch, Alex.

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  73. Dexter said on June 25, 2009 at 1:47 am

    caption time for this photo:

    my entry: “No, don’t be silly—YOU’RE not the pig that’s I’m greasing this weekend!”

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  74. Dexter said on June 25, 2009 at 2:18 am

    electronic mail–mail sent electronically——–

    “One from the governor read: “I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light — but hey, that would be going into sexual details.”

    Several residents said they were disappointed in Sanford. ”
    —Chicago Tribune account

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  75. ROgirl said on June 25, 2009 at 6:54 am

    Why do these guys immortalize their indiscretions by expressing their thoughts in writing? I mean, come on, have their brains really stopped functioning by that point and they’re just floating on the intoxication of lust? Is it the ultimate in compartmentalization? Hey, I am the Governor of South Carolina and I can wield power the way I see fit and still send salacious emails to my hot South American mistress.

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  76. alex said on June 25, 2009 at 7:20 am

    On reflection that was pretty nasty of me. Please pardon my lapse in judgment, y’all. That was an alcohol-fueled knee-jerk reaction on my part.

    What got my dander up when I read her words is that if she’s been running Mark Sanford’s campaigns she’s been complicit in selling snake oil.

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  77. coozledad said on June 25, 2009 at 7:34 am

    Alex: I thought as a wife of one of C Street’s vanguard of the Biblethumpers, she was just supposed to shut up and let it all wash over her. After all, as a child of the living God, Mark can do whatever the hell it is he wants.
    This group’s coziness with Opus Dei is a little unsettling to me. They’re still digging up mass graves in Spain from the days when these pricks were in charge.

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