The girl can’t help it.

It’s one of those mornings. Just a warning.

These things happen, late in the week. The accumulated lack of sleep piles up until Thursday, when I’m positively dull-witted. Friday I get a second wind, but Thursdays just suck. To quote a recent Kim Severson tweet: The bags under my eyes are so big Delta charged me $25 each. I should be used to working late and getting up early, but friends, I am not. My boss told me once he hasn’t gotten more than four hours sleep since he started his company. I shudder to think.

So, in honor of my lack of functioning brain cells, let’s lower the tone. Let’s talk about…oh, what’s in the file here… Got it! Boobs.

If you’re not online as much as I am, you’ve doubtless missed the story of Debrahlee Lorenzana, who is apparently bringing suit against her former employer, who fired her (she claims) because her smokin’ hotness. The story has been followed mostly by Gawker, and thanks to the miracle of tagging, I can link you to a single page of posts, where you are advised to start at the bottom and read up.

Debrahlee is, indeed, lovely, and it’s easy to see how a bunch of loutish bankers would find her distracting when she strolled through the room. I used to work with a woman somewhat like this — young, beautiful, and a very sharp dresser. It was the latter that made her a head-turner, because most newsrooms are oceans of Dockers and polo shirts and other unfortunate sartorial choices. She was also Asian, and had that almost impossibly tiny frame Asian women frequently have. She was fond of wide, waist-cinching belts, and whenever she walked by, I would think, Somewhere, Scarlett O’Hara is weeping.

Anyhoo, Debrahlee. (I’m going to start calling her “Debbie.” This ridiculous spelling is getting on my nerves.) Debbie’s case is very strange, because her lawyer appears to have tricked her out in a number of plunging necklines and stiletto heels to…what end, exactly? Demonstrate how hot she is? Is this to bolster her case? Because if I were an office manager I’d probably tell her to lay off the V-necks, too. Which reminds me of another one of my former colleagues, a summer intern who once appeared for work in a sheer blouse and a hot-pink bra. You didn’t get the sense she was going for any sort of va-va-voom factor, it was just, y’know, what was clean that morning. The editor who sent her home to change earned her check that week. It was widely believed at the time that she had “some sort of developmental delay,” as the health writer delicately put it. Yes, friends, that was our newsroom — the place that hired mentally challenged interns.

Back to Debbie. She keeps turning up in the news, always with many, many photographs, always with a vague message that seemed to boil down to I am sooo hot. At one point she said she couldn’t help the way she looked, her slender body and her full breasts were “genetic,” and shouldn’t she be able to hold a job like everyone else? She almost had me for a while; the Gorgeous-American community has rights, too.

Then, yesterday, Gawker found the smoking videotape — Debbie featured in a plastic-surgery marketing video shot some years back, asking for “huge, double-D breasts” so she can look like “a Playboy Playmate.” So much for genetics, but you probably already figured that out.

Which brings us to the other boob story of the morning: Did Sarah Palin buy herself a pair? Please please please let this story be true. Please. (I’m dubious, however. She doesn’t look all that enhanced. On the other hand, there is no way those are the natural breasts of a fortysomething veteran of five pregnancies.) If it’s true, it would indicate desperation has begun to nibble around the edges of her steely confidence. And that’s a good thing.

Boobs, male variety: Don’t let the children of gay parents go to our Catholic school! They’ll probably bring porn and dildos to show-and-tell. No further comment needed.

Belated attention to Hank Stuever, who is not a boob, with some suggestions, and a couple musts-to-avoid, for your summer reading list. (There’s a boob-related anecdote within.)

Via Brendan, a Brian Dickerson column on how Michigan might emulate California, but in a good way. Boob factor: The state legislature.

And with that, the caffeine has kicked in and I’m outta here. Off to the gym. To work on my pectorals.

Posted at 9:55 am in Current events, Popculch |

58 responses to “The girl can’t help it.”

  1. Dorothy said on June 10, 2010 at 10:22 am

    I came into the office yesterday morning and told my two co-workers, Mary and Nikki, about the Debbie/Debrahlee story because I’d just read it in the Columbus Dispatch. When I said she claimed she was fired for being too sexy and good looking, Mary immediately said “Oh no girls, watch out!! We’re next!” We laughed all morning about that one. We’re all in our 50’s (well, Nik is 49 but that’s close enough). When I Googled Deb’s name I also found the article about her having been enhanced in 2003. Sounds like she planned all of this attention from the start.

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  2. Jeff Borden said on June 10, 2010 at 10:48 am

    I would not put a breast augmentation operation above the Divine Miss P., whose status as a multi-millionaire clearly has not improved her snowbilly tastes. She’s building the McMansion (though it looks like a blocky double-wide with a lot of windows). . .Todd is driving a brand new, big honking black Dodge Ram pickup. . .why not a pair of store-bought hooters to wow `em down at the Wasilla Wal-Mart? I mean, if you are going to show up for the Belmont Stakes dressed in a tight white top, black bra, shorts and a trucker cap, you are screaming your lack of class and style. Fake titties aren’t much of a reach.

    But I’m guessing it’s a really just a good push-up bra ’cause, you know, real Americans don’t do plastic surgeries. That’s for those Hollywood elites.

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  3. alex said on June 10, 2010 at 10:48 am

    Don’t let the kids of NRA members into our schools. You know what they’ll bring to show-and-tell.

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  4. Jeff Borden said on June 10, 2010 at 10:57 am

    Non-boobage laughter.

    Follow the link to this hilarious send-up of how BP executives might handle a spilled cup of coffee. It’s pretty clever.

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  5. Deborah said on June 10, 2010 at 11:02 am

    We call it: Cleavage for Jesus.

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  6. Jeff Borden said on June 10, 2010 at 11:12 am

    If we discover evidence of telephone calls between Our Lady of Wasilla and Carrie Prejean aka Princess Jesus Boobies, we’ll know $P has had some work done.

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  7. Sue said on June 10, 2010 at 11:15 am

    There is a segment of the Catholic church, represented by idiots like Mr. Boob, who will not be happy until they’ve purified the church right back down to twelve guys.

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  8. LAMary said on June 10, 2010 at 11:20 am

    Did anyone here catch Carly Fiorina dissing Barbara Boxer’s hair style as being “so yesterday?” Carly thought the microphone wasn’t on. Sarah Palin is taking credit for Carly winning her primary since she endorsed Carly. I guess the fact her opponent had no money and Carly wallpapered the local stations with ads paid for by her own bucks had nothing to do with it.

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  9. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on June 10, 2010 at 11:21 am

    Well, eleven.

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  10. Julie Robinson said on June 10, 2010 at 11:30 am

    Well, for what it’s worth, I don’t think SP breastfed. But after a certain age, no woman is naturally perky, though good underpinnings can help.

    Honestly, if Debrahlee were around, I would find her distracting too.

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  11. Deborah said on June 10, 2010 at 11:48 am

    $P – Jeff B that’s a great way to refer to Ms Palin. I’m going to use that from now on.

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  12. Bob (Not Greene) said on June 10, 2010 at 11:58 am

    I don’t think $P had a boob job, though I wouldn’t put it past her. And, I don’t know, Deb is hot and all, but to the point of making every guy in the office act like the wolf in those old Tex Avery cartoons? Really? I worked at one place where there was a receptionist who early on in her days with the company greeted all with a generous shot of her ample (and artificially enhanced) cleavage. All it took was a word from the office manager and the problem was solved.

    I have a feeling that Smokin’ Hot Deb was probably fired for being a pain in the ass more than for her ass itself.

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  13. Dexter said on June 10, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    A male friend, age 62, says Lohan has had a boob job, judging from a Gawker low-cut photo. I say no way, they appear in no way to be enhanced surgically.
    Anybody have the hot skinny on this ?

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  14. LAMary said on June 10, 2010 at 12:06 pm

    The style has changed so I’m seeing less of it now, but a couple of years ago about a quarter of the young women I interviewed for jobs here showed up with either boobage issues or low rise pants with a top too short to cover the real estate between the garments.That was in the good old days when people thought displaying their hotness would get them a job as a nursing assistant. Now I reject people for publishing photos of themselves drunk or holding a joint or passed out half naked on Facebook.

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  15. Sue said on June 10, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    Meet you halfway, Jeff – eleven WHITE guys.

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  16. basset said on June 10, 2010 at 12:31 pm

    And now, once again, for something completely different… Michigan road history:

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  17. Sue said on June 10, 2010 at 12:52 pm

    BP Disaster, Chapter 2: John Boehner says “the people responsible” for the spill should pick up the tab. Unfortunately, he includes the government along with BP as “the people responsible”. Open up your wallets, folks, by the time the minority party is done with this, taxpayers will be paying BP for the inconvenience we caused them.
    Nancy’s not the only one who’s cranky.

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  18. Jeff Borden said on June 10, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    I am fairly certain John Boehner is heavily dependent on petroleum products to retain that robust orange color he favors. What a pygmy.

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  19. Dorothy said on June 10, 2010 at 1:24 pm

    Mary I have a question about looking at job applicants’ photos on Facebook. Due the privacy settings, I would assume that some, maybe not all, of the applicants might have their photos private. If that’s the case, is there a way around the privacy issues that allows you to look at the pictures? Maybe employers have some special log in or something at Facebook. I’ve always wondered how this works.

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  20. beb said on June 10, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    WADL (Detroit) has been rerunning the old Batman TV show. My daughter became a batman fan after The Dark Knight. She’s been watching the series faithfully, though with many snide comments. The third season of the series introduced Batgirl whose most dangerous crime-fighting weapon would appear to be her needle-sharp boobs. The third season also tried to hip-ify the show by having surfing contests, hippies and “woman libbers.” For some reason in yesterday’s show the police force was entirely replaced bu woman. The new commissioner happened to be the villain. But it was embarassing to see them frightened (eventually fainting) by mice, too busy with make-up to stop crime and, for some reason, all wearing mini-skirts. God, Hollywoods hates liberals!

    Gawker crashes my obsolite but mandated work browser so I can’t check out the Debbie story, but I have to agree that it sounds like she’s trying to get fired from her job. As for whether Miss P had her pillows fluffed…..I’m sorry, got to thinking of Eartha Kitt as Cat Woman. Now there was a woman who knew how to put the hot in hotness!

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  21. Deborah said on June 10, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    I’m sure Boehner is heavily dependent on petroleum dollars too.

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  22. Connie said on June 10, 2010 at 1:40 pm

    basset, love the Michigan highway page. There are my favorite highways, M22 and M109. I have an M22 sticker on my car, and I believe Sue has referred to her M22 t-shirt. I fondly remember M209, decommissioned in 1997, but at .37 miles, once known as the shortest designated highway in the state. (Sue and Holly, this is the road to Glen Haven Beach.)

    I have fond memories of all the small towns on US 31 we used to go through on our trips up north. We were heading south of Manistee once, and got stuck behind a long slow funeral procession. We thought it was so funny when the procession turned at the sign pointing to Freesoil.

    My hometown highway was M21, which lost its highway designation when it become the 196 business route. The last stretch of 196 was built during my high school years, and several of my high school friends lost their homes and farms to it. The summer after my senior year a large group of us took a bike trip on the soon to be opened freeway.

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  23. Jolene said on June 10, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    ” . . . had her pillows fluffed”

    Heh. Great phrase.

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  24. Bob (Not Greene) said on June 10, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    beb, I’m more of a Julie Newmar as Catwoman kind of guy. Now if she worked where I worked …

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  25. LAMary said on June 10, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    Dorothy, I don’t go to any great lengths to see people’s photos. If they are private I can’t see them. It’s only people stupid enough to have the drunk pictures public who get my attention. Other than having a facebook account myself I don’t do anything special. I’m not too crazy about doing this kind of snooping, but it is now part of the process. Just googling people can make you think twice about hiring sometimes.

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  26. brian stouder said on June 10, 2010 at 2:55 pm

    I love boobs! (and my lovely wife would probably add that she does, too; she married one) Certainly, I prefer them to worked-on pectorals. As for “girls who can’t help it”, didja see that Britney Spears is being sued by one of her security guys; he says she harrassed him. Her anonymous defenders (as we learn at TMZ) say this is ridiculous – because “you KNOW what you’re in for when you’re on her staff”; she loves to shed all her clothes and flit around the house in all her natural glory. (I bet the makeup people “on her staff” are constantly challenged to keep a healthy glow upon her appendages; and the house cleaners have to remove that glow from the BarcaLounger)

    But brushing aside boobs, the question is whether a person’s hair is “so yesterday” or not, eh? Ms Palin wouldn’t pass Ms Fiorina’s standards, I’m guessing. (“That Girl” is so last century, y’know?)

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  27. Dorothy said on June 10, 2010 at 3:06 pm

    That’s pretty much what I expected, Mary. Thanks for the explanation. I’ve Googled some names recently of people applying for a job here in my division. Haven’t turned up any rotten eggs. Yet.

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  28. Bob (Not Greene) said on June 10, 2010 at 3:27 pm

    Oh, and speaking of the title of this posting “the girl can’t help it” and boobs, well, all I can say is this. Cue Little Richard.

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  29. alex said on June 10, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    Ah, so that’s where the song comes from. It’s been rattling around in my head all day. I’m familiar with it through a John Waters film, though.

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  30. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on June 10, 2010 at 3:47 pm

    Brushing aside boobs, Brian? That seems so inconsiderate . . .

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  31. Julie Robinson said on June 10, 2010 at 3:54 pm

    I’m just thrilled any day that my hair looks semi-okay, much less worrying about the todayness of the style. And it really irks me when well-known women criticize other women about crap like that. I bet Carly Fiorina would make hay of a man making a similar comment about her own hair. Stick to the issues, Carly.

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  32. Sue said on June 10, 2010 at 3:54 pm

    Brian, shall we get down to Ms. Fiorina’s level? Ready, set (and with appropriate facial expressions and body language)… “What are you, twelve?”

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  33. brian stouder said on June 10, 2010 at 3:55 pm

    See, one of the great things about nn.c is how it keeps us abreast of current events (and hairstyles)

    In all seriousness, though, I think that a remark as boneheaded as the one Ms Fiorina made, in front of a tv camera in a studio, marks her as a Not Ready for Primetime Player

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  34. Colleen said on June 10, 2010 at 3:56 pm

    The title song for “The Girl Can’t Help It” was written by Bobby Troup, Mr. Route 66. It’s a fun little movie.

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  35. Sue said on June 10, 2010 at 4:20 pm

    Just watched the Carly Fiorina clip.
    OMG did you see that dress? Does it come with sensible shoes?
    Sorry, sometimes I just can’t help myself.

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  36. LAMary said on June 10, 2010 at 4:25 pm

    I saw Bobby Troup loudly make an ass of himself trying to get a table at Tony Roma’s one night. Pulling the whole “don’t you know who I am” stuff. Sheesh. We were waiting for a table at the same time and it was barely a fifteen minute wait.

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  37. Jeff Borden said on June 10, 2010 at 4:27 pm


    You are not allowed to comment on Ms. Fiorina because she is a cancer survivor. She, on the other hand, is under no such restriction.

    I’m not particularly surprised by the stupid things newcomers to the public eye say while running for public office, whether it is Rand Paul and the Civil Rights Act, or the Republican Senatorial nominee from Nevada, Sue Angle, who has spoken out against fluoridated water. These folks are unaccustomed to dealing with the media.

    I am quite surprised that Carlyfornia put her foot into her mouth so quickly. She did, after all, run a major company, albeit right into the side of a mountain, so she should be used to being around microphones. Her comment is so stereotypically catty, too. She didn’t do much to move the meme of the strong, capable woman forward by snarking on someone else’s hairstyle.

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  38. nancy said on June 10, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    May I just say, however, that as a reporter, I always appreciate it when a politician sticks his or her foot in the ol’ boca, however untoward the comment. One of Evan Bayh’s unsuccessful opponents once said you got the impression that if you peeled his skin back, you’d see a lot of circuitry. He was too slick to ever say anything like Carly did. So let’s give Carly a nod for making the campaign that much more interesting.

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  39. brian stouder said on June 10, 2010 at 4:43 pm

    I’m tempted to agree with the Proprietress, given that I think it’s perfectly fair to point to Ohio’s Boner’s bronze visage, for example. On the other hand, being a well-spoken person such as Evan Bayh has its charms, too. Personally, I’m looking forward to what little snippets the woman running for a Senate seat from Nevada (who doubts the wisdom of repealing prohibition) might mutter, as her campaign unfolds (or comes unhinged).

    Aside from that, one time Pam and I went to a nice local restaurant where we had a reservation, and the place was running late. In walked a member of the Fort Wayne City Council who had no reservation (as close as we ever come to celebrity spotting, Mary!), and he and his party sailed right into being seated ahead of us.

    That memory still irks me, a little bit.

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  40. Jolene said on June 10, 2010 at 4:57 pm

    FYI: WaPo has a new article on its web site reporting the latest estimates by the task force appointed to assess the flow rate from, as they say, “the dark geyser at the botom of the Gulf of Mexico”. Has some good info re how they are now making these estimates.

    You won’t be surprised to learn that the estimate is higher than previous statements issued by both BP and the feds. And more figures based on the higher quality video now available will be released soon.

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  41. Dave said on June 10, 2010 at 4:59 pm

    There are those who are convinced that fluoridated water is slowly poisoning us all, they remind me of the other folks like Suzanne Somers and Jenny McCarthy and another acquaintance I know who are convinced of these sorts of things like fluoridated water and vaccinations and contrails are plots to harm us, the list goes on, there’s much to be afraid of in todays’ world.

    Yes, Carly did Hewlett-Packard no good, I don’t understand why one would spend gobs of ones own money for a political job. I guess I simply don’t possess that yearning for power fetish.

    Debbie should have been fired, I’m guessing she is like our hostess’ high maintenance Drupal she wrote of yesterday. Where is she from? She has a odd way of speaking (yes, I couldn’t resist watching the video).

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  42. Jolene said on June 10, 2010 at 5:02 pm

    Re Carly Fiorina: I vote w/ Nancy for more open mic moments–not only for the entertainment value, but because her cattiness makes her look bad and, from my perspective, that’s all to the good.

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  43. LAMary said on June 10, 2010 at 6:26 pm

    Carly and Meg spend many of their own millions to get the nominations. They (and Steve Poizner who ran against Whitman) were unavoidable on television for months, all three of them using their own money. There’s something really wrong with this. Really terrible.

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  44. alex said on June 10, 2010 at 6:30 pm

    her cattiness makes her look bad

    And so does her hair. Who the hell is she to rip on someone else’s? Was the blonde crew-cut dyke look because she had cancer? She seems to have changed it to a dark ersatz Jew ‘fro. Neither suits her.

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  45. deb said on June 10, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    dexter, lohan most definitely had a boob job, a long time ago. she hosted “saturday night live” shortly thereafter, and references to her, um, enhancements were woven into damn near every sketch.

    speaking of implants, my mammogram tech told me recently her procedure for women with implants (gentlemen, you may want to avert your eyes): manipulate the implant until it’s up against the chest wall, then pull the remaining breast tissue away and flatten it between the plates. the tech says she loathes this; the patients have a very rough time. bet the plastic surgeons never tell the debrahlees of the world they have THAT to look forward to.

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  46. LAMary said on June 10, 2010 at 8:19 pm

    Alex, I recall the scene where the song The Girl Can’t Help It was playing. Wasn’t it in Pink Flamingos when Divine shoplifted a steak and was hiding it in a very personal place?

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  47. Julie Robinson said on June 10, 2010 at 8:28 pm

    A ROUGH time? Good God! Mammos are painful enough to begin with. Women considering the procedure should be required to watch a video and then have a 24 hr waiting period, like some states’ abortion laws. Ouchouchouchouchouch.

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  48. coozledad said on June 10, 2010 at 8:36 pm

    deb: Add the risk of hospital borne infections to that coarse, stupid work and it can get really ugly.
    My wife had an aerobics instructor who was rail thin (one of the few smokers in the profession) who got herself a pair of tits about the size of mine at the insistence of her smarmy husband, and at considerable cost. She was disappointed they couldn’t make them bigger (probably a little postoperative depression), but there won’t no side(front?) meat to scoop out,even.
    A knee to his balls would have been cheaper.

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  49. Linda said on June 10, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    LA Mary:
    Re: Bobby Troupe making an ass of himself with “you don’t know who I am.” Gregory Peck was told by a companion once to “tell them who you are.” He said that if you had to tell someone who you are, then you aren’t. Perfect.

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  50. Dexter said on June 10, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    TY 4 the info, Deb. I had a busy day, mowing my lawn, volunteering to trim bushes for a friend, I drove to Indiana for a little business , then rode my little motorcycle for an hour, visited a friend, shopped for groceries…on and on…and I did not suck down a Red Bull, did not ingest any powerful speed, nope, but I did eat two pineapple Danishes for breakfast. I will remember the powerful energy jolt they give a body.
    And now Waterloo Indiana gets some good news: Sarah Fisher the race car owner-driver is coming to the grand opening of the new Dollar General store this Saturday. No town needed a Dollar General store as badly as Waterloo. I am serious.

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  51. brian stouder said on June 10, 2010 at 9:05 pm

    I recall watching Sarah Fisher racing in the dirt at El Dora*, years ago. Watching those racers charging around that short track in winged sprints, usually pointed about 45 degrees to the left of the direction their cars were actually going (or careening), and still leaving room for one another was quite impressive.

    THAT Sarah (as opposed to the faux-earthy Alaskan one) is the real deal.

    *sticker you see on cars and coolers at El Dora: “It ain’t real racin’ unless there’s dirt in your beer!” Or -“Dirt is for racin’, and asphalt is for gettin’ there”, etc etc

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  52. alex said on June 10, 2010 at 9:37 pm

    LA M—

    Sounds about right. The aural and visual recollections are tracking together. Now time
    to summon the olfactory memories of Smell-o-rama to verify.

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  53. Joe Kobiela said on June 10, 2010 at 10:56 pm

    If given the right equipment Sarah Fisher would beat the crap out of Wanica Patrick. Sarah is probably the best female driver out there. I’m hoping she fly’s into Auburn sat morning I’d like to tell her how much I enjoy watching her race.
    Pilot Joe

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  54. Dexter said on June 10, 2010 at 11:42 pm

    I didn’t even know what Sarah Fisher looks like. Now I do. And it appears Dollar General owns her lock, stock and barrel…her car is the same color as those DG bags.

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  55. Dexter said on June 10, 2010 at 11:59 pm

    I don’t know who is more interesting—or smarter…David Lynch or Deepak Chopra.

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  56. brian stouder said on June 11, 2010 at 8:55 am

    I vote for Mr Lynch; a somewhat twisted film-maker who always has good boobs in his movies, plus haunting themes

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  57. brian stouder said on June 11, 2010 at 10:04 am

    and btw, that “boob-related anecdote” in the Stuever column was scraping-finger-nail-on-the-chalkboard stuff.


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