What’s your racket?

A great lunch with the Lansing colleagues today. One told us about the time he managed a nude beach near San Francisco. The social culture there seems right for nude sunbathing, the weather not so much. Nevertheless, on days when it was warm enough for seaside lolling, i.e. above 70 degrees, a few hardy souls would come out, strip off and catch their share of rays.

“What’s involved with managing a nude beach?” I wondered. A short list: Stringing up the banner warning away those who might not know what they were getting into, opening the sunblock concession, a few other minor chores, “and then I was on masturbation patrol.” Wow. I get that men like to look at naked women, for sure. It’s just that I’ve never seen a nudist encampment with even a small handful of people you’d actually want to see naked. Throw in the chilly Pacific breezes, the sand, the lack of cover, and you’d think a person would have enough sense to hang out at home with a magazine about nude volleyball tournaments.

Speaking of nudity, the New York Times had a feature today on Kate Upton, the social-media supermodel who was unknown a year ago, and this week debuts on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. She owes her fame to YouTube and, duh, her naturally wonderful body. How wonderful? This video, called Kate Upton Slow Motion, should give you an idea. You know what I find amazing about material like this? The comments. There’s a strong faction that says she’s “fat.” OK, sure. Enjoy mom’s basement, kiddo.

How was your Valentine’s Day? I hope you got through it, one way or another. I rolled out of the driveway at 6:37 a.m. and back up it at 5:27 p.m. In between was work and driving. And too much NPR. I love NPR, I donate monthly, but there’s a moment every few weeks when the syrupy voices and preeniness gets on my last nerve. So I switched over to a commercial rock station, the sort of thing I used to listen to regularly. Someone was talking about doing furnace work for a stripper who let her puppy crap all over the house. Wasn’t the idea of getting a lap dance from a stripper who might have puppy poo on her shoes disgusting? he asked. And with that, I snapped the radio off and swore my next car is going to have XM, and I don’t care how much it costs. A few weeks ago I met a guy who said he worked for Clear Channel.

“Oh,” I said, and he and I spoke the words in unison: “The evil empire.”

Now I’m watching Westminster, nursing a single glass of wine, and don’t think I’ll make it to best in show. I called the Doberman as winner of the working group, so the evening was a success. I think it was a fluke, but she set up so nicely. Name was Fifi.

We have much good bloggage today, however.

I touted Animals Talking in All Caps a few days ago. I’ve been working my way through the whole blog, a page at a time, since. This might be my single favorite.

These goddamn Chinese. Can you believe this? Steal the design, steal the profile, and even steal the blue oval:

It looks like a Ford F-150, right down to the iconic blue oval.

But inside the emblem is not the classic Ford script. Instead it’s the three-letter-brand of a Chinese automaker that has borrowed many of the F-150’s details — the hood contours, rectangular grille and extended cab — to emulate the most popular vehicle in America. The JAC 4R3 is set to launch in April during the 2012 Beijing International Automotive Exhibition.

Tommy Tomlinson finds a writing lesson in “Ode to Billy Joe.”

Thank you all for hitting the Bridge links on the right rail; your generosity with your clicks has been noted. There’s some good stuff over there on prison reform, and a short blog piece by moi on a rather dunderheaded misstep in an op-ed “written” by Mitt Romney. It’s not my catch, but it’s a good one.

Finally, I’m growing a little weary of the Jeff Zaslow tributes, but I thought this one, by Neil Steinberg, was very very good.

My eyes feel rubbed raw. Time for bed.

Posted at 12:17 am in Current events, Same ol' same ol' |

82 responses to “What’s your racket?”

  1. Dexter said on February 15, 2012 at 3:41 am

    I have been on two nude beaches, neither I knew was a nude beach, and only one actually had nudes on it.
    It was way back when, and I was exploring in my automobile north of the Golden Gate, and I came across Stinson Beach. I parked and walked the beach and the only people there were a couple and their dog, frisbeeing. Later I found out it was a haven for nudists. Just a few miles south of Carmel was a nearly always deserted beach named Garrapata Beach. It was rugged, a short stretch of huge rocks and lots of sand and you had to scamper down a steep cliff to get to the water’s edge.
    One Sunday one of my army buddies and I just went for a ride and decided to explore the beach, and we noticed a brightly painted VW bus parked there. We noticed the people at the south end of the beach, sitting on the beach tanning. Then we noticed they were all nude, my one and only encounter on a nude beach. Two males walked by us, swinging. We agreed to just leave, we certainly weren’t going to strip and crash the party. Not much of an anecdote I guess.

    I had not heard of Kate Upton until SI made her Queen. She’s nineteen, younger than my oldest granddaughter, fer crissakes.
    I quit buying the swimsuit issue many moons ago. Yeah, she’s a full grown woman, legal and all that, but she looks like a kid to me. I mean, didn’t it creep you out when JFK’s old girlfriend from 1962 revealed “he forcibly took me to his bed in the White House, even though I wanted it…”, and she was 19 and he was 45. Legal, but c’mon, Kennedy, still way out of bounds. Let the 20-somethings ogle the 19 year olds but I have been passing on the SI swimsuit issue for years and years.

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  2. Suzanne said on February 15, 2012 at 7:14 am

    As I look at Kate Upton, all I can think of is the argument I nearly caused a while back with my sister-in-law’s hubby who was gaga over the Miss America that came from Indiana and, by gum, is a good Christian girl. The argument ensued when I mentioned I thought it inappropriate that a good Christian girl prance around on stage in stiletto heels and a bikini. Like Ms. Upton. I have a daughter; I can’t imagine being really ok with her being plastered all over the newsstands in next to nothing. But then again, she’s never been asked and offered mega-bucks to do so.

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  3. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on February 15, 2012 at 7:23 am

    It still strikes me as akin to Forbes running an annual, well, swimsuit issue. Or selling breakfast cereal that’s mostly sugar . . . wait . . .


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  4. basset said on February 15, 2012 at 7:28 am

    Pekingese, best of show. That’s not a dog.

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  5. nancy said on February 15, 2012 at 7:58 am

    Yes, that “swimsuit” Ms. Upton is wearing is ridiculous. At least her thighs don’t look like they’re afraid of each other.

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  6. beb said on February 15, 2012 at 8:10 am

    I can’t watch videos at work but I have seen the slo-mo scene from “10” so I think I’m covered. Someone once got into trouble to suggesting that women are only beautiful between the ages of 15 and 25. I do not endorse that belief but year after year SI’s swimsuit issue would suggest that other people do.

    Is there anything worse than a masturbation patrol? I recall another nameless person, a TV show host or some such today who mentioned his first job was “panty patrol” on American Bandstand. (or was it some MTV dance thing). Getting paid to look up women’s dresses is pretty low but not as low as preventing men from choking the chicken.

    And speaking of the Chinese clone of the F150…. I shake my head every time I hear of another car company (or any industrial company really) opening up a factory in China because they’re just going to steal our technology and use it to bury us.

    I couldn’t care less about the Westminster dog show. Most of the breeds featured there are horrible caricatures of what a dog should be. But I did hear that Westminster has cut off Pedigree dog foods as a sponsor, apparently because of a series of ads promoting adoption of rescue dogs. The reason given seems to be that the dogs in the ads look too sad? I’d look sad, too, if a gas chamber was in my future. But when a dog show gets too snooty to care about stray mutts, well, to hell with them.

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  7. coozledad said on February 15, 2012 at 8:20 am

    When it’s 95 degrees before noon on the farm, I’m at least a semi-nudist, but that’s a sight I would be loath to impose on anyone. And way too many of the chores around here involve sharp or heavy objects to pursue Naturism as anything other than a way to cool off.
    I know it’s narrow minded to disparage it as a hobby, but it’s one of the saddest-assed hobbies I’ve heard of, right up there with string art.

    We used to live a couple of miles from an elderly mentally ill guy who inherited a nice old craftsman farmhouse. In spring and summer, you’d see him tending his garden dressed in a startlingly abbreviated version of the Loincloth of Borneo
    In his case, he probably just liked the wind blowing around his nuts, but Christ, man, would it it kill you to have a damn conscience?

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  8. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on February 15, 2012 at 8:27 am

    I’ve no idea where you’d confirm this, but I keep running into the stat that 80% of all swimsuits purchased never get wet. That would likely include Ms. Upton’s . . . garment. Or patch collection.

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  9. Deborah said on February 15, 2012 at 8:41 am

    “At least her thighs don’t look like they’re afraid of each other.” Good one Nancy.

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  10. Connie said on February 15, 2012 at 8:43 am

    I would hit your links more often if they came over to the comments page with me rather than staying on the home page. And your Romenesko link still goes to Poynter. Si minor this is NOT a complaint.

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  11. Bob (not Greene) said on February 15, 2012 at 9:11 am

    I was surprised that stouder hadn’t commented yet. Then I realized he’s probably got that video on a continuous loop!

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  12. Julie Robinson said on February 15, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Nancy, why not pick up some audio books at the library? They have gotten me through many a long car trip, and even errands seem to go faster when I’m listening to a good book. Or, if your library has downloadable audio books, you could load them on your iPad from home.

    Kate Upton looks much healthier than most models and it’s great that she smiles. But fake boobs are unattractive. This will no doubt be disputed by many of the gentlemen here.

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  13. adrianne said on February 15, 2012 at 9:38 am

    Choked on my coffee when I read Cooze’s comments!

    And … while I’m not a fan of toy dogs, Malachy the wobbly Peke is pretty adorable.

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  14. JWfromNJ said on February 15, 2012 at 9:52 am

    @Bob (NG) – It’s early but we may have a winner!

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  15. Bitter Scribe said on February 15, 2012 at 9:59 am

    My only brush with nudism was when I worked at a newspaper that was on the mailing list for some nudist newsletter. It used to have group shots of their officers or whatever that were as grainy and poorly lit as any newsletter group shot, and the people looked exactly like the kind of middle-aged people who would serve on the board of any social organization, except they were buck naked. It was hilarious.

    Nancy, give Mittens a break. Maybe he absorbed all that stuff about roaring engines and tail fins by osmosis.

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  16. Joe Kobiela said on February 15, 2012 at 10:12 am

    Ran a race at a nudist camp just north of Coldwater Michigan. Very friendly people. I did keep my sunglasses on while I ran. I also watched where I set down.
    Pilot Joe

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  17. Connie said on February 15, 2012 at 10:14 am

    Julie, I also thought they were fake, glad to hear others agree. It has to do with roundness. My brother would tell you it has to do with which way they point when lying down.

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  18. Deborah said on February 15, 2012 at 10:30 am

    I don’t think the breasts are completely fake. They jiggle so they’re at least partly real. Maybe just enhanced a little.

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  19. brian stouder said on February 15, 2012 at 10:32 am

    Bob (ng) – I’ll surely click the link* tonight!

    Years and years (and years) ago, I read a syndicated column in Nancy’s old Fort Wayne newspaper, on the op-ed page, with a headline something like “Those 50+ year old women with Flashy Eyes”….might have been by Jeffery Hart (certainly not Pat Buchanan or WFB or SI Haikawa) (or whatever that guy’s name is).

    He went on and on about how beautiful these “older women” were, and he was fixated on their eyes; it struck me as opaque and bizarre at the time – but he was so earnest about it that it stuck in my brain. Simply put, at that point in my teenaged life, I could not see what he was describing, and I wondered if the day would come that this would change.

    Somewhere between then and now (and I know not when), that day came to pass. Well turned legs and exceptional rackage will definitely turn my head, much as a passing Mini Cooper or a hot air balloon will. But indeed, and against all odds(!), Jeffery Hart (or whoever the hell!) imparted some genuine wisdom on the News-Sentinel op-ed page, back when I was too young to vote.

    PS – haven’t see them yet, but fake boobs on a young person are like curb-feelers and neon lighting on a Ferrari

    *and here’s hoping that “clicking the link” still has only one common meaning.

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  20. Bob (not Greene) said on February 15, 2012 at 10:33 am

    Julie and Connie, I’m not so sure about that. It’s possible, of course, but my vast experience as a red-blooded American he-man leads me to the conclusion that fake boobs don’t move like that.

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  21. Lex said on February 15, 2012 at 10:39 am

    I’ve always thought that the first four lines of Springsteen’s “Highway Patrolman” would lead to a good book or an outstanding short story:

    My name is Joe Roberts. I work for the state.
    Driving out of Perrinville, Barracks No. 8.
    I’ve always done an honest job — honest as I could.
    I’ve got a brother named Frankie. Frankie ain’t no good.

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  22. MichaelG said on February 15, 2012 at 10:55 am

    There are (or were) nudist beaches in the Bay Area that were

    A. Not freezing and
    B. Well stocked with attractive females. Very attractive females.

    They weren’t pick up places. It was a BYOG deal. I always went with a girlfriend. It seemed too pervy to go alone or with another guy.

    One I’m thinking of in particular was on the Russian River. Very nice place but no amenities. Bring whatever you need. Wonder if it’s even still in operation. I was last there many years ago. Also there were the hot springs up at the Geysers near Healdsburg. Again many years ago – like over forty. There was another at a reservoir over near Orinda and another near San Rafael. The ones on the ocean in SF and West Marin were just too cold as someone noted.

    I’m not familiar with Kate Upton and can’t follow the links here. I’ll look when I get home.

    I’m no fan of fake boobs, Julie. Never have been.

    I know about the grand dad thing, Dexter. I keep thinking of what one of those young ladies must see and think when she looks at an old man like me. And I’ve also found that my tastes and ideas of what an attractive woman is have changed as I’ve aged. I find the young ones are too young and have discovered many lovely women in their forties and fifties whom I previously never knew existed.

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  23. caliban said on February 15, 2012 at 11:07 am

    Pete Townshend, Roger Daltry, John Entwistle and Keith Moon had a prescient vision of that Kate Upton video back in 1971 when they released Meaty, Beaty, Big and Bouncy, and maybe even earlier when they wrote and recorded Pictures of Lily. (The Ox on french horn, amazing.) It does seem logical that implants that bounce like that would be liable to rupture, but I wouldn’t know how to identify a boob job without manual examination. Even then, who knows. Pretty sure I’ve never touched any enhanced breasts. I always thought the “fit in a champagne glass” rubric made a lot of sense.

    Memorable S.I Hayakawa quote:

    I’m going to speak my mind because I have nothing to lose.

    That Bohemian Grove reactionary bastard would make a good Kandidate for the Klown Kar. Reportedly, them Bohemians are pretty familiar with communal nakedness.

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  24. Bob (not Greene) said on February 15, 2012 at 11:17 am


    What? Like a champagne flute? Well, to each his own.


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  25. Dorothy said on February 15, 2012 at 11:24 am

    Tom and Lorenzo called Christina Hendricks’ bulging-from-the-bodice-boobs “baby heads” the other day and now I can’t stop thinking of that phrase.

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  26. Jolene said on February 15, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Upton was a guest on the Letterman show last night. Hearing her speak didn’t add to her charms. She doesn’t actually seem as gorgeous to me as some of the previous occupants of this role–too straight in the body and too bouncy in the boobs. But then, I’m not the audience.

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  27. caliban said on February 15, 2012 at 11:31 am

    No, Bob, coupes, like the ones in the champagne fountain in Raging Bull:


    Although, Cecil of Straight Dope is more amusing on the subject:


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  28. Bob (not Greene) said on February 15, 2012 at 11:39 am

    Yeah, I know, caliban. I was going for the joke.

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  29. MarkH said on February 15, 2012 at 11:39 am

    I’d bet the ranch that Kate’s rack is a factory original. Although she works a determined walk to enhance the jiggle (did it on last night’s Letterman as well), fakey-doos don’t respond that way. The SI cover also indicates a more natural state, imho.

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  30. Bitter Scribe said on February 15, 2012 at 11:44 am

    MichaelG: If you went with your girlfriend to a nudist beach that was well-stocked with very attractive females, keeping your eyes where they belonged must have been something of a challenge.

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  31. Judybusy said on February 15, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Aw right, since it looks like it’s gonna be all boobs all day here, I came across this today.

    I would second the library audio books idea. Sometimes NPR is repetitive, boring or I’m just not in the mood to get depressed about the state of the world. And commercial radio just has too many commercials and crap music. I was between audio books yesterday morning, so listened to Bill Frisell’s “Nashville” while driving through pretty fog and a light dusting of snow. It was magical, and set my mood for the whole day.

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  32. Connie said on February 15, 2012 at 11:52 am

    Well guys I’ve never had a close up with fake ones, so we’ll let the guys be the experts. I still say too round on top, which to me is the give away.

    So look for SI swimsuit issue at your local library, you won’t find it. It will either be held at the desk for security reasons or already stolen.

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  33. caliban said on February 15, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    Holy crap. Time to change the search terms.

    I knew that Bob (ng). But you induced mental images of Nat Geographic photos.

    And I wouldn’t call the what happens to Upton’s breasts in that video a “jiggle”. Looks like she could land a self-inflicted knockout with her right or her left with every step. Bet she’s not an avid jogger.

    Not real.

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  34. John (not McCain) said on February 15, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    “I’ve always thought that the first four lines of Springsteen’s “Highway Patrolman” would lead to a good book or an outstanding short story”

    It was made into a movie by Sean Penn several years ago called The Indian Runner. David Morse was the good brother and Vigo Mortensen the bad one. I think it’s excellent, like all the movies Penn has directed, but warning: graphic birth scene.

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  35. Jeff Borden said on February 15, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    I know Bruce Springsteen is occasionally snarked on for his working-class fixation, but I’ve always felt some of the strongest songwriting I’ve heard was on “The River,” which resonated with me far more than it should a white-collar son of a lower-management father. It had to do with my frienships at the time. Many, perhaps most, of the fathers of my friends were men who got their hands dirty at the Twinsburg Chevy or Brookpark Ford plants, who worked in sand and gravel pits, or farmed.

    I’ve always found this snippet of lyrics incredibly profound in such a sad way:

    “Then I got Mary pregnant and man that was all she wrote
    And for my nineteen birthday I got a union card and a wedding coat
    We went down to the courthouse and the judge put it all to rest
    No wedding day smiles no walk down the aisle
    No flowers no wedding dress”

    I still get goosebumps hearing that song.

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  36. Jason T. said on February 15, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    The very first comment on that Detroit News story you linked to, about the fake Chinese trucks? “The real problem is that fake in the White House, selling out to the unions.”

    Why, oh why, do I ever read the comments on news stories?

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  37. Jason T. said on February 15, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    Meanwhile, I’ve all but given up on NPR. I find it almost unlistenable for more than a few minutes at a time. Something about all of the people breathing deeply and acting so sincere and concerned gets on my nerves.

    There has to be a middle ground between NPR’s professional concern trolling and the screaming talk jocks to whom every problem is a threat to our families and the very fabric of the American flag!!! (For at least a few hours, before they move onto the next problem that is a threat to our families and the very fabric of the American flag!!!)

    My best friend these days is my iPod. There’s no shortage of good podcasts from PRI, BBC, CBC and all sorts of other people and organizations. When that gets tiresome, I cue up some old-time radio shows.

    Best of all, podcasts mean I don’t have to listen to Robert Siegel and Michelle Norris straining to sound so doggone balanced and thoughtful all of the time about whatever horseshit is roiling cable TV news that day: “Some critics are saying that President Obama is the anti-Christ and that his presidency marks the beginning of the end-times. Others disagree. To discuss both sides of this issue, here’s David Brooks and E.J. Dionne.”

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  38. Connie said on February 15, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    Oh Caliban, holy crap is right.

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  39. MarkH said on February 15, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    Jason @36 and 37, you had me chuckling in agreement. But good radio is even more limited here in Jackson Hole, so I’m still an NPR listener.

    John (not McCain) thanks for the tip on a 21 year old film I had never heard of. The supporting cast alone makes it a must see for me: Charles Bronson (last non-death wish film), Sandy Dennis (last film), Dennis Hopper, Benicio Tel Toro, Patricia Arquette, Kenny Stabler (yes, THAT Kenny Stabler!).


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  40. caliban said on February 15, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    The boobie beanie is a fine bit of social satire. Reminds me of Ashcroft covering up the breasts on the statue of Justice in America when he took over the Justice Department:


    Watch those hands, you perv. People that are disturbed by mothers breastfeeding in public have serious psychological problems. Ann Coulter is on record as calling Public breastfeeding exhibitionism. She’s also said many times that women that dress provocatively are exhibitionists that invite sexual assault. Seems she thinks public breastfeeding invites sexual assault by anyone but her with a prominent Adam’s apple.

    Casting David Morse as the good brother and Viggo as the bad is smart reverse casting like that of Willem Dafoe and Tom Bergeron in Platoon. And I’ll watch anything with Patricia Arquette in it. Sean Penn is an excellent director, especially when he’s got Jack Nicholson in the cast, as in The Crossing Guard and the Pledge. Into the Wild is one of the most cinematographically gorgeous movies I’ve ever seen, the soundtrack by Eddie Vedder is brilliant, but the kid is so damned self-assured in his abject stupidity, you just want to slap him around and convince him not to leave Slab City and the Salton Sea.

    I always thought Ode to Billy Joe was a good screenplay set to music. It was made into a decent movie, despite having Robbie Benson when Jeff Bridges would have been way better.

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  41. Julie Robinson said on February 15, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Holy crap indeed. Equally impressive are his/her nether regions. I don’t even want to think about how uncomfortable those undies must be.

    And I’m sticking with Upton as surgically enhanced, bouncing or not. No woman achieves that corseted look in a swimsuit without pneumatic assistance.

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  42. Brandon said on February 15, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    No one listens to Unclean Rot anymore. Certainly not when it comes to raising children.

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  43. DellaDash said on February 15, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Sometime during the 70’s while I was living in Topanga Canyon, I actually applied for a job at Elysian Fields, the locally notorious (and somewhat embattled) nudist colony. At that point, I’d already been up to the rather dusty, prickly-brushed site a few times with some of the de-costumed but attired cast from whatever Shakespeare play they’d acted in at Will Geer’s outdoor Theatricum Botanicum that weekend. Those after-parties would’ve been during off hours when the nudists weren’t in full swing, so to speak. They were fully and fleshily present when I came for my interview, though. I can only describe the experience as squirmy. You’d think that having lived the casually semi-nude lifestyle of Topanga/SoCal long enough, this exposure would be no big deal…but even with eyelids at half-mast, I couldn’t help but notice how peculiarly saggy and malformed all these unselfconscious specimens were. Above all, the unwelcome awareness of unchecked bodily secretions made me shudder. I believe I was offered the part-time, clothing-optional position; but never again found any occasion to revisit that particular patch of canyon appealing.

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  44. Dexter said on February 15, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    Della Dash: Pilot Joe referenced the Michigan nudist colony earlier here. I worked with a devotee of that place. He told how it was clearly uncool it was to walk about erect, but when someone just couldn’t control it, they were given a pass and allowed.
    This older guy had to use a pump to get hard and he pumped it up and walked around like that too. He was reprimanded immediately and told to cease and desist.
    But I am commenting to talk about the secretions. My friend told me it was a rule that you had to sit on a towel.
    My brother in law used to go to some place called Roselawn or something like that for the nude beauty pageant. At a family birthday party he broke out his photos. It was very clumsy and awkward as little kids were running around playing with birthday presents. God damn, some people are just CRUDE.

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  45. JWfromNJ said on February 15, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    LEX – John beat me to it as I was actually working and not reading stuff like this on the interwebs…

    The Indian Runner

    There’s a lot of old Springsteen that could be mined for film ideas … Johnny 99, about the closing of the Ford Plant in Mahwah and the devastation it had on the people in the surrounding communities, including the Ramapough Tribe better known as the Jackson Whites. A different story about that plant and how it forever damaged those people was told in the HBO Documentary Film Mann V. Ford which dealt with the toxic waste dumping in that area.

    The River had movie potential also, altough that one snippet of lyrics summed it up, and I always felt Highway Patrolman was close kin to Mister State Trooper which captures the bleak emptiness of the industrial stretch of the NJ Turnpike at night that so many people think IS all my home state holds.

    Mansion on the Hill and Used Cars are both pretty poignint also and would fit into a soundtrack.

    I know he’s not one of NN’s favorites but at times his lyrics do show he get’s it, even if he flies off to his beachfront mansion in Rumson in his G-V after a show. Here’s one that made the Obama 2012 campaign playlist with his permission, as opposed to when Ronnie totally missed the meaning of “Born in the USA.”


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  46. caliban said on February 15, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    Full swing? Damn you DellaDash.

    Brandon, another anagram is Loaner C*nt. A loner C*nt.

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  47. MichaelG said on February 15, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    Bitter, not really. We were all a lot younger and looser in those days. This was like ’71 or ’72. I don’t recall it being a problem.

    You guys are killing me. I can’t follow any of those links here at the office.

    So the Chinese can make a fair fake F-150. How are they at fake boobs?

    Roselawn sounds like a cemetery, Dexter.

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  48. basset said on February 15, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    Never could stand to listen to Springsteen long enough to absorb his lyrics, although those above don’t look bad written out. Still too New Jersey for me, don’t understand what so many see in him. Bob Seger or Robert Earl Keen, now, that’s more like it.

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  49. caliban said on February 15, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    Robert Earl Keen’s greatest song, live. Now there’s an accomplished story song.

    Bob Dylan’s probably written more great story songs than anybody, like Tangled Up in Blue. (For those that can’st stand Dylan’s singing, this is a cover by a very pretty woman with a great voice.)

    Georgia University System requires passing a Georgia history and Constitution exam for graduation, and there is a course available for credit. The Constitution is a joke. It’s been amended several hundred times, to the point where the state spent the money to rewrite the damn thing as amended. Anyway my ex and I took the course together, only to find our instructor was a Korean grad student with limited command of the English language. He could easily be steered into tangents that were always based on intense, angry, and hilarious screeds about the Japanese, invariably ending up with his explanation of how the Japanese were “Monkey People, they copy everything.” Given history from 1930 through WWII, Korean enmity for Japan and its people is quite understandable, but the F-150 clone really reminded me of this character.

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  50. Kim said on February 15, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    I guess we’ll know what’s real and what’s not when Kate Upton reaches her post-childbearing years and her perky pair turns into 36 Longs (or not).

    John (not McCain) @ 34: From my experience, all birth scenes are graphic. ‘Tis the nature of the ship-gotta-come-outta-the-bottle thing.

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  51. Joe K said on February 15, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    There indeed use to be or may still be a nudist resort at Roselawn. they actually had a airport and people use to skydive there. I always wondered if they whistled in free fall. Unfortunately Roselawn was where the airliner went straight in on Holoween night a few years back. They were holding and iced up stalled rolled over and went straight down.
    Pilot Joe

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  52. caliban said on February 15, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts. Another amazing story song by Dylan, covered by Joan Baez (for Dylanphobes). Compares to the original as her cover of The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down compares to the Band’s version, inferior IMO.

    Desolation Row is a story, in the hallucinogenic style of Henry Miller or William Burroughs:


    (Cover by Chris Smither)

    “Whistled in freefall”; is that like smoking in be Joe?

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  53. Bitter Scribe said on February 15, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    basset: Ditto. I feel a little guilty saying this because Springsteen is supposed to be a quality human being, but I never got his music.

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  54. Little Bird said on February 15, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    For what it’s worth I’m voting fake for Miss Uptons ta-tas. Granted she is still quite young and in that gravity defying time of her life. It’s the cover photo that cinches it for me, there’s just something about them.

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  55. MarkH said on February 15, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    basset and Bitter Scribe: ditto ditto. Springsteen is an acquired taste for me and I do like some of his stuff (not just the hits) and have yet to see him live. I’m sure it’s a boffo show, but I don’t get the rabid fandom either.

    Having said that, those lyrics posted by Jeff B. above are haunting by themselves. That sort of situation always terrified me and I feel fortunate to have lived the vast majority of my 60 years on my own terms.

    EDIT – Robert Earl Keen: YES, most definitely! Road Goes On Forever is the definitive Keen song. I saw him live here in Jackson last summer at a way too small venue. The place was packed. He has one terrific lead guitar player in Rich Brotherton. Excellent.

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  56. beb said on February 15, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    After waking the Kate Upton slow motion video I’m feeling a little soiled but have to vote for real. Plastic boobs don’t move. Period.

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  57. Little Bird said on February 15, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    If we could see Miss Upton in water, deep enough water, we could judge better. Fake ones don’t float as well as real ones. Contrary to popular rumor.

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  58. caliban said on February 15, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    Right, Little Bird, human adipose tissue floats better than just about anything but balsa and cork.

    Utimate literary Springsteen story song. Better than Jungleland, besides the latter’s sax solos.

    This is pretty much a 3-1/2 minute cinematic version of The Naked City. Or a Twilight Zone episode. Great horn playing.

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  59. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on February 15, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    Of course, there is post-shoot faking. No surgery needed in Photoshop Plus. So you all could be right. She’s still on warranty, but an artifical rise & rotundity could have been implanted pixelishly.

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  60. DellaDash said on February 15, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    Kate’s uptons look real to me, though I wouldn’t place any bets on my opinion. She’s certainly glorying in her own pulchritude, isn’t she? More power to her! Fingers feebly crossed that she’s not headed for a Marilyn/Anna Nicole flame-out in spite of most of the heady ingredients already bubbling in the pot.

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  61. Deborah said on February 15, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    I agree Della, Miss Upton looks positively ebullient, especially in the Dougie video that started it all.

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  62. Dexter said on February 15, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    Ah well…Bruce is taking a beating here today. I became a big fan in 1975 and that’s 37 years ago. I have been to just four shows but I have never been moved like I was at all four of those shows.
    I can even pinpoint the few minutes when Bruce had me stirred up into the true meaning of what rock and roll is supposed to mean. It was in the Pontiac Silverdome in 1985. The stage had wings, of course, and Bruce started in with “Cadillac Ranch”. For about half the song it seemed, Bruce ran out to the end of the stage wing -stood about ten feet from my seat and just belted out that song.
    Now I have been listening to records all my life, been to concerts many times, been so close that Joe Walsh dripped sweat on my girlfriend one night in Fort Wayne (from the stage, I mean!) but in Pontiac that night I saw the light, I was in the song somehow, it was beautiful. The only thing like that that ever happened to me was during the nights we went to see Crosby , Stills, and Nash many times in the 1970s.David Crosby, yeah, his vocals could reel your soul in if you weren’t already jaded and soulless.
    Outside of youthful worship of the Stones and The Beatles, the only guy who could corral my attention into a near-zombie like attention, and one that I never saw perform, was the late Joe Strummer. The only female entertainer who can mesmerize me like that is Diana Krall.

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  63. DellaDash said on February 15, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    I’m with you, Dex…

    …Bruce carved out a place in my heart because he gathered up all my youthful chaotic yearning and let me know that, even if I hadn’t found a soulmate to whisper seductively in my ear, ‘Baby, we were born to run’…he and Clarence Clemons (RIP) would soundtrack my solo odysseys.

    …Crosby, Stills and Nash…as a boomer it almost goes without sayin…

    It was a minor crime that Diana Krall tickled a few keys at the Grammies the other night, but wasn’t the one chosen to pair up with Tony Bennett and therefore in a position to prevent the played-out, crash-and-burn duet he performed with a tinny-sounding Carrie Underwood, who was entirely out of her wheelhouse.

    Now, I’m gonna have to check out Joe Strummer…figure I’m in store for a treat.

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  64. Sherri said on February 15, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    My vote is that Ms. Upton is surgically and/or digitally enhanced, because the size of those boobs don’t match the size of the rest of her body. If you actually pick up the magazine (I’m a subscriber), you’ll see three pictures in the middle of magazine of non-models: Alex Morgan (US soccer team), Natalie Gulbis (golfer), and Natalie Coughlin (swimmer) in body paint. These women have very nice athletic bodies, and their boob size is more proportional to their butt size.

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  65. caliban said on February 15, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    Road Goes on Forever, the Story Never Ends, lyrics:


    Incident on 57th Street lyrics:

    http://www.springsteenlyrics.com/lyrics/i/incidenton57thstreet.php lyrics

    This is pretty much an operatic libretto.

    I’m with Dexter on the subject of the Boss. I’ve seen literally 100s of live shows (many by the Stones, the Dead, Allmans, Procul Harum, Warren Zevon. Best for sure, EStreet Band, followed closely by the Davies Bros. and the Kinks. I first saw Bruce at the Stone Pony Club on the Jersey Shore, and I was mesmerized by Spirits in the Night. Unique to my experience then, and to this day. I’m sure the verbal onslaught a la Bob Dylan snagged me first, but E Street was always a band of musical virtuosos. Only other first impression of that sort I ever had was seeing Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers at the Paradise in Boston. Halfway through the show, they did Breakdown, which was stunning in it’s originality, and Mike Cambell went wireless prowling into the crowd. Women went berserk (a very sexy song and a handsome guitar player). Half of the 10 best live shows I’ve seen were by Bruce and EStreet Band. And Dexter’s right about Mrs. Elvis Costello. Parents of twins. What an odd couple, like Lou Reed and Laurie Anderson.

    And Cadillac Ranch is an astounding rocker.

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  66. caliban said on February 15, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    Sherri, I’ve often wondered how Gulbis keeps her swing grooved. Those are sort of Grand Tetons for a golfer.


    And if SI is found to have photoshopped the Swimsuit issue, the howls from kid subscribers’ moms should be more entertaining than ever. I always enjoyed the followup letters sections as much as the “pictorial” (Hugh Hefner’s contribution to modern American English) edition. High dudgeon does not begin to describe the wrath of moms exposed to softcore.

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  67. nancy said on February 15, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    I vote for Real.

    As for Bruce, I think “We Take Care of Our Own” should be the Obama campaign song, and that will be that.

    Thanks for keeping the conversation going on what’s been a long, scattered day.

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  68. Sherri said on February 15, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    More on boobs, but NSFW: Playboy’s Evolution of the Boob – http://www.playboy.com/girls/landingpages/evolution-of-the-boob/

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  69. caliban said on February 15, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    Anita Ekberg predated practical applications of breast enhancements. Bodacious.

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  70. Deborah said on February 15, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    Sherri, that boob link was a hoot. Those 60s torpedoes, OMG.

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  71. MarkH said on February 15, 2012 at 8:33 pm

    Caliban, I always thought the same thing about Nancy Lopez. In fact thought Gulbis had nothing on her. But this is the best shot I could find as proof:


    And yes to Anita. But, I watched Boy on a Dolphin the other night. No one has anything on a young Sophia:


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  72. MarkH said on February 15, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    Oh, and Nancy, two exceptions to your diss of AMC as a purveyor performance cars, the AMC AMX and the AMC SC/Rambler, both from the late ’60s:



    The AMX in particular is fighting its way out of cult car status into true collectibility.

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  73. Connie said on February 15, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    Sherri’s link clearly shows the most obvious difference between real and fake. Real ones are ski slopes on top. If they are round on top they are likely fake.

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  74. basset said on February 15, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    “The Road Goes On…” was exactly the Robert Earl Keen song I had in mind. Got to watch him write, or at least work on, “Lynnville Train” a few years ago, quite an experience.

    We did a piece on the SC/Rambler when I worked on a cable-tv muscle car show a few years back – any car we featured had to be able to do a burnout (extended demonstration of spinning the back tires with engine power, the more smoke and noise the better) so we took it out in the country and got set up. This was a car that weighed about the same as a modern Honda Civic – I checked – and the motor was a V8 slightly larger than one you’d find in a Suburban or full-size Chevy pickup, and hotted up some on top of that.

    The owner got out of the car with a jar of black sand and a big tube of personal lubricant, not even KY but an off brand. He coated the tires with it, poured the sand on top to form a crust, rolled the car back and forth a little so the tires are covered all the way around, climbed back in, wound the engine up and dropped the clutch. Quite a show, wheels going a hundred miles an hour, car not moving an inch till the tires burned through the coating and finally got a grip.

    That show was one of two jobs I’ve ever had where I knew going in it was going to be bad and hung on as long as I could just for the paycheck; I think I lasted six or seven months.

    The other was working at a tv station housed in half of an abandoned Kroger store, no graphics, no prompter, no audio monitors in your ear, three full-time people in the newsroom and the anchors came in from their jobs as car salesmen and housewives to read the scripts we wrote for them, only one edit bay in the whole place and production had it till four-thirty, don’t get me started.

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  75. Bitter Scribe said on February 15, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    Didn’t Tyra Banks get so fed up with speculation on whether hers were real that she offered to take an MRI or something live on air? (Don’t know if she followed through.)

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  76. Dexter said on February 15, 2012 at 10:15 pm


    Della Dash…here’s a mural my Facebook friend Earl photographed the other day in New York City. Joe Strummer.

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  77. Deborah said on February 15, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    Basset, I have so been there, a job I knew going in it was going to be bad, completely different circumstances but I could barely make it six months before I quit. I knew my first full day that it would take all my discipline to slog it out for a year and I couldn’t even manage that.

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  78. Joe K said on February 15, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    Its so nice to know I am not the only Robert Earl King fan. I also like Ray Whyle Hubbard.
    Pilot Joe

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  79. DellaDash said on February 15, 2012 at 11:16 pm

    Level vibes, Dexter *bows down*…just finished mashing down the riddem in my swiveling desk chair to Strummer’s cover of ‘Pressure Drop’…that was after watching a youtube video of the above-linked too-cool mural being made to the tune of an irie ‘Redemption Song’. Then a taste of ‘Johnny Appleseed’ sweet me, yu see mon. I would’ve never strayed over that way on my own. Give thanks.

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  80. MichaelG said on February 15, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    MarkH you’re close but here is the acme of AMC performance for my money:


    AMC also had some success at the drags but that was never my bag.

    I’m teetering on La Upton’s assets. The slo-mo indicates real but the cover pic is tough to get past. I actually kinda liked her walking (if it can be so described) away. Did someone say she was nineteen? I’m way more than three times her age. I’m going to hell.

    I know it sounds self serving because of the age thing but I honestly think Monica Bellucci is a better looking woman. Shit. Kate’s cute. Monica’s a goddess.

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  81. MarkH said on February 16, 2012 at 2:57 am

    Of course, MichaelG, a full-on race car would be the acme of any model’s performance, but I was concentrating on the zenith of their street muscle. Which to me was the AMX. But to be fair, the Trans-Am Javelin did spawn street look-alikes in low numbers, 2500, to meet hologation requirements for SCCA Trans-Am. Also, te AMX was entirely an AMC effort. The Javelin in any form after ’70 would not have faired nearly as well without the genius engineering efforts of Roger Penske and Mark Donohue. This went a long way to make up for the low dollar budget they had from AMC. I was fortunate enough to see many of these races in ’69-’72. Maybe more competitive than even the Can-Am in those days with great efforts from multiple Ford, Chevy and MOPAR teams.

    Oh, and Joe K. – you are the only Robert Earl King fan. 🙂

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  82. Lex said on February 17, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    John (not McCain): I had *no idea.* Thanks for the tip!

    Jeff Borden: Yes, “The River” (song and album) were great and chilling and have stayed with me lo, these many decades. But for sheer economy in drawing protagonist, antagonist and the beginning of the arc of their conflict (those last two get set up in a single line), I’ve gotta go with “Highway Patrolman.” 🙂

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