Up early, made Kate her lunch, packed her off, did a little this ‘n’ that, showered, headed to Ann Arbor, did radio, headed to Lansing, did lunch, did this ‘n’ that, took some pictures at the Capitol for a thing. Here’s one:


I like symmetrical things with some asymmetry sprinkled in. Don’t know why.

Then I did some more this ‘n’ that. Drove home. Cycled to the market for some lettuce ‘n’ crap. Made dinner — pasta with white beans, rosemary and onion; green salad (the lettuce), tomato/mozzarella salad.

Now it’s 9:35 and what I’m asking is, WHERE IS MY MEDAL? For the this ‘n’ that, at least. And the dinner, which was pretty good.

Somewhere along the way, my other eye — the good one — started acting weird, so tomorrow promises to be even more exciting, because I get to see the doctor! Again! With the specialist co-pay! But of course we must now say I’m so lucky I have health insurance, because I am.

Remember: If I’m blind, I’m going to feel everyone’s face. So I know you’re smiling.

Is there any bloggage? Just one: Ten types of shitty coworkers and how not to murder them. I’ve been them all, I think.

Let’s hope for a fabulous Tuesday.

Posted at 12:20 am in Same ol' same ol' |

68 responses to “Moanday.”

  1. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on April 30, 2013 at 12:48 am

    Here ya go!

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  2. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on April 30, 2013 at 12:49 am

    (And I believe prayers to Santa Lucia are in order for you, proprietress; light and life and vision for the journey to you.)

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  3. Dexter said on April 30, 2013 at 1:00 am

    n said “I like symmetrical things with some asymmetry sprinkled in.”

    If you were a baseball nut, you’d like the new St. Louis ballpark then. While most of the new and newer parks were built in disdain of the 1960s cookie cutter multi-purpose stadii, and incorporated different height walls and even some nooks and crannies into which a batted baseball might ricochet around in, the St. Louis people decided to go with basic symmetry. Odd timing, this blog topic as well as the Cincinnati Redlegs’ TV crew did an in-broadcast featurette on this very topic last night from St. Louis. (Reds won..yes!)

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  4. Dexter said on April 30, 2013 at 1:42 am

    YouTube pulled the Boston/Cambridge street interview , so if you missed it, here ya go:

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  5. crazycatlady said on April 30, 2013 at 2:15 am

    I live close to your hood. Can I cook you some meals while you are laid up? Beb never complains about my cooking. He’s eaten my cooking for more than 34 years and lives to tell the tale.

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  6. 4dbirds said on April 30, 2013 at 7:24 am

    The vegan drives me crazy. She gives me the stink-eye when I drink my diet coke. The candy guy is a contractor and because of sequestration is gone next week. I feel bad for him, but I won’t be jonesing everyday.

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  7. alex said on April 30, 2013 at 7:52 am

    We have a candy lady, but as I don’t have a sweet tooth I don’t have any issues with her.

    Wish we had a poop shamer—someone to give some stink eye to the one guy who doesn’t wash his hands after he takes a dump. Yeah, he’s reaching into your bowl, candy lady, and blowing his Hershey’s kisses to the whole office.

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  8. beb said on April 30, 2013 at 7:59 am

    Makes me glad I don’t work in an office. Of course I’m the grumpf no one wants to talk to because, you know – grumpf.

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  9. coozledad said on April 30, 2013 at 8:23 am

    I’m surprised she didn’t mention the office fundamentalist(s). Yeah, bud. We’re all going to hell and you’ll be safe in the arms of your redeemer. How sweet. That must be particularly comforting to you, because when Palmer waltzes through security with his .45 there’s no way in hell you’ll hear him over your goddamned gospel radio.

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  10. Scout said on April 30, 2013 at 9:00 am

    My coworkers only think I’m the disapproving vegetarian. I really don’t give a shit what they eat and never say anything. That they feel compelled to wave their quarter pounder heart attack happy meals in my face says more about their issues with food than mine.

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  11. brian stouder said on April 30, 2013 at 9:21 am

    I would add to the list the office jihadist sleeper-cell. This is the person who always, always has some ridiculous point to prove, against the other side of the office. And it’s all done with a delusional “yes, I know it ALL” smile; and the person never seems to comprehend that they’re not fooling anyone, nor what the consequences to themselves will be, when the Warren Zevon moment happens.

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  12. Julie Robinson said on April 30, 2013 at 9:24 am

    Boy howdy would I like to expound on some co-workers, but I’ve hoisted my own petard by commenting under my real name. But I’ve worked with them all, and as Nance says, sometimes I’ve been one of them myself.

    Anyone else have trouble with Jeff’s link?

    Brian, The Warmth of Other Suns is next in my reading queue. Hope I like it half as much as you!

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  13. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on April 30, 2013 at 9:28 am

    Did it not open? I just fished up a link to a photo of guys with lots of medals; it was North Korea or Idi Amin, and I went with the more recent medal-bedecked crew.

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  14. brian stouder said on April 30, 2013 at 9:37 am

    Julie – watch out for Ida Mae; she’ll get into your heart, and become family by the time get to the back of the book.

    And I’ll just say – there’s a sherriff in Florida (somewhere in the middle of the book) that hurt my opinion of that whole state

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  15. Jim Neill said on April 30, 2013 at 9:40 am

    I get this message when trying to access Jeff’s link:

    You don’t have permission to access “” on this server.
    Reference #24.57e64217.1367329138.16a0622b

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  16. LAMary said on April 30, 2013 at 9:46 am

    Ditto on the office fundie, Coozledad. I’ve got one sitting eight feet away from me. My son had one of his own at his office but the guy finally got fired, probably for driving everyone crazy with his religious rants.

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  17. Jeff Borden said on April 30, 2013 at 10:01 am

    I don’t think I ever came across an office fundie, but most of my time was spent in newspaper offices, so perhaps that’s to be expected since reporters are largely heathens. Whenever anyone starts talking about their religion, I find an excuse to vamoose. My current spiritual state –agnostic heavily bordering on outright atheism with every passing year– renders this a non-starter.

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  18. jcburns said on April 30, 2013 at 10:02 am

    Jeff’s image worked for me. Nancy, that is some medal-winning photography. However, that rotunda needs more flags, not patriotic enough.

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  19. Julie Robinson said on April 30, 2013 at 10:04 am

    Same thing, Jim. I thought it might be all the security and anti-ad software extensions I’m using.

    Brian, I’ve got it on CD’s, and there are 19 of them! Fortunately I’ve got a couple of sewing projects that only need half a brain; here’s hoping the other half is enough to keep track of the characters over that long a time.

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  20. brian stouder said on April 30, 2013 at 10:14 am

    Really just three main ones:

    Robert from Monroe, Louisiana, who goes west to California(!) – he’s larger than life;

    George, who goes northeast to New York City from pre-WDW mid-state Florida, maybe a step or two ahead of being lynched;

    and Ida Mae, who goes north to Chicago from Mississippi, and makes that town her own.

    The book is simply marvelous

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  21. Michael said on April 30, 2013 at 10:17 am


    You have so many talented writers among your readers.

    I think you should assign guest bloggers to fill this space while you are recovering from your surgery.

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  22. Heather said on April 30, 2013 at 10:19 am

    I’m getting tired of the ultra-germaphobes in our office. Yes, by all means, it’s important to wash your hands, sneeze into your elbow, and stay home if you’re sick. But don’t shame me in front of the entire office when I accidentally touch the edge of a giant pastry while trying to cut a slice and then come over to show me how to do it correctly. I will cough on your keyboard while you are away from your desk.

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  23. nancy said on April 30, 2013 at 10:24 am

    There was a guy in Columbus who was a total germophobe. The obit guy. He sprayed his desk and phone with Lysol before starting work. I’m sort of amazed how what seemed like lunacy in 1980 is now pretty standard. I believe in hand-washing and general common-sense measures, but the constant use of hand sanitizer, etc., strikes me as borderline nutty.

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  24. Judybusy said on April 30, 2013 at 10:30 am

    Julie, you are in for an eye-opening time. Brian’s summary will help quite a bit, so I think listening to it will be fine.

    I’m listening to Mandell’s Wolf Hall. The reader is fantastic: the voice he gives to Cardinal Wolsey is always sneering, scheming, rotten. I”d say it’s not the best book to listen to, though, because I am sure I’m missing some of the quality of the writing and subtlety of the characters. It’s my first Mandell and I already love her unique voice.

    In my work history, my least favorite has always been the whiners, who complain about everything. There are a couple people on my current team who are always complaining about the workload. It’s too bad, because otherwise, they are very smart and enjoyable people. I find the workload the easiest I’ve ever had, but I can work very quickly and I think these two are very methodical, so it takes them ages to do a case. I’ve tried to talk to them, but they cling very tightly to their notion of “It’s unsustainably busy!” I have decided I need to let go of wanting to change them and focus on their amazing clinical skills and likeability. We also have a candy lady, but she’s very pleasant and fun to talk to.

    Our biggest problem is a guy located in the middle of us, who isn’t part of our team. Super annoying personal phone calls, lots of coughing/hacking and paper-tapping. That man takes about 5 minutes to square a sheaf of papers, with a 1-2-3, 1-2-3 rhythym with the stress on the 1. We know waaaay more about his personal finances that we need to!

    Nancy, I hope there is only good news from your appointment with the eye doc!

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  25. Dorothy said on April 30, 2013 at 10:32 am

    I loathe hand sanitizer. I used it once maybe 5 years ago and refuse to again. Good ol’ soap and water is fine by me.

    We have an office “whistler”. She drives me crazy. She also has a very loud, single note scream of a laugh that sends me over the moon. I can’t tell if anyone else here finds her annoying – she’s worked here for more than 25 years so I daren’t speak up. So I suffer in silence. But much worse than the whistling and screaming laugh was a woman who sat next to me at my job in Cincinnati. She cracked her gum. Loudly and frequently. Of that I did complain – and she gave me the stink eye and underhanded, nasty treatment forever after. I was so glad to give my notice at that job when we moved away to South Carolina. I loved my boss, but that woman made my work hours miserable.

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  26. adrianne said on April 30, 2013 at 10:40 am

    I chuckled knowingly after reading the 10 office workers who are going to hell. Have worked with all of them.

    BTW – speaking of crazy bosses – apparently mine has banned any feature stories on a certain female lacrosse player because of her surname. Cocks. As in – the last headline she ever appeared in – “Cocks speaks softly and carries a big stick.”

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  27. Dave said on April 30, 2013 at 10:44 am

    I was never an office worker but Nancy made me think of the man I did work with who carried Lysol and sprayed down everything he touched, this was in the the 1970’s. At the same time, he was a heavy smoker and the smoking got him, emphysema and the long decline.

    My wife carries small bottles of hand sanitizer in her purse. She really has a thing about restaurant menus and always uses the sanitizer after she’s finished with the menu. I use it, too, mostly to please her, but I understand that menus might be germ infested.

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  28. Dave said on April 30, 2013 at 10:46 am

    And, if we had an edit (sorry, I still miss it), I would return to my above comments and say that Jeff’s link didn’t work for me, either.

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  29. alex said on April 30, 2013 at 10:48 am

    Jeff’s link didn’t work for me either, but when I copied and pasted the URL it did work.

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  30. brian stouder said on April 30, 2013 at 10:50 am

    I think Adrianne just won the thread!

    Judybusy – you reminded me of our office tap dancer!

    We have those hard plastic sheets for your chair to sit on, and when he’s on the phone his feet will go buDUPbuDUPbuDUP and than DUPDUPDUPDUPbupbupDUPDUPDUPDUPbupbup

    etc etc

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  31. Julie Robinson said on April 30, 2013 at 10:52 am

    Did I mention that I’m the one that plays music? My office is in a groaty basement and I’m pretty much on my own. Sometimes another gal will be in there working, and every time I offer to use my headphones she assures me it’s okay. Since this is a church, I play hymns and classical pieces, nothing controversial. Trust me, if you saw this office, you would know why I need music to ignore the fugliness.

    Judybusy, the same narrator voices the second book too, Bring Up the Bodies, and I agree, he’s great at haughty and sneering. I also listened to a book narrated by Dan Stevens of Downton Abbey fame, and sometimes I was so carried away by his mellifluous voice I forgot to pay attention to the plot.

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  32. MarkH said on April 30, 2013 at 11:21 am

    One type left out of that top ten list is the office demagogue. They may or may not be the only person with their responsibility, but they always play the indispensibility card depending on how crucial their work is. I have one here, and while this person is highly competent, she is not anyone’s supervisor. If she does not take a liking to you (which is most people in our department), you can be thrown under the bus any time for the slightest easily correctible mistake. We were under th impression that a recent hip replacement and resultant massive pain relief would cure the attitude problems. For a while yes, but…

    We have a fundie her as well, though not of the LAMary variety. Very nice person who keeps to herself until she finds out that you are as well. The tends to not leave you alone.

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  33. coozledad said on April 30, 2013 at 11:22 am

    I’m watching Obama’s press conference. Goddamn we have a sadass excuse for a White House Press Corps. These are the same fucks who polished Bushy’s knob for eight years, and now they’re indistinguishable from Breitbart and Alex Jones.
    First question out of the gate from the execrable Ed Henry? BEN-GHAZZI!!!!
    Fuck these people. They’re fucking up the country. Third raters in everything but sucking money dick.

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  34. Deborah said on April 30, 2013 at 11:32 am

    I’m sitting on a bench in Lincoln Park on a beautiful spring day thanking my lucky stars that I don’t have to be in an office anymore surrounded by those types you all have been hilariously describing.

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  35. Jolene said on April 30, 2013 at 11:44 am

    I haven’t listened to lots of audiobooks, but whenever the subject comes up I always recommend Lolita, as read by Jeremy Irons. Just delicious.

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  36. Peter said on April 30, 2013 at 11:51 am

    I’m ashamed to admit I’ve been one of those 10 guys in the past – I just had to xerox and hand out Life In Hell or Lynda Barry back in the day – but they were so freaking funny!

    I worked at one firm where the office manager would play country music in the morning, and every morning around 8:45 that station would play the national anthem, and the rest of us would stand and sign it out of tune. He never got the hint.

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  37. Peter said on April 30, 2013 at 11:53 am

    OOPS make that sing instead of sign – although that would have been great for the hearing impaired!

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  38. Bitter Scribe said on April 30, 2013 at 11:55 am

    Dorothy @25: You need an Alice.

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  39. LAMary said on April 30, 2013 at 12:02 pm

    My office fundie is of the smug variety. She KNOWS she is right about everything. The one in my son’s office was of the paranoid variety. He thought everyone hated him because he was a Christian because everyone knows there is a war on Christianity.

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  40. coozledad said on April 30, 2013 at 12:43 pm

    The most obnoxious fundie I had to work with was an Rural Carrier out of Oxford, NC who was constantly singing in that curious gospel head voice that’s the auditory footprint of a raft of recessive traits. The first time I heard that species of singing outside of the South, I knew the country was fucked (although to be fair, it was Lancaster, PA, where ‘getting some strange’ means climbing a second cousin).

    When Zappa died, Rolling Stone put him on the cover wearing some goofy eyeball glasses.

    A couple of the cousinboffers at the shop called me Pink Floyd (because I wore a faded red T-shirt to work one day). The fundie, who’s supposed to be casing the mail, not reading it, turns around and asks me “You know this guy Pink Floyd? he looks like one of your kind.”

    I waited half a beat and broke into song. “Give me your dirty love. The way your mama make that nasty poodle do. C’mon Frenchy, snap it!”

    The city clerks liked it.

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  41. Prospero said on April 30, 2013 at 12:45 pm

    Dexter@3: How ’bout Minute Maid Park in Houston where the Astros do a fair imitation of the Bad News Bears in the first hour of the movie? Horizontally asymmetrical, with a 30 degree slope in the outfield, topped with a flagpole that is in play:

    This ballpark also has a replica 19th Century steam locomotive that runs on 800 ft. of track.

    Sadly, the train is not in play. The Park was built on the site of Houston’s historic Union Station, and I believe the stations facade was incorporated into the design of the new ballpark. The architect was Hellmuth Obata Kassabaum. Another HOK project was the BP Building in Cleveland that David Foster Wallace featured prominently in the truly whack novel The Broom of the System. The book has characters named Candy Mandible and Judith Prietht, and a parrot named Vlad the Impaler, and the bulk of the plot involves a search for nursing home escapees in the Great Ohio Desert.

    Jeremy Irons is lascivious enough to be the second coming of James Mason, who played Professor Humbert in the original Stanley Kubrick Lolita. Irons played Humbert Humbert in a late 90s remake directed by Adrian Lyne, which I’ve never seen, because Sue Lyon is Lolita, and that’s final. I got in big trouble with the nuns around 7th grade for having a copy of Lolita, and one of Terry Southern’s Candy. Jeremy Irons always reminds me of the great line from Reversal of Fortune. One of his lawyers tells Claus (Irons) “you’re a very strange man.” Claus responds, deadpan “You have no idea.”

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  42. Prospero said on April 30, 2013 at 12:48 pm

    During the Claus von Bulow trial, the tabloid Boston Herald ran it’s alltime greatest head:

    “Sunny’s Kids: Claus is a Louse”

    Oro puro.

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  43. LAMary said on April 30, 2013 at 1:30 pm

    “…poodle bites. Poodle chews it.”

    I used to use the same album to repel one person in particular during the year I lived in a dorm.

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  44. Dexter said on April 30, 2013 at 1:38 pm

    prospero, HOK had contracts to build many of the new ballparks starting twenty-some years back. I guess Baltimore Orioles Park at Camden Yards is most renown.

    adrianne, I had a co-worker with whom I discussed politics with daily, as we were both on the same page. For example, we both subscribed to The Nation magazine, and our favorite columnist was the late Alexander Cockburn.
    I never corrected him when he always said “COCK-burn”. Of course it was pronounced correctly as “COE-burn”. I let it go.

    Some hot-shot sports blogger wants to interview me for a feature about my two summers on the barnstorming baseball team I toured with 45 years ago. No gratuity, just for fun. Bah,humbug.

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  45. annie said on April 30, 2013 at 1:44 pm

    My fundie co-worker story: When I first came to the office, she and I bonded over a similar circumstance in our personal lives and she began telling me how Jesus had helped her, how he could help me too, and I should come to her church. After letting her know I had no interest, she began leaving religious tracts on my desk. When I told her to stop, she said her god was powerful and she knew that even if I threw away the pamphlets 500 times, the 501st time something in me would respond. By this time we were barely speaking and I began thinking of ways to get back at her–leaving devil worship literature on her desk, etc. Fortunately (or unfortunately) I left that company before I could begin.

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  46. Prospero said on April 30, 2013 at 1:51 pm

    Days late and $millions short, lady. Try sackcloth, ashes and self-flagellation.

    And what about the coworker that gives you reviews of Long Dong Silver and leaves you cans of Coke topped with pubic hairs?

    Back in the 80s, HOK was best known for massive, opulent shopping malls.

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  47. adrianne said on April 30, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    Speaking of Cocks: a local town supervisor in these parts went by the name Susan Cockburn, and she didn’t pronounce it the British way. It’s COCK-burn, dammit!

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  48. Deborah said on April 30, 2013 at 2:44 pm

    Dexter, you mentioned my former employer when I lived in St. Louis, it’s where I met my husband, and he worked for the branch that designed sport facilities towards the end of his 23 years there, he only designed one stadium but many convention centers. I worked there for 18 years. The group that designed sports facilities broke off from the company in the last few years and started their own company. And yes Camden yards is the most renowned, it started the nostalgic return to the historical look for ballparks.

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  49. Prospero said on April 30, 2013 at 3:13 pm

    Mariachi versions of pop songs. Welcome to the Jungle is superior to the G&R original, and anybody that goofs on the self-absorbed jerk Roger Waters is fine by me. I always wanted one of those bigass guitarons. And the guy that plays the trumpet on Beat It is terrific.

    Senator Ayotte has a serious “appearance of impropriety” . The extreme proximity in time to her stabbing her constituents in their collective back and reaping the payoff from gun Nuts iRrationAl is unseemly, and if there is no ethics investigation, the Senate has a major malfunction Private Pyle.

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  50. brian stouder said on April 30, 2013 at 3:21 pm

    Speaking of rock, here’s a Charlie Brown-style news story, on Fort Wayne’s channel 15 website:

    an excerpt:

    A worker from the Fort Wayne Street Department arrived to help get the rock to safety and out of the way of drivers. The rock was spared a drop to the bottom of the St. Mary’s River. Instead, it was pushed with the liftgate of the street worker’s truck off to the side of the road.

    Perhaps a comforting home to watch daily commuters up and down Illinois Road or greet customers at the Meijer store.

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  51. Jolene said on April 30, 2013 at 3:37 pm

    Prospero, you used the mariachi link for the paragraph re Ayotte. Want to try again?

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  52. Prospero said on April 30, 2013 at 4:09 pm

    Teabanger goes to the fair.

    Here’s the Kelly Ayotte link. I’m sure Scalito think this is covered by Citizen’s United, but this is corruption, a clear tit for tat:

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  53. MarkH said on April 30, 2013 at 4:39 pm

    In the hand sanitizer vs. soap debate, soap always wins. At least according to an NPR story from a couple of years back. One health expert pointed out how while sanitizer does help, it does not kill all the germs when applied. Better to use soap which is far more effective at actually removing 99% germs from your hands. Besides, if sanitizer was all that, wouldn’t surgeons just dip their hands in a vat of Purell as opposed to scrubbing for 15 minutes?

    Speaking of Jeremy Irons, CBS Sunday Morning had a good feature on his new campaign of trash awareness, somethng we could all use if you watch this and his new documentary.

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  54. MarkH said on April 30, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    Did you all know that NPR was ending “Talk of the Nation”? I’m not buying their line here. They said they reached their decision after consultation with NPR stations. It was on 407 stations, and their replacing it with Here and Now which is on only 182 stations. ??? I like Neal Conan and think he did a great job. Gone in July. RIP.

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  55. LAMary said on April 30, 2013 at 5:03 pm

    I heard the announcement about Talk of the Nation and I like Neal Conan too. It’s on here at night as well as live in the morning. I listen to the night broadcast while finishing the after dinner chores and getting ready for bed. I will forever associate that show with folding laundry.
    They’re taking Harry Shearer’s live show off the radio here too. It will still be online, but it sucks that KCRW didn’t think enough of it to keep it on the radio. I can’t listen to it online in the car.

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  56. David C. said on April 30, 2013 at 6:27 pm

    Fundie co-worker. A piece of cake. I worked at a fundie company. Bible study before work (did not participate), Dobson on the radio, company owner’s father in law always around singing under his breath “What a friend we have in Jeeeesuuuus”. All that religion and it sure was hell.

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  57. LAMary said on April 30, 2013 at 6:30 pm

    My fundie co-worker doesn’t sing old hymns. She sings the new pop-song sounding ones. Give me “Be Still My Soul” any day over the junk she sings in this slightly flat thin voice.

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  58. David C. said on April 30, 2013 at 6:36 pm

    My aunt calls them 7-11 hymns. The same 7 words repeated 11 times.

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  59. redoubt said on April 30, 2013 at 6:48 pm

    Tail end again, but–Mr. Stouder @14–the sheriff is Willis V. McCall, the, um, antagonist of the book Devil In The Grove, which I found myself unexpectedly reading during the Trayvon Martin saga.

    (I grew up nine blocks west of Ida Mae Gladney’s apartment building on Colfax. I described myself as the only Cub fan on the South Side.)

    I have two lay preacher’s wives, and one preacher’s widow, as coworkers. (We don’t exactly socialize.)

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  60. MichaelG said on April 30, 2013 at 7:00 pm

    God, Prospero. I hadn’t thought of ‘Candy’ for years. “Gimme your hump!”

    There’s a fundie where I work. It’s “Thank Jesus” this and “The Lord meant for that to be” and “Blessed be this” and on and on with little homilies here and there. However, she’s so sweet and so helpful that I can’t bring myself to be annoyed.

    No more “Talk of the Nation”, huh? That’s too bad. I’ve never heard of that other show.

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  61. coozledad said on April 30, 2013 at 7:02 pm

    I always thought this was the apotheosis of white southern gospel. Sweaty Elvis ascending to the hand of Go(tt)d.
    This captures all the eye-rolling crazy and in-your-face “you WILL have a pitchfork in your ass” sentiment at the heart of the Baptist death cult I was born into. Say what you will about Elvis, motherfucker not only brought the personality disorder ward crazy to this song, he brought it mounted on a piece of plywood bandsawed in the shape of praying hands, lacquered it, and hung it next to your bait refrigerator.

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  62. Deborah said on April 30, 2013 at 8:59 pm

    ” he brought it mounted on a piece of plywood bandsawed in the shape of praying hands, lacquered it, and hung it next to your bait refrigerator.”

    Oh Nancy, please let Coozledad be your guest blogger when you have your surgery and recovery?

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  63. Suzanne said on April 30, 2013 at 10:00 pm

    I’ve worked with every single one of those people plus one more–the spaz. She’d come in @ the last second or later and always exasperation seeping from every pore. Somebody had cut her off or drove too slow or the phone rang or…on and on. God forbid that her chair wasn’t in the same spot that she left it. “Who was a my desk!!!??” along with loud grousing the rest of the day. She once taped a sign to her chair when she left for the day telling all who could read to keep away from the chair. Germophobic, too, with a hand sanitizer strapped to her belt. Unbelievable.

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  64. brian stouder said on April 30, 2013 at 10:45 pm

    Strapped to her belt?

    OK – now THAT’S crazy!

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  65. MichaelG said on April 30, 2013 at 10:47 pm

    Oh, Cooz. I love your stuff. You should rename your blog “Cruisin’ with the Cooz”.

    Suzanne, you just reminded me of one. The guy in the cube next to me, whom I love dearly and with whom I had lunch today, goes nuts when somebody leaves his trash can in the wrong place. So once in a while, no more than every three or four months or so, either Conrad, the guy in the cube on the other side of Steve’s or I will relocate his trash can. Then we stand back and let Steve rave. He hasn’t twigged yet but he will one day. He’s a very bright guy.

    The woman on the other side of me is a trip as well. She’s a civil engineer by trade but is now a project director with the rest of us. One year in college she took her scholarship money and had her tits done. We were drinking in a bar near SFO when she told me that and neither of us could stop laughing. I guess you hadda been there.

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  66. MichaelG said on April 30, 2013 at 10:48 pm

    I think the above needs some comma management.

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  67. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on April 30, 2013 at 10:52 pm

    Oh, by the way, it’s the centennial of “In the Garden” this year. Released late in 1912, became a nationwide hit in 1913. Has an interesting story behind it, actually: in the 1910s, the balance was swinging solidly (per Brian et alia’s well-founded recommendations of “Warmth of Other Suns”) from rural to urban in America. People who had grown up in a farm and countryside environment were now in third-floor walk-ups and crowded together in cities with little green and much smoke and grit underfoot.

    “In the Garden,” an easy to mock song today, reads a little differently when you imagine how it sounded to urban factory workers longing for the market-garden out back and close, personal relationships in small towns, at least as those looked in childhood. Now, in a mostly park-less city environment, “In the Garden” gave a sense of peace and connection to country Christians now trying to figure out how to be urban and urbane city folk, far away from parents and grandparents and yes, even from cousins.

    It broke through in the sheet music category, which in 1913 was how you got a hit. Little recorded music for sale, so a “hit” was what sold enough 5 and 10 cent sheet music copies to sit on the parlor piano. I just did the memorial service for a 100 year old who had played piano and organ for church, school, theatrical, and community events for 92 years, starting when she was 8. Her favorite hymn, for this child of Sunday Creek and Greens Run down by Athens, OH who had moved to Newark and Hebron and Granville of more built-up Ohio when she married her sweetheart Chuck in 1935, was “In the Garden.” We opened and closed her memorial with the first and last verses; I just launched in “a capella”, and everyone joined in by the second line of each verse, whether they liked it or not.

    Tomorrow I’m doing a memorial for an elderly lady who wrote out her obituary in longhand, lovely flowing script, and left it where her daughter could find it if something happened, which did last Friday when she was out in her 1965 Cherry Red Chevy convertible. She died waiting for her lunch order with the car club heading out for a weekend’s cruise. Her written instructions require me to lead everyone in singing “How Great Thou Art” which I’m told she’d sing while driving with the top down through the Ohio hills.

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  68. Rana said on May 1, 2013 at 1:19 am

    The “nutritionists” were the ones that drove me nuts the most – eat a piece of cake, and they stare at you with huge eyes and make comments about how they wish they could get away with that; refuse to eat a piece of cake and they nag at you and act like you’re doing it to shame them. It gets old quickly.

    Regarding hand sanitizer, I used to roll my eyes at it until I moved to the big city and started riding public transit regularly. I am, alas, an inveterate face-toucher, and until I started hauling the sanitizer around, I was getting some rather nasty colds more often than I’d like. When I’m just out and about and not touching handrails and seats, though, I stick with good ol’ soap and water.

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