A friend of mine is making a short film and asked for my help. It’s some sort of steampunk-Western thing, so I went down to the basement to dig up my neglected riding gear and see what still might work.

The good news: I found my old chaps, and dammit, THEY FUCKING FIT. Sorry for the obscenity there, but it’s just when you have a garment that is zipped around your thighs, and you haven’t worn them in a decade, you have anxiety just looking at them. To strap on the belt — hey, it’s going to the old hole, whaddaya know? — and then reach down and bring them around to the zipper, fingers a-tremble? And then to find they fit, easily? That’s a good feeling.

The mildewy smell in the suede will be the next obstacle. I’d also like to maybe wear them on a horse again, but one obstacle at a time.

The other thing I found was this, rattling around loose in a box, yet another treasure from letters from my dear bff Deb.

We are a cruel people, journalists. Then again, sometimes those we are cruel to deserve it. Damn.

If you’d like a short list of what’s wrong with this story besides the dam/damn bit, let me lay it out for you:

** Don’t write the source’s name and lengthy title before whatever it is they’re saying. Information, then “said Smith.”

** Quotes should illuminate the information, not carry it. Especially when the quote repeats the information in the previous paragraph. Especially when it’s that boring.

** Actual drilling, as opposed to, what? Pretend drilling, I guess.

Back to work.

Posted at 12:30 am in Same ol' same ol' |

28 responses to “Scantastic.”

  1. adrianne said on September 3, 2014 at 12:52 am

    Damn, that’s good stuff on the dam.

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  2. Bill said on September 3, 2014 at 12:53 am

    Worst reporting about a dam site.

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  3. jcburns said on September 3, 2014 at 1:53 am

    Funny, I was just going through my big, big box of postcards.

    It’s a rich and somewhat mildew-y pile of treasures and great, belly-laugh-filled examples of pre-twitter-era concise humor, lovingly crafted by Nance, Deb, and a bunch of people youall do not know but I’m lucky to have called friends, or at least correspondents.

    Ask Nancy sometime about ‘THE WORLD’S ONLY SINGING DISCO POSTCARD.’ I hold it in my hand. Patents are pending.

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  4. brian stouder said on September 3, 2014 at 8:23 am

    When assembling the steampunk western outfit, don’t forget the dammed white blouse!

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  5. Connie said on September 3, 2014 at 8:32 am

    Pitcher Denny McClain does not like Mitch Albom.

    Back in the day I had Mcclain’s Sports illustrated cover pinned up on my bedroom wall.

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  6. Julie Robinson said on September 3, 2014 at 8:53 am

    Dam. Actually afraid to write anything, said Robinson.

    In other news, our daughter’s birthday is today. Raising her was the most fun ever.

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  7. Dave Jacque said on September 3, 2014 at 9:01 am

    Bill Harmon, legendary editor of the Daily Egyptian at Southern Illinois University, would circle mistakes with a red marker and add, “DAMN!” He’d tack the offending page to the newsroom bulletin board for all to see.

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  8. brian stouder said on September 3, 2014 at 9:14 am

    Julie – moms deserve the cake on the birthday of their young folks.

    And indeed, you got a beautiful September day in the deal, too

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  9. Judybusy said on September 3, 2014 at 10:41 am

    Congrats on fitting into the old clothes! Very satisfying and the obscenity wa entirely appropriate!

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  10. Dexter said on September 3, 2014 at 1:06 pm

    Isn’t the usage of “actual drilling” necessary to differentiate from core drilling?
    When I first began blogging, people would criticize me for not identifying sources in the text, saying they hated searching the paragraphs to remember who this luminary was that I was quoting or mentioning. I also thought this was boring and repetitive, but I began doing it. Then I would get zapped for writing “for doing it”. Doing WHAT, motherfucker? So I changed my style, and began spoon-feeding my few blog-followers.

    “— hey, it’s going to the old hole, whaddaya know? —” said the man thirty minutes after taking Viagra #1.

    I hope the steampunk/Western make it to the ‘nets. 🙂
    You guys ever see these Vine movies? Sometimes one a day is posted, sometimes one a week. They are six seconds long. It’s amazing how a six second video can convey a plot and contain monolog, because that’s all you get.

    On the Brit TV series “Shameless” a breakfast staple is beans-on-toast. All my life, never tried it, never heard of it, really, so today I did. Canned baked beans spiced up a bit with a dot of BBQ sauce and onion powder and hot sauce, and dumped on top of dark toast. Not only was it surprisingly good for being such a simple dish, the dogs came begging and they ate half of what I made. I B DAM !! 🙂

    Football widows, you have one more day of blissful attention from your sweet caring husbands. Pro football starts tomorrow night. But did you know this? “…/NFL-wo…
    Street & Smith’s Sports Group
    Oct 14, 2013 – Women represent approximately 45 percent of the NFL fan base, according to Scarborough Research…”

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  11. MichaelG said on September 3, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    Maybe it’s actual core drilling.

    Careful, Dexter. The Brits have a number of really strange things which they eat. Don’t hurt yourself.

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  12. LAMary said on September 3, 2014 at 1:50 pm

    Put those dogs outside for a while, Dexter. Dog flatulence can kill.

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  13. LAMary said on September 3, 2014 at 1:55 pm

    Speaking of bad, check out Kim Kardashian’s dress/skirt/dominatrix outfit:

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  14. Charlotte said on September 3, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    Seventeen years for the asshole who shot Reneisha McBride.

    Cold comfort to her family though …

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  15. jcburns said on September 3, 2014 at 4:13 pm

    Village of the dammed.

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  16. MichaelG said on September 3, 2014 at 4:17 pm

    Boy, Mary. That’s a pair to draw to.

    Seventeen years. How many is he likely to actually drill, I mean serve?

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  17. garmoore2 said on September 3, 2014 at 4:59 pm


    He was sentenced to 15 to 30 years’ imprisonment on the murder conviction, and 2 years on the conviction for use of a firearm during the commission of a felony. The 15 to 30 year sentence is consecutive to the 2 year sentence, so it adds up to 17. He’s not supposed to be able to be considered for parole until the expiration of the minimum term, so he should serve his full minimum, or 17 years. Unlike some states, Michigan uses an indeterminate sentencing procedure. That means the 17 years probably means 17 years to serve, unless the Legislature changes the parole laws or the Governor decides to step in. Of course, he has a right to appeal (I’m guessing he will appeal), so it’s always possible that a sentencing issue will be raised, which could also affect how long he serves.

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  18. Sherri said on September 3, 2014 at 11:44 pm

    And Voss recalls one incident in which after successfully negotiating with a prosecutor to reduce his clients’ fines, the prosecutor replied, “You’re taking money right out of my pocket, here.”

    More on the the use of fines and warrants to fund municipal government in St. Louis County:

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  19. MarkH said on September 4, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    Well, this is disturbing. Apparently hackers are going so far as to surreptitiously install dummy cell towers that are actually designed to perform massive phone hacks. 17 found so far around the country and there are likely far more.

    In a related topic, Juan Cole nails it (again) on the question of why is NSA too busy spying on us to locate our actual enemies. And do a better job of informing and warning our leaders of these threats.

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  20. Dexter said on September 4, 2014 at 1:22 pm

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  21. brian stouder said on September 4, 2014 at 2:52 pm

    Well, our brand new Fearsome Rampaging Enemy Threat (FRET) has an odd name (is it ISIL or ISIS?

    Both, apparently, which no one had heard of before a few months ago, and so now we’re on the learning curve.

    But they apparently like money, and they have lots (and lots) of it thanks to black-market oil (betcha Cheney [et al] gets to “wet his beak” a little, in that game)…

    and this tells me we’ll get to kill their leadership at some point, since the top-chuckleheads have to be leaving a financial trail. But until then, we will apparently get this continuing spectacle of bare-handed beheadings and the like.

    The inevitable next chapter can’t come soon enough

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  22. Connie said on September 4, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    Joan Rivers has died. I just watched her do the Emmy and VMA Fashion Police.

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  23. Dexter said on September 4, 2014 at 3:50 pm

    Hardest working woman in show business, huge legacy, seems more like a favorite aunt than a distant superstar…Joan Rivers was so warm and nice during her visits to the satellite radio comedy channels, where she’d stop to plug a new project and laugh with the show’s hosts…what a loss. She’s been funny my entire life, now gone.

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  24. brian stouder said on September 4, 2014 at 3:56 pm

    Dexter – exactly. She always reminded me of my mom’s neighborhood friends (circa 1970), in a good way!

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  25. brian stouder said on September 4, 2014 at 3:57 pm

    …and Governor UltraSound got convicted!


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  26. brian stouder said on September 4, 2014 at 4:30 pm

    And then there’s this – a lightening-fast (relatively speaking) judicial decision upholding the lower court’s striking down of Indiana’s & Wisconsin’s gay marriage ban

    Thursday’s 40-page ruling sharply criticized the reasons both states gave for the bans, saying, “The only rationale that the states put forth with any conviction — that same-sex couples and their children don’t need marriage because same-sex couples can’t produce children, intended or unintended — is so full of holes that it cannot be taken seriously.” Wisconsin Attorney General J.B Van Hollen said he would appeal the ruling to the U.S. Supreme Court.

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  27. LAMary said on September 4, 2014 at 5:55 pm

    I had a lot of respect for Joan Rivers. She had to rebuild her career and her finances after her husband died and Fox fired her. She was nearly bankrupt and she worked her ass off, not only doing shows but hawking jewelry on QVC as well.

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  28. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on September 4, 2014 at 8:05 pm

    She had such a tough, charming, undefeated response to the death by suicide of her first husband, after some business reversals (he was her manager): “He asked in his will that I visit him every day. So I had him cremated and scattered his ashes at Neiman-Marcus.”

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