Scant entertainment.

I’m closing in on the end of a chapter, and have time to say hi — Hi! — and give you some more longreads for the weekend.

One of my favorite web writers — Roy Edroso at Alicublog — used to write for another webzine, the Alicubi Journal, back when we spoke of things like webzines. (Or even blogs.)

The archive remains online and the other day I looked up the articles archive and found one of my all-time faves of his, “The Ballad of the Reverb Motherfuckers,” a memoir of his time in, well, let him tell it:

In 1986, I was living in the East Village. Naturally I was in a number of bands.

But of course he was. Here’s part one, part two, part three and part four. You’ll notice part four ends with “to be continued.” It doesn’t. I emailed Roy and asked him where the conclusion was, and he said he never got around to it; this was a webzine, after all, not Esquire or Playboy. If you’re worried that Roy was never OK again, well, he’s fine and I had a drink with him just last fall on the sun-kissed banks of the Detroit River. Lives in D.C. with his lovely wife Kia.

Every part of this saga cracks me up. It’s like Coozledad, only longer than a blog comment:

Once we had decided to proceed, drummer or no, it only remained for us to get gigs. For an unknown band comprised, for all the world knew, of aging losers, our best chances were among the local, low-rent performance spaces where junior-grade sonic youth yowled and gibbered nightly. Our first booking was in the last slot on a Saturday night at Neither/Nor, a bookstore and illicit club on Sixth Street between Avenues C and D.

Neither/Nor was owned by a moneyed young aesthete (as were most of the alt-rock spaces east of Avenue A then), but effectively managed by an unflappable black hustler known only as Billy Sleaze. Billy never opened his eyes more than halfway, nor smiled more than enough to show grudging approval, and he practiced similar energy conservation techniques in his management of the acts that tumbled through the venue. He told the players where to put their amps and then languidly patrolled the perimeter, sometimes shaking his head at the shrill foolishness onstage. But he had expressed mild appreciation for the professionalism of the Deadbeats when we had played Neither/Nor in that guise, and he was almost friendly when we lugged our pathetic, cumbersome gear through the door.

“Here, man,” he said to John, “take my card.”

The card was homemade and bore a photo of an black penis entering a white, puckered anus.

“Guess he likes us,” I said.

Enjoy. I’m off for a weekend, and will see you here next week, again in scanty form, but with a weak signal prevailing.

Posted at 8:15 pm in Same ol' same ol' |

19 responses to “Scant entertainment.”

  1. Minnie said on September 4, 2014 at 8:47 pm

    Responding to news of McDonnell’s – and his wife’s – conviction on corruption charges: I thought I’d feel jubilation that such a miserable son of a bitch is getting what he deserves. All I feel is sorrow that fellow Virginia voters elected him and that others of his ilk are getting away with their equally, if not slimier, tradeoffs for – what? – their pitiful ideas of power and glory.

    To the Proprietress: Looking forward to the book.

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  2. Minnie said on September 4, 2014 at 8:51 pm

    That would be “equally tasteless, if not slimier, tradeoffs”.

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  3. Deborah said on September 4, 2014 at 9:40 pm

    That McDonnell conviction was one I thought I’d never see. I was surprised the jury actually had the guts to do the right thing. Of course they’ll appeal. People are saying that he will probably only spend a year in prison and she’ll get off on probation. I have a similar expectation for the policeman who shot the unarmed black teenager in Ferguson. HE probably won’t even face a trial much less a conviction.

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  4. Kim said on September 4, 2014 at 10:26 pm

    Deborah, I don’t think that jury had much choice. It seemed pretty clear the evidence coupled with the judge’s instructions would lead to the double conviction McDonnell would have avoided had he accepted the plea agreement – the one where he’d cop to one felony (not one of the corruption charges so he might’ve been able to hang onto that law license from Regent University) and his wife would not be charged. Bob blamed it on the wife, even as he ran on the family values ticket, claimed he was the one in the family in charge of finances and testified she was never comfortable with his political ambitions, which he continued to pursue with vigor even as she unspooled (or so his defense tried to play it, with him as the sad clown victim).

    What’s most disgusting to me is how some of the local GOP (including my delegate) are reacting to the conviction, which I feel compelled to remind them is the result of a dozen people coming to agreement. If I were a federal prosecutor, gotta say I know which rocks I’d be turning over after the January 6 sentencing.

    I wish I had seen a “Lady McDonnell” hed, though, as an homage to the original bad wifey.

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  5. alex said on September 5, 2014 at 12:29 am

    Lady McDonnell, children at your feet
    Wonder how you manage to make ends mee-ee-eet!

    Laughing my ass off at this video tribute to St. Joan but have to go beddy-bye and will have to revisit it tomorrow:

    The BeeGees and the quack who wrote Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask are worth the time as well. And we think we live in a fucked up world now?

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  6. MarkH said on September 5, 2014 at 12:45 am

    Kim, well said at #4. I don’t know much of VA politics, but followed the trial. Governor Hubris McDoofus should have taken the plea. “Lady McDonnell”; love it.

    Meanwhile: BREAKING NEWS!! Does this sum up cable news or what. The Onion strikes again.,16928/

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  7. ROGirl said on September 5, 2014 at 5:23 am

    There’s something so satisfying about seeing this disciple of Pat Robertson, who had already been anointed as the next Republican hope for president, be brought down by his own greed and sense of entitlement. He’s a schmuck who floated up the food chain on his smarm and opportunistic ambition, and the ridiculous defense he put up was demolished quite handily.

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  8. beb said on September 5, 2014 at 8:24 am

    The schadenfreude is flowing strongly today. Beside Virginia’s former governor there’s Kansas’s Senate race. You would think that the Republican incumbent in a deeply conservative state would have a shoe-in for re-election but not so for Sen Pat Roberts who has only a 37% approval rating. He;s being challenged by a Democrat and an Independent. The independent, Orman, as hinted he would caucasus with the Dems. Polling has shown that in a three-way race Roberts would eck out a narrow victory but in a two-man race against Orman he would lose decisively. So yesterday the Democratic challenger, Chad Taylor, filed paperwork to withdraw from the race. Now the Kansas Attorney General says that Taylor can’t withdraw. Why is a little vague. And will be subject to appeals. This is just like Gore v. Bush where the outcome of the suit determined the winner of the election. What a world…

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  9. brian stouder said on September 5, 2014 at 8:34 am

    What’s the matter with Kansas? (and Missouri) (and Indiana) (and Michigan) (etc)

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  10. brian stouder said on September 5, 2014 at 9:06 am

    Forget ‘scanty’; let’s go BIG!

    an excerpt:

    In fact, the Dreadnoughtus schrani dinosaur unveiled Thursday was one of the biggest — if not THE biggest — land animal ever to grace the Earth.

    Experts estimate that back in its day — the Upper Cretaceous period, approximately 77 million years ago — this giant measured 85 feet long and weighed about 65 tons. No wonder, then, paleontologists picked a first name that breaks down to “fear nothing.” (The second name honors benefactor and tech entrepreneur Adam Schran.) You wouldn’t be scared, either, if you towered over every creature in sight, could smash most anything with your whip-like tail and could smoosh most anything with your colossal feet.

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  11. Julie Robinson said on September 5, 2014 at 1:57 pm

    Have we ever heard what the book is about, or is that a closely held secret?

    Pity poor McDonnell, who has been “reduced to staying with the family’s priest”.
    Sorry, I have none for him and his ilk.

    My pity is reserved for families in crisis not brought on by themselves, like that of my aunt. We learned of her death Wednesday while at our daughter’s birthday party. She had diabetes, heart disease, and the same cancer as Robin Roberts, but was expected to last a couple more weeks. In fact, I was planning on driving my mom out to Iowa as soon as we got home so she could say goodbye. Now that trip will be a final goodbye.

    Dixie leaves behind a husband with Alzheimer’s, a son with Down’s, and one other son, who learned of her death as he and his wife were leaving HER mother’s funeral. The last year of her life was very difficult medically, but she was able to get her husband placed in a nursing home and her son in a group home, and with that she felt she could go now.

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  12. Sue said on September 5, 2014 at 2:06 pm

    It’s beginning to look like the Other Governor Ultrasound (from Wisconsin) is going to be the last man standing.

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  13. MichaelG said on September 5, 2014 at 4:59 pm

    Cretaceous period? I thought this was the Cretaceous period. I mean given the large number of Cretans and all.

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  14. coozledad said on September 5, 2014 at 6:10 pm

    Antonin Scalia is garbage, as are the rest of the Bush appointees. But people of good will already know that.

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  15. Suzanne said on September 5, 2014 at 6:37 pm

    No longer Gov., but there has been some interesting news of late in NE Indiana about Purdue U (now under the leadership of Our Man Mitch) refusing to release information about the forced retirement of the Chancellor of the Fort Wayne regional campus —

    It’s all very convoluted with Mitch’s predecessor retiring at 65 because thems the rules and then Purdue forcing the FW campus chancellor to retire at the same age, and then hiring someone to replace him who was, I believe, 64. Mr. Wartell, however, fought back. Now, PU won’t release the report about the whys and hows of the ouster.

    But wait, this is Indiana and Mitch is the Pres of PU, so nothing will come of it.

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  16. beb said on September 6, 2014 at 6:14 am

    Julie @11: Isn’t this the yacht club history?

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  17. coozledad said on September 6, 2014 at 2:01 pm

    National Review editor Rich Lowry acknowledged that Johnson “made a terrible mistake,” but said he deserved a second chance.

    “He’s a talented journalist, with obviously a lot of other people’s work to contribute,” Lowry told Politico. “He knows he’s joining amulti storied institution at NR, and we look forward to his helping us leap from one of the upper floors, bounce twice, and diecarry on our mission across all platforms.”

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  18. Sherri said on September 7, 2014 at 2:18 am

    What happens when you add the War on Drugs and the War on Terror together? A treasure hunt! Pull over motorists, seize their cash, you don’t even have to charge them with a crime!

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  19. brian stouder said on September 7, 2014 at 10:19 am

    An excerpt from Sherri’s linked article:

    The Justice Department data released to The Post does not contain information about race. Carr said the department prohibits racial profiling. But in 400 federal court cases examined by The Post where people who challenged seizures and received some money back, the majority were black, Hispanic or another minority.

    A 55-year-old Chinese American restaurateur from Georgia was pulled over for minor speeding on Interstate 10 in Alabama and detained for nearly two hours. He was carrying $75,000 raised from relatives to buy a Chinese restaurant in Lake Charles, La. He got back his money 10 months later but only after spending thousands of dollars on a lawyer and losing out on the restaurant deal.

    A 40-year-old Hispanic carpenter from New Jersey was stopped on Interstate 95 in Virginia for having tinted windows. Police said he appeared nervous and consented to a search. They took $18,000 that he said was meant to buy a used car. He had to hire a lawyer to get back his money.

    Mandrel Stuart, a 35-year-old African American owner of a small barbecue restaurant in Staunton, Va., was stunned when police took $17,550 from him during a stop in 2012 for a minor traffic infraction on Interstate 66 in Fairfax. He rejected a settlement with the government for half of his money and demanded a jury trial. He eventually got his money back but lost his business because he didn’t have the cash to pay his overhead.

    “I paid taxes on that money. I worked for that money,” Stuart said. “Why should I give them my money?”


    I seem to recall a guy getting pulled over in Carmel, Indiana, who was half out-of-his-mind drunk (or otherwise drug addled) and horned-up and lookin’ for lovin’, and he had about $30,000 in cash with him, and do you know what happened?

    Irsay’s full sentence includes 60 days to in the Hamilton County (Ind.) jail, according to the Hamilton County Prosecutor’s Office. Fifty-eight days of his sentence were suspended, and Irsay was given two days of credit for the one day he served on March 17. The court imposed costs of $168.50 and a $200 alcohol countermeasure fee, the release states. The court also recommended that Irsay’s license be suspended for a period of 90 days.

    I wonder why the police didn’t keep the rich white guy’s money?

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