You know what I haven’t had since…March 1996? A massage. You know what I’ve been promising myself I’d get just as soon as the pace slowed just a tad? I finally did it, the day before Mother’s Day. My present to myself.
And it was, well, have you ever had a bad massage? I guess it’s possible — you wouldn’t get me to try rolfing or anything — but it’s sort of like what Woody Allen said about orgasms: Every one was right on the money. Not that I’ve had all that many, but a good one can almost make me gibber incoherently. Once I was sitting in a salon with my hair in foil wrappers, gettin’ the lights turned on y’know, and a guy came around and asked if I’d like a free hand massage. I’m sure he was selling the miracle cream he used to do it, but I said yes and simply couldn’t keep up with his small talk, because my head was nearly lolling with pleasure. It was sort of embarrassing.
Anyway, I bravely opted for a masseur (the boy kind) and he was very respectful, but what else would you expect? Anyway, I’ve decided that if a boob slips out here or there, he’s seen a million others. He said my back was a mass of knots. I could have told him that.
How was your weekend? It was a pleasant M-day, and Kate and I went to the art museum to see the Diego-and-Frida exhibit, which was pretty great, but overcrowded. I was delighted by the large-scale sketches of the Rivera murals, as well as the Kahlo paintings, which were smaller and more powerful than I expected. I can’t imagine what it must have been inside a marriage of two talents like that, but they certainly made some great art in Detroit.
Some good bloggage this weekend, so without further blabbing:
The president visited the 50th state this weekend, and it happens to be one that loathes him. (South Dakota.) Nevertheless, this happened:
Most in the crowd, which was now three or four people deep, were die-hard Republicans and had little love for this president. “I wonder if he’s a Christian sometimes,” said Kristi Maas, 47, who owns a small hair salon in town. Just the thought was “scary” to her, she said. “He wants to take prayer out of everything. . . . Isn’t this country supposed to be based on religion?” Heads nodded around her.
…The crowd drifted slowly away. As she walked back to her car with her sister, Maas was already reconsidering her opinion of the man who minutes earlier she had believed maybe wasn’t a Christian — the man she worried was ruining the country.
… When Obama was done, the bar erupted in applause. A woman sitting in the smoking room by the video poker machines had begun crying.
“Most of the time I could care less what he’s talking about,” said Jason Hollatz, 37-year-old farmer. “Are all Obama’s speeches like that?”
A good read. You wonder what this country might be like without the propaganda factories making bank off people in South Dakota.
My husband has a thing for smart women in glasses, and I think he loves Tina Fey most of all. Here’s one reason.
Finally, a picture I took at the state capital on Friday. Remember when we were kids, and our parents might take a roll or two of photos of us over the course of maybe a year? Now it’s a roll a day.
Oh, one final note: We watched “Welcome to Me” on iTunes, which wasn’t great but was a long way from terrible — a comedy in which Kristin Wiig plays a woman who wins the lottery and uses the money to launch her own vanity talk show called guess-what. It might be the ultimate commentary on Selfie Nation. Maybe one of the kids in that picture will grow up to do the same.
Happy week ahead, all!
Wim said on May 11, 2015 at 2:15 am
Geez, don’t read the comments!
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Dexter said on May 11, 2015 at 2:24 am
The closest I have recently had to a massage were five ultrasound treatments treatments on my bad hip, which helped for an hour each time, then back to the way it felt before.
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ROGirl said on May 11, 2015 at 6:17 am
After I was in a car accident and went through physical therapy, I started going to massage therapists (and eventually a chiropractor). These days I go to the student clinic at a massage school. They are usually very good, and they always give you feedback forms for comments.
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Deborah said on May 11, 2015 at 7:48 am
I’m not crazy about massages unless they are given by someone I’m intimate with.
We went to see the movie, The Clouds of Sils Maria, for the second time. I liked it even better than the first time.
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beb said on May 11, 2015 at 8:29 am
I can honestly say I’ve never had a bad massage … because I;ve never had one at all.
A blogger was having fun with one of the presidential candidates – I think it was Ted Cruz, he of the very crazy Rev. Raphael Cruz. The candidate had been going on about how important religion is and reading the bible and stuff, then moving on to another subject declared that the only meat worth barbecuing is pork. The blogger reminded him that the Bible is very specific about what meats are forbidden by G*d. Pork is not one of them. Therefore no one Christian should ever eat barbecued pork because … kosher! Religion. You can’t really build a working civilization around all it’s nutty stipulations.
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Heather said on May 11, 2015 at 9:28 am
No massage since 1996!?!? If I go more than four or five months, I’m miserable. If I could afford every week, I would do it. I’ve been seeing the same massage therapist for years; she used to do massages for the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. But for my birthday I treated myself to an hour-and-a-half massage at the fancy spa in the Peninsula Hotel downtown. It was totally worth the exorbitant cost.
Never had a hand massage, but I always enjoy the brief head massages the assistants at my hair salon give after they’re done shampooing.
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Minnie said on May 11, 2015 at 9:40 am
Saw The Clouds of Sils Maria yesterday. It’s definitely a film that could tolerate a second viewing. I’ll be thinking of the Maloja Snake for a long time to come.
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Deborah said on May 11, 2015 at 10:01 am
Minnie, it definitely takes a second viewing. I was wrapped up in the plot the first time and missed the subtle clues in the dialogue. And as you know there’s a lot of dialogue.
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Judybusy said on May 11, 2015 at 11:20 am
Wow, some quick action on the salon workers after the NYT piece: http://theweek.com/speedreads/554349/new-york-gov-andrew-cuomo-orders-emergency-measures-protect-nail-salon-workers
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Dorothy said on May 11, 2015 at 2:28 pm
For anyone (particularly you men folk) who have not had a massage, I strongly encourage you to do so, at least once. I got a gift certificate for a massage for my husband for Christmas about 10 years ago and he admitted he thought he was getting a gift certificate to something ‘fun’ like a toy train company, or fishing equipment. I dropped him off at the salon and picked him up about 90 minutes later, and he said he felt like all the bones had been taken out of his body and then gently put back in place. He LOVED it. One of these days we’re going to get around to getting side-by-side massages, probably when we finally treat ourselves to a Caribbean vacay. I try to do one at least once a year and wish I made the time for them more frequently.
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brian stouder said on May 11, 2015 at 3:04 pm
As soon as I finished guffawing, after reading the passage – ”…it’s sort of like what Woody Allen said about orgasms: Every one was right on the money. Not that I’ve had all that many, but a good one can almost make me gibber incoherently. –
I knew that today was necessarily a “no comment” day, for me.
But I will say – boy! The weather hereabouts has been quite bumpy today. Shelby texted mom from her shelter-in-place position at Wayne High School, as a violent storm pounded through their part of town.
A very 2015-moment, really…
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Joe K said on May 11, 2015 at 3:32 pm
“Everyone was right on the money, not that I’ve had that many, but a good one can almost make me gibber incoherently”
We talking massage or orgasm?
Pilot Joe
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alex said on May 11, 2015 at 3:41 pm
Kentucky bourbon, Joe.
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nancy said on May 11, 2015 at 3:41 pm
Oh, you filthy boys. Massages cost $80. Orgasms are free. What do you think?
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brian stouder said on May 11, 2015 at 3:44 pm
I think I’m going to stay focused on comments about the wild and bumpy weather!
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Basset said on May 11, 2015 at 3:47 pm
Joe, I think masseuses call it “happy ending.”
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Dexter said on May 11, 2015 at 4:20 pm
I just flashed back to my younger days when I would get haircuts, but I was never particular about any certain barber. I can’t remember which barber it was, but after the haircut he’d give a thirty second shoulder massage.
A sensual moment in the barber chair was when the barber lathered the neck and behind the ears and straight-razored those areas…the razor made a scraping noise and a very pleasant sense of getting clean, or something.
I never mentioned to anyone how pleasant that feeling was , and decades later I was reminiscing about the old home town with another codger and he said, “…remember how the barbers used hot lather and shaved behind our ears and our necks with a straight razor? That feeling was just great!” So I was not the only one it affected like that.
Then there was the barber some of the guys here at nn dot com from around Garrett and Auburn might remember…after the haircut he’d always say, “Hey, pal…you need any magazines? And he’s procure a selection of hard-core porn for us to look at for a second, then buy or give back immediately .
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Deborah said on May 11, 2015 at 4:55 pm
Ew gross, Dexter. I wouldn’t want the guy who cuts my husband’s hair to be offering him any porn. The guy used to cut my hair too, he’s really good (and expensive) but he just has an awful personality, I couldn’t take it anymore. Now I get my hair cut in Santa Fe by the the nicest guy in the world. Plus it costs half as much as the Chicago guy. Of course the Chicago guy charges my husband half as much as my haircuts cost. Why is that?
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Scout said on May 11, 2015 at 5:00 pm
All the LMTs of my acquaintance are completely offended by “happy ending” talk. They take their modality quite seriously, and if they are properly accredited they know their body physiology.
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Deborah said on May 11, 2015 at 5:10 pm
Off Topic but funny. Stephen Colbert at the Time 100 Gala http://thepage.time.com/2012/04/25/clinton-and-colbert-at-the-time-100/#ixzz1t6QTiNYT
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Dexter said on May 11, 2015 at 5:21 pm
When I was a kid we were dragged to church every Sunday by our parents. One church family had about five kids as I recall, and one of the girls, who was about ten at the time had thin hair. Her dad gave the family haircuts and he shaved the girl’s head “to make it come in thicker”. The poor kid wore a head-covering scarf for months as her hair grew back slowly. That dad was a nut. Of course they moved to Florida and were never heard from again.
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Colleen said on May 11, 2015 at 6:31 pm
I convinced my husband to have a massage and he loved it. We have a massage therapist who lives nearby and works out of her home. She is amazing. I don’t go as often as I would like to, but I kind of look at it as a kind of self care. Not only does it feel amazing, but it is actually good for me too.
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LAMary said on May 11, 2015 at 7:02 pm
My son recently introduced me to reverse GIFs. Some are stupid, some are gross and some are really funny.
http://i.imgur.com/qhF6mHb.gifv
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David C. said on May 11, 2015 at 7:18 pm
When my wife was having shoulder problems, her physical therapist taught me some massage techniques. I’m rather good at it if Mary is to be believed, and she is.
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Sue said on May 11, 2015 at 10:15 pm
Is this for real? Because if it is, it’s several kinds of awesome.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jason-stanford/the-pentagons-response-to_b_7251254.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592
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