Saved in the nick.

I told you Monday would be a bear and it was, and I screwed up and didn’t blog, but then I woke up at 4:30 a.m., and this mega-Jezebel post of terrible restaurant stories fell into my lap. It is, as the kids say, everything. Enjoy and I’ll be back later.

If you don’t have time, control-F to Santa and just read that one. (Wait, there are multiple Santa stories. Santa trucker is the one you want, but they’re all good.)

Posted at 5:38 am in Media |

25 responses to “Saved in the nick.”

  1. alex said on November 24, 2015 at 6:23 am

    The restaurant stories are hysterically funny. I’ll have to go back later and finish when I have time.

    May have shared this one before but I have one of my own:

    When I was young I had a brief part-time stint in a fine dining establishment. One day I seated woman who looked and sounded as if she was fresh off the bus from Appalachia. I went over the day’s specials, concluding with the soup du jour, vichyssoise.

    “Ah don’t eat nuthin’ with feesh een it,” she responded. I didn’t bother to explain, and as it would have been served cold I’m sure she would have given me grief for that too.

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  2. basset said on November 24, 2015 at 8:06 am

    Completely off topic and only the second post:

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  3. Andrea said on November 24, 2015 at 8:14 am

    Love the restaurant stories! Especially the tapas/sangria story. I really hope that’s true. And I hope the caramel bitch got arrested. Thanks for the entertainment.

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  4. brian stouder said on November 24, 2015 at 8:29 am

    Basset – THAT was interesting!

    The current bid is at $15K; I bet the freight bill to move all that stuff will exceed that.

    I read psycho-Santa, and don’t even want to know where that guy is today (presumably prison, rather than the North Pole)

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  5. nancy said on November 24, 2015 at 8:35 am

    With a 21 percent buyers premium, no less. What would one do with such a thing?

    Maybe open a restaurant in it!

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  6. coozledad said on November 24, 2015 at 8:45 am

    I’m sure Ben Carson’s campaign could use it. He ain’t braining real good.

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  7. coozledad said on November 24, 2015 at 8:48 am

    Yeesh. Shit’s about to get uglier:

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  8. ROGirl said on November 24, 2015 at 8:49 am

    Off topic, but the 2nd season of the “The Leftovers” has been getting better with each episode. I’m hoping the end doesn’t disappoint.

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  9. coozledad said on November 24, 2015 at 9:11 am

    Time to close the borders to people of European descent:

    They’re just coming here to sponge off welfare and make stupid-ass terror babies.

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  10. Julie Robinson said on November 24, 2015 at 9:16 am

    #16, the obnoxious pizza customer.

    Yet I also identify with the complaint about tea served lukewarm in a styrofoam cup. How hard is it to boil water? Almost no restaurant gets this right. If you don’t drink coffee you’re just screwed. They all have that big urn with the hot water, but the water IS NOT BOILING. You need boiling water to steep tea. Wait, let me come back to the kitchen and show you how. Or do it myself. Poor shrimp cocktail guy.

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  11. brian stouder said on November 24, 2015 at 9:52 am

    I’m still recovering my footing from Nancy’s thought at #5 – utilizing the MASH tents for a restaurant. (Made me guffaw!)

    Developing a themed-menu (examples redacted, on second thought) would present a good-taste/poor-taste minefield (so to speak), for the proprieters.

    And in other news, betcha a nickel that DT* has something ridiculous to say about that Minneapolis story Cooz linked to.

    *presumably, at the end of this presidential cycle next year, the whole Republican party will be in withdrawal, and sweating through their DTs, eh?

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  12. coozledad said on November 24, 2015 at 10:36 am

    Remember when millions of folks told George Bush that going into Iraq wasn’t just evil, but stupid? That it would plunge the entire region into chaos? Republicans don’t. They want us to get back into a sixteen way fight, so we can risk confrontations with nuclear powers every day.

    Here’s one of those thought experiments Republican douchecookies so love to play. Imagine Russia is a country that just elected one of your shitsack candidates, and the pig-ignorant white serfs start baying for blood. Any blood. Demanding the use of nuclear weapons. Well, motherfuckers, Russia IS you. Enjoy.

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  13. Icarus said on November 24, 2015 at 10:45 am

    off-topic as well but Ed nails it at Gin and Tacos

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  14. basset said on November 24, 2015 at 10:45 am

    My mother was English, came her as a 20-year-old newlywed in 1950 and had many stories about the challenges of adjusting to life in rural, working-class South Carolina, where hot tea was completely foreign and asking for it would sometimes result in an offer to heat up some iced tea.

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  15. Julie Robinson said on November 24, 2015 at 12:21 pm

    Basset, that must have been a special kind of hell for her. No doubt it was that God-awful sweet tea, too. Ugh.

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  16. basset said on November 24, 2015 at 12:27 pm

    She never did fully adjust… went through the Blitz as a child and 9/11 video gave her flashbacks.

    OK, enough of that, new topic:

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  17. coozledad said on November 24, 2015 at 12:42 pm

    The Minneapolis police are aiding and abetting terrorism. Time to send Special Forces in to clean that shit up.

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  18. coozledad said on November 24, 2015 at 1:15 pm

    Dearest Eliza:

    I’m writing this with a little graphite niblick wax and one of the shattered golf tees this place is littered with, so let me first offer my humble apologies for the legibility of this missive. By the time you read this, I will likely have handicapped myself right out of this great tournament of wills.

    There are whispers that Stonewall himself is stuck in a sandtrap near the fairway…

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  19. brian stouder said on November 24, 2015 at 1:59 pm

    Cooze at 18 – if not thread-win, certainly it’s a birdie!

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  20. coozledad said on November 24, 2015 at 6:05 pm

    Sixty years of sixty years ago:

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  21. David C. said on November 24, 2015 at 7:19 pm

    Sure happy I never had to do a job that involved customer service. I was involved in one on those incidents. I took my grandfather to the grocery store. He always got a certain kind of doughnut 6 for 55 cents. That price is burned into my memory cells. Anyway, they raised the price by a nickel. The old coot wouldn’t accept that those were the same doughnuts at a different price. He was hollering at the poor kid behind the counter “I want the 6 for 55 cents doughnuts, I want the 6 for 55 cents doughnuts”. He was like a kid having a tantrum and I just wanted to disappear. I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life.

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  22. Deborah said on November 24, 2015 at 8:26 pm

    Had a depressing incident today, went to Abiquiu so my husband could see the final result of our latest chapter of construction on our building project, which looked fantastic. Then we had some time to kill before we headed back to SF so we decided to go to the Ghost Ranch (Jeff tmmo will know what that is). On the way there, almost to the entry we saw the aftermath of a horrendous traffic crash. I car had gone off of the road a flipped over and as we passed the cops were holding up white sheets which only means they’re shielding your view of mangled bodies. It still is making me feel bad. Seems like someone may have fallen asleep at the
    Wheel, so sad. You folks out there traveling for the holiday, be careful.

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  23. Charlotte said on November 24, 2015 at 9:51 pm

    Kitchenette was a joy every Monday … thank goodness it’s going to Wonkette. “I’m allergic to crunchy” and the “monogrammed thermos” stories are worth googling.

    Here’s my link for the day — great rant by a young writer who apparently is teaching at Michigan these days “He was a writer. I was a girl.” On Pandering by Claire Vaye Watkins

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  24. Sherri said on November 24, 2015 at 10:42 pm

    Does your female TV meteorologist wear this dress?

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  25. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on November 25, 2015 at 8:13 am

    Deborah, or it was impaired driving, which is a huge source of Rio Arriba fatalities.

    Listen to the lady: drive safely! I’m off to Indianapolis myself after a funeral . . . a sobering season all around.

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