A nerd is born.

Technical issues: My sister wrote the other day and asked why I haven’t been updating the site lately. I’m all like what the–?! and she’s all like, no, it hasn’t changed since April 15; I’m looking at the page now, and I’m all like hit Reload, and she like does it, and it still doesn’t change, and damn if I know what the problem is. But she said this only happened at work, where their network was recently hit by a virus called Slammer, and the system’s now so restricted she can’t visit half the web, and maybe I’m in that half. My own system guy says, "It’s something at her end." Sounds about right.

But then she said she got a note from a friend of hers in Atlanta, works for a different company entirely, same problem.

So just for the hell of it, I’m taking off the little referrer script at the bottom and the Amazon thingie, making NN.C as plain-vanilla as it can be. Any of you have problems, let me know, ’cause I’m mystified.

Mystified ain’t all I am at the moment. I realize these entries must sound like one long whiny diary of chronic fatigue syndrome, but keep in mind I walked out of work about 90 minutes ago and my enthusiasm for spending another hour in front of a monitor is a little shaky at the moment. Besides, when you’re editing, nothing happens. No, things happen, but they’re very small things. Example: Today I spent five minutes trying to find "shinny" in the dictionary, which, I contend, is what you do when you climb a rope, a pole or other slender object. The reporter had written "shimmy," and we had a nice chat about that. "’Shimmy’ is when you shake your tits," I said. "’Shinny,’ I’m sure, if I can ever find it, comes from the posture, where you must support yourself by clasping your lower legs together. Your lower legs are, of course, your shins. Shinny. …Hey! Wake up!"

Let’s ask MacDICT, the world’s quickest (if you have broadband, if you’re a Mac user) online dictionary: shinny v : climb awkwardly, as if by scrambling [syn: {clamber}, {scramble}, {shin}, {skin}, {struggle}, {sputter}]

Oh, crap. No way is "sputter" a synonym for "shinny." But I’m right about the rest of it.

And yes, "shimmy" is also a chemise; ref. Scarlett O’Hara: "He looks as though he knows what I look like without my shimmy." But in its verb form, it means "to shake one’s breasts and/or booty."

Several more gripping minutes were consumed trying to think of what you call the toy consisting of a peg board and colored pegs, which are arranged to make pictures or patterns. The best anyone could come up with was the mid-tier-famous Lite Brite, an electrical version. I’m sure there was a well-known low-tech version, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I settled for "mosaic," a poor substitute but hey, that’s editing.

Did you know there’s an web version of Lite Brite? Now you do.

Obsessing over minutiae like this also keeps my mind off the disturbing images in the news of those bloody Shiites marching and wailing in Iraq, as creepy a sight as those guys in the Phillippines who actually have themselves crucified on Good Friday (do they still do that?), in a show of solidarity with you-know-who. My religious upbringing was Catholic, but I think I’m basically a Presbyterian at heart, and I gotta tell you — people that whack on the subject of faith frighten me. I don’t even like to raise my arms above the level of my shoulders and I especially don’t want anyone touching me when they pray — the "Curb Your Enthusiasm" episode where Larry doesn’t want to join hands in the prayer circle is one of my favorites — so you can see how slicing your skull open, even if it’s just a flesh wound, freaks me out. I just don’t see these folks being ready for democracy; it’s like if we handed the keys to the U.S. over to Pat Robertson and said, "Drive us wherever you want."

Can’t they go pull down a few more statues, kiss some soldiers?

Here’s some actual news: Verizon held its annual meeting in the Fort today, which attracted a few hundred people and lots of union pickets to the downtown convention center. My mom and sister were both Ohio Bell alums, so phone companies feel familiar to me. The big news to come out of the meeting was the surprise passage of an anti-golden-parachute shareholder resolution, one of those things that almost never passes. The CEO said having to seek shareholder approval of lucrative bonus and exit deals would mess up their negotiations with executives, to which I reply: Cry me a river. There was lots of un-Midwestern acting-out at the meeting — a sizable union contingent stood and turned their backs to the CEO when he spoke — and it was probably pretty fun to be there. To cover it. I’m a reporter at heart, and I always will be.

I also wonder how many times shareholders stepped up to the microphones and made some play on the "can you hear me now?" line.

OK, that is all. I can see the tape, I can see the angels calling me home and, most of all, I can see that I have to be back at work in 10 hours.

Tomorrow: Meet Buster.

Posted at 4:29 pm in Uncategorized |

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