A whole lot of nothin’.

Ruby the rabbit is turning out to be less pet by far than a dog or cat, but still amusing. I keep her close by, to monitor her chewing and miscellaneous destruction, but also to observe her wacky antics. She likes to climb to the tops of things, then jump up and down for the fun of it. Yesterday she interrupted a nap by placing a single paw on my back three or four times — hey, you awake? Lately she’s fond of long grooms, followed by mini-naps in fluffy-ball position, and then an extended paper-shred project. She prefers the paper be nice and crackly. I knew maintaining all these newspaper subscriptions would pay off one day.

The only bedroom I let her in is the guest room/office, which has a white bedspread (camouflage). I keep a couple of cheap blankets up there, and she likes to burrow and dig in them. She photographs better against the darker colors of the downstairs:


Why do we keep pets, anyway? Because we like carrying on conversations with them in squeaky voices? That’s my theory today, anyway.

You should hear the conversations Ruby and I can have over a bundle of carrot greens. You’d be …horrified.

Ugh. Another short night of sleep, another early meeting. I don’t feel capable of anything approaching serious discussion yet, so your loss, toots — sometimes you get what you pay for. How about a cavalcade of idiocy?

Everybody’s seen this by now, but the classics stay fresh forever: Ernie Anastos, anchorMAN! Stay classy, New York City.

A friend of mine works for the Palm Beach Post, and once told me the paper’s older, conservative readership dictates that they be downright prudish in their discussions of any story with a sex angle. You could read the entirety of the Bill and Monica clip file, for instance, and never know what, precisely, the two did together, as it was always referred to as simply “sex.” Well. Looks like they changed their policy. At least on the racy internets, anyway.

Look, free crack! And it’s not addictive at all; you can quit anytime you want. That’s what I tell myself, anyway.

You get in every morning, naked, and it makes you feel warm and good. So of course it’s out to kill you.

Meeting. Bicycle. Back later.

Posted at 8:58 am in Media, Same ol' same ol' |

88 responses to “A whole lot of nothin’.”

  1. Another Connie said on September 18, 2009 at 9:04 am

    Read every day, rarely comment because there’s already a regular “Connie” here.

    Anyway, who doesn’t turn on the shower and let it run for a bit before jumping in? Who are these people who look directly at the showerhead and turn it on? I’m more worried about the faceful of cold water than the bacteria.

    306 chars

  2. coozledad said on September 18, 2009 at 9:09 am

    I always preferred soaking to a shower anyway. But anyone who hasn’t experienced a car wash is cheating themselves.

    115 chars

  3. coozledad said on September 18, 2009 at 9:42 am

    Damn kids these days. They’ve gone and changed the meaning of my slang. Oh, for a simpler, purer time.
    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=car+wash – Cached – Similar

    171 chars

  4. brian stouder said on September 18, 2009 at 10:29 am

    What Another Connie said!

    So, it appears that Willard was in the basement at Yale, eh?


    ps – Cooz – here in Fort Wayne the big car wash chain has Haywood Banks sing their “You got a real nice car, take to a nice carwash” ditty….which now takes on a hair-raising new meaning!

    350 chars

  5. 4dbirds said on September 18, 2009 at 10:46 am

    What was Willard Scott doing in the basement at Yale?

    53 chars

  6. John said on September 18, 2009 at 10:52 am

    re Willard Scott:
    Looking for the bones of Geronimo to give him a jar of Smuckers for his (near) 200th birthday?

    113 chars

  7. Julie Robinson said on September 18, 2009 at 11:02 am

    Billy Crystal was on Letterman recently and talked about having their grandkids stay with them for several days. After they left he went to the movies and asked for two tickets to Inglorious Basterds in a nursery school, sing-song voice. Such are the hazards of being around small children and pets.

    Brian, our son went to see Henry Winkler and Marlee Matlin in an afternoon presentation to IPFW students. He found it inspirational, since he also has academic problems and wants to be a performer. Apparetnly Winkler and his family often have struggling actors stay with them.

    We would have loved to see the evening presentation but we had to go to a church meeting. Our denomination has finally decided to ordain gays and apparently this is a big deal to some people. But, amazingly, most of those opposed are not our senior members; with a few exceptions their attitude is that we are all as God made us. Like Mr. Rogers said, “I like you just the way you are.”

    976 chars

  8. ROgirl said on September 18, 2009 at 11:07 am

    Killer showers and chicken fuckers, oh my.

    42 chars

  9. Rana said on September 18, 2009 at 11:11 am

    Why do we keep pets, any­way? Because we like car­ry­ing on con­ver­sa­tions with them in squeaky voices? That’s my the­ory today, anyway.

    Yes, the conversations I have with b are quite inane.* There’s something weirdly comforting about having a live creature sharing the house with one, though I can’t quite put a finger on why. Maybe it’s lingering primate memories?

    I’m with all the people mystified by those individuals (do they in fact exist?) who just jump into a shower and turn on the tap. I always run the water until it reaches a good temperature, then turn on the shower, and wait a bit for the cold water to clear the pipes. Otherwise, BRR!

    *Have you seen this cartoon? http://xkcd.com/231/

    741 chars

  10. brian stouder said on September 18, 2009 at 11:14 am

    Julie – Jeff tmmo linked an interesting article on Glen Beck’s oddball conspiracy theories and so on, and when you get past the “aggressive use of half truths” (a great phrase from the article), it seems that the reliance on tears and earnestness is intended as a substitution for substantiation; “you gotta believe me because I believe this so fervently”.

    Strikes me as essentially childish.

    By way of saying – it’s good to learn that the older people at your church are the reasonable ones….maybe the younger folks will grow out of their stridency

    560 chars

  11. LAMary said on September 18, 2009 at 11:22 am

    Here in the land of nearly no water, I shower cold until it warms up. No wasted water. It wakes me up. Five minute showers with about three of those minutes heated.

    164 chars

  12. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on September 18, 2009 at 11:24 am

    Is there anyone else who watches too much cable news curious as to the business model for Korean Air? The airline with the weirdly mysteriousish music and the largely washed-out white ads with oddly placed swaths of blue ribbon or accents, with a sequence of aggressively Freudian images that apparently ends with Korean stewardesses making eyes at you, or the guy in the seat next to you?

    Aside from the creepy sexuality of the thing, it runs more often than ads for buying gold on am talk radio. Maybe there’s a subliminal thing at work that has nothing to do with sex, airline tickets, or Korea. Is there a Korean Air? What are they selling?

    Do i have a deadline coming today that i’m avoiding . . .

    711 chars

  13. brian stouder said on September 18, 2009 at 11:31 am

    Jeff – yes. The phallic nose of the airplane asserts itself just as a man’s cork pops from a frothy bottle, and we look at the woman’s pointy shoes…very odd.

    Plus there’s a non-KAL “what are they selling” commercial where a man and woman are in bed, and the woman is still asleep while the forlorn man awakens and gets out of bed. We notice a half-empty liquor bottle on the nightstand, and just as we’re thinking “one night stand” a voiceover says something about being stuck in a bad marriage….I honestly cannot say what this commercial is selling

    556 chars

  14. Sue said on September 18, 2009 at 11:36 am

    MMJeff, yes, those are some weird commercials. Those stewardesses aren’t making eyes at you, they’re either on drugs or trying to hypnotize you somehow.
    Rabbit question: my daughter got one from the humane society about two months ago. It won’t eat fresh stuff, doesn’t seem to know what to do with a paper towel roll, and hisses at her and her roommate. It supposedly was “found” and turned in but knew how to use a litter box. It accepts a harness and they take it out but overall it’s unfriendly and isn’t warming up to them. What are we missing?
    “Why do we keep pets, any­way? Because we like car­ry­ing on con­ver­sa­tions with them in squeaky voices?” I’m so bad that way that I carry on conversations even with my deaf cat.

    747 chars

  15. LAMary said on September 18, 2009 at 11:41 am

    Brian, it’s selling Ashley Madison, some online hookup for married guys service.

    80 chars

  16. Jen said on September 18, 2009 at 11:58 am

    Ahhh, something’s going to kill us all eventually – it might as well be the shower.

    “Why do we keep pets, any­way? Because we like car­ry­ing on con­ver­sa­tions with them in squeaky voices?” Genius. It’s true. I talk to my cat constantly when my husband’s not home (and sometimes when he is). It makes me feel like less of a freak than when I used to talk to myself when I lived alone with no kitty.

    414 chars

  17. jcburns said on September 18, 2009 at 12:16 pm

    Strange, I was just thinking that the rabbit picture looks very nose-of-a-747-like. So Nancy, the rabbit…stays…in the room…that your houseguests..uh…?

    158 chars

  18. alex said on September 18, 2009 at 12:17 pm

    People who haven’t had pets don’t understand those of us who do. I remember a woman once telling me “Stop it! You’re weirding me out!” when I was whispering sweet nothings to my dog.

    Of course, my mother tells me that she used to be given a hard time by a woman who couldn’t understand why my mom would talk to me and my brother when we were toddlers instead of just cooing and making faces. This woman’s children grew up with speech impediments and were behind the curve in verbal skills. That’s why.

    505 chars

  19. LAMary said on September 18, 2009 at 12:23 pm

    I talk to giant dog Max, right up next to his face, and he moves his jaw like he’s trying to talk back to me.

    109 chars

  20. brian stouder said on September 18, 2009 at 12:46 pm

    it’s sell­ing Ash­ley Madi­son, some online hookup for mar­ried guys service.

    Mary, that’s astounding! Leaving aside how they make money that way (franchise? it’s on national cable tv) – it still leaves me wondering about that commercial.

    Is the fellow they show us getting out of bed and escaping his “bad” wife, or his disposable hookup? The liquor bottle on the nightstand is the thing that strikes me as a clinker, since it either denotes a wife with which he still has SOME fun afterall, or else his bought-and-paid-for hookup was yet another ball and chain to escape from, in the end.

    The allure of such a service escapes me, but I’m just clueless, eh?

    680 chars

  21. mark said on September 18, 2009 at 12:54 pm

    On the KAL ads, my only guess is that it’s the same video used in Asia. The Asian airlines haven’t ditched the hot stewardess approach in favor of well-trained older men and matronly women. KAL has a pretty bad safety reputation and they may be counting on lust to overwhelm self-preservation. Of course, Singapore Air satifies both instincts. Why the ad is running so often here I have no idea.

    I have a real dread that health care is about to be pushed out of the news by foreign policy events.

    504 chars

  22. LAMary said on September 18, 2009 at 1:13 pm

    Our rabbinical chaplain sent out a message about the start of the Jewish holidays. I like this passage:

    “The Yomim Noraim (The Days of Awe) which begin tonight at sundown with the start of Rosh HaShanah and ends at the closing of Yom Kippur on Monday, September 28th, are a time of deep introspection on an individual as well as a communal level. (There is a Talmudic saying which states the “we are all responsible, one for the other.”) Jews ask themselves—where have I journeyed to arrive at this day; where and on what do I stand now; and where will I go from here? It is a time for Chesbon HaNefesh (an accounting/inventory of the soul).”

    Mark, you may love your own health insurance set up, but consider the idea that we are all responsible, one for the other.

    780 chars

  23. 4dbirds said on September 18, 2009 at 1:48 pm

    Reposting this comment I found on the Huffington Post.

    “So Raymond Clark, the obsessive lab technician will be spending the rest of his life in a little cage, in a building full of other little cages, each holding another little animal just like himself.
    This has got Twilight Zone written all over it.”

    If he’s found guilty of course.

    343 chars

  24. coozledad said on September 18, 2009 at 2:13 pm

    I’m beginning to think there are a number of animals who actually process some of the stuff you say to them, at least by reading your intonation. It appears it’s by individuals as opposed to species. By the same yardstick, there appear to be a few humans who can figure out what animals might be trying to coerce them into doing. There’s likely some common proto-language that consists of some squeaky noises that at least convey affection, or no intent to harm.
    Being surrounded by a variety of animals, I get the sense that they’ve developed a specific form of intelligence that compliments their physiology. Some of these animals have something that sort of resembles a human approach to learning. Others, like pigs, are viciously smart to begin with, and have uniquely elegant problem solving abilities. If they had opposing thumbs, they’d be eating us.

    858 chars

  25. mark said on September 18, 2009 at 2:14 pm

    Oh, Mary, I’ve considered the idea just as you have. We just reach different conclusions. I think the concept imposes a DUTY upon me to help those who need and want (if we are talking about competent adults) help. You think it creates a RIGHT in you to tell other people what to do so that (in your opinion) they won’t need or will be less likely to need help in the first place. You, I think, place very little value on that which I cherish: every person’s right to self-determination and self-direction.

    I don’t think you can climb high without the risk of a big fall or dream big without the risk of great disappointments. And I think every person gets to define for themselves what “high” and “big” mean. I like dreamers and risk-takers and non-conformists. I admire people who are bold and brave and optimistic and self-reliant.

    For you, just helping people isn’t enough because, darn it, without the benefit of your guidance they will just need help again. You get tired of simply picking people up when they fall down, or the task is too pedestrian or insufficiently grandiose for your talents. Better to figure out how to seat-belt everybody into a wheel-chair so they don’t ever fall, with exceptions for the important and benevolent people who make the rules, of course.

    So it’s not enough for you that I personally help people who need help or that I am willing that we collectively help people who need help through programs paid for with taxes. No, because there is a possibility that I will someday need help, you claim the right to impose your plans upon me to try to eliminate that possibility, making your desire for security a priority in my life.

    I’ve helped a few people with mortgage foreclosures. Some got into trouble because they were duped or foolish or naive. And I could dream up a mortgage that would better protect them if things go south, but the cost would be higher because the mortgage would be more costly for the lender to administer. But we could subsidize those mortgages with wealthy taxpayers so that the cost to the borrower doesn’t go up.

    And since there is an inexhaustable supply of wealthy taxpayers and no good way to know for certain if you or anybody else might be one of the foolish or easily duped, let’s rewrite your mortgage, too, just in case. Since you can afford the extra cost of the “mortgage for idiots” you get no subsidy. But I’ve done you a wonderful favor by protecting you from yourself, whether you want or need the protection. A little less money and a little less freedom is a small price for you to pay to allow me to be “responsible.”

    Edit- Mary, while I took personal offense to your comment, please consider the “you” in my response to be plural not singular, so that I may offend all equally. You’ve done nothing to be singled out for my comments.

    2854 chars

  26. brian stouder said on September 18, 2009 at 2:47 pm

    You get tired of sim­ply pick­ing peo­ple up when they fall down, or the task is too pedes­trian or insuf­fi­ciently grandiose for your tal­ents. Bet­ter to fig­ure out how to seat-belt every­body into a wheel-chair so they don’t ever fall

    well, if you (and by “you” I don’t mean YOU-you, but only dunderheads who think like you) would prefer, we could eliminate governmental theft and coercion altogether – which is all you (and again, by “you” I don’t mean, you know – you) think government actually does. Somalia leaps to mind, as an example of pure freedom from government. Or maybe the former Yugoslavia, a decade ago. The only problem is, how to rally people like ‘you’ to the cause? “Anarchists, Unite!” just doesn’t sound right, you know?

    768 chars

  27. mark said on September 18, 2009 at 2:54 pm

    Reductio ad absurdum is a poor excuse for argument, brian. The fact that I raise no objection to a government program for those who need help might suggest that I’m not an anarchist. But I’m sure you are right, total lawlessness is the only alternative to Obamacare or whatever it is you want government to do and the inevitable consequence of any successful objection based upon rights of self-determination. And as your post attempts to demonstrate, no reasoned argument for a line somewhere between.

    505 chars

  28. Danny said on September 18, 2009 at 2:56 pm

    I anticipate a response from mark to Brian along the lines of: “Brian, you suck. And I really mean YOU-you.”

    Bad spellers of the world, Untie!

    146 chars

  29. Danny said on September 18, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    Okay, that didn’t go how I thought it would. Let me reset this for you two.

    Mark, Brian called you a “dunderhead”

    Brian, “Reduc­tio ad absur­dum” is Latin for “absurd retard”

    Now fight you two. Cage match. Two go in, one comes out!!!

    247 chars

  30. 4dbirds said on September 18, 2009 at 3:00 pm

    Well I’m not Mary, but I must respond. Mark, people just want access to insurance. You seem to think that everyone starts out on a level playing field but they don’t. Why do you get to enjoy access to good health care but other Americans don’t. Even with health care reform, I’m sure you can continue to get a premium policy that will allow to you segregate yourself from the masses. Many Germans buy a private policy over and above their public plan so they can have private rooms and other perks.

    I don’t understand what your climb high statement was about. With true health care reform there will be more dreamers and risk takers because they can afford to venture off and do the things they want to do without fear of risking their families. Our businesses will be more competitive globally. I’ve worked since I was 13 years old. I’ve been self-reliant all my life. One can be for health care reform and be self sufficient.

    You suppose that those of us who care, think that all people need a nanny. What b…s… The challenge of running a free country with citizens as opposed to running a country as a business is there will always be a certain segment of the population who are not profitable. Some people need help during certain stages of their lives others for their entire lives. You keep mentioning ‘programs’ to help them out. I get a whiff of untouchability from your comments. Let’s put those people in a box to distinguish them from us. You don’t want to lumped in with them.

    Mark you use other people’s money every day of your life. If you take a mortgage deduction, you are using the money of renters. If you drive on a highway, you are using the money of people who don’t own a car. This goes on and on, we pay to live in a civilized society.

    The fact that you are whining about paying for access to health care for all Americans baffles me. Where were your fiscal complaints when we went to war or when our treasury was being raped by the last administration?

    2042 chars

  31. Sue said on September 18, 2009 at 3:01 pm

    Why did I not read about this from you folks first? It was two days ago!

    144 chars

  32. Carolyn said on September 18, 2009 at 3:03 pm

    Hey, Nance,
    About a certain newspaper: The gory details have not yet made it into the dead tree edition.

    105 chars

  33. coozledad said on September 18, 2009 at 3:06 pm

    I propose even more stringent methods of dividing up the pie according to talent, drive, and personal choice. Any wealth obtained may not be shared. People who have been so visited by grace as to achieve an earthly reward cannot, by law, pass it on to some unworthy little wastrel who will only dump it all on hookers and blow anyway. The sole function of the state should be to select the worthiest survivors of the war of all against all, and make absolutely certain they are set for hookers and blow till the end of their days, then confiscate the remains immediately upon their deaths, holding the reward in escrot for some other blameless, toiling worthy. And their asses are going to be working pretty hard, considering that they’ll be having to filter and boil their own water, and holding raffles to build a sidewalk from their sod house to the Metlife building, where they sell gambling chips to idiots.

    912 chars

  34. LAMary said on September 18, 2009 at 3:07 pm

    Goodness, Mark. I had no idea I was such an asshole.

    I know I’ve said it before, but I think healthcare is like education. We are all better off if it’s available to everyone.
    I personally help people too. I don’t make enough to help much financially, but my time and sometimes expertise and sometimes righteous indignation and persistence have all be given freely.

    It is fundamentally immoral to let people suffer or die because they are not insured or their insurance is inadequate or just crappy. We need to take care of each other, not just when we choose to, but when it’s needed.

    It’s great you can afford the health care arrangements you have. Not everyone who can’t has been imprudent or lazy. Life happens. Spouses lose jobs. Babies are born with serious health problems. Companies change benefits.
    Lots of companies purposely structure jobs to not provide benefits. People who are uninsured and cannot afford insurance don’t deserve to suffer when we have the resources to care for everyone, which we do.

    1029 chars

  35. mark said on September 18, 2009 at 3:30 pm


    You’re not an asshole. Maybe a bit condescending in the suggestion that I “consider” the possibility that I have a responsibility to others, that’s all.

    But, for you and 4d, I give. No matter how many times I say that I DON’T object to plans to increase health care access for those who lack it, and have for myself a bare bones catastrophic coverage plan, that lets me pay the first $5000 and 50% of the next $10,000 with pre-existing condition exclusions, that I like because it is what I can afford in order to take care of myself, any objection to Obamacare is met with “Why don’t you want the poor people to have the great care you are lucky enough to have?”

    So, I give. And 4d you are welcome to come with me tomorrow when I hope to finish cleaning the kitchen and bathroom of a bi-polar alcoholic with two large dogs who hasn’t thrown out anything since he moved in two years ago. You’ll get a “whiff” for sure.

    937 chars

  36. 4dbirds said on September 18, 2009 at 3:33 pm

    Ya you’re a real caring guy.

    Mark sounds as if you’d benefit from “Obamacare” and your current plan isn’t that great. So what is your arguement?

    150 chars

  37. brian stouder said on September 18, 2009 at 3:45 pm

    Reduc­tio ad absur­dum is a poor excuse for argu­ment, brian. The fact that I raise no objec­tion to a gov­ern­ment pro­gram for those who need help might sug­gest that I’m not an anar­chist.


    Recall that I was responding (in part) to this, from YOU-you:

    You get tired of sim­ply pick­ing peo­ple up when they fall down, or the task is too pedes­trian or insuf­fi­ciently grandiose for your tal­ents. Bet­ter to fig­ure out how to seat-belt every­body into a wheel-chair so they don’t ever fall, with excep­tions for the impor­tant and benev­o­lent peo­ple who make the rules, of course.

    And “you” made absurd reductions look so fun, I thought I’d try it; but as usual, you (as opposed to you-you) don’t think the rules YOU-you want to apply to the rest of us, should apply to you (or you-you).

    862 chars

  38. coozledad said on September 18, 2009 at 3:49 pm

    Tomorrow I’ve gotta go out and shake all my ho’s down for their ACORN money.

    76 chars

  39. alex said on September 18, 2009 at 4:25 pm


    Is that why a certain journalist (and I use the term loosely) has been walking the streets of Fort Wayne in a cheap-looking gold-colored suit with his resume in hand?

    179 chars

  40. Jeff Borden said on September 18, 2009 at 4:33 pm

    I still believe a public option or single payer health care system should be embraced by capitalists and conservatives because it would reduce the amount of money companies must spend on benefits for their employees. The savings could be passed along to employees in the form of higher pay, used for more research and development, to pay down debt, whatever.

    I also firmly believe there are many would-be entrepreneurs who will never act on a great idea because they are terrified of not having health insurance, so they let their dream die rather than roll the dice on the health of their families.

    Sometimes, I think conservatives are so wedded to the “government bad, private enterprise good” mantra that they dismiss worthy ideas out of hand. As a liberal, I have long supported the idea of “work fare” vs. “welfare.” I recognize the idea of public housing, as it was epitomized by the giant blocks of poverty we constructed in our cities, was a horrible, terrible, gawdawful idea. I hate what we have allowed our public schools to become, though I will not blame only the unions for the mess as my friends on the right tend to do.

    Why can’t conservatives of good conscious open up to the idea that a public option is good for the people, good for the country and, dammit, good for business?? Is it only because a Democratic president is pushing it?

    1362 chars

  41. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on September 18, 2009 at 4:43 pm

    Leaving for the weekend, but — look at the French health care system. They’ve got a very sensible mix of private and public that still gets everyone covered; they also have their own issues with “illegal aliens” and how to do coverage for that population, but that’s not going away for anyone.

    It does bear saying that we have access for everyone, and the fact that twenty years on we’re all agreed it is not cost-effective, fair, or just to simply offer emergency care to all comers doesn’t mean we didn’t try that. What i’m unconvinced by in most plans on the Congressional table is that the point was supposed to be 1st and foremost how to get coverage to the working poor (those missed by Medicaid/CHIP) and the uninsurable/pre-existing condition cohort, and 2ndly to control escalating costs while regulating how insurance companies can exclude, rescind, and control treatment plans. That 2nd category sounds like a borderline oxymoron, but i think it could be done. My lack of support for the bills on hand is that they spend the bulk of their provisions tinkering with autism & mental health coverage, dictating various treatment protocols, etc., and precious little shows how they’ll do 1 or 2 . . . other than “preventive care! preventive care!” which is a fig leaf for the 2nd issue that actually covers nothing. Preventive care, a marvelous idea, will only cost us money in the next decade or two. It’s worth doing, but doesn’t solve the putatively immediate issues — how do we get the working poor health care that’s better than emergency room treatment after the tumor’s grown large, and how do we manage costs & limit both profit-sucking and rent-seeking behavior in the health care industry (it isn’t just the insurance companies that drive the bills).

    Show me a plan that goes after those two areas, and i’ll put up with some other annoying features up to a point. So far, it’s all annoying features, that add up to looking like time-killing provisions until we get to single payer. If that’s the argument, then let’s just make it, instead of trying to put magenta lipstick on a rhinoceros of a health care reform bill.

    UPDATE/crossposting — i agree wholeheartedly with my fellow Jeff’s second para above. It’s a huge problem, but i think this is too big and complex a country to implement single-single payer nationwide; hence my interest in the French national system. I almost said “look at the French model” above, but that could be misinterpreted.

    2498 chars

  42. Jeff Borden said on September 18, 2009 at 4:51 pm

    If Sarah Palin were single and married Joe the Plumber and they had a daughter, I bet she’d be Carrie Prejean. Our favorite cosmetically enhanced beauty pageant winner for God had this to say at some meeting of conservatives yesterday:

    “Even though I didn’t win the crown that night,” said Prejean, while pausing to fight back tears, “I know that the Lord has so much of a bigger crown in heaven for me.”

    Isn’t this just a little hubristic? As an extremely unreligious guy today, but one who had 10 years of Catholic school, this seems like a sin of pride, but maybe I am wrong? Can a young woman who has barely begun life’s journey really be so sure that she will (a) not only wind up in heaven, but (b) get a really cool tiara as well??

    744 chars

  43. Sue said on September 18, 2009 at 4:58 pm

    Did she really say that, Jeff? With tears in her eyes and everything? Well, this little heathen believes her karma is going to run over her dogma. Sooner rather than later, I hope.

    183 chars

  44. 4dbirds said on September 18, 2009 at 5:03 pm

    Or realize that nobody in heaven would care about such things?

    62 chars

  45. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on September 18, 2009 at 5:07 pm

    It’s an expression. Rev. 2:10b, and 3:11. It’s not a bad way to look at a beauty pageant crown.

    But how come her 15 minutes are still going? Oh, right, 24 hour cable news. Sigh. Let me know if she’s still working counter at a food pantry in a couple of decades. Put Geraldo or Nancy on it.

    298 chars

  46. Sue said on September 18, 2009 at 5:09 pm

    The flocks of angels who know about subdued colors and classic styles will all be laughing at her behind her back, mocking her gaudy taste.
    Edit: MMJeff, we know that, even us ex-Catholics who were never big on Revelations. It’s still annoyingly smug and assumptive.

    269 chars

  47. coozledad said on September 18, 2009 at 5:14 pm

    It’s Christmas in heaven
    they’re rapturing the rubes
    especially the ones that have
    prosthetic plastic boobs
    It’s Christmas in heaven
    For Irving Kristol too,
    Don’t say “There goes the neighborhood”
    Cause You Know Who is, too.

    232 chars

  48. Sue said on September 18, 2009 at 5:18 pm

    Mmm, time to put in my Alison Krause CD:
    “As I went down in the river to pray
    Studying about that good old way
    And who shall wear the starry crown
    Good Lord, show me the way !”
    Perfect match of singer and material. She could sing with the angels, for sure.

    262 chars

  49. Danny said on September 18, 2009 at 5:33 pm

    Some of my favorite Paul Simon lyrics:

    And I dreamed I was dying
    I dreamed that my soul rose unexpectedly
    And looking back down at me
    Smiled reassuringly
    And I dreamed I was flying
    And high up above my eyes could clearly see
    The Statue of Liberty
    Sailing away to sea
    And I dreamed I was crying

    If you’ve never listened to the Concert in the Park, you should before you die.

    450 chars

  50. LAMary said on September 18, 2009 at 5:42 pm

    Danny, you know that song was written by Paul Simon to express his feelings about the Nixon Administration?

    107 chars

  51. LAMary said on September 18, 2009 at 5:44 pm

    Here’s the verse that precedes the one you cited:

    And I don’t know a soul who’s not been battered
    I don’t have a friend who feels at ease
    I don’t know a dream that’s not been shattered
    or driven to its knees
    but it’s all right, it’s all right
    for we lived so well so long
    Still, when I think of the
    road we’re traveling on
    I wonder what’s gone wrong
    I can’t help it, I wonder what’s gone wrong

    405 chars

  52. Jeff Borden said on September 18, 2009 at 5:49 pm

    There was a young woman out West,
    With silicone bags in her breasts.
    By slamming the gays,
    She drew right-wing hoorays,
    Now she’s certain of heavenly rest.

    159 chars

  53. coozledad said on September 18, 2009 at 5:57 pm

    And thus the first shots raked the bow in the inaugural Carrie Prejean Limerick competition. Remember folks, filthy wins it.

    124 chars

  54. coozledad said on September 18, 2009 at 6:16 pm

    Ain’t them old fornicators got spleen!
    Shouted sweet little Carrie Prejean.
    Sure, I got these enhanced
    And I posed without pants
    But I ain’t never married no Queen!

    168 chars

  55. Danny said on September 18, 2009 at 6:58 pm

    There once was a dummy named Derrick
    Who thought he could write a good limerick
    But try as he may, to support the cause gay
    It was apparent he was just a real prick.

    168 chars

  56. coozledad said on September 18, 2009 at 7:01 pm

    Scansion, Danny Boy, scansion.

    30 chars

  57. LAMary said on September 18, 2009 at 7:04 pm

    You’re an engineer, aren’t you Danny.

    37 chars

  58. mark said on September 18, 2009 at 7:09 pm

    Their ridicule of Limbaugh and Palin perfected,
    The progressives were nonethess dejected.
    For while they’d been distracted
    Discussing how a beauty queen reacted,
    Their president’s plans were rejected.

    204 chars

  59. alex said on September 18, 2009 at 8:03 pm

    There once was a wingnut named mark
    who try as he might couldn’t snark
    tho’ he tried for an eon
    from his old Plymouth Neon
    while he wanked himself off in the park

    166 chars

  60. coozledad said on September 18, 2009 at 8:35 pm

    Damn, Alex. That’s cinematic.

    29 chars

  61. Kirk said on September 18, 2009 at 9:30 pm

    Political verse without meter
    Leaves us wishing for something that’s sweeter
    If it can’t even rhyme
    It’s just wasting our time
    And we might as well pick at our peter

    169 chars

  62. Danny said on September 18, 2009 at 9:41 pm

    When iambic pentameter attacks. News at 11…

    45 chars

  63. brian stouder said on September 18, 2009 at 9:43 pm

    Well, for the beauty pageant woman:

    There once was a woman named Prejean
    Who looked like a Barbie doll’s dream
    But Trump’s folks at Miss Universe
    Rued the day they were struck by the curse
    of mistaking a rube for a queen.

    And as for national politics:

    Their love for Limbaugh and Palin perfected,
    wingnuts soon drowned in their own invective;
    ‘deathers’, ‘birthers’, ‘tenthers’, ‘teabaggers’
    strutting for FoxNews with guns and daggers –
    leaves their party no chance to be elected

    500 chars

  64. Kirk said on September 18, 2009 at 10:26 pm

    As I was sayin’ . . .

    21 chars

  65. brian stouder said on September 18, 2009 at 10:35 pm

    But….but…I’ll go blind!!

    28 chars

  66. coozledad said on September 18, 2009 at 10:40 pm

    The contestant from North Carolina

    whispered “Who is that vagina?

    Is she the same douche

    who thinks “ferme ta bouche”

    is French for “where is the diner? ”

    I know, I know. But somehow I thought I could make that rhyme pay off.

    243 chars

  67. Kirk said on September 18, 2009 at 10:53 pm

    Close enough.

    13 chars

  68. crinoidgirl said on September 18, 2009 at 10:56 pm

    There once was a girl from Nantucket…

    39 chars

  69. coozledad said on September 18, 2009 at 11:08 pm

    I guess it’s time for the sous chef to step up:

    119 chars

  70. Catherine said on September 19, 2009 at 12:45 am

    Dick Cook is one of the good guys, and the last on the exec team who started out bumping chairs at Disneyland. It’s a loss. Shareholder value, blah blah blah.

    159 chars

  71. Connie said on September 19, 2009 at 1:17 am

    It was actually a man in Nantucket
    He kept all his cash in a bucket
    His daughter named Nann ran off with a man
    And as for the bucket, Nann tuck et.

    150 chars

  72. Dave K. said on September 19, 2009 at 8:38 am

    I believe alex @59 wins it, with coozledad @54 a close second.

    Off topic, but a flashback from the ol’ rugby days that won’t go away.

    A lesbian lass named Orcini,

    (as she handed her friend a martini)

    Suggestively said, “Let’s have pasta in bed”

    Which of course meant cunnilinguini.

    (Not that there’s anything wrong with that)

    343 chars

  73. basset said on September 19, 2009 at 9:42 am

    and one more…

    There once was a builder named Howell

    Who had a prodigious bowel

    He built him a building

    Of brickwork and gilding

    With – what do you think? on his trowel

    184 chars

  74. ROgirl said on September 19, 2009 at 9:49 am

    There once was a blowhard named Limbaugh

    Who made what some folks think a faux pas

    He scored many pills

    And paid his high bills

    But he nevertheless blamed Obama

    173 chars

  75. brian stouder said on September 19, 2009 at 10:52 am

    Hah!! You go, ROgirl!

    21 chars

  76. ROgirl said on September 19, 2009 at 10:57 am

    There once was a man from the south

    Who caused a big stir with his mouth

    He shouted two words

    With timing absurd

    Soon others were crying, “You louse!”

    162 chars

  77. MaryRC said on September 19, 2009 at 12:43 pm

    Sue, Judge Land’s initial decision against Orly was a beautiful piece of prose but it gets better. Orly has filed a motion to stay her client’s deployment to Iraq, her client is backing away from Orly as fast as she can (and is deploying) and Judge Land has written another decision informing Orly that she has 14 days to show cause why she shouldn’t be fined 10 grand for filing frivolous motions. You can follow the saga at the Washington Independent.

    If anything can get through to Orly, being forced to shell out hard cash should. Unless of course she can get another 10 grand from those poor boobs who still support her.

    687 chars

  78. moe99 said on September 19, 2009 at 2:02 pm

    Arrgh you scurvy dogs, and Avast ye mateys! Tis Talk Like a Pirate Day today!!!!


    130 chars

  79. LA Mary said on September 19, 2009 at 4:07 pm

    Avast behind!

    13 chars

  80. basset said on September 19, 2009 at 6:38 pm

    Orly… anyone else remember the old Guess Who song by that name?

    “Well, if you ever been to Paris and you ever missed a plane…”

    believe that one was on either “Road Food” or “#10,” the latter being one of two great ’70s albums which really should be on cd… along with Bob Seger’s “Back in ’72.”

    305 chars

  81. Joe Kobiela said on September 19, 2009 at 7:34 pm

    There once was a man from Boston.
    Who drove a little red Austin.
    He had room for his ass,
    and a gallon of gas,
    but his balls hung out,
    and he lost them.
    Pilot Joe

    168 chars

  82. MarkH said on September 20, 2009 at 5:49 pm

    FWIW — “A Face In The Crowd” with Andy Griffith as Lonesome Rhodes is on TCM right now (for you non-footballers). Worth a look.

    130 chars

  83. basset said on September 20, 2009 at 10:15 pm

    That old Andy Griffith routine, “What It Was, Was Football” shows up on the Sirius “Blue Collar Comedy” channel now and then… Mrs. Basset had never heard it till recently and quite enjoyed it.

    My default Sirius channel is “Deep Tracks”… followed closely by “Willie’s Place,” with bluegrass, Raw Dog comedy, and Blue Collar comedy not far behind.

    The liberal talk channel… well, not so much, in fact not at all. Left-wing talk is just as tiresome as right-wing, even if I do agree with ’em most of the time.

    518 chars

  84. Dexter said on September 21, 2009 at 1:27 am

    We had a wonderful weekend in Columbus and as always the best part was playing with daughter’s pets. Ellie Mae the Aussie long hair sheep dog, also her cattle dog, the Blue Heeler, and her two cats Simba and Colonel C.J. Whiskers. Our Jack Russell is plum-tuckered.
    One of the worst roads I had ever experienced was Roberts Road , an exit off the western part of the Columbus big circle, I-270. For years on end it’s been impossible to navigate safely and with any speed at all…potholes, unmarked totally…like a third world country lane.
    Imagine my surprise to see it is now finally done…4 lanes, synched lights, turn lanes and ever’ thang! It seems like it took ten years to complete it.
    I started driving there regularly in 1995 and shortly after that they started the project.

    791 chars

  85. beb said on September 21, 2009 at 7:27 am

    Our local sports team lost for the *19th* time in a row. I’m not much of a sports fan but I’m hoping it sets a new record, two complete seasons without a win.

    158 chars

  86. Joe Kobiela said on September 21, 2009 at 8:07 am

    Why would you like to see the lions lose all their games for two years in a row?
    I thought liberals were suppose to show compassion for the underdog. I think we pay way to much attention on the hero worship in sports on a national level, but I did play football in high school and college,and then Rugby for 18yrs and to hope that a team does not win for two years is just cruel. The players on that team are playing their asses off and you hope they fail. Gee the last time I heard someone say they wanted someone to fail, you liberals about lost control of your self’s. Perhaps you should support the Lions, if they win it may help The feeling of people in Detroit.
    Pilot Joe

    686 chars

  87. beb said on September 21, 2009 at 11:54 am

    Because, Joe, if you’re going to suck, you may was well set some kind of record for suckiness.

    Also, because, I really hate football.

    And also because in the 30 year’s I’ve lived in Detriot, the Lions have sucked. If these guys are playing their hearts out, maybe they shouldn’t be playing football.

    306 chars

  88. MarkH said on September 21, 2009 at 7:58 pm

    And, as the great philosopher, Curly Howard, said, “you just keep on suckin’ until you succeed!”

    96 chars