Adults like to fret.

This swill known as Four Loko is the latest thing that will destroy the youth of America. An “energy drink” spiked with alcohol, my very own state was the first in the country to ban it outright, and was swiftly followed by others. This USA Today story is typical of the journalism surrounding the drink:

Mixing a stimulant like caffeine with a depressant like alcohol can be a deadly combination.

People who combine the two may mistakenly believe they are more in control, as caffeine can diminish only the perception of being drunk, not the actual impairment. This sober feeling can also lead to binge drinking.

“People have multiples in one night and now they’re wired and wasted,” Tabatha Haskins says while walking on the Rutgers-Camden campus. “It’s kind of scary.”

Yes, it is kind of scary. It’s exactly the feeling I get after three Irish coffees.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t Red Bull and vodka the sub-25 cocktail of choice? Isn’t this the same thing? And if Mitch Albom thinks it’s wrong — and he does — isn’t that prima facie evidence that this is the latest thing for adults to fret over and lecture about? Let’s see just what Mitch has to say:

A yellow or purple can with kiwi or grape flavoring that also promises to — and this is critical — keep you awake is a dangerously tempting product.

That settles it. If Mitch calls it dangerously tempting, I’m in.

I’m so old — how old are you? — I’m so old that I remember a time when, if a caffeinated alcoholic drink were all the rage, a city editor would look out over his bullpen and choose a young, dumb rookie, maybe an intern, peel a double sawbuck off the wad in his pocket, and send the kid out with a photographer to score a couple of these things, consume them, and then write a story about it.

“Crack this miracle and bring me back the pieces,” he might say, at least if James Thurber were writing the dialogue for this scene. (As always when I use that line — from Thurber’s essay on his first city editor, Gus Kuehner — I Google it to see if the essay it came from, long out of print, is available online anywhere. It isn’t. In fact, every citation of “crack this miracle and bring me back the pieces” takes you to this blog. Which makes me wonder if I’m remembering it correctly.)

Fortunately, all the decent editors aren’t dead. One works for the New York Observer, who commissioned a Four Loko piece that actually requires boots on the ground, not just a baby boomer with an opinion and a bad memory. Story’s here. My favorite passage:

“Get our Loko on!” said one man near the doorway. “Let’s fuck shit up! I’m ready to ride a mechanical bull motherfucker!”

I see a marketing campaign: Four Loko — the best friend the mechanical bull ever had.

By the way, have you ever had an energy drink? I consumed half a Monster once. That’s how worried I was about this alleged rocket fuel — I only drank half. Verdict: Tasted awful, and the promised energy did not arrive. I’ll stick to treble espressos. In fact, I ordered one last night. The clerk in Caribou actually tsked me.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

Do I have a big, stupid face? Is there something about it that tells people I am incapable of making decisions for myself? (Don’t answer that.) The second time this week I’ve been disrespected by a service worker. I could feel the glower building like a headache.

“No, on second thought, make it quadruple.” And I drank it down, and it barely kept me up until midnight. It could have used a shot of something.

OK, then. Any bloggage? Some, I guess:

Get ready for 2012: How the tea party is gaming “Dancing With the Stars.” I wouldn’t watch this show for $50 an hour, but the clips I’ve seen online reveal that young Miss Palin dances about as well as I do, and furthermore, is taking out her frustration at the judges by eating all the red velvet cupcakes in the green room. (Size isn’t a valid basis for judging any dancer — Jackie Gleason was famously light on his feet — but in a dance competition featuring hours of practice a day, you expect contestants to lose weight over the course of a season, and she’s definitely going in the opposite direction.)

Brown is the new black, orange is the new brown and pie is the new cupcake. Allegedly. I personally believe black will always be black, and for a damn good reason.

One of my favorite things about living in Detroit: Concept cars. Equal parts busywork for designers and fanciful flights to ensure the companies have something to reveal at car shows, every so often something amusing turns up. Today, the Cadillac subcompact.

Off to the shower. Have a good day, all.

Posted at 9:50 am in Detroit life, Popculch |
 

65 responses to “Adults like to fret.”

  1. adrianne said on November 17, 2010 at 10:09 am

    The NYO story was about all that has to be said on the Four Loko subject. Our ubiquitous U.S. senator, Chuck Schumer, who isn’t afraid to weigh in on any topic, no matter how local (he once was photographed by our paper next to a local pond decrying the Canada Goose shit problem) led the charge to ban Four Loko, ban it, I say!

  2. Jeff Borden said on November 17, 2010 at 10:13 am

    I’ve never seen a moment of “DWTS” and don’t intend to start, but the whole teabagger effort to keep the revirginized Bristol in the competition is funny in a pathetic sort of way. Who but the saddest of losers would spend hours at a computer creating phony e-mail addresses to support the vacuous daughter of a political figure they admire? These folks make fantasy football fanatics look good.

    Meanwhile, the Republicans in Alaska are apparently much brighter than your average teabagger in the Lower 48. SheWho finishes third behind Mitt and Huck in presidential preferences in her own state. Oh, boo hoo. It must be the work of the lamestream media.

  3. Connie said on November 17, 2010 at 10:13 am

    I thought it was Red Bull and Jaegermeister. (sp?) My kid’s last roommate’s boyfriend was a marketing rep for Red Bull and he was even handing out small sample bottles of Jaegermeister. We ended up with one, and laughed as neither of us has ever had a Red Bull.

  4. John said on November 17, 2010 at 10:27 am

    red vel­vet cup­cakes in the green room

    Out of the freaking park today!!!

  5. Rana said on November 17, 2010 at 11:10 am

    The essay’s at the New Yorker: http://archives.newyorker.com/?i=1952-01-05#folio=020

    The original quotation is “I seem to remember that you cover Heaven for us. Get up there and crack that miracle and bring me back the pieces.” (p. 23)
    The full context was public fascination with a “ghostly wreath” that was apparently appearing in a woman’s window.

  6. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on November 17, 2010 at 11:15 am

    Why would you mix anything with Jagermeister? Just keep the green bottle in the freezer, and all shall be well.

  7. Judybusy said on November 17, 2010 at 11:16 am

    Well, hell, if I’d known I could vote multiple times (as the TPers allege we Demos do ALL THE TIME) I would have told all my friends and we wouldn’t be in the middle of a recount for gov here in Minnesota.

    What stinks is that the Democrat, Mark Dayton, is likely to win, but Republican Pawlenty will remain in office until the recount is completed. He will have great influence in the budget process. He will also be able to decline participation in the Medicaid expansion (which will deny the state mucho dollars from the Feds) as Pick-me-for-Prez posturing. Thus far, he’s refused any participation, even a study to determine its effects, of the health care reform bill.

  8. prospero said on November 17, 2010 at 11:22 am

    The effects of caffeine are spectacularly overrated. I’ve been drinking coffee, strong, hot and without additives since I was about five. Fifty-four years ago, and that’s how old I am. Family vacations with four of us boys in two seatbelts in the back seat of the ’63 Tbird convertible, going to those wonderful breakfast places in the middle of the interstates where coffee was served in carafes.

    Concerned waitresses looked at my parents as if they were Albert DeSalvo and Lizzy Borden when I slurped coffee. Admonished frequently: It’ll stunt your growth. Well I’m a hair over 6-1 (still, though, at my age, I expect to start shrinking any day now). I am left to wonder, might I have been 6-7 or something, with my same hoops skills? Not Larry, for sure, but Adrian Dantley?

    Energy drinks taste like something Severus Snape would make you drink, and damn the transmogrifying consequences. We buy 100% Kona and Blue Mountain and Sumatra coffee that tastes better than far more expensive wine. And, I’d say, really good coffee really does perk you up. Like anything that tastes really good. I never much got the chemical effect, but I’ve also taken Demerol for skiing and other sport-related injuries. The nausea was real, the pain relief, nada.

    Four Loko is diguised as grape Nehi? Who did these dumbasses pay to take their SATs? Cam Newton’s dad? If you have a fake ID, you can put some Jack in your french press. What sort of idiot ingests foul crap like this and stays home in droves on election day, because the Hunter Thompson wannabe Matt Taibbi (who is so brazen is his outright ignorance of political and economic reality he must be drinking Four Loko) told them Obama’s just another Republican?

    Four flavors: Grape, Fruit Punch, Orange Blend, Watermelon, Blue Raspberry, Lemon Lime, Lemonade, and Cranberry Lemonade. Yuck. We prefer sour mash.

  9. Judybusy said on November 17, 2010 at 11:23 am

    And there’s this very nice follow-up to the Palin DWTS story.

  10. coozledad said on November 17, 2010 at 11:26 am

    The Cadillac subcompact looks like a good candidate for riding around juiced on Red bull and Vladimir, but you have to wonder which trajectory the body would take as it shot out of the vehicle. It must have a mattress instead of seats.
    Speaking of adults fretting, most of the campaign season palaver around here was focused on how drugs and gangs are keeping businesses from locating in Person County. I would consider a brief run for political office here, despite my own history of mixing caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, THC, benzodiazapenes, D-amphetamine, MDA, and LSD, just to be able to attend one forum, go to the podium and say “Durham and Orange counties are full of jobs. Businesses are busting their ass to locate there. And they’re both full of gangs and drugs. In fact, once when my wife and I were leaving a nice restaurant, two cop cars sandwiched a car near the entrance and two rather fat policemen pried themselves out of the car and drew their revolvers. I did not notice this was happening until it was nearly over because I was all liquored up, and my wife had to drag me to cover.
    Where was I? Oh yeah. Why can’t Person County have IBM or Cisco or even a goddamn Krispy Kreme? Because of the pea-soup thickness of the lot of you. You’re willfully, obnoxiously, stupid. And that “High School” you’ve got is nothing more than a warehouse for kids who will move to Durham and Orange counties to take up the slack for declining gang membership, or clutter the secondary roads with mopeds.
    And I’m wasting my time telling you this because you’re going to go home and tell yourself the reason you can’t write a sentence or remember the name of the Vice President, is drugs and gangs.
    I would appreciate your vote, if I didn’t plan to leave this place and go barricade myself in my house.
    Thank you, and go to hell.”

  11. LAMary said on November 17, 2010 at 11:26 am

    I got very drunk on Irish Coffee once it was a terrible thing. I desperately wanted to pass out but couldn’t. I still shudder recalling that feeling.

    Bristol Palin will probably win DWTS unless ABC does something to control repeat voting. How ridiculous that a dancing show has been politicized. Who has the time to sit for hours voting over and over for a very ordinary teenager with no discernable talent or personality. I’ve admitted I watch the show with my offspring. Last night they called it before it started saying Bristol would stay and one of the black contestants, probably Brandy, would be booted off. All season any negative comment from a judge about Bristol’s “dancing” has elicited boos from some of the audience so it’s hardly a surprise she’s in line to beat people who actually can dance well. Her partner deserves some credit for hauling her around the floor most of the time.

  12. LAMary said on November 17, 2010 at 11:40 am

    Judybusy, that is a very nice follow up. It makes perfect sense.

  13. Bill White said on November 17, 2010 at 11:49 am

    Sorry to be off-topic, but am I the only person for whom every post and comment is hyphenated? It first appeared a few days ago, and since comments were also fully hyphenated I thought it was an elaborate in-joke. But the rss feed looks normal. Here’s a screenshot of what I’m seeing: http://members.wolfram.com/billw/images/hyphenation.png

  14. nancy said on November 17, 2010 at 11:51 am

    Bill,

    This may be related to a plug-in designed to fool spammers in their link-dumping. I’ll tell J.C. Thanks for the heads-up.

  15. prospero said on November 17, 2010 at 11:57 am

    Say it ain’t so, Cooz. Fat policemen? C’mon. Thats a librul slur.

    You can’t avoid hearing about Dancing if you’re a sentient Amurrcan not loaded and comatose on Four Loko. If somebody thinks Bristol is a better dancer than Jennifer Gray, I’ve got a deranged Cleveland truck driver that’s going to use an acetylene torch to take down the Brooklyn Bridge to sell that idiot. Forget that PDB about Osama and planes and buildings shit, it’s falling off a mountain bike time in Crawford, and tomorrow we get to pitch headlong off a Segway, and we have the pizza delivery at Ft. Hood to deal with.

    Still, all in all, Bristol Palin has one thing going for her. She isn’t the rode hard put up wet wet-dream of racists and militia types, so I’d give her a break. She reminds me of an Osmond. And, I feel sorry for her for having such flaming asshole bigots and professional ignoramuses for parents. She actually might be a decent kid. Child Services should step in.

    Never tried Prince Valium, D-amphetamine or MDA.

  16. paddyo' said on November 17, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    Gee-Bill-I-kind-of-like-the-way-the-hy-phen-a-tion-helps-with-syl-la-bic-em-pha-sis-as-I-read-the-com-ments.

    Hell of a stump speech, Cooz. I’d vote for you.

    And hell of a testament to quality java, Prospero. I, too, get whatever kick is necessary from hot, dark, uncreamed brew — a daily cafe Americano.

    My ex- drives with a bumpersticker in back that reads: “Coffee NOW, dammit”
    A good motto . . .

    P.S. — I actually read somewhere (or heard, I dunno anymore, too much talkin’-at-me from all these InterWebNets) that Bristol P. ain’t so enamored of the show and supposedly has wanted off for a while now, but those darned Mamma-Grizz-lovin’ voters just won’t let her. But if that’s true, you’d think she would just take an intentional spill on the dance floor, really just blow it, no?

  17. Dorothy said on November 17, 2010 at 12:12 pm

    It must be the week to Disrespect Women Born in 1957. On Saturday I returned a pair of khaki slacks I had ordered online at JC Penney. The corduroys I ordered fit, but the khakis were too snug. (they were the same size) I told the cashier in the catalog department why I was returning them and without batting an eye she looked at me and said “Ooooh someone’s going on a diet now, isn’t she?!” I did not smile but did inquire about some luggage that was near the cash register. I had bought two pieces of the same style earlier this year, and she told me it was on sale half price, and if I got a piece today and used my Penney’s charge, she would let me use a coupon to get an extra 30% off. Well I gladly accepted the discount and bought a garment bag, and she asked if I’d mind going online and filling out the survey about my transaction with her. “Of course I will!” I said – I’d never done that before despite being asked many times to do so. I did NOT mention her giving me the 30% discount but I sure as shit told them how rude she was to suggest I go on a diet.

    Whether I should go on a diet or not is not the subject. It was her assumption that I would come to the same conclusion as she would that got her in trouble with me.

  18. brian stouder said on November 17, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    You know, the truth is – I am becoming an old fool (which I suppose is marginally worse than being a young one). I fell for DWTS this year, lock stock and barrel (or Len, Carrie Ann, & Bruno). Brandy looks like a Disney Princess, and dances like clouds in the sky. Bristol really does look like the girl next door, who really doesn’t have any particular talent, and yet she does a credible job, under immense pressure week after week. That used to be an attractive spectacle, to me.

    But when Brandy was cut last night, and she wept, it all just sort of winked out for me.

    That show is (and continues to be) whatever it is, but the when they whacked Cinderella the spell was broken.

  19. Jolene said on November 17, 2010 at 12:26 pm

    I’ve wondered, too, paddyo’, what Bristol thinks about all this. As Brian has said, I kind of admire her for giving it her best shot, but she doesn’t appear to be having a lot of fun. The whole thing is a manifestation of the American disease of thinking that you are important (or beautiful or talented) if you are on TV. Would be nice if the world worked the other way around–that the people on TV are there because they’re important because of what they’ve done. More evidence of my creeping crankiness, I guess.

  20. mark said on November 17, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    Nancy, good to see your inner Libertarian surfacing.

    As for Palin and DWTS and the comments here, I’ve never seen the show. I gather her mother’s supporters are stuffing the ballot box. That’s interesting I guess. It will remain a man’s world so long as it is readily acceptable to comment on a woman’s weight and sexual history as irrelevant but nasty asides to the point being made. And is it really any more “vacuous” to do whatever is required to vote for her repeatedly than to repeatedly post about her being re-virginized or some other nastiness du jour? I’ll bet the time required is about the same.

    The girl ain’t her mom. It’s a stretch to put the gratuitous pettiness under the umbrella of political discourse. I wonder if Nancy Pelosi has any ugly children? It’s always ok to make fun of ugly people, particularly if you can fantasize that doing so causes a political opponent personal anguish.

  21. Julie Robinson said on November 17, 2010 at 12:48 pm

    Caffeine warriors, I bow in awe. An early college experiment with No-Doze left me too jittery and shaky to ever consider an energy drink.

    Since I love music, theatre and dance, I will fess up to watching DWTS. Recording it allows me to buzz through all the blah-blah-blah. I’ve never voted so the email scam was a revelation, but as lousy as Bristol is it does explain how she’s stayed on. The only thing she has perfected is the vacant stare. I seem to remember that the judges choose the actual winner the last night.

    Dorothy you kept your cool admirably. I’m pretty sure I would have asked for the manager had I been treated that poorly.

  22. ROgirl said on November 17, 2010 at 12:49 pm

    This isn’t the first reality show where the voting was unfair and a contestant got cut who was better than someone who continued in the competition. Maybe $P’s teabaggin’ fans are trying to make up for mamma not making it to one heartbeat away from that big disco ball in Washington.

  23. beb said on November 17, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    Cooze, add “…and the Rent is Too Damn High!” and you’ll have a winning stump speech.

  24. LAMary said on November 17, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    Mark I think the difference is Nancy Pelosi, if she has kids, has not marketed them.
    Bristol’s mom has kept her and the grandkid and the kid’s father on the covers of magazines for as long as Sarah’s been a national presence. The paparazzi aren’t taking those photos. They’re studio shots. Bristol makes a living being Sarah Palin’s knocked up daughter who can now add Sarah Palin’s knocked up daughter who can sort of dance to her resume. No one is intruding on her privacy because it’s all out there courtesy of her mom’s need for constant attention. Now we have some lame dancing show being used as a political tool by the same people who think Palin is brilliant, and SP and family have their own reality show… the whole clan. Out in Alaska bein’ free, making a lot of money, being special because they’re on TV.

  25. mark said on November 17, 2010 at 1:20 pm

    Sure, Mary. You should write a treatise on identifying the women (or men) who should be ridiculed for their weight, looks, teen pregnancy, etc., because they deserve it, and those who should not, so we can instruct the young people on how to behave as they become adults. The Golden Rule is easier to remember, but some of the people who deserve to be made fun of get off too easy with that one.

    And I didn’t say or suggest that anyone is intruding on Palin’s privacy. What I’m suggesting is that some people can’t get their day started without directing a vulgarity at the people they don’t like.

  26. Catherine said on November 17, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    Black will always be black, thankfully, but I would SO try that cherpumple: “Three pies (cherry, pumpkin, apple) baked inside three cake layers, all terrifyingly stacked together with cream cheese frosting.”

  27. Jolene said on November 17, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    Nancy, are you and your colleagues at GPT planning to enter the Knight News Challenge? Still two more weeks to apply.

  28. Julie Robinson said on November 17, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    Mark, I don’t recall The Golden Rule being in use during Chelsea Clinton’s time as First Daughter, despite her parents many attempts to keep her out of the spotlight. There were many vicious attacks on her centering completely on her appearance. You cannot in any way compare that to Bristol Palin.

  29. mark said on November 17, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    No, Julie, I didn’t make that comparison and I wouldn’t. And your point is…? Since some people treated Chelsea horribly, it’s ok to treat B Palin somewhat less horribly? Since some (undoubtedly Republican/conservative) people were horribly nasty to Chelsea, you are obligated or privileged to get even by picking on the kid of a republican you don’t like? Or that making a lttle fun of her looks is less inappropriate than making a lot of fun of Chelsea? What lesson do you think should be taught from the mistreatment of Chelsea?

    And women wonder why their looks, weight, hair, sexual history, etc is so readily and casually judged even in contexts where it is irrelevant.

    Rationalization is sometimes defined as the process of applying socially acceptable justifications to socially unacceptable behavior. I think you are rationalizing.

  30. Bob (not Greene) said on November 17, 2010 at 1:52 pm

    Wow, initially, I thought Brian Stouder was in big trouble.

  31. LAMary said on November 17, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    Mark, my point is if you are going to shove your kid out there to dance, expect some comments about the kids appearance and dancing skills. If you’re going to put your kid on the covers of magazines, expect comments about how they look. Sarah Palin has no qualms about hustling the entire family for her own purposes, monetary and political. It’s disgusting. Politics and trashy reality shows are fusing into one bad circus.

  32. moe99 said on November 17, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    Julie and LAMary: word.

  33. Dexter said on November 17, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    Well, nance, journalism is alive and well, I guess, on The Ron and Fez Show, XM202. Yesterday Ron sent his intern and producer out to get some Four Lokos, after clearing it with his bosses, because the intern is just 19. Fez is about 46 and Pepper Hicks the producer is about 29. Ron abstains.
    They sipped and chugged all the flavors, compared and commented. Fez spit his out immediately but the younger fellas kept at it. They concluded it tasted bad, except for the lemonade, which they liked.
    Today Ron was getting on Pepper’s case because apparently Pepper was being a tad belligerent at the after-show meeting with some of the suits. This seems to be the end result, the desired effect.

    I have never had an energy drink. I heard of Red Bull, and I assumed incorrectly it had alcohol in it. When I learned otherwise, I assumed it had ephedrine in it, which I tried before as an appetite suppressant and hated. I never had interest in any energy drink.
    When I was a raging, out of control drinker of alcohol, coffee would set my heart to racing and leave me feeling sick.
    When I quit booze 17 + years ago I noticed coffee was working for me wonderfully. I do believe I have drunk coffee every day since I quit booze.
    I measure to the “9 cups” marker and use 6 scoops of fresh ground beans for each pot. I drink this pot of java every day before I do a damned thing.

  34. Julie Robinson said on November 17, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    Mark, I have said only that Bristol is a lousy dancer with a vacant stare, nothing more. My point is to be consistent. If it’s okay to poke fun at one politician’s daughter, then why not the next, irregardless of party?

    Given Sarah Palin’s vacuous answers to such simple questions as which publications she reads, I have a hard time believing her success is due to anything beyond her looks and packaging.

  35. Dexter said on November 17, 2010 at 2:32 pm

    Oh, I know, I am an old grumpy-pants grampa who tells his wife what a waste of time, what a ridiculous show this Dancing With the Stars is…why don’t people be more like me and spend time on worthwhile pursuits? You see, I was watching Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland On-Demand.

  36. A.Riley said on November 17, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    Doesn’t anyone else think the little Cadillac is kinda cute?

  37. brian stouder said on November 17, 2010 at 2:47 pm

    Bob (not Greene) – what a story! Anyway – I’d have pitched the TV out onto the curb Tuesday night, when Brandy cried, but not Monday night, when they all danced.

    Or, maybe on Sunday, when Sebastien Vettel defeated Fernando Alonso (et al) in Abu Dhabi (but, we digress!)

    edit – A. Riley; not so much cute, as peculiar. It looks like a lift that an insecure man would install in his shoes

  38. Jeff Borden said on November 17, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    I take Mark at his word. It is certainly not the fault of Bristol Palin that her mother’s fanatical following seeks to assure her a spot in the finals of a dance contest. And it is rather uncharitable to comment on her weight gain, though I believe Nancy was merely noting the generally lean look of dancers, who are in constant motion as they practice for performances. (I covered the not-for-profit and for-profit arts groups as businesses in Chicago for more than 11 years. The dancers tended to be very, very slim and fit, though many I met smoked heavily.)

    However, I believe the comments about SheWho exploiting her family for fame, power and money are right on the money. John McCain gave her an entry point and she has been grabbing with both hands ever since, which is why I honestly believe she will not seek political office again. Even one so deluded by her own sense of rectitude can read polls showing how toxic she is to the large majority of Americans. Plus, if SheWho has demonstrated anything since fall 2008, it’s an aversion to hard work. Her role at Fox is perfect: she shows up, blabs a few minutes, cashes a check. Her latest book is simply a collection of stories that have “moved” her or “inspired” her. The TV series is a piece of cake. There’s no dialogue to memorize.

    I’d rather see the Palins as powers in Hollywood than Washington. SheWho will do a lot less damage.

  39. prospero said on November 17, 2010 at 2:58 pm

    Julie, Rush announced he had a photo of “the new White House Dog” and showed a picture of Chelsea Clinton. First off, he deserves a beating. Somebody here gave me a hard time about calling Christine O’Donnell a chubette. Her freaking campaign was all about how “cute” she is. No she isn’t, she’s a racist homophope ninny. And Rush’s insinuating another human being is unattractive? Is that oleaginous Jabba impersonator kidding?

    There is no such thing as conservative commentary on Mama Grizzly that doesn’t drool over how she’s supposedly so attractive. If they make this an issue instead of banning books, the bridge, Alaskan welfare statism, and just being mind-numbingly obtuse, illiterate and proud of it, tough shit. I think if it’s not for air-brushing and soft lighting, she has nice legs and otherwise looks rode hard and put up wet, like she’s been around the block more than a time or two. Is that unfair? Boo-hoo, but it seems to be the sum and substance of her political career. The kid might be able to dance, I’ll sure never know. But I do know, she’s probably a decent kid that not deserve such an asshole pirhana for a mom.

    Aside from that, this might be stunning if quintessential Republicans weren’t such unreconstructed piggy, pig, pigs.

    Is this POShite kidding, and given the rampant mendacity and hypocrisy, how does anybody vote for a Republican? This ahole is a poster child. Questions abound. Is it possible to be this fucking stupid and still breathe? Is this the exposed face of a heartless political party that is populated by a bunch of gutless weenies that worry about themselves instead of commonweal? There, in essence, is the difference between the dominant parties.

    (Naderites and Greens don’t seem to have anything in mind other than obnoxious self-obsession, imagined high roads, and gazing into their own omphaloses. Oh, and repeatedly getting Republicans elected. Grow up, smell the free-range coffee, confront reality head-on, and cut out the progressiver-than-thou horsecrap. I feel qualified to express this opinion as a veteran of Grant Park.)

  40. prospero said on November 17, 2010 at 3:06 pm

    If Gary Cooper playing John Doe were a selfish, self-aggrandizing harridan instead of somebody imbued with morals and common human decency, that might be Ms. Palin. She is a lot like that odious character Andy Griffith played in A Face In the Crowd. In fact, now that I think of it, that is her exactly.

  41. Jeff Borden said on November 17, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    I think you’ve defined her character perfectly, Prospero. And Rush? He’s a cracker, pure and simple. Wonkette posted something from his website, showing a caricature of Obama sprayed like graffiti on Mount Rushmore. You know, our Harvard educated law professor is really just a gangsta, one of those thugs in a hoodie defacing a national monument. He’s below contempt. His raging popularity says a lot about us as a nation and none of it is good.

  42. Courtney said on November 17, 2010 at 3:44 pm

    A baby boomer with an opinion and a bad memory…best.summary.ever of Mitch Albom – I haven’t been able to stand him for years, now and this is exactly why. Great post, as always.

  43. prospero said on November 17, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    Jeff,

    What you mean we, white man? It doesn’t say anything about me, other than this is not my country any more. Rush isn’t a cracker, that defames authentic crackers. He’s a cancer because he’s a lying demagogue-for-hire and idiots believe every lie he spouts. This gets down to the idea that MSNBC is the left-side version of Fox, This equation denies a basic principal. Fox makes shit up, Olbermann and Maddow do not. In fact, Republican horseshit, you can’t make that shit up.

    Get right down to it, when was the last time anybody on Fox or any Republican politician told the truth?

  44. Jeff Borden said on November 17, 2010 at 4:29 pm

    Prospero,

    Point taken. I was alluding to the popularity of the big man as a sign of how many of our fellow citizens are loons. Hopefully, his fans are a distinct minority, but my Lord, he has a lot of them and they hang on his every ugly, distorted, racist word.

    Speaking of Palin, she will be the topic of a large story in the Sunday NYT. Some of it has leaked and one anecdote proves my point about how lazy and self-centered she is, to wit, she skipped a campaign appearance for Christine O’Donnell in favor of watching the Jets vs. Packers in the luxury box of the Jets owner. SheWho helped O’Donnell with her endorsement, but she couldn’t be bothered to show up for a joint appearance. Instead, she went the rock star route and enjoyed an NFL game from a luxury skybox.

  45. Jeff Borden said on November 17, 2010 at 4:39 pm

    Sad news for Mama Grizzly. Associated Press has declared Lisa Murkowski the winner in the Alaska senate race. Her lead in confirmed ballots gives her the seat of Joe Miller, the hand-picked git of SheWho.

    Ah, well, she still has Bristol in the running.

  46. DellaDash said on November 17, 2010 at 5:03 pm

    Well, my point of view has been ably voiced already, but I’m still going to take a chunk out of my lunch hour to say:

    Bristol Palin is NOT fair game…she’s a child. If you think she’s too old to be still be considered a child…do you honestly believe that any issue of SheWho Dearest has the glimmer of a fighting chance to come-of-age on their own steam, now that Mama Narcissisia has gotten a taste of the bigtime? Furthermore, if the rumour in one of the links is true and she has wanted out of DWTS…how humiliating for her to be forced to stay in such an unforgiving spotlight. I’d be diving for the red velvet myself. Finally, even though I haven’t watched DWTS since an early season when infectious football player, Emmitt Smith, had us all up on our feet, wantin to dance with him…mostly because I’m not entertained by amateur celebrity dancers woodenly attempting my least favorite dance style – American Ballroom…the clips of Bristol show she’s not half bad, executing moves (in high heels, no less) that are a lot more difficult than you might realize. No doubt, Brian, Brandi was delightful…worth tracking down a clip.

    MDA, Coozle? I’m so old that I remember when someone would have to run to an all-night store for ‘bumpers’ (probably Juicy Fruit) to ease our 12-hour MDA lockjaws.

  47. alex said on November 17, 2010 at 5:19 pm

    mark @ 25: What I’m suggesting is that some people can’t get their day started without directing a vulgarity at the people they don’t like.

    And some people can’t seem to let a day go by without trolling others’ web sites acting like libertarian political correctness police.

  48. beb said on November 17, 2010 at 5:31 pm

    The Cadillac Sub-compact. Why would anyone pay Cadillac prices for a half-a-car? Of course since the country is committed to a 35 mpg CAFE we’re all going to end up driving cars like that.

    Comparing Sarah Palin to the Andy Griffith character in “A Face in the Crowd” is spot on.

    I’ve never tried an “energy” drink. Can’t see how they would work. Outside of loading up on caffeine. I’m not a coffee drinker (weaks my stomach) but I have tried a mocha-moolatte or two from Dairy Queen. You would think the load of carbos from the ice cream would put you to sleep but the caffeine in the coffee mixed in really does perk one up. A lot than I get from drinking diet coke.

    Cherpumple sounds worse than Turduckin. Some foods should be just left alone. Especially since I can’t see how cherries and pumpkin together in a pie would taste like anything but garbage.

    And to round put the Chelsea Clinton / White House dog story. The Clintons wanted to keep Chelsea out of the spotlight and did. Limbaugh making that joke was breaking an understanding the POTUS had with the media. Secondly, while Limbaugh claimed that Chelsea’s picture appeared by accident, then professional comedian Al Franken pointed out that the whole set-up had no punch-line without the Chelsea picture, therefore Limbaugh was lying when he denied purposely making a bad joke about an off-limits minor child.

  49. LAMary said on November 17, 2010 at 5:43 pm

    There was that awful joke McCain told about Chelsea Clinton as well.
    Turducken always sounds to me like what one does when viewing the Gorilla exhibit at the zoo.
    And Lisa Murkowski won as a write in. Can you believe it. She’s still a Republican but at least she isn’t the jerk Miller seemed to be.

  50. prospero said on November 17, 2010 at 5:52 pm

    I ‘m at a loss. These people that try to claim that every heinous lie on the right somehow balances with equally heinous lies from people that actually care about good government and facts, well, that is ridiculous and it comes from lame=o shitheels like Dana Millbanks. In the first place, these morons think that NYT and WaPo are somehow :liberal.

    Alternative inverse. The same deluded jackasses think the LATimes and Chicago Tribune are “liberal”. God, you have got to be some sort of idiot ditto-head to claim that. Fair and balanced? We lie so you can impute Grade-A bullshit to mealy-mouthed editorial boatds that act like “both sides do it”, when theymost assuredly do not.

    Charlie Rangel is in trouble over rent-controlled properties. How about cut-rate at CStreet, where they religiously counseled Ensign’s parents to stay below that $10 grand mark so as to elude the IRS. The Rangel Center at CCNY? How about Mitch’s infinitely more lucrative policy center at Louisville?

    The idea that there is a mainstream liberal press is hilarious. It’s like Peter Frampton, All of the papers that matter, except maybe the Globe are mired in this idea that massive mendacity on one side is equal to politics as usual on the other side. How does Rachel Maddow reporting facts and quoting people correctly and in context, their own words. match up with Glen Beck making shit up and saying outright that George Soros was a pre-pubert Nazi collaboroato

    Have people no decency?r? These are a bunch of creeps that don’t know compunction about lying, and the so=called “lamestream” just gives them cover with all of the “both sides do it? crapola. No, you dickweeds, both sides don’t.

    Darrel Issa want’s to investigate Obama’s citizenship. There’s a sensible way to address the deficit. Way Republicans run investigations, no telling where that Starr-search may end up. How about your brother, ou despicable asshole,y, the stolen cars, and the chop-shops, Darrell.How about arson for hire? When the Hypocrite party pilloried Clinton, turned out they were all guilty of “youthful indiscretions. Scumbag Dan Burton. Saint Henry Hyde, of the well=known amendment. What was gravy foer them was evidently impeachable for a guy that shared most of their policy beliefs but was a Democrat.

    Anyway, let Darrell Issa bring it on. The Cali Bureau of Investigation might solve some cold cases.

  51. prospero said on November 17, 2010 at 6:04 pm

    I’d think this claim about liberal bias and lamestream media would bug you too, Nancy. NYT was responsible for Miss Little Runamuck, a twit, a mediocre writer, and someonet willing to flush journalistic principals ro cheerlead for an illegal invasion. How/bout that lamestream Neocon press.

  52. Jeff Borden said on November 17, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    I’m no longer much of a regular journalist –a few stories per year for trade publications– but I spent almost 35 years in the industry and am the son of a newspaperman, Prospero, and I am disgusted and disheartened by the business these days.

    The mainstream media wants to fight according to the Marquis of Queensbury rules, while the right-wing smear machine is into gang rumbles. Editors and publishers are so cowed by the threat someone on the right might get mad that they bend over backwards in an effort to prove how even-handed they are in their judgments.

    I open my Chicago Tribune once a week to see the oafish face of Jonah Goldberg, a complete and utter hack who would not have a job if his mommy hadn’t goaded Linda Tripp to tape the conversations with her friend Monica Lewinsky. He and half the shitheads at National Review have some kind of newspaper column running somewhere. . .all in the name of balance. None of them are fit to write a grocery list, much less a column.

    Why in God’s name is everything said by SheWho –a half-term governor of a state with a paltry population and a junkie’s hunger for federal money– considered newsworthy? Her fucking Twitter messages are treated as if they were utterances from Churchill. It’s our liberal media, just trying to show the goobers they are cool with right-wing bullshit.

  53. coozledad said on November 17, 2010 at 6:27 pm

    Hey, you wallow in that holy-roller “God loves me best” and “America c’est moi” garbage, don’t be startled when people recoil. How far we’ve come from the cocktail weenie set in DC calling the Clintons déclassé.
    Even naming a child “Bristol”, is evidence of a comic ignorance of English (ask LA Mary).
    I also get tired of people pissing all over English with their fake insistence on niceynice. They’re like Celia’s suitor from Jonathan Swift’s The Lady’s Dressing Room ,all bent out of shape because “Celia shits.”

  54. Rana said on November 17, 2010 at 6:46 pm

    DellahDash, she’s 20 and a mother. That’s not exactly a “child,” no matter how overbearing the person’s mother may be.

  55. Jeff Borden said on November 17, 2010 at 7:05 pm

    It appears the offspring don’t fall far from the womb.

    Bristol and Willow were in a Facebook war of words when someone from Alaska proclaimed the TLC program “a fail.” The charming young lasses labeled the poster “gay” and “a faggot” and utilized the kinds of curse words that would lead a Mama Grizzly to rinse out their mouths with soap. The Palins define classless.

  56. coozledad said on November 17, 2010 at 7:08 pm

    Jeff Borden:The whole crew would be pitiful if they weren’t permitted to be dangerous.

  57. MichaelG said on November 17, 2010 at 9:03 pm

    The last time I listened to Rush Limbaugh was back when Clinton had just taken office. I remember two things, one in general: Limbaugh claimed to be “just an entertainer” not a political commenter, so people should cut him some slack. The second thing, the one that enraged me and made me turn him off forever was when he began talking about the ugly kid in the White House, the ugliest kid he had ever seen, the one with the frizzy hair. Poor Chelsea must have been around 12 at the time. That was almost 20 years ago and was so over the top disgusting I haven’t forgotten it to this day.

    I was in Burbank and Glendale yesterday and earlier today and had KPCC on the car radio. They were in their begging mode and were touting their “fair and balanced” news casts. That hit a nerve. News isn’t supposed to be “fair and balanced”, it’s supposed to be honest. I thought lots more but I’m too hungry for dinner and too lazy to go on.

    Mary, I almost spit wine on my keyboard at the turducken comment. I’ve been a turducker at the S. F. Zoo. I’m still coughing from inhaling the wine.

  58. prospero said on November 17, 2010 at 9:13 pm

    Chelsea was named for a brilliant Joni Mitchell song, Bristol was named for another body of water her mother wanted to see oil derricks planted in.

    When the leader of your political party is Dickless Sheney, it takes nerve to call anybody a hillbilly.

    And Jeff,

    Jonah Goldberg is one sad representative of the moron class. Who’d have thought it when his mom is such a class act?

    You really have to work at being that stupid. And his mom Lucianne gave Monica those kneepads she was bragging about bringing to
    washington when Lewinski made that video at her Pepperdine going away party. It’s disgraceful Clinton was such a dog he took advantage of such a delicate flower.

  59. joodyb said on November 17, 2010 at 10:16 pm

    what john@4 said.

    judybusy@9, our clever boy has this hed tomorrow: ‘They should call it ‘Shooting at the Stars’

    all this energy drink talk brings to mind ‘The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret,’ a wincer of a series that is sidesplittingly canny (ok, pun intended), perhaps, in its characterizations of fetid-beverage marketing types.

  60. Bill White said on November 17, 2010 at 10:50 pm

    The hyphenation problem is fixed – thanks!

  61. MichaelG said on November 17, 2010 at 10:55 pm

    By the way, I liked that little Cad. I’m always willing to give some slack to somebody who’s willing to try some real style with a car. It’s gotta be better than that Cimarron from 20 years or so ago. If ever Cad had a low point, that had to be it.

  62. brian stouder said on November 17, 2010 at 11:03 pm

    Della – today at lunch, Pam and I were still hashing over that dancing show (which I am done watching), and the surprise of Brandy’s fate hit me all over again. When ABC put the inset box of her crying, as they showed scenes of her and Maksim practicing earlier on, it reminded me of nothing so much as the scene in Wizard of Oz where Dorothy cries in the dungeon as Auntie Emm flickers in the crystal ball. (and that scene ALWAYS made me cry, when I was a kiddo!)

    Aside from that, my colleagues here in nn.c-land (including nn herownself) seem to me to be a bit overly exuberant in their condemnation of the young Ms Palin. I don’t subscribe to the criticism of her physical build; quite frankly, curves on a woman strike me as a net plus (so to speak); and anyway, her only remaining male competitor, Kyle Massey, is no thinny-minnie himself, and he doesn’t seem to be losing any mass, either, as the contest proceeds.

    Anyway – my hope and belief is that Brandy’s unjust fate on ABC’s popularity contest will end up being a win for her. I’m about as white-bread, middle of the bell curve, John Q Public as they come, and I never heard of Brandy before this contest; and now, I feel an allegiance to her, and will watch for her name, and go to her movies and buy her music.

  63. velvet goldmine said on November 17, 2010 at 11:54 pm

    I wish I could remember where I read it, but there’s a rumor going around (of course) that Bristol is pregnant again. Hence the weight gain. She didn’t think she’d last long enough on the show for her “showing” to be an issue.

  64. Dexter said on November 18, 2010 at 12:51 am

    To all the “Terriers” viewers: wow…what a twist! I never expected that ending to the rape cases. Damn. I did see the end of the show coming, and that beatdown that kid took made me wince and cringe…a bit of the old ultra-violence. Britt would make a capable droog if they ever re-make “A Clockwork Orange”. That beatdown was fierce. I am glad Terriers was greenlighted for these 13 episodes and I can only hope it’s renewed. No news yet that I can find.

  65. Dexter said on November 18, 2010 at 1:37 am

    Here’s one for you kids…I am way too old to give a crap about this situation, yo!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyWKlxNAh30&feature=player_embedded