Elections are entertaining.

Election night, and the returns are coming in, pretty much as expected. Pete Hoekstra will running against Debbie Stabenow in the fall. Gary Peters will be my new congressman. The Detroit Institute of Arts will most likely get the small tax millage that will allow them to stay open. And my phone will stop ringing. Four more calls today, one coming as late as 3:30 p.m. I was ready to kill. I could have let the all go to voicemail, but our landline rings so infrequently, to have it chirping all day just chaps my ass. So I pick it up, and immediately hang up. And this, my friends, is a first world problem.

The only seriously contested races are small enough that they won’t have clear winners until tomorrow. If only there were a news product that could reveal these things bright and early, that we could read over coffee.

Here’s one: The utterly FUBAR’d mess of the 11th district, left behind by one-time presidential candidate Thaddeus McCotter. The evident winner — at this hour — is inevitably described as a “reindeer farmer,” which he is. I’d like to know more about him, but he’s given virtually no interviews. That’s because it came out some time ago that hey, he’s an actor:

Bentivolio, a Milford teacher, had a prominent role in a low-budget Michigan-made film — “The President Goes to Heaven” — released last year that pokes fun at a fictional character based on Republican former President George W. Bush.

In the 85-minute satire, Bentivolio is the chief physician at a place called the North Oakland Medical Center, where the fictional president has had a stroke and lies in a coma but is able to hear and understand those around him.

The nurses berate the comatose president for ordering the planes to be flown into the towers, killing their loved ones. A conspiracy theorist on a TV screen details the urban myths about “our allies” being responsible for the attack.

And the comatose president, whom the viewers can hear but the actors can’t, says he knew something was in the works, but “only Dick knew all the details.” (An apparent reference to former Vice President Dick Cheney.)

I would like to party with Kerry Bentivolio, reindeer farmer. And he’s very, very likely to be going to Washington by the end of the year.


Because I have an RSS feed set up to search “grosse pointe,” I got this column yesterday, which isn’t about GP at all, but Mitt Romney, and contains this lovely turn of phrase:

Who is Mitt Romney? He’s a public figure for whom, as Gertrude Stein said of Oakland, there’s no “there” there. He’s a shape-shifter, an identity hijacker, a human being who would rather appear to be than actually be. He’s the living incarnation of the self-seeking, ethos-free, “always be closing” vacuousness of the hedge fund set. He’s the Golem of Grosse Pointe, the Dybbuk of Darien, the animated spirit of vapid wealth. He is soulless and amiably amoral ambition made flesh as a candidate for the highest office in the land.

The Dybbuk of Darien — now there’s a movie.

It seems I had more to blog today, but I didn’t write it down. Maybe it will come back to me tomorrow. Oh, I remember: Hank on Honey Boo Boo. A classic. (Link fixed.)

Posted at 12:39 am in Current events |

48 responses to “Elections are entertaining.”

  1. Hank Stuever said on August 8, 2012 at 2:03 am

    Oddly, it seems the link Nancy has for the Honey Boo Boo review loses the first paragraph. Try this one? http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/here-comes-honey-boo-boo-the-lil-miss-sunshine-we-all-deserve/2012/08/07/22276052-dfe1-11e1-a421-8bf0f0e5aa11_story.html?hpid=z5

    (Bad linkage brought about because we had to update the file between editions. Intrepid journalist-turned-lazy-TV-critic believed the Interwebs, which at some point bestowed the surname “Holler” to Honey Boo Boo’s family. Their last name is Thompson, actually. Well, some of them are named Thompson. Some aren’t.)

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  2. ROGirl said on August 8, 2012 at 7:26 am

    I’m envisioning the pregnancies, drug use, food addictions and run-ins with the law that await her in the future.

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  3. coozledad said on August 8, 2012 at 7:43 am

    ROGirl: Don’t sell her too short: She might grow up to hustle herself a half term governorship, like her predecessor, Super Honey Nut Boom Boom.

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  4. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on August 8, 2012 at 7:59 am

    What, “The Golem of Grosse Pointe” isn’t a great movie possibility?

    Cooze, I’m surprised you didn’t pick up on the “Vice President Peg Bundy” tag in the article. For that picture, it was a neat piece of snarky insight.

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  5. beb said on August 8, 2012 at 8:16 am

    While Hank can’t take his eyes of Honey Boo Boo, I get the dry heaves just thinking about it.

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  6. Jolene said on August 8, 2012 at 8:27 am

    The outfit Palin is wearing in that photo is really something. She looks like a grown-up Honey Boo Boo.

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  7. Prospero said on August 8, 2012 at 8:30 am

    HMS Romney. George III response to the actual TeaParty. Right over those Teabanger’s pointy leetle haids.

    Who knows? Maybe the actual Golem of Warsaw was babdized retroactively by LDS and brought back to like to effect the White Horse Prophecy and take back the country from the Kenyan usurper.With RMoney whining about Obama’s alleged “gutting” of Welfare Reform for state waivers designed and insisted upon GOPer Goobernors including Willard, he’s hitting the highest pitch dogwhistle going. Shades of Raygun.

    What the hell does $Palin have on her feet in that photo?

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  8. nancy said on August 8, 2012 at 8:46 am

    Hank saw She-Who in L.A. and said she was wearing enormous heels at the poolside NBC party, too. She’d probably call that outfit “fun.” It’s not heinous for a backyard barbecue, but man, those shoes.

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  9. Deborah said on August 8, 2012 at 8:55 am

    What is it with people dressing like overgrown toddlers these days. I’d say that outfit is pretty juvenile. She must be getting how to dress tips from Piper.

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  10. Prospero said on August 8, 2012 at 8:55 am

    Those shoes look like some kind of orthotic devices.

    Start your own hedge fund. Why pay higher tax rates when you can pay just 15% on carried interest. Works for Mittens.

    How to dress tips from Piper Well she gets birth control advice from Piper’s big sister Bristol.

    OOPS. That’s embarrassing.

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  11. Deborah said on August 8, 2012 at 9:36 am

    Those shoes look like S&M garb. When I described the shoes to my husband this morning, he said they sounded very “holy hookerish”.

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  12. Prospero said on August 8, 2012 at 9:52 am

    Sad story about the basketball player Dan Roundfield.


    Guy had a remarkably smooth game, played at Central Michigan before the NBA.

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  13. Little Bird said on August 8, 2012 at 9:56 am

    The whole kinderslut look gets old after awhile. Particularly when the person gets to be older than, say, 25 (I’m being generous). But everyone seems to be dressing younger than they are. Go to any bar, any sporting event, you’ll see kindersluts and for the guys, over grown toddlers.

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  14. alex said on August 8, 2012 at 10:20 am

    You’ve probably heard me describe similar footwear before as a variation on “come fuck me” pumps — “go fuck yourself” pumps.

    That Romney is so poorly read that he doesn’t know sheik from Sikh (linked by Pros, above) isn’t exactly confidence-inspiring. Even incurious George knew better, surely.

    It struck me during my morning dump that the toddler pageantry phenomenon has filtered all the way down from the Patsy Ramsey nouveau yupper class to the welfare white old guard in less time than it takes for a depreciating Cadillac to do the same. And Honey Boo Boo wears it better than JeanBenet.

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  15. beb said on August 8, 2012 at 10:36 am

    Hookerisdh shoes have at least a six inch lift. The one’s shewho was wearing doesn’t look high enough. But there are some kind of weird platform shoe.

    I was visiting my dad in Indiana last weekend and even though there wasn’t a primary coming up it seemed like EVERY ad on TV was a political ad. I don’t think it was anywhere as back back in Detroit, where we were having a primary.

    One of the three in heaviest rotation (all were Republicans) couldn’t be bothered to identify which party she belonged to. (I think it was Kathy Richardson) My dad tells me that she was the key vote needed for Mitt Daniels to sell of the Indiana Toll Road and direct the money from North Ind to southern Ind. A major sore point with my dad.

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  16. brian stouder said on August 8, 2012 at 10:47 am

    sell off the Indiana Toll Road and direct the money from North Ind to southern Ind. A major sore point with my dad.

    Well, they didn’t redirect the money* that they MISPLACED – so there’s that.

    I think She-who broke a corollary to Nancy’s fashion rule (tight/high/revealing – or whatever the hell).

    The combination of the Superwoman top coupled with the oddball shoes and the tight spanks is the problem. I think she could have gotten away with any one of them, but not all of them at once, especially in a public appearance event.

    *something like $300,000,000 – yes?

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  17. Prospero said on August 8, 2012 at 10:59 am

    Since I generally agree with Jimmy Carter on Israel’s treatment of Palestinians in the occupied territories, I fun RMoney suggestion that lack of cultural incentives is more responsible for lack of Palestinian prosperity than the oppressive behavior of their Israeli overlords particularly heinous. One great thing about Mitt is thecluelessness that makes him keep on giving. Kneejerk support in the US for whatever atrocious thing Tel Aviv choose to do the the captive Arabs is ubiquitous, and so uncritical this would have disappeared from memory had Willard just shut the frock up. But no. He’s doubling down.

    Wit and wisdom of Mike Ehrmantraut:


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  18. adrianne said on August 8, 2012 at 11:30 am

    Excellent linkage today, Nance. Hank’s review of Honey Boo Boo is a thing of beauty, especially this description of one episode: “Hopped up on iced coffee, Pixy Stix and Mountain Dew, Alana has difficulty concentrating on her routine, fails to win a trophy and bursts into tears.”

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  19. Jeff Borden said on August 8, 2012 at 11:50 am

    Apparently, She-Who’s daughter, Who-Dat aka Bristol aka Revirginized Bristol, is upset about the treatment she received from TV critics when she was part of a “Dancing with the Stars” panel. Those poor, poor snowbillies! Why won’t those media meanies just leave `em alone?

    The outfit Mooselini wore in that photograph is pretty awful. She is an attractive woman, but Christ, my wife wouldn’t wear that crap to clean out the garage. Then again, my wife is an accomplished and stylish woman, which puts her 180 degrees away from Wasilla’s most famous white trash icon.

    She-Who is not invited to Mitt’s Big Ol’ Rightwing Hoedown in Tampa, but I’m guessing the empty-headed Nikki Haley will pick up the slack and give the National Review boys a hard-on or two.

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  20. Prospero said on August 8, 2012 at 11:57 am

    Careful there, Jeff. Nikki’s been accused of pressuring male underlings for sex.SC. We can elect GOPer Goobernor’s, we just can’t keep ’em off the Appalachian Trail.

    There is very little more boring a waste of time than NFL exhibition games, but I might watch this one:


    Doesn’t seem very smart to me for this young woman to do this when the league is putting scab officials on the field.

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  21. Sherri said on August 8, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    Sorry, but I just can’t find anything about Honey Boo Boo funny. I moved to the Left Coast to get far away from that stuff. Reality TV seems to have become the redneck equivalent of professional sports for the inner city: the impossible dream that’s going to lift us out of this and make us famous and rich. Meanwhile, the state keeps taxes low on everybody but you, provides bad services when they provide services, and keep the state “business-friendly” with tax breaks and anti-union policies.

    Sorry, just have relatives who would fit right in with Honey Boo Boo and family. And I’m the odd one because I chose to leave the South…

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  22. LAMary said on August 8, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    Hey, we just had a 4.5 earthquake. That’s the junior varsity level.

    earthquake info site:


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  23. Prospero said on August 8, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    Gruesome story about a Bain success.Apparently they didn’t teach business ethics at Harvard when Mittens was there. This is not the sort of person that should be President of the USA. Of course, the story is in that infamous liberal rag, Bloomberg. Those guys are out to get Willard.

    And Levi is determined to get full custody of little Trippy Boo Boo. At some very real point, this crapola is parental child abuse for cash.


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  24. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on August 8, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    I’ve got a friend from here in Ohio who’s doing a teaching in Newport Beach, and she just tweeted “I think I just experienced my first earthquake” — had to point out to her the Virginia-centered one that rocked Ohio surely qualified . . . but she was teaching in Hartford CT that week.

    LAMary, hope your knickknacks are all in good order!

    So, out of a sincere disgust for the general non-candidacy of both of our “major” party candidates, I thought I’d check out who the Green Party was putting up. Does anyone know how their process turned out? (And . . . Roseanne Barr?)


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  25. alex said on August 8, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    Roseanne’s even dumber in real life than her eponymous character. Every bit as angry and simple-minded as a teabagger but with an ultra-liberal point of view. A discredit to liberals every bit as much as She-Who is a black eye for conservatives. Someone directed me to her personal blog a while back and I was struck by what an infernally stupid person she really is. And I used to like her character and her show, for what that’s worth.

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  26. LAMary said on August 8, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    I’m not an unsecured knick knack sort of gal, so I’m sure everything is fine. The quake was small enough and far enough away to be pretty much harmless to me. It rattles people nerves more than anything else. The only time I’ve had a problem with a small quake was when all the soy sauce, olive oil and vinegar was shaken enough to move towards the cabinet door. When I opened the cabinet it all fell out and broke.

    on another note, it’s really hot here. Here’s a nice cooling video:


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  27. brian stouder said on August 8, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    Sounds like the beginning of a pretty good dressing….

    Rachel had a pretty good piece on the fast-becoming-routine earth quakes of east Texas; generally 3.5-4 tremors, thanks to fracking.

    I bet, even as fouled up as California may be, they won’t allow fracking to further foul things

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  28. LAMary said on August 8, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    I think we already have fracking. Not a lot of it, but it is going on.

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  29. Jeff Borden said on August 8, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    I see the genius voters in Missouri passed a provision yesterday that allows students to opt out of school work that clashes with their religious viewpoints. This was, of course, a response to scientific exploration of evolution, but as one critic pointed out, there is absolutely nothing to keep a child who has not studied his mathematics to complain that doing long division is anathema to their faith.

    A Democrat called this “a jobs bill for lawyers” that will result in scores, maybe hundreds, of frivolous cases directed at cash strapped school districts.

    I’ll never understand how a religion that claims to represent, what, something like 80-plus percent of the population, is so insecure about its hold on the young ‘uns it would rather fill their heads with mush than expose them to critical thought. Perhaps some of the more religious NN.Cers can explain this to me.

    Coupled with the shenanigans going on in Louisiana with vouchers –where some religious schools being paid with taxpayer dollars are insisting the Loch Ness monster proves dinosaurs and humans lived together– our conservative pals are really transforming what school means at the most basic levels. Is the aim to make us the dumbest but holiest country? I honestly don’t understand.

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  30. MichaelG said on August 8, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    It’s warm here too, Mary. We’re getting our Phoenix on. It’s progged to be in trippple digits for the next week.

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  31. Bob (not Greene) said on August 8, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    Jeff B., an example of just what you’re talking about. This country is determined to race to the bottom as fast as possible.


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  32. LAMary said on August 8, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    Here in the Valley they’re predicting 109 for the next three days. Avec humidity, which is rare here. Luckily, my office is overairconditioned.

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  33. Prospero said on August 8, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    No dinos in the KJV, Jeff. How they get around that one?

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  34. David C. said on August 8, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    I think the word kinderslut is going to be a very useful addition to my vocabulary. Thanks Little Bird.

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  35. Scout said on August 8, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    Well since we’re talking about weather… I got one word for you. Phoenix. Highs over 110 all week. Bad timing for my car to decide to overheat and die in the middle of a busy street during rush hour. It took two hours for AAA to show up and tow it. I don’t remember the last time I looked or felt more bedraggled.

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  36. brian stouder said on August 8, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    Scout – I’m just bettin’ that when you think you’re bedraggled, that you still exude a cool vibe.

    Hereabouts, the heat wave ended, and we’ve had enough rain that I had to mow the yard for, like, the fist time this summer!

    And – Pam and the girls rolled out for a day at Indiana Beach (Thursday – but they’re visiting Pam’s mom this evening), and – of course! – LOTS of rain is in the forecast for tomorrow. But this is what one can call a no-lose proposition.

    And speaking of raindrops falling on their heads, good ol’ WANE-TV channel 15 of Fort Wayne made the Jon Stewart show!


    Woo Hoo!!

    edit – one last laugh:


    and it has the lead sentence to beat all lead sentences:

    DALLAS (AP) — Randy Travis was charged with driving while intoxicated and threatening law officers after the country singer crashed his car and was found naked and combative at the scene, officials said.

    (I didn’t know that guy was 53. You’d think he’d know a little better than this, but apparently not)

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  37. MichaelG said on August 8, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    And to add insult to injury, they had a big fire at the Chevron refinery down the road in Richmond. There go gas prices.

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  38. Prospero said on August 8, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    That flaming rings of crunchy oats guy reminds me of rednecks that set the house and barn and dualie on fire deep-frying the Thanksgiving Day turkey.

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  39. Deborah said on August 8, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    Have any of you read Bel Canto. If so what did you think of it?

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  40. Julie Robinson said on August 8, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    Kinderslut and Holy Hookerish are both great new vocab words. Life’s been crazy lately but it’s always fun catching up at the end of the day. Thanks, y’all.

    Edit: Deborah, I loved Bel Canto and enjoyed it just as much when I reread it not too long ago. The premise seemed unpromising to me but so many friends recommended it that I picked it up anyway, and was very glad.

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  41. Suzanne said on August 8, 2012 at 8:17 pm

    I listened to Bel Canto as an audio book. I thought it was good, but not great, which may have been partly due to the way it was read and the reader’s mispronunciation of several of the opera terms. It may also have suffered from the plague of things that have been so highly praised by people I know that it couldn’t possibly live up to the hype.

    And yes, Jeff, there are those who “aim to make us the dumbest but holiest country’ They are so sure that if you have God on your side, reality doesn’t matter because God has your back. Read Karen Armstrong’s “Battle for God” sometime. Eye opening.

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  42. Kirk said on August 8, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    As I don’t listen to audio books, I never thought about the issue of mispronunciations, but that definitely would put me off the way that typos and grammatical mistakes do when I’m reading old-fashioned books.

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  43. coozledad said on August 8, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    Naked and combative is no way to go through life, son.

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  44. MaryRC said on August 8, 2012 at 9:26 pm

    “Hopped up on iced coffee, Pixy Stix and Mountain Dew, Alana has difficulty concentrating on her routine, fails to win a trophy and bursts into tears.”

    This is why I’m not quite as amused as Hank Stuever is with the Honey Boo Boo show. In her first appearance on Toddlers & Tiaras, this child was swigging something she called Go-Go Juice and spinning around backstage at the pageant like a whirling dervish. Her mother unapologetically revealed that Go-Go Juice was Red Bull and Mountain Dew and that Alana needed it in order to perform. I’ll be amazed if this child has a tooth or a brain cell left by the time she reaches puberty.

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  45. Joe K said on August 8, 2012 at 9:34 pm

    This is why people charter.
    Pilot Joe

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  46. Judybusy said on August 8, 2012 at 9:40 pm

    Scout, sorry to hear about your car troubles, but agree with Brian’s assessment of your vibe!

    I read Bel Canto ages ago, and it remains my favorite Patchett book. In my mind, no other has the level of language nor plot. When we discussed her latest, I noted I couldn’t even finish it. I would recommend it without hesitation, and I’m someone who is particular about fiction.

    Even if Honey Boo Boo wasn’t hopped up on all that caffeine, her life choices will be so crappy, because it’s getting drilled into her that success as a female is completely equated with compelling (hetero)sexuality. Heaven forbid she has a lesbian bone in her body. All that baby pageant scene is just too F’d up; won’t bore you all with all the reasons you already know. Most disturbing to me is that is how some pedophiles really see little girls, and the moms don’t want to see what an ugly think they’re doing to their daughters.

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  47. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on August 8, 2012 at 11:21 pm

    A friend on Facebook just commented (I didn’t see it, having trusted Hank to summarize all I needed to know about Honey Boo Boo): “Glitzy, the gay pageant pig. Going to an auction to buy snack foods. Use of the word “etiquettely”. Referring to the vagina as a biscuit. Lots of talk about farting. HERE COMES HONEY BOO BOO was everything I wanted it to be. You’d better redneck-ognize, indeed.”

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  48. Dexter said on August 9, 2012 at 1:21 am

    A zedonk for coozledad


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