A slide show of nothing much.

(Tried to write something last night, found myself plumb out of gas after a day of bothering people on the phone, researching tax policy and exchanging emails about the election. Wouldn’t you? Now 6:47 a.m. Let’s see how this goes.)

Early morning, hoping for rain. The radar is encouraging, but it’s been a lying bitch for weeks now. The lawn is still green(ish), but that’s due to the sheltering effects of the front-yard oak, not sprinkling. Honey Boo Boo chile don’t sprinkle, and look, look! It’s taken only hours for me to internalize Honey Boo Boo and, in essence, justify whatever dollars were spent on producing that carnival of American entertainment. And I didn’t even watch much of it. Alan vetoed it after a few minutes, but I caught a bit here and there — the family ultrasound of HBB’s older sister, who is pregnant. HBB’s mother, June, revealed she’d been 15 when she’d first become a mother, which was presumably before she married her husband, Sugar Bear, and certainly before she started attending auctions to buy outdated or fell-off-the-truck packages of Chips Ahoy, another little snippet I caught. After the ultrasound, we learned that the family refers to a woman’s genitals as her biscuit.

“Because when you get a biscuit — a good biscuit, like at Hardee’s — you can kind of pull ’em apart…” — June throws her head back and laughs, and thanks! Thanks, June and Honey Boo Boo! Now I can never eat a biscuit again. Although I had a neighbor once who called that same thing a muffin, and I still eat those.

In time, it will pass. The American freak show. I bet they don’t so anything like this in Turkey.

I desperately need coffee. I should have exercised this morning. Maybe a bike ride later? I’m hungry. This is my brain in the early morning — Travis Bickle without the guns: I tried several times to call her, but after the first call, she wouldn’t come to the phone any longer. I also sent flowers but with no luck. The smell of the flowers only made me sicker. The headaches got worse. I think I got stomach cancer. I shouldn’t complain though. You’re only as healthy, you’re only as healthy as you feel. You’re only as…healthy…as…you…feel.

It takes three to make a trend, but I think we have a good start on making naked DUI into a Thing.

First, the Rev. Peter Petroske, Catholic priest, arrested and suspended for driving through Dearborn naked and drunk, and I really wish I knew more, but I don’t. There’s a lot about Fr. Petroske’s background in the story. Commenters who say they knew him say he’s a great guy. The priesthood is stressful. I hope he gets the help he needs.

And then, today, Randy Travis, upon whom I once had a 10-minute crush, before the gaydar kicked in, now reduced to raving in the back seat of the squad car, naked and drunk and threatening to kill the cops.

I do not mean to make light of what is obviously a couple of miserable human beings, but it’s odd how these things come in clusters. I’ve been naked and I’ve been drunk, sometimes at the same time, but I’ve never considered going for a drive while in that condition. And for that, the world can be grateful.

I sense we’re already lowering the tone.

So here’s this: Gawker had a little exchange with Henrik Rummel, aka Boner Rower. He is one hell of a good sport:

What was your initial reaction when the story of your boner hit the internet? Have you gotten a lot of feedback? New fans?

I laughed very hard! I woke up my girlfriend and told her the story. Then I told everyone else I knew, except my parents.

Wise choice, kiddo. Now your mom will never find out.

I can’t tell you how happy I am that gymnastics is over. I don’t know how many more plucky brats I can handle. These track athletes are much more my speed, although I don’t really get the obsession with makeup some of these women have. When I’m sweating, false eyelashes are the last things I want to worry about, but then, it is worldwide television and there’s a lot of money lying on the ground for a fetching athlete to pick up, whether or not she’s a winner. So: Plucky brats bad, lanky brats with false eyelashes good.

Failing that, you can always go for a reality-TV show. What do you call a vagina?

Coffee. Cooooffffeeeee…..

Posted at 7:07 am in Current events, Popculch, Television |

83 responses to “A slide show of nothing much.”

  1. ROGirl said on August 9, 2012 at 7:24 am

    False eyelashes and the Olympics? I’d like to see this look catch on.


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  2. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on August 9, 2012 at 7:26 am

    You call it coffee?

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  3. uncle rameau said on August 9, 2012 at 7:40 am

    surely you were aware of this, by one J. Bigga

    My Muffin

    Soulja Boy tell em
    This song ain’t bout nothin’
    I call it my muffin
    I wrote it on a napkin
    While I was clubbin’
    My Muffin
    My Muffin
    My Muffin
    My Muffin
    This song ain’t bout nothin’
    I call it my muffin
    I wrote it on a napkin
    While I was clubbin’
    My Muffin
    This song ain’t bout nothin’
    I call it my muffin
    I wrote it on a napkin
    While I was clubbin’
    My Muffin!
    I ain’t J Bigga but I rock a big muffin
    This song a little different
    ‘Cause it usually bout nothin’
    I rocked you Soulja Boy
    And then get silly
    But this song about a muffin
    and how I signed a dilly
    Watch me do this dance with a muffin in my hand
    Shirts so long that you can’t see my pants
    My shirt say muffin
    My grill say muffin
    On the end of my bling bling chain is a muffin
    My Muffin
    My Muffin
    My Muffin
    My Muffin
    This song ain’t bout nothin’
    I call it my muffin
    I wrote it on a napkin
    While I was clubbin’
    My Muffin
    This song ain’t bout nothin’
    I call it my muffin
    I wrote it on a napkin
    While I was clubbin’
    My Muffin
    I really ain’t got nothin’ in my brain girlfriend
    A whole song bout a muffin?
    That’s insane, girlfriend
    I know you peepin’ at that muffin on my chain, girlfriend
    Do you like banana nut, or plain girlfriend?
    My muffin big willy
    My Muffin got scrilly
    My muffin do it right
    and we twistin’ up a dilly
    My muffin’s so icy
    My muffin keeps the height see
    You can have a bite
    if you ask real nice
    My Muffin
    My Muffin
    My Muffin
    My Muffin
    My Muffin
    This song ain’t bout nothin’
    I call it my muffin
    I wrote it on a napkin
    While I was clubbin’
    My muffin
    This song ain’t bout nothin’
    I call it my muffin
    I wrote it on a napkin
    While I was clubbin’
    My Muffin
    Take it to the bank
    That’s how we lay it down
    The top of my hip
    Cock em up and throw a crown
    Me and J Bigga does up Muffin song
    ‘Cause if you from the Bay you know that Souja bitch sucks
    I’m takin my muffin to the mall
    I’m a show you how a banks muffin robbed
    My muffin don’t fuck
    My muffin keep it heighty
    I step up on Soulja Boy make him look like Souja white
    My Muffin
    My Muffin
    My Muffin
    My Muffin
    My Muffin
    This song ain’t bout nothin’
    I call it my muffin
    I wrote it on a napkin
    While I was clubbin’
    My Muffin
    This song ain’t bout nothin’
    I call it my muffin
    I wrote it on a napkin
    While I was clubbin’
    My Muffin

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  4. coozledad said on August 9, 2012 at 7:43 am

    Vagina?I tried several times to call her, but after the first call, she wouldn’t come to the phone any longer. about sums it up.
    When I was growing up, my mom and sisters called theirs a wooch. My older sister would pretend to insert a finger in hers and chase me around the yard to compel me to smell it. Fortunately she’d stopped doing this before she hit adolescence, or it would have been weird.
    I would never have thought biscuit,or crumpet, for that matter.
    My British girlfriend used “stonker” interchangeably for the erectile bits,male or female, though.

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  5. alex said on August 9, 2012 at 7:55 am

    I still can’t shake Eve Ensler’s “coochie snorcher” out of my head.

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  6. BigHank53 said on August 9, 2012 at 8:11 am

    I was down at the local independent coffee shop the other week, and fire up the iPad for some goofing off while the significant other studies. It’s surrounded by student apartments, naturally, so about eight wireless networks pop up,and halfway down the list is this gem:


    It was nice to see that GPAs aren’t the only things on their minds.

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  7. Scout said on August 9, 2012 at 9:31 am

    I like “Lady Bits”, spoken with a British accent. I have managed to internalize some other names I heard because the other day I laughed when I saw a perfectly legit license plate that had three numbers (forgot those) and the letters VJJ. There was a big hairy bear of a guy driving the vehicle.

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  8. Deborah said on August 9, 2012 at 9:35 am

    I have a strong feeling that an interesting Brian Stouder comment is not far in the future.

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  9. Joe K said on August 9, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Interesting that the two girls that placed 1-2 in the hurdles do not like lo lo Jones who finished 4th. Could it be that lo lo seems to be quite a bit easier on the eyes than the other 2?
    I kinda like cooter.
    Hanging out with the Amish today in Lancaster Pa.
    Pilot Joe

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  10. Dorothy said on August 9, 2012 at 10:11 am

    My sister-in-law Dee had a name she used when she was teaching her kids what to call their privates. For her son, she called it his “birdie”, and for her daughter it was her “pinky”. My kids just about died laughing when they heard this. I’m not a nick-naming-the-privates kinda gal. They were called by their correct name. I assume that’s because my Catholic mother always called them by the right names.

    We have had steady rain just about all morning and it’s heavenly. The thunder isn’t too bad and I have my window open at my desk – just loving hearing the pitter patter.

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  11. Sue said on August 9, 2012 at 10:26 am

    “What do you call a vagina?”
    More trouble than it’s worth.

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  12. MichaelG said on August 9, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Yeah, those two really took off after poor LoLo, Joe.

    My Ex, a Portuguese from Lisbon, calls it her pashasha. I’m not sure if that’s some Portuga thing or what.

    The news mentioned that there was some hellacious rain in Indiana last night. Anybody here get wet?

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  13. DellaDash said on August 9, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Because I’m re-reading ‘Shogun’, Golden Pavilion would be my current choice if a euphemism is really (reluctantly) called for; although now I’m thinking that nothing can beat Honey Boo Boo.

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  14. Catherine said on August 9, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Track? Gymnastics? What are they compared to WOMEN’S SOCCER FINALS AT 11:45 PACIFIC TODAY!!

    My money’s on Amanda Bynes for the next naked DUI. Any other nominees?

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  15. nancy said on August 9, 2012 at 10:41 am

    What I’d like to know is, is it ever possible for a woman to dislike another without having it based on their relative attractiveness?

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  16. MaryRC said on August 9, 2012 at 10:42 am

    I watched Honey Boo Boo, not quite the whole thing but almost. At times it was actually funny, the family seemed like natural hams in the spotlight, not all that bright but laid-back and affectionate. Then Alana had to practice and didn’t want to and cried, and big momma June got mean and it didn’t seem so funny anymore. Also, no surprise that acquiring Glitzy the miniature pig is going to end in tears, but how cruel can you be to give a 4-year-old a pet just as the basis of a reality show episode?

    One thing that struck me: this child is not winning pageants and is probably not going to. Afterwards TLC showed the episode of Toddlers & Tiaras in which Alana originally appeared along with the beautifully groomed and waxed daughters of two steely-eyed, clenched-jawed mamas. The other little girls won, Alana didn’t. She is going to be set up for more disappointments than just losing Glitzy the pig.

    By the way, I think John Updike described a vagina as looking like a biscuit in Roger’s Version, or maybe it was puff pastry? I’d have to find a copy of the book to make sure.

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  17. brian stouder said on August 9, 2012 at 10:49 am

    Well, approximately a lifetime ago, a previous wife referred to that particular zone as her ‘kitty’. And let me just say, she was one of those rare souls – at least back then, that was genuinely insatiable (long, long ridiculous story, but with a happy ending!); and I was genuinely, truly, and hopelessly out of my league.

    But – we digress!

    PS – the big rain has missed us (in Fort Wayne) so far, but the day is young.

    Alos – when Nance asked is it ever possible for a woman to dislike another without having it based on their relative attractiveness?, my first thought was that this is a chicken/egg thing.

    If a person likes another, then their relative attractiveness increases, and whatever flaws they have are endearing; and if a person dislikes another, than the equal and opposite effect applies (and this goes for men, too, I’d say)

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  18. Sue said on August 9, 2012 at 10:54 am

    “What I’d like to know is, is it ever possible for a woman to dislike another without having it based on their relative attractiveness?”
    Nancy, do you mean is it ever possible for a woman to dislike another without others perceiving that it is based on their relative attractiveness? That didn’t sound like your kind of comment, maybe I misunderstood?

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  19. Jolene said on August 9, 2012 at 10:54 am

    There was a NYT piece on Lolo Jones a few days ago, not at all flattering. The gist of it was that Jones is more about preening than performing. I hadn’t heard of her prior to the Olympics, but, apparently, she has a longstanding reputation for seeking attention for attributes other than her athletic skill.

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  20. Kirk said on August 9, 2012 at 10:57 am

    I think Nance was being sarcastic. And not many people in the track world like LoLo Jones, and not because of her looks.

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  21. LAMary said on August 9, 2012 at 11:29 am

    You know I’m very specific about this sort of thing so it’s a vulva and a vagina and labia minora and majora and, well I could go on but why bother.
    LoLo was compared to M. Kornoukova in the NYT for getting lots of magazine covers and attention and being just barely good enough for her sport. I may have spelled Maria’s name incorrectly but she’ll get over it.
    LoLo announced a while back that “keeping her virginity is more difficult than qualifying for the Olympics.” She has made pretty big deal about her religious beliefs and her celibacy. Other athletes mention prayer and thanking God for their success but LoLo goes above and beyond, all without actually winning any medals. I think lots of people are very tired of her. I’m glad she got her ass kicked.

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  22. Charlotte said on August 9, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Thank god the gymnastics is over. It was driving my beloved to apoplectic rage —

    I am a “lady bits” person myself, but Nance, I too might never be able to look at a biscuit the same way again. Funny thing is, growing up in a family of boys, all of whom had “hoses” — we never had a name for what I had. It was a pretty matriarchal family — we were so normal there was no word? while the boys had this alien thing? (Although my brother claimed the most traumatic thing about accidentally seeing my grandmother naked as a child wasn’t her nakedness, it was that her hair came off! The bun! It was detachable!) The many mysteries of childhood …

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  23. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on August 9, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Tears . . . laughter . . . can’t speak . . . just click. Lord, have mercy. (Bless their hearts.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFwogaNPKhs

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  24. mark said on August 9, 2012 at 11:36 am

    “I’m glad she got her ass kicked.” Nothing like finding a moment of joy in someone else’s failure.

    Only 4th best in the world. What an ass-kicking. And how dare she sell her looks. She’s supposed to keep her mouth shut and take her clothes off only when it is time to perform, so that IOC, USOC and NBC can sell her looks.

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  25. LAMary said on August 9, 2012 at 11:41 am

    No, Mark, she needs to be an athlete and not sell her sexiness while attempting to be demure. She’s a fame whore, and while all the athletes are confident, strong people, most of them seem to be mostly interested in their sport, not the nearest microphone or camera. It gets old.

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  26. mark said on August 9, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Mary- She’s the 4th best in the world. You really think she isn’t interested in her sport? Doesn’t train hard? How condescending.

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  27. MichaelG said on August 9, 2012 at 11:45 am

    I’m a sort of once every four years fan and I’d never heard of LoLo before the last few weeks. I don’t know anything about the woman and have no opinion except that she sure seems to provoke comment and that it will all fade in a couple of weeks as football takes over.

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  28. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on August 9, 2012 at 11:46 am

    Mark, 4th best is third loser. Haven’t you seen the t-shirt? Ah, the gospel according to Nike.

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  29. Jeff Borden said on August 9, 2012 at 11:49 am

    Wasn’t it Bette Midler who once said, “If God didn’t want man to eat pussy, why did he make it look like a taco?”

    Regarding Lolo Jones, I thought the NYT story was a nasty piece of work. She doesn’t bother me one way or the other –she’s kind of a female Tim Tebow except that she is actually skilled and a world record-holder– but I know her frequent excursions into how she is a virgin at 30 and how difficult that is has turned a lot of people off.

    Rchard Roeper in the Sun-Times today makes the case that regardless of her finish she is a winner who will cash in on her skills and, yes, her looks while the three runners who finished in front of her will not. Jones may irritate some folks, but she is the real deal. She grew up dirt poor with her family once living in a church basement. . .overcame injuries and surgeries. . .spent years preparing for a 12-second race. . .and as Mark notes is obviously one of the fastest and most physically gifted women on the planet.

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  30. Prospero said on August 9, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    Thos female trackletes get dolled up because the most beloved of all time, FloJo did:


    And as for LoLo Jones, I think it’s fairly obvious that all the attention to her appearance came from a massive army of sexually obsessed, internet fired fanboys. And I’m with Mark. Only better than the rest of the world but three people she could well have beaten on another day. I follow track pretty closely, because I used to do it, and I could never figure out what Jones did that people reacted to like she’d pissed on their carb loaded dinner plates. She is nice looking, but I wouldn’t say beautiful, but her fellow female runners sure had it in for her for the last several years.

    I always thought “bearded clam” was crude but fairly funny, until my first plate of mussels, when I realized it was a misnomer. And mussels come with their own beards. This whole discussion reminds me of a story my mom brought home from her job as a PA at the UGA health service. She was assisting a male doc who was examining a typical blonde Tri-Delt that was having female problems. I think that is chaperoning for the MD’s protection. When he read lab results and informed her the diagnosis was acute vaginitis, the young woman batted her eyes and said “Why, thank you, doctor.” That’s why my mom was in the room.

    And thanking God for athletic success is easily the most reprehensible religious thing athletes do. Tebow is egregious in this, for instance. What’s the gist? God likes me and my religious beliefs better than my competition, so She made me win. That’s both hubristic and dogass theology simultaneously. Totally obnoxious. I mean you can thank God for making it through a competition, I guess, but for winning a race. Bullshit should bring down lightning and thunder.

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  31. del said on August 9, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Jeff Borden, agreed.

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  32. alex said on August 9, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    I about laughed so hard I peed myself one day at the office while reviewing the medical chart of an elderly African-American female. Her physician evidently had to stifle his own amusement. He wrote that he wasn’t sure he heard her correctly the first time and asked her to repeat herself.

    “I’m havin’ cottage cheese in my puddin’ thang.”

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  33. MarkH said on August 9, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    I’m with Borden as well, and with Propsero’s insightful line about Lolo perhaps being able to come out on top on another day against the same competitors.

    Regarding Tebow, I firmly believe that the 2012 NFL season could be when his freight train hits the wall. Meaning, we’ll know from his work with the Jets if he truly has legs in the pro football. No, he’s not a passer, so he has to show himself as a smarter QB than the others, picking from his strengths, mostly as a runner, especially in clutch situations. The knives are really out for this guy.

    LAMary, you got the last name right but Kournukova’s name is Anna. Sharapova is Maria.

    EDIT – actually we both got it wrong: KOURNIKOVA. Sheesh.

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  34. MichaelG said on August 9, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    Back in the early seventies I worked in the unemployment office in Berkeley. One of the counter people sent an older guy back to me to determine his eligibility for benefits because he had written on his card “bed wetter” as a reason for not working or looking for work. I sat the old guy down at my desk and looked over his paper work. He was a member of the construction laborers’ union. Members don’t look for work, they’re dispatched by the union. I looked out the window. It was raining quite hard. I looked back at the guy.

    “Bad weather, huh?”

    “Yeah,” he agreed. “Bed wetter.”

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  35. Prospero said on August 9, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    LAMary@25: That’s inherently unfair. None of these athletes have any control over whose or how many microphones are being stuck in their faces. In Jones’ case, a bunch of teenage boys have been hormonal about her on the net for years, so the media swarm her. Anybody that thinks she wouldn’t trade the over-attention for an Olympic Medal has no idea the rigor involved in training for something like that hurdles race. She overcame devastating injuries and surgeries, with brutal rehabs, and some other runners don’t like her because they think she gets too much attention for her looks. That’s ignorance of what athletic competition is like. Nobody’s complaining Tebow was fishing for attention running around in the rain with no shirt on the other day. And he’s got that Purity Rap down too. Look at what media did to 16 yr. old Gabby Douglas. I’m sure that didn’t start with any of her midget mean girl teammates.

    Damn Alex, I’ve had some flu-like symptoms for a couple of days and woke up this morning thinking it was gone. But the cottage cheese comment almost relaunched my projectile yorking. Easy to see how puddin thang could precurse poontang. An old reliable from R&B was of course, box, as in


    And there’s the other persistent question:


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  36. Chris from Iowa said on August 9, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    It takes three to make a trend and a trend nn.c shall have. http://qctimes.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/ri-police-arrest-man-found-naked-and-covered-in-crisco/article_49279f1c-e105-11e1-b99f-0019bb2963f4.html

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  37. Minnie said on August 9, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    I’m with LAMary in preferring specificity, but Alex’s mention of “thang” recalls some other blues euphemisms: jelly, jelly roll (for female and male organs), cooch, coochie, and, confusingly, cock. The latter definitely was slang for female parts when I was growing up down South.

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  38. DellaDash said on August 9, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    In Jamaica it’s “poonanee too sweet, too sweet, it too sweet”.

    It makes my face sweat just to see pore-clogging make-up on the female trackletes…but it’s their choice. My sympathy goes out to the pioneer Islamic runners swathed head-to-toe in non-breathable fibers!

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  39. LAMary said on August 9, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    I really think LoLo seeks out a few more cameras and microphones than her colleagues. She’s selling the sexy and talking abstinence and that bugs me.

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  40. Mark P said on August 9, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Minnie, I think you must be right about “cock”. Although I don’t remember specific instances of hearing it, the usage must have sunk in at some time because I was confused the first time I heard “sucker” appended (and it becamse clear exactly what that meant). I was quite young at the time and pretty confused about things like that.

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  41. Prospero said on August 9, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    Bessie Smith had a variety of euphemisms to get by the censors. (How , I have no idea, dense censors?)


    First time I’ve ever seen Tebow and smart in a single sentence. My disgust with the guy, aside from my unshakeable belief that claiming you one a game because God approved of your lifestyle and religion to the exclusion of your competitor’s is really bullshit, has to do with the famous attempt to influence politcal outcomes with the clearly bogus story about his mom’s choosing not to abort him in the Philipines AMA. Abortions were not performed in the Phillipines at that time, and practitioner’s involved in an illegal abortion were sure to get the death penalty. No Filipino MD was going to even suggest such a thing, so I believe the story was a rank fabrication. Disgusting thing to do.

    Do the critics of LoLo remember Carl Lewis, Mark Spitz, Phelps in 2008? Florence Joiner? Jackie Joiner Kersee? First sentence in a story about Longman’s NYT piece:

    A New York Times writer has a problem with all the media attention Lolo Jones has been receiving. So, naturally, he wrote a story about it.

    Right, Jere’.

    A New York Times writer has a problem with all the media attention Lolo Jones has been receiving. So, naturally, he wrote a story about it.

    Comparing Jones to Kournikova is asinine, and also so ignorant about the relative accomplishments of the two women, you have to wonder how much he knows about sports. It’s sounds like the human cockroach Mariotti criticizing Frank Thomas to me. You know Jay never did a sport. I’d be interested to hear what Jackie McMullen thinks of the NYT piec, since she played major college hoops. I’d also say that Longman’s choice of tone and diction is grossly prejudicial, subjective and unprofessional. A meretricious piece of crap in my opinion.


    This Longman guy sounds like a first class asshole to me. Jones has held the world championship at 60m, twice. She was also two hurdles away from the gold medal in Beijing. Anna Kournikova never won anything but doubles. I’m guessing this guy probably watches Kardashians and BooBoo on his days off, not sports. Maybe he asked LoLo out once and she wasn’t interested. And apparently track has as crummy a mean girl culture as gymnastics (aka Baby beauty queens @ gymboree.) I tried running hurdles years ago in HS. Next to impossibly difficult. For world class hurdlers clipping a hurdle as Jones did in ’08 is rare when running in the lead. I think what happened is that the US sports press built up LoLo so much in ’08, they are taking it out on her now for that interruption of their script. And that’s bullshit when most of them have a hard time getting up from the couch.

    Seems as if naked DUI is now competitive. The Crisco is an escalation. But damn I was disappointed by that link. When I saw RI, I thought Rhode Island immediately and really hoped this was a Buddy Cianci exploit, you know, the mobbed up rapist thug ex-mayor of Providence, that used to send out goon squads to purge newspapers from streetcorner coin boxes.

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  42. Dexter said on August 9, 2012 at 2:12 pm


    A Waterloo story: A long time ago, 1976, and two foremen from my workplace were drinking heavily, bar-hopping. The elder challenged the younger to “streak” from two blocks south of the tracks to The Shamrock, total distance about three quarters of a mile. It was 2:00 AM, and the route went directly in front of the cop shop. The dare was taken, and the younger stripped and handed a wad of clothing to the elder, who was to meet him at The Shamrock. The cop didn’t see anything, and the mad dash occurred without incident until the impish elder foreman wouldn’t give the clothes back, sitting in the parking lot of the destination, and made the poor guy suffer (it was a very cold early spring) , naked, for what seemed like an eternity. He finally gave back the pants and shirt and they all had a nice nightcap at the bar.
    Now, the only thing I ever did drunk that surprised everyone was the time when I stated (after many, many beers) that I would shave my head for a case of Budweiser. A pal dared me, and I went straight to the barber next door to the bar and got a clipper-shave, and I got my beer. Now days, no big deal…it seems half the men have shaved heads…back then, it took a weirdo or a bet chaser to do it. Man , did I take a ridicule-beating over that one.
    Around 1974, “streaking” was so commonplace at ball games and gee, everywhere, that people sort of began ignoring it, no big deal.
    Once after an evening of drinking in a Fort Wayne singles’ bar I did convince a woman to get naked in my Pinto and ride back home with me totally nude , a distance of about 30 miles. Again, no big deal, but good for a laugh, and no, I did not get naked in the car with her. Goddam that was a fun night.

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  43. del said on August 9, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    That was a bizarre link Dexter. The fact that I enjoyed it probably means I need therapy.

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  44. Joe K said on August 9, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    L.A. Mary,
    What’s wrong with abstaining from sex? Seems like it would cut down on single parent households.
    Pro’s can you PROVE your accusation about Tebows mothers decision in the Philipinees?
    Didn’t think so.
    Pilot Joe

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  45. brian stouder said on August 9, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    Whoa now! Proof? Is that the new standard – we have to have proof?

    Well, that standard would knock most of the bloviating on the rightwing airwaves all to hell!

    Mitt says he pays “a LOT” of taxes.

    I opt for Joe’s standard, in all cases; Show me

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  46. LAMary said on August 9, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    Nothing wrong with abstaining from sex. I never said there was.

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  47. Dan B said on August 9, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    On the one hand, I don’t understand the “Lolo Jones doesn’t work hard” thing. You don’t make the US Olympic team and come in fourth in the finals if you don’t work hard and have a lot of talent.

    But I do have a real issue with the way the media have decided that she is the only story in her event. Because the two women that beat her? Have pretty compelling stories, too. But how much coverage did they ever get? Even that NYT piece is all about Jones. Think she’s getting too much coverage? Do a profile of one of the competitors who you think should be getting more.

    And, to be honest, I don’t think it’s coincidental that Jones has significantly lighter skin than either of the other US runners.

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  48. Prospero said on August 9, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    I’ve been meaning to move my money the hell out of Wells Fargo, but this is more motivation than I needed to do it immediately. The bastards took over from Wachovia and cut interest payments on two money market accounts I have with them. Did not inform me even with a notification on the statements. I have a hard time believing that’s legal, but this is far more despicable:


    Like they’re taking advice from Willard on HR questions.

    Dexter, assuming you didn’t have a wife at home back then, since you’re here to tell the tale.

    Of course not Joe, I wasn’t there. On the other hand, the details are absolutely ridiculous. Can the Tebows prove it’s true? Like name the Catholic doctors that were going to save her life with an abortion at the risk of death by government. I also have doctor friends’ word that the condition affecting Mrs. Tebow, as she desvribed it, was not life threatening, and tht an abortion was not indicated in any way based on her description. I’m saying the whole thing stinks like a crock of shinola. None of the story makes sense in any rational manner. So it seems reasonable to me to disbelieve it and find it odious to have bruited it about in a political setting. But no, I never said I could prove it was made up. I said that it sounds like bull to me. I don’t have to disprove it to find it ridiculous to believe it. It’s called critical thinking. And I sincerely doubt that Tum Tubow and his mom would find my opinion on their veracity an “accusation”. All I said was I don’t believe it. My preogative, Joe. Like you don’t believe Harry Reid about RMoney’s taxes.

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  49. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on August 9, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    Brian, it would knock some holes in the MSNBC schedule as well.

    Anybody know if Jill Stein’s out of jail yet? She might just get me as a protest donor/voter, even if I think her plans put the “top” in utopian.

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  50. Prospero said on August 9, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    DanB, She has also won the world championship at 60m twice. If she wasn’t working hard, she’s the greatest athlete in the history of mankind.

    Actually, the Tebow non-abortion story had to be walked back seriously from its original version which involved an ectopic pregnancy. If there was no Fallopian rupture, the condition woulld resolve itself in a natural miscarriage called a tubal abortion. Had there been a rupture, a laporotomy would have been required to save mom’s life. The explanation was changed to “placental abruption” when the ectopic pregnancy explanation was debunked as making no medical sense. GOPers all over the US have backed prospective legislation requiring mom’s in this condition to carry non-viable babies to full term, so apparently they believe it’s not so dangerous to the mother. This sort of legislation was being pushed in several states when the network and the NFL made the astounding decision to let Focus on the Family run this ad during the Superbowl in 2010. It was a cheap political trick one way or another.

    Jeff (tmmo) Rachel Maddow notably corrects her own errors, which occur infrequently, and always offers time for rebuttals from the other side. So does Lawrence O’Donnell. Fox is still defending their attack reports on Gabby Douglas’ hair. They do not correct themselves. Isn’t O’Reilly still late on calling himself an idiot on-air if he was mistaken in any way about Sandra Fluke?

    Jeff the “top” simply means place (as in topographic), while the u is short for eu, for “well” or “perfect”. It was a clever faux Greek neologism invented by Thomas More. Sorry that’s pedantic, but I didn’t get your reference. And if Jill Stein elects RMoney the way Darth Nader elected Shrub, I’m voting they share a jail cell for a long time. They certainly will have no recourse at that point to the Bork Court.

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  51. brian stouder said on August 9, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    Brian, it would knock some holes in the MSNBC schedule as well.


    I skip Ed altogether, but I greatly enjoy Lawrence O’Donnell, flourishes and all.

    And Rachel – I flat-out love her, despite that, indeed, her show would definitely takes some holes, if you subtracted all the unproven (or actively disputed) opinion….

    but I will aver that she is pretty good at delineating between Facts and Proven Things, and opinions and disputed views.

    But if you say she ain’t perfect, I’ll vigorously nod my head in agreement with you

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  52. MichaelG said on August 9, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    I first heard a woman’s sex referred to as a ‘cock’ when I was in the Army. For most of us the word ‘cock’ referred to something else. This confusion over nomenclature led to some interesting misunderstandings and discussions before things were resolved. I still can’t figure out how people in the south came to use that word in that way.

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  53. brian stouder said on August 9, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    And by the way, one other Rachel bit that I forgot to mention; last night she touted a young female Olympic boxer who is from Detroit, and who had a fight scheduled for this morning(?), and who may well be a medal winner by now, and who lots of hometown folks were rooting on; it was The Best New Thing in the World yesterday.

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  54. nancy said on August 9, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    That was Claressa Shields, and she’s from Flint, and yes, she’s now a gold medalist. We’ll probably see 11 seconds of her fight tonight, before they switch back to more beach volleyball.

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  55. Jolene said on August 9, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    I don’t know how much we’ll see of Claressa Shields, but beach volleyball came to an end last night. We can go back to forgetting about it for four more years. Women’s soccer game just ended.

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  56. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on August 9, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    Bork got on the Supreme Court? I’ve missed quite a bit this summer, apparently. And got home to media just in time for Honey Weeping Boo Boo. Brian, I think Rachel Maddow does her job perfectly; didn’t have her in mind at all when I made my comment. We don’t agree on much, but she’s the best of their line-up . . . and it shows what a talent it takes to fill an hour that way that they only have one. If networks could get more, they would, but it just isn’t as easy as (to some) it looks. It’s like all the folks who want newspaper columns who occasionally get cursed with being given one — almost any schmo can post 500-750 words once or twice a week for a few months, but somewhere between three months and a year the realization that the next hole to be filled comes right on the heels of the one you just tamped down, and the editor again gets the “I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to…” e-mail.

    “Puts the “top” in utopia” was a non-Grecian rhetorical filip with no actual semantic content whatsoever. Sorry to be mildy willfully incoherent and confuse you, Prospero. I’ll try to be more precisely clear in the future.

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  57. brian stouder said on August 9, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    Bork got on the Supreme Court?

    That allegorical remark was preceded by the notion of a Romney victory in November.

    Really, I don’t think it’s in the cards; but who knows?

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  58. velvet goldmine said on August 9, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    I had a brief crush on Randy Travis as well. It ended when he was a guest mentor on American Idol and could not have had more gay panic over coaching Adam Lambert. He was a real dick to him, making fun of his black fingernail polish and the like.

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  59. Prospero said on August 9, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    Why wouldn’t a vagina be named after a male chicken? Makes perfect redneck sense.

    It’s a terrible thing that the Olympics didn’t include women’s boxing while Laila Ali was still in the game. Hypervintilation would have reached epidemic proportions among American TV and other sports commentors. I saw her bouts on TV a couple of times, and she appeared to inspire fear when she entered the squared circle.

    I hate beach volleyball. Volleyball is supposed to be cutthroat not finesse.

    O’Donnell and Maddow are always offering rebuttal airtime to rightwingers, but they all seem to be scared to try it.

    Perfect piece of music to wind down the workday:


    The great Danny Gatton with some amazing sax player, on the gorgeous Sky King from the excellent album Cruisin’ Deuces.

    Oh, and Claressa Shields, first female US Boxer to medal, takes gold, and she’s fracking 17 years old:


    Fox News is probably already finding fault with her hair.

    One more thing about LoLo Jones. Falling in track is serious. You are moving very fast and go down on an unforgiving surface. Getting tripped by a hurdle is like getting trebucheted into that hard surface, out of control, from a scary heightIt’s like falling off the fourth step of a stepladder. The hurdles are weighted at the bottom of the supports. You can’t train when you’re injured. Jones’ PR is 12.43 for 100m, and her best event is 60m, but her 100m PR is better than all but two of the times made by Gail Devers, considered the best ever in the US. People denigrating her effort and performance are ignorant about track, no offense meant to anybody here. And track people doing the same don’t like her for some other reason. But every single one of them runs for the publicity and the cash it brings in. That’s a fact.

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  60. Prospero said on August 9, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    This guy is just saying this because he’s an attention whore:


    And I edited the previous to say Jones’ time is better than all but two of Devers’, but the edit delays befor kicking in.

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  61. paddyo' said on August 9, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    Now, now — some of us (more than you may think) enjoy beach volleyball for . . . the volleyball. Those are some amazing athletes out there on the sand, regardless of what they’re wearing. Back in the day, during my first tour of duty for the Nation’s McPaper in the 1980s, I did a Cover Story about the then-young pro sport and the Southern California beach volleyball culture. Great fun getting to chat up Karch Kiraly and some of the other legends and soak up some of the scene. Like U.S. basketball, it’s a home-grown sport that Americans dominated for decades — and which players around the world have so embraced that they can now kick American butts (bikini’d or otherwise) at it, too.

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  62. Prospero said on August 9, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    Hooray. A new movie from Studio Ghibli, written by the master Miyazaki and directed by his son. Howl’s Moving Castle is one of the greatest pieces of cinema as art ever produced:


    It was kinda funny that the Brazilian beach vb teams had the abbreviation BRA printed on their tops. Brit weather sure had a lot of the players dressed warmer.

    Nobody ever spikes the ball.

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  63. Suzanne said on August 9, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    I watched a little of the track and field, but honestly don’t know one from the other, but I was impressed with the woman that had twin sons (who were darn cute!)

    I also don’t care if LoLo sleeps around or not. I really don’t.

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  64. LAMary said on August 9, 2012 at 7:29 pm


    Long link from Slate regarding the NYT article about Lolo Jones.

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  65. Prospero said on August 9, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    Very cool new songs performed live by Beth Orton on NPR:


    Just a guitar. None of her usual bleeps, bloops and Laurie Anderson sounding tricks.

    Misty May Treanor is married to a MLB player, Dodgers backup catcher Matt Treanor. His attitude about his wife’s athletic career is refreshing after reading that hatchet job in the NYT about LoLo Johes, and being subjected to conservative babble morons attacking a 16 year old gold medalist for how she fixed her hair:


    And Fox bozos can say what they like, their problem was the black kid besting the white golden child. Interesting, too, that the team that integrated MLB has two women as members of their three person major league training staff. LA also has an South Asian woman named Kim Ng as an assistant GM, a first in major professional sports.

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  66. Sherri said on August 9, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    I don’t really care one way or another about Lolo Jones, but I’ll say this about Jere Longman: at least he’s been regularly covering women’s sports at the Times for a while. He’s written often and well about women’s basketball. So he’s not the typical grumpy old sportswriter who’s looked up to discover that women are taking up space on his TV screen.

    I’ve come to like beach volleyball. I find it easier to follow the strategy in beach volleyball than in indoor. Plus, I remember watching Kerri Walsh as freshman on the indoor team at Stanford way back in the day.

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  67. Joe K said on August 9, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    As far as Harry Reid goes, if he can prove that mister Rommney has not paid taxes in 10 years, shouldn’t Mitt be in jail? Why wouldn’t good old Harry ring up the IRS and start prosecuting? Bill O has asked numerous times for Harry to appear on the factor but he won’t and why won’t Harry and that Polosi woman release their tax records?
    On a side note I soloed for the first time 33 yrs ago today, it was a 1946 Cessna 140 taildragger off a grass strip, magical.
    Pilot Joe

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  68. coozledad said on August 9, 2012 at 8:51 pm


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  69. alex said on August 9, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    As far as your hero Rush Limbaugh goes, if he can’t prove that Obama is a Muslim with a fake birth certificate then shouldn’t Mitt have the balls to tell him to shut the fuck up and quit making the GOP look like the party of fools that it has become?

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  70. brian stouder said on August 9, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    Joe – Happy 33rd! People who fly planes – high up in the sky, and in the weather and all – and who can find the airfield they’re headed for – even the first time (not to mention at night), have my everlasting respect!

    And Joe, between you and I, I think Harry is talking out his ass, too. But all is fair; Harry faced his voters and won a new 6 year term, and he’s getting in the Mittster’s grill.

    Really, I bet unelected lip-flappers (like on the AM radio dial every day) really just envy the raw power that Harry and his flapping lips has exerted.

    Indeed – you advance Harry’s argument when you (quite reasonably) say

    if he can prove that mister Rommney has not paid taxes in 10 years, shouldn’t Mitt be in jail?

    because your question is sensible at first, and then on second thought we realize that THAT ain’t the way the game is played! For example, we KNOW (from what little he has released) that Mitt has tens of millions of dollars in his IRA…and yet we also know WE canNOT contribute more than $6,000 per year into our IRAs.

    How did Mitt get that all that treasure through that narrow-necked bottle? Has he been contributing for 500 years? Or – is there some special rule that allows people with cash in Switzerland and the Cayman Islands to pull this trick off, and which we cannot avail ourselves of?

    In general, I subscribe to Lawrence O’Donnell’s theory. There was a major tax amnesty a decade ago, that encouraged people who had illegally escaped taxation via foreign bank accounts to repatriate money and pay their taxes.

    The only reason I think that has the ring of truth is that it would be so typical of Mitt’s luck; he’d have done the right thing (ultimately) and he could prove Harry wrong; but in the process he’d have to admit that he broke Federal Law and had been forgiven for it (which is something that most of us down-to-earth mortals will never, ever have to do).

    That would explain his intransigence on EVER releasing his taxes, despite that he probably has (ultimately) paid a lot of dollars to Uncle Sam.

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  71. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on August 9, 2012 at 9:02 pm

    I heard a guy on NPR somewhere last week comment that he’d not appreciated beach volleyball until he’d been invited to simply walk across the court from one side to the other, and found that the standard set-up means each step sank some 18 inches into soft sand — the next time he watched the players move around their side like they were walking on a parquet floor, it was startling to him, because now that he had a frame of reference, finding it incredible how they were making their plays at all.

    Of course, by the same logic, it would be a true sport to watch people run races on a surface covered with lard. Wearing bikinis.

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  72. Joe K said on August 9, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    Thanks I was smiling at 20,000ft dodging thunderstorms all the way home today.
    My problem with Harry or anyone who throws out accusations is it always somebody said, well who’s somebody? I figured Rommney paid taxes. If he didn’t, prove it and pitch him in jail.
    If he broke federal law who forgave him and how can it not be on record some place?
    Pilot Joe

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  73. Sue said on August 9, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    Rachel Maddow is reporting tonight that Ohio’s Republican-leaning counties are getting expanded early voting hours and Dem-leaning counties are getting early-voting hours cut, and the Republican secretary of state is stepping in to make it happen (or not, depending on the county) in the counties that are on the fence.
    MMJeff, your thoughts please?

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  74. coozledad said on August 9, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    Behold! The American oik:

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  75. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on August 9, 2012 at 10:11 pm

    Check out Ohio Revised Code on county boards of election; it’s a practice that’s baked into the cake. I don’t think it’s quite as tidy as Rachel is framing it, but I’m quite certain that in general it’s an accurate statement. But my county is getting expanded hours, so . . . oh, right. We vote GOP.

    Ohio Dems are in an odd state of disarray, and I’m baffled to account for it. I deal regularly with most of the key party people here (not the power people per se, but the folks who run the party itself), and they have said out loud, on the record, even quoted in the county daily, that they are disturbed by the near-complete meltdown of the Democratic Party organization here. We’ve had an epidemic of uncompetitive races on the municipal, township, and even county level offices, as well as school boards and similar positions. I just got back from chairing our Board of Zoning & Building Appeals, which is blessedly non-partisan, but we struggle to keep our five board slots filled, and we’re lucky in Granville, we’re told, because a number of similar panels work in near-non-quorumed dysfunction for lack of willing citizens to serve.

    You can doubt me if you wish, but this county’s Republican leaders miss having a vital, active Democratic Party both here and on the state level, and they say the same is true all across the state for their peers; we have some hefty union involvement on certain issues (like the infamous Issue 5 debates after Kasich was sworn at, or in), but when the single issue is over, the support and bodies and funding all evaporate. Republicans of good will think we’re a less effective party for having no hearty opposition, and the polling hours issue is a reflection of that.

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  76. Bitter Scribe said on August 9, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    Joe – You’re missing the point. It’s not that he did anything illegal, but the American people don’t want a system-gamer-in-chief.

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  77. Bitter Scribe said on August 9, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    God am I mad at NBC. I avoided news sites all day and averted my eyes from the TV in front of me, when I ran the treadmill, because I didn’t want to know how the U.S. women did at soccer. Then I get home and the SOBs don’t even replay the game! I should’ve just called in sick and watched it live.

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  78. Sue said on August 9, 2012 at 10:49 pm

    Thanks for your insight, Jeff.

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  79. Joe K said on August 9, 2012 at 11:19 pm

    It’s just a cheap shot. To me it’s the same as asking Harry if he has quit beating his wife.
    Pilot Joe

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  80. Prospero said on August 10, 2012 at 12:01 am

    Truth is stranger than fiction: McCotter version. GOP, proving fraud exists in the electoral proccess.

    And Sue@73: My question is, what the hell sort of so-called American can look at that and not call it crooked? Jeff(tmmo) Do you agree that is crooked politics that Boss Tweed would be proud of and Nast would portray in a cartoon? But hell, it’s Ohio, land of Ken Blackwell, another GOPer of good will, and his pal that ran Diebold in 2004 and guaranteeed a Shrub win after his company got the voting machine contract with equipment that was proven to be hackable by about Twelve Monkeys. With counties that in 2004 counted many more votes than they had registered voters. Ohio. Land of the screwed, Home of the crooked. And screwing with the early voting pretty much guarantees that some currently deployed service people will be disenfranchised, which the GOPers of God Will are trying to claim is Demcrats’ fault.

    Romney’s tax returns? Back in the Klown Kar Debates, RMoney promised to release 10 yrs of returns. Currently, the campaign insists it has released two. This is an outright lie. They have released on year plus some financial exposure info required to accompany a return. What’s logical is that the GOPNC has vetted Willard’s financials and decided to stonewall because there is something damaging there they’d prefer not to publish. What this is is anybody’s guess, but there are financial experts that can make educated guesses:

    What they might be hiding,


    These are informed surmises made by forensic financial experts, not speculation.

    What they really don’t want anybody digging into is the founding of Bain, and the foul murderers that were recruited back in 83 and 84 in Central America, namely in El Salvador, which the Rayguistaas couldn’t keep straight from the capital El Salvador so just called the whole mess Salvador. Thanks to John Kerry, everybody knows the sordid illegal dirty dealings directed by Ollie North, and also by Rummy and Cheney in the Disgraceful Iran-Contra affair. The Contras, led by the D’Aubisson family were promoted by Raygunistas as a bulwark agains Communist incursion in Central America, on a domino theory variation. Of course that was a bullshit excuse to protect American business interests in El Salvador including all sorts of international illegal financial behavior. The ARENA group were the rich landowners that had run a despotic oligarchy that kept Salvadorans down for years. These were the folks that Willard went to to get startup investments for Bain. You lay down with dogs,… Interesting timing too. Did Romney have dealings with BNLL, the crooked Italian bank that aundered money for the Contras while they funded the death squads.

    Willards going big with the astoundingly hypocritical “war on religion” shit earlier today. The Contras waged a real war on religion that wasn’t about contraception. It was about liberation theology Jesuits being murdered right and left, Maryknoll nuns working in hospitals and schools for the benefit of suppressed lower classes being raped and murdered, and assassinating Archbishop Romero, the oppressed people’s champion, while he was saying Mass and calling for the end and prosecution of the very death squads that wreaked all this violence. Nice bunch to be associated with Mittens. The benefit these ARENA party thugs got for investing in Mittens’ new hedge equity fund was clearly laundering cash being passed to them by North and the CIA from weapons sales to Iran. This is more than sordid, and undoubtedly some of it violates international and US financial law. Let’s have full disclosure on that vile shit Willard and the tax returns can wait.

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  81. Prospero said on August 10, 2012 at 12:35 am

    Scott Brown says wah, wah, you can’t register those eligible voters, they won’t vote for me. Don’t reasonable Americans want as many eligible voters to vote as possible? Isn’t that conducive to successful representative democracy?

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  82. Prospero said on August 10, 2012 at 12:38 am

    RMoney, Bain and the death squads:


    Pardon, but unlike Colonel North, I don’t think this is the American Way.

    The dumbass’ own petard.

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  83. Crazycatlady said on August 10, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    I mainly watch Toddlers and Tiaras to feel better about my parenting decisions. It doesn’t help. But I can’t help but notice the moms on these shows are more often obese than not. And Honey Boo Boo said herself that “I’m too fat!” I wonder about someone who spends tons of money to ‘win’ crowns and sashes, and very rarely cash. Maybe $500. The clothes cost thousands for dresses and costumes. Not to mention fees for entering! If these dumb broads would put that money away for college then it would make sense. And the pathetic audiences at those pageants? Just other parents and an occasional pedophile?? I glory at their idiocy. And I am ashamed of my guilty pleasure.

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