One busy weekend.

Welcome back, hostess-with-the-leastest. This has been a hectic past few days, but at the end of it:

1) I am a lifeguard. There will be no drowning if I have anything to say about it.

2) I nearly drowned my phone, but it recovered.

3) I attended an iftar on the last night of Ramadan.

4) I missed the Cannabis Cup.

I guess the catch-up begins on Thursday night, when a fundraiser I helped organize was held — it was a bikes-and-beer pub crawl/poker run, i.e, a visit to five closely adjacent historic taverns, on bicycles. The day was hot-hot-hot and sticky until it wasn’t, which in summer in the Midwest means we were all dying of sweatiness until a massive thunderstorm blew through. We were on stop no. 2 when it hit (the one with the best jukebox, I’m relieved to report), and it pinned us down past our departure time, and sundown. Finally, we made the executive decision to dash two blocks to the next place in a light shower, and things were pretty OK for a while.

I was riding what I called Bike Uber, our old Schwinn Twinn, a c. 1971 tandem that has a curb weight about half that of my car. I always liken its ride to that of a Soviet limousine; it takes its time getting up to cruising speed, but once it’s there, it has a spectacularly solid momentum that’s truly a pleasure to pilot.

We scratched the fourth bar and I was headed for the final stop, alone on the bike, in a light drizzle. And the skies opened. By “opened” I mean all the water in the world fell on my head for about two minutes. I was already damp, but now I was well and truly soaked to the skin. I checked in at the last bar, made sure I had no chores to do on the fundraiser, and left for home – air conditioning is nearly intolerable when you’re that wet.

But by then the rain had stopped for good, and the ride home was kinda magical. The pedaling banished the chill, and Grosse Pointe was reflecting light from every wet surface in the face of inky darkness. All the storm drains were gurgling; hardly anyone was out and about. When a car’s headlights appeared in front or behind me, I just turned a corner and adjusted the route home, noticing which blocks had the new LED streetlights and which still had the old ones. The Soviet-limousine ride was pleasant. I made it home in about 15-20 minutes, and didn’t even have the brown stripe of muddy water up my back, because old bike = fenders.

The only casualty was my phone, which had its ports facing up during the downpour, and the mic/speaker stopped working. But Alan put it in a bag of desiccant in the hot sun, and it healed itself.

Lo, I have a lucky star.

Saturday was more lifeguarding class. We practiced all our saves and had our water test, which we all passed. I still don’t feel competent, but I’m less incompetent. Sunday was the written test. The instructor plugged some gaps in our instruction, including the dreaded AFR — accidental fecal release. We were told the sanitation procedures for both the Baby Ruth variety and the chocolate-milk spill, and she revealed that some years ago, her lowest-performing guard arranged just such an event to force a closure and an early quitting time for himself.

Reader, I cannot tell a lie: My first thought was, I bet I know who he voted for.

And Saturday night was a big feed for the final night of Ramadan. Dearborn was popping. Fireworks and food trucks all over, once the sun went down. There were Eid gifts for the children, and for once, I went home from a dinner party with no wine in my belly and woke up Sunday feeling just fine, although not capable of driving 70 miles north to the Cannabis Cup, where LAMary’s son was selling swag. I should’ve, but it just felt like a bridge too far.

So sorry, Pete.

I didn’t have time to do more than glance at the Sunday papers. What did I miss?

Posted at 8:38 pm in Same ol' same ol' |

58 responses to “One busy weekend.”

  1. susan said on June 25, 2017 at 8:51 pm

    “Reader, I cannot tell a lie: My first thought was, I bet I know who he voted for.

    That made me laugh! (I find myself saying that often, after someone displays ignorant stupidity of some variety or another.)

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  2. Suzanne said on June 25, 2017 at 9:17 pm

    Made me laugh, too, Susan. Glad to know I am not the only one who has these thoughts.

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  3. coozledad said on June 25, 2017 at 9:24 pm

    What did I miss?

    Donald Trump copped to working with the Russians and the press found a way to suck his dick.

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  4. basset said on June 25, 2017 at 9:28 pm

    So, what IS the approved procedure if someone pinches a loaf in the pool, or worse?

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  5. nancy said on June 25, 2017 at 9:42 pm

    For a Baby Ruth: Remove it, treat the water with appropriate chemicals, reopen in two hours. For the liquid version, shock the pool and close for two days.

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  6. coozledad said on June 25, 2017 at 9:50 pm

    There’s some kind of Beatles shit going on. My contribution. Paul is a gifted motherfucker.

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  7. Joe Kobiela said on June 25, 2017 at 10:18 pm

    Great job,
    Pilot Joe

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  8. Charlotte said on June 25, 2017 at 10:36 pm

    I can tell which tourists-in-huge-trucks voted for Trump by the distance by which they tailgate me in my tiny Honda Fit.

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  9. jcburns said on June 25, 2017 at 10:55 pm

    Alan has become The Master of Dessicant Technology, eh?

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  10. devtob said on June 25, 2017 at 10:59 pm

    Can’t tell for sure, but I assume every guy (and they are all white guys) driving a huge pickup is a Trump voter.

    Trump is all about dominance and display, and so is driving a huge pickup.

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  11. susan said on June 26, 2017 at 12:27 am

    devbob @10 – Not every guy. A good friend’s husband bought one of those huge Dodge Ram 3500 4 x 4 trucks, which shocked me the first time he drove up to my place in it. She just rolled her eyes, “I had nothing to do with that. That’s his truck.” I said I was going to buy a set of those scrotums you hang from the tow hitch. “No, please don’t!” They are both very progressive righteous liberal people. He retired and now spends most his time building stuff for Habitat for Humanity, and he hauls stuff in the back of it. But…he’s a very short guy…Hm.mmm

    A dear friend, who is a super progressive atheist liberal, and a LOT of fun, also bought one o’ them monster diesel Dodge Rams. But he’s 6’5″ and has a hard time finding any vehicle he can fit into. He can fit into this truck. I can’t even see over the side of the bed without standing on a box. I wonder if Fred, the short one, can even depress the clutch. Oh wait. It’s not a manual trans.


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  12. LAMary said on June 26, 2017 at 12:58 am

    Free Bootsy Collins performance with an all access pass and you missed it. The other son worked an Alice Cooper concert at an Indian Casino in Temecula the other day. Multiple sixtyish ladies with rhinestone cowboy hats riding Rascal scooters. My sons are seeing the world.
    It’s older son’s birthday today, btw. 27 years old. We went out for a late lunch, earlier supper and had a great time.

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  13. Dexter said on June 26, 2017 at 3:06 am

    Realizing this ain’t no goddam sports blog, anyway…Detroit hard core Tiger fans are in an uproar… as well, the Tigers are about the worst team in the American League. These fans are clamoring for immediate firings of field boss manager Brad Ausmus and general manager Al Avila.
    Another of my cable-TV teams, The Cincinnati Redlegs, are even worse. At least Cleveland, my other cable team, are pretty good, or were, until Minnesota just swept them.
    It must have been great fun driving to and through Cincinnati Sunday…Brent Spence I-75 bridge , one lane, traffic backed up to Sharonville…I-71 totally shut down both ways for three hours for construction or a wreck or something…the freeway loop around the city into Kentucky stop and go for long periods.

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  14. David C. said on June 26, 2017 at 6:35 am

    I know an RWNJ who drives a Prius. It goes both ways.

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  15. Jeff (the mild-mannered one) said on June 26, 2017 at 7:45 am

    Susan — it’s like you can’t extrapolate everything about a person from any one thing about them! Thanks for your notes on that subject.

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  16. Suzanne said on June 26, 2017 at 7:47 am

    Here in the Hoosier state, it’s the addition of a large confederate flag or two to the truck that shows the truck owner’s mindset. Always amazes me. Must be those liberal elite historians that say IN was not part of the confederacy. But I have noticed that in these parts, the guy with “In God We Trust” or “We the People” tattoo on his forearm are the most likely to try to tell me that Hamilton was president or not have ever heard of the Aticles of Confederation.

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  17. Deborah said on June 26, 2017 at 8:42 am

    “Multiple sixtyish ladies with rhinestone cowboy hats riding Rascal scooters. ”
    Perfect description.

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  18. ROGirl said on June 26, 2017 at 8:53 am

    I don’t like to extrapolate, but I have noticed that people with Michigan State vanity plates are shitty drivers.

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  19. Peter said on June 26, 2017 at 9:03 am

    Mango Mussolini is like my career – every time I think it can’t go lower I find a staircase to the next basement.

    Now he only gets interviewed by Fox, and it can’t be any prominent interviewer – only the biggest sycophants get picked.

    I’m flipping through the channels on Sunday morning and I actually heard the interviewer say “Mr. President, what do you think is the only thing holding you back from achieving all of your great agenda – is it the obstructionist Democrats, the fake mainstream media, or the evil deep state?”

    Let’s just say the spirit of Coozledad inhabited my body for several minutes.

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  20. coozledad said on June 26, 2017 at 9:33 am

    The Republicans are now saying that collusion with the Russians is fine, because they’re born traitors. A race of natural slaves.

    This is also confirmation that Trump invited the Russians to fuck with the election. Kislyak’s exit is another clue. The election was illegitimate.

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  21. brian stouder said on June 26, 2017 at 10:07 am

    Cooze’s link is superbly superb!

    To wit:

    A Narcissists Prayer

    That didn’t happen.
    And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.
    And if it was, that’s not a big deal.
    And if it is, that’s not my fault.
    And if it was, I didn’t mean it.
    And if I did,
    You deserved it.

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  22. coozledad said on June 26, 2017 at 10:27 am

    A party rushing this bill to passage has no intention of facing voters in 2018. Some fucked up shit is coming.

    Look for the Supreme Court to give the go ahead for political gerrymandering and other voter suppression tools.

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  23. Charlotte said on June 26, 2017 at 10:40 am

    Here in MT almost all the vehicles are ginormous pickups — it’s the tailgatey ones that are the worst, who seem to object to my car on principle. And don’t even get me started on the RVs. There goes our climate, one gigantic vehicle at a time …

    And Roxane Gay, who grew up and has lived all over the rural Midwest, says the racism in Indiana “broke me.” Sounds like she’s actively looking for a new position, which as hot as she is right now, shouldn’t be too hard:

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  24. Mark P said on June 26, 2017 at 10:58 am

    I’ve had a pickup for more than 30 years. I have occasionally thought about not having one, but then I remember the last time I went to the home store and brought home 20 bags of mulch, or a bunch of 10-foot 2-by-4’s. We also live in the country with no garbage pickup. We have to take our garbage and recycling to a county transfer station, and unless we want to make a trip every day, we have to leave our garbage outside for several days (usually a week). Even in plastic bags inside a can with a lid, somehow flies get in and we have maggots on the bags. Plus in the summer the stench is pretty bad. No way I’m hauling that inside a car.

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  25. Julie Robinson said on June 26, 2017 at 11:11 am

    Congratulations, Nancy! what a proud achievement.

    Okay Hamilton fan, who else thought of the Jefferson showstopper by the same name when they read, What Did I Miss?

    Happy birthday to LAMary’s oldest son! Speaking of feeling old, a high school classmate of our daughter just had his eldest graduate. #startedtooyoung

    I know at least one Prius driver who is a right winger, though I also know he didn’t vote for Trump because he doesn’t believe he’s a good Christian. Our son, who is almost radically left wing, drives a Nissan pickup. It’s not a monster truck, but it’s not small either, because they don’t make the small trucks of the 70’s anymore. He likes to be the friend that will help you move or haul stuff from the lumberyard.

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  26. brian stouder said on June 26, 2017 at 11:28 am

    Julie – your post #25 captures much!

    Sort of the quintessential difference in the World View of people such as your fine young son, and some insecure faux cowboy “rugged individual”* who drives a truck ’cause that’s what a man does’!

    *no group was ever more heavily subsidized by Uncle Sam than the semi-mythical cowboys of the late 19th century. Who was consuiming all that beef that they drove to Kansas City and other remote rail-heads?**

    The United States Army, mostly….

    **and not for nothing, but who heavily subsidized those transcontinental railroads, in the first place?

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  27. Sherri said on June 26, 2017 at 11:58 am

    The unholy trinity:

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  28. coozledad said on June 26, 2017 at 12:15 pm

    So much for the establishment clause. When they decide the state religion will be some flavor of evangelical Protestantism, maybe they’ll bring back witch trials, too.

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  29. Suzanne said on June 26, 2017 at 12:22 pm

    Why does the NY Times even publish this drivel? To seem bipartisan?

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  30. brian stouder said on June 26, 2017 at 12:30 pm

    Totally random factoid on today’s “On This Day” calendar, which dovetails with our Proprietress’s bike story:

    on this day in 1819 in New York City, a velocipede (bicycle) was patented by WK Clarkson, Jr. ….and I betcha it was heavy!

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  31. Jakash said on June 26, 2017 at 12:38 pm

    Cooz @ 20, Brian @ 21,

    It didn’t work for George Costanza, but evidently they think, even after about a century of railing against Commies, that the “Was that wrong?” defense is good enough for Rumpelthinskin and Co.

    And fine McCartney song @ 6, Cooz…

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  32. Heather said on June 26, 2017 at 1:00 pm

    Cooz, I agree. The 2018 elections are going to be anything but free and fair.

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  33. Jakash said on June 26, 2017 at 1:01 pm

    “What if there was some sort of national, *ongoing* GoFundMe campaign, to which *everyone* contributed regularly — the proceeds from which would cover *anyone* in need of health care?”

    Tom Tomorrow cartoon:

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  34. Charlotte said on June 26, 2017 at 1:10 pm

    Brian Stouder — who is subsidizing all those big pickups? There was a tax break for vehicles over a certain weight if you (wink wink nudge nudge) claimed you needed it for work …

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  35. Sherri said on June 26, 2017 at 1:32 pm

    Charlotte, don’t you know that it’s transit and trains and cities that get the big subsidies, not the hard-working, salt of the earth, real Americans who pay their own way and earn everything they get?

    I get seriously annoyed at the people who complain about tax money being “wasted” on transit and light rail “when nobody uses it” – translation “I don’t use it” – instead of “fixing our traffic problems.” People don’t think their car lifestyle is being subsidized.

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  36. adrianne said on June 26, 2017 at 2:14 pm

    Dexter, no baseball team is worse than my Phillies so far this year. We suck, and we’re proud!

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  37. brian stouder said on June 26, 2017 at 2:43 pm

    Sherri – indeed; and here’s a thing which stopped me cold:

    A very nice guy I work with – and who owns a Chevy Volt – was railing the other day (pardon the stretched transit-pun) because our locality is looking to place a wheel tax (or some such) on electric vehicles and hybrids, since they (largely) miss out on paying fuel taxes.

    There’s gotta be a semi-equitable way to re-balance things, and indeed, I’d bet the trend is only going to gain speed

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  38. Suzanne said on June 26, 2017 at 2:44 pm

    But, by gum, Indiana is first again! Woot!!

    Bet VP My Pants is proud as a peacock. No, not a peacock. They have rainbow-ish colored tails and you know what that means.

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  39. Joe Kobiela said on June 26, 2017 at 2:59 pm

    Thanks Obama,
    Since he single handedly saved the auto industry, I guess we need to blame him for all those pickup trucks.
    So how does it work? Responsible for giant pickups=bad, or gets credit for the jobs those pickups provide=good
    Just wondering.
    Pilot Joe

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  40. Joe Kobiela said on June 26, 2017 at 3:04 pm

    And no I’m not trying to start a fight, or trolling, just trying to look at things a few different ways.
    Carry on.
    Pilot Joe

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  41. brian stouder said on June 26, 2017 at 3:22 pm

    A bit of a stretch, Joe – but, that said – I’ve had less trouble with boneheads driving pick-ups than with bone-heads driving (choose one): Corvettes, big motorcycles, Mustangs (not including my brother!), and mo-peds.

    If you’re familiar with Fort Wayne, yesterday afternoon I was cruising north on Calhoun Street, not very far north of South Side High School, and a shiney red, beautiful Corvette was tailgating the crap out of me. He kept jaking left, as if he was gonna do a pass – but there were pedestrians and on-coming cars and so on, and (to his credit) he thought better of pulling a bonzai move….until we got to the railroad overpass, whereupon I took the left lane and he leaped onto the power and dove into the right lane – and flew past me and then jumped onto the binders to get stopped by the redlight at Douglas Street. That guy was a lunatic, and he made me angry, and he wasn’t in a truck.

    And indeed – nice non-sequitur on the auto-bailout. No doubt, if Trump began his presidency with a crisis of the magnatude that Obama got handed (remember that banking collapse?) one shudders to think what his solution would even be.

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  42. coozledad said on June 26, 2017 at 3:59 pm

    Republicans are traitors. Natural slaves. All of them lined up to kiss that Russian dick.

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  43. coozledad said on June 26, 2017 at 4:13 pm

    Imagine being such a frothing racist git that you’d happily sell your country out to a right nationalist foreign power. And then screaming about “civility.”

    They need to be horsewhipped into shipping containers headed to Russia.

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  44. coozledad said on June 26, 2017 at 4:20 pm

    Displays of Republican “Manhood.” Cowardly blackshirt scum.

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  45. Dorothy said on June 26, 2017 at 4:25 pm

    Charlotte @ 23: Roxane Gay was just at my niece’s bookshop in Athens, GA on the 21st of this month. The event sold out quickly and she was a big hit with the crowd. This was just about a week after the huge David Sedaris event. David stayed signing books until 3:00 in the morning.

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  46. Deborah said on June 26, 2017 at 4:42 pm

    Joe, I don’t understand how you can defend Trump, the man known as one of the absolute worst human beings of his generation. What does that say about our society?

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  47. coozledad said on June 26, 2017 at 4:50 pm

    This is what Joe’s people are. I had several clashes with them during the course of the election, and they were always on the verge of violence, as long as they thought they had you outnumbered. As soon as the numbers hit parity, they ran. They’re racist trash, and once you’re in that human basement, nothing else means anything to you.

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  48. jcburns said on June 26, 2017 at 5:23 pm

    Joe, when you say sarcastically “since he [Obama] single handedly saved the auto industry,” you’re minimizing an ACTUAL important and profound achievement of his administration that he most definitely did NOT crow about.

    The Obama team’s work on the stimulus and the bailout of Detroit was huge, and affected us all positively. And unlike the guy in the office now, Obama, if anything, undersold his team’s work.

    If you can’t think back to how messed up the economy was at the beginning of the Obama first term and then realistically evaluate how much better they left it for Trump and company, well, those are the kind of observable facts that I think we should all hang our hat on. And another observable fact is that unlike George W. Bush and Barack Obama, Donald Trump has a (growing) record for taking credit for other folks’ work, both real and fictional.

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  49. Deborah said on June 26, 2017 at 5:59 pm

    An article in Rolling Stone by Ed of Gin and Tacos Not something you didn’t know, but a good pep talk. Hopefully it reaches people who need to read it.

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  50. coozledad said on June 26, 2017 at 6:05 pm

    Republican bedshitters ask for $25,000 each for private security. Gutter cowards.

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  51. Dexter said on June 26, 2017 at 6:09 pm

    take just four minutes: Ramadan episode.

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  52. Diane said on June 26, 2017 at 6:13 pm

    Dexter @ 13, I gotta say that my Orioles, after a semi-decent start, are now doing their best to earn the worst team in the American League title.

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  53. David C. said on June 26, 2017 at 6:31 pm

    This is a tweet from Dumbass Douchebag Grover Norquist (I think that’s his full name).
    How Republicans are born…
    Daughter, 8, has been savings up to buy her first Guitar.
    Found it for $35. She had 35 exact.
    Then…sales tax

    First, a $35 guitar? That mofo has been scamming for so long you would think he would have the scratch to buy her a decent guitar. My parents bought me my trumpet when I wanted to be in band and they hardly had two nickels to rub together. Does she have to buy her own food?

    Second, I thought wingnuts loved sales taxes because it lets the rich get off pretty much to a rounding error.

    Third, I knew when I was probably six or seven that a 25 cent candy bar was 26 cents with tax. If she was surprised by that she needs to get out more.

    Finally, “savings up” and capitalizing Guitar?

    Someone should call social services for the poor girl.

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  54. Scout said on June 26, 2017 at 6:41 pm

    If it looks like trolling, sounds like trolling and smells like trolling, it’s probably trolling. Just sayin’.

    Nancy, your weekend sounds like a whole lot of fun and adventure. Congrats on passing lifeguard training, and the description of the cruiser you were riding was so well done, I could practically feel the ride.

    We drove up to Mt Lemmon near Tucson on Saturday. It was a welcome relief from the heat in Phoenix. There is a small ski area with a lift that operates to the top even in the summer, but on this visit we had a friend with us who had quad bypass surgery in April, so we’ll go back another time to ride to the top for the really big views. It was just wonderful to be up in the pines with temps only in the 80s, even if just for a day.

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  55. Deborah said on June 26, 2017 at 6:56 pm

    Rain and hail in Abiquiu today, I hope this is the beginning of the monsoon season, but it’s actually a bit early.

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  56. Sherri said on June 26, 2017 at 7:42 pm

    The son of one of our group took a video of us receiving our award at the banquet. Each award winner was introduced with a video, and for ours, I guess since the work was done so long ago, the video takes a trip in the wayback machine…

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  57. Heather said on June 27, 2017 at 7:37 pm

    Well, I had a very upsetting experience today. I decided to go for a walk around 4 in a nature area near where I work. It’s right next to a creek. I was walking and I saw a sort of whirlpool or disturbance in the water–I thought maybe the town had put in some sort of aerating feature or something. I got closer and realized it was a struggling duck, wings flapping frantically, obviously stuck on something. There was no one around and I didn’t know what to do. I actually waded into the water to try to get it, but it was very sticky and mucky and my feet sank fast, so I wasn’t able to get out there. I’m afraid that made the duck even more frantic. I climbed back on to the riverbank to try to call the police but the duck went under. Who knows how long it had been struggling. I wish I could have saved it.

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