The fan club.

Warren Zevon died more than two years ago, and ever since, I’ve been wondering if I could learn to love again. Never mind the essential question of whether a woman my age should even have an imaginary rock-star boyfriend; could my heart stand it? After all, chances are anyone I would pick would be old ‘n’ stuff, and likely headed for decrepitude at roughly the same accelerated rate I am. Musicians are famous for their misspent youth, which has a way of catching up with one later in life. (Hello, David Crosby. Hello, Keith Richard. That blood change working out for you?) Anyone I loved would be far more likely to take sick than your average Backstreet Boy. Does a girl need this in her life?

Well, yes. Mooning over unattainable performing artists with which one has made an entirely imaginary bond keeps one young. At least as long as firearms stay out of the picture. This is something I believe.

So congratulations, Rodney Crowell. I picked up “Fate’s Right Hand” over the weekend and decided it’s you. Sorry, but I won’t be able to see the shows the way I saw Warren’s, but what the hell — I’m buying the back catalog. This is the best I can do.

I should listen to more alt-country. The “alt,” I’ve found, means “not a redneck asshole singing about wanting to take a poke at Osama if only he didn’t have this three-record deal that keeps him tied down stateside.” You want to go out drinking with Lucinda Williams, you know?

Speaking of excitable redneck assholes, have you ever seen Bill Maher do his Kobe Teeth character? Not too far off the mark, if you ask me.

After blogging yesterday’s story about the Kronk, I had to see if the script for “Out of Sight” was online. It is. “Out of Sight” is a remarkable movie, proof that once Jennifer Lopez had something close to acting talent, among other things. It’s also, for my money, the best single Elmore Leonard adaptation, mainly because the screenwriter, Scott Frank, had the sense to leave the source material alone. Except in the final scene, which isn’t in the book, which shows that even Leonard can be improved upon, if you do it right:

Before Foley can say anything, the back door is opened once more and the Marshal helps ANOTHER PRISONER — a black man with a shaved head — into the back of the van.

Jack Foley meet Hejira Henry.

An annoyed Foley stares at the guy as the marshal shuts the door then gets in up front with Karen.

Hejira? What kinda name is that?


What’s it mean, “No Hair”?

The Hejira was the flight of Mohammed
from Mecca in 622.

The flight?

The brothers in Leavenworth gave me
the name.

You were at Leavenworth, huh?

For a time.


Meaning time came, I left.

You busted out?

I prefer to call it an exodus from an
undesirable place.

(interested now)
And how long was it before they caught
up with you?

That time?

There were others.

Yeah. That was the ninth.

(really interested)
The ninth?

Ten, you count the prison hospital in
Ohio I walked away from.

You must be some kinda walker, Henry.


And so now you’re off to Glades.

Apparently, yeah. I was supposed to
leave last night with the lady marshal,
but for some reason she wanted to wait.

(looks at Karen)
She did, huh.

Cheaper I guess, take us both down in
one van.

Yeah, could be. Or maybe she thought
we’d have a lot to talk about.

Like what?

I don’t know.
It’s a long way down to Florida.

Posted at 9:31 pm in Uncategorized |

10 responses to “The fan club.”

  1. Tori said on December 21, 2005 at 10:10 pm

    Thanks for posting the Out of Sight script. It’s one of my favorite movies.

    75 chars

  2. basset said on December 21, 2005 at 10:25 pm

    Rodney was in Emmylou Harris’ band on her second, third and fourth albums, “Elite Hotel,” “Luxury Liner,” and “Quarter Moon in a Ten Cent Town” … don’t miss those as you’re digging up the back catalog.

    “Alt-country” doesn’t always mean what you think it does… all too often it’s the same people who would have been doing disco in the Seventies and punk in the Eighties just riding the latest wave… but you can indeed find some interesting stuff in that vein.

    467 chars

  3. Dorothy said on December 22, 2005 at 7:02 am

    I’m with ya on Rodney. The show I saw this past July ROCKED. I can’t wait ’til he comes back!

    95 chars

  4. Joe Kobiela said on December 22, 2005 at 9:53 am


    What did Toby Kieth ever do to you to get you so upset? I understand you do not like the war in Iraq, that is all right by me, you are entitiled to your view, but I can not think of a single thing Toby Kieth would have said to upset you and call the guy a asshole. I saw a interview with him shortly after the song american way came out and he said he wished he could do more to help. The General of the Marines told him to just keep on doing what he did best and that was to boost the moral of the troops and not everyone can be in the army. Just help the best way you can. Take a look at the vidio and tell me he is not helping those kids out to the best of his ability, look at their faces. Ask your self, if you agree with the war or not, What have I done to help? Have you Maby seen a soldier and his family eating and offered to buy them dinner? How about sending some Money to the USO? or maby next time you see a soldier just walk up and tell him or her thank you for doing what you do. My niece is a combat nurse and her husband is a ranger, I had the pleasure of going too their wedding this past summer and met there soldier friends, and let me tell you. You will never meet a better bunch of people. These kids are the cream of the crop and they want to do the job over there, and do not need or want to here the crying and moaning of a the left wing. You know I do not like the Dixie Chicks or Barbra Striesand or Susan Surandon or there friends, but I would not call them an asshole. Let the man sing his songs and boost moral.

    Sorry I am unable to write well or spell correctly, but I just thought this needed to be adressed.

    In closing I do hope your Family has a Merry Christmas and a great new year.

    Cheers from Auburn


    1755 chars

  5. basset said on December 22, 2005 at 11:42 am

    tell ya what, let’s change the song to…

    “We’ll put a Birkenstock in your ass

    It’s the lib’rul way…”

    and see how that goes over…

    142 chars

  6. brian stouder said on December 22, 2005 at 12:15 pm

    Well not to digress – but I just thought I’d report that I’ve had great success and many pleasant years since ‘forming an imaginary bond’ with the resident unattainable journalistic artist ever since she first appeared in my town’s newspaper 20-odd years ago.

    There was a lean time after she diappeared from hereabouts, and before I discovered this place –

    but now I once again happily moon over her ruminations and occasionally (and no doubt carefully calibrated) caustic commentaries.

    And indeed – 20 years ago I was much more avidly right-wing; whereas nowadays I read the Captain Jackson piece and immediately see all the parallels between that rube and our Rube-in-Chief; and if even Captain Jackson isn’t above the law (even despite working to protect the good people of Jackson) – certainly our crusading super hero president is, too, eh?

    But you know what they say about old married couples becoming more alike as the years go by…I suppose my long-term imaginary relationship with Madame Telling Tales not only keeps me young, but pulled me to the left

    1075 chars

  7. the insider said on December 22, 2005 at 12:26 pm

    There’s a reminiscence in the current Philadelphia magazine by a real life girlfriend of Zevon’s. Not exactly a cheery piece.

    126 chars

  8. Nance said on December 22, 2005 at 2:06 pm

    Which is why imaginary girlfriend-hood is the best kind.

    56 chars

  9. mary said on December 23, 2005 at 2:22 pm

    I keep waiting for Jennifer Lopez to be an actress again. She was really good in Out of Sight. It is a great script, of course. I watched the movie “Enough” on cable about a year ago, and JLo is terrible, but not as terrible as the script. Even my eleven year old can imitate the crappy dialogue from that movie.

    316 chars

  10. Emmy Lou said on October 6, 2006 at 4:49 am

    Emmy Lou Harris is one of the all time divas in country music of our era.Her crisp volcals and simple riffs make her a master of music and above any other female entertainer…In this century. she sets the prescience for women musiciqns… She is why I learned to play bass, keyboard, sax, claurent, and guitar… Very inspiring…. Thanks

    339 chars