Ashley Morris.

    Ashley on Homework.
    October 7th, 2003  7:47 am

  1. Sorry, Nance. A thief am I. I got "rock the llama's ass" from when I was a DJ and played Wesley Willis nonstop for an entire 4 hour set. They didn't let me do the late night shift for about a month after that. Then I played Petrouchka, Le Sacre du Printemps, and the Spartacus ballet for the early morning shift. They didn't let me do that again for about 3 weeks. Old ladies were calling and complaining that it wasn't "restful" enough to wake up with in the morning. Rock over London. Rock on Chicago.
  2. ashley on Grr.
    October 7th, 2003  7:51 am

  3. Not as much food? Homey don't think so. I believe I saw a "60 minutes" feature on their dining plan: http://www.dining.harvard.edu/frameset_res.html
  4. ashley on Get in line.
    October 14th, 2003  7:15 am

  5. Good riddance. However, the dittoheads have the combined IQ of a sack of hammers, so they will all happily hoist their vacuous noggins on the bandwagon again, and talk about the liberal media crucifying the true conservative, representative voices of 'Merica yet again. Vote Kucinich.
  6. ashley on My homework assignment.
    October 15th, 2003  7:18 pm

  7. In St. Petersburg in 1997, I was walking down Nevsky Prospekt, and stopped at the Grand Hotel Evropa. They were advertising "Bud and Burger: $8". After a week in Eastern Europe, this actually looked good. So I order my burger, get my Bud (they can't call it Budweiser there because the Czechs own that name), and pound it down. I walk up to the bar for another Bud, and this gorgeous blonde is standing beside me. Being a fearless virile American heterosexual, I say to myself, what the hell. So I look at her and say "Hi, what's your name". She responds "Two hundred dollars". Without missing a beat, I say "Is that your first name, your last name, or is that what your friends call you?" She looks confused, thinks for a second, then says again "two hundred dollars". Finally, I'm served my Bud, and I walk away. And out in front of the hotel were all of the Russian Mafia guys wearing the uniform: khaki pants, black shirts, italian loafers with no socks, and wrap-around sunglasses. Oh, and they were all leaning on black mercedes, black BMWs, or black somethings. I didn't follow my Rick Steves guide and try to strike up a conversation...
  8. ashley on It was 20 years ago, but not today.
    October 15th, 2003  7:09 pm

  9. Coquettish. That's how I'm describing that picture of you on the boat with the Beavis-like forehead. Coquettish. A nice word. Not like troika, but nice nonetheless. Perhaps for your half hour, you could discuss your breasts. I know you've written a few treatises on them, and here's your chance to delve into the exciting world of performance art! And yes, Texans, as well as most Southerners, have intense national pride. Note also Dick's use of "y'all". Instead of the repellant "youse", we have made up for the inadequacies of English by using "you" for singular, "y'all" for plural, and "all y'all" for plural collective. Yee hah, indeed.
  10. ashley on No duh.
    October 18th, 2003  6:28 am

  11. Well, the f word is gone wif da wind. Now, if you say the N word, you will lose your job. My question is, what the hell do I call my old Richard Pryor albums? In my graduate linguistics class, we discussed how "fuck" is the only word in English (and we thought perhaps any language) that can be used as any part of speech. Really. I almost bought a t-shirt on Bourbon Street that said "fuck you, you fucking fuck". From what I have read, the NBC censors gave Homicide more leeway than any series ever up to that point. Of course, the only things that other shows really copied was the shaky handhelds and the coarse language. God forbid they notice the writing, acting, and lack of car chases and shootouts. There is still a magic word or 2. Nigger and cunt will still stop conversations in their tracks. Period.
  12. ashley on One fine day.
    October 18th, 2003  6:15 am

  13. He reminds me of the rich kids in high school that lived in the neighborhood you could only dream of. Of course, instead of being like the evil rich kids in every John Hughes movie, he's the nice rich kid who wants to date Molly Rigwald because she has a beautiful mind even though she's from the wrong side of the tracks. And he's married to a lawyer, so he has no soul, and deserves the same fate as Steve Bartman.
  14. ashley on One fine day.
    October 18th, 2003  6:16 am

  15. He reminds me of the rich kids in high school that lived in the neighborhood you could only dream of. Of course, instead of being like the evil rich kids in every John Hughes movie, he's the nice rich kid who wants to date Molly Rigwald because she has a beautiful mind even though she's from the wrong side of the tracks. And he's married to a lawyer, so he has no soul, and deserves the same fate as Steve Bartman.
  16. ashley on Ick.
    October 20th, 2003  6:46 am

  17. Maybe it's not being a New Yorker, but I just never really, really got Woody Allen. Yeah, Without Feathers and Getting Even were kind of cute, but I didn't walk away feeling like this was the work of some grand intellectual. Sure I liked some of his movies, but I never really felt much empathy for any of the characters. Then, when he talked about someone being shat upon...well, I guess he's topical or somesuch. Maureen Dowd, otoh, rocks. An intellectual redhead. Boo-ya.
  18. ashley on Same to you, boss.
    October 28th, 2003  6:32 pm

  19. That's exactly one of the reasons why I bailed, got my Ph.D., and got a professor gig. Tenure rules.
  20. ashley on Geek fun.
    October 30th, 2003  8:03 pm

  21. OK, this is ancient history, but we should all know that the term HAL was derived by taking IBM and going back one letter in the alphabet for each initial. What you may not know is that this was repeated in the 90s. Dave Cutler, chief engineer for operating systems at Digital, was hired by MS to create their new operating system. The operating system he designed at DEC was called VMS. People always thought that NT in Windoze NT meant "New Technology". In fact, it was a homage to 2001. VMS became WNT.
  22. ashley on Geek fun.
    October 30th, 2003  8:07 pm

  23. As stated in my class policies: http://morrisxp.cstcis.cti.depaul.edu/classes/policy.html#Interruptions, if a cell phone goes off in class, and you are not a physician or firefighter on call, you lose a letter grade. Or you have the option of letting me answer it. One time a guy let me answer it... I don't think she went out with him anymore.
  24. ashley on Geek fun.
    October 31st, 2003  1:24 am

  25. Jenny, I guess you didn't actually read the policy for which I provided the link. My classes usually do, and they realize that if they are in any of those situations you mentioned, all they have to do is tell me about it. And no, my phone has never gone off in class unless it was in vibrate mode. Many times I will, at the beginning of class, put the phone into vibe mode along with the whole class. Togetherness! The letter grade threat is one of the few things that will actually get them to pay attention. Have I ever docked someone a letter grade? No. OTOH, if there was no threat, phones would ring all the time. A colleague had one student who actually answered her phone during class. When he told her to hang up, she held up her forefinger in the air telling him to wait a minute. No shit. Last week, during a midterm in my class, a student went into the hall to make a cell call. During the test. No shit. What does this have to do with learning? Well, maintaining order and minimizing distractions in class has a whole hell of a lot to do with learning. I care about my students, and the ones that don't fuck up my class deserve not to have their time and money wasted.
  26. ashley on Geek fun.
    October 31st, 2003  8:35 pm

  27. "...her arrogance and condescension..."? Hissssssss. Feel again, Jen, before you call me a woman. Jenny, I would love to see you attempt to conduct a class full of 45 undergrads with your Dr. Spock techniques. Maybe that would work in a class of 15, all of whom desperately wanted to be in there. Not in a required undergraduate class with 45 sophomores, at least 10 of whom would rather not be there. At that point, my job is to get to the other 35. Oh, Randy, nice line!
  28. ashley on Geek fun.
    October 31st, 2003  11:00 pm

  29. Sorry, Jenny, I hope the point doesn't get in the way of your argument. Since you're hiding behind anonymity (nope@nope.com), keep t'rowin' dem stones! No need to answer the issues with which you were presented, when you can become petty and accentuate your magnificent grasp of the English language. BTW, as I mentioned before, feel again. You go, girl!
  30. ashley on Geek fun.
    November 1st, 2003  12:50 am

  31. I just wish she'd quit referring to me as a woman...
  32. ashley on I was the afternoon DJ on WEIRD...
    November 3rd, 2003  6:32 pm

  33. Nance, love the Harry Chapin reference...
  34. ashley on The naked truth.
    November 4th, 2003  10:55 am

  35. Heh heh....you said "titties"....heh heh. Sorry. Nude beaches in Europe get quite dull for me after about 5 minutes. Topless seem to be much more interesting. However, it seems that the typical euro nude beach patron is a 50+ year old man who is far too relaxed.
  36. ashley on Bad news for the republic.
    November 4th, 2003  2:37 am

  37. Damned opinions. What we need are more charts and graphs, and less of those little squiggly things between all the pictures.
  38. ashley on The legend lives on.
    November 6th, 2003  10:37 pm

  39. I had tix to see Gordon once, but he had to check into rehab.
  40. ashley on But the experience is worth so much.
    November 6th, 2003  10:33 pm

  41. Writers of any kind aren't worth squat. At least, that's what the market bears out. Why else would networks be dying to put on more "reality" television? Because you don't have to pay either the actors or those pesky writers. Also, good writing is hard. Mediocre writing is ubiquitous.
  42. ashley on And pledge week just ended?
    November 7th, 2003  9:12 pm

  43. Kind of reminds me of Les Nessman's pronunciation of "Chi Chi Rodriguez". So, are they also going to write in and complain about the accent of the "Car Talk" guys? At least they aren't as politically correct as a certain large Catholic University in the largest city in Illinois, which has shed the term "ombudsman" for "ombudsperson". Feh.
  44. ashley on George! Drop the keys!
    November 10th, 2003  7:44 am

  45. I read this 3 times before I determined that, in this context, AA means Ann Arbor...
  46. ashley on Hard lessons.
    November 11th, 2003  6:28 pm

  47. Remember as a pedestrian that the laws of physics always usurp the laws of the state.
  48. ashley on You can have your funky world.
    November 12th, 2003  10:45 pm

  49. ...and if you haven't heard "Main Street" in a while, and you want to, just head to your local strip club. I guarantee you won't have to wait an hour. Sometimes, they'll do the "twofer", and follow it up with "Turn the Page".
  50. ashley on You can have your funky world.
    November 13th, 2003  6:29 pm

  51. I don't mind bands like "Asleep at the Wheel" finally getting a steady cash flow. What pisses me off is that I now permanently associate Led Zeppelin with those skanky angular new Cadillacs. Bleccchhh. Last night, I was taken aback when I heard Lene Lovich's "New Toy" in a Target commercial. Punk lives!
  52. ashley on Out of the mouths of Michiganders.
    November 15th, 2003  8:21 pm

  53. So my last 2 Chryslers were made, respectively, in Canada and Mexico. Most Accords are made in Ohio, BMW and Mercedes minivans are made in the South, and the new Nissan Quest is made outside of Jackson, MS. Hell, the engine for my Audi A4 was made in Hungary. The unions, like the rest of the populace, need to realize that due to globalization, the US has given up on the idea of producing anything, and now we just provide services. Chrysler is German, Ford was run by an Australian until the Firestone debacle, and GM makes Saabs. All Converse shoes are now made in China, and you can't buy US made Levi's anymore. Because of laissez-faire capitalism, the loyalty of the corporations is no longer dedicated to the consumer or the employee. It is strictly to the stockholder. The filthy rich are getting filthier and richer, and everybody else is going to hell in a bucket. And nobody cares. Hasta la victoria siempre. Viva Che. Viva la revolucion.
  54. ashley on Out of the mouths of Michiganders.
    November 15th, 2003  8:23 pm

  55. ...oops... Change that BMW and Mercedes minivans to SUVs. I forgot, nobody else in the world wants SUVs, so they have to build them here. In other countries, they see the use of a minivan, and they also realize that an SUV is the equivalent of a brutal assault on the environment.
  56. ashley on Proud to be an American.
    November 22nd, 2003  5:10 pm

  57. I'm stuck in CDG airport in Paris, and what do I get on the tube in the bar? Michael Fucking Jackson. Between this and Pepsi, it's no wonder people hate Americans.
  58. ashley on Yob tvoyu mat.
    November 29th, 2003  9:52 pm

  59. kurva...
  60. ashley on Praise Easton.
    December 2nd, 2003  9:58 pm

  61. These places (I haven't been to Easton but I have been to similar ones in South Florida) feel as sterile as surgical gauze. Much like a dog that's been fixed, I don't get it. OTOH, the outdoor malls in SanDiego feel great to me...maybe because they can get away with it because of the climate.
  62. ashley on Light duty warning.
    December 3rd, 2003  10:23 pm

  63. To quote the reverend Horton Heat: "Eat Steak". Seriously. The Brasilians may have created the rodizio concept, but there are plenty o Argentinian churrascurias that will give every self-respecint carnivore a run for his money.
  64. ashley on A few snaps.
    December 20th, 2003  6:31 pm

  65. In general, I think that BK is probably the most inconsistent chain, restaurant to restaurant, there is. KFC is fairly consistent (in Europe), and Pizza Hut is astonishingly consistent. I'm in Warsaw right now, and they have Mexican burgers at McD's. I think the only difference is mild, mild salsa. The rest of the food is like the McD's in Normal, IL. At the McD's in Prague (all of Czech, for that matter), they have some funky Czech Czeeseburger which does not have pickles, but does have raw cukes. Also, they didn't have 1/4 pounders (aka "Royal). They did have "Le Big Mac". What I'm shocked about is that NN hasn't mentioned anything about the Church of Maradona. I KNOW they had a demonstration when you were down there...you hear anything about it?
  66. ashley on Hosed.
    December 23rd, 2003  10:46 am

  67. Since we all want to respect the RIAA, and only download songs legally, then we would never, ever want to use a tool like Poisoned. Poisoned is a multiple-network downloading tool that allows you to easily and quickly find files anywhere on several networks and share them. It runs on OS X. So we would never, ever want to use Poisoned. Ever. Actually, I'll usually look in the iTMS first, but when they don't even have Tennessee Ernie Ford, come on...
  68. ashley on Grab your keys.
    January 5th, 2004  6:49 pm

  69. Oh yeah. Anybody seen the new Bugatti? Over 1000 horsepower, 0-60 in under 3 seconds, and a $1.2M price tag. Ugly as sin, though. Can't compare to the new Ferraris. The best looking cars all look like penises. A Dodge Viper is obviously circumcised. The E-type Jag is probably the most penis-shaped car ever, except for the penis-shaped car that Peter Griffin drove in that episode of "Family Guy". Problem with the E-type Jag is that you had to have a good friend who was a mechanic, or you'd spend all of your time and money at the shop. According to my father, the first British Leyland dealer in Florida: "The biggest piece of crap ever made. They would use a quart of oil a week sitting on the showroom floor." My dad was a car dealer for about 30 years, and he'd drive home a different car every day. I remember when he drove home a plain old Dodge Dart. However, at the time, you could get any Chrysler engine in any Chrysler car. This was a green Dart with a 426 Hemi. When he went to the shows, he'd come back with great swag. I still have the 45 record (in transparent red!) called "Challenger Challenges You!" from the 1971 (I think) introduction of the Dodge Challenger, their entry into the pony car field. The best bit of swag was a 9" B/W Sony TV, that also ran on DC power. This was from 1970. It still works.
  70. Ashley on Just a few things.
    January 7th, 2004  7:57 pm

  71. This talk about sex in the city reminded me of an old nn.com page where I said I guess it will be nothing but endless reruns of watching the dried out slag meat skanks on "Sex and the city" with their totally unpredictable plotlines and scintillating dialogue. Imagine, the media actually portrays them as sexy, and you guys buy it. Enjoy. I honestly don't think any of these women are attractive. Guess what gang: the head writers are gay men. The characters are basically gay men. The women are inconsequential. On another note, go ahead and bitch and moan and whine about taxes (55%...yeah right. Get a decent accountant, then), and then vote Republican because you think they will cut your taxes. Then pay an extra $350 a month in health care costs, assuming you still have a job. The time for the revolution is now.
  72. Ashley on Grr.
    January 7th, 2004  8:08 pm

  73. I like the quote about the ever-popular "No-style style". I swear, Clancy could just have 20 grad students mill out a book a month, and there would be no discernable difference. Leonard, OTOH, is a friggin' artist. I love Hiaasen, but I think he's a bit more pulpish than Leonard. Nance, I would personally take more offense with King grouping John Grisham with Elmore Leonard than Clancy.
  74. ashley on Homework.
    January 11th, 2004  8:28 am

  75. Ask her if you're supposed to (A) write for a producer that thinks that all stories must be completely wrapped up in 52 minutes, with "find me a motive" detectives (Law and Order)... Maybe, she'll say it's O.K. to have a story that has threads, that doesn't completely wrap in a single hour, that actually has 3 dimensional characters and believable dialogue. My guess is that she'll opt for (A). Ripped from the headlines my ass. Ashley the Cynic
  76. ashley on Proud to be an American.
    January 16th, 2004  9:37 am

  77. I, Testicleese, great warrior from the island of Scrotus, am honored by this tribute.
  78. ashley on Networked.
    January 21st, 2004  2:07 am

  79. Talk to somebody in "academic computing" or whatever UM has...they may know the skinny on this deal. Otherwise, MS is perfectly happy to offer you the "academic" rate direct. Me, I love the free photoshop and illustrator.
  80. ashley on My work, done for me.
    January 22nd, 2004  8:30 pm

  81. I always wanted to teach a class where I could get all theatrical and shit. This quarter, I'm teaching "Relational Database Design" and "Spatial Databases". Dat shit don' play with this material...sigh. Hell, even Feynman had better material than I do. Although, I'm always proud when students tell others that my class made them like databases. If that is truly the case, that I can convert the heathen with this dry material, then I must be doing something right. That year of starving as a stand-up is finally paying off. Do give us a detailed report on Job, Noah, and the crucifixion.
  82. ashley on Calling all queers.
    January 23rd, 2004  5:42 am

  83. My mom was one of those that was whacked with a ruler when she wrote lefty. I'm all for forcing my kids to be leftys, as left handed pitchers are more in demand than rightys. Who needs a pension when you can have the Williams sisters? As for Mary Cheney, it's a crime that the Dems are too proper to attack the Bush/Cheney hypocrisy. They should attack it harshly, from the hypocrisy of their stand on gay rights to the hypocrisy of their stand on the 'war on drugs' (see: Noelle Bush).
  84. ashley on The clipping service.
    February 7th, 2004  3:37 pm

  85. Wonderful. We're doing just what the GOP wants us to do. The GOP is determined to make gay marriage their #1 issue for the presidency. Just when its about the least important thing for the head of the executive branch to worry about. Since its a controversial, deeply personal issue, it may actually change the way people vote. Rather than the candidates stand on real issues. Sigh...
  86. ashley on The clipping service.
    February 8th, 2004  3:15 am

  87. I think sure grip is generic, the name for Cramer's is Firm Grip. I love the smell of that stuff. Actually, I never used it for taping, but then I didn't tape my knees: just braces. Fred Biletnikoff used to use gallons of the paste stuff until they outlawed it in the NFL. They still allow the use of the aerosol. Heard that the duct tape they use on the gowns could give cleavage to anybody. False Advertising, I say.
  88. ashley on The morning papers.
    February 8th, 2004  11:03 pm

  89. Thinning the herd, I say. I think that's how we ought to portray it. Too bad he didn't crush his scrot', so we could nominate him for the Darwin awards.
  90. ashley on Something smells good.
    February 9th, 2004  7:08 am

  91. RB&R with no holy trinity? Sacrilege!
  92. ashley on Something smells good.
    February 9th, 2004  11:48 am

  93. Oh, and my lovely Katerina is being raised bilingual, which is kind of forcing pops to learn Czech. Yet another useless language. Me, I'm gonna work on my Espanol, as I want to retire to Costa Rica sooner rather than later. Francais is fairly useless there...and nobody mention Haiti as an alternative...good.
  94. ashley on Blame Canada.
    February 16th, 2004  11:18 am

  95. Well, there's plenty of dem dere anti-Quebecois jokes, the best of which was done by Edge 102, a Toronto radio station (coincidentally, the subject of Rush's "the spirit of radio"). The parody is available here. There is a long, long tradition of the Quebecers and other Anglophones publicly proclaiming respect for different cultures and Quebecois rights, whilst in private laughing at the "pea soup eater" jokes, the bare mention of Celine Dion, and the expiration of Rene Levesque in his vichysoisse. And don't forget that bitch Anne Murray, too. Canada has sacrificed soul for political correctness. The US isn't far behind.
  96. ashley on His name is Richard Kimble.
    February 20th, 2004  7:33 am

  97. He almost makes those acrid SBC commercials watchable. Maybe he'll go to Japan and start doing whiskey commercials.
  98. ashley on Not the up-the-butt girl.
    February 20th, 2004  7:30 am

  99. The one attractive character/actress on the show, and they try to make her to be superfrump. Too bad she didn't want to be a back door girl...
  100. ashley on Mother's milk.
    February 20th, 2004  7:41 pm

  101. Moderation means binging only infrequently, but then, I'm from New Orleans. God, I miss those drive-thru daiquiri bars. My wife still feels a twinge of guilt because she got loaded on 9/11...then found out a week later she was pregnant. If anything ever is excusable, that one is.
  102. ashley on A constitutional amendment?
    February 25th, 2004  8:15 am

  103. Was I right? Now people are going to vote using this as the sole criterion as opposed to anything that matters. Congrats, dubya.
  104. ashley on A constitutional amendment?
    February 27th, 2004  2:31 am

  105. Hey alex, don't dis George Wallace like that. At least, he finally repented. Dubya's gonna be a confirmed loser until the day somebody finally puts him out of his misery.
  106. ashley on Buckeye state of mind.
    February 29th, 2004  8:19 pm

  107. In the voice of Homer Simpson: "mmmm...thin mints...."
  108. ashley on Banana bread afternoon.
    March 2nd, 2004  1:01 am

  109. Deb, you're the first woman I've ever known to quote Sam Kinison. I owe you a beer or two. Or more. While we're in a spell of questionable taste...can you get pregnant from anal sex? Sure, where do you think lawyers come from. And as for Renee Zellwegger, you would think a girl from Texas could do a southern accent without sounding as bad as Matthew Broderick in Glory. Alas, she came off like someone had trained Bridget Jones by listening to Hee Haw.
  110. ashley on Empty head, highlighted.
    March 4th, 2004  8:00 am

  111. Skyline chili, The raisins/psychodots, a river, Fountain Square, Bailey Quarters, WEBN, and it's not as flat as Chicago. Lovable city. But what's up with Ohio and Porn? Larry lived in Columbus, and Reuben Sturman was a Clevelander. As for the Red Balloon, I think that if you watch that, you should, for the sake of context, also watch "The Player", just to see the evolution, and how we don't need writers anymore.
  112. ashley on Wrong number.
    March 8th, 2004  5:10 am

  113. My phone number when growing up ended in 7469. That spells S-H-O-W, same as every other cinema in town. We would get bombarded with calls during promotions and such. As this was the time before caller id, we didn't have the option to call the perps, so instead we had fun with them. My father would always tell them that if they made it to the theater in the next 10 minutes, they would get free admission. He usually got a "Really!!! OK, bye!". I would tell them we were closed for repairs, that we had a revival that night, locusts, stuff like that. My best was when I told them that tonight was the beginning of our new "all-porno" format. Our feature was Kurosawa's "Ron", starring Ron Jeremy. Finally, the proprietor called and asked if we'd been doing that. I said, of course we did. I told him that I had called previously and the people I spoke with blew me off. He asked how they could make it up to me. I told him we had that number for over 30 years, his was about 3 years old, so we were not going to give up our number. I suggested that he buy us an answering machine, where we would give his number on the welcome message. He refused. The next week continued the all-porno format...
  114. ashley on The round-up.
    March 8th, 2004  7:19 am

  115. Gina Gershon is still a 1 in my book. Oh, I have a binary weighting scale, 1: yes, you would; 0: no, you wouldn't. Beer acts as bias. This show is like bloody carnage on the freeway. You don't want to look, but you can't turn away. ...but I'd always heard the "hole in the sheet" story about mormons.
  116. ashley on Name game.
    March 9th, 2004  8:43 pm

  117. Last year, all my inlaws got their name domains for their birthdays. Of course, they're Czech, and haven't used it. That's why you don't see too much traffic for martinzizka.com. Me, I got domain names for everybody in my immediate family, for exactly the reasons nance mentioned.
  118. ashley on I say it's spinach.
    March 9th, 2004  10:22 am

  119. I don't even think it's tabloid TV quality. It's that condescending, "we know it all and you don't, simple viewer" tone of small market TV consumer reporters. Jeez, I'm sick of unskilled media workers. Like they say, there used to be a handful of outlets owned by 4 companies. Now, there's thousands of outlets owned by 4 companies.
  120. ashley on Shorter Jayson Blair.
    March 9th, 2004  10:17 am

  121. I mean, should I thank slate for saving me time for reading something I wouldn't have read anyway?
  122. ashley on Bones to pick.
    March 13th, 2004  6:11 am

  123. Kind of reminds me of that mythical language, Ebonics. According to academics who actually get credit for this crap (as opposed to doing real research), they state that one of the many differences between Ebonics and English is that double (or simply multiple) negatives in Ebonics are intensified negatives. Ain't not havin' no problem wif dat. Word.
  124. ashley on Jack Kelley, p.o.s.
    March 22nd, 2004  10:03 pm

  125. It's USA Today, that bastion of journalistic integrity, the "Dick and Jane" of newspapers. What did he do, forge a pie chart? Actually, after reading the USA Today article, what I found most amazing was that "Kelley spent his entire 21 year career at USA Today". Where did this clown pay his dues, the Bumfuck High Tattler? Jeez.
  126. ashley on Teevee.
    March 24th, 2004  7:25 am

  127. Hence the magnificence of "The Wire". Not only are things not all nice and tidy after an hour, but they aren't even tidy after a season. Kinda like real life. That TV writing class sounds excruciating. Basically, you're relying on print journalists to give you writing fodder. You, of all people, should know how lame that can be, especially with editors that are concerned with nothing but circulation numbers. The best writing on TV today has to be on HBO and the Simpsons. Go figure. I want to see HBO do an animated series. I guess it would turn out to be a full blown version of Family Guy.
  128. ashley on Goodbye to all that.
    March 24th, 2004  9:04 pm

  129. As a friend once told me when I lived in New Orleans: "Ash, your dick takes you places I wouldn't go with a gun." I don't think the same could be said about the author...ever. That's probably his problem. All hail inflatable transplants. My dad couldn't afford one, and with the history of diabetes in my family, I should probably begin saving up.
  130. ashley on The big 8!
    March 27th, 2004  9:22 pm

  131. In the south, the closest we got was KAAY out of Little Rock. Their "Beaker Street" show defined late night rock and roll. You could pick up KAAY anywhere down to New Orleans and Tampa. It would play all the cool stuff that the local stations would not, and set the stage for FM AOR formats.
  132. ashley on The big 8!
    March 27th, 2004  9:27 pm

  133. Of course, also in the south ('specially 'round Texas and Louisiana), you'd hear wonderful music from south of the border, as eloquently described in ZZ Top's "Heard it on the X". The X stations would be targeted right for us near the border, and they'd play exactly what we wanted to hear...with non-mexican advertisers and even non-mexican DJs. Now, with all this homogeneity, I think that college radio and XM are our only hope.
  134. ashley on Tough towns all over.
    March 27th, 2004  9:17 pm

  135. "...The council meetings are so infamous that former Warren residents who have moved to Florida or the Upper Peninsula have been known to request video copies of the council meetings." Yankee go home.
  136. ashley on Home for the aged.
    April 1st, 2004  10:11 am

  137. I am so pleased!
  138. ashley on When the going gets weird...
    April 16th, 2004  9:02 am

  139. I lay five to one he moved to Florida from Ohio.
  140. ashley on Sulking.
    April 21st, 2004  7:34 am

  141. Back in the old days, before dormitories became as secure as Trump's private hair shellac station, you could enter lobbies freely to pick up your date, watch TV, or eat old Domino's crusts. I used this to my advantage. In 1985, after my startup company went belly up, I traveled across the country, sleeping either with friends or in dorm lobbies. I'd go into a dorm lobby with a calculus book and a pillow, and crash out on a couch. Nobody, anywhere, EVER said a word. Ever. On more than one occasion, a security guy would come up to me, and I'd feign studying the calculus book, and he'd instantly turn away. Occasionally, you could get a shower, too. I'd bring in my tiny toiletries bag, and somebody would let me into the main corridor. Then, saunter down to the community shower, do my bidness, and leave refreshed, without having spent a penny. Now, everybody seems to think that dorms are the next target of either Osama or the second coming of Ted Bundy. My guess is that nobody can do this anymore. Also, now most dorms have either individual or shared suite bathrooms. Damn soft kids today.
  142. ashley on Speechless.
    April 28th, 2004  8:08 pm

  143. Norm's good, but I prefer Dale Dribble of Arlen, Texas.
  144. ashley on Bad manners.
    April 28th, 2004  8:06 pm

  145. Don't pigeonhole ALL Catholic Universities. Ashley Morris, Professor, DePaul University
  146. ashley on Where's Purple America?
    April 29th, 2004  9:10 am

  147. Jeez, as a NASCAR-watchin', BBQ-eatin', states-rights' promotin' Marxist, who believes that capitalism is evil, where do I fit in?
  148. ashley on Where's Purple America?
    April 30th, 2004  4:55 am

  149. Yee hah, hot damn, pass the sweet tea, comrade!
  150. ashley on On tour.
    May 1st, 2004  7:53 pm

  151. In Chicago, and you didn't even call. I'm shattered. Sha-doo-be. Shattered. Shattered.
  152. ashley on Long-term parking.
    May 25th, 2004  6:40 am

  153. Adriana got what she deserved. 'bout time. To quote Omar: "It's all in the game, yo."
  154. ashley on Neither first nor second.
    June 1st, 2004  11:10 am

  155. http://www.bestofneworleans.com/dispatch/2002-09-17/feat2.html This is Ronnie Virgets' ode to the third place...if you ain't from New Orleans, you may not get it.
  156. ashley on By popular demand...
    October 1st, 2004  12:37 am

  157. First, I have the problem of watching each episode knowing that this season will probably be the last. I'm sure Simon and Burns can keep this fresh for a 4th year, but I don't know if HBO will give them the green light to do it. That being said, it does bother me that a few strings are left totally untied. Whatever happened to Prez clocking Valchek, ferinstance. Series 3 is tied to series 1, but it seems that series 2 is lost in the sauce. You'd think we'd see at least one white drug dealer from series 2 just for the sake of continuity. Or maybe the Greek showing up for a new connection? Do you find yourself rooting for Omar? Does it make you feel bad about yourself? Can you just wait until Avon gets released? What kind of wrath will come down on Stringer? Biblical proportions is my guess. BTW, the test of any entertainment is how it plays with your emotions. Well, The Wire was the only show that has ever made me physically ill. When Wallace got capped, I had to run to the bathroom and puke. This shit is powerful, yo. Best Tribute: Robert Colesberry is still listed as an Executive Producer. Best inside joke: Jay Landsman, played by Delaney Williams. Dennis Mello, played by Jay Landsman. Finally, a walk down nn.com memory lane June 3, 2002. All over the place. The diversity of NN.C's fabulous readership is reflected in the day's mail. From Ashley: "The Wire" kicks ass. Imagine "Homicide", but they don't have censors. Hell, they even use some of the same passages direct from the original Homicide book by David Simon. Good stuff...real stuff. As opposed to "Six Feet Under," which got so excruciating for me to watch that I quit. Basically, I hated all of the characters, and thought they all deserved whatever they got. No redeeming qualities whatsoever. Stalin had more redeeming qualities. No empathy, keep it. Ok, maybe for the Latino doing the makeup, but he's a minor character, so who cares. From Michael: I wanted to post a piece about the new HBO show ("The Wire") last night which I thought sucked beyond belief. Piss-poor writing, amateurish and stereotyped blacks with great teeth (no gold)! What a contrast with the last episode of "Six Feet Under" which was incredibly well done.
  158. ashley on By popular demand...
    October 1st, 2004  7:14 am

  159. Ok, but there's got to be more. You know that Valchek is going down to the basement to rabble-rouse, and he'll run into Prez. Or, knowing the shifty writers, they may show them interacting in a more familial setting. After all, Valchek is his father-in-law. I can see Valchek trying to shove a turkey leg down Prez's throat over Thanksgiving dinner. Man, remember Daniels' face when Prez slugged Valchek? Wow. And, unfortunately, sometimes when I see Idris Elba, I get a flashback to his appearance as a male prostitute on AbFab. I picture him poking his tongue after thinking that the penis-numbing spray was breath spray. Go figure, two of the guys with the best Bawlmer accents happen to be English: Elba and West. I remember in an interview Simon saying that none of the actors on Homicide tried to effect a Bawlmer accent since they were all from NYC.
  160. ashley on "The gods will not save you."
    October 4th, 2004  10:30 pm

  161. The most inconguous bit last night was the bit about the death of Bob Cole on the stairmaster. Of course, this was a thinly veiled tribute to the man who played him, Bob Colesberry, who was also the show's Executive Producer. The whole bit was something straight out of the original Homicide book. It didn't really fit in with the flow of the overall story line, but Simon certainly wanted to do a visible tribute to him. Note the "drug wars of '93" reference to Colesberry's work on "The Corner". Upon my second viewing, I noticed something about who capped Omar's accomplice. It was NOT one of Stringer's boys; it was Omar's male accomplice. Note how the wound was to the front of the head: as they were running to the car, shooting without looking, he shot without aiming, and capped her in the forehead. This could have some interesting results, along with the fact that Bunk is investigating it as though she were a civilian. And Omar's waiting outside the funeral home does not bode well for Stringer's crew. Omar has always been a popular character for the street kids to emulate, as the Robin Hood of the Western. I don't think the kids play acting was any different than what we've seen before, as the kids always wanted to be the guy with the biggest gun. You don't see any of the kids trying to be Stringer? Rawls is just doing what Rawls always does. He's probably the least well developed character, but he's probably an accurate portrait of typical DepOps. He has to make an example or two just to show who's boss. The interesting part is how Bello was Bunny's confidant and co-conspirator. In Simon's other work, I believe that Landsman (the man, not the character) was another of those who actually did propose legalizing drugs. I have no idea where they're going with the Carcetti character.
  162. ashley on "The gods will not save you."
    October 5th, 2004  1:10 am

  163. Here's a good Wire FAQ from Salon and David Simon: http://www.salon.com/ent/feature/2004/10/01/the_wire/index_np.html
  164. ashley on "The gods will not save you."
    October 5th, 2004  5:49 am

  165. Maybe Ed Burns had something to do with a bit of that writing: http://theedge.bostonherald.com/tvNews/view.bg?articleid=47110&hlotslinks.
  166. ashley on "The gods will not save you."
    October 5th, 2004  7:43 pm

  167. Man, that whole a href stuff is just too technical... Ok. I think it was "Omar's Harpy" that got offed, because in the previous link, Ed Burns tells Lahane that you never see someboy get capped by their own crew when they shoot backward over their shoulder. The article states: "Lehane decided to use that, killing off one of the show's major characters". So she's probably the only one in Omar's crew that could remotely be called "a major character". BTW, I'm getting most of these external wire links from the old Homicide: Links on the Sites page. There's even an article where Simon plugs his own acting skills.
  168. ashley on Borden's rule.
    October 5th, 2004  7:49 pm

  169. My two year old with the Czech name, Katerina, begs us daily for my bootleg DVD of "Song of the South". She also wants Russian cartoons (Na Pagodi) dubbed in Czech, Czech cartoons (Krtek the mole), and in a nod to the evil that Disney has become, Winnie the Pooh. The 3 month old with the Southern (perhaps Baltimorean) name, Annabel Lee, prefers NASCAR. Boy, are they gonna hate me around puberty. We try to minimize the amount of TV time per day, but with 2 kids, the tube does make a good sitter for the bigger one.
  170. ashley on Rodney Dangerfield, RIP
    October 7th, 2004  8:39 pm

  171. "We're all gonna get laid!"
  172. ashley on Rodney Dangerfield, RIP
    October 7th, 2004  9:06 pm

  173. When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right! Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told me from now on I have to pay in advance. My wife gives great headache. Would you like to go out tomorrow? I have class then. What about Friday? I have class then, too. Well, why don't you call me when you have no class? "Hey, that's some hat. Did you get a free bowl of soup with it? Oh, on you it looks good, though."
  174. ashley on Rodney Dangerfield, RIP
    October 8th, 2004  3:01 am

  175. Jeez, this veered into an "I hate Bob Hope" thread? Well, who doesn't? Fortunately, the memories my generation have of him typically consist solely of those Christmas Specials. That, and USO shows. Was there anything more lecherous, ever, than watching this geezer drool all over Brooke Shields?
  176. ashley on Rodney Dangerfield, RIP
    October 10th, 2004  8:20 pm

  177. Personally, I think that one of Rodney's greatest contributions was his annual HBO Young Comedians Special. He had the cojones to actually put Sam Kinison on television. Amen.
  178. ashley on Two-buck bliss.
    October 8th, 2004  5:08 am

  179. Here, it's $2.99 a bottle. Maybe they just like hiking up the price in Chicago. A buddy of mine had a box on the plane as his carry-on. I'm at the point where I either buy 2 buck chuck, or a
  180. ashley on Two-buck bliss.
    October 8th, 2004  5:11 am

  181. I'm at the point where I either buy 2 buck chuck, or a ~$30 bottle of wine. I haven't found much under $20 a bottle that can touch Chuck. Huzzah!
  182. ashley on Amsterdam.
    October 12th, 2004  11:29 am

  183. That was my guess too, because Landsman was with the city/is with the county, maybe his wasn't a prop and had a real badge number. Link of the week Whatever happened to the detectives from the book. Keep in mind, this info is about 5 years old. There really isn't anything like this for the characters from "The Corner", but in an interview with Simon, he basically said that there wasn't much good to report, other than Blue is still clean, Fran and DeAndre are trying, and DeRodd (aka Puddin' on The Wire) is about the nicest, straightest kid you can find. Strange plot foreshadowing: WTF is Stringer doing back with Donette? My guess is to keep her from talking, especially to Avon, about the fact that D'Angelo may have been murdered. Stringer does nothing without a reason. Wasn't it neat how McNulty's pointed attack on Freamon got him pissed off enough to make him check out the addresses? Real PO-Lice, indeed. Also, because Daniels is boinking Pearlman, McNulty should get a little more length added to his leash, if nothing else. Man, as long as he doesn't go back to his wife. The less airtime she gets, the better. Callie Thorne's entire range of emotions is a) cutesie, b) rolling her eyes. And no, I haven't forgiven Tom Fontana for adding her to Homicide because he thought she was better eye candy than Melissa Leo. Bubbles, to a degree, reminds me of Gary from "The Corner". The idea that he isn't really stealing from people, just "capers". However, when Bubs was talking about swiping a clock radio from his old job, well, that wasn't like Gary at all. Gary was a white collar until he fell. Bubs is still floating back and forth, and still wants to quit. He needs more impetus, like Steve Earle kicking his ass again. Speaking of fell, Cutty tried to walk that straight and narrow for all he was worth, but the lure is just too much. Another big indictment of the system: Cutty can go back to his old days of soldiering, and live comfortably; or he can keep riding in the back of a pick-up making minimum wage. Welcome to the corner. Reminiscent of when DeAndre tried to work at the burger joint. What is minimum wage when your old crew is rollin down the boulevard in an Escalade wif' 26" dubs? My guess is that Cutty's muscle is about to make its presence known, what with Avon getting out, and word of Marlo's whammy on Cutty's stash has to make its way back to Avon. Bunny is encountering some problems now because its the real world. Nothing goes smoothly, especially when you're dealing with street corner slingers. Maybe if he had a tete-a-tete with Stringer, they'd see the light. You can rest assured, though, that word will get back to Stringer, Prop Joe, Marlo, and the others, and TPTB will be happy to move shop to the DMZ. As for The Wire being a birthday cake, hey, I watch it at least 2x on Sunday, usually the 11:00 on HBOWest, and the 12:00 on HBOZone. Boo yah. Unfortunately, the nudity didn't involve Pearlman this time. I was sorely disappointed.
  184. ashley on Amsterdam.
    October 13th, 2004  2:50 am

  185. It's going to be really, really interesting to see what happens to the Barksdale organization when Avon sees what Stringer has done. Stringer will probably say that you can't argue bottom line, but Avon is a little more old school than that.
  186. ashley on Hot pumpkins.
    October 13th, 2004  3:10 am

  187. Being about 1/2" from a quadriplegic myself (broken C1 vertebra playind football), Christopher Reeve made me uncomfortable too. I think that a lot of that perceived uncomfort was intentional, as part of his activism. He didn't want people to think it was easy being a quad. It isn't. He was naive about stem cell research, but correct in his belief that W could be blockading years of foetal stem cell research through politics. Hey, we have some isolated nerve growth now, why not complete spinal cord repair soon? Still, that episode of "the Practice" he was in gave me the creeps.
  188. ashley on Princess Diana fever.
    October 15th, 2004  9:35 am

  189. Hey, howzabout the most famous Ft. Wayne fella now, DaMarcus Beasley.
  190. ashley on Whassamatta U.
    October 18th, 2004  10:45 am

  191. Jon Stewart has cojones the size of Ganymede. Hell, yeah. I love how he didn't have to pretend to be even-handed, and was just himself. "How old are you?" What a slam.
  192. ashley on Whassamatta U.
    October 18th, 2004  1:08 pm

  193. re: Shark Tale, Ain't it odd that big mass media outlets just don't get it? The writing matters! Look at Pixar and HBO, and even Comedy Central. The writing matters. Hell, if you want to lower the bar, look at Law and Order. The cast is interchangeable, the writing matters. That's why Roy Disney is right.
  194. ashley on Hamsterdam.
    October 18th, 2004  10:41 am

  195. Damn, I feel a bit like Karnak. Bunny did go above the slingers heads, but to the mid-level boys, not to the Prop Joes and Stringers. Was that wild about busing the fiends? Go figure. And what about Bubs refusing to go along with Johnny's caper, instead banking on his steady income from Kima and McNulty? Snitchin's dangerous, but so are capers. However, this may be the turning point for Bubbles to go straight...or at least get on the wagon. Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but I'm seeing a bunch of parallels to Gary from "The Corner". Of course, he went straight for a while, then slipped, and because he'd been out of the game so long, he OD'd. I don't wanna see Bubs go that way, but Simon had no problem with dumping Wallace or D'Angelo. It's all in the game, yo. McNulty got laid, for what may have been the first time since the Russian prostitutes. I don't see it happening with her again. I hope Jimmy doesn't. Once again, Callie Thorne gave a spectacular cameo, showing her entire range: 1) coquettish followed by 2) annoyed, rolling her eyes. My, but she annoys me. I did like how Jimmy's flirting made her character jealous. Cutty has decided he's a soldier and not a lawn man. I don't think he likes the way his crew treated the slinger wearing Mr. Unseld's jersey, but yes, the game has changed. The whole "brothers forever" thing between Avon and Stringer tells me that one of them is going to be cut loose. My guess is that Avon is OG, but I don't know where that puts Stringer and his above-the-table funds. Avon knows not to get his hands dirty, but this whole socialism among gangsters got to piss him off. And I think the mayor is about to get played. Bigtime.
  196. ashley on Hamsterdam.
    October 18th, 2004  11:36 am

  197. Two cool things on the HBO site this week: Org charts! There's one for da good guyz, and one for da bad guyz. Of course, your definitions may differ. According to my sources, Ed Burns was the writer. Man, didn't you just love it when McNulty said "fuck it", and walked into Stringer's copy shop? Stringer is so well grounded in legit business...even Bodie has to lift his shirt to show he ain't wired. "He wanted to sell me a condo".
  198. ashley on Hamsterdam.
    October 18th, 2004  11:37 am

  199. Oh, and don't forget, no new episode next week.
  200. ashley on Hamsterdam.
    October 18th, 2004  8:30 pm

  201. Cutty's gellin' like Magellan? Thanks for putting that earworm in my head. ;^) He's sensitive, and conflicted...but I don't know yet about tragic. At least, I hope not. Although he does have a somewhat higher tolerance for violence than D. Last night was an example of where the expression "bitch slap" came from. Damn! Now, thanks to you, I also have a picture in my head of Avon riding a missile, screaming "I'm workin' for David Simon". Thanks for that, too. I just wonder where and how the Stringer/Avon showdown will occur. The thing is, except for Shamrock (thank you, HBO org chart), I don't see any of the slingers or soldiers taking String's side. And since String doesn't let anybody in on the legit deals, he has no partners there, other than Levy and Davis. That may be enough. For there to be a showdown that String could win, it would have to be an administrative level one, that included the law. That's also the best way to bring him down. That is, unless String's "We are the world" policy pisses off Avon so much that he calls it off and declares war on every dealer that goes near "his" corners. Oh, and last night was one of the few times that Stringer and McNulty have directly spoken. You know how hard it had to be for them to speak in their Bawlmer accents. It was bizarre to see the clips from the premiere party, where Elba and West were speaking in their normal, English accents. Also, it was nice to see Santangelo again, even if he is just a street cop nowadays. I don't see him getting a gold shield (wait, Baltimore doesn't have gold shields for detectives) again as long as Rawls is Deputy Ops. Burrell may be out soon as commish, but Rawls will NOT become commish, unless they have a really good way for selling the community on a white commish.
  202. ashley on Hamsterdam.
    October 19th, 2004  6:30 am

  203. You know, I'm a New Orleans guy, but that Neville Brothers version of the theme just don't move me like the Blind Boys version. Maybe if Aaron was singing it...
  204. ashley on What's the matter with Ohio?
    October 19th, 2004  6:35 am

  205. "The states' rights argument offends me; if we'd left it to the states on the question of slavery, it would never have been abolished." So we'd still have slavery today, huh? I respectfully disagree.
  206. ashley on Red Sox Nation.
    October 21st, 2004  7:29 am

  207. Too late. All we can do now is pray for the Cards. Although, I think that typically, rooting for the Yankees against the Red Sox is like rooting for the Lions against the Christians.
  208. ashley on Red Sox Nation.
    October 21st, 2004  10:21 pm

  209. I blame their agent.
  210. ashley on Two depressing stories.
    October 25th, 2004  9:23 pm

  211. You guys got it all wrong: he's a uniter, not a divider!
  212. ashley on Two depressing stories.
    October 26th, 2004  8:19 am

  213. Ah...to inhabit a house in a blue state (Illinois), yet be registered and officially reside in Florida. I've already voted...only once, though. No phone calls, plenty of bulk mail, and my t-shirt keeps the republicans from talking to me.
  214. ashley on Black satin.
    October 28th, 2004  6:36 am

  215. When you're done hemming, will you be hawing?
  216. ashley on Saying something nice...
    November 4th, 2004  12:45 pm

  217. Ok. For all of you 18-24 year olds that didn't vote: congratulations! You'll be the first ones drafted to serve the United States of Halliburton in Iraq, Iran, or wherever der Fuhrer needs oil. Also, good luck on that privatized social security, chumps. You get the government you deserve. For all the retirees on social security: wait until it is privatized. Then enjoy eating your 9-lives and burning newspapers for heat. Remember all those FDR social programs? Well, fuhgettaboutit. You voted red. You get the government you deserve. For all you people of color: good luck next time you're at the airport. You reelected the guy who doesn't know the difference from a Mexican and a Jordanian. He also thought that Sweden didn't have an army. You get the government you deserve. For all of you not born in the US but live here. Enjoy that whole Patriot Act and Patriot II thingy. He did that shit before he declared having a "Mandate". Yeah, and 55 million voted against him. You get the government you deserve. Welcome to the largest deficit in history...4 years after the largest surplus. You get the government you deserve. We are now no better than Saudi Arabia or Israel. We are now a theocracy: the Evangelical state. You get the government you deserve. As for me: hasta la victoria siempre, siempre.
  218. ashley on Saying something nice...
    November 8th, 2004  9:31 pm

  219. And a more accurate map.
  220. ashley on Saying something nice...
    November 8th, 2004  11:03 pm

  221. Actually, all of the maps are kind of misleading.
  222. ashley on Off to Beertown.
    November 6th, 2004  9:27 am

  223. "The problem is, NYC, DC, and PA were going to get struck regardless who was in the White House in 2001, and that person was going to have to either risk going too far (as we agree Bush has) in protecting America, or else risk not going far enough." No. Fucking. Way. I'm not buying this line, not for a minute. This is the kind of shit the NeoCons have used to make fear the biggest motivational factor in voting. If a memo named "Bin Laden determined to attack inside the US" appeared across Clinton's desk, he would have 1) read it, 2) done something about it. Too bad Gore and Kerry have written more books than Bush has read. He even BRAGS about not reading newspapers. What a fucking twit. This idiot has put more idiots (look at Condi's academic publication record) in positions far exceeding their peter principal limits, and doesn't even listen to their advice, as he thinks that God speaks directly to him. Bullshit. Show me the stone tablets if God is talking to you. Another thing. If terrorists had struck while Gore or Clinton was in office, you KNOW that the republicans would be screaming "It happened on HIS watch. We'd be tough on terrorism, unlike the Democrat." You know that's true. You know it. I am a Christian, but I don't try to force my beliefs on others. I also don't let my faith get in the way of rational, logical thought. I also don't believe that if you don't believe exactly what I believe that you will burn in a lake of fire for eternity. And as for Lincoln, well, I think he was vastly, vastly overrated. But what do you expect from an "elitist liberal" like me. Maybe Marx was right. Maybe a violent revolution is the only way.
  224. ashley on Off to Beertown.
    November 6th, 2004  7:54 pm

  225. "Clinton had eight years of memos on UBL and DECIDED not to go after him". Wrong. Very, very wrong. Personally, I think it's hard to live in uptown New Orleans, as I did and soon will again, which is 63% black, and be a racist. They live in English Turn or Metairie. Or Marin county. I agree with you about the annoyance of things like Kerry showing up in a black church once every 4 years and every other Christmas. Clinton was not like that, is not like that. Kerry and Gore seem to be like that. Alan Keyes is an idiot. I hope we can agree on that point. That being said, Condoleeza Rice is a true academic lightweight. As a professor, I have to look at publication records and such for promotion and tenure cases. I can assure you, she has not gotten where she is on her publication record. Bush's cabinet is diverse in color, not in thought. He promised in 2000 to bring democrats on his cabinet, and to aid in the decision making process. He lied. Obviously, Karl Rove is an evil genius. He is not dumb by any means. He is, however, evil.
  226. ashley on Travel notes.
    November 10th, 2004  8:35 am

  227. Go figure. I read today that a new name has surfaced for the role of James Bond: Dominic West. That's right...McNulty as James Bond. My two favorite Wire quotes from this week's episode: "Conscience do cost." "Bushmills? That's Protestant whiskey!"
  228. ashley on Today's bitter bummer post.
    November 10th, 2004  4:32 am

  229. Note that the USA was founded by people whose religious beliefs were so wacky the Dutch kicked them out of their country. The Dutch. They are probably the most tolerant people in the world. At least, until now. When I was reading about how Muslims are not going to heaven, it reminded me of this old joke. DId you see how annoying and knee-jerk Alan Simpson was on Bill Maher? Evidently, the right is, en masse, becoming intolerant. I say, let's be intolerant of intolerance. Let's all be as intolerant and vicious as Ann Coulter. God, I wish I had her adam's apple. Let's all adopt Dick Cheney's attitude. Go fuck yourself.
  230. ashley on Today's bitter bummer post.
    November 10th, 2004  7:53 pm

  231. Danny, I hate to break it to you like this, but I have a massively large penis; and Barry, please don't quote the Washington Times, unless you think that Sun Yung Moon is a bastion of righteousness.
  232. ashley on Today's bitter bummer post.
    November 10th, 2004  10:03 pm

  233. Barry, "sometimes the whack jobs are dead on". That is frighteningly true, see: The Christian Science Monitor. When I see what the Moonies did to what used to be my favorite fishing village of Bayou la Batre, Alabama, I get reactionary. The Washington Times can't get away with towing the Moon line on religion, but everything else (or at least, what I've read) is pretty much just like the Rev wants it to be. As for the Puritans, well, I don't think they are the ones that made this country great, but I believe they are the root of much of this intolerance. That is one of the reasons why New Orleans is my favorite city in the world. The roots of that city are not tied to puritanical values. So I can carry my beer outside, as long as I keep it in a paper or plastic cup. They don't have a history of legislating morality. Hell, they even have drive-thru daiquiri bars... As far as seceding county-by-county: here is a fascinating collection of maps regarding the whole red/blue/purple/county-by-county maps.
  234. ashley on Our way of death.
    November 10th, 2004  4:10 am

  235. I'm going to be buried...er...interned above ground in either St. Roch's or St. Vincent DePaul. I'm also going to have a jazz funeral parade by either Rebirth Brass band or Kermit Ruffins and the BBQ swingers. Come join in on the second line! If nothing else, it will give my family and friends an excuse to go to New Orleans.
  236. ashley on "I am a liberal."
    November 11th, 2004  2:02 am

  237. Funny how both Danny and Juan are the ones that publicly besmirched my masculinity on this blog, both of them calling me a "gal" or a "woman". Evidently their moral values don't extend to the idea that Ashley could be a male name. Hey, it ain't my fault mommy liked "Gone With the Wind" a bit too much. At least I ain't "Rhett". I know I'm not the demographic center. I'm far, far to the left...but then, that is a conscious choice I have made over the last few years, primarily caused by a) extensive international travel, b) marrying a European, c) reading a lot. Sorry that I don't want my children to be saddled with a massive debt. Such is life. And 51 to 49 percent doesn't blow anything anywhere. I didn't tell anyone to go F themselves. The Vice President did. I just sent a link to the UMichigan page: I did not claim anything one way or another. In my spatial database classes and my research, I extensively cover how to use spatial data to aid in multiple criteria decision making. Mark Monmonier's "How to lie with maps" is an excellent book showing how data can be manipulated by the data modeler to alter influence. It's GIS homey, it ain't Photoshop. Don't be hatin' da playa...
  238. ashley on "I am a liberal."
    November 11th, 2004  3:56 am

  239. I need two additions to my wardrobe, so that I can live up to my name. The first would be a blue & white seersucker suit. White shoes and belt (from the "Herb Tarlek" collection), and a nice white straw fedora. The second would be something like a Colonel Sanders getup. Gotta love that tie. The son of a friend attended a sorority's formal social last year. They had a choice, and could either wear a tuxedo/tails or a confederate officer's uniform. This was, of course, in Mississippi. Jeanne needs a shooter. It ain't that pretty at all...especially with Tara burning down.
  240. ashley on "I am a liberal."
    November 11th, 2004  4:57 am

  241. Aggressive? Moi? ;^) "as god is my witness, i thought turkeys could fly!" -- one of the greatest lines ever, from one of the greatest shows ever (within the confines of a broadcast network), from what had to be the greatest thanksgiving episode of any show ever. "i always wanted a boyfriend -- or at least a partying buddy -- like johnny fever. and a body like bailey quarters'." To me, the whole "Ginger/Mary Ann" test is bogus, as Ginger is a redhead. If one is wont for testarossas, the whole test is skewed (read: if Ginger is a blonde, I'm going for Mary Ann...hell, I'm going for Mary Ann anyway). The much more revealing test was Jennifer/Bailey. If anyone picks the bleach blonde, then my trust level drops a few notches. Ferinstance, tell me what James Brolin is thinking, marrying Babs? Is this supposed to be a step up from our beloved Jan? I saw her in a supermarket in SoCal once. I was too starstruck to say anything. Oh Bailey, Bailey, Bailey. Trivia: my nickname for my youngest daughter, Annabel Lee, is the same word that got Johnny Fever fired from the job he had before WKRP. Any guesses?
  242. ashley on "I am a liberal."
    November 11th, 2004  6:03 am

  243. Deb, you have just won your very own coveted Silver Sow award!
  244. ashley on "I am a liberal."
    November 11th, 2004  11:11 am

  245. I don't know why, but I was going to say Arizona...but I guess that's where his last gig was before coming to Cinti. I cheated, and looked him up on IMDB. Wilmington. Go figure. Last I heard about Gary Sandy, he was in Bob Crane dinner theatre hell. So who wore tighter jeans, Bailey or Andy? Probably Andy...
  246. ashley on A day away.
    November 11th, 2004  11:05 am

  247. Back in the '70s, we used to see tons of footage from Vietnam, with Walter Cronkite warning us beforehand if it was too graphic. Now, we are essentially forbidden from seeing any of this, except for beheadings live on the internet. By depersonalizing war, we are trying to make it less abominable. I have two purple hearts and two coffin flags for my father and my uncle. We need to make people realize that war is real, that it is not civil, and that is to be avoided at all costs.
  248. ashley on A day away.
    November 12th, 2004  11:46 am

  249. From Danny: "Though I am conservative and disagree with some of your political views, I try to show you respect." Is that why you called me a woman? I tried to leave this alone, but you just remind me so much of W. You refused to admit that you made a mistake (assuming I was a woman), let alone apologize for it. You weren't intellectually curious. Note that when you mouse-over my name, you see the domain ashleymorris.com. You could have gone there and seen for yourself that I have a Y chromosome, but that would be like W reading a newspaper. (When I moused over your name, I saw aol.com. 'Nuff said.) Then you take offense that someone insulted you, when you started the (flame) war. Sigh...
  250. ashley on It's heee-eeere.
    November 15th, 2004  4:10 am

  251. I certainly hope that the movie version of "Skinny Dip" is better than the last of his novel adaptations: "Strip Tease". How anyone thought that Demi Moore should play the lead role in a comedy is beyond me. Wait, no it isn't. They didn't cast her for her comedic skills, they cast her for her silicone protuberances. Makes sense now. Although, I did like the scene with Burt in the boots and vaseline.
  252. ashley on "Gotcha WMD!"
    November 16th, 2004  3:02 am

  253. Personally, I would pick WMD over Bottle Rockets any day. ;^) Did Brianna get schooled by McNulty or what? I hate the whole plea-bargan system, but that's what we have to deal with. That's why D got 20 years, and Avon is walking the streets today. Now she's trying to lay blame somewhere, but McNulty doesn't care because it won't make a black one out of a red one. I also like how Hamsterdam is more like a cess pool than heaven. I don't see it as a problem that the brass doesn't know. Nobody outside of Bunny's crew has any reason to ever drive through West Baltimore. You know they don't want to. The telling tale will be how Colicchio gives Bunny up (because you know he will). They may try to revoke his pension. Odd seeing Clarence Clemons as a community rec guy, but why not... I think Stringer wants it all. He doesn't want out of drugs, because they are extremely profitable. Don't forget, he's the guy that got every supplier in town to "unionize", and deal directly with the NYC wholesalers as a single entity. He just wants to be seen as a leader. As long as Avon's around, he won't be THE leader. Don't underestimate Stringer's street smarts. He knows that the truly big money is to be made at a level where you have to have a tie, but without his organization, he can be eliminated at any time. Now, the question is what happens since Stringer 'fessed up to Avon. Will Avon do the right thing for blood, or the right thing for bidness? I see Avon as having the same goals as Stringer, but different priorities. Avon sees the legitimate business as a vehicle for a larger share of the drug market, and Stringer sees the drugs as a way to get into the legit (aka white collar) deals. Because of this, I don't think that Avon will do anything to Stringer. Brianna is a different matter...I don't know how, but if she finds out what happened, she will be one angry momma. She, unlike Avon, believes that blood is thicker than water. She could cause problems. She could be eliminated if she does. I know one thing for sure, Avon needs a whole lot more soldiers. Cutty is doing wonderful, but I kind of think I'm being set up as a viewer. I remember one on-line chat that HBO had with David Simon. A viewer asked "What happened to the kids that Wallace was taking care of?". Simon replied: "What do you think happened?". So, I see Cutty as evolving into respectable success, possibly even getting back together with the teacher, and then being cut down by Fruit for the hell of it. It hurts me to watch Bubbles and Cutty try and fight and crawl out of the mess only to get eaten up by it. Just as I shed real tears when I read that Gary died in "The Corner", I don't see Cutty and Bubs escaping clean. They have corners everywhere, and for every Blue success story there are a hundred Gary tragedies. Marlo, otoh, has just opened a massive can of whoop-ass. I don't care what Stringer says to Avon, Marlo went too damned far to just wing Avon. Marlo's world is about to turn nasty.
  254. ashley on "Gotcha WMD!"
    November 16th, 2004  4:56 am

  255. Stringer may be better, but is he more evolved? Can he survive in both worlds at one time? Avon has no preconceptions; he doesn't try to fit into the construction rehab scene, but he can survive on the street. Stringer thinks he can do both, but that may ultimately be his downfall.
  256. ashley on "Gotcha WMD!"
    November 17th, 2004  3:07 am

  257. Nance, I agree with your analysis that character motivation is the driving force of "The Wire". Everybody's motivation is pretty much crystal clear. Only thing, with characters like Bubs, the motivation changes from time to time. Of course, it seems to be like that with most addicts.
  258. ashley on She bites.
    November 16th, 2004  5:07 am

  259. Ok, I always thought Nigella was a Euro version of Lynne Russell, except Nigella coudn't kick my ass as much as Lynne, and Lynne probably couldn't cook as well as Nigella. And you be dissin' da vibes? Or maybe, it's just vibes in the morning. That, I understand. They aren't suited for "wake up" music, but hey, don't dis Milt, Bobby, Lionel, and me with one fell swoop. I'll miss ODB, if for no other reason than wondering what outlandish thing he would do next.
  260. ashley on She bites.
    November 17th, 2004  3:01 am

  261. Mary: I concur about the prices of her stuff at "the container store"...in fact, the prices of just about everything at the container store. I bought this elfa closet organizer stuff, and it costs about what pure cedar would. Ouch. Brian: Rachel Ray? She's perkier than Katie Couric! They ought to put her on Iron Chef -- if she can do that much damage with a thirty minute meal, imagine if they gave her a full hour! EVOO! EVOO! EVOO!!! It's amazing to see how the Food Network is trying to constantly broaden its audience by offering new shows, then seems to come back to the ratings reality that people only seem to care about "Iron Chef" and Emeril (and, to a lesser degree, Alton Brown). Dweezil and Lisa? Come on. Also, Lisa is a vegetarian, so they immediately alienate either half the audience, or her. Once, they went to a butcher shop...I thought we'd get to see her puke right there on camera.
  262. ashley on She bites.
    November 17th, 2004  7:28 am

  263. Deb: Bobby Flay? I'm so very disappointed...Morimoto, yes; Flay, no. The food channel is absolutely hypnotic. When I was in grad school and had that pesky dissertation thingy hanging over me, I could watch it for hours upon hours. Anything to avoid all that writing and research stuff. At a certain point, I thought about dropping out (as ABD) and becoming a chef. After all, I lived in New Orleans, home of the best food in the cosmos (IMHO), and I had several friends working in the finest restaurants in town. A friend jolted me into reality 2 ways. 1) he reminded me of my student loans. 2) he said (of becoming a chef) "Wow, that would be a blast...for about 6 months". Mulling that over kind of did it for me...Professor Ashley it would be!
  264. ashley on Everybody loves pie.
    November 19th, 2004  8:29 am

  265. deb, you rule. For my birthday this year, I told da wife no cake, but a peanut butter pie. Amen, Hallelujah.
  266. ashley on Everybody loves pie.
    November 19th, 2004  8:31 am

  267. Oh, and just as the Myers's Rum makes the sweet potato pie, throw a jigger of Booker's Bourbon into your pecan pie. Boo Yah.
  268. ashley on Everybody loves pie.
    November 19th, 2004  10:57 pm

  269. A quote from a friend, who was in a band with me back in college, and became a professional drummer for a while, and is now a DJ. "Back in the 80s and 90s, we had to worry about falling into that trap of drug and alcohol abuse. Now, the thing that can be our downfall is pie."
  270. ashley on It's a tough town.
    November 22nd, 2004  6:43 am

  271. Okey doke. Because this culture values celebrity so much, because we equate wealth to intelligence, we kind of deserve this. Now, I think that if you pay the ridiculous prices for tickets that professional entertainment (aka "sports") teams charge, then you have the license to scream whatever you want, as long as you don't utter profanity so as to ruin the experience for those around you. I think that you can verbally abuse players, and they have to take it. That is part of their job. Don't give me that "how would you like it if we heckled you at your job" crap. That isn't part of my job description, but all professional athletes should know that comes with the territory, disgusting as it may be. When these guys make more in a single game than a hard-working person does in half a decade, well, we have a problem. The millionaire should deal with it and walk away. However, when the professional athlete is hit by a projectile, things change. The athlete still must not enter the stands, acting like one of the Hanson brothers, but the fan should be criminally liable. I honestly think that much of this has to do with culture. Because of the NBA glorifying the gangsta image, well, you get gangsta behavior. Note how every player that was interviewed chose to talk about how the other players were justified, as they were "disrespected". Jeez, louise. Reminds me of tonight's episode of "The Wire", where a kid was shot dead because he made fun of somebody's shoes. Get real, NBA. You aren't on the corner, you are all millionaires, act like adults and just deal with it. On the corner, pride is all you have, and showing weakness may get you killed. As long as the NBA players still act like they're on the corner, instead of discussing tax shelters with their fellow players, you're going to have this crap. Stern did the right thing by giving Artest the boot for the season, and Jackson and O'Neal long suspensions. These spoiled kids who have never had to work a day in their life finally get to realize that actions have consequences, and that they are privileged to play for a living. Maybe Indiana and Detroit will have to be like European soccer franchises after something like this happens. I think that the financial burden of playing before an empty arena will knock some sense into people. The only thing that works here is money. Take money from a player, and you're going to get to them. It's the only way.
  272. ashley on Patience, my man. Patience.
    November 23rd, 2004  5:25 am

  273. Man, I told my wife that Prez don't need to be goin' to pick up no Chinese food. I saw that coming. I knew he'd pull his gun, because, well, he's cursed that way. An absolutely brilliant cop, when it comes to doin' the po-lice work behind the desk. A mo-ron in the street. Why Freamon didn't tether his ass to the desk, I'll never know. I didn't, however, see him cappin' a cop. Jeez, Simon. Wallace, D'Angelo, now Prez. Cold, man, just cold. There's no escape for Prezbylewski from that. As he said, "I'm done". Yes, you are. I've heard of crossing the thin blue line (as Herc did calling up the Sun), but damn. Herc surprised me by using the back door to bring down Hamsterdam. I figured it would be Colicchio. You know that Herc is not the straightest arrow in the quiver, but he surprised me by 1) not agreeing to move the body, regardless of Carver's stripes, and 2) making the phone call himself. Giardello from "H:LOTS" would occasionally use the Sun to advance his agenda, but I did not see Herc making that phone call. Stringer is out of control. He's risked $250k of Barksdale drug money for a scheme that may or may not pan out. Now he's goin' off on Clay Davis like he's a mid-level distributor that whammied him with some Arm and Hammer. Then he breaks the Sunday truce. If you in the game, you got to know the rules. And Stringer is breaking them all. Omar works in a cafeteria at the airport. Brilliant. Now I could see Omar and Avon conspiring to get rid of Stringer. At least both Omar and Avon know the rules of the game. At this point Stringer has few friends. If anything, Avon and Omar may have a sit-down. Wouldn't that be a nice conversation to hear? Especially with the foreshadowing of our old pal Brother Mouzone in the coming attractions. Boo-yah. However, note the prominent distinction between Omar and Avon. They are both preparing to escalate a simmering war, courtesy of Stringer. While Avon is bringing in hired muscle from the east side, Omar is telling his crew that he's going this one alone. Omar is the consumate loner, and Avon needs the familiarity of the crew. Barksdale, though, is like Germany in WWII. He is about to try and fight a multi-front war (Omar and Marlo and maybe even West Baltimore's finest, now that Hamsterdam is going up in smoke) with a drastically overextended army. Avon is a survivor, though, so it could be quite interesting. Especially since there are but 3 episodes left. In this season, anyway. Last note: didja notice, after that Cleveland steamer of a date between McNulty and D'agostino, that McNulty was staring at the pictue of Beatrice (the officer from the docks) on the squad's fridge. Hmmmmm.
  274. ashley on Patience, my man. Patience.
    November 24th, 2004  6:08 am

  275. I think that Brother Mouzone came back to see what really went down. Note how Prop Joe, Avon, and even Omar all have solid reputations on the street, but Stringer has always been known as someone who played the numbers. No soldiering for String. So, because of the fact that Omar didn't off him, and dialed 911, my guess is that Mouzone came to pay a visit to Avon, to see what kind of an ambush Stringer sent him into. Another good thing about Mouzone coming back: we may see more of DeAndre McCullough, Fran and Gary�s kid from �The Corner� who played one of his bodyguards. Link-o-rama: Here's a column where jason Whitlock says that HBO should dump David Chase, and make David Simon Exec Producer of the Sopranos. Fave quote: "Avon Barksdale, Brother Mouzone and Omar -- roughnecks from "The Wire" -- would absolutely wipe out what's left of Tony's crew". Here here. I can't wait to see what the headlines in the Baltimore Sun look like when the lid is blown on Hamsterdam. We all know about those Sun reporters, don't we... ;^)
  276. ashley on So simple.
    November 23rd, 2004  7:02 pm

  277. "NBA stopped being about basketball years ago". Reminds me of Edward Norton's character's speech in 25th Hour: "uptown brothers; they never pass the ball, they don�t wanna play defense, they take five steps on every lay up, and then they wanna turn around and blame everything on the white man."
  278. ashley on So simple.
    November 24th, 2004  6:12 am

  279. Nance: "Just for the record, it's been, wow, ages since I kicked anyone in the balls. Like, never". My daughter did that to me about 5 minutes ago. I think I'm getting callouses. And wasn't Arness the guy that played Marshal Matt Dillon?
  280. ashley on Sniff.
    November 24th, 2004  10:21 pm

  281. There are 3 cookbooks that I'm constantly referring to: 1) Paul Prudhomme's Louisiana Kitchen, 2) The Frugal Gourmet, 3) Jamie Shannon's Commander's Palace cookbook. Prudhomme is a god, and this is his finest book. I know, I own them all. His recipes are fully run through by a test kitchen, so you'll know what you get is what you want. Emeril's books are pleasant enough reading, but man, they must not test the recipes. His king cake recipe just blows. Jeff may have been a lot of things, but he was an excellent cook. I'll constantly glance at this thing just to make sure I'm not missing an ingredient (like mustard powder in my bearnaise). The Commander's book is good, but unless you live on the gulf coast, it's often hard to get many of the ingredients. Although, I found a mexican market in Chicago that carries fresh mirlitons, although they call them something different. They also carry fresh okra. Da Wife uses Fannie and the big-ass Good Housekeeping book. The old version, where they call for ingredients like lard. Amen.
  282. ashley on Mne sorok syem lyet.
    November 30th, 2004  3:54 am

  283. Man, after working through this book, I can't help but think that a mezzaluna is cheating. Double bladed, no less. How you gonna sharpen that sucka? I'm just not a fan. I'm thinking that I'll use my 10" wide blade Wusthof for the big things, my Kyocera ceramic paring for the little stuff, and my Cuisinart mini-prep for the stuff that I just want small, and don't care how it looks. Of course, you could always just get a veg-o-matic, but then, even Sam Popeil's daughter didn't use one of those.
  284. ashley on Slow train comin'.
    December 1st, 2004  11:16 pm

  285. Don�t worry. Omar ain�t out. Despite Butchie�s best intentions, Omar is about to be real in, real deep. There�s gonna be a showdown with Brother Mouzone. As Omar shot Mouzone, yet showed him respect, Mouzone will not off Omar. They both, however, are going to get to the root of the problem: Stringer telling Butchie that Mouzone whacked Brandon, and Stringer getting in the way of Avon hiring Mouzone to watch the shop. Don�t forget, they also both now know what really goes on in the funeral home. I don�t know about anybody else, but I loved the way DeAndre McCullough played the part of Lamar. Simon wouldn�t have cast him in such a big role if he wasn�t straight, and if you�ve read �The Corner�, or watched the miniseries, you can�t help but root for the guy. On top of all that, he�s incredibly believable as Mouzone�s assistant who doesn�t want to go into the gay bar. Nance, I can�t believe you didn�t mention the guy in the back of one of the gay bars. Rawls. Yep, that�s right, Deputy Ops Rawls is hanging out in a gay bar, prowlin�. As much as this guy has tried to ruin the careers of Santangelo, McNulty, and Daniels (among others), a guy like McNulty could use this to shake things up a bit. I imagine that nobody downtown has a problem with Griggs being a lesbian, but they probably would have a big problem with the Deputy Ops prowlin� in a gay bar. BTW, off topic, I had a revolutionary idea. I read that Dominic West was being considered for the new James Bond. Also, you probably read that many believed that Vin Diesel as XXX is yanking the spotlight from James Bond, and that more young people would prefer to watch a XXX styled character. With that, I ask you: what is the criteria for being James Bond? Well, you have to look good in a tux, you have to be somewhat athletic, and you have to have a British accent. Might I propose an actor for the James Bond character: Idris Elba. He meets all the criteria, and you just know that a black James Bond would fill the theatres. Just a thought. I don�t know how out Colvin is, either. You may have noticed in the "coming attractions" the conversations between Burrell and Carcetti. I�m thinking that Burrell and the brass may try and save their collective asses by somehow pinning the whole Hamsterdam operation on the mayor. Think about it: if they can somehow hijack the Sun story and say that Hamsterdam was the mayor�s idea, then they come off somewhat clean, and all they do is burn a mayor or a councilman. That�s not ideal, but it�s a whole lot better than carrying the load themselves. The whole mess will probably depend on who can manipulate the Sun reporters. The other people to now know what goes on in the funeral home are Colvin and McNulty, thanks to CI Stringer Bell. I think that when String gave the documents to the runner to take to Levy, he was probably getting rid of all the documents that show the legitimate business dealings of the organization. Now, if the place is raided, all they will find is drug money and drug paperwork. Cutty is still holding on. If he can teach boxing to some kids, he can resolve a bunch of loose ends, and hold his head high. Only thing, Avon may use Cutty�s ring as a training camp for new soldiers. Cutty may stay on this season. Congrats to Simon and crew. With only two episodes left in this season, you have given us a stone cold whodunit, as opposed to the dunkers that the rest of television forces upon us. That being said, there�s only two more episodes! Hopefully, we�ll get another season or two of �the best damned show on television�. The thing I like best about this show is that it truly is a story. Oz seemed to be an exercise for Tom Fontana to see what he could get away with. The Sopranos has evolved into David Chase�s �I bet I can do anything, including totally tangential episodes, and they�ll still watch�. I just can�t do Carnivale. Deadwood, I like, in a perverse sort of way. And pretty much all network stuff is crap. The Wire is just da bomb, homes! Link of the week: What are you going to do the Saturday before Christmas? You gonna be near DC? Why not spend it with the cast of The Wire? Don�t forget: no episode this Sunday. Penultimate episode the 12th, final episode of season 3 the 19th.
  286. ashley on Slow train comin'.
    December 1st, 2004  11:22 pm

  287. Looks like the previous hotlink didn't take. Here you go: The Wire official season finale party.
  288. ashley on Slow train comin'.
    December 2nd, 2004  3:08 am

  289. Brian: Jeez, man, it ain't all red-state vs. blue-state. Kind of reminds me of the Yahoo commercial where Ben Stein and Al Franken talked about what the other side used the internet for. Stein said it was so democrats could find trees to hug, and Franken said it was so republicans could find trophy wives and yachts. The fact of the matter is that "The Wire" IS about how urban America really operates. Rather than just have writers pontificate about crap, Simon and Burns spent several years in the middle of it. Read "The Corner". It's fact, not fiction. The good thing is, Simon doesn't have to sugar-coat the story for higher ratings. As the companion book says "the truth be told". And comparing "The Wire" to "Hill Street Blues"? Maybe "Hill Street Blues" to "NYPD Blue", but not "The Wire". If nothing else, "The Wire" has shown me enough local color to let me believe that I could enjoy living in Bawlmer. Nance: My European wife is still shocked by the violence on TV, but many broadcast series are much more gory than "The Wire". Hell, last night she about lost her cookies during "Iron Chef" when they were fileting live turtles. Admittedly, Marlo's last job was decidely nasty. I did like the effect of the smoke coming out of the girl's mouth. This was simply to show that Marlo is one cold mofo. Typically, "The Wire" doesn't overdo the gore portion, but they do make it have impact. When Bodie and Poot shot Wallace, they didn't have to show a lot of blood, but the inhumanity of it made me puke. Literally. And it took me several takes before I realized that the guy in the flyer with the mustache was Poot. Then I realized that the mustache wasn't what threw me; it was the do-rag covering up his receding hairline. Mary: Thanks for joining the party! I also liked the Dennis Lahane credit. "The Wire" does this all the time, and it's hard to catch them all. Ed Burns was the only name I recognized from the list of real po-lice last week, but there could have been more. The one that's most obvious this season is having Jay Landsman play a character, and having someone else playing a character name Jay Landsman. Landsman, of course, was one of the sergeants in the homicide squad from the book "Homicide: a year on the killing streets". Like I said in last week's discussion, I think that Simon is setting us up with Cutty, so they could whack him big time. I'm hoping against hope that he'll make it through this year and the next. I hadn't thought about Colvin losing the Hopkins gig because of Hamsterdam, but that is a very real possibility. Up until Hamsterdam, Bunny was a 30 year man on the force looking for the retirement and either a security job, a PI job, or a gig in the county. The gig at Johns Hopkins was perfect. If he loses that, then he may be sentenced to his own hell, like some king of public service thing. And as for both Rawls remark about Bunny and Deadwood being the new Bonanza, well, I was trying to watch my language here ever since I was chastised for quoting Vice President Cheney. ;^) That, and Nancy's obtuse website censor which told me I couldn't use the word "i n f o" because of objectionable content.
  290. ashley on Slow train comin'.
    December 2nd, 2004  9:44 am

  291. Pearlman: "an excellent legal mind". Nice gams, too. Wonder if she was goin' commando that day. I watched the coming attractions again, and I zeroed in on Avon telling Stringer that if he had a problem with them, that was on him. Hmmmm.... who could Stringer have a problem with? My guess is the combo of Mouzone and Omar. Both of these guys are big-time muscle, but they are also the most intelligent guys on the other side of the line. I'm still betting that they talk through everything, and decide that Stringer is the bigger problem for them, not Avon, and not each other. "Remarkably ineffectual". Yep, that 'bout sums it up. Now to see how they spin it. Bunny is just hoping he can make it to 30, then they're on their own. On Homicide, Brodie was simply a device, not a character. I think they may try to use the Sun reporter the same way. Simply a conduit. The powers that be will spin, manipulate, and twist that story until the truth is so far removed, you'll have to go back and watch the DVDs to find out what really happened. I like what Kim said about Carver, but he still may not get respect. The only guys who are on his side are Burrell (who bribed him with the 3 stripes) and Bunny (who told him he knows nothin about policin'), and at least one of them will be gone in 3 weeks. Although Carver may go for the higher reward, self-respect, kind of like Sydnor did at the end of the first season. People like the Hamsterdam effect, but can any of the mayoral candidates use that for their advantage? If anybody says in public that they want to continue Hamsterdam, either they will get spun out by the other candidates, or the Feds will come in on a RICO -- but maybe that's part of the bigger plan. I hadn't thought about Brianna ratting out Avon. The person who did the ratting even knew that Avon's name was on the papers. I thought that Brianna's name was on the papers -- that was part of the scheme so that Avon didn't come up on any paper trails. How could this have happened? Either Brianna or Avon or Levy had power of attorney for Avon while he was in prison. My guess is that it was never rescinded, and somebody did this recently to try to nail Avon. Stringer has no friends. Even Omar has Butchie. Stringer's time may be winding down.
  292. ashley on Slow train comin'.
    December 3rd, 2004  4:49 am

  293. Nance, Most of the legalization advocates that I have talked to have said "legalization, but with regulation". Meaning: tax the hell out of it. Kind of like what Canada does with cigarettes and liquor, but to a much higher degree. Supposedly, this would help pay for all of those needle exchanges, condoms, and clinics. To a degree, I don't see how Hamsterdam is much different than the idea of a junkie going to the clinic to get his government-paid dose of methodone. It's still basically a government-sponsored sanctioning of drug use. It ain't Zurich's Needle Park, but it's close. We can't legislate morality, but we can segregate drug users. At least Bunny had it right by putting Hamsterdam in unpopulated areas. The alternative helps no one. Remember when Kima asked Bubbles if there was anyone on the West Side he didn't know? He said "Citizens". Those that live around the Corners know how to differentiate between taxpayers, and those who are in the game. You think that the Mayor would have hesitated to fire everybody unless there was a 14% drop in crime? Because the citizens are happier, there is some worth to it. Hamsterdam is hell on earth for those that live there...but they aren't taxpayers. It's a start.
  294. ashley on Faith-based faith.
    December 4th, 2004  11:03 am

  295. Brian, buddy, face it. You are a troll. You don't really add anything to any discussion; you just quote Fox News. If I can't really add much to the discussion, I try to stay out of it. I read this blog every day, but I don't necessarily eat up bandwidth for the fun of it. You're just into that whole provoking theme. Settle down, Beavis. By the way, Brian, nice line about the "Pregnant Pause".
  296. ashley on Faith-based faith.
    December 6th, 2004  8:55 am

  297. To Brian: a)I'm an msnbc man Sorry 'bout that. I'm not a fan of any of the cable news channels anymore. CNN no longer promotes their news, they promote their personalities. I miss Bernie Kalb. b) the "preganant pause" line wasn't mine Sorry again. Great line, Danny. c) as far as worthy expenditures of bandwidth, I would tend not to blindly trust the judgement of a person who expends 4000+ characters & spaces each week on the characters and plotlines of a tv series.... but nonetheless Point taken. I just really, really like that show, and I like discussing it. To me, this is the most real thing on television. "Reality TV" just means "we're too cheap to hire writers". First time caller: I appreciate your remarks, but please read the wikipedia link I posted to the definition of a troll. I remember the old Scientology v. everyone wars in the early/mid '90s. I know what a troll is. The term is more an indicator of intent rather than viciousness.
  298. ashley on A word about comments.
    December 6th, 2004  8:39 am

  299. Holy cow. It is really bizarre when I find out with whom I agree! "Because we don't give a damn about how them Yankees teach their children, but they aint gonna rest until they damn sure tell us how we're gonna teach ours.": Nice quote, Juan. Definitely prophetic. "I am just thinking of how in the past two election cycles, the DNC has trotted out these foolish, groundless comparisons of the GOP to the Jim Crow south." Exactly. The party of Kerry was also the party of Clinton and Kennedy and Lester Maddox. The party of W was also the party of Lincoln and Nixon and Reagan. What have you done for me lately, everybody? And juan, I am shocked and amazed that I agree with your opine about the origin of the war between the states. Go figure. Although, I think you're stone cold wrong to blame this on liberals in academia. I'm one of the farthest left of anybody that posts here, and I think I'm the only university professor. This just came about because the yankees won the war, and the yankees write the history books. By making it sound like the yankees were valiantly carrying the flag of the just, they've succeeded in rewriting history. Hate to tell y'all this, but the USA had slavery since the USA was founded. Way, way before the CSA existed. Please note that I am not defending slavery in any way, shape, or form. My big question to you juan, is why do you think that liberals dominate academia? According to a NYT article last month, it is along the lines of 10:1. I'll tell you why. Because people that read become liberal. At least, that's if they understood what they read. Conservatives typically do not value doing anything for the public good unless it lines their pockets. Conservatives don't believe in art the sake of art, or social justice, or any of the other "tree hugging" causes that the liberals champion. People that get PhDs usually have a higher purpose than the acquisition of wealth. I just detest the whole "school vouchers" debate. If you don't like the school in your district, then either 1) move, and contribute to "white flight" (oh, and you'll have to move again in 7 years), 2) change it. Raise teacher salaries. Become a teacher yourself. If you take your tax money out, then you're widening the chasm. Like a friend of mine said: "Re-elect Bush. Accellerate the revolution".
  300. ashley on A word about comments.
    December 7th, 2004  4:55 am

  301. "This just came about because the yankees won the war, and the yankees write the history books." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This was bouncing around in my head after I logged off last night, Ash. "Winners write the history books." I think that's what you meant to say. Unfortunately Brian jumped all over a minor mispeak and ran with it at full speed in the wrong direction. Sigh. Yep. That's exactly what I meant to say. I should have paraphrased it so that it read "textbooks" instead of "history books", as current HS textbooks make the war between the states about as black and white (no pun intended) as it can be. "Cults breed cultists." Oh yeah. I have seen so many PhD students forced to put the pods in their trunk. Fortunately, my PhD was in a scientific field. They usually aren't as bad. Many people I knew in the humanities could only "successfully" defend their thesis if it towed their advisor's line. "I'll tell you why. Because people that read become liberal. At least, that's if they understood what they read." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`` ...And then Ashley walked into the forest of ad hominem and chewed the trees. Dang, dude. You were so rational there for a minute. Sigh. Sorry I forgot to tell everyone that I set the snark-o-meter on "obliterate" there. ;^) - "If you don't like the school in your district, then either 1) move," I only mentioned this because in the quaint little town where I got my B.S. degree is the most amazing case of white flight I've ever seen. The town is on a county border, and all of the good-ole-boys moved to the other (lily-white) county. The core of the city keeps moving westward, and of course, everyone still works in the other county. So they've basically abandoned the schools. It is truly depressing. ---- "Raise teacher salaries." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``` Amen. Teachers and Cops should make more than doctors and lawyers. Well, lawyers, anyway. I'd keep the doctors up there on the scale. ---- "If you take your tax money out, then you're widening the chasm." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`` No chasm in my neighborhood. I'm a rich Republican, remember? My school district is the second best in my state. But I understand your concern. You are talking white flight. I was talking forced values. It's a sticky wicket. Sticky indeed.
  302. ashley on Go away from this place.
    December 5th, 2004  5:24 am

  303. I'll match Brian!
  304. ashley on It has come to pass.
    December 6th, 2004  9:04 am

  305. I say we legalize steroid use. Even encourage it. Then, they'll all die at 35, and we won't have to listen to them be commentators on TV.
  306. ashley on We have an announcement.
    December 10th, 2004  9:10 am

  307. To prep for living in Detroit, I suggest you start reading the collected works of Donald Goines.
  308. ashley on Clean freak.
    December 10th, 2004  9:16 am

  309. Edwards was a total waste of a Veep candidate. If the guy can't even deliver his own state (which would have been one short to deliver the election, but still...). My prediction was that Bob Graham would become the VEEP candidate the second he dropped out of the election, because he could probably deliver Florida, and thus, the election. How do people like McAuliffe and Kerry's strategist keep getting jobs? Brian's right: make it look simple. Things like "It's the economy, stupid" get the point across. Nuance don't win elections.
  310. ashley on Crazy thinking.
    December 11th, 2004  8:33 pm

  311. When I think about how Reagan dumped all of the mentally ill out of the institutions, I think of Philip Bury. Of course, you may know him better as Buck Naked, if you know him at all. Long story short: guy named Michael Kagan was released from an institution when Reagan was emptying the looney bins (and increasing the prison population with draconian drug policies...anyway). Kagan was an obsessive pigeon feeder. Buck was walking his dog in golden gate park. Kagan thought that Buck and his dog were bothering the pigeons. So Kagan shot Buck to death. At least we didn't infringe on Kagan's second amendment rights.
  312. ashley on Crazy thinking.
    December 14th, 2004  12:28 am

  313. Juan, Why do I have to pick either "good" or "bad", and "not good" or "not bad"? Are there no shades of grey? (This, coming from a professor whose chief research has been in 'fuzzy logic') Kind of like, there are no blue or red states, but they're all kind of purple.
  314. ashley on A grand night out.
    December 14th, 2004  5:55 am

  315. I always thought that Mississippi liquor laws were victorian because you couldn't buy on Sunday, but this was county specific. Also, it was 18 to buy beer/wine, and 21 for liquor, and they had drive-thru beer barns. In Florida, you had to wait until 1:00 on Sunday to buy beer, at the time when that mattered to me. Of course, in New Orleans, it's 24x7 for anything, anytime. Drive thru daiquiri bars, and it ain't an open container if they don't pierce the lid with the straw. Liquor for sale in drug stores and gas stations. Amen.
  316. ashley on Move-in condition.
    December 14th, 2004  5:49 am

  317. Beg, borrow, or steal the money. Get the house you want, and don't spend years and thousands of dollars trying to turn something else into the house you want. You don't want or need that hassle. Worst case scenario, go with a novel mortgage instead of a traditional mortgage, and interest be damned.
  318. ashley on Get on with it, then.
    December 15th, 2004  5:27 am

  319. Apologies up front; this is really long. I just watched a 58 minute episode, and about the only thing I can remember is: "Your own boy gave you up". And "get on with it, motherfuckers". If nothing else, this shows the brilliance and discipline of David Simon. So what if Stringer has become a fan favorite and the character with the most facets. Character is subservient to story. Everything is subservient to story. If it advances the story, go with it, everything else be damned. Remember D, Sobotka, and Wallace? It shouldn't have been a surprise. Now, I have been saying for the past few weeks that Stringer had no friends, from Clay Davis to Avon to the boys on the corners. He also had plenty of enemies, from Brianna to McNulty to Marlo to Prop Joe to Brother Mouzone to Omar. But I didn't see String getting whacked the way he got whacked, with Avon giving him up. Damn. BTW, it's always a bad omen when two guys that came up together giving each other a hug with about 10 minutes left to go in the show. Happened in New Jack City, Happened here. Also, after that hug, don't tell the guy where you're planning to be the next day. Damn. So. Where are we now? Well, McNulty is trying his damnedest to mend fences with Daniels, but it looks like Daniels is still less than thrilled with Jimmy's behavior. Jimmy doesn't want to go back on a boat. Can you believe that Jimmy walked out on D'agostino? Evidently, that piece of ass wasn't worth his pride. He saw that she was just playing him to find out the scoop on Bunny. Jimmy is loyal like a dog to Bunny, and some Washington spin doctor with boobs ain't changin' that. Avon is stealing pages from Pablo Escobar, and helping out Cutty in the public affairs sector. Somehow, I don't see Marlo doing this kind of thing, ever. Avon is the people's drug dealer. For some reason, I'm feeling better about Cutty making it through. However, that next episode looks like Fallujah West. I'm not wagering any money on who comes out of that one alive. Did you catch the cameos of Dennis Lehane and former Bawlmer mayor Kurt Schmoke' With Russell Bell (RIP) gone, who starts handling the day-to-day affairs of Barksdale, inc.? Who else knows Robert's rules of order? What becomes of the co-op' We may find out next week. Link-o-rama: Need a late Xmas present? How about Season 2 of The Wire on DVD? It's available on January 25. Relive Sobatka, Ziggy, Beattie and the gang. Speaking of Mr. Bell, I read somewhere that a certain publication erroneously called Mr. Elba an 'African-American'. Damn. Don't nobody do research anymore? He's British, raised in Hackney, via Ghana and Sierra Leone. Don't believe me? Check out The NY Times story on him. Of course, registration required. Time and the San Francisco Chronicle and the Village Voice are right. This is the best damn show on television. Let's hope that our good friends at HBO give Simon and company a fourth year'and more. However, some people aren't too optimistic. I guess they want us to have more CSI, where every crime is solved in 58 minutes! I'll pay double for HBO if they keep this show on the air. Damn. Even if they do, I'm gonna have to endure Carnivale and such until The Wire cycles around again. HBO, give us at least one more year, if not two. Doesn't it matter that the critics call it the best show on TV? Or do you have to give us more drivel like 'First and Ten' and Arli$$. Who have you ever met that would admit in public that they watched Arli$$? What about 'Life of the married man'? Just give Simon the money, and let him earn you even more accolades. Sigh. Need a time killer? This Wire trivia game will kick the bootie of even the most attentive Wire fan. Like me, for example. Teach me not to pay full and complete attention. I wonder if Bubs will be selling these anytime soon. Read about the real Baltimore murder epidemic, with quotes from Simon. If you read 'The Corner', you know about Ella 'Miss Ella' Thompson. If you read 'Homicide: A Year on the Killing Streets', you know about her daughter, Andrea Perry. The Ella Thompson Fund is a Baltimore charity benefiting children and youth centers. The cast and crew of The Wire did a benefit for the fund last June. Photos are available here, and here. If you aren't busy on Saturday night, here's The Wire season end party. From the HBO Wire forum: > Mr. Simon, > > Would you be able to give an honest, no BS assessment > on whether or not you think there will be a season 4 > and beyond' I figure the standard answer would be "We > have to wait and see if they renew us." but what do > YOU think' We will have to wait and see if they renew us. Heh. Seriously, that's the exact truth. If I had to lay odds, I'd say even up. And if you know any Nielsen families, hold a gun to their heads and make 'em watch HBO at nine the next coupla Sundays. So if you know any Nielsen families, let's all threaten their kneecaps and children. I know I will. I can't wait to see what happens in the last episode. Did you catch the coming next week clips? Looked to me like a)Rawls had a lot of stars on his uniform'kind of like a commissioner, and b)was that not Kima at it hot and heavy with McNulty' According to some media sources, only about 1.5 mil are watching The Wire. These same people must not like hot sauce. I want to see next season. I want to see Brother Mouzone take a bigger role. I want to see Rawls get outed. I want to see who steps up to take String's place. Could it be Bodie? Could the smart-ass pawn make it to the other end of the board? I want to see what the hell Omar is going to do next. I want to smile when I see DeAndre, DeRodd, Tyreeka, Fran, and Blue playing bit parts, handing out needles at the Hampsterdam exchange, arguing about port vs. sherry? Most of all, I want to see the best writing, acting, and story extant. I asked David Simon on the HBO boards what the fans could do to help ensure another season. His reply: > Mr. Simon, > > I've read in media outlets that "The Wire" has low > ratings and may not be renewed for a fourth season. > Is there anything we, the fans, can do to help > p ensure that there is a fourth season' > > Also, where can I get an issue of "Irish Lasses"' > ;^) > > Thanks, > > Ashley Morris I suppose you could tell HBO you like the show. Short of that, and maybe using word-of-mouth to encourage some more viewing by friends and family, what else is there' Oh yeah. Buy some DVDs and give them to fresh viewers for XMas. The DVD sales might help make us seem more of an asset to the network. But what else can you say' Irish Lasses is, I'm afraid, a creation of our propmaster, Mike Sabo. It exists only in the one edition, and as far as I know, it lives on the prop truck. Either that or Dennis Lehane (Officer Sullivan, minor irritations) took that one copy with him as a (ahem) souvenier. So, everyone please go to the HBO website, click on the "contact us" link at the bottom, and tell HBO that you watch and enjoy The Wire, and that's the main reason why you subscribe to HBO. Or something along those lines. And give the DVD set of season 1 for a Christmas present to your friends. This may be the series finale instead of the season finale, but damn, I hope not. But, hey, "it's all in the game, yo".
  320. ashley on Get on with it, then.
    December 15th, 2004  5:34 am

  321. Dammit. None of my links worked, for some obtuse reason. Season 2 of The Wire on DVD. The NY Times story on Stringer. Pessimism about renewal. The Wire trivia game. Bubbles' newest product. Baltimore murder epidemic, Miss Ella's benefit 1. Miss Ella's benefit 2. The Wire season end party. I get an error from Nancy's auto-censor when I link directly to the HBO feedback link. So, just go to HBO.com, and let them know you love and want The Wire. Amen
  322. ashley on Get on with it, then.
    December 15th, 2004  5:38 am

  323. Fuck me running. http://www.hbo.com/thewire/news/dvd2.shtml http://www.nytimes.com/2004/12/13/arts/television/13wire.html?oref=login&oref=login http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2004/12/10/DDG1FA8O1P1.DTL http://www.hbo.com/thewire/games/ http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=1941179 http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/opinion/perspective/bal-pe.murder12dec12,1,5385774.story#hlotslinks http://homepage.mac.com/surfwolf/PhotoAlbum42.html http://www.hbo.com/slideshows/anightatthewire.htm http://www.ladiesmakingithot.com
  324. ashley on Get on with it, then.
    December 16th, 2004  2:30 am

  325. Laura: "First, let me get up and dust myself off, as I was ROTFLMAO upon seeing "discipline" and "David Simon" in the same sentence. Best laugh I've had all week." Well, damn. I'm glad I could brighten up your day! Big ;^) As you know, I was just talking discipline in the sense of story over character. I'm still glad you got a guffaw or two out of it. When reading the quotes of Simon, one can see that he does not necessarily like to kill off characters. He still openly mourns about Wallace, which was to me, the most brutal of all the murders, even worse than Marlo 3-shooting Avon's girl, even worse than D getting garrotted. He'll do this for story, and story alone. I have to keep this in mind when reading stuff I like, even. For example, it kind of pains me when Carl Hiaasen brings back Skink. He doesn't need Skink for his novels, but Skink does give the reader that air of familarity, whether or not he advances the story. Skink usually doesn't. Rather, he drags it down an old familiar road, which, I guess, the audience likes. It was hysterical reading fan reaction on the boards last year, when viewers were begging Simon to bring back D. Simon said something like "maybe as an angel who could grant wishes? No, sorry, he's dead.". Fans don't usually seem to get the fact that Simon isn't pandering for ratings as much as he's just telling the best story he can. Hopefully, the viewers will like it. If he was going to wave a magic wand and bring somebody back, I'd ask for Gary McCullough. But that ain't gonna happen. Welcome to reality.
  326. ashley on Get on with it, then.
    December 16th, 2004  8:52 am

  327. One mo thing. When they intercepted String's phone transmission, the guy String was talking to said something about "those two hitters you wanted". So for whom was String hiring hit men? Clay Davis...or Avon?
  328. ashley on The 36 hours are up.
    December 19th, 2004  3:04 am

  329. I met this guy once at a party that was the fiance of an old friend. She dumped one of my best friends to hook up with this guy, who was a lawyer. At the party, she introduced me to the guy: "Hi Ashley, this is Frederic". "Hi. Mind if I call you Dick?" "Well, my name's Frederic." "OK. Mind if I call you Dick?"
  330. ashley on The 36 hours are up.
    December 21st, 2004  4:30 am

  331. Juan, There's a whole lot of backstory involved that I don't intend to share.
  332. ashley on Mission accomplished.
    December 20th, 2004  9:53 am

  333. For each of the 3 seasons, I have felt drained after the finale. I feel hopeful for some characters, and dejected for others. Thank you, Simon, Burns, and company, for another 12 hours of perfection in storytelling. It seems like, after watching a Wire season finale, I don't want to watch anything else on TV. Everything else will fall short. Who was the genius that thought "Bend it like Beckham" would be a good lead-in for "The Wire". Maybe the same programming guru that put "The Wire" up against Sunday Night Football. If you want to go up against the NFL, put Carnivale or Six Feet Under. Go for your demographic, dammit. Mary, you did call it. I didn't see Bunny losing both the Hopkins job and the pension, but sure 'nuff, he did. There will be other security jobs, but getting busted down to Lieutenant stings. I had no idea that Burrell was a political animal like that. Maybe, if Carcetti gets elected, he can do something with Bunny. He owes Bunny one. Was Carcetti not downright statesmanlike in that speech? Hell, the boy grew cojones. Even impressed D'Agostino and Odell. Kinda pissed off Gray, though. Think about it: Slim Charles and Bodie are the big players in the Barksdale organization on the street. Looks to me, for next season, like Barksdale may try to join up with Marlo (yes, I said Marlo), since Marlo ain't in the co-op, and Avon is about to be out of the co-op. Daniels made major, McNulty wants to walk a beat. I may be totally off here, but I think that the focus of one of the next two seasons may be the educational system. It makes sense, since a) Cutty's old flame is a teacher, and b) Ed Burns worked as a middle school teacher. That would also dovetail nicely with McNulty walking a beat. The one thing I did see coming was McNulty and Beadie. Of course, the foreshadowing really helped. It's nice to see that Pryz isn't totally gone. Like I said, don't give him a gun, and tether his ass next to Freamon's desk. Cutty, my man, expended his energy in a slightly different way than Daniels. I guess they both work out, huh? Did Fruit not look like he had seen a ghost when he walked out of that convenience store and saw Cutty? At least he made it through the season. Go ahead and kill off whoever you want, because they'll bring a character just as good into the mix. And now you have the brain-dead Herc busting corner boys, which he and his ilk think is real police work. The status quo is back, and the brass is happy. Too bad the people that live in the Western aren't. And I had the same routine as Mary: get the kids in bed in time to see the HBO East showing. I won't have a routine like this until next season, if there is one. But, since the Sopranos, Sex and the City, and Six Feet Under are all going the way of the dodo, it makes sense for HBO to keep what Time calls the best show on TV. Let's hope so.
  334. ashley on Mission accomplished.
    December 20th, 2004  1:09 pm

  335. Forgot one big thing: Johnny, Rest in Peace. The needle got him before the bug did.
  336. ashley on Mission accomplished.
    December 21st, 2004  11:55 pm

  337. I thought that the Daniels/wife situation paralleled the Kima/wife situation. Cheryl wanted Kima to be a house cat, and it seems to me that Marla wanted the same thing for Daniels. The fact that he already has a law degree, and he wasn't making any progress toward Major let Marla to believe he was wasting his life. I don't know if that's the only thing, but it did seem to me that they had other problems, 'cause they never quite seemed to be without conflict.
  338. ashley on Monday, Monday.
    December 22nd, 2004  3:40 am

  339. The New Orleans Times-Picayune not only lists the age and place of death in the obits, they put the cause and nickname. Real example: Terrance Anthony "Frog" Harris, a computer technician, died Monday of a gunshot wound at Prytania Street and Washington Avenue. He was 34. I've never seen another paper do this...do they?
  340. ashley on Monday, Monday.
    December 22nd, 2004  10:03 pm

  341. "Perhaps I should adopt a moniker as outrageous as that so if I am ever in a newspaper article, I could insist upon being ID'ed by my nickname." Bernie "I told you I was sick" Edestein died on Thursday...
  342. ashley on Solstice.
    December 22nd, 2004  3:50 am

  343. Nance, you were the copy editor for the Sports crew? No offense at all, but it kind of reminds me of the old Zappa quote about rock journalism. "Rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read."
  344. ashley on Solstice.
    December 22nd, 2004  6:26 am

  345. "The walk-off homer, the solo shot, the double-double, the triple-double". If nothing else, you could get a gig writing porno scripts.
  346. ashley on CPR for "The Wire," stat.
    December 28th, 2004  4:58 am

  347. How I became a "big man in porn". Well, back in the late 80s/early 90s, the music business was not exactly like it is now. Nowadays, anybody can produce a CD. Back then, demo cassettes were king. I got tired of working with musicians, as most of them are as quirkier than a 72 Matador. So I decided to release a demo tape, with me playing every instrument. The advantage of this was that I didn't have to deal with any other musicians; the disadvantage was that I was constrained by the limit of my ability on each instrument. I rationalized this out by telling myself "This is a demo—not a full blown album. I don't need to create 'Hotel California'". So when it was done, I was happy enough with it. I had Warner/Elektra/Asylum produce a thousand cassettes for me, and I mailed out about 600 of them. Every single record company I could find. Many were returned unopened, with NO UNSOLICITED MATERIAL stamped on the front. Some responded with things like "We like it, but it fits no genre we have. How can we market it?" Some said "I love it, my friends love it, but there's no market for it.". Some said "This is the single worst thing I have ever heard". In any case, nobody wanted to give me a big dollar record contract. Finally, after months of rejection, I got a positive response. A really positive response. Ashlyn Gere, porno queen, somehow got a copy of the tape. She claimed to like it, like it a lot. She wanted to use a couple of songs from the tape on her new feature: "Realities 2". I guess it would answer all those questions left unresolved by Realities 1. At this point, after hearing nothing but rejection, I said why not. I asked if they wanted a DAT master, and they said no, they would just get the sound off of the cassette. At this point, I knew it wouldn't be a real 'quality' production, but hey, why not. Ashlyn also told me that her contract meant that it would appear on Playboy. Huzzah! Playboy! This meant two things to me: 1) I would get paid. I wouldn't get any money for the picture, but I would get some money from BMI when it was broadcast. It also meant that 2) I'd be a real songwriter. My next step was to talk to the people at BMI about the publishing rights. Well, it turns out that there are two types of music in films/TV. First is incidental music, which is simply music going on in the background. The other is choreographed music. The BMI/ASCAP definition of "choreographed" was something like "would the action on screen have been different with different music". When I got the video, I felt that I could honestly tell them "Yes, the screen action would have been different". By the way, "choreographed" music gets paid at a triple rate. Boy, was that a fun conversation. It was a good thing that my music was used for a masturbation scene—somehow if my songs made people want to have group anal sex, I wouldn't have gotten a warm fuzzy. Originally, I thought that they would use the one instrumental on the tape. Oh no. They were going to use my sickeningly sweet love song. Yecchh. My voice would also be on there. I asked my buddy, writer Steven Schneck, if I should use my real name. He said "you'll never work in this town again". I told him that I wasn't working there now. Besides, Ashlyn rejected my favorite name, "Miles Long". Steven was also the guy that had a Spanish copy of Dianetics: Dianetica. I asked him if he read it in Spanish. He said "Since I'm not going to read it, I might as well not read it in Spanish". So, for a couple of years I received Christmas cards from Ashlyn (signed "all my sex"), thank yous, and requests for more music. I did get one check from BMI. I thought about framing it, but by cashing it, I got to deduct absolutely everything musically related. Huzzah. So there ends my foray into pornography—as well as my foray into the music business. However, people occasionally look at my PADI Divemaster ID and say I look like Ron Jeremy. That can't be a good thing, can it? Good thing I got that Ph.D., huh? Fun links for more backstory: http://morrisxp.cti.depaul.edu/knifebw2.jpg http://www.ashlyn.com http://excaliburfilms.com/AdultDVD/76326D2+Ashlyn+Geres+Realities+2+dvd.htm http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0162594/ And don't forget: http://dontburnthewire.com
  348. ashley on CPR for "The Wire," stat.
    December 29th, 2004  11:35 am

  349. I tell people I was Ron's stunt double. Suddenly, that joke got new life when "Orgazmo" came out. BTW, the easy to remember link is SaveTheWire.com
  350. ashley on Happier new year.
    January 4th, 2005  11:04 am

  351. What goes better in a shot glass than tequila? No. Really good tequila, that you don't have to chase with citrus.
  352. ashley on Honest, officer.
    January 6th, 2005  8:01 am

  353. You know, living in New Orleans expunges every thought you may ever have of "is it too early to drink?" The indicator of being in the bar too long is when you exit the bar, and the sun greets you, after entering the bar in total darkness. Yes this happened. I looked at the bright side: I was driving against traffic on the way home.
  354. ashley on The pledge.
    January 8th, 2005  2:22 am

  355. I used to think I drank too much. Then I moved to New Orleans, and realized I was practicing in moderation. Seriously. About half of my friends in NOLA would be considered alcoholics if they lived anywhere else.
  356. ashley on The pledge.
    January 9th, 2005  9:33 am

  357. The worst thing you can ever do at a party is turn down a drink. That way they know you're an alcoholic...or else, even worse, they think you're an alcoholic. Insane. Just like how people insist that you either live in a blue or a red state, but we all live in purple states. One of the things that make Europe a bit different is that most people can walk to and back from the pub. In "the greatest country on earth", we have this wonderful urban planning that puts homes far away from any sort of "third place". So, yes, my solution to drunk driving is a lower bac threshold, more bars, and public transportation. Yeah, you find drunks all over Russia, but in Czech, I see men drinking 6 beers a day like it's water. That's right: 334 pints/year/person. Highest in the world. A good stupor is considered a birthright...then they catch the tram home, and they feel patriotic about drinking the mother brew.
  358. ashley on The pledge.
    January 10th, 2005  5:20 am

  359. Au contraire, mon frere. Brian, I'm sure you can get your diet coke just about everywhere...but even then, you're going to have to go a ways to get it. Why are you excluding gated communities? That's a smaller part of the bigger problem. There is no core anymore. Suburbs with no core have spawned outer suburbs with nothing but homes. To get to a grocery store, you have to drive there. Too far to walk. Of course, most people aren't even going to the grocery stores, they're going to the ultra-mega-wal-mart or Costco, which dissolutes the core even further. When you're there, you aren't going to know (let alone speak with) any of the people that work there, and they won't talk to you. You can't tell the butcher what kind of cut of meat you would like, and so on. My point was that current urban planning focuses on maximizing profit for the devloper, at the expense of everything else; and that our reliance on automobiles has made us more isolated from any kind of a "third place". And the idea of simply marking out who vends alcohol totally misses my point of a third place. Maybe you can buy alcoholic beverages at a drug store, but I'm not planning to sit and drink there with my buddies. It doesn't qualify as a third place. No offense, but perhaps you don't understand what I mean by a "third place". Might I recommend the books "Celebrating the Third Place" and "The Great Good Place". Sorry, but modern day Walgreens do not qualify. "How many places that you pass sell alcohol? You almost cannot go a block without passing at least one." A block? You live in a different cosmos than I do, Brian.
  360. ashley on And speaking of drinking...
    January 8th, 2005  10:57 am

  361. Parking under the influence.
  362. ashley on Zen and the art of quarterbacking.
    January 8th, 2005  10:55 am

  363. I remember how Fernando Valenzuela would basically roll his eyes up at the heavens when he threw a pitch. Now, I'm no major leaguer, but I did have a tryout with the Reds, lo, many years ago. I tried glancing away from the plate, and I about killed 3 people. Unless I was staring at the catcher's mitt the whole time, I was wilder than Bill Lee on acid. One of the things I liked about playing goalie was that it was pretty much all Zen. At a certain point, there's only so much you can do about reflexes and positioning. It all came down to mental toughness. I've heard it's the same with golf, but my game sucks so bad, I can't even get to that level.
  364. ashley on Last days in stupid city.
    January 21st, 2005  10:15 am

  365. I wouldn't let comments from that bastion of investigative journalism, "Men's Health", bother me that much. Personally, I always thought that Men's Health targeted the closet homosexual with their "build up uber-pecs!" type articles. First of all, let's look at weather. Minneapolis ranks #1, Denver ranks #3, and St. Paul ranks #4. Now, personally, if you ain't got sense enough to come in out the fargin tundra cold, you ain't close to bein' smart in my book. I don't how large a city has to be to be in this "study", but I always thought that Oak Ridge, Tennessee had to be the smartest, at least in terms of doctoral degrees per capita. Why do Nobel prizes only count in physics and medicine? Why not chemistry? And why only where the laureates were born, not where they live or where they studied? I think that the best criteria for intelligence of a city would be the lowest per capita subscription rate to "Men's Health".
  366. ashley on Last days in stupid city.
    January 21st, 2005  10:18 am

  367. Oh, Nance, you set me up: "By moving to Detroit from Fort Wayne, you're raising the average IQ of both cities." Sorry, but I had to. It's an old line that I rarely get to use. Oh, and how any city is fatter than New Orleans just astounds me. There, when your fries get cold, they rebatter and re-fry them. Then add gravy. Then stick it on a po-boy. With mayonnaise. Mmmmmmm, I can feel my arteries harden just thinking about it.
  368. ashley on Last days in stupid city.
    January 21st, 2005  7:54 pm

  369. Michael: I was referring to Nance's link to the USA Today story about the Men's Health article. They rank the top 5 smartest as: Minneapolis, Boston, Denver, St. Paul and Seattle. My point was that you can disqualify at least 3 of them (and probably Boston as well) simply because of their Irkutsk-like weather. If you were "smart", you should be smart enough to get yo' ass outta there and go somewhere warmer. My bigger point was bad analysis techniques with non-scientific methods makes for bogus conclusions.
  370. ashley on Back, for real.
    February 5th, 2005  7:13 am

  371. I don't know about you guys, but I'm astonished that Ward Churchill got as far as he did. If you go to the CU page, and look at his vita, you might very well be surprised. This guy has claimed to be a Cherokee Indian, after all, his "research" is typically in American Indian culture, but he is not an Indian. Second, he was chair of the "department of ethnic studies". Whaddafuck is dis? For people that can't cut it in Anthropology or Sociology? What a politically correct copout. Finally, he is a tenured full Professor, and doesn't even have a Ph.D., or any terminal degree. For those of you not familiar with academe, dis jus' don' happen. Especially at a "well respected" school such as CU Boulder. A full professor? Go figgur. All that being said, he's an idiot. O'Reilly is a thug, and a lying, sexist pig thug at that. How he could possibly go on Jon Stewart's show and claim in late October that "he honestly did not know who" he was going to vote for, well, he has no skeleton, as he is full of merde. Cohen, however, nailed it. The first amendment let's us say things like "W is a lying draft doger" and "Ken Lay is a great American" and get away with it. Now, the question becomes "Should CU and the board of regents fire Churchill"? As much as I think the guy is a festering ball of pus on all of academia, I have to say that no, they should not fire him. Simply because the veil of tenure allows him the academic freedom to pursue any thread of research he wishes. Don't mess with tenure, the effects could be disastrous. We could end up with the David Horowitzes of the world running the Universities.
  372. ashley on A Beatles medley? Do tell.
    February 7th, 2005  11:04 am

  373. I, too, have been a food flinger. After explicitly saying I wanted a burger with no onions, the staff at Steak and Shake in Pensacola thought it proper to still serve me one with onions. I unwrapped the burger, found the offending vegetable, and flung pieces of said vegetable back through said drive through window. While flinging, I said to the staff, "I said no onions". Perhaps, I'm just too much of a teacher. I like to think that the next time someone asks for no onions, they would listen to the request, think upon past events, and prepare the sandwich properly. I'm a realist, though. Now, I realize that they will probably just add extra pubic hair.
  374. ashley on A Beatles medley? Do tell.
    February 8th, 2005  2:28 am

  375. Bob, Danny, I know exactly where you're coming from. I remember my piteous job sweeping up in a mall where people would find new and exciting ways to make my life hell. The problem to me is that people don't take any pride in their work any more. It isn't too hard to make a burger without onions on it. It isn't too hard to give a person that ordered an eggamuffin an eggamuffin instead of a sausage mcmuffin. It seems to me that 1) people just can't be bothered, 2) unless you pay a premium, you aren't entitled to even adequate service, 3) people are now raised with such a notion of self worth and entitlement, that they fail to respect anyone else in any position. \soapbox
  376. ashley on Gotta get outta here.
    February 18th, 2005  5:29 am

  377. I say you roadtrip it over to Chitown and go to IKEA. Embrace your inner child by having furniture like one.
  378. ashley on How not to do it.
    February 18th, 2005  11:04 pm

  379. Here is another "ruins of Detroit" website that has more pix and provides somewhat entertaining commentary.
  380. ashley on HST, RIP.
    February 22nd, 2005  1:03 am

  381. Will we ever forget these legendary quotes? "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro" "As your attorney, I advise you to begin drinking heavily" "The only thing that really worried me was the ether" "And then, wafting in on the breeze, will come the scent of dried blood, semen, and human grease" "Time is running out. We must both do something monstrous before we die" I agree wholeheartedly with Nance. He got lazier, but then, who doesn't. I probably do not want to believe that he offed himself, but since he was so skilled with firearms, it had to be on purpose. Also, I agree with Nance on the idea that you need to know the rules to break the rules. This explains: HST, Picasso, Dali, Einstein, Scorsese. It also explains those who do not know the rules before they try to break them: The entire NBA, Jeff Gannon, most of my students...
  382. ashley on HST, RIP.
    February 22nd, 2005  7:19 am

  383. BTW, "The Curse of Lono" is perfect...HST at his most bizarre, with Ralph Steadman illustrations on just about every page. "Generation of Swine" was, otoh, phoned in.
  384. ashley on Land of the ...Flems?
    February 28th, 2005  8:31 am

  385. Lambics. Thanks for the lambics. My favorite being delirium tremens.
  386. ashley on Best picture.
    March 1st, 2005  4:44 am

  387. My opinion of Chris Rock's performance is echoed by Tim Robbins.
  388. ashley on Out, out brief candle.
    March 8th, 2005  3:48 am

  389. Use one of these and Final Vinyl and put all those LPs into iTunes. And keep Let's Dance if for no other reason than the fact that Stevie Ray Vaughn is playing guitar.
  390. ashley on Not Ms. Language Person.
    March 9th, 2005  8:26 am

  391. Throttling the purple helmeted soldier of love Shaking the one eyed trouser snake My all time favorite piece of graffiti: "Jesus Saves"...then, below, in a different style of writing "...but Gretzky slams in the rebound!" Followed closely by "Save Soviet Jews...win valuable prizes"
  392. ashley on Profits and efficiency.
    March 10th, 2005  9:19 am

  393. "The idea that people who profit from the public airwaves should serve the public is positively antique, but it was a good one, and I'm sorry to see it go." NO NO NO! After the revolution, it will go back to this. Corporations will be responsible to their customers, to the environment, and to their employees. Lastly, they will be responsible to their shareholders. After the revolution, there will once again be rules in place that a single company can own multiple media outlets in the same market....and can own only a few in all. No more CapCities, Fox, ClearChannel, or the rest of big media. This, for no other reason than the fact that we are approaching critical mass: there will be only a handful of global media outlets, all spewing the same company line. Consolidation and globalization means that we are fast approaching post-capitalism. How many people would rather pay for news from online sources than get it free over the airwaves? How many would rather pay for entertainment than get it from broadcast TV? Hasta la victoria, siempre.
  394. ashley on It's stalking me.
    April 5th, 2005  12:16 pm

  395. Here is an excellent article about the pope's stance on capitalism and free markets...and why, ultimately, they don't work.
  396. ashley on We are risen.
    April 6th, 2005  10:02 pm

  397. No reference to Gordon (hic) Lightfoot's classic would be complete without Richard Jeni's version. A couple of choice lines are something like the women all turning to drugs and prostitution and the mens lungs all filling up with water. I can't belive I can't google this. What the bleep is the bleeping net for if I can't find Jeni's new lyrics, I aks you? As far as the papal coverage, I hope to once again enter the "Find the popes in the pizza" contest. Viva father Sarducci.
  398. ashley on Erg fun.
    April 13th, 2005  10:50 pm

  399. Mitch Albom is as overrated as Australian wines. Let me save you several gut-wrenching hours...here's the entire story of "Tuesday's with Morrie": While alive, live. There, now thing of all the time you'll have to wax poetic about the Red Wings. Man, I hope the curtain does come crashing down on him. The best thing he wrote in the past decade was "Hit Somebody" with Warren, and even it had major flaws. "A Czech at the blue line looking for a fight?" The last time the Czechs fought anybody, Jan Hus got burned at the stake for it.
  400. ashley on Erg fun.
    April 14th, 2005  12:30 am

  401. Hey, at least I didn't mention his buddy Jan Zizka, the one-eyed military genius. Don't forget to tip your waitresses and bartenders.
  402. ashley on Erg fun.
    April 14th, 2005  3:01 pm

  403. Man, I miss Dick Schaap. If you ever get a chance to watch "Flashing before my eyes" on ESPN classic, do it. Now, it seems, most all sportswriters and every single sports TV guy is worried about their Q rating and not much else.
  404. ashley on Erg fun.
    April 14th, 2005  3:04 pm

  405. My favorite Dick Schaap quote: "The guy who ought to be commissioner of baseball is Fidel Castro, because he speaks Spanish, he's had a lot of dealings with Washington, and he played the game."
  406. ashley on Ruffled feathers.
    April 18th, 2005  12:11 pm

  407. Ahhh....geese. What can a goose do that a duck can't that a lawyer should? Stick its bill up its ass.
  408. ashley on Ruffled feathers.
    April 18th, 2005  8:43 pm

  409. NO NO NO! If you're gonna do the IN-N-Out thing, don't order onions...order GRILLED onions on your double-double, and they won't be harsh at all.
  410. ashley on Tylenol day.
    April 20th, 2005  7:24 pm

  411. As a guy with a bunch of stainless and titanium in his lower legs, I just couldn't get over the fact that the guy playing the lead character either a) limps on the wrong leg, or b) carries his cane in the wrong hand. Deal breaker, sorry. That, and the fact that some fools claim that this is the best show on television. Har. That, my friends, is an honor reserved for the recently saved "The Wire". Can I get an Amen on that?
  412. ashley on Snicker.
    April 20th, 2005  9:51 pm

  413. If y'all ain't been listenin' to Al Franken, he had the one, the only, Father Guido Sarducci display his affection for Cardinal John Ratzenberger. http://www.ofrankenfactor.com/ Always wondered what he did after Cheers...
  414. ashley on Snicker.
    April 22nd, 2005  1:03 pm

  415. From "Father Ted": "Fascists dress in black and tell people what to do, whereas priests..."
  416. ashley on Ain't nothin' but a hound dog.
    April 22nd, 2005  9:43 am

  417. Rachel Ray? Wow. She should be on Iron Chef. If she can do all that in 30 minutes, imagine what she could do in an hour! She moans with joy even before putting food in her mouth when telling us about her adventures. Man, I just want to take a shower after watching anything she's on.
  418. ashley on Ain't nothin' but a hound dog.
    April 23rd, 2005  12:43 am

  419. If you're looking for hot Lebanese women, look no farther than Shannon Elizabeth. Boo yah.
  420. ashley on A moment of silence, please.
    April 30th, 2005  12:57 am

  421. I think that Hoosiers ought to be true pioneers, like Newfies. In Newfoundland, they're half an hour between time zones. So, 7:00 in Chicago is 8:00 in New York, and 7:30 in Indy. I mean, if you're gonna be different...
  422. ashley on Gift-wrap that Fry Baby.
    May 3rd, 2005  5:03 am

  423. My mom arranged the church for our wedding. Of course, she messed up somehow, and they DIDN'T UNLOCK THE FUKKING DOORS! That's right, we couldn't get inside. We even had to change outside. The wife was none too happy with this situation. Fortuna, however, in her infinite wisdom, had the nicest day of May planned, weather-wise, so we had the wedding outside in the pagoda. Loverly. Mommie dearest then planned the reception at the Elk's lodge with paper plates and a cash bar. First thing I did was give the barkeep $200 and said "Let me know when this runs out. My friend the DJ not only burned CDs for the reception (yes, we had Billy Idol's White Wedding), but also for the wedding itself. We couldn't get in the damned church, but the power worked, so we plugged in the PA and had nice classical wedding music. Oh, and this was all done the day after my PhD was conferred. Now commencement in the Superdome is another deal entirely! I agree with Nance on the Vegas thing. I'd pay big bucks to have Jim Ignatowski do the ceremony.
  424. ashley on Gathering moss.
    May 11th, 2005  8:30 pm

  425. Nance, you've digressed to American Idol? No wonder we're going to hell in a bucket. I'm too old for stadium concerts, even though I'd love to see both Green Day and Audioslave (who just played a free show in Havana!) while I'm in Prague. You gotta love the stones, if for no other reasons than 1) Keith should have been dead 20 times by now and 2) they're still touring. I still think Charlie Watts is about the coolest guy since either Paul Drake or Race Bannon. Speaking of obscure brain-worm songs, one that's been drilling a hole in my skull lately is "Jane's Getting Serious" by Jon Astley, from his wonderfully titled album "Everyone loves the pilot (except the crew)". Not in the iTunes music store, but I have it on vinyl...in a box...in storage.
  426. ashley on Gathering moss.
    May 12th, 2005  1:23 am

  427. ...and Race had that cool diagonally-buttoned red shirt. However, rumors persist that he and Dr. Quest were gay. I'm not buying it...not that there's anything wrong with that...
  428. ashley on The graduate.
    May 13th, 2005  2:19 pm

  429. Brian, go to Mardi Gras. Then you'll see parades without politicians or commercialism. How anti-capitalistic!
  430. ashley on The guiltiest guys in the room.
    May 16th, 2005  12:00 pm

  431. One of my PhD students works for Goldman Sachs, and he tells me amazing stories of life in a place where nothing is held in higher esteem than pure, undiluted, laissez-faire capitalism. Enron (and to a large degree, Andersen) are results of this globalized capitalism end-game, where value to shareholder is the raison d'etre. Not employees, not sustainable business, not client well-being, and certainly not responsibility to the community. Nothing but shareholder value, everything else be damned. The ironic thing is that most Americans are in favor of this business model. With the erosion of unions, the dissolution of company (e.g., Ford and GM) pension plans, we no longer have anything resembling an environment where there is company loyalty to an employee, and vice-versa. Yet, since the union tradition has eroded, we are valuing business models like Wal-mart, where CEOs get multi-million dollar bonuses anually, and the typical worker gets just enough to be above the federal standard poverty line for a family four. Oh, and they don't get health insurance, either. Unlike in every other civilized country. I mean, I understand how many believed that unions were bad, and how GM and Ford could not compete in a global marketplace while paying $40 an hour for a welder, but at least, back then we had a visible middle class. That's going away. Enron just moved all this to the next logical step, and investors were riding the wave of uberprofits and trying to cash in. The smartest guys in the room, indeed.
  432. ashley on The guiltiest guys in the room.
    May 16th, 2005  6:28 pm

  433. BTW, last night was my 6th anniversary. On the menu: celebrating the Czechs winning the world hockey championships with the unwashed masses in Prague's Old Town Square. Think: Mardi Gras with glass. Next: La Bodeguita del Medio, the Cuban bar chain, for mojitos, salmon, tuna, shrimp, and mussels. Next: getting 2 lines on the home pregnancy test. Yes, I'm going to have 3 rugrats soon. Tonight: a sushi restaurant in Prague (!), since my wife is pretending that the results aren't valid until tomorrow. Last year, it was a Tiffany bracelet, but this year, it's der uberstroller.
  434. ashley on Case closed, maybe.
    May 18th, 2005  1:55 am

  435. FWIW, starting in September, you will have to either pay or subscribe to read the NYT op-ed pages. Seeing as how the op-ed columns are the ones most frequently emailed, I wonder if this will put a price on the journalist's views.
  436. ashley on Nobody beats the Whiz.
    May 18th, 2005  6:53 pm

  437. That action figure is fetching about $200 online. Boba Fett is the most collectible Star Wars character, even though in all 6 movies he had a whopping total of 5 lines. I read all this somewhere over the weekend while reading about the "Star Wars Holiday Special", the worst piece of drivel ever made. George, buddy, do you need the money *that* *bad*? I remember my gig as a dishwasher, when I was 16. Western Sizzlin steak house. If you've been there, you know they have metal plates: guaranteed to slice a dishwasher's fingers every friggin night. Between that, the first night being a banquet, which meant I didn't get to sit down for an entire 8 hour shift, the meat cutter who had his own collection of knives, the general trailer-park mentality of the place, and everything else, I lasted for about 8 weeks. and lest you forget: "Snake? I thought you was dead?" "The name's Plissken!"
  438. ashley on Nobody beats the Whiz.
    May 18th, 2005  6:56 pm

  439. One mo thing: I keep watching that movie, thinking that maybe this is the time that I'll get to see Adrienne Barbeau's boobs. That's why I still watch it.
  440. ashley on Nobody beats the Whiz.
    May 19th, 2005  1:29 am

  441. You guys were just itchin for this: bobafett.com ...and when it came to "Carnivale", I felt like a dog that had been fixed. I don't get it.
  442. ashley on The back and forth of it.
    June 1st, 2005  3:58 pm

  443. Read "The Five-Bedroom, Six-Figure Rootless Life" in the NYT, and see what your neighbors do the rest of the time, Nance.
  444. ashley on The Deep Throat thread.
    June 1st, 2005  4:00 pm

  445. Jeez, and I thought nobody took the rat eater seriously any more. As for Buchanan, well, that's just sad. Can't see the damned forest 'cause all the trees are in the way. I wonder if Nixon would have stolen Edwin Edwards tagline: "Vote for the crook; it's important". This, of course, when Edwards was running against the "misunderstood" David Duke.
  446. ashley on Change the station.
    June 2nd, 2005  4:21 pm

  447. Swearingen would like this edit, in the 7 minutes of deadwood vein, of NWA's whole Straight Outta Compton album edited down to just the profanity. Thanks to my bud Jim King for the link. Reminds me of when I lived in LA during the Rodney King trial. I came home from work and saw the verdict. I cranked up "F*** tha Police" on my stereo, and thought about driving downtown to protest. Then, I thought some more. Goofy looking white boy, driving a car with Mississippi plates, and they just turned over a kiosk. Yep, I'd be a dead man.
  448. ashley on The magic number is 90.
    June 6th, 2005  11:12 am

  449. Good. Curvy women live longer. Let's see more Kelly Brook and Sophia Loren, and less Kate Moss. Does this mean that Kate's gonna die soon?
  450. ashley on The magic number is 90.
    June 6th, 2005  11:13 am

  451. Oh, and more Ginger and Mary Ann, too.
  452. ashley on It's a really, really tough town.
    June 7th, 2005  4:58 pm

  453. In the Mitch Albom version of this story, the gunman said to Billie "Do you feel lucky?" before he pulled the trigger.
  454. ashley on It's a really, really tough town.
    June 8th, 2005  3:12 am

  455. Motor city? Pussies. New Orleans' murder rate in 2003 was 53.1 per 100,000. Judging by the FBI's number for this year, it is up to 56.3. We're number 1!!!!!
  456. ashley on It's a really, really tough town.
    June 8th, 2005  11:18 am

  457. Well...I'm "in transition"... I think maybe 3 Czechs were murdered all of last year, but 99473 per 100000 complained about it. And yes, except for the fact that the gunman was wearing a mask, I was picturing him whistling "The farmer in the dell".
  458. ashley on It's a really, really tough town.
    June 9th, 2005  2:07 am

  459. "Your boy gave you up". Billie, while strapped to the gurney, replied "Well, get on wif' it Mother..."
  460. ashley on Bad girl, redux.
    June 20th, 2005  7:12 pm

  461. Hey, I like showtunes as much as the next guy, but... I swear, I want to use a cattle prod on some of these kids. And I cannot believe that the kid knocked down a whole row of bikes. Minimum paint damage is at least $100 a bike. Of course, she probably knocked the derailleurs out of line and jeez...the manager should have booted them all right then and there.
  462. ashley on The weather started getting rough.
    June 22nd, 2005  3:08 pm

  463. Surprised Bob's boat didn't sink. Like a rock. I kill me. Anyway, a friend started a sailboat company over the past year, to supplement his computer engineering income. Not really liveaboards, but hey, if you can afford the boat, you can dock in Monaco.
  464. ashley on I can get you in.
    June 24th, 2005  12:25 am

  465. "Care for some gopher?" "Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?" "Germans?" "Forget it, he's rolling." ...and one of my favorites, from Used Cars "That's just too fucking high!" as the Mercedes is blown up.
  466. ashley on I can get you in.
    June 24th, 2005  2:43 am

  467. Now, they picked Strother Martin's version of failure to communicate, and not Paul Newman's...hmmmm. "Fresca?" "These go to eleven" "Scouts?" "Oh. That goes there" "I'm a soldier" "You're an errand boy" "Fuck Sosa! Fuck the fuckin' Diaz brothers. I spit on those cockroaches" "We're on a mission from God" "I shit bigger than you" "Hey bud, let's party": "Does your dog bite?" "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!" "I got nowhere else to go!" "You better get remarried soon, or your son's gonna have a cock in his mouth quicker than you can say 'Jack Robinson'"
  468. ashley on I can get you in.
    June 24th, 2005  3:33 am

  469. Nice, Carmella. Reminded me of another from Animal House: "rrrrramming speeeeeed!"
  470. ashley on I can get you in.
    June 24th, 2005  3:46 am

  471. How often do foreign languages get quoted? Remeber the Deer Hunter? MAO! MAO!
  472. ashley on I can get you in.
    June 24th, 2005  11:12 am

  473. George C. Scott, Hardcore: "Turn it off. Turn it off. Turn it OFF. TURN IT OFF!"
  474. ashley on I can get you in.
    June 24th, 2005  10:37 pm

  475. Basically, every third line in Slap Shot is a keeper. "You go to the box, you feel shame." More from other movies: "Spalding!" "Are you a Mex-I-Can, or a Mex-I-Can't?" "I can't see, fuck mook. I have no eyes"
  476. ashley on Well, I have read it.
    June 27th, 2005  12:01 pm

  477. It only matters if it's cast iron. Man, Cruise used to lay low on the scientology babble. Now he's out front with it. Matt should have asked him about body thetans, the bridge, and whether or not he was acting like an SP. Jeez, these hubbard worshipers are dangerous.
  478. ashley on Well, I have read it.
    June 27th, 2005  7:42 pm

  479. I used to think that Kirstie Alley just was wunnerful lookin'. Then, I saw her in person in 1987 or 1988 at the Long Beach Grand Prix. First, her features were actually too intense. The camera must soften them out. The worst part was that whenever somebody wanted to take a pic of her, she pointed to the logo embroidered on her black satin scientology tour jacket. Every single bleeping time. And she would tell people how dianetics and scientology made her life wunnerful wunnerful. Maybe she just needs more niacin.
  480. ashley on Well, I have read it.
    June 28th, 2005  3:35 am

  481. OT: movie quote from Blue Velvet. Unfortunately, I've had to use this one a lot lately. "Fuck you, you fucking fuck"
  482. ashley on Ephemera.
    June 29th, 2005  3:45 am

  483. How Southern? You say that like it's a bad thing.
  484. ashley on Don't be rude.
    June 29th, 2005  7:20 pm

  485. The comments by the veterans on this post reminds me of the conversation between Tony and Reverend Jim on Taxi: Tony: "Well, I served in Vietnam, what do you have to say about that?" Reverend Jim: "Thanks!"
  486. ashley on Don't be rude.
    June 29th, 2005  7:32 pm

  487. "I'm no braniac.." No, you're not.
  488. ashley on Canadian content.
    June 30th, 2005  3:57 pm

  489. Hear me out on this. When you are thinking of the great voices in rock music, you should add Burton Cummings to the list. Seriously. Listen to "Stand Tall", and tell me no. Although, I can picture him going up to some stalked woman's door, and in the voice he used at the end of "American Woman", saying "bye bye". Rush (great until you finally get laid), Saga (if you aren't cool enough for Rush), the Odds (who backed up Warren Zevon on one tour), Byran Adams (ok, he's just here for filler), Neil Young (former bandmate of Rick James), Triumph (Rik Emmett is vastly underrated), Bruce Cockburn (think if Bono had a clue), April Wine (brilliant cover of 21st century schizoid man), The Band (Robbie's a Canuck), Chilliwack (win trivia contests with this one!), and The Pursuit of Happiness (I'm an adult!) are all fine, fine examples of Canuck Rock. Then of course, there is the pox that is Celine Dion, tempered by the beauty of Leonard Cohen's lyrics, tempered by the mediocrity of Lenny's kid. And for years, Bachman-Turner Overweight was one of my favorites. If you want to read about a real soap opera, read about the changing cast of BTO, and why Randy Bachman won't appear for their induction into the Canadian music hall of fame. Take off, eh!
  490. ashley on Canadian content.
    June 30th, 2005  5:21 pm

  491. Adam Cohen.
  492. ashley on Canadian content.
    June 30th, 2005  11:54 pm

  493. Well Harry, just put the load right on me!
  494. ashley on We can dream, can't we?
    July 1st, 2005  2:23 pm

  495. I think some may be reading a bit too much into this. Independence Day is merely the title of a movie which coincides with the weekend holiday. It also happens to have some quite striking images. The only other possible film that came to mind was "Born on the 4th of July", but scientologists have gotten too much ink already lately. Was there any intent in Nancy's choice of image? Some are assuming that there was, but hey, unlike the administration's attempted purge of Lehrer's liberalism, why not just ask her? This whole conservative and liberal nomenclature is also a bit inaccurate. I am a protestant Christian (read: conservative). I think churches should be taxed (read: liberal), and so on. In general, I think NN is on the left, but thankfully, many readers are on the right, which usually makes this an entertaining read. More entertaining, than say, DailyKOS, which is slanted 1 and only 1 way (although I lean that way). For fun, and to show how the left and right labels are somewhat irrelevant and entirely inaccurate, take the test at www.politicalcompa ss.org (modified to get past Nancy's censor).
  496. ashley on We can dream, can't we?
    July 1st, 2005  3:54 pm

  497. OK, so I was wrong. I didn't see the title of Nance's post, so I guess we all know her intent. So if this offends someone, so be it. Bush War II offends me, and the thousands upon thousands it has killed.
  498. ashley on We can dream, can't we?
    July 2nd, 2005  12:39 am

  499. "I guess, if you really want an echo chamber of unchallenged, untested opinion, that is one way to do it. One good taco fart will clear out a room." But I don't. Re-read my post. Just like a dog that's been fixed, you don't get it. I mentioned that Daily Kos on one hand, and Rush Limbaugh, on the other, are not as entertaining as NN.com. Oh well, if it has the effect of getting rid of anonymous trolls, then huzzah. Everybody, have a great holiday, and enjoy every sandwich.
  500. ashley on Ol' sol.
    July 6th, 2005  11:42 am

  501. I google myself every now and then. Turns out I'm a slutty model, a minor league goalkeeper, an Aussie realtor, a top female student, a frumpy botanist, and a hot chik. The regular google searches are revealing, but the picture searches are the best.
  502. ashley on Smooth sailing.
    July 12th, 2005  3:02 am

  503. Congrats. You all got in. Now I'm priced out. I hate capitalism. ;^)
  504. ashley on The day after.
    July 14th, 2005  11:57 am

  505. Brian, sorry, but I think he's almost right about "Light my Fire". I can't figure out the whole Morrison is a god thing. The lyrics are fine, but damn, Manzarek's organ is the most obnoxious instrumental device since kids thought that Theremins belonged in surf music. The guitar is fine, too, but hey, where's the bass player? And don't tell me it's Manzarek's left hand! Once, I was in a deep depression, and I figured out why: I was listening to too much Doors. Simple as that. I quit, and suddenly, shiny happy people. It's like getting lithium. They're dead wrong about Freebird, but then, I grew up in Skynyrdland, so I'm admittedly biased. Also, I think that story about the DJ coming up with it is crap. Freebird simply served as a substitute for Whipping Post, which is what people used to scream at bands when they weren't playing what the audience wanted to hear. In fact, Frank Zappa got so tired of it, he had the band learn Whipping Post, just so they could play it and shut everybody up. And yes, Zappa's version rocked the llama's ass. Pour some sugar on me is about the most trite thing ever penned by Def Leppard, and that's saying a whole hell of a lot. Personally, I can't listen to any U2 recorded after Rattle and Hum without laughing, ever since I heard Bono say: "Play the Blues, Edge". I'm still waiting... And the author is dead, dead wrong about Born to Run. She doesn't even get the right instrument. If you're going to try to be pithy, learn the difference between a xylophone and a glockenspiel. Thanks for the link to the USA article. Man, I hate these lists, too, because there are obviously a couple of bogus entries simply to encite debate. Pearl Jam number 1? Fleetwood Mac (I thought 3/5 of them were British?) Journey in the top 5? Bwahhah ha ha ha ha Queensryche? Queensryche? And I truly wish that the Dave Matthews Band would hire a singer. Howzabout Donald Fagen?
  506. ashley on The day after.
    July 15th, 2005  11:22 am

  507. Yo! Get sum fuzzy dice wif dem curb feelers!
  508. ashley on Can't talk now...
    July 22nd, 2005  12:19 pm

  509. I can't believe Lance fell for that talentless skank backup singer. I hope she doesn't suck the life out of him, too.
  510. ashley on Can't talk now...
    July 25th, 2005  7:32 pm

  511. Ding! Exactly what Mary said. Congrats Lance.
  512. ashley on Water damage.
    August 31st, 2005  3:13 am

  513. It's over. It's all fucking over. I'm homeless. It's gone: ALL RESIDENTS ON THE EAST BANK OF ORLEANS AND JEFFERSON REMAINING IN THE METRO AREA ARE BEING TOLD TO EVACUATE AS EFFORTS TO SANDBAG THE LEVEE BREAK HAVE ENDED. THE PUMPS IN THAT AREA ARE EXPECTED TO FAIL SOON AND 9 FEET OF WATER IS EXPECTED IN THE ENTIRE EAST BANK. WITHIN THE NEXT 12-15 HOURS That's all folks.
  514. ashley on Waving farewell.
    August 31st, 2005  7:58 am

  515. wwltv.com
  516. ashley on Bullseye.
    September 1st, 2005  6:34 am

  517. Why does Bush want to get rid of FEMA? This is the same guy that just took a 5 week vacation (oh, he cut it 2 days short!) and when talking to people who have to have 3 jobs says how great it is, and that could only happen in America. Of course, instead of single handedly being responsible for all those American deaths in Iraq, he could have saved New Orleans, but where's the legacy in that?
  518. ashley on The gardeners are furious.
    September 2nd, 2005  2:24 pm

  519. I hate to add napalm to the fire, but: "Congress came out of vacation on a Sunday night to convene an emergency session to try to order Terry Schiavo's feeding tube inserted but 5 days into a national emergency they still haven't convened to take care of this." "24 hours to Baghdad, 96 hours to the CBD. Go figure." Here's a great blog from a guy stuck in the quarter watching it all go down.
  520. ashley on After the deluge...
    September 3rd, 2005  3:38 am

  521. Yeah, who's holding Brian hostage? ;^) Let me say it here: Nagin 2008 Listen
  522. ashley on Mopping up.
    September 5th, 2005  3:19 pm

  523. You gotta admit, "Rey (or Roy) d'Orleans Morris" is a hell of a lot better than Horace Boris Morris.
  524. ashley on Buying in bulk.
    September 12th, 2005  9:11 am

  525. I pride myself on my hollandaise, and thus, my bearnaise. I used to follow Mr.Frugal Gourmet's hollandaise recipe, with the exception that I used 2 pots as a double boiler rather than using a blender. The main change is using Zatarain's creole mustard instead of mustard powder, lots of Louisiana hot sauce instead of Tobasco (too vinegary), and double the amount of lemon juice. Kicking it up a notch, indeed. As I sit outside my month-to-month rental in Chicago, all I can think of is how proud I am that our Saints won, and how I can't wait to get back home. Oh, and Bill Maher rocks.
  526. ashley on Women in jep.
    September 20th, 2005  1:29 am

  527. Jeez, you act like we all HAVEN'T slept with people in leather skirts. Aaaahhhh, I love New Orleans.
  528. ashley on Women in jep.
    September 20th, 2005  7:24 am

  529. Don Johnson: "as thick as a coke can". There. Sleep well.
  530. ashley on What's for dinner?
    September 27th, 2005  6:42 pm

  531. ...Excitable Girl, they all said.
  532. ashley on What's for dinner?
    September 28th, 2005  1:12 am

  533. Bad joke alert: That picture reminds me of a really bad old joke. What kind of wood doesn't float? Natalie Wood.
  534. ashley on Shame, be my garment.
    October 3rd, 2005  7:59 pm

  535. Goober. But kudos for making this a separate post, and not editing the prior post ex post facto. So, how's that new shuffle feature working out for you, now?
  536. ashley on Lester the Nightfly.
    October 5th, 2005  8:00 pm

  537. Wunnerful wunnerful link, Nance. If not for ritalin, I would not have finished my dissertation. I was at the point where I would stare at a single page of a book for 2 hours, reading and re-reading, but not able to get to the next page. I went to the campus clinic (it's nice to do that when your University has a med school), and the head of Neurology at Tulane told me I was the textbook case of Adult ADD. He put me on ritalin (he wanted to put me on dexedrine, but the FDA asks too many questions about dex), and I finished my dissertation that semester. Told my mom about it, and her response devastated me. "Oh, they diagnosed you with that when you were 5. I didn't want you to be on drugs." Thanks, mom. C*nt. Maybe if you'd actually finished high school, you would have had a friggin' clue. Years and years of that shit could have been avoided. Yeah, I was a national merit scholar, and did really, really well on standardized test, but man, to think about what could have been. Oh, and Tom Cruise, bless your heart.
  538. ashley on Forecast: Chilly.
    October 7th, 2005  4:35 am

  539. Oddly enough, when I read this post, no WZ song popped into my mind. What song did I hear? "5 guys named Moe". The Delphi thing annoys the heck out of me. If the plants aren't competitive, look up the chain of command for the reason, not down. I had an interview to be CIO of Delphi (!) several years ago, and between the corporate structure and living in Detroit (which was a frightening proposition, as at the time, I was in nice warm dry New Orleans), I just couldn't do it. That, and the fact that they didn't offer it to me.
  540. ashley on Post seven hundred thirty nine.
    October 11th, 2005  5:49 am

  541. "He thinks within two years we'll see physical assaults by blue collars upon white collars". Well, if it does happen, remember to aim high. Middle management ain't the problem. Viva Che. Viva la revolucion.
  542. ashley on Post seven hundred thirty nine.
    October 11th, 2005  10:04 am

  543. "Never bet against the Pinkertons" Painfully insightful, Brian.
  544. ashley on Post seven hundred thirty nine.
    October 12th, 2005  7:28 am

  545. Thanks Brian, woo hoo, a 29! I own 3 cars. At the time, they were all American: Chrysler. Now, of course, they're Daimler/Chryslers, headquartered in Germany. The LeBaron was assembled in Mexico, and the Voyager and Intrepid were built in Canada. My father was in the car bidness for 25 years, and I'm as loyal a guy as you will find; but the problem is that there are no American auto manufacturers, only multinationals that happen to build here. And by here, I may mean Canada or Mexico.
  546. ashley on Post seven hundred thirty nine.
    October 12th, 2005  8:47 pm

  547. Believe it or don't, I missed "Which of these amendments is a ratified and current amendment?". I said "Equality of rights regardless of Gender"...even though they mean sex. Good thing they didn't have Jefferson Davis as an option for "Who was president during the civil war". ;^)
  548. ashley on Post seven hundred thirty nine.
    October 13th, 2005  7:32 am

  549. I'm 41, and I think that it was the late-night BS propaganda against the income tax that made me think that it didn't exist. Sigh.
  550. ashley on RIP, N-S.
    October 14th, 2005  4:51 am

  551. Tim Bayliss: I have a plan. Frank Pembleton: A plan? Tim: Yeah. A very clever plan. Frank: Bayliss has a clever plan. Tim: Do you have a plan, Frank? Frank: I admit it. I have no plan.
  552. ashley on I know just how he feels.
    October 17th, 2005  6:24 am

  553. Damn, Brian, we have a winner! What he said! I also hope the kid has the worst case of ADD this side of Crispin Glover, and doesn't get ritalin. Har!
  554. ashley on I know just how he feels.
    October 18th, 2005  12:13 am

  555. 4th principle: suing anyone and everyone repeatedly into submission. (see: cult awareness network)
  556. ashley on Where's the birdbath?
    October 18th, 2005  5:17 am

  557. Purple is good. I'm deathly afraid that some Houston contractor is going to come to the 9th ward and try to put up a bunch of beige vinyl siding foursquares. I want purple.
  558. ashley on The greatest show on earth.
    October 25th, 2005  6:10 am

  559. When I was at FSU, the Clyde Beatty/Cole Bros. circus was donated to their already strong program in circus. Circus was a subject: you take classes in circus. So, anthro and sociology majors were superior to music majors, who were superior to theatre majors, who were superior to dance majors, who finally became superior to somebody: circus people.
  560. ashley on Weather outside is frightful.
    October 26th, 2005  8:21 pm

  561. I like the name "Blowin' Deadline". Sincerely, Frank Deadline
  562. ashley on Yikes.
    November 17th, 2005  1:11 am

  563. Sarah Silverman? Jimmy Kimmel left his wife for her? I don't get it. The Belz, on the other hand, is married to Lady Chatterly. Yeah, that one. Boo yah! Me, I now have the hots for Sofia Vergara. And Jennifer Love Hewitt.
  564. ashley on The naughty passenger.
    November 17th, 2005  7:59 pm

  565. Once again: Belz is married to a former porn star. What an animal. I hear Tracy Lords is on the market again...
  566. ashley on Mid-morning salad.
    December 9th, 2005  5:33 am

  567. Read it again, Nance. They're not yanking the crap off the wall. They're changing it. "Out, for Friday's: farm implements. In: Pee-wee Herman's "Tequila" platform shoes" Oddly enough, in the TGIFridays in Prague, they had a sign from the Spearman Brewery...from Pensacola. In other news, my alma mater just gutted their engineering school because of Katrina. Another reason I love NOLA: no chain food.
  568. ashley on Bit the big one.
    December 13th, 2005  7:44 am

  569. All I can smell is mold, 'cause the fuckers ain't helping us out, and the rest of the country forgot about us.
  570. ashley on Lynx tuxedo collar
    January 20th, 2006  3:38 am

  571. Detroit no longer lays claim to best place for urban exploration. Welcome to New Orleans, forgotten city of the Americas. At least the French care about us.
  572. ashley on 10 things.
    February 9th, 2006  7:13 am

  573. #11 New Orleans and its reconstruction is all that matters, and if you as an individual don't make people aware of it and how important it is, then you're supporting the terrorists
  574. ashley on 10 things.
    February 10th, 2006  7:58 pm

  575. Danny, you're right about Nagin. I blew that one. At least, at the time, Nagin was showing he cared. He still does, he just has not the slightest bit of sense when it comes to political savvy. None. He'll be gone in April, when Mitch Landrieu will become the mayor. At this point, I don't think the idiot pols in LA are to blame as much as the idiots in DC. The no-bid-contract folks are the ones getting rich off of this. When FEMA pays $175 a square for blue roofs, and the sub-sub-sub contractor gets $2 a square, well, there's your rebuilding effort. The corruption is coming from DC, where I think the gubmint is simply waiting to bankrupt everyone so that their real estate cronies can come in and build a bunch of beige vinyl siding McMansions. People won't come back to their homes to rebuild for 2 reasons: 1) no levees, despite promises by W on 9/15 in New Orleans, and 2) no acceptance of the Baker bill, which would save many from bankruptcy. Why NOLA can't get the same deal that NYC got, I have no idea. My biggest point is that everyone has forgotten about us, and Nancy's silence, from an admitted New Orleans lover, has been deafening.
  576. ashley on NN.C commenter in NOLA.
    February 16th, 2006  10:32 am

  577. Clown supply store. Just did a google search for "clown shirt". Ironically, they suggest the same shirt for "mime", "clown", and "pirate". Make up your own jokes.
  578. ashley on Holidays.
    February 22nd, 2006  10:17 am

  579. Well, I went on down to the Audubon zoo, and they all axed for you. I refused to work Mardi Gras this year. I used to never work Mardi Gras, but this year I conned people into covering for me. This year, I have to be in New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Religious holiday and all.
  580. ashley on Not to bum you out, but...
    February 23rd, 2006  8:17 pm

  581. "We had to destroy the village in order to save it"
  582. ashley on Ah, well.
    March 14th, 2006  6:55 am

  583. "rocked the llama's ass" came from Wesley Willis, who I became familiar with while a DJ at a college radio station. Nance, afaik, only heard it from me, but I defer to Mr. Willis, who was the third in the bad things come in threes deal, along with Warren and Johnny Cash.
  584. ashley on You are NOT the father!
    March 29th, 2006  4:51 am

  585. Here's how the Lakota Sioux honor a fallen soldier: http://multimedia.rockymountainnews.com/slideshow/slideshow.cfm?type=DEFAULT&ID=012006lundstrom&NUM=1
  586. ashley on For those playing at home...
    April 15th, 2006  8:50 pm

  587. Lock in now, before Acadiana secedes and shuts off the pipeline.
  588. ashley on Dribs, drabs, daffodils.
    April 15th, 2006  8:57 pm

  589. There are bigger maps here.
  590. ashley on Ask the imam.
    April 18th, 2006  12:48 am

  591. What, you mean not everybody has until August 28 to submit their taxes? Oh right...that's what we get instead of levees that work.
  592. ashley on Remember the homeless?
    April 18th, 2006  12:51 am

  593. Funny, I didn't see mold crawling every wall in the Detroit squatter homesteads. Or maybe, it's just that mold is something I automatically look for nowadays.
  594. ashley on Ask the imam.
    April 18th, 2006  5:13 am

  595. Boulet. I like her a lot, but with this open primary stuff, the tiers are 1) Forman, Landrieu, Nagin; 2) everybody else you saw tonight; 3) the other 16 you didn't see tonight. I can't vote for Virginia Boulet, because of the risk of Nadering Mitch Landrieu.
  596. ashley on What about Vito?
    April 19th, 2006  5:16 am

  597. No, I don't think Vito will go for the Witness Relo; I think that he'll try to convince Tony that he can still be a good soldier, and a profitable one, even though he's gay. It's about the money more than anything.
  598. ashley on Plenty to spare.
    April 20th, 2006  11:15 pm

  599. I don't know why, but I want to photoshop a pic of John Holmes into one of those Purity Ball photos.
  600. ashley on My mother's table.
    May 8th, 2006  10:31 am

  601. Now I see how the "furniture guys" reference tied in. Yes, I had to buy a used copy of their book from amazon. I've got this thing, and I'd like to restore it to all of its kitschy glamour.
  602. ashley on Crash.
    May 10th, 2006  7:13 pm

  603. Am I old school or what? I have a Treo (horrible phone), but my ringtone is Fur Elise.
  604. ashley on Sorry, Charlie.
    May 2nd, 2006  1:37 am

  605. Insurance companies need to insure everyone or no one. Period. Anything else is discriminatory.
  606. ashley on So...shrill.
    May 3rd, 2006  10:48 pm

  607. When I die, you better second line...
  608. ashley on Pretty in pink.
    May 7th, 2006  6:46 pm

  609. Danny, you ought to check out the New Orleans ERs. Totally and completely filled (my neighbor, the nurse, says about 60%) with illegals who have fallen off of roofs and such. But hey, I'm not complaining. At least somebody somewhere is doing something.
  610. ashley on Shopping.
    May 7th, 2006  6:56 pm

  611. According to the WaPo story, Earl Woods wanted Tiger "to be a good person". Too bad he utterly and completely failed. Like how Tiger "took time off to be with his father", when he was actually racing cars and bungee jumping. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12461682/ http://news.inq7.net/breaking/index.php?index=6&story_id=73561 And how the piece of shit (sorry, NIKE shit) couldn't show up in New Orleans for the golf tournament there. http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/news/story?id=2421620 Remeber that Buick commercial where he was driving around the French Quarter? Well, he wasn't. All CGI. He's probably afraid of being around black people, probably never been to New Orleans. Why doesn't he just change his name to Nike, and cut the bullshit. He should have been in New Orleans as an ambassador of his sport. Well, he's an ambassador of greed, an ambassador of all that’s wrong with golf. Fuck off and die, Eldrick. Maybe they’ll bury you in a Nike-logo’d casket.
  612. ashley on So...shrill.
    May 7th, 2006  7:04 pm

  613. Danny, Second lining is what we in New Orleans do at what yankees call a "jazz funeral". We parade, we celebrate the life of the person. Brass bands, hearse, people with parasols. Evidently, Detroit is trying to do something similar now, and evidently, just like when Seattle or St. Louis or anybody else tries to do Mardi Gras, they screw it up and people get shot. There's a song by Kermit Ruffins, entitled "When I die, you better second line". I've told my wife that I've written in the will, if I don't get a funeral with music, complete with second line, she gets no money, rather, it all goes into a trust for the kids.
  614. ashley on Pretty in pink.
    May 8th, 2006  3:56 am

  615. Danny: exactly.
  616. ashley on My mother's table.
    May 8th, 2006  8:10 pm

  617. Thanks, y'all. This thing is called a Frankl Cloud table, and is made of...cork. I have a matching triangular side table. Used to have 2 matching side tables, a corner table, and 2 square side tables, but that's another story. The wife wanted to dump it, but I told her to see if she could find it on the web. Sho' nuff, it's worth from $1600 to $4k. Go figure. Me, cutting edge. Bwaaa haa ha ha.
  618. ashley on Next stop, divorce court!
    May 9th, 2006  1:42 am

  619. ...a bow for her stern. Oh man...
  620. ashley on Still afloat.
    May 9th, 2006  1:43 am

  621. I'm the same way. Although I consider flinging the comforter on top of the bed so as to cover everything an example of "making the bed".
  622. ashley on Still afloat.
    May 9th, 2006  7:43 pm

  623. Thief killed me. It was scheduled to just be a 6-week show, and then they'd come back next year with another short series. What did you not like about it, Dorothy? It was kind of cursed, as it was supposed to be filmed entirely in New Orleans, and they had to move everything to Shreveport. I do like the 6-week / 12-week seasons, and from what I see on HBO (and Thief, for that matter), it looks like the writers do, as well.
  624. ashley on Still afloat.
    May 9th, 2006  7:43 pm

  625. Thief killed me. It was scheduled to just be a 6-week show, and then they'd come back next year with another short series. What did you not like about it, Dorothy? It was kind of cursed, as it was supposed to be filmed entirely in New Orleans, and they had to move everything to Shreveport. I do like the 6-week / 12-week seasons, and from what I see on HBO (and Thief, for that matter), it looks like the writers do, as well.
  626. ashley on Still afloat.
    May 10th, 2006  4:59 am

  627. Sorry, Dorothy, but I can't do "Rescue Me". To me, Denis Leary will always be a pale ripoff of Bill Hicks.
  628. ashley on You're going home.
    May 11th, 2006  9:18 pm

  629. Priscilla is a Scientologist. That can explain mondo-bizarre behavior (see: Cruise, Tom). More on her surgery: http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/archives/000562.html
  630. ashley on Smash my modem.
    May 17th, 2006  9:52 pm

  631. Alex: I think they're referring to the guy's skull being pasted on. It's about 20% smaller than it should be. Connie/NN: I take it the THAT you're referring to is the Damien pic, not the Jesse Morrison pic. And shouldn't the Scorpions get their own hall of shame?
  632. ashley on Summer, nearly here.
    May 22nd, 2006  3:38 am

  633. WMDs? Sign me up!
  634. ashley on The coolest guys ever.
    May 27th, 2006  8:53 am

  635. In New Orleans, a trumpet is still a way out of poverty.
  636. ashley on The earlybird special.
    June 21st, 2006  9:18 pm

  637. The tourist areas are fine. Get in touch with me or somebody, and we'll take you on a disaster tour. Then you'll see why we're still upset. The national guard was called mainly because we don't have enough cops any more. A bunch left after K never to return, and we can't afford to hire new ones.
  638. ashley on Spitting in the salad.
    July 14th, 2006  3:01 am

  639. Another communist era joke: "We pretend to work, and they pretend to pay us".
  640. ashley on My appendage.
    July 19th, 2006  6:24 pm

  641. Hang on 'til August. My Tibook is on death's door, but I'm waiting until Mid-late August when the Merom processor comes out in the new MacBookPros. That will carry me for 4 more years. Right now, I use my 15" 1Ghz 1GB TiBook for everything, but the case is cracked, one of the hinges is broken (on the screen side, so I can't replace it) and the battery is toast. In Europe, I had to use my wife's 1.33Ghz 12" iBook, because it actually had a battery. The one I buy in August will be a top of the line, completely RAM loaded one. The only question is 15" or 17". And my 500GB LaCie drive (purchased during Hurricane relo) makes me sleep better at night. Especially with automated backup, and weekly .Mac document backups.
  642. ashley on Separated at birth.
    July 26th, 2006  6:34 pm

  643. What crap. The spectacles throw it off. I am, in order, Helena Bonham Carter, Ozzy Osbourne, John Lennon, Charlize Theron. Ohhhhhh Kaaaayyyyy
  644. ashley on Separated at birth.
    July 26th, 2006  8:47 pm

  645. Brian, the only thing we have in common, in their pictures, is that we're all wearing glasses. Now if I would have scored Judy Garland as well, then that would have been fabulous!
  646. ashley on Separated at birth.
    July 26th, 2006  10:15 pm

  647. With my faux Che pic, I scored JK Rowling, John Entwhistle, and Scott Joplin. Oy vey. At least, it is kind of a manly pic of JK.
  648. ashley on Today's usage lesson.
    August 2nd, 2006  6:09 pm

  649. Lately, in New Orleans, idiots are confusing "raising" houses and "razing" houses. A bit of a difference, that.
  650. ashley on Minding Ps, Qs.
    October 2nd, 2006  8:56 pm

  651. Just as wrong? Nance, what are you on? Pedophaelia is definitely worse than philandering. Plus, the hypocrisy of his station on the committees. Me, I blame Bush. It happened on his watch.
  652. ashley on The Wire, 4.4.
    October 2nd, 2006  9:09 pm

  653. Marlo has what, 2 or 3 enforcers? The whole alliance could eliminate him instantly, if so inclined. Why don't they? Hell, the junkies would like it, since Marlo has that weak-ass shit. I may be clueless, and often am, but I didn't catch the gay vibe between Michael and Cutty. Of course, one of the beauties of The Wire is that nobody is purely good, and nobody is purely bad. Up until now, Cutty has just about been the most "purely good" character. Sure, he tried to parlay the gift stash, but Marlo screwed him, and Cutty didn't take revenge. But, Cutty has been a saint up until now. I am afraid that, if you're correct, the sainthood may have been setting us up. Honestly, I don't see it, but it's just like the writing team to throw that screwball when you're expecting heat. (I was going to say backdoor curve, but...) So major crimes has Herc and Sydnor now? Hey...I thought it would be dissolved. At least there's some good po-leece to keep it going. A pending confrontation between Omar and Marlo? I like it. And my money won't be on Marlo. I wanna see that cold-ass pigeon-loving slinger to get whacked but good. Besides, he's not that good of a hold 'em player. I'm really looking forward to seeing more of the political strategy now that Carcetti is starting to make a move. I'm also looking forward to seeing D'Agostino in various stages of undress.
  654. ashley on Minding Ps, Qs.
    October 2nd, 2006  11:11 pm

  655. I only lust after teenagers if they've hit their 18th birthday. Absolutely. When watching movies of Scarlett Johannsen, I always check the date to make sure she was 18 when they were filmed. Same with Tracy Lords. None of this Carter-style "lust in my heart" crap. Honest. And I was thinking yesterday about the draft, and how the Republicans guaranteed during the 2004 elections that there would not be one. Foolish Dems: they were thinking that the WH would try to WIN a conflict, rather than simply prolong the fear of it, as a propaganda tool. Still, I think that Jon Stewart was right when telling Howard Dean: "Your are so not going to win back Congress". What's that old expression about a wet dream?
  656. ashley on Minding Ps, Qs.
    October 2nd, 2006  11:14 pm

  657. Oh, and Hastert knew about this for over a year, and did nothing. He's also the fuckmook that said New Orleans shouldn't be rebuilt. I so hope he gets put in a federal "pound me in the ass" prison for this.
  658. ashley on Red.
    October 21st, 2006  4:20 am

  659. My goal for this halloween and every one following is to finally create the perfect Ignatius Reilly costume.
  660. ashley on Red.
    October 21st, 2006  7:35 pm

  661. There is no proper geometry and theology with your argument, Danny, but alas, I must do it to avenge the horror of the last person cast to that role. Will Farrell. What were they thinking? Did they actually read the book?
  662. ashley on Mr. Happy Go Lucky.
    October 30th, 2006  10:04 am

  663. Did you note how both blogs you cited used the term "modicum". That makes me happy, for some unknown reason...
  664. ashley on Mr. Happy Go Lucky.
    October 31st, 2006  7:41 am

  665. Oh, The Times doesn't like it either.
  666. ashley on Vandals.
    November 1st, 2006  8:38 pm

  667. Growing up in the South, my buddy from Cleveland always laughed at our grey squirrels, saying they wouldn't last a day in Cleveland. After visiting his home, I saw why. These red squirrels are thugs.
  668. ashley on The Buckeye blowout.
    November 7th, 2006  12:24 am

  669. You forget, Ohio-based Diebold has the voting machines. I predict the GOP keeps everything, and Urosevich goes to jail; or the Dems win.
  670. ashley on E-Day.
    November 7th, 2006  8:32 pm

  671. “Small-market journalism is a study in self-debasement.�? Kinda sounds to me like grad school. Oh, and thanks for mentioning Herb Tarlek. By association, I will now have Bailey Quarters dancing in my head for the next 24 hours. Thanks a lot.
  672. ashley on Absolute power.
    November 8th, 2006  8:26 pm

  673. Well, Living in New Orleans, I had a different set of priorities than Americans did for this election. Here's a 3:11 video that explains what I was looking for out of this federal administration, and did not get. Katrina and the failure of the federally built and maintained levees were my litmus test. The GOP failed. And Joe, unfortunately for all of us, the days of the GOP being fiscally responsible are gone; and the days of the Dems being the party of social programs are gone. Perhaps the neocons will be expunged from the GOP due to this election, and we will once again see a true conservative party. Perhaps also, we'll see a plan from the Dems.
  674. ashley on Absolute power.
    November 9th, 2006  1:24 am

  675. Oh, and Hastert will not seek a leadership position in the minority party. It looks like a lot of Hastert could be bulldozed...unlike New Orleans.
  676. ashley on Closed for business.
    November 9th, 2006  8:02 pm

  677. Confession time. Maybe this is why I keep moving to the left as I get older, since I grew up as far right as it gets. I went, from 2nd through 9th grade, to Pensacola Christian School, now known as PC academy and PC College. We always said that PCS stood for "Prison Camp of the South", and we weren't far off. This place was and is, no doubt, a cult. I realized this when I thought I wanted to leave, but couldn't mentally divorce myself from the place...in 9th grade. Finally, the allure of playing football led me to leave, where I found out I wasn't evil (because I had things like wacky packages on my textbooks), but rather, somewhat normal and bright. They have an extensive set of rules. I remember that we had to sign a statement stating that we wouldn't listen to rock and roll, wouldn't have sex, wouldn't drink or smoke or use profanity, blah blah blah. Once, I got suspended for having my hair touching my collar. You could get suspended for holding hands with your girlfriend in public. Of course, at this time, I was going to White Witch concerts and stealing Ouzo out of the liquor cabinet. Then I tried to add water to the ouzo so it wouldn't look drained. D'oh! There's real Christianity, and then there's stuff like Pensacola Christian, the way, Jesus Camp, and so on. The fact that they're marketing it as Christianity makes it more dangerous than cults like $cientology.
  678. ashley on Closed for business.
    November 10th, 2006  12:10 am

  679. Yeah, Nance, this is the place that called Bob Jones University "too liberal". And ouzo mixes nicely with water, but imagine the look of horror on a 13 year old's face when he sees the clouding in the ouzo bottle!
  680. ashley on Absolute power.
    November 10th, 2006  12:44 am

  681. MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!
  682. ashley on Chili and a g-string.
    November 14th, 2006  7:26 pm

  683. A New Orleans whorehouse? Just curious, how would they dress in a Cleveland whorehouse? A Detroit whorehouse? An Akron whorehouse? BTW, Arthur Treacher is kicking ass in South Florida. Probably all the yankees that moved down there when they got too old to shovel snow.
  684. ashley on The green-eyed monster.
    December 1st, 2006  1:47 am

  685. Mmmmmmmmm...gator.
  686. ashley on Friday leftovers.
    December 9th, 2006  5:08 am

  687. Brian: "we’ll all do that business of speaking with one cadence at work, and another around ‘our people’ - as many southerners and black Americans do". Yepper. Evidently, that's me, as I'm "midland", however my yankee friends say that when I'm on the phone with my brethren, I regress.
  688. ashley on Can I go to the bridge?
    December 27th, 2006  9:57 am

  689. I saw him on the pier in Seattle with a busty blonde. Wait. I was with the busty blonde; JB had a harem.
  690. ashley on Soldiering on.
    January 4th, 2007  9:48 am

  691. One year in Miami we were camped out in the Orange Bowl parking lot for New Year's Eve. A bullet fell outta the sky and landed 6 inches from my mom, embedding itself into the log we were sitting on. And Meekat Manor is in! You so damned far ahead o the curve, girl! Crazy Wire fans are in, so we're both ahead of the curve. God only knows where this puts Laura. And yea for Amy Sedaris. Once people found out she didn't really look like Florrie Fisher, her stock went way up. If I were single, I'd do her...but you can't really go by me.
  692. ashley on Protected.
    January 15th, 2007  9:38 pm

  693. The advantage of the hockey helmet over the bike helmet is that it can take multiple shots. The bike helmet should be replaced after one good hit. This, from a guy that mountain biked in a hockey helmet...it was more economical.
  694. ashley on Plastic people.
    January 15th, 2007  9:41 pm

  695. Judging from the title, I thought this post was gonna be about a Czech rock band...
  696. ashley on When bloggers get lazy...
    January 13th, 2007  1:30 pm

  697. When they aren't lazy, they start revolutions.
  698. ashley on In pictures.
    January 11th, 2007  10:27 am

  699. The worst marching band experience of my life (other than marching behind the friggin clydesdales at the orange bowl parade) was having to play "Elvira" at FSU. We actually had 8' sheets of plywood we painted to resemble eyes. Oh goodness... The coolest was when we didn't work up a show at all in High School, and marched out in the shape of a fish and played scales.
  700. ashley on If...
    February 8th, 2007  8:25 pm

  701. and on top of that, the title of the post put that godforsaken Bread tune in my head. Thanks for that.
  702. ashley on Victoria's real secret.
    February 6th, 2007  8:37 pm

  703. It's supposed to hit 66 here today, 70 tomorrow. But then, we have no infrastructure...
  704. ashley on Priceless.
    February 11th, 2007  10:34 am

  705. Brian, I agree with your assessment of the speech. However, as a resident of New Orleans, I really don't feel like we're part of his America. Between the total omission of any mention of the Gulf Coast by POTUS during SOTU and Pelosi's failure to include the Gulf Coast in her "100 hours", we feel abandoned, and Barack doesn't seem to be doing too much about it. So, sorry if I don't share your excitement. I'm happy for you Americans.
  706. ashley on Priceless.
    February 12th, 2007  8:54 am

  707. I won't get mad I won't get mad I won't get mad... Joe, read this, for the latest on where the money has gone. The city is below sea level, as many ports are. BTW, this is the largest port system in the world in bulk tonnage. Would it not make sense to keep that? The casino, and there is only one in New Orleans, is guaranteed to make a certain profit, therefore should be open, especially since it was near the French Quarter. The French Quarter received the smallest impact from the federal flood and the hurricane. The federal government has, through the USACE, admitted responsibility for the failure of the levees, due to their incompetent design, building and maintenance. The federal government has not yet fulfilled on their promise to rebuild them to category 5 protection, and in fact, Mr. Bush has requested that some of that levee money be directed to other tasks. I am not aware of the "people that refuse to help themselves". Perhaps you could enlighten me. And thanks to the people that contributed, but until the federal government rebuilds their criminally constructed levees, I will reserve thanks to them.
  708. ashley on Priceless.
    February 12th, 2007  11:16 am

  709. Here's an article from Sunday's WaPo that eloquently describes what's going on here.
  710. ashley on Cool car.
    February 12th, 2007  7:49 pm

  711. So does humidity make any difference? I'm wif ya on the wind chill being bogus, but what if it's just a "dry" cold?
  712. ashley on Hole in sky.
    February 14th, 2007  12:43 am

  713. You get no snow, I get a tornado. Nothing happened to our house but my buddy a couple o blocks away lost a roof.
  714. ashley on Today's rundown.
    February 23rd, 2007  7:30 pm

  715. I had chili cheese dogs from Sonic on Saturday night. I didn't even get heartburn. Of course, I can even eat Lucky Dogs without heartburn, unless my pyloric valve sticks.
  716. ashley on Hey, I'm in the paper.
    March 5th, 2007  6:30 am

  717. Did you have exclamation points at the end of every sentence! It read that way to me... And you're a "cultural blogger". Hey, a new title!
  718. ashley on Quitcher mewlin'
    March 7th, 2007  10:44 am

  719. Will it go round in circles? Mary, you live in Los Feliz? I think that was it. I lived on, I believe 6th and Miramar for a while. I was catacorner from the SPNB Beaudry tower, behind the Pacific Stock Exchange. What a dump. Then, when between leases, I lived at the lovely Milner hotel. Before it was renovated. Weekly rates. Feh. Then I moved to lovely Alhambra, and finally Naples/Long Beach. Much more tolerable.
  720. ashley on Wait five minutes.
    March 21st, 2007  5:10 am

  721. Connie, I'm not that old.
  722. ashley on Speaking in tongues.
    March 21st, 2007  2:56 am

  723. Once again, thank you Nance, for Amores Perros, and that rockin' song, Si Senor.
  724. ashley on One of these days...
    March 6th, 2007  5:58 pm

  725. I heard wood chippers work well. Actually, my father told me that in the 60s, South Louisiana was a great dumping ground for bodies. Alligator filled swamps do seem to make bodies disappear rather easily. And I still say that Coulter is simply an uglier version of Vincent Schiavelli.
  726. ashley on Where I'm looking.
    March 20th, 2007  7:23 am

  727. Sorry, but I liked the pictures I got to take better. When I lived in Idaho, it got down to 20 every night, and 40 during the day. So we drove on ice constantly. Yecchhh.
  728. ashley on Bitter cold.
    April 5th, 2007  6:04 pm

  729. Welcome to New Orleans, the national petri dish of charter schools. Most of the public schools are now, post-federal-flood, charter schools. Does this mean that anyone can theoretically go to any school? Yes! Does it mean that some people can't go to the school 3 blocks away because the "quota is filled"? Yes! Ah, progress... And I doubt that many of the Detroit schools look like this...
  730. ashley on Selling papers.
    March 29th, 2007  4:35 am

  731. There's no way "Professor" will ever make it as a headline -- at least, not as a vic. As a perp, yes: PROFESSOR SLAYS GERMAN TOURISTS. So the best I can hope for is my role as family man: FATHER OF THREE BLUDGEONED TO DEATH.
  732. ashley on Seconds?
    March 28th, 2007  6:21 am

  733. BTW Nance, this should confirm the supremacy of...well...basically anywhere over Michigan. What is wrong with college students these days?
  734. ashley on Seconds?
    March 27th, 2007  4:23 pm

  735. What? No TrimSpa in her system?
  736. ashley on The fiercer sex.
    April 3rd, 2007  5:21 pm

  737. Pence has not visited New Orleans since Katrina and the federal flood. Fuckmook. Ohio State should try for hockey. UofF doesn't compete in that. Unfortunately, Michigan does.
  738. ashley on Our colorful language.
    April 3rd, 2007  5:30 pm

  739. Brown for marijuana? No way. Brown is heroin, period. Downtown brown. Didn't anybody see "Bad Lieutenant"? And one of my faves is "alligator pear" for an avocado. Here's more.
  740. ashley on Scribble, scribble.
    March 10th, 2007  8:13 am

  741. My suggestion: switch to Big Chief (TM) writing tablets, the best for describing your world view. They have the proper geometry and theology for the true writer.
  742. ashley on Daisy is in the house garage.
    March 26th, 2007  10:16 pm

  743. Ok, but you'll still have to get the socket wrench (or at least allen wrench) out to change the height of the stoker handlebars, which are (typically) mounted on the captain's seatpost. And you're assuming people steal things for reasons other than the sake of stealing them.
  744. ashley on Daisy is in the house garage.
    March 26th, 2007  9:23 pm

  745. Nance, why do you want QR clamps? It always seemed to me that just made it easier for thieves. Or are you going to thread the lock through the seats, frame, and wheels?
  746. ashley on Daisy, Daisy...
    March 26th, 2007  9:18 pm

  747. I recall the reply of McNulty, when asked for Jameson's but being offered Bushmill's: "That's Protestant whiskey".
  748. ashley on Thanks be to Zorn.
    March 17th, 2007  2:25 am

  749. Only a D? Go all out...and on the trampoline.
  750. ashley on Thanks be to Zorn.
    March 17th, 2007  1:50 am

  751. Best of luck, Laura. From my motorcycle accident, my right knee has a completely torn PCL, a partially torn ACL, and a LCL that is stretched so much it isn't doing anything. The MCL is perfect, by the way. The PCL tear is amazing to the docs, as they usually occur only after the ACL is torn. So everytime I see an Ortho, they call the interns in, and demonstrate the "shelving" of the lower leg. It doesn't hurt, but it looks really bizarre when my leg is moving about 2" when it shouldn't be. I still just put on a knee brace and take about 12 ibuprofen and try to play soccer. The funny part is there aren't many visible scars, as all the surgeries were arthroscopic. The 7 surgeries on the other leg were not, so it has all the cool scars. Chix dig scars. And did someone mention sports bras?
  752. ashley on Daisy, Daisy...
    March 24th, 2007  7:20 am

  753. Tell Laura that in 32nd place on the NYT bestseller list, hot on her heels, is a biography of Ron Jeremy. Now, I don't know about you, but I wouldn't really like the idea of Ron Jeremy coming up behind me.
  754. ashley on A note on readership.
    April 10th, 2007  6:41 am

  755. Speaking of Easter, you can all come by and whip my wife today. Nancy knows what I mean.
  756. ashley on I love YouTube.
    April 11th, 2007  6:04 am

  757. I like it.
  758. ashley on High-def guilt.
    April 11th, 2007  6:11 am

  759. Brian: you have to have the big screen at home, since most of the F1 races start at bumfuck:thirty in the morning. We have a "tasteful" 37" LCD flat screen, because there's no room for anything on the floor. We could buy an "entertainment center" thing to take up floor space, but with 1450 sf and 3 kids, this is the safest way. And I liked this year's Sopranos premier much better than last year's. Besides, somebody got whacked, what's not to like. And a French Canadien at that.
  760. ashley on A note on readership.
    April 11th, 2007  6:58 am

  761. Czech, but Slavic is Slavic. She makes it a point to keep up all the traditions, including the whipping and water pouring and such.
  762. ashley on A note on readership.
    April 11th, 2007  6:59 pm

  763. Drop in anytime for some whippin', Marcia.
  764. ashley on A note on readership.
    April 12th, 2007  5:13 am

  765. My wife tells me I have no comment.
  766. ashley on Um, no.
    April 13th, 2007  7:11 am

  767. I thought he was great in "Back to School" with Rodney Dangerfield. Not as good as Sam Kinison, but great nonetheless.
  768. ashley on The very expensive trash can.
    April 13th, 2007  5:31 pm

  769. Come on...take Kate inside and let her know what kinda person mom *really* is. And now I'm reading on cnn.com how "nappy headed" is "the other n word". Jeebus. First the powers that be take my Richard Pryor albums, now I'm supposed to dump "Songs in the key of life"????
  770. ashley on Iggy.
    April 16th, 2007  5:17 pm

  771. Don't forget, Iggy also has the world's funniest concert rider. And Carlos Mencia is a putz.
  772. ashley on Rude, thoughtless, c'est moi.
    April 21st, 2007  7:55 pm

  773. "I can't see, fuckmook, I have no eyes". My favorite Johnny Depp line, ever.
  774. ashley on Alas.
    April 23rd, 2007  8:10 am

  775. Boy, was that Jane article a disappointment. Gimme your iChat handle, babe. Promise I won't ask for nudity.
  776. ashley on Alas.
    April 23rd, 2007  6:21 pm

  777. You shouldn't need a G4, just an external chassis to put your drive in. THat's what I did. Firewire, baby!
  778. ashley on F.O.M., R.I.P.
    April 24th, 2007  7:09 pm

  779. I think Andre made the right move with Steffi over Brooke, no doubt. You know the Teutonic bride pounds down the pivo as well. I do not think Sheryl Crow is kidding. I also think that she's evil at the core. So does Cintra Wilson. And you're right...Mitch has become like the "grizzled veteran" who is given a features colum just to shut them up. A Monday? Sacre bleu. Ah...Pacino's range is immeasurable.
  780. ashley on F.O.M., R.I.P.
    April 24th, 2007  10:07 pm

  781. Danny: not recently, except for a bit on her blog, http://cintrawilson.com Here's some stuff written about Cintra "barking at" Crow at Kevin Gilbert's funeral.
  782. ashley on F.O.M., R.I.P.
    April 25th, 2007  1:43 am

  783. Hoo hah...celebrities abound at Nance's lair! Kevin's site has been redesigned, and I can't find diddley. I did like seeing him in LA at tiny little gigs; it made me feel like here in New Orleans, where I see the best musicians in the world in a club that seats 80. Anyway, here's an MP3 of "Suit Fugue". And if you're thinking of getting into the music business as a musician, and Steve Albini can't sway you, then maybe "The Shaming of the True" will.
  784. ashley on No man is a hero to his valet.
    May 9th, 2007  5:52 am

  785. And for me...it was my Zevon page that introduced me to Ms. Nall-Derringer. Thanks, Warren.
  786. ashley on Drive.
    April 26th, 2007  7:26 am

  787. FWIW, I'd give a testicle for a Daytona.
  788. ashley on Drive.
    April 26th, 2007  7:28 am

  789. Oh, and I cancelled my newspaper scrip yesterday. What was a dumpy local paper turned into a beautiful bastion of journalism post federal flood reverted to being a rag. Feh.
  790. ashley on F.O.M., R.I.P.
    April 26th, 2007  7:42 am

  791. Yepper. But to me, the whole album, from beginning to end, including the tragically omitted "Miss Broadway", make for an even broader, more tragic epithet. Er....epitaph.
  792. ashley on A bleat.
    May 8th, 2007  4:33 am

  793. "why so bitter?" The mantra of those who flunked out of the comprehension class at Evelyn Wood.
  794. ashley on Let us give thanks.
    May 12th, 2007  2:48 am

  795. I can't believe nobody listed my favorite televangelist: Dr. euGene Scott. It was like watching a very low speed car crash over and over and over. Of course, then he'd get pissed that nobody was calling in, and he'd say "Get on the phone", and they'd play "New York state of mind" and show pretty pictures and give the phone number.
  796. ashley on Taillight blues.
    May 17th, 2007  1:04 am

  797. Ditto. My mom was a Corvair fanatic...'til they got too old, dad made her switch to Caddies.
  798. ashley on Taillight blues.
    May 16th, 2007  11:28 pm

  799. My friend Michael has a rather amusing piece where he puts Falwell in the middle of a Chick tract.
  800. ashley on Taillight blues.
    May 16th, 2007  8:41 pm

  801. The guy in Cali that ran me over on my motorcycle and left me for dead, then tried to drive off with the bike wedged under the front of the car, then took off on foot was the same deal. Stolen car. Feh.
  802. ashley on Cn u rd ths?
    May 16th, 2007  8:36 pm

  803. Danny, I've been doing some horrid prognosticating on the Cup. I'm picking the Wings to get it all, simply because of the guy between the pipes. Hasek is the second best goalie ever, behind only Tretiak. Before anyone brings out Roy, let me remind you of his last playoff game against Hasek. Roy lost 7-0. If the Wings make it to the finals, they'll either play the team Hasek played for last year that didn't want him back (Ottawa), or the team where he led them to the brink of the cup and won 6 Vezinas (Buffalo). Either way, big story. With Buffalo's play lately, don't count on the Sabres making it.
  804. ashley on Sekhu, the Remains.
    April 30th, 2007  7:19 pm

  805. Check out Edie Falco in "sunshine state", a nice little film. Marcia, you don't watch the Sopranos, but you do watch American Idol? Girl... "...Don Henley of the Eagles, who did not attend". Henley is such a fuckmook. Ask Don Felder. To tie a couple of posts together, I ran into Sheryl Crow when I was at the very first MTV unplugged, back in 1990 or so. She was one of Don Henley's 3 backup singers. I noticed that Don had the same backup band (save the singers) that I saw backing up Warren Zevon at a concert in lovely San Juan Capistrano a few days earlier. After the show, I asked Don "Hey, does Warren know you stole his band?" He got all uppity and rasped: "Hey man, they're my band. Warren stole 'em from me". Whatever, Don. Why don't you just buy Walden woods, rename it Henley woods, and shut the fuck up already. Finally, when you talked about a "coveted" award, I thought you were going to mention the coveted "Silver Sow". More music, and Les Nessman.
  806. ashley on Sourcing the tap.
    June 7th, 2007  2:38 am

  807. The father of my ex-girlfriend from Orange did the plumbing for the Crystal Cathedral. He said it was a nightmare of a job, but looks good on the resume. And Gene Scott's wife is a former porn starlet. Amen.
  808. ashley on Got a match?
    June 1st, 2007  3:01 am

  809. Mein Gott...she's friggin' Wini Cooper.
  810. ashley on See, a Prius couldn't do that.
    June 13th, 2007  6:04 pm

  811. Nissan? I thought it was a hummer. Oh well...that's just another hummer AJ's not going to get.
  812. ashley on One question for the class.
    July 2nd, 2007  11:52 pm

  813. What happened to funk with horns? Come down to NOLA. Papa Grows Funk and Coolbone for 2; of course, Rebirth Brass Band, THe Hot 8, and Newbirth for others.
  814. ashley on Famous last words.
    July 3rd, 2007  9:17 pm

  815. I'm just glad it wasn't a Southerner involved.
  816. ashley on Plastics.
    July 3rd, 2007  9:35 pm

  817. If you go to an orthopedic surgeon, it *does* look like a mechanic's garage. Same tools, just a bit cleaner -- depends on your doctor, I guess. And I still say that a physical therapist and a dominatrix have the same skill set, just a different wardrobe. With any luck, hopefully the Libby connection will mean Fred Thompson is looking for an acting gig in 16 months or so.
  818. ashley on Famous last words.
    July 3rd, 2007  9:37 pm

  819. "Odds are it was a Southerner". Bigot.
  820. ashley on Follow that hybrid -- if you can.
    July 7th, 2007  3:45 am

  821. It can, it just takes 2 minutes to get there.
  822. ashley on Room for one more?
    July 7th, 2007  3:44 am

  823. My technique with the frozen white castles was to quickly run them under some running water, and cover with a paper towel. That almost got the right consistency of the bun. But Ricardo, you don't get to complain about any fast food at all. Ever. It's not fair. You have In-N-Out.
  824. ashley on Room for one more?
    July 6th, 2007  4:36 pm

  825. There's a great "King of the Hill" episode about "competitive eating". I bet they have groupies. Attractive, but mentally unstable groupies. One of the lines was "it's not Roman rules, so whatever you do, don't vomit". I guess Kobayashi would have been DQ'd in the Arlen eat-off. "...how wide you can open your jaw, how much you can relax your throat muscles, how much you can suppress your gag reflex." Uh, Nance, there's...oh, nevermind. Don't forget, Heinz makes mustard and relish, too. “You know how your dick makes you do stupid things? It’s like that.” A friend once told me, and yes, I was living in New Orleans at the time: "Your dick takes you places I wouldn't go with a gun". Da wife walked out on "Man Bites Dog". I haven't walked out on anything; I guess I'm just too damned cheap. "The new French president prefers to maintain it with exercise." That's because he has to. He's not French, he's Hungarian. Harry, don't forget Linda Lovelace (see previous comment about 'suppressing gag reflex').
  826. ashley on Room for one more?
    July 7th, 2007  5:23 pm

  827. Ok...lemme just throw this out there. Mayonnaise?
  828. ashley on Follow that hybrid -- if you can.
    July 7th, 2007  5:24 pm

  829. Yeah, but I lost my license -- now I don't drive.
  830. ashley on Follow that hybrid -- if you can.
    July 7th, 2007  7:32 pm

  831. Lucky I'm sane after all I been through.
  832. ashley on He taps that.
    July 10th, 2007  2:27 am

  833. Well, at least now I don't get Fred Thompson mixed up with Joe Don Baker anymore.
  834. ashley on "Beaverton, cut to the chase"
    July 14th, 2007  1:15 am

  835. I have officially given up on "John from Cincinnati".
  836. ashley on "Beaverton, cut to the chase"
    July 14th, 2007  3:48 pm

  837. I've heard good things about "Rescue Me", but I can't bear to watch anything with Dennis Leary. And I'm also wif ya on the "commit to another show" thingy, especially since I'm going to have to watch K-Ville in the fall.
  838. ashley on How insensitive.
    August 4th, 2007  7:00 am

  839. Hey Nance, way to include a ton of public works projects, but omit the one that killed over 4000. Levees. It's going to take shit like this happening to people who live in Amerika, as opposed to those of us who "should have known better than to live there" for you all to realize that infrastructure matters. Oh, and we're the UNITED states, last time I looked. To quote the cover story in Time this week: "The most important thing to remember about the drowning of New Orleans is that it wasn't a natural disaster. It was a man-made disaster, created by lousy engineering, misplaced priorities and pork-barrel politics." Wow. 5 whole people dead. Call me when 800 more bridges collapse, then I'll give a flying fuck. Our fate is your fate, and we're fucked.
  840. ashley on Web 2.?
    July 27th, 2007  12:43 am

  841. Text messaging was the only way to get through to New Orleans cell phones post-K. Now, I do it all the time. Danny, you shouldda called Cynthia.
  842. ashley on We're back.
    July 26th, 2007  3:21 am

  843. Bob Roll and Tinker Juarez! Woooo Hoooo! As for my shoes, well, with plates, screws, and bolts in an ankle, and a tibial rod, I can only wear high-tops. So I've got that gangster-chic going for me 24x7.
  844. ashley on The man's an artist.
    August 12th, 2007  4:06 am

  845. I found some interviews with Bunk, Lester, and McNulty.
  846. ashley on This is the end.
    September 1st, 2007  10:21 pm

  847. Oh, Nance, if you get the chance, ask Eric Zorn 'bout that maize and blue thing.
  848. ashley on Bad browser.
    August 24th, 2007  7:32 am

  849. I got it Basset, but I faced away from the computer while composing my response to show my disdain for the audience.
  850. ashley on The choices on the table.
    September 9th, 2007  6:41 pm

  851. Tom Tancredo is a fuckmook. Oh, and I think I saw Mitt Romney wearing a Michael Vick jersey. And Ricardo, the difference between Joe Don and Fred is Fred's wife. Boy was it confusing watching Cape Fear.
  852. ashley on The Nalls.
    September 9th, 2007  6:27 pm

  853. Well, there's this.
  854. ashley on Sickies.
    September 9th, 2007  6:25 pm

  855. $40k a year? Damn. What's the street value? Traditional plans are going the way of the dodo. I like HMOs when they're done well. Problem is, they're never done well. I used to work for an excellent HMO (LAMary -- it was Pacificare), which simply contracted with providers and employers. From what I've seen, the problem with HMOs comes when they're both the provider and the plan administrators. I am forced to use a PPO because my employer is in Chicago, and I live in New Orleans. Most HMOs have geographical restrictions. When I had the motorcycle wreck in Cali, my insurance had run out the week before. This, while being an independent contractor working at an HMO. Fortunately, since the guy left the scene, the "Victim of Violent Crimes fund" paid for all of the initial bills. At that point, I did some research on which employers had Pacificare, and got a job with one of them. Pacificare covered pre-existing conditions, so I worked there 7 weeks, had a surgery and 7 weeks off, and then put in my 2 week notice and COBRAed. Thank God my COBRA didn't run out until I got more real insurance. This is pathetic. The only people in the US that get US subsidized health care are the military and prisoners. Oh, to get prisoner-level healthcare.
  856. ashley on What the--?
    September 18th, 2007  9:08 pm

  857. Thanks, Nance. My suspicion has always been that the goal is to price out the middle class, and turn the place into disneyland. This is a good start. Also, you're correct, there was no claim for the flood, and this house was not flooded. Some details on the policy: Dwelling: $213k Garage: $42k Personal property: $150k Liability: $500k Of course, there is also an additional hurricane/peril deductible on the policy. And this doesn't include my flood insurance.
  858. ashley on When life hands you heroin...
    October 28th, 2007  5:38 pm

  859. Thanks, all, for your thoughts.
  860. ashley on Muscles.
    October 2nd, 2007  9:34 pm

  861. When I saw the Brasilian Volleyballista, I immediately began singing "ole, ole ole..." Mrs. Zane looks like Adrienne Barbeau without the things that are the only reason one would look at Adrienne Barbeau.
  862. ashley on Muscles.
    October 3rd, 2007  7:58 am

  863. And if that was before the steroids, his huevos wouldda shrunk by now.
  864. ashley on HBOver.
    October 4th, 2007  3:07 am

  865. A friend of mine has a fantasy: Paula Deen in a hot tub filled with clarified butter. Now if they would just 'adjust' Giada's wardrobe...
  866. ashley on The disappearing necktie.
    October 10th, 2007  8:26 pm

  867. Deep fried turducken. Them's good eatin'.
  868. ashley on The disappearing necktie.
    October 10th, 2007  7:39 pm

  869. Inquiring minds want to know: was the dildo causasoid, negroid, or some festive color?
  870. ashley on The disappearing necktie.
    October 10th, 2007  8:31 am

  871. Mr Craig may be a bit tired. Haggard, in fact. There's even a pic of the super tuber here. Oh, and the fundys think that Mr Alabama was in fact murdered. Who else would have put that condomed dildo up his pooper?
  872. ashley on Neidermeyer lives.
    October 8th, 2007  9:39 pm

  873. I thought they just really liked the Doobie Brothers.
  874. ashley on Neidermeyer lives.
    October 8th, 2007  8:22 pm

  875. Unfortunately, I can also hear him saying "We now consecrate the bond of obedience".
  876. ashley on The last season.
    October 15th, 2007  9:44 pm

  877. Brian: '“really authentic” = “created by David”?? Sounds like the rooster taking credit for the sunrise'. All I can say is: read "The Corner", and you'll see exactly what Lehane is talking about. Simon and Burns spent the better part of every day for an entire year on a Baltimore open-air drug market, doing research for "The Corner". It's authentic, yo. Jeff: So it used to be that 50% of the kids dropped out to take blue collar jobs. Now, the schools are training them to do the blue collar jobs. Hell, the colleges are, too. Now, everybody is getting 'an education', but nobody is learning how to think.
  878. ashley on The last season.
    October 15th, 2007  9:49 pm

  879. Oh, and yes, Mr Simon, I am available as a technical consultant, if you need some white boy's vision of New Orleans authenticity.
  880. ashley on The last season.
    October 15th, 2007  10:03 pm

  881. OK, not 'nobody'. When I was teaching at U of Idaho, we were 'strongly encouraged' by HP, the leading employer of our grads, to teach a certain programming language, which was used by HP. Forget the fact that another language would have helped them better understand how to think algorithmically, this was all about filling slots. I interviewed at the U of Nevada Reno, and they used a particular proprietary programming environment. Why? Because that was what was used in slot machines, which a donor so benevolently provided. What I wouldn't give for an entire class who was schooled in critical thinking.
  882. ashley on A Tuesday diversion.
    November 13th, 2007  11:23 pm

  883. iPhone: my my, hey hey: neil young just what I needed: the cars tipitina: professor longhair I like it like that: Chris Kenner Sam Hall: Johnny Cash Jenny Says: Cowboy Mouth Angel from Montgomery: Bonnie Raitt and John Prine Word up: Cameo Slave to my dick: subhumans here it goes again: OK Go And the Laura list: Boom boom boom: Iguanas Hurt: Johnny Cash Fire and Gasoline: Iguanas Summertime: BIllie holliday and Louis Armstrong Hasta siempre commandante Che Guevara: Carlos Puebla Wichita Lineman: Johnny Cash Rednecks: Randy Newman Fire on the Bayou: the Meters Blood makes noise: Suzanne Vega Miss Broadway: Kevin Gilbert Mercy Seat: Johnny Cash And the full blown random list: doubleback: ZZ top reconsider me: warren zevon the cross: 5 blind boys of alabama jambalaya: jo-el sonnier meet me at no special place: mose allison miles from nowhere: the smithereens southern nights: allen toussaint baby, I'm drunk: reverend horton heat life'll kill ya: warren zevon when you wish upon a star: louis armstrong
  884. ashley on The tyranny of choice.
    November 13th, 2007  9:43 pm

  885. Nance, the GL2 is certainly a tad big. Perhaps you could get the "Bob Crane" model, with tripod and remote. I had looked at the Panasonic as well. At the time I was searching (before one of the kids was born), I found the prosumer predecessor to this model and thought "well, this is it". Tiny 3CCD cam, Leica optics. So I was torn between the GL2 and the Panasonic. What did I do? I decided I'm not Bob Crane, so I got a $550 model Canon, and saved a grand and a half. If you can find one of those Panasonics with Leica optics and a 3ccd, just grab the sucker -- I doubt you'll regret it, especially at a $899 price point.
  886. ashley on The tyranny of choice.
    November 13th, 2007  6:17 pm

  887. I'd almost go real cheap and go for a flip, for $160. Without a doubt, easiest way to put stuff up on da web. But you want to go top o the line prosumer, then no doubt, just go for a Canon GL2. It should have every single feature you want, and you can probably freelance video for your local TV stations as well. Just don't bitch about it being too big. Oh, but you wanted HD. Fine. Canon XH A1.
  888. ashley on Told you so.
    November 12th, 2007  9:13 pm

  889. So long, Norman.
  890. ashley on Win the costume contest.
    October 20th, 2007  8:16 pm

  891. My ultimate costume is Ignatius J. Reilly, but in Chicago, nobody had a clue who I was. "A pirate hot dog vendor? I don't get it". Complete lack of proper theology or geometry in that city.
  892. ashley on Ouch.
    November 11th, 2007  12:19 am

  893. For my vasectomy, I had to shave the old coin purse. Waxing never entered my thought process, despite my fondness for Brazil. The doctor warned me that if I didn't do it, the nurse would do it, and there was no guarantee that she would be either a) nice about it or b) female. Yeah. So I did it myself. And as far as stubble goes, yeah, it sucks. I've heard that a clean shave does facilitate teabagging, though. (apologies to the visual thinkers out there)
  894. ashley on Sawdust.
    November 5th, 2007  11:22 pm

  895. Brian, I disagree with your opine that Cole Porter would have gotten the hell out of New Orleans ASAP. He could have definitely made a living as a composer in New Orleans at the time. Not quite the same with Martha's Vineyard, Seattle, or Peru Indiana.
  896. ashley on Evil 24, Good 20.
    November 5th, 2007  8:43 pm

  897. BTW, Drew Brees, the best QB not playing in that particular game, had 346 yards passing. IN THE FIRST HALF. If you want to see the "saintly" Peyton Manning, come see what he's done for NOLA since the federal flood. As for Eli, well, he'd rather be playing squash. So, for y'all, I will raise a glass of NattyBo and toast Johnny U. Did the community of Bawlmer feel any shame when they (or more correctly, the evil and vile Art Modell) did the same thing to Cleveland that Indy did to them? Just an honest, curious question, from a guy whose owner has threatened to move to both LA and San Antonio in the past 5 years. When I was a kid, I didn't write to QBs, I wrote to linemen. Deacon Jones wrote me back, sent me a signed photo, and told me that QBs were the enemy. Seriously.
  898. ashley on Evil 24, Good 20.
    November 5th, 2007  9:07 am

  899. Rooting for the Patriots is like rooting for the Lions. Against the Christians. Geaux Saints.
  900. ashley on Omar don't scare.
    November 1st, 2007  3:30 am

  901. Beautiful. Only thing better would be a Brother Mouzone pumpkin on the other side of the steps to match.
  902. ashley on The Halloween parade.
    November 1st, 2007  12:43 am

  903. Hey, back off. You got any idea how hard it is to find virgins down here???
  904. ashley on Kilroy was here.
    January 1st, 2008  9:14 pm

  905. Tom Brokaw was right.
  906. ashley on Evil 24, Good 20.
    November 6th, 2007  4:06 am

  907. What about the Baltimore CFL team! Weren't they called the Colts, then the "Baltimore professional football team", then the Stallions. I remember the Homicide episode where the 'detectives' were honored on the field, and Ned Beatty's character kept complaining that it just wasn't the same thing.
  908. ashley on Wire-y linkage.
    January 14th, 2008  10:40 pm

  909. Not word one about statuesque redheads. And no, Mo Dowd ain't statuesque.
  910. ashley on The un-election.
    January 14th, 2008  5:24 am

  911. I thought it was Mitthew, which is just odd.
  912. ashley on The un-election.
    January 14th, 2008  2:18 am

  913. Coulter? Yecchhh. Vincent Schiavelli in a wig. I like Dowd, I really do, but there's a reason that an attractive, intelligent, well spoken redhead doesn't have a TV show.
  914. ashley on Nothing to see here.
    December 21st, 2007  1:20 am

  915. My wife called to make sure I wasn't there. I wasn't. What a pathetic display by everybody. What gets me most is that many of the "public housing advocates" are white students that came in to "be a part of something".
  916. ashley on Nothing to see here.
    December 20th, 2007  8:27 pm

  917. Oh man...and it was a bus full of special needs kids. There's the cherry on top. Alex, don't read it. Just don't. Thanks brian, Danny, and Sue. Da Wife took the pic, she gets the cred. The mime pic was from the first Mardi Gras parade in NOLA after Katrina. Our theme was "Buy us back, Chirac", and we dressed in annoying French garb. Me, I was the mime that actually was stuck in a plexiglas box. Believe it or don't, that pic was on the BBC, CNN, and NBC. Harry Shearer called me his favorite mime, ever. I say it was my intense hatred of mimes that powered me through. Children have happy names: Kateřina Nicole, Annabel Lee, and well...Rey d'Orleans. If he complains, I'll tell him he could have been Ashley Jr.
  918. ashley on What's cookin'?
    December 19th, 2007  7:33 pm

  919. I agree with Lance. What other allegedly respectable profession requires one to be nude as part of the job? That, and the Spears girls are just plain trailer trash skank, even for Kentwood.
  920. ashley on Type A, positive.
    November 26th, 2007  8:30 pm

  921. Happy 50 Nance. You're still a "1" on the Ashley Morris Binary Hotness Scale (TM). I think you should celebrate by a) getting a tattoo and b) getting a cheap drunk. That's the other benefit of giving blood.
  922. ashley on A note about Ashley.
    December 19th, 2007  2:15 am

  923. Is it just English? In Slavic languages, you have obvious masculine and feminine names: Petr/Petra, Pavel/Pavlina, Roman/Romana. Maybe it's just some English speaker's fetish to either feminize masculine names or create new names. I did know a Cliteesha and a Latrina, and yes, both were female.
  924. ashley on A note about Ashley.
    December 19th, 2007  12:32 am

  925. You think, maybe if I posted nude pix of myself, that people wouldn't get confused as frequently? I mean, what with my porn cred and all.
  926. ashley on A note about Ashley.
    December 18th, 2007  11:01 pm

  927. BTW, in case you can't tell, the rollergirl wife was 8.99 months pregnant in that picture. I think she delivered 3 days later. Oh, and da wife is 6 feet 2.
  928. ashley on Soup for one.
    December 18th, 2007  8:52 pm

  929. Chicory coffee is nectar of the gods. And if you're an Earl Grey fan, might I recommend Rishi brand, if you can't get Hediard.
  930. ashley on Homo-something.
    December 18th, 2007  8:56 pm

  931. Check out this obituary about an attorney that evidently worked at a similar firm. Some choice bits: "His death should be a warning to all those who believe that they are being used by insensitive employers. He deserved better, both in life and death. Bruce had been seduced into a sedentary and high stress life style after he moved to New Orleans by the promise of "big money" from a corporate defense law firm."
  932. ashley on The last word in 2007.
    December 29th, 2007  2:51 am

  933. Deepest condolences and sympathies.
  934. ashley on The crashers.
    January 6th, 2008  3:23 am

  935. 85% of them support Huckabee, I would venture. Maybe Mitthew. There's free speech, but not there, not then. When the revolution comes, I want these guys lined up on their knees, and I'll play the part of Che. And the fact that they pretend to be Christians is deplorable.
  936. ashley on The un-election.
    January 11th, 2008  8:44 pm

  937. Danny, I occasionally enjoy Dowd's writing, and everybody knows my weakness for redheads, but are you serious about the television work? Have you seen her on Bill Maher's show? She's, well, less than telegenic, especially when she starts talking.
  938. ashley on The un-election.
    January 11th, 2008  8:39 pm

  939. Ebert is so right on. He talks about trying to convince the doc that you really are screaming because the pain is authentic, when, on the other hand, you have the 'mook Glenn Beck getting Fentanyl and a morphine drip for getting his head excised from his ass. And Beck is the one complaining about how horrid healthcare is. When I had my leg split open and my tibia chisled into pieces, a hole bored down the center of what was left, and a titanium rod inserted in there with 3 bolts, well, all I could do was beg for pain pills and I get lectured about how having a tylenol 3 could make me a junky. I just really want to be alone in a room with Beck for 3 minutes. Oh, and Morgan Freeman even does background narration in the movie. Except for the wardrobe, he *is* Red from Shawshank. I like that the chick from Poulsbo got 2 bottles of Thunderbird. I would have hit him on the head for that, too. At least Cisco, bitch. Damn.
  940. ashley on Open thread.
    January 10th, 2008  10:28 pm

  941. These quizzes that try to map your views to a candidate's views almost always omit questions about the rebuilding of New Orleans, the Gulf Coast, the failure of the federally built levees, and so on. That's my hot button issue, and the only person really making a point to address that issue is Edwards. HRC will talk a good game when she's in New Orleans, and not say word one about it when she's not here. So IMHO, the quiz is flawed to the point of being useless.
  942. ashley on Open thread.
    January 10th, 2008  10:07 pm

  943. Can we all get along?
  944. ashley on Open thread.
    January 10th, 2008  8:42 pm

  945. Remember the glory days of CNN? Around Bush War I, with Peter Arnett and Bernie Shaw were competent, reliable news sources? And we had eye candy like Lynne Russell. Gone. When Bernie left and they started basing the talking head lineup more on prettyness than competence, they went down the toilet. And I really hate to tell them, but the most respected name in news is probably the BBC.
  946. ashley on Hard times, delivered.
    November 18th, 2007  5:42 pm

  947. "paid advertising supplement"? How much do you think that this multi-section nightmare cost? Hmmm...you think I should invest in Detroit real estate? Try to begin teh gentrification process block by block? Or should I create a "New Jack City" type compound?
  948. ashley on Open thread.
    January 10th, 2008  8:01 pm

  949. A buddy of mine took a job at Wayne State after he got his PhD. He got shanked in the parking lot his 2nd year there. NOLA may be the murder capital, but I gots to give you props -- y'all kick ass on non-lethal crime.
  950. ashley on On the first day of Kwanzaa...
    December 27th, 2007  6:41 pm

  951. I like the second day better: koochie with Caligula, or something like that.
  952. ashley on In the lane, snow is glist'nin'...
    December 17th, 2007  6:02 am

  953. I remember a Drew Carey routine where he talked about taking an aerosol can outside and just spraying into the atmosphere. "Global warming my ass -- I'm cold *now*". Of course, I used to think that people with snowblowers were wimps. Goobers who weren't ballsy enough to shovel it. Then, I lived in Chicago. Carry on, Alan.
  954. ashley on Give Iowa a try.
    January 4th, 2008  6:21 pm

  955. Oh, and that Simon fellow made a comment at teh New Package Wire blog.
  956. ashley on What I'm thankful for.
    November 22nd, 2007  2:41 am

  957. Thought y'all might enjoy how this smartass with an iphone gets shut down, by an airline captain: http://www.planebuzz.com/2007/11/we_knew_this_was_going_to_happ.html
  958. ashley on It's a tough town.
    November 19th, 2007  9:17 pm

  959. Hey, Nance, you can buy this t-shirt! I saw ididocracy on saturday night as well, and well, it was better than I thought it would be. Helps to have low aspirations. Here are some more pix I googled up years ago about the Packard plant. I got the same Junior-high rating on my blog, FWIW.
  960. ashley on Our communities, ourselves.
    January 2nd, 2008  11:16 pm

  961. New Orleans is now the big-ass petri dish for New Urbanists and everybody else with some type of architectural agenda to push. Me, my kids walk to school, I sit on my porch and smoke illegal cigars and drink fine adult beverages. Some times the neighbor/columnist comes over and shares in the beverage and cigar consumption. This feels sort of organic. Pretty much the polar opposite of hell Seaside.
  962. ashley on We get some ink.
    February 1st, 2008  8:17 pm

  963. Yes. "For sale. Baby shoes. Never worn." And you couldda made it a size 16, and the baby shoes still trump it.
  964. ashley on Our paperless society.
    February 1st, 2008  9:16 am

  965. joody, use teh google and find the horror stories online from people who got wiped out in the federal flood. Does this matter? Oh hell yeah it does.
  966. ashley on Shoot him 'fore he run, now.
    January 26th, 2008  4:27 am

  967. When y'all gettin' polo ponies? I mean, that's next, right?
  968. ashley on Fat Tuesday.
    February 6th, 2008  12:24 am

  969. I'm at the computer, 'cause I was out and about at 6:00 to see the Zulu king. After that 5+ hours, it was nap time for kiddies. I'm going back out later. And ZIgaboo won't believe that I gave it to you. BTW, when is Mardi Gras in the Fort this year? June?
  970. ashley on Fat Tuesday.
    February 5th, 2008  11:43 pm

  971. Wow. Just wow. I had this buildup, then you showed the donut, post-bite. It was...a donut. BTW, we have the same stove.
  972. ashley on We dabble in the arts.
    February 5th, 2008  8:39 pm

  973. Yeah, we had a Super Tuesday, but since this is the biggest holiday of the year, you heathens can vote today -- we moved the election to Saturday.
  974. ashley on We dabble in the arts.
    February 5th, 2008  4:52 pm

  975. Tuesday will indeed be super. I want a coconut.
  976. ashley on Our paperless society.
    January 31st, 2008  9:21 pm

  977. Funny how a Federal Flood can force you into getting a home safe for all the important documents. All the kids' SS cards, birth certs, and passports; marriage certs, INS certs, car titles, insurance papers, everything. Also have my tibial rod in there, at least until I get it put in a shadowbox to remind me why I don't have a motorcycle. And I'm not too keen on safety deposit boxes anymore. Especially ones that flooded and people couldn't get access to for months. Nance, you don't think that the anchor actually wrote that copy, do you? He's gotta be like Will Farrell in Anchorman, and he'll just read everything on the TelePrompTer. Another coming storm? Jay-zus. Tuesday in Chicago, it hit 50 degrees in the afternoon. That night, it was 0. With 50 MPH winds blowing my ass down Jackson Street. Of course, today in NOLA, it's 70, and I'm gonna get a truckload of beads tonight. God, I wish I could vote for Steve Novick. And Jeff, this ruling surprises me not at all. Basically, the flood control act of 1928 states that the Corps is immune from prosecution, no matter how incredulously incompetent they are, no matter how many die as a result of their complete cluelessness and faulty engineering. The plaintiffs were trying an end-around, so that their position was that the canals were not flood control, but shipping channels. If it's flood control, the Corps has immunity. If it's a shipping channel, the Corps is theoretically liable. Maybe something will happen on appeal.
  978. ashley on Our paperless society.
    January 31st, 2008  10:01 pm

  979. Oh, LAMary, I wrote a post all for you.
  980. ashley on Fat Tuesday.
    February 6th, 2008  11:28 pm

  981. I remember Walker and Hart. Without looking at Wikipedia, I think Walker had a prosthetic leg or sumtin. Of course, if I do CNN reminiscing, I think of Bella Shaw in leather, and that's not good for anybody. We have an anchor at WWL in New Orleans, Angela Hill, who's been there over 30 years. She used to anchor with her hubby, Garland Robinette, who's best known for being on the other side of the mic for Ray Nagin's "pardon my French" speech. She'll be there until she doesn't want to be there, I guess. I wouldn't characterize her as fast, low-key, and competent, but rather, New Orleanians are resistent to change. Her co-anchor used to be Hoda Kotb, who is fast, low-key, and competent.
  982. ashley on Less fun today, but still fun.
    February 16th, 2008  5:20 am

  983. Michael, my condolences on the loss of your father. He made Cleveland sports come alive, truly. Thanks for the emails over the years, and yes, I think your sister is cute, but let's just say we're at opposite ends of the political spectrum. My favorite Plain Dealer story was that in the 70s and 80s, when the Indians were still sucking, whenever they won 3 in a row, the headline was always "TRIBE ON WARPATH". You really think the name "Plain Dealer" is better than the "Times Picayune"? Or the "Arlen Bystander"? Monday, I flew from NOLA to Chicago. Temp leaving NOLA: 60. Temp arriving in Chicago: -2. You guys are tough, man.
  984. ashley on The local landscape.
    February 8th, 2008  7:07 pm

  985. Now, the Mormons have Glenn Beck as their poster boy. I think they were better off with Mitt. And Fleiss has always been sub-skank.
  986. ashley on Are editors necessary?
    February 19th, 2008  4:30 am

  987. Remember, an apostrophe is just a warning sign to the reader that an "s" is coming!
  988. ashley on Copycat.
    March 1st, 2008  1:40 am

  989. The News-Sentinel is really a bastion of journalistic professionalism, eh? "We truly apologize to you for this breech of trust in the accuracy and honesty of what you read in this newspaper." Breech? Like I care about Goeglein's wardrobe. Breach, maybe.
  990. ashley on Copycat.
    March 1st, 2008  1:35 am

  991. "Can you explain why he only would have considered dealing with it if it were in an “academic context”?" My guess is that Hart isn't viewing this as a case of academic rivalry, but rather one neocon helping out another neocon. As long as their end goal is furthering the cause, it's excusable. Thats my guess. I want the other victims of Goeglein's plagiarism to sue the News-Sentinel.
  992. ashley on Copycat.
    March 1st, 2008  1:30 am

  993. Newsflash: God and the administration have already forgiven Goeglein, and he's going to "move forward". At least, I lay 200:1 that's what we'll see in a day or so.
  994. ashley on Copycat.
    March 1st, 2008  1:04 am

  995. And now at CNN. Read it, and watch the spin cycle begin. In the CNN article, Hart claims he received an email apology from Goeglein on THURSDAY. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. That would mean that he was apologetic before Nancy's discovery. Bullshit.
  996. ashley on Copycat.
    February 29th, 2008  8:40 pm

  997. Maybe if you blogged out of a Starbucks, the N-S wouldn't have been so condescending.
  998. ashley on Copycat.
    February 29th, 2008  4:45 pm

  999. Mother. Fucking. Templeton. I'm sure there is a sourcing policy at the News-Sentinel, and you know it. Nail his ass to the wall, Gus.
  1000. ashley on Copycat.
    March 1st, 2008  8:34 pm

  1001. By the way, William Walters, your participle is dangling, you might want to zip up. I'm curious, when you say "a former colleague and friend of Tim Goeglein", does that mean you are a former friend and former colleague, or former colleague and current friend, or what? And please do tell, how does one plagiarize at least 20 of 38 written pieces with honor? I have no doubt he is an honorable plagiarist, as plagiarists go, but has he emailed apologies to the other 19 people whose work he stole?
  1002. ashley on Copycat.
    March 1st, 2008  8:28 pm

  1003. Jeff: "your an idiot" The marque of intelligent debate. Really.
  1004. ashley on Copycat.
    March 2nd, 2008  2:16 am

  1005. Mr Walters, You stated that Mr Goeglein was honorable. Could you tell me if he has indeed apologized to the 19 other authors from whom he blatantly stole his material? Once again, I don't doubt his honor, I'm just trying to categorize it.
  1006. ashley on Copycat.
    March 2nd, 2008  2:14 am

  1007. Jeff: "Your a Lib and I doubt your intelligence". Wow. Just, wow.
  1008. ashley on Copycat.
    March 2nd, 2008  2:28 am

  1009. My apologies. Due to Mr Goeglein stealing from multiple authors multiple times, there are only 18 other known victims of his theft, not 19 as I stated earlier. They are: James Sterngold, George Melloan, Tracy Lee Simmons, Ben Stein (yes, *the* Ben Stein), Roger Kimball, George Weigel, Roger Cohen, Michiko Kakutani, Michael Dirda, Jerry Weinberger, Robert P. George, William Booth, Jonathan Yardley, Steven F. Hayward, Bruce Bennett, Robert R. Reilly, Eric Ormsby, and Tim Page. Has Mr Goeglein apologized to each of them, or has his legal council advised against it?
  1010. ashley on Copycat.
    March 2nd, 2008  5:50 am

  1011. FWIW, there is no Wikipedia entry on Mr. Goeglein. Hint hint.
  1012. ashley on Notes from the crater.
    March 2nd, 2008  8:27 pm

  1013. Fine. I'm clicking through ads for the next week as penance.
  1014. ashley on Notes from the crater.
    March 3rd, 2008  8:55 am

  1015. Dateline: Detroit. Nancy Nall, the Indiana blogger who brought down the honorable Tim Goeglein by fabricating a blog post was today terminated from her Google AdSense account for violating the terms of her contract with Google. If we can't trust this woman to be honest with Google, why does anyone think she can be honest with us. She is obviously a hate-filled liar, out to destroy anyone, including Google.
  1016. ashley on Notes from the crater.
    March 3rd, 2008  9:00 am

  1017. Note: the above post is not to be construed as true -- it is to be construed as somewhat humorous. Think "Stephen Colbert at the White House Correspondents Dinner" humorous. In any case, I'm clicking the fucking ads. If somebody can explain to me why they got scammed 27 times or how my member can get bigger, I'm there, babes.
  1018. ashley on Notes from the crater.
    March 3rd, 2008  4:33 pm

  1019. I love that. merrimac demands Nancy call off the Jack Russell Terrier(s)!
  1020. ashley on Take the keys.
    March 7th, 2008  2:19 am

  1021. I'm not proud of this, but when I was in a band in college, we played "Burning Down the House", and that particular song, according to a 'fan', got me laid at least once. So, I guess the answer is, "once". Which is good enough for me, and more that when we tried to cover "In a Big Country".
  1022. ashley on I'll miss the guy.
    March 6th, 2008  11:39 pm

  1023. Detroit needs their own Manneken Pis.
  1024. ashley on A little interlude.
    March 13th, 2008  8:52 am

  1025. Great. "Kristen" is really named "Ashley". Thank you, God.
  1026. ashley on The whore's look.
    March 13th, 2008  10:40 pm

  1027. Ashley seems to have that Kim Kardashian look about her. And we know that she isn't into things that are safe. Ashley...evidently, in a previous life, I was Reinhard Heydrich. A karma debt from hell...
  1028. ashley on The whore's look.
    March 13th, 2008  11:49 pm

  1029. Sue: Comfortable? No more or less than any other place. I tend to like dive bars more than "upscale martini bars" where you can't even get a martini with gin. Basically, I get bored with strip clubs after about 3-5 minutes. It was fine when I was 18, but now, whatever. I dated a stripper (surprise!) for a couple of months about 20 or so years ago. We met at a casting call for a movie...a legit movie if you need to ask. She invited me to her work where she "danced" and I showed up and voila, it was a strip club. I happened to go to high school with the manager, who came back from the army and said, without pity or pride and with a tad bit of resignation: "I, unfortunately, seem to have a talent for managing strippers". A seat near the pole was available, so I bellied up and did the worst thing you could ever possibly do to a stripper: I made eye contact. Yeah, I didn't even look at T or A; I just stared into their eyes. When she got off stage a couple of dancers later, she told me that the other girls said it was the most unnerving thing that ever happens to them, and I had to quit it. In any case, her story was much like that of the heroine in Carl Hiaasen's "Strip Tease", except she a) had silicone implants that rated about an 8 on Moh's scale of hardness and b) she wasn't nearly as bright. One kid, crazy ex-husband, small apartment, rich sugar daddys trying to get her to be their one (or two or seven) and only and so on. Way too much drama for a 24 year old. Such is life.
  1030. ashley on Technical difficulties.
    March 15th, 2008  11:22 pm

  1031. If I throw some wokka-wokka wah-wah guitar on top of that, could I use that panting in my next porn soundtrack?
  1032. ashley on Technical difficulties.
    March 15th, 2008  11:24 pm

  1033. Oh, and you might need to adjust your derailleur spring tension, or maybe take a link outta that chain. I think that's what I heard rattling.
  1034. ashley on Technical difficulties.
    March 16th, 2008  4:33 am

  1035. Not only that, bassett, but she'll probably have a front suspension, which may make the cam less jittery.
  1036. ashley on Vanity plate: TITANIC.
    March 21st, 2008  1:33 am

  1037. Cracked CV boots are the repair shop's best friend. Sure, you can drive for about 100k more miles without them, but the fear factor is substantial. $1k though? Damn...sounds like you're getting ripped.
  1038. ashley on Splutter, splutter.
    March 29th, 2008  12:50 am

  1039. It doesn't snow in the new home of Carville and Matalin. New Orleans: a Karma debt like Sodom.